


The Road to Home

by makeme123



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Carmilla AU, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, F/F, Road Trips, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-27 01:03:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 221,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6263371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makeme123/pseuds/makeme123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anonymous: OMG i love exposure and elevators&blackouts! do another one PLEASE!! maybe a road trip cuz u like traveling???</p><p>Thats one of maybe a dozen similar prompts so I figured, why not?</p><p>Laura and Carmilla are both on the road, for different reasons, but their paths seem to keep crossing-- and not always in the best way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. On the road

**Author's Note:**

> beginnings are always hardest for me so give me a minute and it'll get better... hopefully :)

Laura glanced around her childhood room with a smile.  It had been 4 years since she had actually _lived_ there, but it still felt like home.  Silas University had only been an hour away so visits home were more frequent than she thought they would be. 

_"I'm an adult now, dad. You can't expect me to come home every weekend."_

She had rolled her eyes dramatically and scoffed at the idea her very first semester. And maybe she had held strong to that statement. For a while, anyway. Then the idea of free laundry and a home cooked meal outweighed the _'I'm an adult'_ idea she had come up with. Truthfully, even adults still need their parents sometimes. And over the course of her 4 years at college, Laura had learned to be okay with that, even if her need for independence remained. Sometimes it was just nice to _not_ be an adult for a minute. 

Everything was changing, though. And the sad yet excited feeling she felt in her chest just confirmed it. 

"All packed?" Laura's father stepped into the doorway and leaned his shoulder against the frame, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Laura turned and smiled as she took a big breath, "I think so."

"You know there are plenty of newspapers around here." He raised his eyebrows and smiled, but his eyes showed a bit of worry. "You don't have to go across the country to get a job."

Laura just smiled wider and shook her head, "I'll be fine, dad."

"I know." He sighed, uncrossing his arms and reaching his hand out to grab Laura's shoulder to pull her into a hug. "Just because I'm proud of you doesn't mean I won't miss you."

Laura hugged him back tightly, knowing exactly how he felt.  It had been just the two of them for so long, it was hard to really wrap her mind around how much things were about to change. 

"Ok. Enough." Laura sniffled and let go of her dad, pushing him away gently, "I promised myself I wouldn't cry."

Her father chuckled, his eyes misting slightly, "well I made no promises."

Laura smiled and shook her head, trying to keep her emotions in check, "Help me with my bags? Perry and Laf should be here any minute."

He silently picked up a bag with each hand and followed Laura down the hall and towards the stairs. "I still don't understand why they wanted to take a cab from the airport instead of you picking them up."

"Something about lessening collective driving time." Laura shrugged and dropped her bag by the front door. "I figure we have 2 weeks in a car together, I'll let them have a few hours without me."

"Two weeks." Her father shook his head and added the bags in his hands to the one Laura had just set down. "Isn't there a faster route? That's a lot of time to be driving."

"Well yeah." Laura rolled her eyes, she had explained this more than once already. "The whole point was to make it a fun drive before we don't have time anymore. Plus, we are meeting up with Danny halfway through and she won't be finished with her internship for another week."

"I know, I know." He nodded with a sigh, "Just make sure you have your spare tire and first aid kit and emergency numbers and--"

"Dad." Laura chuckled and cut him off, "We are going to California, not the moon. We will be fine.  And I'll have my phone and update you as we go."

Laura could still see the worry written all over his face and was relieved when she heard car doors shutting outside the house.  She quickly opened the door and ran outside with a smile.

"You made it!" She jogged towards the pair of red heads pulling bags from the trunk of the cab. 

"Of course we did." Perry smiled widely, "Didn't you get our itinerary and updates on our location?"

Laf rolled their eyes and dropped the duffle bags on the ground before handing the driver some money. "I told you she didn't need an hourly update on our whereabouts, Per."

"I just like to be organized." Perry said unapologetically, "Just because you don't appreciate it doesn't mean others won't."

Laura could help but laugh at the bickering between the two of them. It was like nothing had changed over the last year. Perry and Laf had lived in the same dorm hall as Laura her first year, but they were a year ahead of her. Regardless, over the following 3 years they always seemed to stick together. No matter how unlikely it seemed. Lafontaine and Perry had both graduated and left to get jobs and start their lives while Laura still had a year left of school, but they never lost touch. 

Laf was working for a pharmaceutical development firm- Laura was pretty sure they were going to cure cancer someday. Either that or create a new species that could either turn out to be the greatest addition to the world or the very thing that ended it. They often walked a fine line between regular genius and evil genius. 

Perry was practically running a catering company.  It had started out as a locally owned bakery, but Perry had somehow turned it into a household name for incredible pastries and desserts. They were now catering huge parties and events all over the west coast. Her skills of baking and borderline obsessive organization went well together. Who knew?

"I'm just glad you guys are finally here." Laura led them inside, "I've been excited for this road trip for months."

"Us too." Laf dropped the bags in the growing pile near the door, "but first— bathroom?"

"Up the stairs and on the left." Laura's dad answered, "And how about I make a farewell lunch for all of you?"

Laura eyed her dad, knowing he was really just trying to postpone saying goodbye. "Alright, but something quick.  We need to get on the road of we are going to make it to our first stop by dark."

"Deal." He clapped his hands together loudly with a wide smile before disappearing into the kitchen. 

——

"You can't be serious." Carmilla spoke through clenched teeth. 

Lilita, her mother and CEO, let out an exasperated sigh. "You know I don't care for your dramatics."

"Dramatics?!" Carmilla stood up quickly, the chair she had been sitting in rolling quickly away and slamming into the wall behind her. "You told me if I found a way to save us money that we wouldn't have to let them go."

Lilita leaned back in her large leather chair, one leg moving to cross over the other. "I told you I'd _consider_ letting them keep their jobs."

"This is unbelievable." Carmilla scoffed and shook her head.  She wasn't sure why she expected this to play out differently. Her mother had always cared for the numbers more than the people involved. "I won't do it."

"You will." Lilita answered with a sickening grin, "Its your job, Carmilla. Don't forget who's in charge here."

"You know what." Carmilla leaned over, pressing her palms flat on the cold surface of the desk. She narrowed her eyes at her mother and clenched her jaw at the almost amused expression she was getting in answer to her frustrated state. "Fuck you." She stood up and gave her a challenging smile, "I quit."

Lilita laughed. She never laughed. But this, this was comical to the woman. "You can't quit." Her smile quickly left her face, replaced with a cold glare as she leaned forward slowly in her chair, "I own you."

"Own me?" Carmilla's voice was quiet but firm, if this was a cartoon this would be the moment fire came shooting out of her ears. Instead, she clenched her fists at her side and stood up tall, a confidence she rarely showed in front of the woman across the desk from her. 

Normally Carmilla wasn't too concerned with other people. Especially if she didn't know them personally. With a mother like Lilita, she grew up with the idea that you had to look out for yourself before anyone else. Even here, the same thing applied. Her attempt to help the employees she was talking about had less to do with them, and everything to do with making her mother annoyed. 

Her mother had managed to intimidate every other business owner in the area enough that Carmilla was basically forced to take a job with her if she intended on building up her resume after graduating. So she had been there for 2 years. Doing her job well. But taking every opportunity to make her mothers life difficult. Small victories, she told her self. 

"If I gave off the impression that you own me, I'll rectify that right now." Carmilla watched her mothers face, the reaction to her words barely there, but there enough to make Carmilla continue, "You won't be seeing again. Ever."

The smug look on Lilitas face switched to a slight scowl as her eyes narrowed, trying to intimidate Carmilla into faltering on her words or shake her confidence. 

The staring contest ended when Carmilla turned and walked confidently towards the office door. 

It seemed until this moment Lilita thought she was bluffing, but seeing her about to leave she stood up abruptly, "You walk out that door and and you can say goodbye to the perks of being my daughter."

Carmilla's steps slowed and she turned slightly, looking over her shoulder with a scoff, "Perks?"

Lilita took the pause as a sign she could still get her way and smiled smugly, “That lavish apartment you're so comfortable in, the money, the _name_.”

“You can have it.” Carmilla didn't waste another second before storming out of the office and not even bothering to shut the door behind her, giving her mother the perfect view of her back as she walked down the hall towards the exit.

——

“You’re sure you have everything?” Laura’s dad shut the trunk and stuck his hands on his hips.

“Positive.” Laura smiled up at him as she threw her yellow pillow into the back seat of the car. “And even if I did forget something, I’ll just make you mail it to me when we get there.”

He sucked in a breath and held it for a moment before letting it out in a heavy sigh.

“Don’t worry Mr. H.” Laf clapped their hand on his shoulder, “Perry has a perfect driving record and I— well, I just got my license back so we’re good!” They grinned before patting his shoulder again and walking towards the car. “Shotgun!”

Laura gave her father a nervous smile, she hadn't really told her dad how awful of a driver Laf was and was hoping he wouldn't have to find out. The good news was that Perry was a great driver. The reason for this was probably the face that she always drove way below the speed limit and anytime she got nervous of someone behind her, she would pull over and let them pass.

So unless Laura drove the entire time, she was going to share the driving time with a maniac driving a getaway car, or a grandma.

“It’ll be fiiiine, dad.” Laura chuckled and jumped forward to give him a hug before hurrying to the drivers seat before he had the chance to say anything.

Perry buckled up in the back seat while laf fiddled with the radio stations and Laura got situated in her seat.

“Please drive safely.” Laura’s dad leaned down to look into the drivers side window, “And let me know—“

“Where we are and when we get there and all the normal fatherly things you’re about to say.” Laura smiled and nodded at him with misty eyes, “We will be fine. I love you, dad.”

He let out a sigh and gave her a warm smile, “Love you too, Laur.”

Laura let out a chuckle as she felt tears forming and shook her head, “Alright, enough of this.” She wiped her eye with a smile, “I’ll talk to you soon.”

Laura’s dad stood up tall and gave her a wink, “Soon.”

“To the west!” Laf yelled as they pointed out the car in their intended direction. Perry laughed in the backseat and Laura took that as her cue to start the car. 

Saying goodbye was never Laura’s favorite thing, but she couldn't wait to start this new adventure that was just ahead of her.

——

“Ell?” Carmilla burst into the apartment and dropped her bag on the floor before setting her helmet on the counter. “Are you home?” Carmilla yelled into the large space as she glanced around.

Her mother had been right about one thing. The apartment provided by the company was _lavish_. Carmilla actually had never really liked it. It was too modern and cold. All shiny surfaces and windows. There was no history to it, no story and it had always felt empty.

“There you are.” Carmilla started walking across the large living room when Ell stepped out of the bathroom. “I hope you aren't too attached to this place because we are moving out.”

“What are you talking about?” Ell chuckled and basically ignored Carmilla, walking by her and over to the large L-shaped couch. She sat down and grabbed the tv remote and turned on the power.

Carmilla turned and watched her for a second, surprised by her response. “Really. We need to pack.”

Ell let out a bored sigh and kept flipping through channels, her eyes staying locked on the large flat screen tv hanging on the wall. “Did you get in another fight with your mother?”

Carmilla clenched her jaw at the condescending tone in Ell’s voice. She never understood it but somehow Ell and her mother gotten along perfectly. At first it had seemed like a miracle— Her mother actually liking someone in her life, but lately, it had felt like they were on the same team and Carmilla was just trying to keep up with what game they were playing at any given moment.

“I quit.” Carmilla answered her calmly. Maybe it wasn't just her mother and her job that she needed to get away from.

Ell finally looked over with a surprised expression, “You what?!”

“I quit.” She repeated herself and watched as Ell immediately shifted into ‘ _fix it_ ’ mode.

“You cant just quit! Your mother- oh god. Your mother.” Ell looked almost scared as she stood up off the couch, her fingertips pressing into her temples, then her hands waving around as she continued “Everything _I’ve_ done, and you just quit. She’s probably furious. We talked about this and _I assured her you’d_ —” She cut herself off and looked up at Carmilla. “What did she say?

“Why does it matter what she said?” Carmilla stepped back, her eyes narrowing as she studied the other girl. She had no idea what Ell had been talking about. Everything _she_ had done, _talked about_? _Assured_ her?  “You know how much I hated it there, hated working for her.”

“I know but she’s—“

“She’s what?”

Ell paused, now realizing something was off. In the way Carmilla was watching her, she knew she had reacted in the worst way possible. “I just…” Her voice was careful now, like she was picking her words like bait. Getting ready to lay a trap and one wrong move would ruin everything. “You know how she can get and, and I just wondered if she had said anything. Hurtful. Towards you.”

It wasn't sincere. Carmilla could feel it. The words felt as empty as the apartment they were standing in. A phone started to vibrate across the hard  counter next to Carmilla and her eyes instinctively looked over. 

_Incoming Call: Lilita_

Carmilla moved her hand to her back pocket and felt her phone captured between fabric before she looked over at Ell.

“Its for you.” She wasn't angry, not really. She was hurt. And confused. And questioning everything that had happened over the past year.

Ell swallowed heavily as she made her way slowly to her phone, her face twisting into a look of guilt when she saw who was calling. “It doesn't matter.” She tried to give Carmilla a look of reassurance but her eyes quickly looked back to her phone as it’s vibrations continued. “I”ll call her back. After we— after we talk.”

Carmilla watched Ell carefully, she could see the torn look on her face. Trying to prove something to Carmilla, while a panic grew ever more present on her face with each vibrating ring. Who would she choose? 

_Why was it even a question to begin with?_

“I’m sorry.” Ell whispered as she reached for the phone and quickly answered it, hoping to catch it before it went to voicemail. “Hello? Lilita?”

Carmilla scoffed and rolled her eyes before making her way quickly down the hall. She didn't need to hear the conversation to know how things would turn out. She didn't even want to consider how long Lilita had been using Ell in this game of chess against her. Or even worse, if Ell had been a _willing_ participant.

It only took a minute for her to pack a bag. In the process she realized why the apartment had always felt so empty. There was nothing here that was hers. Outside of her clothes, her guitar and a few books, there was nothing.  They had moved in a year ago and Ell had made herself at home, but Carmilla had never belonged. It wasn't such a bad thing, though. It made what was about to happen a lot easier.

“Lilita I’ll call you back, I have to go.”

Her hushed voice and hurried words traveled down the hallway, bouncing off hard wood floors and bare walls, mixing with the heavy footsteps returning to her. Carmilla clenched her fists tighter around the handle on her guitar case and duffle bag in her other hand.

“Carmilla.” Ell dropped her phone back on the counter and stepped in front of Carmilla, trying to block her path to the door, “Can we just talk about this. You didn't even tell me what happened.”

There was panic in her eyes but Carmilla wasn't sure if it was because she was leaving, or whatever conversation had just taken place with her mother.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Carmilla took a breath and looked Ell in the eye, “I’m leaving.”

“No. No.” Ell shook her head quickly, “There has so be another—“

“Ell.” Carmilla cut her off, the break in her voice from the tightness in her chest betraying everything her head was telling her. If she didn't ask she would never know for sure, and in this moment, she wasn't sure which would be worse.

The confirmation that Ell wouldn't choose her, or the chance that she would have, and Carmilla not sticking around long enough to find out.

“I love—” The words cut off. She wasn't sure why, but she couldn't finish them. “I’m leaving. I have to.” 

Ell took in a breath, she could feel what was coming and hated Carmilla for it. Because up until this moment, she had acted as the perfect girlfriend. She had listened to Carmilla tell her over and over about how much she hated her job but always encouraged her to keep trying. Reassured her things would get better. She had made nice with her siblings and riffraff she called friends. She had worked so hard at helping her see her potential and manipulating situations to open doors for her. She had grown close to the one woman that could make or break her and had planned her future. _Their_ future. And it was all about to get ripped away from her.

“Come with me.” Carmilla’s stare didn't waver. “Come with me and we don’t have to talk about it ever again. We can start a new life. We can get away from all of this, away  from— from _her_.”

The idea of it was growing more and more plausible by the second. A life she could create outside of the one that had been molder for her. One she could make her own instead of living the life someone else had forced her into. It would be a dream. To be able to have that life, with the woman she had fallen in love with. It wouldn't just be a dream, it would be a—

“I cant.” 

 _Nightmare_.

“I like this life, Carmilla.” Ell shrugged her shoulders casually.

Carmilla’s jaw dropped at the shift in emotion on the other girls face. One second she had been pleading with her, worry and conflicted emotions in her eyes and now— they were empty. They were _bored_.

“You can go. You mother wont like it but she will get over it.” Ell pursed her lips together and stepped back, leaning against the counter.

Carmilla dropped her bag at her feet and set down her guitar case. “How long?”

“How long what?” Ell rolled her eyes and reached for her phone again.

Who was this woman? Carmilla couldn't believe what she was seeing. Or maybe, that she had never seen it before.

“How long has this..” She gestured between them, “Been a lie?”

Ell looked up, with the decency to look at least a little guilty, “Lets not do this.” 

Every sigh Ell released seemed to pull just as much air from Carmilla’s lungs. It felt like something was pressing on her chest and she couldn't decide if it was the lack of oxygen making her want to cry, or the feeling of her heart beat actually slowing down as it struggled to remain whole.

“Ell, please. Tell me this isn’t—“ Carmilla pressed her lips together tightly and blew out a heavy breath through her nose. “Did you ever love me?”

Something flashed in Ell’s eyes that Carmilla couldn't read. It almost seemed like a decision was being made on how deep to shove the knife that was about to plunge into her chest.

“Truthfully?” Her voice was calm as she raised an eyebrow, offering Carmilla this last chance to leave it where it was or push open the door that would never be able to close again.  "I don't know. Maybe." 

They sighed together. Ell sighing at finally being honest, and Carmilla for the fact that what she already felt, already knew, was true. 

Carmilla may have wanted to believe Ell had loved her back, but there was something that had always been in the back of her mind telling her the truth. It was never about love for Ell. 

"The first time I saw you.." Ell chuckled, “I pretended I didn't, but I knew exactly who you were."

Carmilla just stood there, watching her. The woman she thought she loved was no longer the woman in front of her. This woman was cold, emotionless, an empty vessel. Only the image of someone she loved but the soul she thought she knew was missing. 

“I mean, you aren't awful company, and your looks made it easier to fall for you. For a while anyway." She finally looked at Carmilla, a look on her face like she was talking about the weather. "And really, what's not to like? You're beautiful, charming when you want to be, rich, connected.."

"So you used me." Carmilla finally spoke. 

"Yes." Ell tilted her head thoughtfully, "Sometimes it felt like more than that but, if I'm being completely honest, I always loved what I could get from being with you more than I might have loved you."

Carmilla nodded slowly as it all registered. She should have seen it. She probably did, but her own feelings made her ignore it. All the times she had encouraged her to keep trying with her job, her mother— it had always been about Ell. About keeping the life she had manipulated her way into. The life she had planned for _them_ , had really just been a life Ell had wanted for herself. It had never mattered that it wasn't a life Carmilla wanted, because ultimately, Carmilla hadn't mattered to Ell. 

Silently she picked up her things and walked towards the door. She shoved her smaller bag that was already by the door into her duffle bag and slung it over her shoulder. She grabbed her helmet off the counter and opened the door before picking up her guitar. 

"You don't have to go." Ell called after her. "We can find a way for us both to get what we want."

Carmilla shifted the stuff in her arms and shook her head, "What I want.. Isn't here. Turns out, it never was."

Because she wanted more. For as much as she tried to act tough and superior to feelings, she was human like everyone else. She wanted to belong somewhere. She wanted to be happy.  She wanted proof that it wasn't foolish to let yourself love another person. She wanted someone that made the pain of heartache worth it. 

Ells phone began to vibrate against the counter once more and Carmilla chuckled humorlessly, "Good luck getting what you want without me."

In that moment Ell knew she had lost. Carmilla walked out of the apartment and out of her life forever. She heard the sound of Ell slamming her hands on the counter angrily as she made her way towards the elevator. 

The silent ride down felt like it was in slow motion. Carmilla knew she had fallen in love with Ell— at least she thought she had. Why else would she have stayed with her for so long? But right now she felt more relief than heartbreak and she knew, it hadn't been right for a while. She had stayed despite her better judgement. Despite the nagging feeling in her gut that it wasn't right. And now she was done with it. And as much as it hurt feeling betrayed and used, she willed herself to push that feeling down and use it to light the fire that was giving her the courage to leave.

She dropped her guitar with the doorman, he had always liked her, and he agreed to gather the rest of her things and have them sent wherever she ended up. So with her small duffle and helmet in hand she made her way outside. She had a couple hours until sundown and wanted to get as far away from there as possible. So she secured her bag to the seat of her motorcycle and climbed on, revving the engine and adjusting her helmet. Without looking back, she shifted into gear, the engine roaring as she rode away from the only life she had ever known, not knowing where she was going, but happy knowing it was finally up to her to make that decision. 

The further she got from her apartment, the more she picked up speed. She kept her grip loose but twisted the throttle further. The wheels turned easily, tires moving quickly and smoothly on the asphalt. It had been a while since she had driven just for the sake of driving and she forgot how freeing it felt.

A sharp turn was laid out in front of her and Carmilla smiled as she leaned into it, pushing the throttle even further as she came out of the turn. She still didn't know where she was going but she didn't care. The faster she went, the more her focus was on the road, the motorcycle, the feeling of flying and less about the life she was throwing away and leaving behind.

She grew impatient with the cars in the lane in front of her, she was already going over the speed limit, but it didn't feel fast enough. With a roar of the engine she swerved around a car, crossing into the lane meant of oncoming traffic, before speeding up and swerving back into the right side of the road. She should have cared about the other drivers, maybe a little more for herself, but all she cared about was the sound of the wind rushing by her, fear fingers growing colder the faster she went and the roar of the engine beneath her.

——

"Is this a joke?" Laura turned wide eyed at Laf before quickly looking back to the road. "We haven't even been driving for an hour!"

"I'm sorry, L!" Laf shifted uncomfortably in their seat, "I just got too excited and drank one too many grape sodas."

"Ugh." Laura groaned, "Fine. Next gas station we can stop. Might as well fill the gas tank while we're at it."

"Oh thank heavens." Laf took a deep breath and blew it out like they were in physical pain.

Laura just chuckled and sped up, watching the road for a gas station. Without warning a motorcycle roared passed them, crossing the center line illegally, causing Laura to swerve slightly out of surprise.

“Woah!” Laf’s hand quickly gripped the door as they wobbled in their seat at the sudden movement of the car, “You alright there?”

“What’s going on?” Perry’s voice with high and rushed as she stuck her head forward between the seats with wide eyes.

“Sorry! Sorry.” Laura shook her head, “Some idiot on a motorcycle decided I wasn't going fast enough. Which is ridiculous because I’m going _over_ the speed limit.”

They all watched as the motorcycle weaved back in to the lane, then crossed the center line again to pass another car just ahead of them.

“Someones in a hurry.” Laf muttered as they leaned back in their seat. “So about that gas station…”

Laura chuckled, her shoulders relaxing slightly, “Looks like theres one just up ahead.”

Laf turned around in their seat to look at Perry, “Want me to grab you anything while I’m in there?”

Perry smiled and shook her head. “I’ve got my vegetables in the cooler and crosswords in my bag to keep me busy.”

“Suit yourself.” Laf smiled as they turned around, hand already on the door handle as Laura pulled into the gas station. 

They were out of the car and awkwardly wobbling/running inside before it had even stopped rolling. Laura laughed and sighed dramatically as she climbed out and walked around to the back of the car. It had been less than an hour and they had planned this trip to last two weeks. With a start like this, it was guaranteed to be an interesting road trip.

After swiping her credit card and adjusting the nozzle, Laura leaned back against the car and crossed her arms. She watched as the numbers rotated quickly as gas slowly filled the tank then glanced around carelessly. Her eyes narrow as soon as she saw a motorcycle sitting unattended at the next gas pump. She looked around quickly to try and catch a glimpse at the owner, if she was feeling brave, she might even give them a lecture on proper passing etiquette. No such luck. Besides her, the station was basically empty.

Maybe it was better this way. Probably not a good idea to get in a fight with a biker right off the bat. Who knows if they belong to some big biker gang that would chase them down and run them off the road later? 

Laura finished filling the car and replaced the gas cap and glanced around. Laf hadn't come back yet so she grabbed her wallet off the front seat and shut the door. “Sure you don’t want anything?”

Perry nodded happily from the back seat and Laura couldn't help but smile. Out of the three of them she never would have guessed Perry would be the easiest to travel with. Once again, she reminded herself the trip was only beginning and anything was possible and that could very well change.

—

Deciding she would probably need a full tank of gas to get anywhere- once she actually decided where that would be- Carmilla pulled into a gas station and quickly filled the tank. It seemed like a good idea to grab some water and maybe a snack to throw in her bag for later so she made her way inside, leaving her helmet on her seat and running her fingers through tangled hair.

Slow footsteps took her down the isles filled with sugary desserts and salty snacks. Chips, cookies, candies. Carmilla’s finger dragged along the shelf slowly as she clicked her tongue and scanned her options. She smiled when she came to a shelf covered in candy bars and pulled a couple chocolate bars from their boxes. Carmilla pulled on the wrapper and took a bite of one of the bars while she walked towards the coolers holding drinks.

She paused to look at her reflection in the frosted glass. She should have been more upset, a year long relationship ending in a matter of minutes with the realization that it had never been what she thought it was. Somehow instead of seeing hurt, she saw determination. Carmilla had lived a life she hated for someone she thought she loved. 

_Thought she loved._

Had she really, though? It didn't matter anymore. Honestly, it never had. What happened now, thats what mattered. Carmilla could do and go anywhere she wanted. She could _be_ anyone she wanted. She smiled around another bite of candy bar and pulled open the glass door and grabbed a bottle of water, tucking it under her arm and making her way back to the counter.

A shy smile from the girl ringing up her items made Carmilla chuckle. Before Ell, she had never done relationships. It had always been one night stands or casual encounters. Nothing serious. Never letting feelings get involved. Maybe it was time to get back to that.

—

A loud chime rung through the station as Laura pulled open the door and stepped inside. Her steps slowed when she noticed the woman leaning against the counter talking to the attendant. She could only see the back of her- black jeans, black shirt, black leather jacket, dark curls that came down to her shoulder blades— Laura suddenly felt like she was intruding as the woman leaned forward over the counter and the attendant let out a giggle as her face blushed bright red.

Laura rolled her eyes and headed over to the snacks, smiling wide at the large selection of cookies spread out in front of her. It only took a minute before her arms were full of sugary snacks to counter the incredible amount of vegetables perry had packed. She loved Perry, but sometimes a girl needs her cookies.

“Ahem.” Laura cleared her throat after waiting awkwardly behind the flirting session happening at the counter. When the girl behind the counter looked at her with a slight glare Laura shrugged,  “I promise I’ll be fast then you can go back to whatever this..” she nodded her head in their direction, “..is.”

That was the moment the other girl decided to turn around. The smirk on her face and the look in her eyes made Laura’s moment of annoyance disappear and instead it was replaced with her brain short circuiting. 

“No need to be rude, cutie.” Carmilla leaned back against the counter, one elbow resting on its surface as she looked Laura up and down with a predatory look on her face. “Go ahead and buy your sweets.”

Laura was frozen. Her arms full of cookies and snack cakes, her brain refusing to work and her mouth feeling extremely dry. Dark eyes lingered on her frame and an eyebrow rose slowly when she didn't move.

Carmilla watched Laura stand there awkwardly, and couldn't help but stare. Her initial sass had been replaced with nervousness. Carmilla let her eyes drag the length of her body and could tell just by the look of her that she might have attitude, but she was _sweet_. The kind of sweet Carmilla usually avoided. The nice, polite, naive type that was always predictably clueless.

That didn't mean she couldn't mess with her a little, though. 

“For someone who was mighty impatient just a second ago, you sure do seem to be enjoying your current view.” Carmilla smirked and licked her lip teasingly.

Laura scoffed, a poor attempt at masking the initial reaction to the very, very attractive girl in front of her. Words still weren't actually working in her brain so she stepped up silently and dropped the contents in her arms onto the counter. She shifted her weight slightly and glanced over at the girl next to her out of the corner of her eye. She hadn't moved.

Arm still resting on the counter as she leaned back against it, the position pulled her shirt tightly against her front, revealing the delicate shape of her body. Her dark shirt was cut low, exposing her collar bones and the line of her neck that lead her eyes directly to her face. Sharp jaw line and flawless skin, lips twisted into an amused smirk and dark eyes watching her carefully.

Laura quickly turned back to the attendant and fumbled with her wallet, pulling out cash to pay for her snacks. She put her change away and gathered her pile of snacks into her arms once again, and glanced over at the woman who still hadn't moved or said a word during the entire interaction.

Carmilla watched Laura fumble with her snacks but didn't move. She could tell their close proximity and her eyes never leaving the smaller girl was making her even more flustered by the second. It took everything in her not to chuckle when Laura nearly threw her wallet at the attendant while trying to open it.

“Thanks.” Laura mumbled to the attendant before turning towards the door, which happened to be the same direction as Carmilla.

“See you around, cupcake.” Carmilla winked then let her eyes drag over Laura’s body slowly and very obviously as the other girl stood there stunned.

Laura wasn't sure if she should be flattered or insulted, so she made a beeline for the door, trying not to drop her snacks in the process. She was relieved when it was Laf that walked out of the gas station next just as she was dropping the snacks through the back window onto the seat next to Perry.

“Ready?” She pulled open the drivers door and glanced at the shop once more as Laf climbed into the car.

“Bladder is empty and I’m ready when you are.” Laf smiled and buckled up quickly.

Laura was about to climb into the car when she heard the time of the door behind her. Mentally she told herself to ignore it and get in the car, but her eyes moved quickly to follow the woman walking out of the shop with the same smirk still on her face.

Her eyes met Laura’s as she walked right by her and Laura found herself staring once again.

“You’ve got to be kidding.” Laura breathed out and climbed into the car quickly but kept her eyes on the other woman.

The woman that was now climbing onto the motorcycle across the station and fitting the helmet over her dark curls. The engine roared to life and Carmilla pulled the throttle gently, letting it growl while she sat in place. She turned around to Laura and even through the helmet covering most of her face, Laura could tell she was smiling.

Laura’s eyes narrowed realizing that the same woman that had gotten her flustered just a minute ago was the same person that had roared by her on the street earlier. She instantly was upset with herself for not making that connection before and instead acting like a complete idiot in front of her.

Carmilla must have seen the emotion change on Laura’s face and found it funny because her shoulders shook slightly like she was laughing, then dark eyes locked on Laura’s for a split second before she winked, then dropped the dark visor on her helmet over her eyes and tore out of the gas station like a bat out of hell.

It had been less than an hour and already this trip was turning out to be an adventure.


	2. Drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paths keep crossing and its not going well for anyone...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have ideas of pit stops they could make, please share :) I think it would be fun to include some of your ideas...

Since the first initial hiccup at the gas station, things had actually been going fairly smoothly.  Laf had voted them self as DJ and so far it had been a pretty fantastic road trip karaoke session. Even Perry was bobbing her head in the back seat while Laura and Laf sang one direction, Taylor swift and Katy Perry at the top of their lungs.  

Perry was designated navigator and had mapped out every stop for gas, food and even bathroom breaks before they had even started the trip. That last one was probably going to need some adjusting though because so far Laf was like a 4 year old that had had 5 too many juice boxes.  

"I'm going to pee my pants if we don't stop soon!"

 Case and point. 

 "Lafontaine." Perry scolded, much like a parent with a 4 year old. "You know we have to stick to the schedule if we are going to be able enjoy all the designated stopping points!" 

 "What about my bladders designated job to warn me before I wet myself?!" Laf groaned, "I can't help it if my kidneys are really good at their job!"

Laura laughed and checked her mirrors before switching lanes. "Well you have two options." Grinning at Laf she continued, "you can wait 23 miles until the next town or we can pull over and you can take your pick from one of the many outhouses provided by nature." 

"Did you pack toilet paper?" Laf asked quickly as they turned to look out the window at the land surrounding them. Plenty of large enough bushes to choose from. 

"You can't be serious!" Perry was absolutely horrified at the idea of Laf peeing behind a plant. 

"It's either that or I mark this seat my territory!" Lafs voice was growing more desperate by the second and they started to bounce uncomfortably on the seat. 

Laura quickly hit the blinker and started slowing down, pulling to the edge of the road carefully. Once the car was stopped Laf jumped out and started hopping in circles just outside the passenger door. 

"Laura?" They groaned, almost in pain, "toilet paper?"

Laura jumped out and ran to the trunk laughing, she shifted through stuff in her emergency backpack, courtesy of her dad, and pulled out a roll of toilet paper and threw it to Laf.

 "Lafontaine!" Perry stepped out of the car, "I can't believe you would do this to me!"

 "To _you_?!" Laf yelled as they disappeared behind a large bush a few yards away from the road. 

 "Yes!" Perry stomped her foot and crossed her arms over her chest tightly. "You know how long I spent on our itinerary  and any unscheduled stops will throw off our ETA!"

 "Perry." Laf yelled from their place behind the bush, their voice less strained than before. "I didn't plan to have to pee every 30 minutes. I'm not messing up your schedule on purpose."

"Yeah Perr," Laura tried to sympathize with them both, "plus, this is supposed to be fun. Isn't there any leeway for possible detours? Even of the overactive bladder variety?"

"I'm sorry Perr." Lafs head appeared above the bush they were behind, "you know how much you tell me hydration is important."

Perry pursed their lips together tightly and sighed, "I suppose that's true."

"See?" Laura smiled and tapped the top of the car, pulling Perrys attention, "At least we know they are staying hydrated."

Perry chuckled and shook her head, "I suppose I could recalculate our timeline to allow for a few extra unplanned delays."

"That sounds like a good idea." Laura laughed, throwing her arms up to block the roll of toilet paper Laf had just thrown at her. 

Honestly, Laura was all for having a plan and structure. She thrived on it. She loved lists and goals and knowing exactly what she was working towards and how she was going to get there. But this seemed like the perfect place to give a little leeway on that tendency. Maybe even throw some spontaneity into her life. A few random pit stops or taking a detour road, exploring a forgotten town instead of just staying on the obvious path for their destination. 

"Alright." Laf happily put their hands on their hips and smiled proudly. "All good."

Laura shook her head and tossed the toilet paper into the back seat. It felt good to be out of the car after driving for a few hours, and it seemed the other two agreed since no one was moving to get back in the car. 

They were on a fairly empty highway between two small towns and hadn't seen much traffic over the last hour. The sun was starting to set and the air was cooling down.  The empty landscape around them seemed calm with the quiet sounds of desert animals making their appearance now that the temperature was dropping. Distant chirping from birds and the sounds of branches scraping each other in the slight breeze broke the silence peacefully. 

Laura took a deep breath, feeling the difference of air as it filled her lungs. Not polluted by city life in a hectic world, but instead crisp and clean. It felt like her lungs filled further with every breath, craving the pureness of the desert air. 

“Its almost dark.” Laura closed her eyes and pulled in another large breath, “How long till our next stop?” she smiled over at Perry who had seemed to calm down quite a bit since they first pulled to the side of the road. 

“23 miles.” Her lips pushed together and she gave Laf an annoyed look. Had they been able to hold out just a little longer, they wouldn’t have had to use a bush as a bathroom. 

“What?” Laf shrugged, clearly unfazed by the whole thing. 

Perry rolled her eyes and reached for the bag that had been sitting at her feet. “At least rub some hand sanitizer on your hands before touching anything.”

Laf took the small bottle of sanitizer from Perry with a smile and squirted a large pool of it into their palm. They rubbed their hands together exaggeratedly, the liquid squelching loudly with the movement. “Happy?” 

“Mock all you want.” Perry gave them a curt look before climbing back into the car and shutting the door behind her. 

Laura laughed before clearing her throat and trying to keep a straight face when Lafs triumphant grin turned into a grimace when they realized how much excess hand sanitizer was in their hands. Way more than they knew what to do with.

Suddenly it seemed the mocking wasn’t such a good idea. They shook their hands in the air trying to fling any liquid away that they could before frowning as they wiped their hands on their pants. 

“Serves you right.” Laura jeered as she climbed back into the car and buckled up. “Come on DJ Laf! Only 23 miles left!" 

"I'm hungry." Laf commented as they climbed in, "Can we eat in 23 miles?" 

Laura chuckled but Perry sighed dramatically in the back seat while passing up a granola bar, "Honestly, it's like traveling with a child."

\---- 

Fingertips tapped against the window mindlessly while Carmilla chewed on the straw in her now empty cup. Her arm was resting along the back of the booth in the back corner of the diner next to the window. 

The diner was fairly empty, it probably was always like that with how small the town was. She wasn't even sure what the name of the town was. It hadn't mattered as she rushed down the highway to get there, and it wouldn't matter when she left.

What did matter was that the sun was setting and riding at night, albeit a whole different experience, wasn't the safest. Especially when she had been riding for hours that day already. 

When Carmilla noticed a glare coming from a few booths away she realized she had been tapping on the window quite loudly. The man shooting her a look was older with an unkept beard, dirty flannel shirt and trucker hat sitting crooked on his head.  

Carmilla grinned and started to tap her fingers even harder on the glass. When the mans glare deepened she set her cup down and used her straw to swirl the ice around it loudly. 

"Can I help you with something?" Her words were polite but her smile and tone were challenging. 

The man shook his head and said something under his breath before turning back to the plate of fries in front of him.  

"I'm sorry I couldn't hear you." Carmilla sat up in the booth where she had been lounging lazily, "It's awfully loud in here, don't you think?" She cocked at eyebrow and glared in his direction.  

"Oh just ignore him." The waitress started refilling the empty cup with water. "Grant's just angry because you took his favorite booth."

Carmilla leaned back against the worn plastic of the booth and glanced up at the woman lingering at her table. Blonde hair, light eyes, pretty smile. Her eyes fell to the name tag placed neatly on the light blue uniform, "Elsie?" 

Elsie's smile widened momentarily before she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded with a quiet "mhmm." 

Carmilla scooted towards the end of the booth slowly, knowing this was already far too easy. "I think he's just jealous the prettiest girl in town is over here instead of over there." 

Elsie giggled and ducked her head to hide her blush. Carmilla just smiled seductively and glanced around the diner, "You know, I've never been here before. Show me where the bathroom is?" 

A second later the water pitcher was on the table and Elsie was leading Carmilla by the hand towards the bathroom on the other end of the diner.   

The first sign that leaving Ell behind was a good thing, was how easy this had been for Carmilla. She didn't feel bad at all, not guilty, and not like it was about revenge. It was simple, just like she wanted. No feelings, no attachments, nothing other than exactly what it was about to be. Sex.  

As soon as they were through the door Carmilla pulled Elsie back and pushed her against the door roughly. She trapped her there with her own body, her hands landing on either side of her head as she pressed her hips into Elsie and connected their lips hungrily. 

Elsie was quick to reciprocate and Carmilla nearly chuckled at how little effort it had taken to get there. Hands were roaming Carmilla's body quickly as their kiss deepened but something felt off, yet familiar. 

It felt empty. 

Carmilla pulled away and looked into Elise's confused expression. She had never felt angry in a situation like this before, but that's the only thing she could think to explain it. She was frustrated. And not the fun yet torturous, sexually frustrated. This wasn't fun. And it was supposed to be. 

"Everything ok?" Elsie asked slightly breathless.  The abrupt stop to their make out session leaving her just as confused as Carmilla. 

"Fine." Carmilla answered quickly and leaned back into the kiss. She dropped her hands to find the hem of Elise's uniform skirt and lifted it quickly, her fingertips scratching along her thighs. Elsie moaned against Carmilla's mouth and moved her hands to palm against her breasts.   

It should have felt different. Carmilla knew that, but she didn't know what it was that was missing.  

Empty. It just felt empty.  

—— 

"Are we there yet?" Laf whined for the 10th time in a row.  

"I think we need to come up with some road trip rules if we all want to get out of this alive." Laura hit her blinker, thanking the heavens they were finally exiting the highway. “Like never asking that question again.” 

"According to my map, the restaurant should be just up this road 3 miles." Perry looked at the large map opened in front of her.  It extended across nearly the entire backseat and there were tabs and marking all over it according to the route she had mapped out. "Then the motel we will be at for the night is just a block away."

Lafontaine clapped excitedly and Laura sighed. She was ready to get out of the car and stretch her legs. She also knew she probably needed something other than pure sugar to eat.  

"Did you call this place a restaurant?" Laura asked skeptically as she pulled into the dirt parking lot.  

"I suppose it not quite…what we’re used to..” Perry trailed off, not wanting to say anything negative. "I'm sure it will be great." 

"As long as they have milk shakes, I'll be happy." Laf smiled as they climbed out of the car and opened Perry’s door for her.   

Laura climbed out and stretched her arms up over her head then leaned over, attempting to stretch out her back and legs. As far as small towns go, this one was pretty cute. Old building lined the main road, all full of character and that small town charm. The diner they were headed into seemed to fit right in.  

The front was almost entirely large windows, letting you see inside to what appeared to be a world still stuck in the 50's.  A long bar separating the diner from the kitchen with tall stools positioned along it. Large booths with overly stuffed seats covered in bright red and white vinyl. A cheerful bell rang out above the door as Perry and Laf walked inside.

Laura watched from outside as they slid into a booth together and started looking at the menu. She smiled when she saw Perry pout slightly before Laf said something which brought out a giggle from the red head, causing her curls to bounce.  It had felt like forever since they had all been together, but somehow everything fell right back into place like they had never been apart. Whatever nervousness she had about this decision was lessening simply with the fact that she knew they would have her back, no matter what. 

A growl erupted from her stomach as the smell of french fries filled the air and Laura knew exactly what she was going to order before even stepping into the diner. As she pulled open the door, the bell rang out, and with one final glance around, her eyes landed on the motorcycle parked at the end of the building. 

Laura’s eyes widened before immediately turning into a glare. If a look could set things on fire, that motorcycle would have exploded right then. It was fate. It had to be. She missed her chance the last time, but now, she would be able to tell off the girl in the leather jacket like she wanted to the moment she roared past them on the road. Her eyes searched the tables as she made her way to the booth where Laf and Perry were sitting but the girl was nowhere in sight. A man in a trucker hat glared at her when their eyes met, but the few other people eating were minding their own business and none of them held the annoying smirk and dark eyes of the girl she was looking for. 

She sat down with a huff across from the other two and pulled out a menu. For every second she spent reading the menu, she spent 10 scanning the diner. 

“What are you looking for?” Laf asked as they set their menu down and threw their arm along the back of the booth behind Perry. 

“No one.” Laura answered, quickly turning back to the list of greasy food in front of her, “I mean, nothing.”

A middle aged woman appeared at their table and set down cups willed with water. “Sorry if you’ve been waiting long, we seemed to have lost our waitress.” She smiled warmly and took everyones order. Telling Laf to _absolutely not_ get the tuna melt but saying they had the best fries in town.

Probably the _only_ fries in town, Laura smiled to herself when the waitress left to put in their orders. She wasn't sure why she was so disappointed about not seeing the girl on the motorcycle, the fact that she had even seen her more than racing by her car was kind of unlikely. So to run into her twice, would have been extremely rare. Probably _wasn't_ fate, after all.  

“I’m going to go wash my hands.” Laura scooted out of the booth, ignoring the straw wrapper that flew across the table followed by the sounds of Perry scolding Laf for making unnecessary messes.

She smiled at the man in the hat, hoping to give him a reason to stop glaring, then continued to make her way towards the bathroom. She pressed her hand flat on the door to the bathroom but just as it started opening it stopped abruptly and Laura’s body slammed into the door.

“What the hell?” Laura stumbled backwards then pressed on the door again, the same thing happening, but this time she heard a muffled groan coming from the other side of the door. “Um, excuse me?” Laura pressed both hands on the door and pushed harder, clearly pushing against someone on the other side of the door. 

There was some scuffling and hushed talking before the door swung open quickly, slamming against the wall of the bathroom. Laura stumbled forward, her eyes widening at the two girls awkwardly adjusting their clothing. A blonde in a waitress uniform tugging her skirt down, clearly embarrassed, and a dark haired girl, not embarrassed in the slightest.  The familiar smirk spread on her face as she casually ran a hand through tousled hair and licked her lips. 

Carmilla licked her lips and watched as Laura struggled deciding what to do about the situation she had just stumbled into. She looked apologetic and almost embarrassed whenever her gaze fell on Elsie, but when Laura locked eyes with Carmilla, there was something else in them. 

"Didn't think I'd be seeing you again so soon, cupcake." Carmilla smirked, as usual.

All at once Carmilla felt something pulse through her, like electricity sparking alive after being dormant for a long time. It seemed like wasn't quite sure what it's purpose was or what path to take.  It made her take in a quick breath like she was surprised and twisted her gut, her heart thudded out of time with the steady pace it had been keeping, then it was gone. 

Laura muttered an apology to Elsie before glaring at Carmilla and awkwardly rushing into one of the stalls and quickly shutting and locking the door.  

Carmilla followed a flustered Elsie out, giving one last look over her shoulder to the stall Laura had disappeared into. She didn't miss the fact that one glare from this stranger made her react more than an entire make out session with Elsie. 

The way she felt when Laura glared at her... She wasn't sure what it was. But it was far from empty. 

Laura pressed her back against the stall door and listened to the pair of footsteps as they left the bathroom. She was sure someone lingered at the door and prayed they weren't planning on staying. 

Honestly, what were the chances? How was Laura continuously running into this girl, and how was she always left a complete mess while the other girl seemed to be just fine? Enjoying it, even. 

Laura took a few large breaths before leaving the stall and washing her hands like she had first intended. As she was leaving the bathroom she wasn't sure if she hoped the stranger would be gone, or still there. For someone who usually knew exactly what she wanted and how she felt, this stranger sure did have a knack for confusing the lines. 

She saw the leather clad girl sitting in a booth on the other end of the diner and quickly made her way to her own, thankfully not having to pass the other girl in the process. 

Laf was already half way through their milk shake and hadn't touched any actual food, while Perry poked delicately at what appeared to be chicken on her plate. Laura smiled at her own food, fries turning out to be a pretty smart decision, and wrapped her hand around the large turkey sandwich sharing the plate. 

She couldn't help but glance up at the girl across the diner every few seconds. Each and every time she did, those dark eyes were already locked on her. Only, the smirk was gone, and instead a look of subtle curiosity had taken its place. 

With every glance, Laura grew more annoyed with the stranger. She knew the moment to chew her out for her reckless driving had long since passed. And what could she really yell at her now? _How dare you make out with another consenting adult in a bathroom that you had no idea I would be walking into!_ Not likely.  They were complete strangers. Who she made out with was none of Laura's business. She wasn't even sure why it had irked her so much to begin with. 

And outside of the less than clever nicknames and quick remarks, thy hadn't actually spoken to each other.  

So the lingering stare that looked far too thoughtful to mean nothing coming from across the diner, was unsettling. Almost as unsettling as how easily something that small had pushed Laura to the point where she was practically vibrating with anger. 

"Yo, L?" Laf waved their hand in front of Laura's face slowly, "Did you hear anything we just said?"

"Sure. Yeah." Laura nodded, her eyes narrowing as the dark haired girl raised an eyebrow but refused to look away. 

"So you're good with trading the car in for a bike and I'll just sit on the handlebars?" Laf grinned and snapped their fingers.

"I said sure." Laura started, then realized she actually had no clue what she was responding to. Turning her attention to Laf she shook her head slightly, a physical effort to rid the stranger from her mind, "Sorry, what? What did you say? Handlebars?"

Laf chuckled and slurped milkshake through their straw, knowing Perry would fill in the blanks. 

"We were asking if you thought we should get lunch before the giant ball of yarn or after." Perry gave her a questioning but serious look. 

How was this even a serious sentence? Laura smiled, Perry unknowingly completely lifting her mood with how absurd it was that they had actually planned to stop at a giant ball of yarn. 

"Maybe they serve food there? Some weird yarn themed restaurant or something." Laura took another bite of sandwich and smiled around a full mouth. 

"Oh! I bet they have spaghetti!" Laf bounced excitedly in the booth, causing the red head next to them to bounce too. 

The conversation quickly turned into listing off the foods that could somehow be considered yarn themed and giggling.  It wasn't until Laura caught a glimpse of a light blue uniform approaching the table across the diner that her smile faltered and her attention shifted. 

She rolled her eyes when the familiar smirk spread across the strangers lips and internally had to chastise herself when her inner commentary was _'she's the type that flaunts how hot she is'_ , because, no. _No_. Laura knew nothing about this girl except that she was cocky, conceited, a terrible driver and had no qualms when it came to hooking up with, _most likely_ , a stranger in a bathroom in the middle of nowhere. 

No way should that translate into, _she's hot_. That should, in fact, be the last thing on Laura's radar.  

But there she was, watching her closely, like she was writing her thesis on that smirk and dark eyes. Her leg started bouncing under the table watching the interaction. Fingertips grazing along the waitresses forearm unnecessarily before they landed on the check. A slight giggle, a wink, a smirk, a blush. 

"Laura?" Both Laf and Perry turned around in the booth to see what Laura was glaring at. "Do you know her?"

"Remember the biker that almost made us wreck?" Laura grabbed a fry and stuck it in her mouth.

"I mean, I wouldn't say we almost wrecked." Laf turned back around with a shrug, clearly not nearly as upset as Laura.  

"Whatever." Laura scrunched up her face, "that's her." 

Perry twirled around quickly in her seat, eyes wide and staring hard at the plate in front of her, "don't look."

"Huh?" Both Laf an Laura replied curiously before they, of course, looked back towards the other girl.  

Carmilla had slid out of her booth and was pulling her jacket on. Pulling some cash from her back pocket, she tossed it on the table and sauntered towards the door.  When she noticed Laura’s entire table watching her she smirked and winked at Laura. 

Laura instantly glared her direction, thinking this stranger couldn't be any more cocky or ridiculous. Then she was proven wrong.  Just before walking out the door, Carmilla slowed as she was passing the man in the hat, reached onto his plate and stole a fry, popping it in her mouth before pretending to tip her nonexistent hat at the man.  

Laura wasn't sure if she or the man in the hat was more appalled. 

— 

It only took a minute before Laura came rushing out of the bathroom.  Her head was down like she was avoiding looking at anything or anyone- but her eyes scanned the diner quickly, narrowing slightly when they landed on Carmilla, then pointedly looking away.  This only made Carmilla's smirk grow. 

She honestly hadn't thought she would be seeing the smaller girl again. _Ever_. Let alone so soon. And, ok, probably not the most ideal circumstances, but entertaining none the less. It seemed the tiny ball of anger had a knack for walking in on her moments of flirting. It was quite comical actually, and it made Carmilla curious as to why it seemed to bother her so much. 

They were strangers, after all.  

So as the small girl scooted into her booth and quickly dove into eating her plate of fries, Carmilla just watched her. 

With the sun mostly set already, she wasn't in a hurry to go anywhere.  Riding her motorcycle at night wasn't high on her list of things she liked to do so it was basically wait to get her bill, then find a motel nearby for the night before figuring out her next step in the sudden reworking of her life.  

As the time slowly drug on, the sky shifting from bright oranges to darker grays as the sun set, Carmilla almost wished the check would never come. The girl across the diner kept stealing glances her direction and it seemed every time their eyes met, no matter how brief, that spark of electricity returned. 

The quick jolt of _-something-_ only made Carmilla more curious as she watched the other girl. Had things been different, if she had a plan or thought she may actually see this girl again she might have dropped the smirk and introduced herself. Even if just to satisfy her curiosity. There was something about this girl that was different, and she couldn't quite place it. But for every growing moment of curiosity Carmilla felt, the other girls glare only deepened. 

"You sure I can't get you anything else?" 

Elsie's presence had gone unnoticed until she spoke quietly. A blush filling her cheeks as soon as Carmilla glanced up at her. It was a shame Carmilla hadn't planned on staying in this tiny town longer. Elsie was cute, and an easy distraction for the lack of direction Carmilla currently had. But it wouldn't be fair, especially after realizing how empty it had felt being with her. Not even the usual feeling of momentary satisfaction was there, and Carmilla was a lot of things but she wasn't cruel. And as casual as she wanted to be, she was never into using women without mutual knowledge of what the situation actually was. And Carmilla got the sense Elsie wouldn't see it as casual as she did.

So she smoothly gave her _"thanks but no thanks"_ speech, lessening the blow with some flirty touching and her coy grin, not missing the fact that the mystery girl was watching her every move from across the diner. As soon as Elsie left her table she stood up and dropped some cash to cover her dinner, including a generous tip for the excellent service.  

As soon as she looked up, her eyebrow rose at gaining the attention of the entire table now, instead of just the mystery stranger. She couldn't help the smirk that spread on her lips and shot Laura a wink as she passed their table. When the glare from the girl was out of sight only to replaced by a glare from the man in the hat, Carmilla couldn't help herself. She snatched a fry from his plate and ate it happily before lifting her hand and tipping her imaginary hat at him.

A low chuckle escaped her throat as she pushed open the diner door and sauntered out, the ringing of the bell overhead following her out into the cool air. 

With the dark sky and the bright lights inside the diner, Carmilla knew when she glanced back at the girl sitting in the booth that she wouldn't be able to catch her watching her this time. So she stood by her motorcycle for a moment, watching as the girl that had only moments ago been glaring at her now had a smile across her face and a sparkle in her eyes as she spoke with her friends.  

That same current of electricity made her chest clench uncomfortably and only added to her curiosity surrounding the brown eyed girl. She could tell just by the instant feeling (even if she didn't know exactly what it was) the girl was probably trouble. And her life was already enough of a mess she didn't need to add to it by trying to figure out whatever that feeling was and how a stranger had managed to bring it to the surface. So she pulled her helmet on and brought the engine to life before quickly pulling out of the dirt parking lot in search for a place to stay for the night.

— 

Carmilla swung the key ring around her finger as she walked down the path to get to her given room. 103. Her boots scuffed along the ground slowly with her usual slow pace as her fingers dragged along the waist high fence that separated the rooms from the small pool in the center of the U shaped Motel. It wasn't the nicest place Carmilla had ever spent the night. It also wasn't the worst.

Just as she got to her room her phone chimed from inside the duffle bag slung over her shoulder. She had managed to ignore it all day, leaving it in her bag and not looking at it the few times she had stopped after leaving home—

Home. If you could even call it that. 

She stuck the key in the door and twisted the handle, pushing the it open with the toe of her boot while she searched her bag for her phone. As soon as she found it she tossed the bag on the queen sized bed centered in the room and started kicking off her shoes. She didn't bother shutting the door behind her, the air was cool and the room could use some airing out.

The alerts on her phone let her know she hadn't managed to leave without a fuss like she wanted.

_9 missed calls._

_11 texts_.

Carmilla rolled her eyes and dropped onto the bed, falling onto her back and letting her feet dangle off the end. Holding the phone above her, she started scrolling through the alerts trying to decide if she should continue to ignore them or actually make an effort and reply.

 

_Ell: Cant we talk about this?_

_Ell: Just come back. We can figure this out._

 

_4 Missed Calls: Ell_

_2 Missed Calls: Lilita_

 

_Ell: Are you just going to ignore me forever?_

_Ell: Carmilla…_

_Ell: At least tell me where you are_

_Ell: Are you coming back?_

 

_Missed Call: Ell_

_Missed Call: Will_

_Missed Call:Mattie_

 

By this point Carmilla had seen enough. She didn't want to talk to Ell, or her mother. Seeing that both Will and Mattie had called meant her mother had already played damage control for herself and probably made it out like Carmilla was the one being unreasonable. Either way, it had actually given Carmilla an idea.

 ——

“Oh no. no. no.” Perry shook her head and pursed her lips, “This will not do.”

“What?” Laf shrugged as they dropped the bags at the foot of the bed, “I think its fine.” They dropped down on the mattress and bounced a few times for good measure, the boxspring creaking loudly with every bounce.

“Yeah, Perry.” Laura dropped her own bag before jumping on the second bed in the room, “I mean its one night and I’m so tired I would sleep in a bathtub if I had to.”

Perry was still shaking her head from the doorway, yet to step a foot inside. Sure it wasn't the most high end place and probably could do with some cleaner, or possibly new, bedding, but it wasn't _that bad_.

“I don’t know.” Perry half sighed, half whined. 

Laura chuckled and sat up, leaning back on her hands. “I’m going to grab some ice for our cooler.”

“Oh! Good idea!” Perry finally stepped into the room and frowned as she patted the corner of the mattress Laf was now laying comfortably across. “We will just, get ready for bed I suppose.”

“Sounds good.” Laura hopped off the bed and grabbed the small ice bucket next to the tiny tv. She chuckled as the sounds of Laf trying to talk Perry out of clorox wiping the entire room faded as she walked along the row of doors towards the old ice machine.

The closer she got to the ice machine, the more Laf and Perry’s voices quieted and another voice began to grow louder.

_“You don’t have to be an ass about it…”_

The voice was coming from around the corner so Laura couldn't see who it belonged to. It had a gravely sound to it yet somehow still sounded smooth and thick. Laura slowed her paces but made sure to make enough noise that it wouldn't seem like she was trying to sneak up on whoever it was. 

It wasn't until she turned the corner and made eye contact that Laura’s jaw dropped.

_Seriously?_

“Who the hell _are_ you?” It was out of Laura’s mouth before she could stop herself. But honestly, who was this girl and how did they constantly find themselves running into each other?

Carmilla looked up at the interruption and raised an eyebrow. “Give me a second, Will.” She lowered her phone and looked Laura up and down, “Carmilla. And you are…?” 

Laura shivered under the intense stare this, _Carmilla,_ was giving her. At least she had a name to put to the annoying smirk attached to it now.  

“Seriously wondering if you’re stalking me.” was Laura’s answer to Carmilla wanting her name in return. She smiled smugly, trying to prove she was above falling for the charm Carmilla was probably used to working so easily for her. 

Carmilla smirked at the answer she was given. And there it was again. The jolt of _something_ that wouldn't be ignored. Carmilla wasn't sure if she hated it or liked it, but it seemed to return anytime she was around this girl.  

“Me? Stalking _you_?” Carmilla chuckled and stepped towards Laura who was now attempting to fill her bucket with ice. “If I’m not mistaken, its you that keeps showing up where I am. So if anyone is doing the stalking here, its you.” 

“Thats, that’s not—“ Laura stuttered, her eyes looking quickly to Carmilla then back to the chest of ice in front of her. “Whatever.” She finally mumbled and let the lid shut abruptly, echoing through the space under the overhang covering them. 

Carmilla just chuckled and watched Laura scurry away around the corner before lifting the phone back to her ear, “Alright, where were we?”

_“I already told mother we hadn't talked. If she calls again what am I supposed to say?”_

Will had always been such a mommas boy, always tattling on Carmilla when they were growing up and constantly seeking her approval. It was amazing he had managed to move so far away from her. It was probably because of that that he and Carmilla actually got along now. The distance must have helped him get over that constant need for her approval.

“Look, you don’t have to say anything.” Carmilla rolled her eyes and took a couple slow steps towards the pool. “She probably wont call you again, at least for a few days. On my bike I can make it there in 3 or 4 days depending on how she holds up.” 

“You still riding that old—“

“Don’t call Maxine old.” Carmilla cut Will off quickly. She and Maxine (her motorcycle) had been through a lot. If she was being honest, it might actually be a miracle if she made it all the way to Will without any problems, but she knew enough about motorcycles that most anything that could be an issue, she could fix herself.

“Maxine. Sorry.” Will scoffed through the phone, “Isn’t it kind of weird that you name your motorcycle?”

“Not really.” Carmilla swung open the small iron gate that led to the pool area, “Guys name their penises all the time. Why shouldn't I name my motorcycle?”

“Fair point.” Will sighed, “Alright, I’ll try to dodge mom and you just get out here fast, ok?”

“Ah see, I knew you were the right sibling to call.” Carmilla chuckled as she sat down on one of the old pool lounging chairs.

“Yeah, yeah. Call me later.” Will hung up before a response but Carmilla could tell he wasn't as annoyed as he was trying to sound. 

Carmilla set her phone down on the small table next to her and leaned back onto the lounger, letting her eyes drift up towards the stars. The moon was nearly full and lit the sky brightly. Despite the low light coming from the motel around her, there wasn't much light to pollute the brightness of the stars as she traced the familiar constellations.  

It finally hit her what had happened in just the span of a few hours. She had quit her job, ultimately disappointing and angering her mother, broke up with her girlfriend, who turns out was only using her, moved out of her apartment, and drove for hours without any idea of where she was going. Everything she thought she knew, whatever future she may have imagined, had just vanished. Poof. Gone.

And now she was sitting on a rusted lounge chair, at a shitty motel, in a town she couldn't remember the name of, next to a pool, staring at the stars. She should have felt nervous, or scared, or frustrated… she should have felt _something_. But all she felt was empty. 

She couldn't even be mad at Ell. Her texted pleas for Carmilla to ‘come home’ had only solidified what Carmilla knew to be true. Ell wasn't home. Maybe she had been once, but not for a long time. It had been far too easy to leave all of it for it to matter.

Carmilla looked around, her eyes scanning the fading teal paint of the old motel, the rusted railing that lined the deck of the pool. The poorly kept plants and flickering lights that lined the walkway along the line of doors. She wondered briefly about the people behind the doors and their stories. Wondering if any were like her own. Going nowhere and anywhere all at once. People running from things or running to things. She found herself wondering about the girl that had appeared uncannily wherever she had gone.

What was her story? She still didn't even know her name. The girl with light brown eyes and honey color hair, and even though it had never been directed at Carmilla, she knew she had a smile that lit the room. It was silly to have such thoughts, considering most of their encounters had began and ended with her glaring at Carmilla. But for some reason Carmilla had paid more attention than that. She had watched her with her friends in the diner, finding it difficult to look away. She was also struck with the confusion of what it was that she made her feel.

For constantly having a lack of feelings, it was odd that a stranger could disrupt that so easily. Replacing that feeling of emptiness with one she couldn't explain. It didn’t matter, though. Not really. Carmilla would probably never see her again, and that was fine. For as curious as she was about the girl, it didn’t go unnoticed that the most unsettling thing about it all was how empty she felt whenever the stranger wasn’t around. Honestly though, she didn’t want to think about it or what it meant. The feeling empty part, or the stranger part.

Lucky for her, this was the moment her phone started to ring again. It was a familiar chime, one that used to make her smile. As she glanced at the lit up screen she wondered how long it had been since it had done just that. Make her smile. 

She couldn’t remember.

“What do you want Ell?” Carmilla answered with a tired sigh. She crossed her ankles and threw her free hand behind her head, leaning back onto the lounge chair once again to scan the star filled sky.

She hadn’t even listened for the answer. Sure, Ell was talking, but Carmilla had tuned her out before she had even uttered a ‘hello’. It didn't matter what she had to say, it was already too late.  She had spent too long living a life she didn't want for someone else, and she was done with it.

She didn't bother hanging up, knowing Ell would just call back. Instead, she set her phone back on the table and swung her legs over the end of her seat. She kicked her boots off while shrugging her jacket off her shoulders before standing up and reaching for the button on her pants.  Carmilla could still hear Ell talking, probably unaware no one was actually listening, as she pulled her jeans down her legs and dropped them in a lump on the chair.  Her shirt quickly followed, then without a second thought she stepped up to the edge of the pool and dove in. 

The water was cold, cold enough to make Carmilla gasp for air as soon as she returned to the surface. The chill prickled her skin and instantly made her shiver as she began to tread water. The pool wasn't particularly deep, but when you're standing at barely 5'4", it's no surprise not to be able to touch the bottom easily. 

Carmilla waited until breathing became easier and started pulling in deeper breaths, slowing her strokes to a less frantic pace. The cold no longer bothered her, actually feeling refreshing as she slowed her movements even more, letting herself sink slightly into the water. 

She pulled in one final deep breath and closed her eyes.  Her movements changed from keeping her above water to forcing herself to the bottom of the pool. She felt her toes hit the cold tile and kept forcing herself further down until she was sitting on the bottom. Slowly her eyes opened, focusing on the dim light placed in the wall and the movement of the water surrounding her.  A few bubbles rising to the surface as her hands swirled the water in a tornado like motion. 

Carmilla always loved the water. As a kid she would do this exact thing, only in the bath tub. She would fill it to the brim and sink down into it, submerging as much of herself as possible. The sounds of talking or shouting would blur together in a muffled echo that didn't sound quite as harsh. Everything sounded different under water. Everything looked different, too.

Carmilla felt the tightness in her chest begin to grow with the pressure of the water and the air trapped in her lungs. There was always a point where if you let yourself panic there was no turning back. You would rush to the surface to gain that fresh breath of air.  But if you were able to push past it, controlling the fear as it rose to the surface, much like the bubbles of air escaping her lips, then you could stay submerged if only for a little bit longer. 

The pressure was building and Carmilla knew the moment of needing air would be coming much sooner than she wanted. She parted her lips and let a slow but steady stream of air escape, relieving her lungs and giving her just a little bit longer to stay under the water. The air escaping made it easier for her to stay fixed on the bottom of the pool and she let her arms relax, floating up slightly at her sides as her back finally touched down against the cold tiles at the bottom of the pool. 

She watched the bubbles rise slowly, feeling the air nearly depleted from her lungs. She wouldn't be able to stay under much longer but it had already helped her forget. 

Forget the woman probably still talking on her phone, the apartment, job and life she just left behind. Forget the sinking feeling of emptiness when she thought about her future. Or the simple fact that she still barely knew where she was going. 

Her lungs were empty, her heart rate slow. Her body felt weightless as she floated inches from the bottom. Her hair swirled around her slowly, suspended in the subtle rippling of the water as the sounds of the world around her blended together into unrecognizable sounds. It was peaceful. The emptiness feeling freeing for once, instead of crippling. 

——

Laura stomped back to the room and didn't even seem surprised by the scene of Perry replacing the bedsheets with a pair of her own. Of course she had brought her own sheets for a road trip. Throwing the ice into the small cooler underneath the window, every movement was accompanied by a grumble or muttering. She wasn't sure she was saying actual words, more so just sounds of complaining. 

What was there to say anyway?

That complete stranger I keep running into made a valid point about my stalking accusation? I interrupted her phone call and she was rude? She's really attractive and it throws me off and I don’t like it?

Yeah, grumbling was good. There was no need to say any of that out loud.

“Whats up with you?” Laf asked as they tossed one of the newly covered pillows back on the bed.

“Nothing.” Laura shook her head and went for her bag, pulling out her pajamas, “Just tired I think.”

“Oh me too.” Perry chimed in, fluffing another pillow before placing it neatly at the head of the bed. “I’m really excited for tomorrow. Driving today was great but it will be fun to have some schedule stops.”

Laf chuckled and jumped onto the bed, spreading their legs out and getting comfortable, “Yeah, driving was great.” Their voice was full of sarcasm but it didn't seem like Perry caught it, or minded if she did. “Giant ball of yarn, here we come.”

Laura laughed quietly, grateful to have her friends with her for this trip, “First, lets sleep.”

“Agreed.” Perry nodded and went about getting ready for bed.

Laura quickly changed into her pajamas and pulled her oversized sweater over her head. She situated her yellow pillow against the head board so she could lean her back against it while she wrote in her journal. She had promised herself she would write every night along the trip, hoping it might stir up some creativity for herself, even if it was just a single line about how the day went.

_Day 1_

_I didn't realize how much I missed Laf and Perry. We are all a little different than we were last year, but i’m sure we will find a new flow soon. So far its just been a lot of driving. Nothing crazy_

She stopped to consider if she should use this as a way to vent about the annoying stranger. _Carmilla._ She did know her name now, at least.

_We kept stopping the same time as a girl on a motorcycle…_

She stopped again realizing there wasn't much else to really say about it. They had stopped at the same places. That was literally it. How had it been that small, yet the girl annoyed Laura to no end? What was it about her that made it seem like she had intruded on their entire day? All the times they had spent in the same places combined had probably been less that 5 minutes, and yet, she was all Laura could think about.

She put her pen in the center of the book and closed it slowly, she could tell her face was doing that thing it does when she's thinking really hard but she couldn't help it. What was it about this Carmilla girl that got to her so much?

Laura’s phone started ringing and saved her face from getting stuck with a permanent scowl. She recognized her dads ringtone and answered with a smile

“Hey dad!” Laura scooted to the edge of the bed and slipped her shoes on. Perry and Laf were getting settled and didn't want to keep them up.

“Hey sweetie! Hows the drive going?”

“Its been good.” Laura shut the door gently behind her as she stepped outside. She was glad to have her sweater, even though days were still pretty hot, it had cooled down quite a bit as soon as the sun went down. “We are stopped for the night in a cute little town.”

“Thats good.” Laura could hear the relief in his voice, “Driving in the daylight is better anyway.”

Laura smiled and started walking along the cement path around the motel. Her dad had kept talking, mostly about driving safety, as Laura made her way around the open area in the center of the motel. She was nodding along, offering a “uh huh” and “yeah” when the conversation called for it but mostly was just letting her dad talk. He had a habit of getting chatty when he was worried.

Laura’s hand was dragging along stray branches sticking out from the bushes along the walkway when she heard a splash from the pool. Knowing it was pretty late, she was curious so see who would be swimming at this hour, plus it seemed a little too cool to be swimming anyway. So she made her way towards the short metal gate, pushing it open with a creak and walking out onto the pool deck.

“Yeah, tomorrow Perry wants to check out a giant ball of yarn.” Laura chuckled and looked around, confused when she didn't see anyone. She could have sworn she heard a splash.

“Thats… interesting.”

Laura laughed at the tone of her fathers voice. It was the way it sounded when he didn't want to be rude but thought something was stupid.

“It wasn't my idea, dad.” Laura walked over to a chair and sat down, her eyes finally landing on the pile of clothes on the chair next to hers. “We are actually stopping at a bunch of…” The realization that clothes usually belonged to people hit Laura and her eyes darted around the pool area for the owner, feeling more confused when once again, she seemed to be alone. “..bunch of random pit stops. Perry has it all planned out.”

The faint sound of talking was coming from somewhere and Laura pulled her own phone from her ear to try and figure out where it was coming from. As soon as she focused on the voice not belonging to her father it sounded like it was coming from right next to her. It only took a second before her eyes found the phone sitting on the table next to the pile of clothes and then she noticed the familiar leather jacket.

_Carmilla._

“Hey dad—“ Laura stood up, feeling like something was wrong, even though she wasn't sure what. “I’m going to call you back, ok?”

She didn't wait for an answer before hanging up and looking around quickly again.

“Carmilla?” She tugged on one of her sleeves nervously as her eyes searched for the girl. She had to be somewhere. How far could she have gone with all of her clothes sitting on the chair right there?

The water in the pool sloshed and immediately Laura’s eyes locked on the figure suspended near the bottom of the pool. She wasn't moving, her arms stretched out at her sides, dark hair swirling slowly in the water, as her body stayed submerged and near the bottom.

Laura dropped her phone next to Carmilla’s and kicked her shoes off quickly as she stepped up to the edge of the pool. 

“Carmilla!” Laura wanted to yell louder but it was late and she didn't want to cause a scene with the other people already asleep for the night. When Carmilla didn't move Laura groaned and thought quickly through her options.

Jump in, or don’t jump in.

She should have thought harder before making her choice.  As soon as she landed in the water, everything seemed to be working against her. Her large sweater didn't sink quite as quickly as the rest of her and Laura soon found her head trapped inside the thick fabric as it soaked up the pool water. The arms were also long and her hands were all but useless as she tried to pull the sweater off of her as she sunk under the surface.

Her dad would have rolled his eyes so hard he would have fallen over. Leave it to Laura to try and save the day and need saving herself.

Carmilla heard the splash and opened her eyes just in time to see the girl be enveloped in her clothing. Her arms and legs flailing like she was trying to swim but the heavy fabric fighting against her, making her slowly start to sink. It was perfect timing, actually. The prickling in her lungs was almost too much and she was about to swim to the surface anyway.

Carmilla shifted in the water gracefully, placing her feet against the bottom and pushed herself towards the surface. As she got higher she reached her arms out and took hold of the flailing body that had joined her in the water.

Breaking through the surface, Carmilla pulled in a heavy and much needed breath of air, doing her best to keep herself and the less than graceful girl above water. As soon as she had her lungs full, an elbow swung around and hit her in the face, causing her to let go of the girl and go back under the water.

She kicked her legs hard, pushing her back to the surface, and let out a cough as soon as she did, “What the hell?”

“Sorry!” The other girl was still clearly struggling, her head dipping below the water then popping back up above the surface, “Sorry! My—“ _below the water, then above_ , “sweater is just really—“ _below, above,_ “really heavy.”

Carmilla’s hand came up to her face as her feet kept kicking, keeping her above the surface. If her face didn't hurt so bad she might have laughed at the sheer uncoordinated mess the other girl was. But it was probably better to keep her from dying.

Laura was beyond embarrassed at this point. Not only had she been saved by the very person she had jumped in the pool to save, but she had thanked them by elbowing her in the face. Smooth, Hollis. She was honestly about to give up and accept her fate of being smothered to death by her sweater and buried in a shallow, watery, chlorine filled grave when she felt strong hands grip her waist and push her gently towards the edge of the pool.  As soon as her body bumped the edge, she threw her arms up and pulled herself half out of the water, catching her breath and untangling her sweater as best she could.

“Are you trying to get yourself killed?” Carmilla was treading water again, one hand rubbing gently along her nose where Laura’s elbow had made contact. The other girl looked like mixture of angry and embarrassed and once again carmilla felt the odd twist in her gut when she turned to look at her.

Laura turned to face Carmilla, her arms still clutching to the edge of the pool and her hair wet against her forehead. She tried to push it out of the way and slipped down into the water slightly, “What?! No!” 

Laura scrambled trying to pull herself out of the pool completely but failing. The weight of her soaking clothes pulling her back into the water. It wasn't until a familiar grip landed on her waist and pushed her up was she able to pull herself out of the pool to sit on the edge, her feet still dangling in the water. Laura flapped her arms, the long ends of the sweater slapping the water and hanging heavily with her hands hidden inside.

Carmilla slowly swam over to the edge of the pool and easily lifted herself up next to Laura, getting to her feet while the other girl was still struggling to figure out what her sweater was doing. Laura turned to glare at her, she was clearly making a show of how easily she had gotten out, but stopped at the sight of her.

Pale skin barely covered by underwear and her bra, water dripping from dark hair and down her exposed body. Droplets catching on edges of fabric and changing paths with every movement as she sauntered to the pile of clothes on the chair.

“Don’t fall back in.” Carmilla smirked over her shoulder as a hand came up to shake out her wet hair.

Laura realized instead of a glare she was just gawking at the other girl, mouth wide, eyes wider, and cheeks a shade of crimson that she didn't know even existed.

“Seriously?” Laura huffed, mentally forcing herself to change her expression, “Thats it?”

“Whats it?” Carmilla looked back to her things, picking up her phone and shoving it into one of her boots.

“I jump in to save you, in my clothes—“ Laura gestured to herself before pressing her hands flat on the concrete and shifting to stand up, “And you’re just going to leave like that?”

Carmilla chuckled and pulled her shirt on over her wet hair before turning around, “Save me?” She shook her head and bent over to grab her boots, her pants already in a bundle in her arms, “You nearly broke my nose and you want a what, a thank you? Not likely. Especially considering I saved your ass from drowning, not the other way around.”

Her tone wasn't angry, more mocking than anything else, which infuriated Laura even more. She may be right, but that didn't mean Laura hadn't tried. It was the thought that counts, right?

Laura was speechless and knew she had no right to even argue. So instead she did the adult thing. She groaned loudly, stomped her foot, made a show of grabbing her phone before she walked away, her pants sloshing with every step. The low chuckle she heard from behind her made her walk even faster, water dripping from her hair and the ends of her pants and sweater.

When Laura got back to the room the door was locked. She dropped her head back in frustration and let out another groan before knocking on the door quickly. The door swung open wide and Laura’s glare stayed planted on her face as she stormed inside and headed straight for the bathroom.

“Laura sweetie? Did you go swimming?” Perry sat up on the bed and watched Laura cross the room, “In your pajamas?”

Laf was standing at the door and just shrugged, clearly just as confused as Perry was.

Laura set her jaw, answering through clenched teeth, “I dont want to talk about it.”

After taking the time to wring out her soaking clothes and try herself off, Laura climbed back in bed and grabbed her journal, opening it back up to where she had left off.

_Day 1_

_I didn't realize how much I missed Laf and Perry. We are all a little different than we were last year, but i’m sure we will find a new flow soon. So far its just been a lot of driving. Nothing crazy._

_We kept stopping the same time as a girl on a motorcycle._

_She's the most infuriating person i’ve ever met. I hope i never have to see her stupid smirk again._

As soon as she finished her entry, she snapped the book shut and turned off the lights. 

Maybe day 2 would turn out better.


	3. Collision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crash: to collide violently with an obstacle

_Day 2_

_Today I nearly ran over someone—_

 

Hold up, let's start from the beginning...

Laura woke up to the steady thud of... she actually wasn't sure what was waking her up.  Reluctantly she rolled over, her legs a tangled mess in the sheets and her face literally having to peel away from the drool stained pillow beneath her. 

"Perry?" Laura mumbled sleepily, "what are you doing?"

"Oh good! You're up!" Perry smiled cheerfully as she tried to close the cooler tightly. The lid stopped just short of shutting and she opened it and tried again with a thud. “We are just about ready to go.”

“Ready to go?” Laura sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, “What time is it?”

“7 in the morning.” Laf mumbled as they walked out of the bathroom. They looked like they were still asleep, their eyes barely open, shoulders slouched forward and movements slow.

“Well we don’t want to waste daylight!” Perry was still opening and closing the lid of the cooler, “Plus, if we get there early we can miss the rush of people at the giant ball of yarn.”

She was 100 percent serious and it made Laura snort before she dragged her hand down her face. “Rush of people at the giant ball of yarn?” she chuckled and threw the blankets off her her, swinging her legs over the mattress and stretching her arms over her head.

“Yeah, Laura.” Lafs tone was full of sarcasm, “The giant ball of yarn is a very popular destination.”

“Ah, I see.” Laura nodded sincerely and stood up, “Well I guess I’ll get ready then.”

“Perfect.” Perry huffed as she tried and failed once more to close the cooler.

Laf smiled at Perry as they walked over and adjusted an item in the cooler and shut the lid easily, their smile widening at the look of sheer happiness over getting the cooler to close.

By 7:40 Laura was walking down to the front desk to check out and return their key while Laf and Perry packed up the car again. As she made her way towards the office she passed the familiar motorcycle and slowed her steps. She had completely forgotten about the night before and all that had happened. She couldn’t help but chuckle at how ridiculous it had all been. It was all so dramatic. Diving in to save Carmilla, nearly drowning herself, then basically yelling at her when she had helped her out of the pool.

She rolled her eyes at herself, it all seemed so stupid now. Why had she gotten so worked up the night before? It wasn’t something Laura did often. Usually she was happy, easy going and actually very nice. But something about that girl had consistently confused her feelings and she always ended up flustered and frustrated. She knew there was no real basis for it but couldn't help it, which only frustrated her more.

“Ready?” Laura stepped back into the doorway and leaned on the frame. “You do know you don’t have to make the beds before you leave, right?”

“Just let her.” Laf shook their head and walked out of the room, carrying the last bag to be taken to the car. “Can I drive today?”

Laura chuckled at how meticulously Perry was tucking in the sheets before turning and following Laf to the car, “Only if you promise not to kill us.”

“I solemnly swear…” Laf held their hand over their heart and lifted their chin in the air “I will _try_ not to kill us.” 

Laura laughed and tossed them the keys, “Close enough.”

They waited another minute before Perry happily walked out of the room and shut the door behind her. She had the same grin on her face Laura remember seeing multiple times when they had roomed together. It should have stopped being a surprise at how happy cleaning made her, but it was Perry, and she wouldn't change it for a thing.

After barely missing the car next to them when Laf pulled out of their parking spot, Laura decided she would go back to sleep and just hope they didn't die on their way to the ball of yarn. As she situated her yellow pillow against the window in the back seat and fixed the seatbelt so she could lean comfortably without it choking her, they drove by the motorcycle still sitting in its spot. Of all the times Laura wished she could have seen the dark haired girl, this time it was because she felt off about how they had left things.

Carmilla had probably already forgotten, and they had surely already used up all of their random chance meetings, but she still felt bad for how she had acted. There wasn't anything she could do now though, so she just silently wished her well, wherever she was going, and closed her eyes and sank into her pillow.

——

Carmilla groaned and rolled over, kicking the thin blanket off of her. The motel room was hot and the sun was already up, the head from its rays landing directly on the bed centered in the room.

A familiar ringtone echoed again and Carmilla sat up slowly, squinting her eyes as she tried to look around for her phone.

“Where the hell did I put it?” Her voice was raspy, thick with sleep. She blinked rapidly and rolled to the opposite side of the bed, grabbing her pants and shaking them.

The phone kept ringing as Carmilla rolled back onto her back and covered her face with her hands. She groaned when the loud noise kept going, seeming to get louder with every ring.

When the noise stopped, Carmilla slowly uncovered her face and opened her eyes a sliver, waiting to see if the chime of a voicemail notification was going to ring out, knowing it wasn't going to be a sweet voice telling her good morning.

_*ding*_

Rolling her eyes to herself she dropped her arms dramatically on the mattress before shifting and pushing herself up to a sitting position. The reflection of her wild hair made her chuckle, having gone to bed without drying it first, it really was a sight to see. Untamable curls in what was usually already a mess to begin with, reminded her of the events of the night before which only made her smile.

It had been an interesting 24 hours, she had to admit that. And she would be lying if she said the run ins with the ever angry stranger hadn't been entertaining. They had been a welcomed distraction from what her life had become, last night being no exception. The memory of the girl flapping her drenched sweater around angrily while she tried to hide the blush creeping up her neck and reddening her ears was quite comical. Thats when she remembered she had dropped her phone in her boot the night before.

Carmilla crawled to the end of the bed, dropping on her stomach and reaching for her shoes that she had forgotten once in the doorway. She pulled her phone from one of them and checked the screen. It was almost 11am and she really didn't want to listen to the new voicemail. 

_Missed Call & Voicemail: Lilita_

Yeah, not happening. Instead, she dropped the phone back where she had found it and crawled off the bed, making her way to the bathroom. She wasn't about to do anything before taking a nice, long, hot shower.

—

“Good morning, cutie.” Carmilla’s voice was still raspy, having woken up not too long ago. Until that moment she had merely grunted at her phone, then the tenant in the motel office as she dropped the key on the counter before leaving.

“Its nearly noon.” Elsie chuckled and quickly followed Carmilla to the booth she had just slid into. She set down a cup and immediately filled it with coffee.

Carmilla shifted her sunglasses from covering her eyes to the top of her head and reached for the cup. This is why she was there. Coffee.

She had meant to get up early, start the long drive to Will’s to hopefully make it there earlier rather than later. It was already going to take a couple days, and sleeping till noon wasn't exactly speeding up that process.  But, this was Carmilla, and mornings were definitely not her friend.

“Mmm” She hummed happily against the warm cup, “Got any pie?”

“For your breakfast?” Elsie raised her eyebrows, still smiling at Carmilla.

“Definitely.” Carmilla’s attention was fully on the warm cup both her hands were wrapped around, not really giving Elsie the time of day.

“Apple or Cherry?”

“Both.” Carmilla finally looked up at her and winked before holding the cup out, already asking her to refill the amount of coffee she had already consumed. “With ice cream.”

Elsie shook her head adoringly and walked off towards the kitchen. Carmilla just leaned back in her booth and moved the cup to her lips once more. She was already feeling better than she had been the day before. She had a direction now, instead of riding around aimlessly. It was almost like she was running to something rather than away. 

Almost.

She still didn't have a bigger plan other than, _get to Will_.  Once she was there, she had no clue what she was going to do. But having the first step was better than nothing, she supposed. It still felt mostly like she was just trying to get as far away from the life she had been living, instead of being excited about starting a new one. She was ready for a new one, she just wasn't sure what that meant yet.

“One slice of Apple, one slice of cherry.” Elsie set the plates in front of Carmilla and dropped her hand on her hip, “With ice cream.”

“Looks delicious.” Carmilla grinned at Elsie for picking up a fork and all but inhaling the food in front of her.

——

“Who knew the giant ball of yarn would be so…” Laura tilted her head and narrowed her eyes, “ _Giant_.”

“Well I certainly did.” Perry was looking at a small pamphlet they had been given upon arrival, “It is in the name, Laura. And technically, its twine.”

“Is there a difference?” Laf asked, matching Laura’s head tilt, honestly blown away by the spectacle in front of them.

“I have no clue.” Laura shook her head and started walking around it in a circle.

“It says here the ball measures 41.42 feet in circumference, 8.06 feet in diameter and 10.83 feet in height, and it still growing.” Perry was reading from the paper in her hands while they all stood in front of the giant ball.

“Still growing?” Laura called out but had already walked far enough she couldn't see the other two anymore, “Like its eating its vegetables and getting bigger, _growing_?”

Laf chuckled and started walking the opposite direction Laura had gone, “I hardly think vegetables would be the only thing it eats. I mean, what about protein? Ball of twine here is definitely a carnivore.”

“Local ball of twine demands sacrifices!” Laura laughed pressing her hand against it and pushing gently. “What ever will we do?!”

“Town holds monthly ritual to satisfy demands and avoid rolling rampage!” Laf yelled loudly, throwing their arms out wide and dramatically.

“Look out world! The giant ball of twine is growing!” Laura laughed loudly as she came around the giant ball to where Laf was. She dropped to the ground and rose her hands above her like she was trying to protect herself from the ball of twine.

“Perry, quick!” Laf called out, running to Laura’s side and pushing their hands against the ball, pretending to be holding it back from squishing her, “Laura is about to be flattened by the Twine God!”

Perry walked around the ball casually, her lips pursed as she looked from Laf to Laura who was still on the ground. “Are you both finished?”

Laura dropped her hands to the ground next to her, changing her pretend scared expression to pouting, “You’re no fun.”

“Yeah Perr.” Laf stood upright and ran a hand through their hair, “Way to ruin the game. The giant yarn ball was about to devour Laura.”

“Its twine.” Perry corrected, extending her hand to help Laura up. “Now lets go see the gift shop, I want to see if they have any T-shirts.”

Laura just brushed the dirt from her pants and chuckled as her and Lafontaine followed Perry toward the gift shop. They bumped shoulders, still amused with their previous story, until they walked into the gift shop full of sweaters covered in pictures of yarn, hats with yarn balls on them, keychains, bumper stickers, you name it… it was there.

Laura’s eyes went wide and she laughed loudly as she pointed across the shop, “Oh my gosh, Laf! They have string cheese!”

—

Laura, Perry and Lafontaine all walked towards their car in matching sweaters with a picture of the giant yarn ball on it with the words, ‘No strings attached’.

“Alright Perry,” Laura pulled another piece of her string cheese and stuck it in her mouth, “I will no longer make fun of your stop choices. That was amazing.”

“Yeah.” Laf nodded in agreement, “Who knew yarn was so cool?”

“Twine.” Perry responded, clearly proud of herself. “And i’m glad you feel that way because we have a stop at the worlds largest bowling pin later.”

Laf and Laura both laughed, until they saw the serious expression on Perry’s face as they approached the car. 

“Oh, you’re serious?” Laura asked, wide eyed. Maybe she should have looked at this trip itinerary before they left.

“Of course I’m serious.” Perry opened the door and smiled, “I wouldn't want to _string_ you along.”

Laf’s jaw dropped, “Was that a joke? That was a joke.” Laf turned excitedly to Laura, “She just made a joke. About string. After we just saw the giant ball of yarn!”

“What a woman.” Laura shook her head and held her hand out, “Keys?”

Laf pulled the keys from their pocket and handed them to Laura, “Jokes like that just tug on my heart strings.”

“Oh my gosh.” Laura laughed and climbed in the drivers seat, “You guys were made for each other.”

They had actually spent quite a bit of time at the Giant Ball of Yarn, and they did in fact have string themed food available. So they had already eaten lunch and enjoyed the break from the car but were pretty anxious to get back on the road to get to the place they had planned to stay that night. It wasn't too far of a drive, maybe a couple hours, but already things were feeling more relaxed. Plus they hadn't had to stop for Laf to use a bush for a bathroom that day, so things were going pretty well.

About 30 minutes after leaving the ball of yarn, Perry leaned forward between the two front seats and adjusted the volume of the radio.

“Laura, sweetie?”

Laura could already tell this wasn't light and fluffy road trip talk. Perry always had a different tone to her voice when she went mother hen mode.

“Hmm?” She hummed in response, keeping her eyes on the road and trying not to grip the steering wheel too tightly in anticipation for whatever conversation was about to happen.

“We were just wondering—“

Laf cleared their throat and looked over at Perry before looking out the window.

Perry pulled in a determined breath, “ _I_ was wondering, what your plan was. For when we get to California?”

Laura laughed and shrugged her shoulders, hoping it came across unconcerned, “I mean, I’ve never been to the beach before so I figure I’ll start there.” She turned to smile at Perry but her knuckles turned white around the steering wheel.

Truth was, she had no real plan, and it terrified her. For the first time in her life she didn't have anything placed in front of her. No guarantees, not even a foot in the door. She was leaping and praying to the heavens it would work out. She had graduated with great grades, had good references from her internship and time at the Silas Paper, but so far all her resumes had gone un answered. And truthfully, she felt a mixture of disappointment and relief. 

When you graduate from college, you’re supposed to have a plan, a direction, and when that didn't come naturally, Laura panicked. She saw her friends all living their lives and creating their own futures and wanted the same thing. It had made sense in her head that if they could do it, so could she. All she had to do was go and do. The logic was simple enough, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized it probably wasn't going to be that easy. Especially when she took the time to think about what she wanted. She thought she knew, but…

“Oh, well, yes.” Perry nodded but her eyebrows came together in concern. She wasn't sure if Laura hadn't understood the question or if this was her trying to avoid it. “I just— well you know you are welcome to stay with me and Lafontaine for as long as you need—”

“Want.” Laf chimed in, hoping it didn't sound like they were only offering her a place to stay because she needed it. “As long as you _want_. We have the extra room and we love you.”

“Right.” Perry was grateful Laf was there to help when maybe she wasn't explaining things in the most thoughtful way. “Of course.”

Laura did her best to not show how worried she was herself about the whole thing, knowing it would only worsen the conversation, “I know what you’re trying to say.” She smiled when Perry sighed with relief. “Look, I’ve been working on it and I have a few things in the works. Just be patient, ok?” She looked in the rear view mirror at Perry and offered a reassuring smile, “Plus, we have 2 weeks to have fun before life gets serious. Lets wait to worry till later, deal?”

“Deal.” Laf answered quickly, shooting Perry a look.

“Deal.” Perry agreed reluctantly, but with a tight lipped smile.

Laura waited a second before turning up the music again, hoping to lighten the mood and signal the conversation was most definitely over. She couldn't explain how grateful she was when Laf started singing along, easing the tension in the car and bringing it back to the road trip feeling. Laura started belting out the words to Taylor Swift’s ‘Style’ along with Lafontaine but still felt the worry in the pit of her stomach that had been there ever since they had left her house.

She didn't want to admit it. But she was nervous.

——

Her legs were numb. Or maybe her hands. Her back needed to pop and so did her ears. After finishing her coffee and pie Carmilla had set out to get as far as she could that day but she hadn't stopped for a while and she was sure her legs were numb. Or maybe it was her hands.

The road had been fairly empty, a few cars making their way to who knows where, large semi trucks creeping slower than Carmilla wanted along the highway. Passing cars had been easy on the two lane road so far. The roar of the motorcycle falling behind her as she swiftly navigated the old road, focused on the movement of the bike and the feel of the wind as it flew around her.

It had been a peaceful drive so far, mostly dirt or fields spread out as far as she could see with the occasional cluster of farm animals held by barbed wire fences.  She had raced a train as it barreled along the tracks that ran parallel to the road for a mile. She won. Of course.

But now she was following behind a semi truck through a canyon that had one curve after the other. The road was narrow enough and twisted enough that passing the truck not only wasn't allowed, but would probably result in Carmilla along with her motorcycle being crushed if anyone else happened to be coming from the other direction.

So her speed slowed as she reluctantly kept her place behind the truck as they made their way through the winding canyon. It was late afternoon and at the pace they were going, she would probably have to stop for the night as soon as she hit the next town. Which would hopefully be soon. Because her legs were numb. Or maybe it was her hands.

——

Thankfully the car ride had shifted from serious conversation to a discussion on dinosaurs and what kind they would be. Laura was hell bent on convincing Lafontaine she could totally be triceratops.  Laf wasn't sure what the logic in that was but it made more sense than Perry being a pterodactyl. Honestly, the whole conversation made zero sense. 

“I think it would be very fun to fly.” Perry reasoned casually as she took another bite of granola bar.

“The question wasn't what dinosaur would you _like_ to be, it was which one would you most _likely_ be.” Laf tried to explain for what felt like the 10th time.

“Well I don’t see how thats even something we could even know.” Perry clearly didn't get the point of the game. “Can I be a whale instead?”

“A whale?” Laura snorted and turned around quickly to look at perry before turning back to the road. “Why a whale?”

Perry shrugged with a thoughtful expression, “They are very majestic creatures.”

Laf smiled adoringly at the girl in the back, “I think you would make a very nice whale.”

“Oh my gosh this is ridiculous.” Laura rolled her eyes as Lafontaine started crawling between the seats to share the back with Perry.

“You’re just jealous you aren't a whale like us.” Laf joked as they fell across Perry lap before sitting up on the seat and bumping Perry’s shoulder.

“So now you’re both whales and I’m triceratops?” 

Laf just leaned forward between the seats, “Whhhhaaaaaaa!!” An attempt at a whale call, no doubt.

Laura just chuckled and shook her head at the smug grin on Laf’s face.

The laughter didn't last long though, a car going way too fast crossed the center line on the highway and barreled past them, honking loudly as it passed. Not for they first time since their trip started, Laura found herself startled and swerving to the edge of the road to make way for an impatient driver.

Laura mumbled angrily, her grip tightening on the wheel as she hit the breaks just in time for the other car to weave back into their lane after barely getting ahead of Laura’s car. Laf immediately put their seatbelt on, offering a sorry expression to Laura in the rear view mirror. It wasn't her fault there were terrible drivers on the road.

“I’ll slow down.” Laura took a deep breath and tapped the brakes once more. It probably didn't matter though, the other car had already raced ahead and was nearly out of sight.

The tension eased but they all fell into a comfortable silence, one of the first of the day. Laf played with Perry's fingers of their interlocked hands casually as they both watched out the windows, leaning back into the seat and just watching the landscape slowly shift around them. Perry took a bite of granola bar before offering a happily accepted bite to Lafontaine. 

Laura smiled at the easiness that fell into place. The difference wasn't that big from when they had last all been together, but you could tell the subtle shifts in the way things felt. It was a quick thought, but Laura hoped she would find that easiness with someone one day. 

Not 15 minutes later Laura saw the flashing red and blue lights of a police car on the side of the road and smiled as she passed the car that had jetted past her, receiving a much deserved speeding ticket. She briefly wondered if the girl on the motorcycle, _Carmilla_ , would have the same luck on her own journey. It wasn't the first time she had wondered about the mysterious girl that day. After running into her at every stop the day before, it already felt strange to have not seen her that day. Which was weird, right? 

It's not like she missed her. It was more genuine curiosity than anything. She was an investigative journalist, after all. Well, maybe someday.  She supposed they had ran their course. The universe had its laugh in placing them together for sheer amusement but had moved onto the next joke, letting them finally take separate paths, probably to never see each other again. 

Laura was honestly just relieved she hadn't turned into a frustrated mess at the thought of the girl. Grateful that whatever had caused that reaction to her had passed. Now it was just one more random story to tell once the trip was over. The girl they couldn't seem to ditch on their first day of traveling. 

The landscape began to change from flat terrain to hills and valleys as they approached a section of road that travelled through a small canyon. The windows of the car had been cracked and the temperature of the air dropped as they entered the shady canyon, the sun low and hiding just beyond the curves cut for their path. The cold air streaming through the car felt good and helped wake Laura up a bit. After getting to bed late the night before to wake up early that day, she as ready for another stop. Thankfully it was just on the other side of the canyon.

The radio lost service, the music filling the car replaced with static and scratching before Laura reached to turn it off with a sigh. They really needed to buy a cord to hook up a phone or something.

“No way.” Laura straightened her posture in the drivers seat, narrowing her eyes and trying to catch a glimpse of the vehicle in front of them before it rounded the next curve. 

“What? What is it?” Laf shifted to look between the seats and out the front window.

“I thought I saw—“ Laura stopped, thinking it wasn't possible. Not after how far they had driven and the stops they had made. There was no way they could end up in the same place again. “Remember the girl from… Never mind. Its nothing.”

Now both Laf and Perry were interested in what was happening.

“mmhm.” Laf wasn't convinced it was nothing. “You know, you never did tell us why you went swimming last night.”

“I didn't go swimming.” Laura spat quickly, her brow wrinkling in frustration as she glared at laf in the rear view mirror. The quick look in the mirror also gave her the perfect view of the car quickly approaching behind her.

Laf saw the shift in Laura’s demeanor and knew it wasn't just because they had asked about the night before. They turned quickly to look behind them and saw the car Laura was watching carefully. It was the car that had passed them carelessly before and had only moments ago been pulled to the side of the road by the police.  Apparently they had somewhere to be, and quick.

“Maybe you should just let them pass?” Laf turned back around, talking to Laura.

“And how do you suggest I do that?” Laura sped up slightly, although she didn't want to. The two lane road twisted without warning, the canyon walls mere feet from the edge of the road. There was no room to pull over, no room to pass, and with an impatient driver following far too closely to their car, it was not good at all.

A honk from the car following behind them startled Perry and she spun around in the seat to look at the driver.

Laura took a deep breath and tried to relax her shoulders. The other driver could honk all he wanted, she just had to ignore him. Only a few miles left and they would be leaving the canyon and he could pass. 

\-- 

Carmilla was just about done following this truck. Every once in a while it would kick up a rock or dust and she was glad she had decided to give it plenty of room, even if it did seem like she was moving at a snails pace. 

She breathed out a sigh of relief and rolled her shoulders slightly when she passed a sign letting her know the end of the narrow canyon was approaching. She need a break and was eager to get to the next town. After rounding another corner she checked her mirrors and saw a couple cars approaching from behind her, fast. The road ahead of her was finally mostly straight and she could see the canyon walls ending and opening wide into another valley. 

"Oh great." Laura spoke quietly, checking her mirror once again. 

"What?" Laf asked curiously. 

“It seems we’ve found her again.” 

"Found who?"

Laura nodded in the direction ahead of them just as the motorcycle came into view. "Carmilla."

"Who's Carmilla?" Perry whispered to Laf. 

Laf smirked and wiggled their eyebrows at Perry before responding to Laura, “You sure its her?”

Laura scoffed, “Please. She's probably smirking inside her helmet." 

Her tone as she spoke surprised her, including the chuckle that followed her words. It wasn’t frustrated or angry. She was amused by the idea of seeing her again. 

Maybe the universe wasn't finished with their joke yet. 

"How do you know her name?" Perry asked, slightly confused and equally grateful for the distraction from the impatient car following them. 

"I ran into her last night."

"When you went swimming?" That was honestly the only time Perry could remember Laura being alone without them. 

"No. Well, yes?" Laura scrunched her face, “We didn't go swimming. I was saving her."

"Saving her?" Laf asked, amused at Laura's struggle to explain exactly what had happened. 

"Kind of." Laura shrugged, her eyes locked on the motorcycle in front of them as they drew closer. "It doesn't matter. I honestly didn't think I'd see her again." She glanced in the mirror at the eyes watching her, “Weird, huh?"

Laf just smiled, "Yeah. Weird."

The canyon walls disappeared, the landscape falling flat quickly, offering more space around the small line of vehicles.  The car following Laura took that as their sign to pass and crossed the double painted lines quickly, ignoring their caution not to pass just yet. 

Laura glared as the driver sped up to fall into the space next to them as they sped down the highway. Her glare flickered to the vehicle in front of her and wondered what Carmilla was going to do. The car seemed determined to pass them both and Laura was curious if it was going to turn into a race. 

\--

Carmilla turned her head to look over her shoulder as soon as they had left the canyon. The cars following her seemed impatient with the speed of the truck they were all following and one had even decided they weren't going to wait any longer. The expensive black car was approaching quickly, passing the small car directly behind her. She rolled her eyes and considered making it difficult for them to pass her but decided she didn't really care that much.  

The truck was still going slow enough it shouldn't have been that difficult for them to get by, but she drifted to the edge of the lane anyway, putting herself as far away from the speeding car as she could. 

That was probably the last thing she did with thought.  What happened next was all reflex, not having any time to think before acting. 

The black car was suddenly in her space, pulling into her lane in the same space as her. If they had seen her there, they didn't care.  They swerved sharply and quickly, giving Carmilla barely a second to react. She hit her brakes, hoping their speed and her attempt at stopping would create space before they slammed the side of their car directly into her.  

It would have worked, but they had to hit their brakes too in order to avoid slamming into the back of the truck Carmilla was following behind. So there they were, sharing a lane, Carmilla already on the edge and about to go off the road, and the car was getting closer to her quickly. 

The car mirror clipped her arm, the car making contact with the side of her motorcycle, and any hope of recovering balance was gone. She knew it, and just had to brace herself for the fall. 

\--

Laura's hand tightened immediately around the wheel and she slammed her brakes as the scene unfolded in front of her. What she thought would turn into a race was about to turn into a wreck. 

It felt like it took an hour to happen, but it only took seconds. 

The black car had barreled by them and caught up to Carmilla in no time. It seemed Carmilla was about to let the car pass, her brake light glowing, when the car had abruptly swerved into her. She tried her best to avoid the collision but the car slammed into her side, hitting her arm and snapping her handlebars to point towards the dirt landscape framing the road. 

It made sense what had happened as another car sped by on the opposite side of the road, their horn blaring. The dark car had ignored the double lines and failed to check oncoming traffic. Forced to smash into Carmilla to avoid a collision with the approaching vehicle. 

Dirt flew into the air as the motorcycle collided with the ground with a terrifying sound that made Laura gasp and her eyes go wide. Brown eyes darted around the scene, unsure herself what to do to avoid making the collision worse. When she saw the motorcycle scraping the road in front of her, she swore loudly. A second of relief washed over her as she saw the bike was without the rider, just before her front bumper clipped the bike, just barely, sending it in a spiraling motion on the black top towards the other lane. Relief disappeared quickly as she searched for Carmilla as her own car screeched to a stop. 

The sound of Perry and Laf responding to the commotion in the back seat was barely audible as Laura slammed the car into park and jumped out, her heart beating loudly and her hands shaking.

The dark car had barely slowed before racing off, leaving the aftermath of their carelessness behind them. Laura quickly spun around, making sure there wasn't any chance of another car coming upon them and making it worse. 

"Goddammit!!"

Laura heard the somewhat familiar voice and it pulled her from the haze of panic she had been stuck in. Relief washed over her as she turned to see the girl slowly stumbling to her feet at the edge of the road. It was clear the landing hadn't been gentle. One side of her body looking like it had been drug along sand paper. Her jeans were ripped along her left leg, her leather jacket matching with the seam around the shoulder torn and leather ripped along the left side of her back. The helmet looked scratched and beat up and Laura couldn’t imagine how bad it could have been had Carmilla not been wearing it.

She started to jog towards the girl but stopped when Carmilla roughly pulled her helmet off, a look of pain and complete anger written all over her face. 

"Aahhhh!" Carmilla yelled frustratedly as soon as her eyes landed on her bike, laying on its side, haphazardly blocking half of each lane. She threw her helmet angrily with as much force as she could muster. She regretted it immediately, her yell of anger quickly shifting to a cry of pain.

Laura watched as Carmilla's right hand came up to clutch her left shoulder as her helmet flew through the air and landed with a thud in the dirt. The girl bent over, clearly in pain. She ran over, her hands already outstretched like she was ready to attend to any injury there might be as soon as she got there. Her hands landed on Carmilla’s shoulders only to be pushed off harshly.

“Dont touch me!” Carmilla snapped, her eyes lifting to Laura’s. She was wincing in pain and taking short ragged breaths.

“Sorry! I was just— are you ok?” Laura wasn’t sure if what she saw was due to anger, pain, or disorientation. She looked more determined than hurt, but it was obvious the pain was controlling her bodies actions.

“Does it look like I’m ok?” Carmilla hopped slightly as she tried to put weight on her left leg, a shooting pain starting in her foot and sending needles up to her hip as soon as she stood on it.

“Laura?” Laf was yelling from the car, only having stepped out of the back seat.

“Call an ambulance!” Laura yelled back to them, her eyes still on the girl in front of her.

“I’m fine.” Carmilla muttered, limping slightly a couple feet before her steps became more sure.

Laura shook her head in amazement at the girl. She had just been thrown from her motorcycle by another car and she was literally just acting like she stubbed her toe. When Carmilla stopped walking, Laura followed her line of sight, surprised by the shift of Carmilla's anger to a sad expression. She was looking at her motorcycle.

“Theres no service!” Laf yelled suddenly, slamming the car door and starting to make their way to the two girls standing at the edge of the road while waving their phone in the air. 

A honk pulled everyone's eyes and it was like the air had been pulled from everyone's lungs at once.  There was another truck approaching. Headed right for Carmilla's motorcycle, big enough and going fast enough that stopping before hitting it wasn't an option. 

Laura turned to Carmilla quickly and saw her lunge forward then stop, hesitating.  It was clear she wanted to try to save the bike but didn't think she could in time. 

Without thinking Laura started sprinting towards the bike, knowing she could make it there before the other girl and had a better chance at pulling it out of the way. As soon as she took hold of the motorcycle though, she realized it wasn't going to be that simple. It was heavy. 

"Laura! Get out of the way!" Laf was scrambling around the car. 

"I got it, I just need to--" Laura gave it a heavy pull and barely moved it a couple inches "--pull harder."

There was another loud honk, the truck slowing but still not going to stop in time. It was getting too close and tying to save the bike was useless. 

"Just leave it!"

The voice directly behind her startled Laura and she spun around, surprised to see Carmilla reaching out to grab her arm. 

"Wait!" Laura turned back around and grabbed for the duffle bag that was strapped to the bike, tugging on it harshly to try and free it from the bike. 

The strap snapped, the bag coming free and Laura stumbled back. Her body was caught against Carmilla's as they both stumbled back a bit before Laura felt hands grab her waist and pull hard, twisting them and pulling them backwards harshly. Their feet couldn't keep up with the movement of the rest of them and Laura felt herself start to fall. 

Laura's landing wasn't harsh at all. Strong arms had wrapped around her completely and her back landed tightly against Carmilla's front. There was a loud 'thwack', shouting from Laf and Perry, another loud and held out blow of the horn, and an unbelievably loud crunching noise, followed by the loud screeching whine of the breaks finally halting the truck. 

The whirlwind of what had unfolded in the last couple minutes finally halted. There was mostly silence, only a faint ringing in Laura's ears as her eyes opened slowly to survey the scene. The only movement coming from the dirt and dust kicked up by screeching tires and vehicle parts tumbling off the road. 

A loud exhale and air puffing against her hair finally quieted the ringing and focused Laura's ears and eyes. A groan escaped Carmilla lips, the sound inches from Laura's ear, and her arms tightened around Laura's body briefly before relaxing and letting go completely, falling onto the hot pavement. 

Laura rolled away, her palms and forearms landing on pavement, the sting of rocks and debris prickling her skin harshly. She watched Carmilla try to lift her left arm before stopping quickly, sucking in a pained breath before raising her right arm to her head instead. 

"Oh my gosh, are you ok?" Laura scrambled to her knees, her hands reaching for the girl that had just pulled her to safety.

—

“Shit.” Carmilla breathed out, her lungs clenching and her heart leaping to her throat.

The bike was out of control and there was nothing she could do about it. She had wrecked before, at much higher speeds in fact, but that didn’t make it any easier. Having only moments before been cursing the slow speed of the truck ahead of her, she couldn’t have been more grateful now. Any faster and she knew the outcome of wrecking would be a lot worse than what was about to happen.

The bike swerved to the right, hitting the edge of the pavement and dirt as the car pushed her further off the road. The front tire must have hit something because suddenly it was swerving back into the lane, throwing Carmilla off balance. She hated to do it, but she knew she had to let Maxine go. The velocity of the shift of movement made it easy for Carmilla to let go and feel her body start to fly through the air. Somehow she managed to hit the ground just right, her left shoulder slamming into the hard pavement before simply sliding along the black top. Her left leg and side burned, the hot pavement and quick movement of her body feeling like it was setting her skin on fire. Her helmet thudded against the ground and immediately she felt like she needed to throw up and her ears started to ring. The scraping of metal seemed to be happening inside her helmet, even though her bike was was the culprit, and it was sliding further away from her.

Once her body stopped sliding, Carmilla rolled to the side that seemed to be unscathed and went to press her hand against her forehead in an attempt to stop the rattling inside her skull. When hand hit helmet she had the overwhelming feeling of frustration. She was beyond angry and full of adrenaline.

She tried to stand up and didn’t understand why she was dizzy. Was it her feet that couldn’t find the ground or was the ground moving around her?

“Goddammit!!” She yelled as she finally felt secure on her feet. The words echoing through her helmet as she forcefully yanked it off her head and looked around, a scowl on her face.

When she finally saw her bike, it was spinning slowly on its side, near the center of the road. She set her jaw for a moment, feeling her stomach drop and hear heart pump heavily in her chest. Before she knew what was happening she was screaming and throwing her helmet into the air.

Lightning shot through her shoulder and down her arm into her fingers and her yell of anger quickly turned to one of pain. A fierce reminder that what had just happened hadn’t only happened to her bike, but to her as well. She doubled over, her uninjured arm coming to hold her shoulder gently, waiting for the pain to subside, when she felt a hand grip her body and she pulled back harshly. 

“Dont touch me!” She swore she could see, but at the same time, she couldn’t. Nothing was registering and too much was happening. All she could focus on was the shooting pain in her shoulder and the adrenaline threatening to make her heart explode. Her lungs were on fire, just like her side and all of that didn’t even compare to the anger that was bubbling in her in order to suppress the fear that was coursing through her body still.

Her ears were still ringing but she was finally able to focus on light brown eyes filled with concern. She was talking quickly but the buzzing in Carmilla’s head made it hard to hear, so she focused on her lips.

“Does it look like I’m ok?” She figured that was a good enough response to what she thought was the question. She still wasn’t sure what was happening. Not completely. It was hard to concentrate.

She shifted her weight in an attempt to take a step and felt the same shooting pain that had been in her shoulder spike up her leg. It seemed the pain was the thing that grounded her because she could finally hear and see clearly.

A car stopped at an awkward angle. Two red heads standing near with looks of terror on their faces. The car that had slammed into her already speeding away. Her motorcycle, a pile of twisted metal in the middle of the road.

“Call an ambulance!”

“I’m fine.” Carmilla said through clenched teeth, another spike of pain shooting up her leg. Her steps became more sure, the pain remaining, but the sensation of it seeming to un cloud her mind, so she did nothing to try to ease it.

The sound of a horn rang out around her an she wondered briefly if it was only in her head, until she saw the other girls eyes widen and look away. It seemed the nightmare wasn't quite over yet. 

Another truck was fast approaching and no doubt was going to smash Maxine even more than she already was. Carmilla jumped forward on instinct before realizing it was pointless.  She wouldn't make it in time and Maxine was already beyond the point of repair from the looks of it. 

Then honey colored hair was pulling her attention as the other girl was sprinting towards the motorcycle and pulling pointlessly on its fender. 

"What the hell is she doing?" Carmilla couldn't believe it but the adrenaline still coursing through her had caused her to race after the girl before she knew she was. "Just leave it!"

Carmilla reached for her arm, holding her injured arm protectively against her body.  The girl freed her hand and went back towards the bike as another loud honk boomed from the truck fast approaching. 

Carmilla was about to try and grab her again when suddenly her body was falling back against her. Ignoring the pain, Carmilla dropped both hands to the girls waist and yanked her back away from the motorcycle. The truck was about to collide with it and they needed to be as far away as possible before that happened. 

She wasn't sure it it was her doing or Laura's, or maybe the ground was still moving on its own, but she felt them start to fall backwards. Not knowing what else to do, Carmilla wrapped her arms tightly around Laura and pulled her against herself, determined to break her fall. 

There was a loud 'thwack' then everything went dark and silent.

Carmilla opened her mouth to take a breath but couldn't. Her lungs were empty but refused to inhale, causing her whole body to tense. It felt like forever that she mentally tried to convince her lungs to pull in air before they finally listened. As soon as her lungs had filled, she breathed out heavily, relieved to have oxygen again. 

The weight of Laura on top of her finally registered and she groaned at the heavy feeling on her chest and the pounding that had only gotten worse in her head. Her arms tightened, an effort to check on the girl on top of her. She couldn't hear anything still and her eyes refused to open, so the best she could do was hold her tightly and hope for a response. When she felt Laura move on her own, Carmilla let go, her arms feeling sore as they fell to the pavement.

Her lungs pulled in another breath as the girl on top of her rolled away. Feeling the need to check her head, Carmilla lifted an arm, forgetting it was the one she had landed on in the first fall with her bike and winced as she slowly set it back down. She used the other hand to reach up and feel the back of her head, fingers gently running through her hair, quickly finding the point where contact was made with the road.

“Oh my gosh, are you ok?” 

Carmilla wanted to open her eyes but couldn't, so she clenched them closed tighter. At least her ears were working again. She used her good arm to shift her body and sit up. She blinked her eyes quickly, fighting the urge to keep them closed and squinted at the girl kneeling in front of her. When she pushed herself to her feet, the ground was moving again and she stumbled slightly.

The feeling you get when you stand up too quickly— that’s all Carmilla could feel. Light headed, not strong enough to hold herself up, and soon she was moving towards the ground. Or maybe the ground was rising up to her.

“I’m fine.” Her voice was quiet, the words slightly slurred.

Hands came up to steady her as she lowered herself back to the ground. The positions had shifted. Carmilla was no longer holding Laura on the ground but finding herself leaning back against the girl as they sat in the middle of the road. Her head was throbbing but it seemed less now. Her arm didn't hurt, or maybe it was numb. She blinked her eyes slowly, her head falling back against Laura’s shoulder, feeling too heavy to hold up.

“Hey, its okay, its okay.” Laura awkwardly positioned herself so as soon as Carmilla sat back down she was sitting behind her, ready to catch her weight. 

She had watched Carmilla’s face go white, her pale skin lightening even more that normal. The adrenaline must have ran its course and her body was too exhausted to keep up with everything that was happening. Laura couldn't see any extreme injuries, which she was grateful for, but wasn't sure if Carmilla was going to pull herself together or pass out.

When Carmilla leaned her head back against her shoulder and bumped her forehead against Laura’s chin in an attempt to look up at her, Laura almost wanted to laugh. The last few minutes had felt like hours but somehow other than a few minor injuries, it seemed everyone was okay. Minus the motorcycle in the middle of the road.

As Perry came running over with a bottle of water and the emergency pack from the trunk, Laf ran up the road with their phone in the air trying to get service, the truck driver that had just stopped had hopped out of his truck and was running towards them asking if everyone was okay. 

And they were, for the most part.

Laura looked down as Carmilla let out a quickly chuckle and looked at her closely, their eyes meeting for a second before Carmilla closed her eyes and leaned further back against her.

Carmilla closed her eyes, she was tired, and the girl holding onto her was comfortable, even if she was a stranger. She was about to ask about maxine before she took in a breath and felt herself falling asleep.

It was weird, to be falling asleep. Carmilla knew it but couldn't find it in herself to care. If she needed to wake up, someone would wake her. So she let her eyes stayed closed and her body relax as her forehead bumped Laura’s chin gently. 

Her mind was fuzzy, she knew it was when all she could think was…“I've never seen the stars this up close before.”

 


	4. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the aftermath of the accident

There was buzzing and beeping from machines that echoed down the halls. Sneakers scraping the floor as they hurried from room to room or dragged slowly from feet surviving on far too little sleep.

The stiff material on the bed ruffled loudly as she shifted uncomfortably. She was tired, and sitting here for who knows how long wasn't helping. The constant reminder to stay awake and pay attention was getting on her nerves. The poking, the prodding, she was done with it.

_Can you follow the light for me? Look left. Look right. Look up._

The pen scratched across the paper on the clip board. She watched the quick movements before it started to hurt her eyes. Picking a point on the wall seemed easier. So she sat there silently, staring straight ahead.

She had already answered the hard questions.

_Can you tell me your name? Carmilla._

_Can you tell me where we are? Hell._

The doctor wasn't amused.

_Can you tell me what happened?_

That question she could have done without. That was the question that made her realize her memories of the accident were actually more fuzzy than she originally thought. She had enough to give the gist of it, both when the police had asked, and now the doctor. Placating them both and buying herself time to try to remember how she had gotten there- in case anyone asked.

She couldn't remember.

She just knew she was sitting there. Legs hanging off the exam table, her head throbbing, her shoulder aching, her hip stinging and an idiot staring at her like he wasnt sure if he should talk her through what was going on, or save himself the smart ass remarks and just do his job silently.

"Well.." The doctor moved to palpate Carmilla's shoulder gently, watching her carefully as she struggled not to wince at the pressure. "You didn't dislocate it. Just bruised it pretty badly."

"Wow. Medical school served you well." Carmilla rolled her eyes and twisted her shoulder away from the dr. "Can I go now, Captain Obvious?”

She wasn't sure how long she had been there, but the florescent lights and smell of cleaning chemicals was starting to feel smothering. Everything felt too clinical, too clean. White walls. White floor. White bed sheets. White curtains. White Doctor coats. 

Carmilla hated white.

The doctor just chuckled, un phased by Carmilla's sarcasm at the is point and grabbed his clipboard to keep writing down notes. "Not quite yet. It seems you've hit your head and contracted a case of asshole-itis." He looked up with a serious expression. 

"Are you even allowed to say that?" Carmilla asked, clearly amused but trying to hide it behind a scowl. 

"Of course." The doctor replied flatly. "It's a very serious diagnosis."

Carmilla just rolled her eyes, getting the picture and decided to just let the doctor do his job. She watched him adjust his glasses then run the back of his thumb along his mustache, his eyes never leaving the paperwork in front of him.

"In all seriousness though, you do have a pretty good concussion." He set the clipboard down and pulled out a light, shining it in Carmilla's left eye, then her right. "Which is lucky considering everything."

He was right. Her pants were ripped, the hem on the shoulder of her jacket torn along with the shirt just underneath it. She had no idea where her helmet or duffle bag was, other than that, only a few scrapes and bruises. Sure, the shoulder hurt like a bitch, pretty badly bruised from landing on it plus some road rash were the jacket had ripped open. Her lower back along her left side had some minor road rash as well, but otherwise, her gear had done a pretty good job of keeping her safe. That and she sheer dumb luck of how everything had unfolded during the wreck. The slow speed and her body going one way, and her bike the other, the car behind her stopping before running her over. The only thing she wasn't sure how it had happened was how she got from the edge of the road to the center of it. Or why it felt like someone had landed on top of her when she wrecked.

”It really wasn’t that bad." Carmilla shrugged casually. A shiver ran down her spine at the faint memory of it all. It had happened so fast, she wasn't sure she remembered it right. 

_Fast car, hitting the road, dodging a truck, brown eyes…_

She shook her head, clearly the concussion was still making her head foggy.

"Bad or not, you're still very lucky." He took a heavy breath and let it out slowly "I get the feeling you're going to ignore my advice to take it easy for a bit."

Carmilla snorted. He was absolutely right about that one. 

"So I'll be sure to tell your friend to keep an eye on you for a while and not let you do anything too reckless."

Carmilla's amused expression shifted, "What friend?"

The doctor furrowed his eyebrows before glancing down at his notes. “A…  Laura Hollis." He looked up curiously, "She's been waiting since they brought you in.” 

——

Laura was staring at the water cooler hidden behind the nurses station. The consistent dripping was giving her something to focus on. Something other than the sounds of patients and family talking or crying and the chatter coming from doctors and nurses. It was a relatively small hospital, more like a clinic for how small it was, but it still had the same feeling and atmosphere of every other hospital Laura had ever been to. 

The florescent lights and smell of bleach. Everything felt contaminated and too clean at the same time. Tainted yet still white. White walls. White floor. White bed sheets. White curtains. White Doctor coats.

Laura hated the color white. 

She hated hospitals even more.

For the 3rd time since they got gotten there, a quiet ring sounded from inside the duffle bag in her lap. She had almost answered it the first time out of pure thoughtlessness. Everything was crazy and it just made sense- when a phone rings, you answer it. 

That is, until she saw the caller ID photo.  It didn't matter that the screen was cracked, the photo still caught her eye and made her freeze before answering. 

It was a photo of Carmilla, with the most genuine smile Laura had ever seen her have. Even if it was fairly small. So far all she had gotten from the girl was a smirk or a smug grin. Nothing to suggest actual happiness, it had always seemed like a cover or simply a show of amusement. But this was different. She actually looked happy. Unguarded. 

She was with a blonde woman. Piercing blue eyes, light skin, she was beautiful, and smiling too. Their cheeks were pressed together and it took up the entirety of the screen.  

Laura had stared at it until the ringing had stopped and a message of: _Missed Call_ , had appeared. 

It was probably a good thing. It wasn't her phone, after all. So she probably shouldn't answer it. Then the second call came, and now the third, and Laura was rethinking that logic.

They _were_ in a hospital, and the owner of the phone had been in an accident, and clearly the person calling was someone important and probably deserved to know what was going on. 

"Hello?"

Laura gulped, when had she accepted the call?

_"Carmilla."_

The voice didn't seem concerned in the slightest, more so agitated. They also hadn't even realized it wasn't Carmilla that answered. 

_"Are you done ignoring me?"_

She didn't wait for an answer.

_"Do you have any idea what's going on here? Your mother is kicking me out. Unless you're back and over your little tantrum by tomorrow, I'm going to be out on the street. Because of you."_

"Umm, I'm really sorry but this isn’t—“ Laura was honestly making an effort to correct their assumption that they were talking to Carmilla, but was cut off. 

_"I've had enough of this game and so has your mother. Quit playing the victim and just grow up."_

"Woah, ok not cool." Laura jumped in, fairly defensive for not really having any idea what they were talking about. "First of all, rude." Laura scrunched up her face, even though the stranger on the phone couldn't see her. "Second, this isn't Carmilla."

There was silence on the line for a moment before, "Who the hell is this and why do you have my girlfriends phone?"

 _Girlfriend._  Not good.

Laura swallowed heavily, realizing in her need to placate whoever she was talking to, she hadn't considered who they might be. 

"Oh, no, I'm not—“ whatever strong defense she had a moment ago vanished and was replaced by nervous stuttering, "I just ran into her. Literally." She chuckled nervously before realizing it probably wasn't the most tasteful joke considering the circumstances. Mortified by her own bad joke, she sighed heavily and covered her face with her hand.

Carmilla watched from the nurses station for a moment. The doctor had finally told her she could go after stopping by the desk to take care of some paper work, and as she waited to be helped, she couldn't help but notice the girl sitting nearby in the waiting room. She had seen Laura pull her phone from her duffle bag and was surprised when she answered it. It was obvious it was either Ell or her mother, just by the sheer discomfort that came over Laura’s face. They both had the uncanny ability to make even the sweetest and cheerful people unhappy.

 _Laura Hollis_. Thanks to the doctor, she had a name to put to the face she couldn't get away from. Yesterday she hadn't wanted to. Now, she wasn't sure. It had been amusing at first. She couldn't deny that the girl made her curious. But things were different now, the universes game no longer funny.

Her bike was crushed, she had no idea where she was or how she was going to get to Will, she couldn't even remember most of the last few hours. She probably owed Laura a thank you. She wasn't really sure. The doctor said that was normal for having a concussion but it was maddening to not be able to remember what had happened.

_Fast car, hitting the road, dodging a truck, brown eyes…_

Carmilla felt the corner of her lip twitch up when Laura scrunched up her nose and spoke with what seemed to be a little more attitude. Shitty situation or not, the girl was intriguing.

"Ahem." 

Laura looked up wide eyed at the girl standing in front of her, eyebrow raised, and unreadable expression on her face. The girl on the other end of the phone started talking but Laura wasn't listening, she was more concerned with being caught by the phone owner. 

"Sorry, I just—“ she scrambled to her feet, nearly dropping the duffle bag and held the phone out to Carmilla with an apologetic look, "It kept ringing and I thought maybe she would be worried—“

Carmilla wordlessly took the phone and looked at the screen, seeing Ell's name she wasted no time in hanging up without a word.

Laura's eyes went wide, "There was someone- your girlfriend-" frantically stuttering as she watched Carmilla casually shove the phone in her back pocket. 

"Do I need to search you for anything else of mine or did you stop with phone theft?" Carmilla's voice was dry, but not angry. Her jacket was clutched in her hand, her jeans ripped and her weight obviously put on the leg unscathed by the harsh pavement. 

Laura wasn't sure how to react. On the one hand, Carmilla had just nearly gotten run over. On the other, she wasn't being very nice, especially considering she kind of, practically, sort of, saved her. 

"Sorry." Laura mumbled, not really that sorry. Which was clear in her tone. 

"Why are you still here?" Carmilla's voice was still without emotion. Making it difficult for Laura to gauge if she was glad or upset by her waiting. 

"Your bag?" She hadn't meant for it to be a question, but Carmilla was watching her carefully and whatever reason Laura had for staying before, she now seemed unsure about the whole thing. 

"You could have left it."

"Should I have?"

An eyebrow raised. Carmilla didn't have an answer. She was surprised that the girl had stayed, especially for how long she had been stuck in the exam room. But she wasn't sure if it was a pleasant or unpleasant surprise. 

Was she messing with her? Want something from her? It had all seemed like a game before, running into each other, but this time it was on purpose. She stayed on purpose. 

People weren't that nice. Especially to strangers. And Carmilla didn't want to wait to find out what was really going on. 

Carmilla reached forward and snatched her bag from Laura, then without a beat, started heading for the exit. 

Laura rolled her eyes and pulled her own phone out and sent off a text to Laf. After about an hour of all of them waiting, Laura had urged Laf and Perry to go get a room for the night and she would wait to see how Carmilla was doing. Which apparently, had been pointless. 

Over two hours in the waiting room, chewing on her bottom lip and trying to ignore her surroundings and she didn't even get a _thank you_. 

Laura waited a couple minutes before making her way to the exit to wait for the pair of red heads to pick her up. Before she had even gotten outside she saw Carmilla standing at the curb. She was looking around like she was lost, then glared slightly when Laura stepped up to the curb, ten feet away. 

The ring tone Laura had gotten familiar with sounded out and Carmilla clenched her jaw and reached for her back pocket. She pulled it out and pursed her lips, noticing the cracked screen for the first time. She hit the button to ignore the call and silenced the phone before shoving it into her bag. 

Carmilla glanced to the other girl waiting on the curb and noticed her watching her. As soon as their eyes met, Laura looked away quickly and played with her fingers in front of her nervously.

Carmilla just sighed. She was stranded and she knew it. She didn't need to see her bike to know it was crushed beyond repair. With how foggy her memory was, it seemed cruel that what she _could_ remember was the crunching sounds that accompanied the wreck and the sight of it as it swirled in the middle of the road.  And that was before the truck had collided with it. If she was going to make it to Will she needed to come up with another idea, and sooner rather than later. 

She glanced over at Laura and once again, brown eyes locked with hers. This time, not looking away, but her face indicating an internal battle happening in her mind. 

"Is your girlfriend coming to pick you up?" Laura asked quickly before she could second guess herself. She couldn't help it. Carmilla was obviously not as fine as she wanted everyone to think. Plus, her bike was long gone. "She seemed pretty anxious for you to get home.”

Carmilla set her jaw, her eyes slowly looking over the girl standing on the same curb. It wasn't a move at seduction, or flirting, it was the continual curiosity that surrounded this girl and the unnamable surge of electricity that sparked through Carmilla with her presence. 

This time though, the electric current didn't make her curious, it made her more frustrated.

“Ex.” She looked straight ahead, ignoring Laura’s stare, “ _Ex_ girlfriend. And no. No one is coming to pick me up.”

Laura nodded slowly. True Laura Hollis nature wanted to offer her a ride. But there was a nagging little devil on her shoulder telling her to let the girl with the glare and attitude figure it out on her own. It's not like they were going the same place anyway. And Laf and Perry surely wouldn't welcome another passenger. 

Someone walked between the two girls on the curb and Carmilla reached out, grabbing their arm to gain their attention before letting go quickly. "Does this shitty town have a bus station?"

Laura looked away, not wanting to be mistaken for being with the girl that _seriously_ needed to learn some manners. 

The stranger looked taken back by Carmilla's blunt and rude attitude and just shook their head before pointing west, “There’s one a couple towns over."

"Perfect." Carmilla grumbled sarcastically as she shook her head, "Taxi service?"

The stranger just laughed at this and walked away without a word. Laura sighed, so much for letting her figure it out on her own. 

She spotted Laf coming down the road and cleared her throat, "If you need a ride..." She trailed off, her eyes looking quickly at Carmilla before looking away. "I mean to the bus station. Or something."

Carmilla's head snapped towards Laura faster than she would like to admit. Once again, completely baffled by the girls actions as well as the feeling it gave her. Before she had a chance to answer, or even collect her thoughts, a car pulled up to Laura and screeched to a halt. She watched the driver lean over the empty passenger seat to talk through the open window. 

“I told you she would be fine!" They said with a grin, "and we found a place with tacos for dinner!"

Laura smiled and leaned down into the window, talking quietly enough that Carmilla couldn't hear what she was saying.  When Laura half nodded in her direction and the two people in the car looked her way, it took everything in her not to flip them off. 

She _did_ need a ride. Pissed off about the situation or not, she knew she probably wasn't going to get another offer. 

Laura stood up and opened the passenger door, turning to Carmilla with a shrug. "The offer is still on the table."

Carmilla took in a deep breath, matched by Laura doing the same. As Carmilla made her way to the car slowly, they both silently wished they wouldn't regret what they were doing. 

Laf popped the trunk and Laura walked to the back of the car, pulling it open to let Carmilla put her bag inside. When she closed it the other girl was gone and Laura figured she just was quick to climb in the back seat of car. As soon as she made her way back to the front seat, Carmilla placed her arm over the edge of the door and smiled. 

"I figured since I'm injured, I should probably sit up front." She made a show of rubbing her shoulder gently and pouting slightly before a smug grin spread across her face. 

She didn't have to like the situation she was in, but she could try to make it as entertaining as possible.  And as soon as Laura made the same scrunched up face as before, Carmilla knew she wouldn't regret her decision to join them for a quick ride. 

Laura’s jaw dropped and her eyes narrowed before she scrunched her face with frustration. She wasn't sure why she found it so annoying, but she couldn't help it. Not only hadn't she said thank you for the first time they saved her, now she was being a jerk when they offered her a ride. What was even more annoying was that it made sense.  She _would_ have more room in the front, and she _did_ just wreck on a motorcycle. Plus, it was just a seat, it shouldn't even matter. 

That didn't stop Laura from grumbling quietly to herself as she climbed into the back seat, immediately regretting offering a ride, no matter how quick it would be. 

It seemed Laf and Perry were just fine with what was happening. Perry had already pulled out the map and was no doubt already recalculating time frames and plans for their stops the next day as well as finding where the bus station was and when Carmilla would need to be there. Ever the planner, that one.

"So, you must be Carmilla." Perry broke the heavy silence after a minute, leaning forward slightly so she could be heard by the girl in the front seat.

Laura felt her cheeks warm and was beyond grateful Carmilla was content to keep staring out the window. Introductions hadn't actually happened, so the fact that Perry already knew her name meant Laura had been talking about her prior to the current situation they all found themselves in. 

Carmilla hadn't missed it, though. 

"Must I be?" She was still facing the window, watching the city as they passed by it.

It wasn't as small as the town she had last stopped at, but it was still pretty quaint. 

Perry cleared her throat, clearly trying to navigate Carmilla's lack of friendliness. "Yes, well, you've met Laura." She smiled warmly at the girl sharing the back seat, completely missing Laura's expression of embarrassment and regret. "I'm Perry and this is Lafontaine." She reached forward and gave Laf's shoulder a squeeze. 

Carmilla finally glanced over her shoulder, first at Laura's still slightly red face, then the curly haired one sitting next to her, and finally the one with the wide grin behind the wheel. 

"I'd shake your hand but Laura has these rules about keeping them on the wheel while I'm driving." Laf shrugged like the idea made no sense then swerved quickly into a parking lot. 

"Geez fast and the furious." Carmilla's right hand quickly pressed against the dash board to steady herself as the car swerved then came to an abrupt stop. "You must really like tacos."

"You have no idea." Laf grinned and shut off the car before they all climbed out. 

Carmilla hung behind, walking slower than the rest of the group. For as nice as they were for offering her a ride with knowing only her name, they were still strangers. In Carmilla's experience, people never did anything without wanting something in return. No matter how innocent they seemed. 

Ell being a perfect example.

——

"Does she know she can sit with us?" Perry whispered across the table.

Laura glanced across the small restaurant and shrugged before going back to her food. 

Carmilla had ordered her food last and decided to sit across the room from the other three. To give her credit, it wasn't the _complete_ opposite side of the place, so maybe she was warming up to them?

"Did she just get free guacamole?!" Laf’s whisper wasn't quite a whisper as they looked wide eyed at the employee setting down a couple extra containers of guacamole in front of Carmilla. 

Laura turned to look and couldn't help the glare that formed. _Of course_. Laura hasn't seen Carmilla interact with someone without flirting up to this point. Of course she would charm her way into getting something. It was obvious Carmilla wasn't actually interested, but the guy standing next to the table like an idiot hadn't caught on to that quite yet. 

She actually felt bad for the guy when Carmilla's attention went back to her food and he looked around awkwardly before walking away slightly embarrassed. 

"Maybe we should rethink this whole, offering a complete stranger a ride, thing." As soon as Laura said it, Carmilla looked her way. 

Instantly she swallowed heavily, feeling guilty and hoping Carmilla hadn't heard her. It had been her idea to offer her a ride in the first place, for whatever reason. She was having a hard time remembering why in this moment. She was also having a hard time figuring out why she suddenly was changing her mind about it. 

Even without trying, Carmilla was frustrating her. It was like her magical power. 

"We are not leaving her stranded in a taco shop in a strange city." Perry chastised quietly, “She's been in an accident and clearly has no one else nearby so the least we can do is get her to a bus station so she can get home."

Laura sighed knowing Perry was right. Didn't mean she had to like it, though. 

"You ready?"

Carmilla looked up slowly at Laura. It had been entertaining watching her. She was trying her hardest to be nice, Carmilla could tell. But Carmilla was also doing everything she could to make that difficult.  It had quickly become a game for Carmilla. What could she do that would irritate Laura without actually being something considered rude or give her a good excuse to not be nice?

"Sure, cupcake." Carmilla slid her chair back and stood up with a smirk. She moved her arm in a wide gesture, "After you."

Laura just pursed her lips and turned to walk out the door. Perry had taken the drivers seat and Laf was walking towards the car. 

"Shotgun!" Laf yelled as the other two approached. 

Carmilla ignored them and opened the front passenger door and slid in quickly. 

Laf’s jaw dropped and they looked at Laura who only offered a shrug before climbing in the back. They stepped towards the front seat and leaned over a little, "did you, uh.. I called shotgun.."

Carmilla brushed her hand over her thighs like she was smoothing out her pants before looking up at Laf with a blank expression. 

"Shotgun." They chuckled, "You know. Someone calls it and they get the front seat?”

Carmilla's eyebrows pressed together but she stayed silent. 

Laura scoffed when Laf’s face shifted to sheer confusion at Carmilla's lack of response. She would never say it out loud, but Carmilla's tactics were actually kind of funny. When they weren't being used on her, of course. 

"Uh, it's a game.. But you.. huh.” Laf stood up, perplexed by the whole thing and just stepped back to the back door without even finishing their thought. They had never in their entire life given up shotgun after calling it. How had that just happened?

Laura just patted their leg once they climbed in and shook her head. At least she wasn't the only one left completely frustrated and confused by this girl. 

They all sat silently as Perry pulled out of the parking lot and headed to the motel they had booked for the night. It wasn't that far from the taco place but with Perry's speed...

"You realize I could walk there faster, right?" Carmilla didn't actually seem as annoyed as her words would suggest. "Even after getting in a motorcycle accident. I could walk faster."

Laf snickered in the back seat and Laura tried to hide her own smile. This is why they hadn't let Perry drive yet. She was probably the safest out of all of them, but Carmilla was right. A brisk walk would be able to beat her in a race sometimes. 

"I'm just being cautious." Perry replied, keeping her eyes on the road and hands firmly on the wheel.

Carmilla sighed and turned to look back out the window. The sun was just setting, the sky turning grey and a few stars already making their appearance for the night.  As they pulled into the motel parking lot Carmilla quickly noticed the bar next to it. 

Laura noticed Carmilla sit up and saw where her focus was. Not wanting to allow the chance for miscommunication she cleared her throat. 

"Carmilla." She waited but the girl didn't turn around. She decided to keep going anyway, "We have a couple planned stops tomorrow before we hit the town with the bus station. If we leave by 8 we should have plenty of time to make our stops and still get you there before it's too late."

Carmilla nodded and reached for the door handle, not bothering to wait until the car was completely stopped before letting herself out. Things had already been awkward enough, she didn't see the point in letting the rest of the night be the same way. 

Laura scrambled out of the back seat once Perry had stopped the car, "We are leaving at 8!"  She narrowed her eyes when Carmilla just offered a weak wave over her shoulder. "With or without you!"

Carmilla finally turned around to face her, the familiar smirk pulling at her lips, "I heard you the first time, cupcake."

"We are in room 4 if you'd like to join us!" Perry called after her, much more cheerfully than Laura had. 

She waved a hand in the air as a response before she hopped over the short barrier separating the motel and the bar parking lot and casually walked into the building. 

Laura just stared after her, completely baffled with the whole situation. She had never hated someone and felt bad for them at the same time like she did with Carmilla. It was seriously messing with her. She wasn't sure if she should kill her with kindness, or just kill her. 

"She seems lovely." Perry smiled sincerely before turning and walking towards the room they had rented for the night. 

Both Laf and Laura just snorted, grateful for Perry and her ability to somehow be so oblivious to the shortcomings of others. She always did like to see the good, rather than the bad.  

——

"We are in room 4 if you'd like to join us!"

The voice called after her but it wasn't Laura's. Which, she kind of expected. Carmilla wasn't being the greatest travel companion so far. Pushing buttons where she could and not feeling the slightest bit bad about it. It was entertaining, for now. And by this time tomorrow she would be on a bus and headed to Will. 

Carmilla pulled in a deep breath as she walked into the stuffy bar. It smelled like beer, the air thick and the familiar sounds of bad music and slurred chatter. It wasn't particularly busy. It was a week night and a fairly small town. The drinkers littering the bar and tables were here to forget their lives, their problems. Not meet a mysterious stranger or find a hook up. That was reserved for the weekends. 

This crowd was much more depressing and Carmilla thought about leaving. Until she saw the pair of women behind the bar. Small town and small chance either of them would be into women- but she always did like a challenge. 

“Scotch." Carmilla's voice was smooth and low, already giving off her air of seduction. 

She sat down on a stool at the same time a glass was set in front of her with a smile. Maybe she had better luck than she thought.

——

It didn't take long for the events of the day to catch up to Laura once she sat down in their small motel room. It seemed like days since the crash, when really it was only a few hours ago. Pulling out her journal she sat back against the wall, stretching her legs out on the bed. Maybe the way Carmilla was acting was her way of dealing with everything that had happened that day. She did practically get run over. And her motorcycle got smashed. 

 _Still_. Laura frowned as she started writing across the new page in her journal.

_Day 2_

_Today I nearly ran over someone—  And after further reflection, I'm sort of wishing I had finished the job._

_I’m kidding._

_Maybe._

“Do you think we should leave the door unlocked for her?” Laf asked as they hopped onto the other bed in the room.

“What?” Laura looked up quickly, the scowl she had fixed on her journal dropping. “No.”

“Why not?” Perry asked as she walked out of the bathroom in her nightgown.

“Really?” Laura looked at them both like they were crazy. When all she got in return were looks of pure curiosity, she rolled her eyes. “She’s a big girl. Obviously she would rather drink than sleep, so let her.”

Perry pursed her lips together and twisted them slightly as she looked at Laf then back at Laura. “She’s had a rough day.”

“Ha!” Laf rolled over and scooted to the head of the bed, “Rough day is stepping in gum and your ice-cream melting before you eat it.”

“Okay.” Perry sat down on the edge of the mattress and turned to face the other, “She’s had a _really_ rough day. I can understand needing a minute alone to decompress.”

Laura pulled in a heavy breath, knowing Perry was right. She wasn't sure why it had irritated her so much that Carmilla had left them the first chance she got. Its not like they were happy travel buddies all of a sudden. They were a means to an end for her. They were nothing more than a ride to the bus station. And Laura had regretted offering the ride as soon as it began.

Then hated it when Carmilla disappeared. But why?

"Can you imagine though?" Laf scratched their head, "Nearly get ran over, your bike destroyed, end up in a hospital and stranded." They blew out a breath at the idea of it all, "And I mean, we know zero about her but it seemed like she was pretty much on her own, ya know? Having to accept help from complete strangers... I'd need a drink too."

Laura looked down at the journal in her lap. Suddenly the words she had written seemed unfair. She could remember the look on Carmilla's face when she had first stepped up to the curb next to her. She looked lost. 

That was it.  

Carmilla had looked how Laura was feeling.  

Carmilla must have thought she had a plan. Ride her bike to.. _wherever it was she was going_. And then suddenly that was no longer an option. She knew she wanted to get somewhere but suddenly had no idea how to make it happen. 

It made sense when Laura thought about it. She had just finished college, always having this idea of what she was going to do- then graduation came and what she wanted wasn't hers. Not yet. And she wasn't sure how to get it. 

The situations may have been different, but the basic idea of it all the same. 

They were both lost. Wanting to get somewhere with no idea how to. And Laura hated that aspect of her life at the moment, so seeing it so blatantly in Carmilla had made her dislike the girl. Which wasn't fair and Laura knew it. 

——

"Haven't seen you around before." The girl behind the bar lingered after setting down the glass in front of Carmilla. "New in town?"

Carmilla lifted the glass and slowly swirled the liquid before taking a sip. "Passing through." She set the glass down but kept a hold of it gently, her eyes taking in the figure of the girl slowly. She was pretty, blonde hair, blue eyes, she reminded her of Ell. Except for her smile. Her smile reminded her of Laura.

She shook her head at the thought, her eyes landing on the blondes lips. The girls smile shifted to a smirk, one that seemed as practiced as her own and an absence of blush that let Carmilla know she was just as an experienced player in the game of seduction. It wasn't often Carmilla ran into someone on the same level as her, but when she did it always proved to be fun. 

"Just for the night actually." Carmilla licked her lips and arched an eyebrow, "Anything fun to do around here?"

Carmilla took another slow sip of her drink, watching as the bartender leaned her elbows down on the bar. The blonde leaned forward, knowing exactly how her shirt would fall open to offer a view of her cleavage, a smile spread on her lips as she watched Carmilla closely.

Carmilla took her time finishing her drink. Taking small sips between flirting. It was fun playing the game with someone that knew how to play just as well. Carmilla found herself chuckling more than once at the use of lines she's used in the past herself. It was amusing to be on the receiving end of the game of seduction for once. 

Another scotch and a couple shots later and the bartender, Katy, was making her way around the bar and leading Carmilla out of the building by the hand. 

"You have a room?" Katy asked with a smile as they made their way towards the motel next door. 

For the first time since entering the bar Carmilla remembered exactly what had brought her there and her new travel companions. She would have felt bad, (maybe she did.. But it didn't make sense why), but figured as long as she showed up at 8, they probably didn't care how she spent her night. 

"I'm about to." She didn't look at Katy, but headed towards the office to rent a room quickly. She wasn't sure if it was just walking by the door marked with a 4 that made her momentarily uncomfortable, or the fleeting thought that maybe it would be nice if someone _did_  care how she spent her night. 

—

The conversation about Carmilla ended fairly quickly, everyone deciding if she wanted to join them she would. She seemed good at doing what she wanted without anyone else's opinion mattering. 

The lights were off, a small glow from the lights lining the motel shining through the thin curtains covering the window. A low hum emanating from the small AC under the windowpane and the slight chirping from crickets outside filled the empty space and interrupted Laura's sleepy thoughts. 

Maybe she had been approaching this whole thing the wrong way. She had been upset at Carmilla for reasons that seemed stupid now that she knew what they were. Maybe instead of letting herself be annoyed constantly, she should make more of an effort to help her. At least for the short time they would be spending together. 

The shadow of a figure passed by the window and Laura's eyes locked on the curtains holding onto the dark shape of a woman. Momentarily feeling.. _excited? Happy?_  ..that maybe Carmilla had decided to join them after all. But the figure kept moving, followed by another, and whatever it was Laura was feeling switched to annoyance. Again. 

It seemed getting over that constant feeling when it came to Carmilla was going to be more difficult than she thought.  But it was just one day. She could rise above it and be the bigger person and maybe, just maybe, help Carmilla in some small way. 

And if she's lucky, maybe help herself in the process. 

—

Carmilla pressed her palms into the mattress and shifted herself to sit up slightly, the pillow wedged behind her back. She tugged the sheet up to cover herself loosely before throwing her right arm behind her head and taking a deep breath.

Katy had been just as fun as Carmilla thought she would be. But now the blonde was fast asleep, sprawled out naked under the comforter with an arm hanging off the edge of the bed.

Her injuries had made things… _less than ideal_. Once they had gotten into the room, undressing wasn't as smooth as she would have hoped. Shifting positions and moving was more work than fun and to be honest, she was grateful once things had slowed down and Katy had fallen asleep. Her shoulder was sore, her head still hurt, her hip seemed to make every position uncomfortable and she probably shouldn't have drank as much as she did.

Was that bad for a concussion? She couldn't remember. Which was another problem.

The pieces of the day were still fuzzy and it was driving her crazy. She didn't bother being gentle as she climbed out of the bed. It was clear Katy had drank enough and was worn out enough that she wouldn't wake easily. So Carmilla got dressed, not bothering to quiet the hiss from pain as she pulled her shirt on, then walked outside into the warm night air.

She rubbed her shoulder gently, letting her feet take her down the path along the numbered doors of the motel. They were all the same. Small rooms, with hundreds of lives having passed through them over the years. Some running away from things, some running to them. Carmilla wasn't sure what kind of running she was doing.

The familiar sound of water caught her attention and she made her way to the small pool. The turquoise tiles and poorly glowing lights reminding her of the pool from the night before. She chuckled at the memory of Laura nearly drowning before she took hold of her, then a flash of what felt like a memory made her smile fall. She rubbed the back her her head, now throbbing with the memory of _something_. Of Falling. But it was more than that. It was her grabbing onto Laura before falling roughly to the ground.

Carmilla took a deep breath, trying to figure out if it was a real memory or a makeshift one of the night in the pool and falling off her bike.

She wasn't sure. She also wasn't sure it mattered.

Her next movements were slow, but that didn't matter.  She was alone on the deck surrounding the pool, only the faintest sounds from the bar could be heard anymore. As she dropped her clothes in a pile on one of the old pool lounge chairs she consciously leveled her breathing. The water was cold- colder than the pool the night before, and she had goosebumps as soon as her feet were in the water. 

She lowered herself as slowly as she could with one arm, letting the water slowly envelop her body. Chlorine stung against already irritated skin. The bandages covering the road rash on her hip and shoulder soaking in water. 

It was the feeling of pain, but it felt good. A reminder that she wasn't completely numb, no matter how much she thought she wanted to be.

Staying afloat was more difficult with only the use of one side of her body so Carmilla pulled in a deep breath, feeling her lungs fill with air before letting herself slip below the water completely. 

The sounds of the world around her became more distorted as she sank further towards the bottom. Background noise blending together in unrecognizable sounds. She closed her eyes and focused on the feeling of pressure building in her lungs. 

15... 16... 17...

She kept count as the seconds passed. With each number silently spoken in her mind, her body became more relaxed. She let her arms relax, lifting at her sides, as she fell further towards the bottom. 

27... 28... 29...

Once the pressure in her chest became too much, she slowly allowed a stream of air to pass between her lips. Her back lowered to the base of the pool and she watched as bubbles lifted towards the surface. 

1... 2... 3...

Numbers becoming the only thing running through her mind. Like reaching a certain one would rid her lungs of the ache from the absence of air or her bodies desire to panic and push her toward the surface. Wanting to follow the bubbles escaping her lips, rising to escape the pressure of drowning. 

23... 24... 25...

As long as she kept counting, she could push everything else out of her mind. Making herself believe, if only for this moment, this situation, she was in control of her own fate. 

32... 33... 34...

Only numbers. No Ell. Or her mother. Or the uncertainty that seemed to overtake her entire life in a matter seconds. The past had been a lie, and her future was unclear.

So she focused on what was easy. Thoughtless.

Numbers, and water.

——

Laura wasn't sure what woke her up, until she realized how tightly she had curled herself in a ball under the thin comforter. The hum of the air conditioning filled the room as she groaned to herself, wishing she could shut it off without actually moving. 

Moving things with her mind would be a good skill to have right now. 

But, once she hadn't exactly developed that talent yet, Laura climbed out of the bed and walked to the AC that sat just below the window. She blindly pushed buttons until the low hum stopped and the unit seemed to turn completely off. With a sigh she turned to check the pair in the other bed, like she expected, they were both still fast asleep. It wasn't new that they could both literally sleep through just about anything. 

One year in the dorm, someone had pulled the fire alarm just after midnight, and it had taken effort from both Laf and Laura to wake Perry. Even with the blaring siren and flashing emergency lights. And Laf... well Laf could sleep just about anywhere at any time. Which they proved by falling asleep under lab tables, library desks, on the couch in the middle of the Zetas Halloween party and many, many other times.

Laura chuckled then looked quickly at the glowing red numbers of the clock on the bedside table. 

_3:41am_

It honestly felt like she had just barely fallen asleep. With the day they had, she probably could have slept for days if she was allowed to. But according to Perry's schedule, she had to be up and ready to go in just 4 hours. 

Her palms rubbed quickly up and down her arms, trying to warm them up a bit. Realizing it was probably warmer outside than it was inside, she pulled open the curtain and reached for the lock on the window. 

She slid the window open and took a deep breath of warm air as it drifted into the room. Surprised to see movement outside at such a late hour, she squinted her eyes to try and focus on the person walking down the path. She quickly realized it was Carmilla, which only make her more curious. 

She watched her stop at the edge of the small pool and just stand there. Apparently just staring at the water. 

For a second Laura felt awkward about watching the girl, but then Carmilla turned and Laura couldn't help herself but to stay in her spot next to the window and watch. 

That is until Carmilla started to undress. Then it was an internal battle of being really curious about the girl and, what level of creepy is it to watch her take her clothes off?

Not wanting to be a total creep won, and Laura looked down, her mind reeling. It was obvious something about this girl caught her attention. Sometimes it was curiosity, others complete frustration, and sometimes even the desire to help her. She wasn't sure why. They were still pretty much strangers, but there was something about her that felt familiar and mysterious all at the same time and Laura couldn't help herself. 

The sound of water pulled Laura's attention back up and she watched as Carmilla kicked the surface with her foot, then slowly started to crouch down and let herself into the pool. 

It was obvious she was hurting from the accident earlier that day, but she seemed determined to get in the pool for whatever reason. It seemed strange for anyone to want to go for a swim at 4 in the morning but so far everything about this girl had been puzzling to Laura, why would she start making sense now?

The current show of determination told Laura everything she needed to know about the girl. She was stubborn, didn't like depending on anyone but herself, and did whatever the hell she wanted. 

_Like go swimming at 4 in the morning with an injured shoulder and a concussion._

Her drop into the water was less graceful than she probably wanted and now all Laura could see was the top of her head over the edge of the pool. A couple seconds passed, then Carmilla disappeared completely.

Laura watched with bated breath for her to come back to the surface but she stayed out of sight and most likely under water. Just like the night before, Laura had the thought to go check on her but decided against it. It felt like she had been out of sight for an eternity when really it had been maybe 20-30 seconds. 

So she waited. 

A tightness in her chest made her realize she had been holding her breath. Maybe in solidarity with Carmilla, or out of nervousness, either way she let it out quickly before pulling in another large inhale. She turned to look at the clock, sure it had been an hour since they had both taken a breath, but it had barely been a minute. 

Laura wasn't sure why she was so worried for the girl. Maybe it was because they shared the sheer dumb luck of being in the same place at just the wrong (or right) time to save each other. Like it or not, they had been pushed together more than once and even though their time together would be ending as soon as Carmilla got on a bus— Laura could help but feel like it had all been for a reason.

When Carmilla finally emerged from the water she looked lighter. Laura had been worried she was going to drown, and yet, it looked as though it had been a completely relaxing experience for Carmilla. 

Laura watched her push herself up and climb out of the pool. Other than a slight grimace when she put pressure on her arms to pull herself out of the water, it seemed Carmilla was completely ignoring her injuries like if she pretended it didn't hurt, it wouldn't. 

She didn't bother putting her clothes on, instead she balled them up and picked up her boots and started making her way back down the path. Laura pulled the curtain so she was watching her from a small crack, suddenly feeling plenty warm and didn't need the air from outside to help heat her up anymore.

Laura also didn't miss the fact that they hadn't had an actual conversation yet, but she had seen her nearly naked. More than once. 

Not wanting to get caught, she let the curtain close all the way and made her way back to the bed. She climbed in, pulling the covers up to her chin and closed her eyes, listening and maybe partly hoping Carmilla was finally going to join them.

She didn't. 

Instead, Laura listened as footsteps padded past the window and a door down the way opened and shut. Then she was quickly falling back to sleep, but not before deciding she was going to make the most of the time they would all have together the next day. 

Carmilla was a mystery with strongly built walls, but Laura knew she could figure her out if she tried hard enough. And figuring her out would be the first step in being able to help her.

If there was one thing she had figured out already, it was that Carmilla didn't let people in easily. And for some reason, she seemed to avoiding this _ex_ girlfriend like the plague. Which probably only backed up her reasoning not to let people in further.  She also knew that Carmilla looked lost. Which is what had spurred her frustration to begin with. But more than that— somehow she seemed both angry and completely un phased about it, which Laura just couldn't wrap her head around.  

If you're lost, you get found. That's just how it is. So for her to seem fine with riding in the middle just didn't sit right with Laura. It could have been her own feeling of helplessness in her own _‘feeling lost'_ situation, but she was determined to help Carmilla find a direction.   

Which of course, had nothing to do with Laura avoiding her own fears of uncertainty surrounding her own future. 

Not. At. All. 


	5. Change of plans

When Laura, Perry and Laf left their room, they were all surprised to see Carmilla already at the car. She was sitting on the hood with a paper cup in her hand and a frown on her face. She had dark circles under her eyes and it looked like she had just woken up. Or maybe hadn't slept at all. 

"Good morning Carmilla." Perry was the first to greet her as they approached the car. 

"Is it?" Carmilla grumbled half heartedly before taking a sip of the coffee in her cup. She noticed Laura's slight apprehensiveness as she approached a little slower than the other two. She looked like she was giving herself a pep talk. Either that or she was genuinely surprised to see Carmilla. Maybe both. "You did say 8, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah." Laura shrugged a shoulder before dropping her bag on the ground near the trunk. "I guess I didn't picture you being so... Punctual?"

"Hmm." Carmilla hummed quietly before taking another sip and sliding down off the hood of the car. 

Carmilla had been right. Laura was giving herself a pep talk. She hadn't forgotten her thoughts from the night before, less annoyance, more help. So far so good. Kind of.

"Is that coffee?" Laura asked with a smile. Stupid question, but small talk was hard suddenly and she was pretty certain starting a conversation pointing out how alone and directionless Carmilla was wouldn't go well. So, awkward small talk it was. 

"It is." Carmilla narrowed her eyes slightly at the girl. She was acting strange. Stranger than usual. Even if her sense of usual for Laura was a few random run ins and a quick ride to the motel. Usually Laura was more, flustered and annoyed and slightly less _awkward_.

"Oh, well, you know what they say about coffee." Laura chuckled nervously. Who were _'they'_? And did they say anything about coffee? This was not going well. Why was this so hard?

Carmilla just looked at her curiously, raising an eyebrow and taking another sip. This day was going to be interesting, she could already tell. 

"Were you out all night?" Perry asked as she handed Laf her bag. "You haven't changed your clothes."

Thank the heavens for Lola Perry. Bailing Laura out of awkward moments by being just as awkward, if not more. 

"We are on a tight schedule today but we can wait for you to change into something cleaner, if you'd like." Perry added with a smile, clearly hoping Carmilla would catch the hint and change, even if only for Perry's sake. 

"My clothes are all in my bag." Carmilla replied, watching Laf pop the trunk to pack the car, "Which is sitting right there in the car. Where it was all night."

"Oh my." Perry nearly lunged for the bag and pulled it out, shoving it at Carmilla. "Silly us. We didn't even think— and you never came by the room so it must have just slipped our minds."

Carmilla accepted the bag, without much choice, stumbling a bit with how hard Perry had shoved it at her. The girl really wanted her to change clothes, apparently. 

"Uh, Perr, we already turned in the key." Laf was tying to refit all the bags in the trunk, as well as stuff that had been in the back seat in an effort to make more room in the car now that they had another passenger.

"It's fine." Carmilla finished what was left of her coffee and handed Laura the empty cup before leaving them by the car while she walked to the room she had rented the night before. 

Truthfully, she had gone back to the room the night before just long enough to shower, leaving her wet clothes laying over the air unit under the window with the heat on to dry. After that, she had left Katy once again and made her way down the road to the first place she could find that was actually open. 

The gas station clerk was surprised when she walked in, but was nice enough to offer her the day old donuts when all she had planned on getting was a coffee. After that, she had walked around aimlessly, stopping back at the same gas station for a refill before making her was back to the motel after the sun had started to rise.

So Katy's surprised face when she walked back in the room was kind of expected. 

"I thought maybe you left already." Katy was sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling her own shoes on like she was about to leave as well. 

"I did." Carmilla shrugged and tossed the duffle bag on the bed before unzipping it and looking at its contests. "Decided to change first."

Perry was right to all but force her to change. Everything she was wearing was either ripped or dirty from the wreck still. 

"Oh, cool." Katy stood up and straightened out her shirt casually.

Carmilla was glad she didn't seem offended by her nearly leaving without a word. But just like the night before, Katy seemed to know what game they had been playing and didn't mind one way or the other. 

"Did you ever come back?" Katy asked, watching Carmilla as she moved carefully, trying to pull her shirt off. "After your shower, I mean." 

"No, sorry." Carmilla tossed the ripped shirt on top of the duffle bag and started to pull the clean one on. "I don't really do sleep overs."

Katy just chuckled and stepped forward, hands on her hips, "Coulda fooled me."

Carmilla smirked and shook her head as she stepped out of her ripped jeans. "I mean actual sleep."

"One of those, huh?"

"One of what?" Carmilla pulled a clean pair on before shoving the dirty clothes in her bag and reaching for her boots.

"One of those people that thinks sleeping is more personal than sex." Katy's tone was completely neutral. She wasn't judging her, or making fun of her, just simply making an observation. A correct one at that.

Carmilla didn’t respond. She wasn’t sure how to. Katy was right, sex was easier than intimacy. Especially lately. Just sex meant no feelings, no strings, no expectations and no chance of getting hurt.

They walked out of the room together, an unlikely understanding come from a one night stand, and it didn’t go unnoticed. Perry and Laf had the map spread across the trunk, pointing and talking and mapping out their route for the day. Laura should have been paying attention, standing between the pair, but her eyes were on Carmilla and the blonde walking beside her.

“They belong to you?” Katy asked, nodding towards the group at the car.

Carmilla looked their way, noticing Laura’s attempt to look away before getting caught watching. "For today."

"They look nice." Katy chuckled as they watched Laf plug their ears and shake their head wildly as Perry reached across the map, trying to show them something. Laura was just standing in the middle of them, eyes wide and zoning out like she had stopped listening ages ago.

"They look like idiots." Carmilla dead panned. Honestly, how had they become the group that had saved her?

Katy laughed loudly and stepped up closer to Carmilla, interlocking their arms and pressing their sides together. In that moment, Laura looked over toward Carmilla and Katy with a frown. 

Katy leaned close to whisper in Carmilla’s ear, but kept her eyes locked on Laura, "The little angry one looks jealous."

Carmilla laughed quietly. It wasn't jealously, it was frustration. She had been seeing that face a lot since this all began. "It's a shame I have to leave so soon. I think I actually like you."

Katy just smiled, pleased with herself but not smug about it, "Same." 

They both looked back to the car where the other three were still bickering over gas station stops and who would be driving that day. Laura once again was caught watching them and looked away quickly. Carmilla gave Katy a wink and headed for the group slowly while Katy started heading for the bar where she had left her car in the parking lot. 

"Oh good!" Perry quickly, yet meticulously folded up the map they had been looking it and pulled the trunk open for Carmilla's bag. "We all set?"

"Who was that?" Laura tried to ask casually but definitely needed to take some acting classes before I would be believable. 

"She looks very nice! You must have had a good night." Perry chimed in while shooing Laf towards the drivers seat.

Laf and Laura just looked at Perry, completely stunned she would make reference to Carmilla hooking up with a stranger as a 'good night'. Carmilla just smirked as she pulled her phone from her duffle bag before shutting the trunk. 

"Already making new friends whenever you stop." Perry smiled warmly and put her hands on her hips, "I knew I had a good feeling about you."

Laf just chuckled, realizing Perry's thoughts on Carmilla's night had been completely innocent. Laura just rolled her eyes and looked around at everyone standing by the car. 

"Well, Laf is driving first and Perry called shotgun so..." Laura lied about Perry calling shotgun, but she knew the easiest way for her to start getting to know Carmilla and figuring her out would be if they were both stuck in the back seat. 

"Ha!" Laf belted loudly, pulling open the driver side door, "She doesn't get the rules of shotgun so there's no way-"

They stopped talking, their jaw dropping instead, when Carmilla shrugged and pulled open the back door for the first time since they had all became travel companions. She climbed in and shut the door without a word, leaving Laura pleased and Laf stunned. 

"Oh sure." Laf frowned, "She follows the rules when someone else calls it."

Carmilla grabbed the yellow pillow that was in the back and situated it under her left arm, propping it up slightly. "How long till our first stop?" She finally asked once everyone else was in the car and buckling their seat belts. 

"About an hour." Perry adjusted the front seat, scooting it up to give Carmilla more room. 

"45 minutes tops." Laf smiled as they swerved out of the parking lot and quickly headed to the highway.

Carmilla sighed and pulled out her phone, frowning at the cracked screen as she started a new text—

_  
Carmilla: I’m sending you a pin of my location. Don’t ask questions, just look up the nearest bus station and when the last bus to get to you leaves._

  
She quickly dropped a pin on her map and attached it to the text. A reply came almost immediately. 

_Will: Why do you need a bus? You going to buy Maxine a ticket to ride too?_

_Carmilla: I said no questions asshole. Just find out and text me back._

“So, Carmilla.” Laura was ready to retry her attempt at making friends with Carmilla. Or at the very least, having a conversation with her that wasn't a complete disaster. “Before your little… accident… where were you headed?”

Carmilla looked at Laura briefly before going back to her phone, typing out a text to Ell quickly—

_Carmilla: I’m not coming back. Good luck with my mother_

Deciding all her bases were covered, hoping Ell would get the picture and leave her alone, and Will would help her figure out when and where she needed to be (she wasn't sure she could just leave it up to the three strangers to get her there), other than that, she had nothing to do and nowhere to be. Including divulging her life story to an over eager girl in the back seat of a car.

In Carmilla’s opinion, back seats weren't meant for talking.

So instead of answering Laura’s question, Carmilla plugged a pair of earphones into her phone then stuck them in her ears. 

Laura frowned as she watched Carmilla close her eyes, cross her arms over her chest and completely ignore her. 

The icing on the cake? She had Laura's yellow pillow tucked under her arm so Laura couldn't even use it to nap while they drove to their first stop of the day. 

Yeah, this was going to be more work than she realized. 

——

Carmilla was sure falling asleep in the car after spending the night awake would be easy. She was wrong. Laf’s driving was anything other than relaxing. Carmilla had turned her music up loud enough to drown out the sound of voices, so even if they were trying to talk to her, she wouldn't hear. The random and sharp movements of the car had made her hit her head against the window more than once before she moved the pillow to the space between her and the door instead of under her arm. She figured avoiding a second concussion was more important than relieving the slight pain lingering in her shoulder.

The pillow helped. At least she wasn't slamming her head every other second now. Her body on the other hand, completely tense. Which didn't help the soreness already there from the accident the day before. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't make herself relax. She had tried counting her breathing like she did in the pool. Didn't have the same effect. Silently reciting the lyrics of her music. Didn't help.

She refused to open her eyes though. They had been driving long enough that the other passengers probably thought she was asleep by now, and she didn't want to open up the chance for conversation. She never really had been a fan of small talk.

It seemed Laf had calmed down and the car was swerving less and Carmilla could feel her shoulders start to relax slightly. That is, until she felt something lean against her left shoulder. 

She couldn't help but open her eyes, quick to look at what had decided to press against her already hurt shoulder and was surprised to see Laura, fast asleep. She must have slowly slid towards Carmilla while Laf was driving and now had her head leaned firmly against her shoulder.

Carmilla’s first instinct was to be annoyed. She was surprised by the reason though. She was annoyed that Laura had been able to fall asleep while she hadn’t. It wasn't until she glanced towards the front seat and saw Laf watching her in the rear view mirror that she realized she hadn't actually done anything about Laura being asleep on her, and thats what she probably should have been annoyed about.

Without another thought, she shrugged her shoulder, wincing slightly at the soreness and looking away when Laura shot upright and awake.

Laura looked around, slightly sleepy and confused before she realized she was half leaning over the back seat and definitely in Carmilla’s space. When Laf snickered from the drivers seat, she knew what had happened. 

She scooted back away from Carmilla to the far side of the seat, glancing over at her but Carmilla had already closed her eyes and appeared to be back to listening to her music and ignoring everyone else. Laura couldn't help but glare at how comfortable she seemed.

“Maybe if someone had their own pillow and didn't insist on stealing mine…” It came out a low grumble as Laura tried to get comfortable without the use of Carmilla's shoulder. 

Carmilla smirked and Laura’s glare deepened. She had thought Carmilla wouldn't hear her but apparently she had. And found it amusing.

Carmilla forced herself to keep her eyes closed as soon as Laura had started scooting away, but quickly lowered the volume on her music enough to hear when Laura had grumbled under her breath. She wasn't sure what was more amusing; When Laura forced herself to be nice, or when she finally said what she was really thinking.

——

"A beet farm?" Carmilla glared out the window at the old wooden frame of a barn like building. 

She had managed to sleep for the final 30 minutes it had taken them to get there.  After seeing Perry's face of relief at their arrival, she was glad she hadn't been awake to witness the rest of Lafontaine’s driving. Cutting 20 minutes off their driving time was impressive, but Carmilla didn't need any terrifying driving flashbacks quite yet. 

"It's not just a farm!" Perry exclaimed, more excited than Carmilla had seen her yet. "It has lots of interesting history information, and a pickling station!"

"Yeah, Carmilla." Laf grinned, "A pickling station!"

Carmilla glared at them through the rear view mirror. Perry had no idea Laf was making fun of her- playfully, of course. Laura had felt the same way Carmilla seemed to be feeling about this particular stop. But the yarn ball had turned out to be a lot of fun. Maybe beets had a secret appeal they just weren't aware of yet. 

"Hard pass." Carmilla sank back against the seat and started to put her headphones back in her ears. 

Carmilla's lack of interest in participating was seriously getting in the way of Laura's plan to get to know her. They only had so much time together before she would get on a bus and be gone forever and even that knowledge didn't change the urgency Laura felt to crack through Carmilla's exterior and figure her out. 

"Oh come on." Laura quickly pleaded, "It could be fun?"

"You're kidding." Carmilla replied flatly. "Look, I'm only here because I need a ride. So go do your pickling and your beets and whatever and I'll be here when you're done." Then her headphones were in her ears and her eyes were closed. "Roll the windows down before you go."

Laura huffed out a sigh, clearly disappointed. "Right. Cause we wouldn't want you to suffocate or anything."

Laura had mumbled her annoyance under her breath, so when Carmilla smirked it surprised her. It honestly seemed like the more frustrated Laura got, the more pleased Carmilla seemed. Like she was _trying_ to get on her nerves. 

"Come on, Laur." Laf had opened her door and was ushering her out of the car. "Just let her stay, it's fine."

Carmilla opened her eyes just in time to watch Laura roll hers and slam the door behind her.  She grinned to herself at how easily she could frustrate the other girl and started the music on her phone. 

She hadn't heard back from Will yet but it was barely 9am so there was plenty of time to get to the bus station. She hadn't bothered to ask about the stops they had planned for the day, figuring she would sleep through them all since she hadn't slept the night before. Plus, it seemed the easiest way to avoid bonding, which the trio seemed oddly interested in doing. The only thing she was thinking about was making sure she made it to the bus station in time to catch a bus to get to Will.  

—

"Another interesting fact about beets you may not know.." 

Their tour guide was a short old man. White hair, walked with a cane, his eyes said he was happy, even if his voice didn't. He had been talking in a monotone voice for the last 15 minutes. And Laura was pretty sure none of his ' _interesting facts_ ' were actually interesting. 

"...you can use beet juice as hair dye." The tour guide paused as if he was waiting for some sort of excited response. He didn't get one. “But, it washes out fairly quickly."

He seemed more disappointed about that fact than most people probably would be.  

"Think he's tried it?" Laf whispered to Laura as they trailed behind him and Perry. 

They were the only ones there. Go figure. 

"Oh definitely." Laura nodded, "you don't get this excited about beets and not try it."

"If Perry's hair wasn't already red, I'm positive she would make us try it on her." Laf responded with a grin. 

"Another interesting fact..."

Laura dropped her head back in exasperation. How long could this guy really talk about beets? Seriously, the tour had to be close to over. So far they had walked through a green house area where they grew the beets. A barn like area where they kept the picked beets. And they were walking up to what looked like the star of the show: A Pickling Station. What more could there be?

"And that concludes our tour. Please feel free to try out our pickling station to see how our process works or visit the shop for various beet treats."

Laf and Laura shared a look when Perry clapped for their guide. Clearly more pleased with this stop than the other two were. 

"Are you ready to try the pickling station?" Perry was smiling wide and clearly excited for the hands on portion of this stop. 

"Of course!" Laf did their best to try and match her excitement. They really did find her odd interests rather adorable. They didn't care about pickling, but Perry did and that was enough for them to go along with it happily. 

A couple minutes later and Laf and Perry were standing at a table being instructed on the pickling process by their tour guides wife. Laura had decided to sit this one out and was reading through a small paper pamphlet they had been given when they first walked in. It mostly just had the guides list of 'interesting facts' and a menu of all the different kinds of beets they had. There was a surprising amount. 

"Huh." Laura leaned her hip against the table as Laf struggled to get the pickling contents into a jar without spilling. "Did you know The Ancient Romans considered beets to be an aphrodisiac?"

See, now that was actually interesting. Their guide should have led with that one. 

"I actually did know that." Perry responded as she expertly filled her jar. 

Laf and Laura looked over at her with surprise. 

"Seriously?" Laura asked, folding the pamphlet and dropping it on the table. "Why on earth would you know that?"

Perry shrugged like it wasn't strange at all, "You never know when that information might come in handy.”

Laf’s eyebrows shot up and they turned to give Laura a surprised grin. Laura just laughed and glanced around, her eyes stopping on the array of treats set out. Thankfully, not all of them were beet related. 

—

Carmilla shifted in the back seat for what felt like the millionth time. It didn't make sense that she could sleep just fine while the car was moving, but now that she was alone and no longer at the mercy of Lafontaine’s diving, it was nearly impossible.  No matter how she positioned herself or the yellow pillow she had decided she was going to steal as often as possible, it just wasn't comfortable. 

She opened her eyes and groaned loudly. The heat in the car was more than comfortable, despite the all the windows being open and the slight breeze that drifted through the car gently. With effort, she shrugged her leather jacket off and dropped it on the back seat, trying to adjust her position once more. 

Pillow pushed into the space where the door and seat met, one leg up on the back seat, the other stretched between the the two in front of her and setting over the drivers seat, she leaned back against the pillow and sighed. 

Music filled her ears and the breeze gently rustled through stray curls as her breathing slowed and sleep finally stared to return. 

Then there was silence. 

Without opening her eyes, Carmilla scowled slightly as she huffed out a breath through her nose. Her phone was dead. She should have expected it to happen, really. She hadn't charged it for over a day and playing music for the last hour and a half drained what small percentage of life was left. 

And of course it would happen just as she finally got comfortable. 

Frustratedly she threw the pillow across the seat as she sat up, opened the door and climbed out. She didn't bother shutting the door, but did her best to stretch out. Tilting her head to one side, then the other. Gently lifting both arms a over her head, one being more cooperative than the other, and twisting slowly to stretch out her back. She looked around the empty parking lot, suddenly feeling impatient with her travel companions. 

"How long does it take to look at beets?" She muttered to herself as she stepped up to the front of the car and peering in the window, hoping a charger would be present in the front seat. She grinned when she saw the cord laying across the seat and immediately half climbed through the window to grab it and plug her phone in. 

—

Laura smiled as she walked out of the barn like building with a cup in each hand and a small bag handing from her arm. Laf and Perry were still enjoying themselves at the pickling station and Laura thought this was the perfect opportunity to try again with Carmilla. Maybe things would be less awkward if it was just a one on one situation instead of the whole car listening in. Her footsteps slowed when she noticed Carmilla had gotten out of the car. She had gotten rid of her jacket and Laura just watched as she slowly lifted her arms over her head and stretched her body to the side. 

Unconsciously Laura licked her lips as her footsteps slowed even more. She scoffed, feigning annoyance when Carmilla's chest rose with a deep breath before she moved to stretch to the opposite side. 

_Did everything she did have to be seductive?_

Ok, yeah, Carmilla had no idea Laura was even watching her so it wasn't on purpose, but still. Laura felt like it was well within her right to think Carmilla being hot was annoying. 

Laura wasn't stupid. Carmilla was attractive. Her attitude and knack for being a jerk usually made that fact easy to ignore. But from a distance, without the distraction of smart ass comments and annoying smirks, it was a lot harder to ignore Carmilla's general appearance. Which was... _Pleasing._  

From a distance, of course. A very, _very_ , far distance. 

She stopped walking all together when Carmilla leaned forward and reached through the front window of the car. Her backside was all that was in Lauras line of sight, her shirt riding up to show her low back, one side covered with a small bandage covering her road rash, while pale skin was visible on the other. Absentmindedly Laura lifted one of the cups and took a sip through the straw, needing something to help her suddenly dry mouth. That was enough to pull her out of her stupor. 

She pulled the cup away with a pucker on her face at the taste. Silently she chastised herself as she continued to make her way towards the car and the girl still leaning in through the window. 

Once she was standing next to the car, Laura cleared her throat. 

Carmilla attempted to stand up, surprised by the sound, and hit her head on the frame of the door. _Hard._

"Shit." She ducked low and stepped back and out of the car, a hand quickly coming up to the back of her head. "Why does your presence always seem to end with me having head injuries?" She glared at Laura as she rubbed her fingers against the spot she had hit. 

Laura returned the glare, unable to control the urge to be defensive. She quickly dropped it, reminding herself she was here to make peace with Carmilla and actually get to know her. Not strangle her. 

"Here." She held out one of the cups filled with red liquid. Her voice was harsher than she wanted, but at least she didn't just throw the drink at her. 

Carmilla eyed the drink, raising an eyebrow skeptically.

"Peace offering?" Laura sighed, slightly twisting the cup in her hand, urging Carmilla to take it. 

Carmilla reached out slowly and took the cup, still eyeing it warily. Laura gave her a nod and lifted her own cup to her lips as if to prove it was safe to drink. 

Carmilla mirrored Laura, taking a large sip of the drink before immediately regretting it. She forced herself to swallow the thick liquid before making a face of disgust, "What the hell?" She licked her lips at the bitter yet sour taste as she lifted the cup to look at it, as if inspecting it would make it clear why it was so disgusting. 

Laura couldn't help but laugh, having had the very same reaction only a minute ago. 

"This is disgusting." Carmilla frowned and tried to hand the cup back to Laura. 

Laura just shook her head with a smile, "Mine is just as gross." She stepped forward and put the cup on top of the car before reaching into the small plastic sack that had been hanging from her arm. "Which is why I also got..." She pulled out two cookies and held one out for Carmilla. 

"You think I'm going to trust you after this?" Carmilla held up her cup before setting it next to Laura's on the car and grabbing one of the cookies. It looked like chocolate and therefore seemed safe to eat, which Carmilla gladly did, and quickly. Anything to get the taste of whatever she had just drank out of her mouth. 

"It was a beet smoothie." Laura said after taking a bite of her own cookie. She took note of how Carmilla's mood changed as soon as chocolate was in the equation. Maybe that was the trick to this whole thing.

Carmilla scoffed as she took another bite, gesturing around them to all the signs and pictures that in some way or another made it clear they were at a beet farm. "You don't say?" 

Laura rolled her eyes at the sarcasm but took another bite. At least it seemed more playful than rude like it normally did. "You missed out on a very informational tour."

Laura leaned back against the car, trying to act casual and read Carmilla at the same time. She was usually good at that, but with Carmilla, she continued to stay clueless. It's like she shifted subtly between completely indifferent, to mildly amused, to slightly annoyed. Sometimes it was hard to tell which one she actually was. It was like she was in complete control of her emotions at all times.  Either that, or she barely had any at all. 

Carmilla basically ignored her and walked to the hood of the car, hopping up to sit on it with her feet dangling below her. She took another bite of cookie, closing her eyes and dropping her head back as she chewed. The sun was hot but felt good on her face. 

Laura watched her for a second and she wasn't sure if it was the challenge she felt from the silence or the way Carmilla looked in that moment, but she really wanted to get to know this girl. She wasn't sure how to get around Carmilla's tendency to ignore her, though. How are you supposed to get to know someone when they don't feel the slightest bit bad about leaving questions unanswered or ignoring your presence completely?

"Like, did you know beets are supposed to be an aphrodisiac?" Laura was sure that would get her attention. She wasn't wrong. But regretted it immediately when Carmilla looked at her with a smirk. 

"Really?" Carmilla arched an eyebrow and her look moved from amused to down right lustful. "Is that why you brought me that smoothie over there?" She slowly slid down off the car, landing gracefully on the ground and taking a smooth step towards Laura. "Hoping to get me all..." She paused, looking Laura up and down as she licked her lips, "...hot and bothered?"

Laura swallowed heavily as soon as Carmilla started inching towards her, and couldn't help but lick her lips to mirror the action as Carmilla licked her own. This had gone from 0 to 100 real quick and Laura just wasn't processing fast enough.  She knew Carmilla was probably messing with her, but that didn't stop her mouth from going dry and her eyes from being glued on the other girl. 

Nervously she reached over and grabbed the cup she had put on the roof of the car. She needed something else to focus on besides Carmilla, and something to keep her hands busy. Without thinking she brought the straw to her lips and took a large sip. 

Carmilla's air of seduction fell quickly and was replaced with a smug laugh as Laura scrunched up her face in disgust at the beet smoothie. 

Even though Laura knew it was a game before, the pure smugness in Carmilla's demeanor made her furious. 

"Why are you such a jerk?" Laura spat out, slamming the cup back on the car before crossing her arms over her chest with a glare. 

Carmilla's smug smile never faltered as she leaned a hip against the car. It was almost as if she was proud of herself for making Laura snap and finally give up on being nice. 

Laura was fuming but Carmilla didn't seem to care. They were in each others space, both waiting for the other to back down. Laura getting more frustrated by the second and Carmilla getting more amused.

“Hey guys, you’ll never believe what happened…” Laf trailed off as they approached the car, sensing tension between Laura and Carmilla. “Whats going on here?”

Laura pulled in a deep breath through her nose, still glaring at Carmilla, “Nothing.” She turned to Laf, forcing herself to smile, “What happened?”

Laf looked between the two of them, Laura was clearly trying to be interested in Laf while Carmilla was still watching Laura with a smirk, “Well, Perry suggested they add cinnamon to their pickling recipe and the couple in there just about exploded. They kicked us out.” Lafontaine looked completely pleased with it, "Perry got us kicked out of somewhere!"

Carmilla was instantly bored as Laf continued to tell their story, and went back to trying to plug her phone in. This time though, instead of climbing through the window she opened the door and connected it to the cord. Nothing happened. 

“Can we go yet?” Carmilla asked impatiently, knowing the car had to be on for the phone to get charged.  How long did they need to stay at this place anyway?

“Perry should be out in a minute.” Laf ignored her tone and reached for one of the cups on the car.

“No, don't—“ Laura tried to stop them from taking a drink but was too late.

Carmilla’s eyebrows rose as she watched them gulp down a good amount of beet smoothie. Laura did the same thing, her face grimacing in anticipation for Laf’s reaction to the taste. But Laf seemed perfectly fine.

They sipped more through the straw before setting it back in its place on top of the car and smiling. “You driving next?” They asked Laura casually.

“Gross.” Carmilla said under hear breath. So far this trip had been a never ending supply of amusement and part of her wondered what she would be missing after she got on that bus later.

“Uh, yeah.” Laura was still frowning, not sure how Laf had drank that much without gagging. “We have a ways to go, don’t we?”

“Couple hours maybe.” Laf shrugged and looked over their shoulder, seeing Perry had started making her way towards them. “Perry has it all mapped out.”

They were right. Perry showed up with a bag full of jars and a pleased smile. Clearly she had happy with their first stop of the day. 

“We ready to go?” She asked happily, making her way to the back of the car.

“Yeah but first you have to try the smoothie Laura got.” Laf grabbed the cup again and handed it to Perry after taking her bag from her.

Perry took a large sip, “Oh this is delicious.”

“Unbelievable.” Carmilla shook her head and rested her arm on the open passenger door.

Perry went to hand it back to Laura and was met with a shake of her head, “Keep it.”

Carmilla chuckled, glancing at Laura. They shared a moment of eye contact, a silent agreement that the other two were crazy for enjoying the drink. It was the first thing they seemed to agree on since meeting and it seemed to ease the tension that had been settling between them only a moment ago. Carmilla cleared her throat when the uncomfortable charge of electricity made itself known, barely there, but sparking in her chest none the less.

Not 5 minutes ago she was pretty sure Laura wanted to deck her in the face, and now Laura was smiling, almost bashfully, at the simplest moment shared between them up to that point. Carmilla wasn't sure how she felt about it. 

Once again, everyone got things packed up in the car as best they could and Laf yelled out “Shotgun” before people started climbing in.

 _Once again_ , Carmilla ignored them.

“Are you— are you messing with me?” Laf asked as soon as Carmilla had shut the door. They were baffled yet again. Her continued ignorance to the rules of shotgun didn't seem on purpose, but it had to be, right?

"What do you mean?"  Carmilla asked, feigning cluelessness. 

"I thought that—" Laf sighed, not sure how to explain it differently than they had already tried. "It's just... the front seat thing."

"I'm already here?" Carmilla looked around the front seat before looking back at Laf. "Do you want me to get out so you can sit here?”

Laf just stood there silently. Carmilla's words were plain and her voice seemed sincere and all they wanted to do was say ‘Yes! I called shotgun!’. Had it been Laura, they probably would have. But for some reason, Carmilla made it feel impossible to enforce the shotgun rules. 

"Don't be silly, we will take the back." Perry gave Laf a look before opening the back door and sliding in, leaving it open for Laf to follow. 

Laf couldn't really argue. Somehow, Carmilla had turned the situation around so Laf felt like they were the one being ridiculous instead of Carmilla ignoring the rules of shotgun. How did this keep happening?

Minutes later they were on the road again. They all agreed to stop for lunch before going all the way to their next destination, which Perry insisted on making a surprise. Carmilla figured that was because it would be even worse than stopping for beets and the red head didn't want anyone getting in the way of whatever terrible pit stop she had planned. 

 _God, her phone needed to charge faster._  

It was still dead. Red battery flashing anytime she tried to switch it on. Luckily she had been quick to stick her headphones in her ears, hoping the rest of the car wouldn't catch on that she could actually hear them. Ignoring them had been a pretty good move so far, but not having music to fill her ears made it hard, especially when they started talking about her. 

Laura had glanced over from the drivers seat a few times, Carmilla was used to it at this point. It was obvious Laura was trying to figure her out, and she didn't really think anything about the quick looks, until Laura spoke in a whisper. Obviously trying not to be heard by the girl staring out the window from the passenger seat.

"Where do you think she's going?" Laura asked quietly, glancing over her shoulder quickly so the pair in the back seat would know she was talking to them. 

Laf just shrugged, "Wherever it is, she's getting there in the front seat."

Laura couldn't help but smile, pressing her lips together tightly so Laf wouldn't see. The whole shotgun debacle had been pretty funny to watch so far. Laura had never seen Laf so utterly and completely confused and at a loss for words before. And Carmilla played it perfectly. Acting clueless while seeming completely pleased with herself at the same time. It was actually pretty impressive. 

"Why don't you just ask her?" Perry didn't look up from her lap. 

Laura couldn't see what she was doing, but she was the queen of keeping herself entertained while they drove. Knitting, Sudoku, who knew what it was this time. Laura was a little jealous. Anytime she tried to read or do anything other than stare out the window she would get carsick.

"Right." Laura scoffed, "Cause she's been a real conversationalist so far."

Carmilla smirked slightly, turning her head towards the window more so Laura wouldn't see. So far, besides Laura calling her a jerk for flirting with her, Laura had been doing a pretty good job of being nothing but nice. Despite Carmilla's game of purposefully pushing her buttons. Carmilla had found her politeness rather amusing, but hearing Laura drop the forced nice act and speak her mind was just as entertaining. Carmilla briefly wondered if everything the small girl did would seem adorable. 

 _Wait._ Carmilla smirk fell to a frown. _Amusing._ _Not adorable. Amusing._  

"Plus, she hasn't said a word about the accident." Laura's hands tightened on the wheel at the memory of it. "I mean, come on. She could have died and she's just like, oh gosh nothing bothers me I'm just a badass and going to pretend like it didn't happen."

Laf and Perry shared a look, they didn't have time to reply, Laura continuing to rant.

"It's like, I get it." Laura glanced at Carmilla then back to the road, "You're hot and have a reputation to keep apparently, but would it kill you to be nice? Say thank you? Not be a raging b--"

Laf cleared their throat, cutting Laura off. They had glanced forward and saw Carmilla grinning in the reflection in the window and it donned on them that maybe Carmilla could hear their conversation.

Laura took the interruption as a request to tone down the anger, “— _bad person_."

"L, maybe we should just, give her the benefit of the doubt." They leaned forward, quieting their voice a little and changing their tone, hoping it would be enough to tip Laura off that Carmilla was most likely listening. "Maybe it just how she processes."

Laura's eyebrows pressed together, "She processes by not processing?"

"Maybe? Maybe she's an internal processor." They nodded slightly towards Carmilla, hoping Laura would notice and look at her too. 

"Maybe she should communicate that." Laura scoffed, not getting the hint at all. 

Carmilla found the whole thing more amusing by the minute. Laf was doing their best to subtly steer Laura to a different approach, no doubt because they realized she was listening, but Laura was clueless. 

"Communication _is_ key." Perry chimed in, only halfway paying attention it seemed. 

That's what did it. Carmilla chuckled, the fact that these three were all having the same conversation but three different versions of it was too much. Laura was pissed, Laf was trying to be helpful, and Perry was barely even paying attention.

Laura's eyes went wide at the sound and she looked over at Carmilla with a shocked expression, holding her stare a little too long. The car was slowly, (barely) drifting to the edge of the lane as she stared.

"Eyes on the road, cupcake." Carmilla turned to her with a smirk. 

Laura quickly looked back to the road, adjusting the wheel slightly and causing an abrupt swerve with the car and making everyone shift ungracefully. Laf sighed as they sank back into their seat. Perry just kept working on her current project without a word. 

Suffice it to say, the rest of the drive to their lunch destination was fairly silent and Laura didn't take her eyes off the road once. 

——

“Why didn't you just get your own fries?” Laf asked pulling their plate closer to them and further from Laura.

“Cause I didn't think I wanted any.” Laura quickly grabbed at the fries on Laf’s plate before they were out of her reach, “I changed my mind.” She smiled as she stuck them in her mouth.

Laf glared at her and pulled their plate even closer to them and guarded it by wrapping an arm protectively around it. “Eat your salad, fry thief.”

Even though Carmilla had actually sat with them this time, she was still keeping herself from participating with the pointless conversations that the three continually had. Fries weren't even the most ridiculous. 

At first she was waiting for her phone to charge while they drove. She kept it off while it charged, but had her headphones in her ears and eyes looking out the window, and when the conversation switched from their curiosity about _her_ and where she was going, to a debate on who would win in a fight; A bear or a giraffe— (not only that, but with the arena being a ice skating rink) she lost interest in her phone and continued to listen to the ever growing stupidity of conversations that were happening.

_Laf- “But have you seen a giraffe fight?!”_

_Laura- “But its a bear!”_

_Laf- “Their necks do that ‘swoosh whip’ thing!”_

_Laura- “BUT ITS A BEAR!”_

_Perry- “I think I’d like to see a tiger ice skate. I think it would be very graceful.”_

_Laura and Laf- “What?”_

Now as they all sat in a small diner for lunch, Carmilla was checking her phone for the first time since it had died earlier that morning.

She glanced up at the pair across from her as her phone turned on. Laf was still guarding their plate with their arm, eating a handful of fries at once while Perry used a knife to cut her burger. Carmilla rolled her eyes and looked over at the girl sitting next to her. Laura was sucking down as much chocolate shake as she could, only stopping when the cold became too much and her face scrunched up at the feeling of a brain freeze.

“According to the plans, we should get to our next stop just after 2:00.” Perry stuck her fork in her small piece of burger and happily stuck it in her mouth. 

“You still not going to tell us what exactly that stop is?” Carmilla asked as she ate one of her own fries.

"That would ruin the surprise." Perry seemed genuinely concerned the appeal would be lost if she even gave them a hint. 

"You know, red..." Carmilla shifted as she grabbed a fry from her own plate and took a bite, "I've never been a fan of surprises."

Somehow that didn't shock anyone at the table and all eyes fell back to Perry, waiting to see if she would actually share the plan. Carmilla’s tone hadn't been rude or angry, but there was an inflection in her words that made it sound almost persuasive. She was asking Perry to ruin the surprise without actually asking. 

It reminded Laura of the game of shotgun that had been happening and how skillfully Carmilla had been able to ignore the rules completely. She had a knack for manipulating situations to get what she wanted without people even realizing or being able to go against it. Briefly Laura wondered if that's how she always seemed to have people blushing in her presence. Somehow being alluring without actually doing anything or trying. Like it was just second nature, getting what she wanted

The fact that Laura had caught on made herself proud. Maybe that was the best way to get to know Carmilla, beat her at her own game. 

Ask her about herself without actually asking. How was she supposed to do that?

"I actually think you'll quite enjoy it." Perry responded thoughtfully.

"And why is that?" Carmilla raised an eyebrow briefly before looking down at her phone again. 

The list of notifications she had missed became her priority and she tuned out Perry before even hearing an answer to her question. She was going to have to stop with them regardless of if she actually wanted to, so it didn't really matter where it was they were stopping or if she found out now or when they got there. 

Carmilla ignored the less than happy response she had gotten from Ell, clearly things weren't ending on a happy note, but she didn't mind as long as they were ended. Which, by the string of expletives at the end of the text, it was pretty well clear that it was over.

A missed call from Will caught her attention though. No text reply about the bus station but a voicemail instead. 

Carmilla looked up to the group with her, when she saw them talking with each other and not paying her any attention, she hit the play button for the voicemail and held her phone to her ear.

_"Kitty, hey.."_

Wills voice was quiet, and his words came out rushed. 

_"Mothers here."_

Carmilla sighed, she should have known her mother wouldn't let her off that easily. She waited for the message to continue, watching as Laura reached forward to try and steal another fry but was deflected by Laf swatting at her hand. 

_"I promise I didn't say anything, she called me and you know I'm bad at lying to her and..."_

Carmilla absentmindedly pushed her plate towards Laura, twisting it slightly so the fries were closest to her. It wasn't until Laura looked over at her, completely shocked, that she realized what she had done. 

_"...next thing I know she shows up."_

It was too late to take the gesture back so Carmilla just rolled her eyes and started picking at the edge of the table as the message kept going. She's not sure why she offered up her plate, or why she was almost embarrassed for doing so, but Will’s hushed talking didn't give her time to think about it long.

_"She said she's here on business but I think she's expecting you to show up."_

Carmilla didn't know where to put her attention. On Will and his frantic yet whispered message, or on the confused look on Laura's face and the clear internal battle of whether or not to accept the fries offered to her. 

_"I don't know how long she's going to stay but you may want to stall your trip if you don't want to see her."_

Laura grabbed a fry slowly, like she was waiting for some kind of trap to unfold. Carmilla scoffed, not sure if it was from amusement of Laura's hesitancy or frustration from Wills message. She decided to blame it on both, not wanting to admit how closely she was watching Laura or how easily her mother had ruined her plans without much effort. 

Carmilla hung up and grabbed a fry herself and ate it, faster than Laura, which seemed to offer silent permission for Laura to eat her fry and go for more. 

"Everything ok?" Laura asked almost as hesitant as she had been to take a fry.

“Peachy.” Carmilla responded flatly.

Laura shared a look with Laf, who just shrugged. How were they supposed to know what to do or say when they  knew absolutely nothing about this girl? They knew that was the case before, they had a whole conversation about it not that long ago, but this was the moment they _felt_ it. They didn't know where this girl was going, where she was coming from, they didn't even know her last name. They had bypassed getting all that information without a thought because of how they had come to be travel companions.

She had been in a wreck, they had taken her to the clinic, dealt with doctors and police and suddenly she was stranded. They couldn't just leave her. Well, they _could_ have, but they wouldn’t. 

Had she been a hitchhiker or something else, they would have insisted on answers to their questions, but it had been almost a full day since their unplanned run in and they had no more information about her than when they started. They couldn't exactly abandon her now, but it was clear they needed to find out more about her.

“So. Carmilla.” Laura started a little hesitantly but was urged on by a nod from Laf, “We don’t really know much about you.”

Carmilla glanced over, an eyebrow raised, but stayed silent. She took another bite of her food and chewed lazily. So far she had managed to barely talk to the three, despite their obvious attempts at getting to know her, but she was stuck in a booth with them and they seemed more determined than they had been before.

Laura saw the dismissiveness in Carmilla’s eyes and knew she wasn't going to make this easy. But she was a professional. She found things out for a living— well, she would once she got hired. This was just practice, she just had to find her angle. 

Play her own game. Ask without asking.

Laura took another fry from Carmilla’s plate and shifted to face her slightly. _How do you ask without asking?_

“I mean, you don’t know much about us either.” Laura wasn't sure exactly how to make this work, but she had to say something. “We are headed to California.”

Carmilla stopped chewing, her eyes still on the plate in front of her. What she thought was going to be an interrogation had unexpectedly turned into sharing time for Laura.

Laura saw the pause and immediately knew it meant _something_. Maybe she was headed there too, or knew someone there. Either way, she felt like she was on the right track.

“We all went to college together.” Laura nodded around the table but kept her eyes on Carmilla just in case something else stuck out with her reactions. “We were going to go on a trip between semesters once but then stuff came up and then these two graduated and Danny left to…” Carmilla was losing interest, thats all that Laura was finding out by talking. She had to come up with something different. “Anyway, doesn't matter. But we decided to make my move there the trip we never took. So here we are.” She paused, disappointed Carmilla hadn't given anything else away. Maybe she needed to talk less about herself.  “Your bike was cool, before it got, you know.” She smashed her hands together and made a noise that resembled that of a crash.

“Laura.” Perry chastised, shocked at the disregard for tact with the situation.

Carmilla looked over at Laura at the mention of her motorcycle. Its like the girl never stopped talking and jumped from one topic to the next without a filter. One minute its, _oh hey I’m moving to California_. The next, _wasn't it funny when your bike got smashed?_

“I’ll be outside when you’re ready to go.” Carmilla scooted towards Laura, pushing her out of the seat. Once she was standing she reached back and grabbed what was left of her sandwich and took it with her as she walked outside.

Laura frowned, clearly failing at her attempt to get Carmilla to share anything about herself.

“That was a disaster.” Laf shook their head when Laura plopped back into the booth.

“You think?” Laura frowned, slumping forward and resting her arms on the table.

Laf mimicked the gesture Laura had made before and smashed their hands together and made the same crashing noise.

Laura rolled her eyes, mostly at herself. How did she think that was going to be helpful? Clearly she had no idea how to play Carmilla’s game. Maybe it was time to make up her own game.

——

“Are you sure you know where we are going?” Carmilla pulled her headphones out of her ears and turned around to look at Perry.

After lunch they were back on the road and as usual, Carmilla was silent and the other three sighed loudly before accepting it and moving on. For Laura, it was actually almost like Carmilla wasn't even there— except that she kept stealing the front seat from Lafontaine. Otherwise, she was silent, stared out the window and since whatever phone call she had taken at lunch, hadn't even added unwanted snarky comments to any of their conversation topics.

Despite not knowing much of anything about her, Laura could tell something had changed at lunch. And after overthinking it she figured it was either the phone call, or something she had said. Either way, something was off and Laura, of course, felt the need to try and fix it.

“Yep.” Perry nodded, “There should be a turn off in about another mile then it wont be long before we get there.”

Carmilla sighed loudly and turned back to look ahead of the car. Sure enough, even though it felt like they were in the middle of nowhere, the turnoff came and then they were driving down an old dirt road that honestly looked like it lead nowhere.

She wasn't sure why she felt impatient. With Wills message she was already trying to figure out what to do. Heading to Will with her mother waiting was a bad idea, but in a few hours she would be at the bus station and what else do you do at a bus station besides get on a bus? _Nothing._ Thats the point. So really, the later she got to the station, the longer she had to figure out how the hell she was going to get to Will and still avoid her mother.

“Woah.” Carmilla surprised herself with her reaction when they came around a corner and their destination came into view.

Laura looked over at her from the drivers seat before glancing into the rear view mirror at the other two. That was probably the most unguarded response to anything that they had seen from Carmilla yet.

“They call them the Mystery Sculptures.” Perry explained. Everyone was watching out the windows as they approached the open field covered in giant sculptures. "One just showed up one day, then another, and then more. No one has taken responsibility and more just seem to show up over time."

Laura's driving slowed as she leaned forward, peering over the wheel in front of her. She stopped in a flat dirt area just off the side of the road, assuming it was the right place to park.  It didn't look like this was an official stop by an means. Honestly, it was just a giant field, with random figures popping up in it. She wasn't sure how Perry even found out about it, but it looked awesome. 

They all climbed out of the car, eyes roaming the field, unsure where to start. The afternoon sun was warm but a breeze pushed through the tall grass of the field in front of them, swirling the golden lawn in front of them and cooling the air that settled in the open space. They all stood at the edge of the dirt and where the field began. 

"Ok this is cool." Laura smiled, looking over at the others. 

"Is that..?" Lafs jaw dropped and their eyes went wide. "That's a double helix! Made out of kitchen appliances!"

Carmilla watched them start to sprint through the tall grass towards the sculpture, Perry following excitedly behind them. When she glanced over at Laura, she was already watching her with a smile. 

"Come on." Laura smiled warmly, "Even you have to admit this is cool."

Laura waited a second but a reply didn't seem to be coming anytime soon. She had already decided on a new tactic for getting to know Carmilla, so without waiting any longer, she started walking into the field. Leaving Carmilla behind. 

So far Carmilla had received as much attention as seemed possible. And not just from her new travel companions. Laura wondered what would happen if suddenly, no one payed her any attention. So even though she really wanted to look back to see if Carmilla was following her, she forced herself to keep walking, eyes forward. 

Carmilla looked to her right where Laf and Perry had gone excitedly, then looked ahead of her where Laura was headed towards a pile of metal that looked like dragon, then to her left, open field with sculptures scattered throughout but no one to interrupt the silence that was settling around her. 

Her footsteps started to lead her left, to the empty space away from the others. But the further she got into the field, the more she found herself veering towards the direction Laura had gone. She told herself its because thats where the bulk of the sculptures were, but she knew it was something else entirely pulling her that way.

She kept her distance, always lingering at a nearby piece instead of the same one Laura would stop to look at. She wasn’t sure what was more interesting, the art or Laura. Or perhaps they all fell into the same category.

The sculptures were made of such diverse materials. The double Helix was made entirely of blenders and toasters. The dragon Laura had looked at first was made of twisted pieces of metal. There was a castle made completely from shovels and rakes. The combination of materials and what the end result was didn’t seem to have any correlation, but they always were impressive.

As they made their way around the large field, both girls knew the other was stealing glances when they could, trying not to be obvious. Laura was impressed with herself for pushing down the urge to ask a million questions and try to start conversation. Carmilla finally didn’t have her headphones in and seemed to be staying relatively close by choice, so maybe ignoring her was finally the right tactic.

That lasted about 10 minutes. 

Laura locked her eyes on the sculpture that sat between her and Carmilla. They were finally looking at the same one and it seemed the perfect time to say something. 

"Carm?" She froze at the nickname that had happened without purpose. She liked the way it sounded but was afraid it was too familiar and the other girl would shut down because of it. "Carm- Carmilla." She cleared her throat as she corrected herself. 

Carmilla had stilled at the name, not sure if she liked it or hated it. She didn't bother looking at Laura, though. After spending the first 10 minutes following Laura as closely as she could without actually being right next to her, she finally gave up and just crossed what small space was left between them until they were standing at the same sculpture. Even though she could tell Laura was trying not to look at her, she had caught her stealing glances as they walked through the field. The part that really bothered her, was the fact that she had been doing the same. She had found the attention and Lauras need to get to know her completely annoying and had immediately tried to shift the situation so it would leave Laura frustrated enough to stop trying. But the second Laura stopped trying, Carmilla actually missed it.

She realized how messed up that sounded, but it didn't change the fact that the further away Laura would walk, the closer Carmilla wanted to be. For someone who was so good and loved keeping control of the situation, she was suddenly out of her element and couldn't help it.

"I never said thank you." 

"What?" Carmilla's eyes fell to the other girl immediately. That was not what she was expecting to hear. 

"Well, for saving me." The point was to get Carmilla's attention and start a conversation. The fact that it was actually working made Laura a little nervous. 

Carmilla narrowed her eyes slightly, a little confused what she was talking about. "Is this a late response to the pool thing? Cause I took the elbow to the face and considered that the closest thing to a thank you I was going to get."

"What? No." Laura huffed, her cheeks warming in embarrassment. She had wanted to forget about that little encounter but Carmilla was right. She had acted crazy. But--that wasn't why she was saying thank you so she tried to just ignore it. "I meant- I mean for not letting me get ran over by the truck."

Carmilla smirked at Laura's flustered reaction but rose an eyebrow when she finally got out the words she was struggling with. She had no clue what Laura was talking about and it must have been clear by her expression because Laura continued. 

"Yesterday?" Laura felt like she shouldn't have to explain. It was kind of a big deal. "When you wrecked your motorcycle."

Instinctively Carmilla lifted a hand to rub the back of her head, a bump very much still present even if her headache had mostly gone away. "I uh- sure."

Laura wasn't convinced and gave her a questioning look. Carmilla just looked confused, and more uncomfortable than put off by the conversation. Not wanting to mess up the chance she was finally getting, Carmilla actually sticking around, Laura tried her best to act casual. She knocked her knuckles on the large metal sculpture in front of her, the sound reverberating much louder than she expected, causing her to recoil her hand quickly. When Carmilla's discomfort shifted to what seemed like amusement, Laura decided not to miss a beat.

"How's your shoulder?" Laura bit her lip and forced herself to keep her eyes on anything but Carmilla, afraid too much attention would make her back out of the conversation completely. 

"Hurts." For such a simple question, Laura did seem to be pretty consumed in thought. But just as before, Carmilla found herself more interested in the girl once again walking away from her more than the giant pieces of art surrounding them. 

Now that Laura had brought it up, it occurred to Carmilla that her memory of the day before was still pretty fuzzy. At the mention of her saving Laura, Carmilla had felt a surge of protectiveness. Almost as if she couldn't imagine not saving laura if the situation called for it and a 'thank you' wasn't even necessary. 

Usually her general attitude of apathy won out but in this case, curiosity got the best of her. "I actually-"

Laura spun around incredibly fast which threw Carmilla off and she stopped her footsteps abruptly and just started at her. She had been following more closely than she thought and their proximity to one another made her chest flutter in surprise. 

She wasn't sure why, but she couldn't help but notice the way the sun got caught in Laura's hair made it glow, much like the golden grass they were surrounded by. Light freckles were barely present on her slightly tanned skin and her eyes were the softest color of brown she could remember seeing. 

"You what?" It was Laura's turn to feel slightly nervous under such close attention. 

Remembering herself, Carmilla took in a breath and started to walk around Laura, trying to match the casualness Laura had been attempting earlier. "I was saying.." She drew out the words as if she was annoyed by the interruption. She wasn't. "I actually don't remember a whole lot. From yesterday."

Laura quickly started after her, letting her palms drag along the long grass they were wading through. She looked around, seeing Laf and Perry still off a ways away from them and quickened her pace to fall next to Carmilla. 

"You mean the accident?" Laura asked, avoiding the look she was receiving as she stepped up next to Carmilla. 

"Concussion is making the whole thing a little fuzzy."

"Right." Laura nodded slowly, "I could fill in the blanks, maybe?"

Carmilla just turned her head, fixing her hands in her pockets as they created their own path through the drying field next to one another. 

"Well you remember the first part, right?" Laura asked, returning her look. 

Of course.  _Fast car, hitting the road, dodging a truck, brown eyes…_  It didn't really make sense big picture wise though, and it was the details that were hazy.

"Asshole of a car, hitting the road.." _Brown eyes_ suddenly made sense as she looked at Laura. “That's- that's all really." She lied. Out of everything that happened, why had it been Laura's eyes that had stuck with her? Why could she remember them and not the chaos that had happened quickly around them.

"Oh, well." Laura looked away from Carmilla and steered towards another pile of objects clumped together, "After that you kind of got mad and threw your helmet. I think you were going to try to grab your bike but another truck was coming so you didn’t."

Carmilla sighed, it sounded about right. She could remember being more angry than anything else and throwing her helmet was exactly what she would have done.

“So I tried to get it for you.” Laura continued, her voice casual for recounting the pretty terrifying events of the day before.

“You what?” Carmilla asked with a scoff. Pieces of memory started filtering in her mind. Watching Laura tug on her motorcycle while a second truck approached quickly. Then it hit her, much like the panic that had filled her chest the day before. She remembered grabbing Laura and having to forcefully pull at her to get her out of harms way, falling backwards and slamming her head against hard pavement. The sounds of her bike being hit for the second time in minutes and the relief that flooded her body at the feeling of Laura’s weight heavily on top of her when she realized they were safe.

“Yeah, well, I tried.” Laura shrugged and stopped her footsteps. They had walked over to what looked like some sort of creature made from rusted shopping karts. Laura cocked her head as she looked at it. She had never really been into abstract art and as cool at this stuff seemed, it mostly just didn't make sense to her. “It was really heavy though, so I just grabbed your bag. Then you grabbed me. Then, well, your bike got smashed and we were on the ground.” She looked over at Carmilla to see if she was still paying attention, and she was. More so than she thought she would be. 

“I see.” Carmilla slowly started to walk around the piece that Laura had stopped at, creating a distance and putting the giant creature between them. “I was probably just trying to save my bag.”

Laura chuckled, not really buying it, “Yeah, Ok.” She smiled and watched Carmilla as she rounded the sculpture.

Carmilla couldn't help but smile slightly, ducking her head to try and hide it but pleased Laura hadn’t been bothered by her attempt to be aloof. It hadn't been about her bag at all, and despite what she was saying, she was glad Laura knew that.

“Then you mumbled some stuff that didn't really make sense and then poof, out like a light.” Laura smiled at the memory of Carmilla basically passing out in her arms. 

The moment before it happened they had been looking at each other and Carmilla’s expression was one that she could only describe as nearly mesmerized. Her words- _“I've never seen the stars this up close before.”—_ made it clear she had hit her head, and hard. It was still daylight and she was staring at Laura with a weird expression, clearly she was a little out of it.

“What did I say?” Carmilla asked, curious only because of the expression that had come over Laura’s face when she mentioned it.

Laura chuckled and looked up at Carmilla. When she saw the girls eyebrows crease together she held her hands up in front of her, “Nothing to be embarrassed about. It didn't really make sense, actually. You did hit your head pretty hard.”

Carmilla clenched her jaw slightly, not really sure where to go from here. At least she had all the pieces now. The bump on her head and the faint memory of weight on her chest made sense. Before she wasn't sure what was real or not, Laura in her arms, being in the middle of the road.. but now she knew.

“I guess I should say thank you too.” Carmilla’s voice sounded almost annoyed at the admittance. “I’m guessing it was you that got me to the clinic.”

Laura smiled wide like she was pleased with herself. That is, until Carmilla continued.

“Even if it wasn't really necessary.”

It was Laura’s turn to be annoyed. _And things were going so well_ , she thought. “Not really necessary?” She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Ok sure. You totally passed out after nearly getting _run over._ Excuse me for taking you to a doctor to make sure you weren't dying or anything. My bad.”

Carmilla felt herself start to smirk again, amused at how easy it was to annoy the other girl. “Relax, cupcake. I’m only messing with you.”

“Whatever.” Laura mumbled, realizing how easily Carmilla had gotten to her. It shouldn't surprise her by now. Something about that girl made it hard for her to keep her shit together. That battle from before, Kill her with kindness or just kill her— she realized it was going to be an ongoing thing. Maybe it was a good thing they would be parting ways later that afternoon. Then she would finally get her sanity back.

“Really, thought.” Carmilla tried her best to sound sincere no matter how much she hated having to say it, “Thanks. For that, and offering a ride, or whatever.”

_Well, thats the best she was going to be able to do._

“Sure.” Laura shrugged with a warm smile, choosing to focus on the words and not the tone.

The easiness at Laura’s acceptance of the whole thing intrigued Carmilla more and she couldn't help but ask, “Why did you, by the way?”

Laura looked confused for a second which only confused Carmilla further. Was she really that nice of a person that it was just the obvious things to do, help a stranger, no questions asked?

When Laura realized what Carmilla was asking, and that she was actually sincere in her question, Laura just shrugged, “Cause everyone deserves a little help.” She smiled to herself as she quirked her head slightly, “Even you.”

Her tone was playful and the comment had clearly meant to be in jest, but she was right in its meaning. As far as Laura knew, Carmilla was a flirt. She had done nothing but push her buttons, make smart ass remarks, ignore her almost completely, taken pleasure in making her uncomfortable or flustered and yet, Laura and the other two had continued to help her.

“Guys! Did you see the giant ice cream cone made out of ice cream scoops and waffle makers?!” Laf was jogging towards them excitedly with Perry not far behind.

Carmilla cleared her throat and masked her thoughtful expression with one that screamed boredom. Laf and Perry had impeccable timing— sometimes it was annoying, in this case, welcomed.

“uh, no.” Laura watched Carmilla compose herself before turning to Laf with a smile, “We were over here looking at the, uh—“ They hadn't actually payed much attention to _what_ they were standing by, clearly more interested in their first real conversation. “—I actually have no idea what it is.” Laura scrunched up her face and took a step back to get a better view.

“Yeah.” Laf sighed when they got next to Laura, mirroring her stance to look at the piece in front of them. “I don’t get art. Its weird.”

“I think thats the point.” Carmilla said flatly as she looked up at the pile of shopping karts. Ok yeah, it was weird.

“Are we ready to move on?” Perry asked, slightly out of breath as she slowed her jog. “Carmilla has been very patient with us, it seems fitting we get back on the road so she can continue her trip to her mysterious destination.”

Laura chuckled at Perry’s use of the word patient, but also felt a little disappointed that she was right. Carmilla would be leaving them soon, and just when they were actually starting to get on speaking terms. She spared a glance at Carmilla and could have sworn she looked slightly disappointed herself.

_It was probably just her default expression, though. Right along with annoyed or bored._

“You were right, red.” Carmilla shoved her hands in her pockets and started heading for the car. “Cool stop.”

The trio watched Carmilla walk away, all slightly shocked at her comment. Perry was absolutely proud of herself while Laf just shrugged. Having had almost no interaction with her besides the struggle to claim shotgun, they was just as surprised by the praise.

Laura, however, found herself smiling.

Carmilla was the first back to the car and opened the back door to grab her jacket. She pulled it out and slid her arms in, careful with her still very sore shoulder, until she realized the shoulder that just that morning had been ripped from the arm, was now fixed.

“Did you fix this?” She spun around as the other three approached the car. Her tone was accusatory even though thats not what she had intended. She shoudlntben annoyed at every nice thing they did for her, but it was continuously confusing her and making it hard to not like them.

Laf shrugged and shook their head, “I didn't touch it.”

Laura frowned and looked at the jacket and just shook her head. 

“I couldn't do much for the smaller rips along the back, but I was able to reattach the arm to the shoulder where the seam had ripped.” Perry smiled and clasped her hands in front of her. Clearly she had missed Carmilla’s tone or was simply choosing to ignore it.

Carmilla eyed her thoughtfully, having already said thank you once that day she hated that she felt like she should say it again. But she did. Begrudgingly. “Thanks.”

Perry just nodded happily then made her way to the car, climbing into the front seat.

Laf didn't say anything but made their way to the drivers seat, ready to take their turn behind the wheel.

Laura stepped up the the door Carmilla was near and pulled it open wider, gesturing with her arm for Carmilla to get it. “Shall we?”

With the overwhelming feeling that she wasn't quite the outsider she had previously thought, Carmilla found herself climbing in the car and scooting to the other side so Laura could follow. She tugged on the sleeve and felt the fabric tug against her shoulder, no longer moving free from the tear in the seam. Her eyes moved slowly to Laura who was watching her with a smile, which after a second, she returned.

Laura sank back into the seat and fastened her seatbelt, her smile wider since receiving one, however hesitant, in return from Carmilla. Things made more sense now. Carmilla’s actions as well as attitude about the whole situation they all found themselves in.  She had seemed genuine confused and surprised at receiving any kind of help freely, Laura couldn't help but wonder what had happened to make her so resistant to help. She laughed as Lafontaine started the next round of, _‘who would win in a fight?’_ , and glanced at the girl sharing the back seat with her. She hadn't put her head phones in, and there was still a slight smile on her lips as she gave another tug to the sleeve of her jacket.

Maybe instead of trying to get to know Carmilla, she should have let her get to know them. The more they shared of themselves, the more Carmilla seemed to pay attention and soften.

Too bad she was about to get on a bus.

——

“Would you rather…” Laf drew out the question, trying to come up with a new one. “Change your last name to Hitler, or never eat chocolate again.”

“Hi.” Carmilla deadpanned without a second thought, “I’m Carmilla Hitler.”

Lafontaine busted up laughing and rested their arm on the door, opening up their hand to let the sun hit their skin. They had been stopped for at least 20 minutes now, in a long line of cars that stretched along the highway. The car was off, windows down, and they had started playing the game about five minutes after they stopped.

Laura smiled at the uncharacteristic playfulness Carmilla had suddenly decided to share. Even though it as full of sarcasm, the fact that she was actually playing along was huge. Plus, even in the short time they had known each other, Laura had already guessed Carmilla would take just about anything over never eating chocolate again.

“Oh, oh!” Perry bounced in her seat and twisted to face everyone, “I have one.”

All eyes were on her as other honk sounded out from one of the other cars in the long line of stopped traffic.

“Would you rather go into the past, or the future?”

“oh, thats a good one.” Laura smiled and brought her hand up to her chin like it would help her think.

Carmilla watched her from the other side of the car. She wasn't sure which she enjoyed more. The scrunched up face Laura made when she was angry, or how serious her expression got when thinking about ridiculous things in these road trip games the trio loved playing. Who takes these things so seriously? _Laura does_.

“Past.” Laura finally answered with a confident nod.

“Really?” Carmilla arched an eyebrow and shifted her body to face Laura, throwing a bent leg up on the seat between them. “Why?”

“Thats not how the game works.” Laf twisted in their seat, “It doesn't have to make sense enough to explain, its just one or the other.”

“You really like your rules, don’t you?” Carmilla’s words were a response to Laf but her eyes stayed on Laura. She was making the face like she was thinking again and Carmilla hoped she’d answer anyway, despite Laf’s ideas of how the game was supposed to be played.

Laura felt herself blush when she realized how closely Carmilla was watching her. She shouldn't have, it was a reasonable question to ask _‘why’_ , but it felt more personal than a silly game they were playing. “What about you, Carm? Carmilla?” Laura corrected herself again, not sure why she had the urge to call her that then immediately feel nervous about it.

Carmilla waited a second, tilting her head slightly but never letting her gaze waver. “Past.”

Laura felt herself smile, unable to look away, even with the sense that Carmilla had no intention of looking away either. 

A honk from directly behind them startled everyone in the car to jump and Carmilla turned quickly to look out the back window at the driver behind them.

“How is that helping?!” Carmilla yelled towards the window before muttering under her breath, “Fucking moron.”

“Ok, ok.” Laf interrupted, trying to bring the energy back around to a good one. It was honestly a miracle they had been sitting still for so long and none had pissed anyone else off so far. “Would you rather, find true love or have unlimited money until you die?”

“Psht, love.” Laura answered quickly. She looked to Carmilla to see what her answer would be and was surprised to see a scowl.

“I’m going to go see if I can figure out whats going on.” Carmilla shifted and opened the door and climbed out quickly, shutting the door hard behind her. Hands in her jacket pockets, she took heavy steps towards the front of the car, not stopping as she approached the vehicle sitting in front of them.

The game had been fun. Maybe not _fun_ , but it had filled time, and even with stupid questions it had illuminated some things about her travel companions. Laf always gave the most practical answer. Somehow making it seem like a math equation or a scientific formula that offered the best response. They were creative and a little weird, but definitely were more brain than anything else. Perry was matter of fact yet somewhat worrisome. Always choosing the option that was least painful or even asking how it would make the others feel. Definitely the mother of the group, liked things done a certain way and honestly, Carmilla felt like it was only a matter of time before her reserved behavior bubbled over and exploded unexpectedly. No doubt over something ridiculous, just snapping the last straw. Carmilla figured it would probably be more entertaining than frightening, though.

Then there was Laura. Ever the idealist. She was a dreamer at best, delusional at worst. Her answers always seem driven by the idea of something close to a fairytale. Granted, most questions were ridiculous and strange, but her answers seemed to follow a pattern. Things were black and white. There was a right answer and a wrong answer. Even when the questions hadn't meant to be divided as such, somehow with Laura, they were. How does one live in such a word with unrealistic ideas of life that seem so far fetched and unattainable, yet have a complete faith in their surety? 

It was infuriating. 

The last question proved it. True love wasn't as simple as that. Love never came without hurt, and somehow, Carmilla knew Laura didn't see it that way. 

Even if it was just a stupid game, Carmilla knew better. Even the most innocent and shallow forms of love left you with scars. True love. Now that would probably leave you with a pain so unbearable it wouldn't be worth the trouble.

Infuriating, naive, unrealistic, and somehow… _endearing_. Maybe it was better she wasn't as ruined and cynical as Carmilla had become. 

“Wait up!” 

Heavy steps echoed in a jog behind Carmilla as she walked down the center of the road and she couldn't help but huff out a heavy sigh.

“Weren't you driving?” Carmilla called out loud enough to be heard but didn't bother turning around.

“We haven't moved for 30 minutes.” Laf breathed out, clearly out of breath from chasing after Carmilla. “I think the car will be fine without a driver for a minute.”

Carmilla picked up her pace, ignoring the questioning looks from people sitting in cars, waiting in the same stalled line of traffic. It was clear by the sounds of music escaping open windows and the low hum of engines accompanied by bickering or uncomfortable silence that the cars ahead of them had been waiting much longer and were growing impatient.

“Where are we going?” Laf asked, hurrying their steps to keep up with Carmilla.

“I have a bus to catch.” Carmilla quipped, “And sitting in traffic isn't helping. So I’m going to see what is going on so we can get on with this road trip from hell.”

“Woah.” Laf shoved Carmilla’s shoulder gently, “Road trip from hell? It hasn't been _that_ bad.”

Carmilla just glared for a second before rolling her eyes and going back to the task at hand. The line of cars was longer than she expected and honestly, she didn't want to walk all the way to the front. The next car they were approaching had a arm sticking out the drivers window and Carmilla peered through it before stepping up to it.

“Hey.” She nodded at the driver once he looked her way. 

He was an older man, unkept beard and a toothpick sticking out of his mouth, bouncing up and down as he chewed on it. “Well hello there.” He looked her up and down as he reached for his toothpick, smiling around it as he rolled it between his teeth.

Carmilla groaned internally, noticing Laf had stopped but was keeping their distance. She should have picked a different car. “Any idea whats going on?”

“No, but we can wait together if you'd like.”

“Gross.” Carmilla deadpanned, earning a wounded look from the man before she started walking again, Laf following quickly.

“Well I’m glad you’re kind of an ass with everyone.” Laf chuckled, even more so when they noticed Carmilla’s questioning look. “I mean, come on. You haven't exactly been all hugs and sunshine since we picked you up.”

“Fair.” Carmilla responded, “But I didn't ask you guys—“

“Oh no.” Laf interrupted, fully aware of what she was going to say, “That was all Laura.”

“You say that like it happens a lot.” Carmilla glanced over curiously. She hadn't exactly bothered to ask why they had agreed to give her a ride. It hadn't seemed to matter at the time. She was getting to where she needed to, the less talking the better. At least, thats how it had started.

“Well, she wouldn't be Laura if she wasn't trying to right the wrongs of the world.” Laf kicked a rock then followed after it to kick it again, “She likes to take in strays.”

“Strays?” Carmilla paused, turning fully to look at Laf. _Was she supposed to be one of these so called strays?_

“Don’t get me wrong, usually its no big deal and Laura likes helping people so we go along with it, but I honestly don’t know what her deal with you is.” Once Laf started talking its like they didn't know how to stop. They kept walking, chasing after the rock, kick after kick. “Especially when it ended up in the hospital. Laura never does hospitals. Even this one time when Danny nearly broke her nose.” Laf snorted and hit their hand to their leg, “Man, it was bad. Danny tried to play it off like it was nothing but there was blood everywhere and Laura was totally fine until they were walking into the hospital then she nearly fainted.”

Carmilla wasn't sure what this story had to do with anything, but it added to the surprise she had felt seeing Laura there in the first place. Now, knowing she didn't even like hospitals made it even more surprising.

“Anyway..” Laf shrugged and stepped awkwardly trying to kick the rock again, “She said you needed a ride and that she wouldn't get in the car until we agreed to give it to you. And here we are.”

Carmilla just kept walking, glancing into cars as they went. Kids in back seats, solo travelers, cars full of more stuff than people, all kinds.

“All I was saying, is that I thought you didn't like us.”

Carmilla turned to look at them with that. I guess they weren't wrong, she hadn't been great. That realization of that had been slowly dawning on her over the last few hours.

“I’m just glad its just your personality and not us.” Laf noticed Carmilla’s eyebrows furrow and realized how that must have sounded, “No, not like that. Just like, you're sarcastic and guarded as a default. Not because you don’t like us.”

“Right.” Carmilla said slowly, still not sure how to take it but figuring they had a point. And when she really thought about it, she realized she didn't _not_ like them. Even with her less than friendly attitude towards them, they had all been fairly kind to her. More than she probably deserved. “Hold up.”

Someone was approaching them, walking down the center of the road just as they were. It seemed just as Carmilla had noticed the man walking down the road, so did the driver in the car just ahead of them. He climbed out and leaned lazily over the open door.

“Find anything out?” The driver shouted to the man that was now jogging towards the car.

Carmilla figured he had the same idea she did and had ran ahead to find out what the hold up was. Which was great for her, because if she just listened in on their conversation, she could cut this walk and bonding session short.

“Yeah.” The other guy approaching slowed his jog as he got to the car, putting his hand on the hood and leaning on it slightly. “Major crash about a mile up.”

Carmilla and Laf took a few steps towards the pair talking, as soon as they were noticed the guy that had ran ahead started talking like he was telling them all what had happened.

“A couple big rigs, one with biohazard signs all over it.” He nodded towards Carmilla before continuing. “It’s a mess. People in those weird suits and cones everywhere.”

"Oh cool!" Laf beamed and started moving down the road again excitedly. 

"Don't even think about it, brain." Carmilla reached out and grabbed the back of Lafs shirt, pulling them back. "They give you a time frame for getting it cleaned up?" Carmilla invited herself into the conversation that was happening between the other two. 

The previous runner gave her a shrug, "They wouldn't tell me anything except they plan to have it cleaned up by early morning."

Carmilla just nodded, more than one thought running through her head.  
First- there was no way she was catching a bus that day. Which, after Wills phone call, wasn't the worst thing in the world. This actually gave her one more day to figure out a new plan and a way to postpone running into her mother. 

Second- if they didn't want to sleep in the car, they should probably turn around and head back to the last town and find a place to stay before everyone else got the same idea. Over a mile worth of cars waiting to get by the accident meant a whole lot of people that would eventually need a place to sleep. 

Third- she was actually happy about the idea of spending more time with Laura.

She wasn't sure what to do about the third thought, so she decided to focus on the first two.

"Let's go check it out!" Laf was ready to take off down the road again but stopped when Carmilla shook her head and took a couple backwards steps. 

“We need to get back to the car." Carmilla gave Laf a look before turning to the pair standing at their car, "Thanks." 

With that she turned and started walking back to where Laura and Perry were still waiting in the car, noticing the line of cars down the road had grown since they had left. 

"What's the rush? Those guys said things wouldn't move till morning. We should go see what's going on." Laf was chasing after Carmilla, slightly reluctantly, clearly they would rather go check out the wreck. 

"We need to figure out a plan before we run out of options." 

—

"Well this does not fit into our schedule." Perry shook her head in frustration. "Not. At. All."

"Well unless you're going to go help them clean up whatever hazardous material is spilled all over the highway, you may want to adjust your plans.” Carmilla had taken up her spot in the back seat again, only after Laf promised to drive back towards the last town instead of towards the wreck. 

“I, for one, think that's an excellent plan." Laf quickly looked at Perry, "The helping them clean up part. I mean, I enjoy hazardous material and you enjoy cleaning. Sounds like the perfect afternoon activity. Right Perr?"

"While I appreciate your enthusiasm and thoughtfulness, I'm not sure this particular situation is a good idea." Perry looked apologetic as soon as Laf started to pout. "Besides, Carmilla needs to catch a bus."

"I can catch one tomorrow," Carmilla fought the urge to roll her eyes. They sure did like to plan, and the tiniest unplanned detour seemed to leave them a complete mess. "California isn't going anywhere."

“Wait—“ Laura finally spoke up, "California? Like the same California where we are going?"

"No, the other one." Carmilla replied sarcastically before she could stop herself.

"Wait!" Laf swerved as they spun around to look at Carmilla, "Why are you even catching a bus when we are going the same place?"

"Sweetie!" Perry lunged to correct the wheel, giving Laf a stern look. "Did you forget we aren't going straight there. She probably doesn't want to spend two weeks with strangers."

"Would you?" Laura asked quietly, still stuck on the fact that Carmilla was going the same place and hadn't said anything. She didn't realize she basically was asking Carmilla if she wanted to join their cross country trip. 

"Would I what?" Carmilla wasn't sure how to respond. She wasn't even sure what had just happened in the last 30 seconds. "Join the three amigos on their ' _weirdest pit stops across America_ ' tour?"

"Right." Laura forced out a laugh, "Of course not. Let's um, let's just get a place for the night and figure out the plan later." She tried to sound decisive, but her her eyes betrayed her. 

Carmilla was surprised at how let down Laura had seemed at the situation. Did she really want her tagging along for the next two weeks with them? It seemed crazy, but at the same time, not. 

Had the offer been made that morning, Carmilla would have laughed at the idea. Now, it actually didn't seem like the worst thing possible. It's not like she was in a hurry to get to anyone or anything. She didn't have a plan in the slightest and it _would_ postpone her arrival long enough that her mother would be long gone by the time they landed on the west coast. And as much as she hated it, the trio had been growing on her. 

But the offer had been retracted as quickly as it had been made and the choice didn't seem to be on the table anymore. So Carmilla sank back into the seat as Laf made their way back to town and a noticeable awkwardness settled throughout the car. Everyone seemed stuck in their own thoughts as the silence filled the air, just the sounds of the engine and warm wind blowing through the open windows remaining. Thankfully the town hadn't been too far away and they were all climbing out of the car and making themselves busy before it became unbearable. 

Laf and Laura went to get a room at their chosen motel, Carmilla made herself comfortable on the back of the car and Perry was already looking at the map and their list of destinations. Trying to come up with a plan to make up for the time they were losing. 

"Carmilla." Perry spoke carefully, raising her eyebrows but not looking away from the map.

Carmilla had been leaning back against the back window, one arm behind her head and eyes closed. She slowly opened her eyes and turned her head towards the ginger sharing the trunk with her. 

"I hope you don't feel like I wouldn't like for you to join us."

Carmilla raised an eyebrow, curious now about what Perry was going to say. 

"I was merely trying to offer a sense of…" She paused, searching for the right word. "Caution."

 _Interesting._ Carmilla sat up but stayed silent, noticing Perry's slight nervousness. 

"Lafontaine can get ahead of themselves sometimes and Laura—" another thoughtful pause. "Well, Laura means well but-"

"You don't trust me." Carmilla was amused. Out of everyone, Perry had been the most level headed while remaining kind in their unusual situation. Carmilla now realized she had been paying closer attention than she had let on, and apparently had her apprehensions when it came to Carmilla. 

"Oh no. It's not that." Perry shook her head, finally looking up at Carmilla. "I mean you have to see, for all of us it would be..."

"What?" Curiosity winning out over insulted. 

"A leap of faith." Perry finally putting some confidence behind her words. "For all of us. We know nearly nothing about each other and two weeks is a long time to spend with someone. It could be a disaster."

Carmilla laughed, Perry was absolutely right. "Or it could be the most entertaining two weeks of all our lives." 

She wasn't exactly trying to convince Perry it would be a good idea, but she couldn't help but feel at ease with the idea of them traveling together. Of course it could end up being a disaster. They could want to kill each other after another day, or it could go fine. There was really no way of telling.  Already the day they had spent together had gone differently than Carmilla imagined it. 

She was sure she would stay in the car, earphones in and music playing until she could board a bus. Instead, she had listened in on games of 'who would win in a fight' and actually played along with 'would you rather'. She had enjoyed the time walking through the field of sculptures, keeping easy conversation with Laura. The game of refusing to play by shotgun rules was more fun than she expected and she was walking a dangerous line between finding Laura amusing, and finding her adorable, with a desire to spend more time around her. 

——

"It would be crazy, right?" Laura followed Laf towards the office to rent a room for the night. "I mean, come on." She snorted, not giving Laf a chance to respond. "She wouldn't want to anyway. Plus, she’s like, rude. Right?"

Laf looked over at Laura with an amused expression. "Rude?"

"Yeah." Laura huffed, "I mean, I can understand why though. Kind of."

"Can you?" Laf smirked before walking to the desk and asking for a room.

Laura leaned against the counter, ignoring the clerk, "Well yeah. She did crash her bike. Right? I guess I would be mad too. But this afternoon she's been nice.” She paused, scrunching up her nose. “Well, _nicer_.”

Lafontaine just shook their head as they signed their room receipt and took the key from the clerk. “So what? You want to re-invite her on our trip?”

“Well I mean, it could save us money.” Laura shrugged and followed Laf back outside. She had been giving this whole thing a lot more thought than she wanted to admit and realized quickly she couldn't just say it was because she was curious about Carmilla. She had to come up with an actual reason it would be a good idea. Knowing Laf and Perry, it would have to makes sense.

“How do you figure?” 

“It will make it 4 people to split gas with instead of 3.” Laura wasn't sure why she was trying to convince Laf. It was Carmilla that had seemed put off by the idea, not Laf.

“True.” Laf added, “Plus cost of hotel.”

“See?” Laura smiled. "It would be.. beneficial. Money wise."

“Uh huh.” Laf gave her a lopsided grin.

“What?” Laura asked, glancing at at the pair talking at the car. Perry looked slightly flustered while Carmilla had her usual smirk in place, which for some reason seemed less annoying when it wasn't at Laura's expense. 

“Oh nothing.” Laf’s grin grew, “Crushes on strangers.”

“What?” Laura scoffed, lowering her voice as they got closer to Perry and Carmilla, “No, I’m not.. whatever.” She didn't have time to defend herself as they got to the car.

“Well we have a room.” Laf held up the key, jingling it in their hand. “Should we find a place for dinner?”

“That sounds perfect.” Perry started folding the map, seeming to be relieved the other two had returned, “Then we can discuss the changes in our itinerary.”

Carmilla looked at Laura and raised an eyebrow. She was being weirder than usual, her cheeks flushed and her expression one that Carmilla wasn't sure of. Confused, worried, something. Either way, there wasn't much else to do but wait till night fell, then morning, then she would be leaving them whether she wanted to or not.

Even if she wasn't sure which it was.

—

She tried. _Honestly._ But since Laf suggested Carmilla join them on their trek to California, Laura couldn't think about much else. Her goal for the day was to make progress on getting to know Carmilla before she left them and most likely they never saw each other again. And it had actually slowly been happening. The idea of having two whole weeks to figure out the mystery of this girl was both exciting and nerve racking. 

Carmilla made her nervous. That was obvious by the way she struggled not to blush or stammer anytime they spoke. The reason why, wasn't so obvious. Sure she was attractive, but she was also annoying and rude and frustrating. Then there was the fact that Laura had a habit of over thinking everything, which never used to be a problem. She used to be a champion at speaking before thinking. Now it was difficult to do either. 

She knew it sounded crazy. Especially when you considered how things had begun and the fact that they were all just barely starting to have actual conversations after spending an entire day together. But from the moment Carmilla had passed out in her lap in the middle of the highway, Laura felt something had brought them together. It seemed unlikely for them to constantly be in each others path for it to be mere coincidence.

They had been pushed together so many times in the last few days, how could them going the same place not be fate?

“Just think about it Perry.” Laura whispered, her eyes on the bathroom door.

They had walked around until they found somewhere to eat. With the road shut down and nowhere to go till morning, they took their time eating and walking down main street. It was a good sized town and they spent some time checking out some of the stores along the street before getting back to their motel after dark.

“If it turns out to be a bad idea, there are more bus stations along the way.” Laura added, shifting on the bed. “More people to share the cost with, an extra driver to trade off—“

“What about the ranch?” Perry asked in a hushed tone.

“What _about_ the ranch?” Laf asked, “Thats a couple days of free food and lodging and you know Gran wouldn't mind one more person.”

“And Danny?” Perry gave them both a questioning look.

Laura sighed, honestly she had forgotten about Danny with all that had happened. “She’ll be fine.”

That _might_ be true. Before all this, Danny was actually what Laura was looking forward to the most on this trip. After spending their time at Silas in a never ending game of bad timing and cluelessness when it came to liking one another, it took Laura graduating for Danny to admit she was interested. Laura of course had been mostly oblivious, and excited at the chance to actually give it a shot.  So when it turned out Danny's internship ended right about the time they would be passing through a city near her, Laura had jumped at the chance to invite her to join the remainder of their trip. The details were slightly complicated already, seeing as how they would be stopping at Laura's grandparents ranch for a couple days to celebrate their anniversary, but this was Danny. She would make it work.

But now Carmilla was part of the equation, and Laura wasn't sure why it felt like it complicated things more than just having an extra person with them. There was something else that was making her feel nervous about it, but she didn't know what that was.

Perry took a deep breath, glancing towards the bathroom before looking to her hands in her lap. “It would be nice to have someone else that could drive. Just thinking of Laf driving more than necessary  makes me carsick.”

Laf chuckled, “Was that a joke?”

Perry just smiled, leaning over to bump her shoulder with Laf’s. “I think that its up to Carmilla.”

“Whats up to Carmilla?” Carmilla stepped out of the bathroom, leaning on the door frame.

“Oh, well, um..” Laura looked at the other two for help but their expressions made it clear whatever happened next was up to Laura. “We were just talking about it and we'll, if you'd like to, you know, join us you could." Laura shrugged, trying not to show how much she actually hoped Carmilla would accept the offer. 

Part of it was from her original desire to figure the girl out, the other part... She wasn't sure what was driving it. 

"You're serious?" Carmilla asked, not moving from her place against the door frame. 

All eyes were on her expectantly. They _were_ serious. Carmilla was actually speechless. So far since meeting them, Laura had stuck around for hours in a hospital, which come to find out, she has a pretty big distaste for. Perry had fixed her jacket without a second thought. Laf had treated them like any other person despite the constant sarcasm and mind games Carmilla had played. And none of them had asked for anything in return. In fact, they continued to show her kindness and offer her help like it was normal. 

There had to be something she was missing. Some kind of angle. No one was this generous for nothing in return. 

Perry must have seen the apprehension on Carmilla's face because she was on her feet quickly and pulling the blankets on the bed back. "Why don't we all sleep on it. Decide in the morning. Hmm?"

Laf had no choice but to stand as Perry nearly pushed them off the bed as she adjusted the blankets and climbed in. They took a second to look at everyone in the room before blowing out a breath quietly and shaking their head, making their way to their side of the bed. 

A lot of details had gone without thought with this whole situation. For example, a bus ticket would probably cost less than partial hotel and gas costs for two weeks. California was a big state and they could still be going in completely different directions. And currently the most important.. What it would mean for sleeping arrangements if Carmilla stuck around.

Laura looked nervous and Carmilla seemed completely conflicted. It seemed they were the only two aware of their sudden predicament. Laura awkwardly pulled back the blankets and situated herself as close to the edge of the mattress as she could without falling off. She tried to act as normal as possible despite her heart plummeting into her stomach. She had no clue why she was so nervous. They would only be sleeping for heavens sake. And it wasn't the first time she had shared a bed with a beautiful girl. 

She probably shouldn't have thought about the beautiful part, nearly dropping her journal as her hands fumbled nervously.

Carmilla took a couple tentative steps towards the bed Laura was now getting comfortable in, knowing full well this wasn't ideal. She knew Laura wouldn't be the worst person to share a bed with in theory, but Carmilla didn't do sleepovers. Not after sex and especially not without it. 

During sleep there was little control. Sleep did funny things. It made you soft, trusting, honest, defenseless. All things Carmilla wasn't enthusiastic about. 

Not sure how long she had been standing at the foot of the bed, Laura's expectant look brought her back to reality and she found herself slightly glaring without meaning to. 

"I'll be back." She turned, hand quickly on the doorknob before stopping abruptly. She kept herself facing the door as she spoke, "don't wait up."

Then she was quickly out the door and shutting it behind her. Even if sharing a bed wasn't a problem, it was much too early for her to fall asleep anyway. Leaving for a bit was actually being courteous for the others.

At least that's what she told herself, even when she felt the unexplainable pull, telling her to go back, pulse through her body the further away from the room that she walked. 

—

_Day 3_

 

_I've decided to turn my frustration and deep dislike into something productive. This project may actually become a long term thing._

_Which is good because then i’ll have more time to figure this girl out._

_thats it._

_no other reason to be excited._

 

God, she was even awkward when she was talking to herself.

 

 

 

 


	6. Getting to know you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the notes guys.. honestly, I've considered just letting this story die more than once, then i get a comment or note and it gives me the motivation to keep writing. so thanks :)

A light rapping on the window is what woke her up. The blinding light of the sun already in the sky made her shift, quickly alerting her to the stiffness that had worsened in her body overnight. If she thought she was sore the day before from the accident, she had no idea the next day would be worse. Maybe sleeping in the car hadn't been the best idea, after all.

“Uh, Carm?” Laura’s voice was muffled as she peered through the dirty glass of the car window.

Slowly Carmilla pushed herself up into a sitting position, the toe of her boot momentarily getting stuck on the steering wheel. She wasn't sure if she had meant to be in the position she had woken up in, or if she had gradually shifted in her sleep. Either way, her legs were pushed far into the front seat, one arm behind her head and the other clutching a yellow pillow to her chest. It wasn't comfortable.

The sound of Laura chuckling is what finally convinced Carmilla to open her eyes wide enough to actually see. An amused grin was on her face as she watched Carmilla struggle to sit upright and Carmilla’s response, no matter how out of character, was to pout.

“What is it?” More embarrassed than angry, Carmilla tried to open the door, the handle popping out of her hand once before she finally got the door open.

“We’re uh, getting ready to go.” Laura stepped back so Carmilla could climb out of the car. She was still smiling, clearly amused at the confusion and pout covering Carmilla’s face. “You never came back last night so I thought I’d check out here.”

“Right.” Carmilla blinked a few times, standing up straight and pulling in a deep breath, feeling her ribs expand angrily. “I just need a few minutes.”

“Ok.” Laura nodded before slowly turning around and heading back to the room, checking over her shoulder once to see if Carmilla was following.

Laura led the way, Carmilla following behind slowly. The worst of it was through her ribs and shoulders. The odd angle she had slept in had only aggravated the already sore muscles and all she could think about was taking a hot shower to loosen up. That and going back to sleep.

“Oh good!” Perry was wide awake and already making the bed. “You found her! Oh, and the keys! How wonderful.” She looked absolutely gleeful when Carmilla walked in with the car keys in hand.

“I think maybe you should hold off on the cheerfulness until she wakes up all the way.” Laf chuckled as Carmilla just stood in the doorway, a half hearted glare on her face.

Carmilla just sighed loudly as she took heavy steps towards the bathroom, dragging her duffle bag behind her. “Of course you’re all morning people.”

Laura couldn't help but smile, she honestly thought Carmilla had disappeared in the middle of the night. The fact that she was still here and actually quite adorable as she tried to wake up was too much for her to keep a straight face. It didn't matter that they still hadn't figured out a game plan, or heard Carmilla’s decision to join them or not, somehow Laura didn't feel like she needed to worry about it.

A few minutes quickly turned into 20. Then 30. Laura was sitting on the bed in the room, fidgeting with her fingers while she waited. Laf and Perry had gone to grab some breakfast sandwiches to go, not wanting to waste time or run into traffic from everyone else that had been required to wait for the road to clear. They would most likely be back any minute and if the sound of the shower still running in the bathroom was any indication, Carmilla was lacking the sense of urgency that the rest of them were feeling.

“Carm?” Laura called out, bringing her thumb up to her mouth to chew on her nail. What exactly was the protocol here? How do you hurry someone without being annoying just in case thats what makes them decide not to join in on your cross country road trip? Had she decided she _wanted_ Carmilla to join them for sure? Or was that a bad idea? Yeah, it was too early to be thinking this much. “You almost done in there?”

Carmilla must have gotten the point because the water turned off and the sound of the shower curtain sliding across the bar came through the door.

Another 5 minutes went by with only the faint sounds of normal bathroom behavior. Water turning on and off, shuffling of clothing, the sounds of Carmilla brushing her teeth, and more than one dramatic sigh.

Then there was silence. 

Laura had tried to busy herself while Carmilla got ready, but there wasn't much she could do. She had already packed her bag, remade her bed, flipped through channels on the old square tv sitting on the dresser. She was bored. And nervous. And with Laura, that wasn't a good combination.

“Carm?” Laura knocked on the door gently before she realized she had even crossed the room.

“ _Son of a— shit—_ “

Something hit the floor followed by Carmilla’s string of mumbled expletives, then a clanking in the sink.

Without thinking, Laura checked the door and found it unlocked. A second later the door was open and Laura was standing in the doorway, frozen and eyes wide.

“Sorry! I didn't meant to— Oh my god, I’m an idiot.” Laura quickly covered her face with her hands as her face heated up and surely turned a deep shade of red.

—

As more steam filled the bathroom, breathing began to get easier. The hot water was already easing the aching Carmilla had woken up with. Even if the pressure behind it was seriously lacking. It was a shitty motel though, so she should have expected it. 

Turning her back towards the steady stream of water reminded her why exactly she was sore. Slowly she peeled off the bandage that was now soggy against her shoulder and tossed it into the sink before stepping back under the water. Her skin was still red with irritation, raw and tight, pulling with every movement of her arm.

The pain of moving was annoying enough that she just stood there until the water started to run cold. She had lost track of time but apparently Laura hadn’t. A hesitant voice muffled by water reminded Carmilla she had people waiting on her. Her exit from the shower probably would have been more reluctant had the water still been warm, but since it was cold and she had somewhere to be, she climbed out, dropping a towel on the floor to step on.

It took more effort to get dressed than she wanted and she settled for getting her underwear, pants and bra on before taking a break. The doctor had given her extra bandages for her shoulder and she figured it was probably still a good idea to use them until it actually started to heal.

Carmilla glanced at her reflection as she turned on the cold water. She let it run for a second before grabbing her toothbrush and toothpaste and wetting the brush. She actually considered herself lucky that it was her left shoulder that had taken a beating and not her right. If it had been the tiniest bit of a struggle just to brush her teeth, she probably would have wanted to kill someone. It was already beyond annoying and she didn't even need her left shoulder for much.

With a sigh Carmilla grabbed one of the bandages and set it on the sink as she turned to look at her shoulder in the mirror. It didn't look too bad, but still bad enough to make her sigh again.

She was just about to get the bandage situated when she heard Laura, right next to the door, and a knock startled her and made turn quickly towards the door. She stepped back and knocked into her bag that had been sitting on the toilet, it fell with a heavy thump before she turned once more, hitting the her phone off the edge of the sink and into the wet basin.

“Son of a— shit— “ Carmilla had reached for her bag then stopped to grab her phone before realizing the bandage was still hanging only halfway on her shoulder, now twisted and probably useless.

Before she had the chance to decide which action to actually take, the bathroom door was opening and Laura was standing there staring at her while she just looked at her blankly. Her bag and its contents spilled out on the floor, her hand reaching for the half placed bandage and all while she was only wearing pants and her bra.

“Sorry! I didn't meant to— Oh my god, I’m an idiot.”

Carmilla immediately grinned at the sheer embarrassment Laura seemed to be feeling. Which was odd, considering _she_ was the one half naked.

"I'm sorry, I just heard- I didn't think-“ Laura stammered, still covering her eyes.

Carmilla turned back to the mirror, ignoring Laura's muttering, "Just stop before you have an aneurism." Her right arm reached around, trying to grab the bandage now close to falling off completely. 

Laura looked between fingers that were covering her eyes before slowly lowering her hand. She watched Carmilla's fingers delicately grip the bandage and try to position it so it would cover the road rash and not stick to it. Apparently being walked in on half naked in the bathroom didn't phase Camilla in the slightest, and all her focus was on her reflection and trying to finish her task.

"Do you want help?" Her words we cautious as her eyes darted to Carmilla's reflection. 

Carmilla wanted to ignore the offer but she was growing increasingly frustrated with her current attempt at getting the bandage untwisted and stuck on right. She didn't say anything, only sighed and dropped her hand, as well as her gaze. 

It was a silent yes to the question but Laura stood frozen still. It wasn't until Carmilla met her eyes in the mirror and mutter an annoyed _“well?”_ that Laura stepped forward and reached for the bandage. She quickly understood why Carmilla was struggling. The bandage was barely big enough and the sticky part around the edges was, well, sticky.

“Maybe we should start over.” Laura slowly peeled off the part of the bandage that was already sticking to Carmilla’s skin and set it down on the lip of the sink. The only sign of discomfort Laura saw was the slight clenching of her jaw and her eyes looking upwards towards the ceiling. If there was anything this girl was good at, it was ignoring pain.

Laura looked back to the shoulder, skin red and pebbled where it had been ripped by the asphalt, then different shades of purple and blue bruising where it had taken the force of impact. It was actually quite impressive that Carmilla hadn't flinched or pulled away in the slightest, cause it looked pretty painful.

A droplet of water let go of one of Carmilla’s dark curls that it had been clinging to and slowly started to glide down her back, falling along the line of her shoulder blade, tracing the purple outline of a bruise until it disappeared into the fabric of her bra. Absentmindedly Laura placed her fingertips against Carmilla’s back and brushed at the wet streak with her thumb. The moisture spread on pale skin, inciting an involuntary twitch of Carmilla’s shoulder blades.

Laura felt the tips of her ears start to burn and the feeling like she was intruding filled her chest the same way it had when she first entered the bathroom. She had to break the silence. Or more so, interrupt the sound of the rapid beating of her heart.

“You know,” Laura was focused on the bandage and Carmilla’s shoulder, talking almost distractedly. “you didn't have to sleep in the car.”

Carmilla was no longer staring at the ceiling trying to ignore the stinging sensation in her shoulder, but was watching Laura carefully, studying her closely. She looked focused, but also absentminded as they stood there silently. She knew Laura had been trying to figure her out, but Carmilla had been trying to do the exact same thing. She thought she had Laura pinned— Idealistic, naive, big dreams with little world experience— but every once in a while she would do something that caught Carmilla by surprise and reignited the curiosity, like she had missed something. Something important.

“I know.” Carmilla responded quietly, eyes still watching Laura’s reflection carefully.

The stinging in her shoulder shifted to a feeling of warmth and Laura’s movements became less clinical and more caring. Laura found herself again, after being lost in the shades of purple across pale skin, blinking rapidly as she reached for the bandage sitting on the counter. Silently she willed herself to keep it together, but was betrayed by her hands slightly shaking. She knew Carmilla would feel it when she slowly slid her finger over the edge of the bandage, sealing it over what would one day simply be a scar.

This was one of those moments that left Carmilla curious. She had already found out that Laura was stubborn and headstrong, but she was also kind and a level of gentle that Carmilla was sure had never existed before. How could so much fire burn within someone so determined only to warm the world and never burn it down?

Laura felt Carmilla watching her but refused to match her gaze. There were different ways Carmilla payed attention, and what she was doing now, made Laura nervous. 

Carmilla was smart, Laura knew that. She also knew she was observant. Sometimes it was curiosity, sometimes it was because there was nothing else to pay attention to, but sometimes it was focused, and purposeful, and this was one of those times.

“All done.” Laura forced a smile as she brushed her hands together trying to hide her nervousness.

It hadn't worked, making Carmilla smirk, “So its not fatal, doctor?” she asked with a dramatic sigh and a teasing look in her eye.

Laura rolled her eyes, thankful things had shifted to playful, even if it was at her expense. “Looks that way.” She tried to match Carmilla’s smirk, “Unfortunately.”

Carmilla actually smiled at Laura’s attempt to dish it right back. “Well, as much as I enjoy the company…” She arched an eyebrow, “Do you plan on joining me while I finish getting ready?”

“Oh. Right.” _She's still half naked Laura_. Her eyes widened as she turned to her right, running into the door, then turning left and stumbling out of the bathroom.  So much for keeping her composure.

——

“Sooo…” Laf rocked back on their heels as they passed around the breakfast sandwiches they had acquired. “Has there been a decision?”

Perry was flattening out the paper wrapping that had been around her breakfast sandwich, apparently determined to iron out any creases before starting to eat. She looked hesitant waiting for an answer, and if the short yet worried conversation she had with Carmilla the day before was any indication, she wasn't exactly 100% on board with adding her to the passenger list quite yet.

Carmilla didn't blame her. She wasn't exactly completely convinced herself. At first the offer had been made without much thought- spurred by the realization that they were going to the same place. It had been quickly retracted then in a surprise turn of events, placed back on the table after what seemed like quite a bit of thought. She wasn't sure what had made the impulsive offer become an actual thing, but what was more surprising was the fact that she was seriously torn between her two options.

Laura felt mildly like she wanted to throw up. She wanted Carmilla to join them. She also wanted to never have look at that damn attractive smirk ever again. It was a problem. She knew it. The frustration that sparked in her chest only fed the fire that sat building in her stomach. Whiplash from sarcasm to thoughtful looks was too much and she couldn't make up her mind what she wanted anymore. Basically, she wanted someone else to make the decision so she wouldn't have to.

She was good at rolling with it. Someone else choose— if Carmilla joined them, great. She would continue her efforts to figure her out and help her get ‘unlost’. Was that even a thing? _Didn't matter_. If she declined the offer and got on a bus when they reached the next city, then at least she could say she tried.

“Lets be real here.” Carmilla took a bite of her sandwich, not bothering to finish chewing before continuing to talk. “You’ve got two weeks of a road trip planned and you’re offering me a free ride out of the goodness of your hearts?”

“About that.” Laura pulled a piece of bacon out of her own sandwich and ate it, “It wouldn't exactly be free.”

“Ah, the truth comes out.” Carmilla shook her head.

“Well, come on.” Laura chuckled, probably to avoid puking, “Two weeks of food and hotel, we cant exactly cover that for you. Or part of gas.”

“Way to sell it.” Carmilla took another bite, still weighing her options even though Laura wasn't exactly making joining them sound all that appealing. 

“Well, I mean, ok.” Laura knew she was failing at making it seem like a better option than a bus. But, was that what she was trying to do? “You wouldn't have to spend three days next to a rando on a bus.”

Carmilla scoffed, “Yeah, instead I’d be sharing a car with three.”

“Valid point.” Laura’s brow creased, “But at least you know we all shower.”

Perry made a face of disgust at what Laura was implying, which made both Carmilla and Laf chuckle.

“Alright.” Carmilla licked at her lips for any stray crumbs, “So the offer is tag along, paying my share of gas and lodging. Taking two weeks instead of 3 days to get to California, and stopping at thrilling destinations like beet farms as we go?”

“Well, when you put it that way...” Laf took a bite of food with a smile, pretty sure what Carmilla’s answer to the invitation was going to be.

“I’m in.” Carmilla took her last bite before balling up the wrapper and tossing it at Laf, hitting them in the chest, before walking away.

“Wait. What?” Laura was shocked. Eyes wide and completely confused as she watched Carmilla climb into the front seat. “You’re serious?” Laura took a couple quick steps towards her, blocking Carmilla from closing the door.

Carmilla took a deep breath, considering her response before looking up at Laura with a smirk. “As long as I don’t have to stop stealing shotgun from Lafontaine.”

Laura smiled wide, she knew Carmilla was only playing dumb to drive Laf crazy, but that still didn't explain why she was making the less practical choice and joining them. 

Carmilla must have known that answer wouldn't be enough because she slowly started to pull the door closed, forcing Laura to back up and out of the way as she spoke again. “Besides, if i get sick of you I can just catch a bus later.”

Laura stepped back as the door shut, turning to look at equally shocked expressions from the other two still standing next to the car.

“So this, this- this is actually….” Perry sucked in a large breath, nodding only slightly but quickly. “Okay. This is good. Sure. It'll be good.”

“You ok Perr?” Laf asked with concern.

“I thought you said..?” Laura wasn't sure why Perry seemed so stressed all of a sudden. She had seemed okay with the possibility the night before, and had been silent during their conversation just barely. “You didn't have a problem with it before?”

“Thats because I thought she would be crazy to accept. Which, apparently, she is.” Perry was wide eyed and frantic, wringing her hands together in front of her.

“Woah, Perry. I thought you liked her?” Laf set their sandwich down on the trunk and started to rub Perry’s back, hoping it would calm her down.

“I do. Honestly. She’s lovely.” Perry pursed her lips together, looking towards the front of the car. “Its just, we know nothing about her.”

“What better way to find out than a road trip?” Laura smiled. “They say you learn more about someone if you travel with them than any other situation.”

“And..” Laf added when that didn't seem to calm all of Perry’s reservations. “We can adjust the conditions of the whole thing. If she doesn't want to give us more info about who she is, then we can still drop her at the bus station.” 

“That sounds reasonable.” Perry finally breathed out.

Things couldn't have gotten settled at a better time. A second later Carmilla was opening the car door and turning around to look at the three that were all standing there like they hadn't been the ones trying to keep up with a ridiculous itinerary.

“We are losing precious driving time.” Carmilla called out, “I’m not paying to sit in a motel parking lot.”

This was the first time Laura had a hint of regret about inviting Carmilla along and she had a feeling it wouldn't be the last.

——

The bell chimed out over the door as Laura stepped into the overly air conditioned station. Laf had volunteered to gas up the car and Perry was nearly ecstatic about washing the windows while Laura ran inside for a refill on their snacks, while carmilla volunteer to stay in her seat and do nothing. Shocker.

It didn't take long before Laura was slowing her steps down the isle with all the different types of cookies, eyeing them all with a smile. She had promised not to only get cookies and chocolate but honestly, what else was worth spending precious snack money on?

Nothing.

So after an arm full of cookies, a few bottles of water and one bag of pretzels (So Laura could say she didn't _just_ get cookies), Laura was dropping her items on the counter with a pleased smile.

“Wow. Think you have enough sugar there, cupcake?”

A flashback of their first gas station greeting came to mind and the nickname suddenly made sense. Didn't make it any less annoying.

“Wow. You actually came to help me bring stuff back to the car?” Laura spun towards Carmilla and crossed her arms over her chest. She was getting much better at this sarcasm thing, and as much as she wanted to be proud of herself, it also had a tendency to spur Carmilla on. 

"Of course not." Carmilla started down an isle on her own, "you're a strong independent woman. I wouldn't want to get in the way of that."

Laura just rolled her eyes and turned back to the clerk (Dan, according to the lopsided name tag) who still hadn't moved. It didn't really matter if he went quickly, the witty banter would only continue once they were on the road. 

Carmilla smirked to herself when Laura made no attempt to reply, scanning the shelves for her own desired snack. Once she made it to the back, she grabbed a bottle of water for herself and made her way towards the front, snatching up a candy bar on the way. 

The wrapper crinkled loudly as she tugged on the corner to open it, taking a bite as she walked towards the door. 

"Uh, hey." Dan had looked up from his sloth like movements, "you need to pay for that."

Carmilla turned and pressed her back to the door, pushing it open as she continued to move backwards. She took a bite, smiling around the chocolate and nodded towards Laura, "She'll take care of it. Won't you, cutie?" She sent Laura a wink before walking out the door with just the chime of the bell following after her. 

Laura's jaw dropped as she watched Carmilla walk out, clearly pleased with herself. All she could do was shake her head and turn back to Dan with a shrug. "I guess I'm paying for hers too."

She didn't have much time to be annoyed, being reminded by Laf as soon as she got back to the car that it was her idea to invite Carmilla to stay. 

She told herself she was seriously considering dropping Carmilla off at the bus station anyway— but secretly she was enjoying it. She had always been a girl that enjoyed a challenge. 

—

Laura blew out a breath dramatically and gripped the collar of her shirt, pulling it away from herself in an effort to fan herself. Carmilla glanced over out of the corner of her eye, trying to keep her smirk from being obvious. 

"Are you guys hot?" Laura asked, almost in a painful voice as she rolled down her window and all but stuck her head out. 

Carmilla had to turn away from Laura to face out her own window to keep from laughing. 

"Uh, not really." Laf shrugged and leaned towards the center of the car to look up front, "but you do have the heater on."

"What?!" Laura's eyes snapped to the air controls, going wide at seeing the heater on. "But I didn't--"

Her eyes narrowed as they fell to Carmilla who's shoulders were shaking in her attempt to silence her laugh. 

"What did you do?" Laura asked angrily, looking back to the dashboard. 

Not only was the heater on, but the only air vents that were open were the ones pointed directly at Laura. 

"Seriously?" Laura rolled her eyes as she quickly shut the heater off then adjusted her vents to face away from her, just for good measure. "Are you five?"

Carmilla just chuckled, reclining her seat a little, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"What's next?" Laura tried to act less annoyed than she was, knowing full well annoying her was Carmilla's goal, "asking if we're there yet every five seconds?"

The corner of Carmilla's lip turned up as she closed her eyes, leaning back into her seat, "Hey red?"

"Yes?" Perry answered, apparently accustomed to the nick names Carmilla insisted on using.

"Are we there yet?" Carmilla's smirk grew. 

"Oh my god." Laura groaned. 

This is basically how the entire morning had gone. Petty little games that left Carmilla absolutely pleased and Laura either flustered or dangerously close at stopping her efforts to remain nice despite it all.

The candy bar, somehow getting shotgun _again_ despite Laf’s efforts, constantly adjusting the volume on the radio, and now the heater. It was like traveling with a child. Except, somehow she managed to do it in a way that seemed perfectly reasonable and getting mad at her would only make that person seem crazy and like they were overreacting.

"Actually," Perry's forehead wrinkled with worry, "because of our unexpected delay, I've had to adjust our schedule and it seems we may have to skip one of our stops today if we want to stay on track."

"Pity." Carmilla drawled, sinking further into the corner of where the seat met the door, clearly losing interest in conversation. 

"That'll just give is more time to get to know one another." Perry added cheerfully, even though her face was still covered in worry. 

Carmilla sighed, not attempting to hide her annoyance. So far she had done everything to keep details about herself as vague as possible. It was getting more difficult with how insistent they all were. After leaving the gas station earlier it had been the first thing out of Laura’s mouth:

_“So tell us about yourself.”_

There wasn't some grand scheme to keeping herself a mystery. It was as simple as knowing they had no idea who she was, so everything they did wasn't altered by an any other motive. Laura glared at her, or was nice to her, simply because she wanted to- not because of who she was.

After finding out that everything that had happened between her an Ell was stemmed by Ell's previous knowledge of her and the idea of what she could get from Carmilla— it was nice to know that they had no idea who she was, where she came from, not even her last name. 

She was just Carmilla. 

Her answer had been an eye roll and a quick adjustment to the volume of the music. It worked, _that time_.

She knew it wouldn't last forever. Especially after their arrangement had changed from a quick ride to joining their idea of a thrilling road trip. But maybe there was a chance she could be smart about what she told them, settling their curiosity while still keeping enough about herself a mystery. 

So as soon as it was brought up for what felt like the hundredth time, Perry clearly past the point of curiosity and living in a world of worry, she decided now was as good as any other time.

"Alright." Carmilla opened her eyes and sat up. 

"Alright what?" Laura asked, glancing over at her before looking back to the road, grateful to have something to focus on. 

Ever since their shared moment in the bathroom that morning, Laura found herself being even more confused about Carmilla than before. The idea that there was more to Carmilla than the sarcastic comments and shameless flirting had always been there, but that was the first time Laura had really seen it. It was also the moment she realized she wasn't just curious about Carmilla, but actually liked her. A miracle really, with how she had acted since then. She couldn't explain it, but she liked her.

She was guarded, sure. Used flirting and sarcasm as a defense, but she was human. She was funny, and charming (in the most annoying way), and despite her efforts to make it seem otherwise, she was actually _nice_. In her own twisted way, that is. 

"Ask your questions." Carmilla gave her a blank look.

"Seriously?"

"Really?"

Laf and Perry had nearly collided heads as they both responded, leaning forward between the seats to look at Carmilla. 

Laura was less convinced, feeling like this was some kind of trap. She had been evading questions for the last 2 days, why would she suddenly be up for sharing time now?

"What's the catch?" Laura asked, furrowing her brows but not looking away from the road. 

"No catch." Carmilla twisted the cap off her water and took a sip, "This is your one chance, then we can stop playing the passive aggressive get to know you games. You guys are not as subtle as you think."

They all managed to look surprised and guilty at the same time. Subtlety was definitely something they all lacked, didn't mean they hadn't tried. 

Carmilla turned to look at them all before rolling her eyes when they stayed silent. Finally give them their chance and they have no questions. Brilliant. 

“Alright, I’ll start with the obvious.” She used a tone to suggest she was annoyed, but really she was trying to decide the best way to do this. Give them just enough information to settle their curiosity without losing her sense of control over how much they knew. She cleared her throat, “Carmilla Karnstein.”

“Wait—“ Laf immediately recognized the name, trying to piece it all together. “As in—“

 _Well shit._ “Yeah, _as in_.” Carmilla shot them a look, hoping they would drop it. She knew there was a chance at least one of them would recognize the name but she was hoping they wouldn't. No such luck. 

Not wanting to give Laf the chance to clue the other two in on what they were talking about, she quickly kept going. “Favorite color- black, not a morning person-"

Carmilla ignored the scoff that came from Laura at that one. 

"Pancakes, coffee, dogs, went to NYU, double majored in Business and Philosophy—“

“Well thats an odd combination.” Perry chimed in, not sure why Laf looked as puzzled as they did from the moment Carmilla started spouting facts. It's not like Carmilla was saying more than the usual get to know you game answers. 

“Yeah well, one was necessary and one was for fun.” Carmilla shrugged.

“They both sound like torture to me.” Laura added dryly. Honestly, though, NYU _and_ a double major? She was impressed.

Carmilla chuckled, “And what did you go to school for?”

“Journalism.” She smiled proudly.

Carmilla noted the way her posture straightened and her smile widened. “I should have known. Our very own Lois Lane.” The joke only made Laura smile wider. “Is thats whats in California?”

Just like that, the smile didn't reach her eyes and looked more forced than genuine. “Hopefully.” Laura turned to look at Carmilla, “But we aren't talking about me. Is that why _you’re_ going there?”

Carmilla shook her head, “Brothers there.”

“Just a quick trip then?” Perry smiled.

“Haven't decided yet.”

That brought Laura back to the conversation. She _knew_ Carmilla didn't have a plan, which reminded Laura exactly why she had been so interested in Carmilla in the first place.

"Nothing to get back to? No other family or... Anyone?" Halfway through her questions Laura remembered the phone call she had answered on Carmilla's phone.  The girlfriend. 

 _Ex_ girlfriend. She had seemed angry. And even mentioned Carmilla's mother and how she wasn't happy either. And from the way things had looked to unfold- Carmilla had been getting out of there in a hurry. Even with just that much information and the the face Carmilla was now making- it didn't take a genius to figure out it was a touchy subject and her choice to head to California probably hadn't been planned. 

"No." Carmilla clenched her jaw, her eyes going cold instead of the bored look she had been giving them. "No one."

"No family?" Perry asked with a sincere frown. 

Carmilla just clenched her jaw. _Technically_ there was more than Will, but everything was much too long of a story to explain. Plus, it would only open more doors she wanted to remain shut. "No." She cleared her throat, surprised at how uncomfortable she felt lying. "We done with question time?"

"Wait, no!" Laura seemed almost panicked at the idea of losing this chance to actually get answers. "What, um, your favorite dessert?"

_Way to go for the hard hitting questions Laura. Definitely investigative journalism quality._

Carmilla had been sure Laura's questions would have been more invasive, but this was going great. "Cupcakes." She smirked and sent a wink at Laura as soon as her shocked eyes looked at her. 

Laura face flushed and she pointedly looked out the windshield hoping someone else would ask a much more revealing and less embarrassing question.

"Pizza or hotdogs?" Laf was dead serious. 

_Great. Of course no one would be interested in actual relevant information._

Carmilla looked to the back seat. For their insistence that they knew nothing about her, they sure were asking pretty stupid questions. "Pizza?"

"Ever killed anyone?" Perry asked as she marked another box on her current page of sudoku, not bothering to look up.

"What?"

The three others all spoke at once, looking to Perry with baffled expressions while she casually marked another box before looking up. 

"Statistically speaking you're more likely to run into a serial killer in a situation involving a hitchhiker." She paused thoughtfully, "And although our situation is a little different I felt it prudent to ask."

Carmilla couldn't help but grin. Perry was strange, but Carmilla liked her more and more as this trip went on. "Have I killed anyone?” she repeated, amusement in her voice.

The looks from Laf and Laura were more grim than she expected. Like suddenly it was a completely reasonable question and they honestly weren't sure what the answer would be. 

Carmilla forced herself to make a serious face and raise an eyebrow, lowering her voice, "Not today."

"Oh my." Perry frowned, the other two just widening their eyes like they weren't sure how to respond. 

Carmilla laughed at the response and shifted in her seat, throwing a foot up on the dash casually. 

Laura chuckled nervously, "Ha. Very funny."

"And if we are talking statistics, there are actually more cases of hitchhikers being killed rather than being the killers." Carmilla was looking out the window, completely casual while they held a conversation about murder. "So if anyone should be worried, it should be me." She glanced around the car, eyeing them all carefully, "Something tells me I have nothing to worry about, though.”

Laura wanted to be offended, but she was probably right. So she pushed down the instinct to argue and forced herself to come up with another question. Hopefully better than one about desserts. 

"So if you're not a murderer.." She grinned teasingly at Carmilla, "what do you do for work?”

Carmilla paused noticeably, making Laura pay closer attention. Despite her flustered question about desserts, she actually was very good at interviewing and reading people. Usually. In this case, Laura knew Carmilla was either trying to think of the best way to answer, or flat out lie.

“I worked for a company.” Another pause. “Thats mostly buying and selling property. Businesses. Nothing exciting.”

“Worked?” Laura followed up without waiting a beat.

“ _Work_. I guess.” Carmilla was still talking slowly, “I recently quit but unfortunately its not that simple for me.”

“Isn't quitting kind of simple?” Laura asked, confused by Carmilla’s reluctance to talk about her job and the way she was talking about it. “You quit, thats that. Its kind of the rule.”

“Yeah well, do I strike you as someone that follows the rules?” Carmilla was back to acting like she was above it all.

A shift Laura hadn't missed. So far Carmilla had done a pretty good job of answering questions without actually giving much away, but Laura had been paying attention and doing her best to read between the lines.

She was fine to share that she had a brother, but mention of other family had nearly ended the conversation. The only question she hadn't added a bit of sarcasm to was the one about her education. She was smart, and was proud of her accomplishments. Even if she wouldn't admit it in quite those words. Laura had already picked up on that. Carmilla was much too observant to just be someone that watched for the heck of it. She payed attention and acted accordingly, strategically. She was charming and smart, a dangerous combination, but Carmilla used it well.

Then there was her job. Laura didn't think Carmilla had lied, her answers had been slow but too thoughtful to be made up. She may have omitted information, which made Laura curious, but she had been honest. There was also the reaction Laf had when Carmilla first shared her last name and the weird exchange that followed.

Laura knew she was grasping at straws and trying to read a novel in a children's picture book, but it was clear if she wanted answers about their mysterious travel buddy, thats what she was going to have to do.

“After three days of trying to ride shotgun, I am very sure you have no idea what rules are.” Laf grumbled in the back seat, pulling Laura from her moment of overthinking.

Laura couldn't help but giggle when Carmilla smirked from her seat, not offering a response. One more thing she had learned about Carmilla;

She was annoyingly funny. And charming, and actually quite beautiful.

Carmilla must have noticed Laura staring because her gaze fell to her face and her smirk softened to a small smile before she nodded towards the front of the car, reminding Laura she was driving and should probably keep her eyes on the road.

Then just like that sharing time was over. 

Carmilla sank back into her seat, stuck her headphones in her ears and turned to look out the passenger window. 

Laura sighed, "I guess we reached our question limit for the day."

"Did you know she was a Karnstein?" Laf asked quietly, leaning forward towards Laura.

"No." Laura made eye contact through the rear view mirror, "What's a Karnstein?"

"Uh, nothing." Laf sat back and shook their head. "I'm probably wrong, anyway."

They weren't wrong, though. Karnstein was the name behind the company that owned the building Laf worked at. In fact, they were one of the largest real estate and land owners in the country. They owned dozens, maybe even hundreds of buildings, empty plots and business across the country. The actual company was called something else entirely, but Karnstein was the family name behind it. Laf only knew that because they nearly blown up a wing of their building once and their boss had mentioned it and how a visit from them was not something they wanted.

Considering how large of a business it was, and how uncommon the name was, Laf knew Carmilla had to be connected to it somehow. Which made her reluctance to share information about herself actually make sense. 

Carmilla was rich. And connected. And was wanting to keep that a secret. 

The only thing Laf wasn't sure of, was _why_. 

——

"I never thought I'd say this," Laura shut off the engine and dropped her hands in her lap, "but I can't wait to eat something that isn't a cookie."

Perry had figured out that if they wanted to keep up with their schedule, they were going to have to forgo their planned stop for that morning and just keep driving until they could stop for a late lunch.  

So since their awkward early morning breakfast sandwiches eaten over the trunk of the car, and their quick stop for gas-- they hadn't stopped,  or eaten anything.  Except for the cookies and pretzels Laura had purchased. Which, she was now regretting her decision not to branch out on treat options. 

"I tried to tell you." Perry scolded as she started getting out of the car. "At least you had the good sense to get water. I just wish _someone_ would have shared."

"Trust me." Laf groaned as they climbed out carefully, " _Someone_ wishes the same thing."

Carmilla was the last out of the car, taking her time to stretch slowly as Laf went as quickly as they could to find a bathroom and Laura and Perry did their own round of stretching. 

"Please tell me our next stop is sooner than 5 hours." Carmilla grumbled as she headed towards the door. It was less of an actual question and more of a complaint. Shotgun or not, that was a long time to be stuck in a car. Especially when you're trying to avoid conversation. 

Perry followed Carmilla into the small burger joint, "We were able to make up quite a bit of time and we should be able to continue with the rest of our planned stops from now on."

"What _is_ our next stop?" Laura asked while they all sat down and opened up their menus.

"This is actually it." Perry smiled across the table at Laura and Carmilla. 

"What's actually it?" Laf asked as they sat down in the chair next to Perry, much more relaxed after relieving themselves of their large consumption of water over the last 5 hours.

"Our next stop." Perry shifted closer to Laf so they could share a menu. 

"A shitty burger place is your next stop on the worlds strangest road trip?" Carmilla asked skeptically. 

"Not the burger place." Perry frowned, mostly for Carmilla's language as their waitress came over, "the town."

They were all quick to put in their orders, all glad to have options other than sugar. Except Laura, who promptly ordered a milkshake and turned down an order of fries. Insistent she _'wasn't really feeling fries_ '. 

Carmilla didn't want fries either. She ordered them anyway. 

—

"So what's the deal with the town?" Laf asked around a mouthful of food.

Perry sighed, her features tight as she watched Laf chew with their mouth open, "It's one of the oldest in the country. There are lots of shops and stores you won't find anywhere else. Somehow they've managed to keep the entire town franchise free, only local businesses are run here."

"Well that sounds cool." Laura took a break from her shake and grabbed a fry from Carmilla's plate. 

Carmilla watched her steal a fry but didn't say anything, instead she found herself smiling slightly as she watched the three chat (her attention staying longer on Laura than the other two).

She had decided to pay closer attention since joining them for an extended amount of time, more than just to know how to annoy them. She had actually given them real information about herself and it seemed like Laf had recognized her name and she wasn't sure what that would mean for her in the future. They seemed nice enough, but it wouldn't be the first time someone took advantage of Carmilla. 

But as she payed attention there wasn't anything that made it seem like she needed to worry. All she noticed was small, insignificant things. The three all got on so well with one another despite their major differences.  Maybe even because of them.  

_"I saw an old ice cream shop when we first drove in."_

_"Laura, sweetie, you're eating a milk shake right this second."_

_"Perry, you know she would eat sugar cubes for every meal if she could."_

What she noticed... Perry was high strung and liked things done in a very particular way. The more frazzled she was, the faster she spoke and the wider her eyes went. But when it came to Laf, she seemed to accept she had no control how things were done and somehow Laf's chaos even made her less anxious. Carmilla's lack of structure clearly stressed her out, but so far she hadn't said anything or complained about it. 

_"I saw a sign for a fabric store down the way. That looked interesting."_

_"Not as interesting as the old dynamite museum the waitress mentioned." Laf's smile was a mix of excited and wicked._

_"If we do both, I can get fabric to make you a new wardrobe when you singe all your clothes." Perry’s face was worried but her tone actually playful._

_Laura's smile was wide, "Maybe this time you can try not to burn your eyebrows off. It wasn't your best look."_

Lafontaine would eat just about anything, but 20% of it never even made it in their mouth. They were incredibly intelligent and equally kind. They had recognized Carmilla's last name but hadn't said anything as far as Carmilla could tell. They laughed at their own jokes, probably because no one else understood them. 

_"There's probably an old music store or something, too." Laf smiled at Carmilla, not phased by the blank look they received in return._

_"Oh! Maybe they have a cool old record I can get for my dad." Laura ate another fry with a smile._

Then there was Laura. Laura waved her hands around when she talked. The more excited she got, the faster they moved. Her smile always started in her eyes, even before her lips twisted up. She was curious, about _everything_. Clumsy. Snorted when she laughed too hard. She would tuck her hair behind her ear when she was nervous or embarrassed. She would fix her posture to try to seem bigger when she was trying to be serious. She scrunched her nose when she was frustrated but it was more cute than off putting. She made a little squeaking sound when she yawned, hummed along to the radio, tried to sing along but never sang the right words. She ate cookies two at a time, was witty and sweet and had actually made Carmilla smile more than once. 

 _That wasn't the point though_. 

The group loved each other like family and bickered like siblings. Since joining them they hadn't asked anything of Carmilla besides wanting to know more about her.

She had never met people like them, she couldn't figure them out, and it was driving her crazy. But what drove her most crazy, was how often she found herself fighting a smile over something seemingly insignificant Laura did. 

Like how she just took another fry from Carmilla's plate without even realizing. 

"I'm going to walk around." Carmilla slid her plate towards Laura before standing up. "Check out this _amazing_ town of yours.” She was careful to make sure she didn't sound angry, just sarcastic. They hadn't done anything wrong, she just needed some time to herself to get her thoughts sorted out. Less of Laura, more of a plan for after Laura.

Because honestly, this idea of paying attention was backfiring on her. _Majorly_. The more she learned about them, the harder it became to convince herself she didn't like them. That was the problem. 

She _did_ like them. It was annoying. 

But liking someone is the first step to getting attached. And Carmilla didn't do attached. She had made very few exceptions to that rule in her life and each times she had been let down and hurt because of it. 

So no. Carmilla _couldn't_ like them. Couldn't like Laura. She couldn't be noticing the freckles that showed up on Laura's nose when she was in the sun, or be able to pick out the sound of her laugh without having to see her. She didntn need to notice how gentle she had been when helping her with her shoulder or the say her hand had shook when their skin touched. And she definitely didn't have to pay attention to the light that shone from her eyes and the way her smile always grew slowly- the upturn of the corner of her lips, before they parted and it widened. The small crinkles at the edges of her eyes or how sometimes she would bite the end of her tongue between her teeth. 

She didn't need to pay attention to any of that. 

So she walked away, stopping at the counter to pay for her meal, before walking out of the burger joint, forcing herself not to look back. 

—

"Why did she even decide to come with us if she's just going to be a jerk the whole time?" Laura sank into her seat and took another fry from the plate in front of her. They were good fries. But she frowned while she ate it so her distaste for Carmilla's attitude would be clear. 

"You really think she's a jerk?" Laf twisted around to make sure Carmilla had left, not wanting to make things awkward if she was still around to hear the conversation that was starting. 

"Well yeah." Laura huffed, "She's constantly frowning, either being a complete ass or flirting just to get a rise out of me, steals my pillow any chance she gets, refuses to even _try_ to be part of the conversation--"

"Now wait a second." Perry interrupted, "What about earlier today? She talked with us for a bit."

"Yeah, for like two seconds." Laura rolled her eyes. 

"Not everyone is as chatty as you are, L. Maybe she needs a little longer to warm up to us." Laf chuckled. "Plus, I've seen a couple smiles. Small. But still."

"Right." Laura muttered, glancing out the window they were sitting next to to see if she could spot the other girl. 

"Plus, she can't be a complete jerk." Laf said matter of factly as they reached across the table to grab a fry with a knowing smile, "she ordered fries and didn't eat a single one."

"What?" Laura looked confused at the near empty plate, "they are almost gone." She gestured with her hand, showing Laf they were clearly crazy. 

"Uh, yeah. Cause you ate them all." Lads smile only grew, "She ordered them for _you_."

Ok, so they weren't wrong. Laura had basically eaten Carmilla's entire order of fries. She would have stopped if Carmilla had said anything, but she hadn't. 

Which sort of proved Lafs point. So maybe she wasn't a complete jerk. And maybe that's exactly what the problem was. 

She was sarcastic and rude but also actually nice and surprising considerate when she wanted to be. Laura was be completely frustrated with her one second then just looking at her like she was absolutely adorable the next. And the flip would come out of nowhere, with no warning. It was exhausting. Did she like Carmilla, or hate her? She had no idea. 

"Was there anything else you needed?" Their waitress was standing at the table with a smile.

"Just the check, please." Perry said cheerfully, patting at her mouth with the corner of her napkin. 

"Oh, it's already been taken care of." She picked up the couple empty plates and stacked them on her arm. 

"Are you sure?" Laura asked, slightly confused. 

"Positive." She nodded and grabbed the last plate from the table, "your friend took care of it before she left."

"Still a jerk?" Laf grinned smugly, wiggling their eyebrows.

"Shut up." Laura mumbled as she stood up, and glared at them, "Since when are you her number one fan?"

They all stopped on the sidewalk outside and looked up and down the street. It was a pretty cool town. They could probably spend all day there exploring if they had the time. The waitress hadn't been lying about the dynamite museum. There was a sign just down the road and Laf smiled like it was Christmas morning when they saw it. Carmilla was nowhere in sight though.

Perry figured they had just under three hours before they needed to be back on the road, so they picked a direction and started walking. 

They walked together for a while. Stopping in an antique store, one full of random souvenirs, one named 'baked' that Perry was especially excited for, until she realized it wasn't the kind of baked she was expecting. 

After a good amount of laughter and teasing over that one, they split up. Laf and Perry headed to the fabric store before checking out the dynamite museum. Perry refused to let Laf go there alone, for the entire towns sake. Laura crossed the street, smiling at the ice cream shop sign, deciding it was a good place to start before making her way down the rest of the street. They had already made a plan to meet up again when it was time to leave and as much as she loved the other two, having some alone time after being with them 24 hours a day for the last few days sounded amazing.

—

“Stupid french fries.” Carmilla mumbled, sifting through the shelf of records in front of her. “ _I don’t want my own french fries but i’ll eat yours_.” she mimicked Laura’s voice, poorly. “I’m cheerful and happy and freaking adorable, blah, blah, blah...”

“Carm?”

“Ah shit.” Carmilla muttered, her hands freezing between flipping records, her eyes shutting tightly as she pulled in a deep breath.

“Are you talking to yourself?” Laura smiled as she came down the isle, stopping opposite Carmilla, the waist high shelf separating them.

“Are you stalking me?” Carmilla countered in an annoyed tone. It wasn't on purpose.

“What? No!” Laura quickly looked down at the records separating them, feeling the need to explain herself. Even though she hadn't even known Carmilla was there. “I was just looking for a record for my dad. I promised him I’d find him a souvenir and we have this thing, kind of a tradition, with his old record player…” She finally looked up and saw Carmilla’s eyebrow arched but otherwise a blank expression on her face. She shook her head, realizing she was getting off topic, “..That doesn't matter though. I really didn't know you were here, but then I heard you talking so I came over and I promise I’m not stalking you. Or following you—“

“Cupcake.” Carmilla sighed, before giving her the hint of a smirk, “Has anyone ever told you, you talk too much?”

Then it happened, and Carmilla noticed it.

It started with her eyes. Her gaze softened and brightened all at the same time, before a small smile spread across her lips. She reached a hand up to tuck some stray hair behind her ear as her eyes lowered and her cheeks pinked slightly.

Carmilla couldn't help but smile. That was the moment she realized there was a lot she couldn't help lately, she just wasn't sure how far it was going to go.

“Sorry.” Laura looked up at her, her smile still coy, “I can leave you alone.”

Carmilla watched her turn and take a couple slow steps away, she tried to tell herself to let her go, but her voice had other ideas. “What kind of music?”

Laura stopped, turning to look over her shoulder curiously, “What?”

Carmilla looked back to the records in front of her, going through them one by one slowly, “Your dad. What kind of music does he like?”

It was an invitation to stay. Well, as close to one as Laura was going to get, and she knew it.

"Oldies." She smiled fondly, memories of sitting on the floor listening tom music and looking at his old record jackets while her father made dinner or read the paper. "Mostly the 60's, 70's."

Carmilla pursed her lips together but didn't look up, she just kept flipping through records. 

"Led Zeppelin, The Who, Rolling Stones.." Laura reached forward to mimic what Carmilla was doing. Flipping through the stack of records in front of her, moving down the row slowly just like Carmilla. She wasn't paying attention to the records at all, instead her eyes were trained on the girl opposite her. Carmilla's fingers moved slowly and carefully, more gentle with the records in front of her than Laura had seen her be with anything. It made her wonder what other settings brought out such gentleness. She cleared her throat at the thought, "He's a big fan of the beach boys."

Carmilla finally looked up at that, for a moment anyway.

"I never really understood that one." Laura shrugged, finally looking down at the rows of music in front of her. "Of all the bands to choose from." She shook her head, "the beach boys."

"And you?" Carmilla paused, looking up at Laura.

"Me what?" Laura asked before looking up. Which was probably a good thing, because Carmilla was watching her with careful eyes and it made Laura nervous for some reason. Had she waited to speak until now, she's not sure she would be able to form the right words. 

Carmilla waited a moment to elaborate, "If you don't like the beach boys, who would you prefer?"

"Oh." Right.  Music.  They were talking about music.  "Well, I don't know. I guess I'm really not as picky as my dad. Oldies with him, then in the summer it was always country music with my grandparents, then friends were always into the top 40." She shrugged again, looking back down at the records. "I'm pretty easy going when it comes to music."

"Interesting." Carmilla stare stayed fixed on the other girl thoughtfully. 

Laura didn't have to look up to know Carmilla was still looking at her. She could feel it. "Whys that?" She asked almost nervously. 

"No reason." Carmilla shrugged and turned to walk to a different row of music.

Laura's eyebrows pushed together and it only took a second before she was following Carmilla down a new isle. "You can't do that."

"Do what?" 

She had a sly smirk on her face and it only made Laura more insistent on finding out what she had meant. 

"Be all, ‘ _interesting_ ', then not tell me why." Laura had been trailing behind her but quickened her pace so she could get in front of her to cut her off and stop her from walking away. "What's so interesting about me liking a wide range of music?"

"It sounds like you just like what everyone else likes." Carmilla's smirk stayed in place, even when Laura scoffed in disagreement. 

"That's not true."

"Then why did you tell me what music your grandparents like, and your friends like, when I asked what _you_ like?"

"Maybe I like it all." Laura tried to brush it off casually, but her shrug was too stiff and she couldn't make eye contact with Carmilla. "What's wrong with liking what other people like, anyway?"

"Nothing." Carmilla answered plainly, stepping around Laura and grabbing a record from one of the stacks, flipping it over to read the track list on the back of its cover. "But how will you know what _you_ like if you're always doing what everyone else likes instead?"

Leave it to Carmilla to make being accommodating a bad thing. The most frustrating part was that she was right. Laura had never thought about it before, but she didn't know what her favorite song was. Or band. Hell, she wasn't even sure what genre she liked best.

The fact that Carmilla had no problem voicing her opinion had admittedly driven Laura a little crazy. But maybe it wasn't because of the reason she thought. Carmilla had no problem saying what she wanted or didn't want. What she liked or didn't like. And here Laura was, unable to even pick a favorite genre of music. Maybe it bothered her because it was something she wasn't able to do herself. 

"Tell you what." Carmilla turned to face her, record still in her hand. "I'm going to go listen to music that _I_ enjoy." She said it with a teasing smile, "why don't you find something _you_ like, then you can come join me if you want."

Just like most things, this left Laura a little confused. It was both a challenge and an invitation and Laura wasn't sure what Carmilla's motive was. She didn't have time to ask, though. Carmilla was already walking towards the small booth on the other side of the store. Laura sighed as she watched Carmilla step into the booth and put a pair of headphones over her ears before setting up the record she had grabbed.  

She felt silly standing there, slowly turning around to look at the signs over different shelves of music. Country, pop, hip hop... It was beyond frustrating that Carmilla had been right and she had no idea where to go to find something to take over to the booth. 

The smirk on Carmilla's face when she stole a glance that way made her determined to find something though.

—

Carmilla had nearly jumped at the sound of Laura's voice. If only for the fact that she had been talking to herself about her the very moment she had shown up. The look of disappointment on Laura's face as she had turned to leave pulled at something in Carmilla's chest and before she knew what she was saying, she was inviting Laura to stay. 

Then it had turned into a game of who could stare harder. Or who could ignore the other staring longer. It was a weird dynamic they were developing and Carmilla knew it. 

Carmilla knew why she was watching Laura so closely. Curiosity. _Obviously_. But she wasn't sure why Laura was watching her just as closely. 

Laura's rambling had become more entertaining that annoying. Carmilla wasn't sure when that had happened in the last couple days, but didn't think it mattered. Because they were in an old record shop, and the feel of vinyl was comforting, it was quiet except for the sound of Laura rambling, and Carmilla couldn't help but be in a good mood. 

Something about music did that to her. Whether she was playing it herself or listening to it, it always made things feel better. There was a song for everything. When you couldn't find the words yourself, music could speak it for you. It was comforting to Carmilla- so when Laura shrugged casually and dismissed Carmilla's question about what music she liked with  _"I like it all"_ it made Carmilla pause. 

Sure, Carmilla liked a range of music herself. But she could name bands or artists and specific songs and why she liked them for their own unique reasons. So Laura's blanket statement that was basically - I like whatever- disappointed her slightly. 

"Interesting." Was her only reply. Because it was.  Laura had always seemed sure of herself. Stubborn and idealistic. It only just occurred to Carmilla that maybe those ideas weren't Laura's but what she had been told or taught to think. 

She wasn't sure how to explain it to Laura without making it seem like an insult so she brushed it off when Laura asked what she meant. She tried to anyway. Laura wouldn't drop it. Carmilla should have known. 

"It sounds like you just like what everyone else likes." She was talking about more than the music. Laura hadn't once picked a place to stop- to eat, to explore, to spend the night. She had basically given up her ability to make choices and it made Carmilla curious as to why. And what would happen if Laura were to make a choice or two. What would she want to do if she did choose?

So she challenged her. 

Carmilla had figured out fairly quickly that as accommodating as Laura was to those around her, she really didn't like backing down from a challenge. Even a stupid one. So Carmilla left with a smile, hoping she was right, and curious to see what Laura would do. She fixed the record on the turntable in the small listening booth and looked back to Laura who was still in the spot she had left her with a confused look on her face. 

When they made eye contact the confusion changed to determination and Carmilla knew that even if Laura "won" this challenge, she would still get exactly what she wanted. 

Music said a lot about a person and Carmilla wanted to know more about Laura. 

—

This was a lot harder than Laura expected it to be. She wasn't wrong when she had said she liked it all. It seemed no matter what genre she walked to she could find something she enjoyed listening to. But nothing screamed- _this is it. This is your favorite_.

But she couldn't let Carmilla win. That wasn't an option. Because then she would have to look at that ridiculously attractive smug look on her face for who knows how long. And that would just be the worst possible thing to happen. So she kept looking. 

Laura was standing in the country section, flipping through records- Jonny Cash, Dolly Parton, Willie Nelson.. when she stole a glance at the girl in the booth. Her hands paused, surprised at what she saw. 

Carmilla was smiling. 

And not the, I'm winning an argument or made you blush, smug grin or smirk. But an honest, wide, unabashed smile. 

It was stunning. 

It was easy to see, in that moment, how much Carmilla loved music. It was written all over her face and in the way she looked completely relaxed and happy. Laura had never seen her look like that before. Granted, they hadn't know each other long, but she knew it was important anyway.

It donned on her that's what Carmilla wanted Laura to look for in these records. Feeling like she was somehow witnessing a personal moment, Laura looked down at the records and knew she was in the wrong section. She glanced around quickly then started walking quickly to a different area, knowing exactly what she was looking for now. 

It only took her a second to find it and just as quickly she was all but sprinting towards the booth Carmilla was in. She opened the door and stepped inside quickly, being met with a startled look from Carmilla as she spoke. 

"I found it."

—

She had been completely lost in the music coming from large the headphones placed over her ears that she had lost track of Laura fairly quickly. As the record played on, everything outside the booth mattered less and less and she payed attention to the instruments and vocals blending together through the songs. It wasn't until Laura was standing toe to toe with her in the tiny booth that she even realized she was no longer alone.

“I found it.” Laura was smiling wide, proud of herself as she looked at Carmilla for a response.

It took a second for Carmilla to get herself to breathe again, let alone respond. “Did you?” was all she could muster with the sudden proximity of Laura’s body to her own. 

It was strange to be swept up in the peaceful feeling that music gave her then be bombarded with an equally sweet and exciting feeling at opening her eyes to find Laura standing inches away from her. Laura clearly had no clue what she was doing to Carmilla, nodding quickly before moving to stop the turntable in the small booth with them.

Carmilla stood perfectly still, not sure why she was reacting the way she was, but not wanting to give the uncertainty away. So Carmilla let her stop the record, taking it from Laura carefully when she handed it to Carmilla without so much as looking. Then Laura was placing her own on the record player and adjusting the needle to begin playing the new record.

As the music slowly started to build, the record spinning with a slight wobble, Carmilla’s eyes fell to watch it turn. It only took her a second to recognize the music, and just as quick before she started to smile.

Laura watched her proudly. She had found her music. Music _she_ loved. Music that was _hers_. Winning the challenge that Carmilla had placed in front of her. Then Carmilla started to smile and the fact that she _won_ became less important. 

“What?” Laura whispered. Carmilla’s response to the music wasn't one she was expecting, it was a smile similar to the one that had made her realize what she was looking for in the first place, only slightly smaller, almost bashful. Which made no sense.

"Interesting." Carmilla looked up at her with a look that was a mixture of curiosity and happiness and Laura’s breath hitched.

She had been so focused on beating Carmilla at her little game that she hadn't realized how small the booth they were standing in actually was.  Both of them had their backs against a wall and still, there was barely any space between them. Carmilla’s hands were up, holding the headphones against her ears like she was trying to keep any sound from escaping. Their bodies faced each other, while the turntable sat on a small shelf next to them. The only direction moving was even possible, was out of the booth, but for some reason that didn't feel like an option for Laura. She she stood there, inches from Carmilla, drawn her her smile and trying to ignore the quickening thud of her heart in her chest.

Laura swallowed hard when didn't say anything else, but instead dropped one of her hands from the headphones. Laura's back pressed back against the door abruptly, an unconscious flinch at not knowing what Carmilla was doing.

Carmilla noticed.

Because why would she stop noticing everything Laura did at this point?

The excitement she had felt in her chest tightened slightly at the automatic retreat Laura had made at the idea of Carmilla touching her, but she tried to hide the disappointment. She hadn't been moving to touch her, so why would she feel disappointed? Not letting her movements halt, she pulled the cord attached to the headphones out of the player and let the music fill the space in the booth around them. She pulled the headphones off and let them hang around her neck, running a hand through the messy curls before smiling up at Laura again.

Laura had been watching her intently, still trying to figure out her reaction to the music she had chosen. Then Carmilla grabbed the record she had originally been listening to and held it in the small space between them, not saying anything but gesturing for Laura to take it.

Carmilla had been right to think that music could tell you a lot about a person. This was the first time she wasn't sure what it was telling her, though.

Laura grabbed the record and let out a surprised chuckle when she looked at the cover. She had pulled Carmilla’s record off the turn table to replace it with her own, not realizing they were the exact same record.

Interesting, indeed.

 


	7. Music and Lyrics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> music shop and more driving..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently all it takes is a ton of really nice comments and messages to make me keep going :) haha so thanks!
> 
> Also, A lot of you asked what album I had in mind while writing the last chapter and I thought about keeping it to myself and letting you pick infer yourself, but ended up adding it to the story, cause, reasons. It may not be what you would expect and you're fine to imagine it being something else but just roll with me on it and it'll make sense later.

Carmilla was a firm believer that good music wasn't just made. It was felt. It was something that built inside a person before it became too much that it had to find a way to escape, and the only way to do it justice was to come out in strings of notes and melodies. 

No matter what had started it. Excitement escaping quickly and loudly through a low percussion. A flow of keys flowing gently and sweetly. Strings echoing hauntingly slow and sadly. Music was different than words. It said more than they ever could. Words told a story. Music made you feel it. It was powerful, moving, comforting. Together, it could be magical.

Music had always been her escape. Something her mother hated. Maybe that's why she loved it so much. Or at least how it had started. 

 

_"Turn off that noise, Carmilla. You know how it makes my head ache."_

 

It didn't matter what it was. Classical, R&B, new age... Her mother had hated it all. 

She was furious when she found out Carmilla had managed to find a way to take violin lessons from someone in their neighborhood without her knowledge. So furious in fact, she had thrown the borrowed violin into the fireplace and walked away. 11 year old Carmilla simply sat near the fire and watched it turn to ashes. 

That had only encouraged Carmilla to continue.  If music was powerful enough to make her mother react so harshly against it, there was no telling what else it had the power to do. 

And she was right. It _was_ powerful. And with every new instrument she learned to play, _she_ felt more powerful.  

It got easier when she was shipped off to boarding school at 13. She didn't have to be secretive about arranging lessons, and the freedom made her want to learn it all. 

The drums were fun. And there was no better way to get out your frustration and anger than making a lot of noise. The piano was beautiful, it could be as harsh or gentle as you wanted it to be without losing its effect. The guitar was her instrument of choice. It was a little easier to carry around than a drum kit, but it was more than that. It somehow seemed more personal. The tiniest movement of your fingers and the sound would shift. It could offer soft acoustic sounds, or lingering notes amplified by amps and pedals. 

And the cello. When played the right way, could be sexy as hell. 

Music was a language anyone could understand if they took the time to listen. It was the easiest way Carmilla found to express herself. Something she wasn’t good at to begin with.

So as they sat together on the floor just outside the sound booth, Carmilla couldn't help but wonder what it was about this music that had stuck with Laura. When she had challenged her to pick something, she hadn't expected it to be this. Hell, when she had grabbed the record herself, she wasn't sure why. It wasn't her usual go to, but something Laura had said had given her the urge to listen to it. 

At first she had been surprised when it turned out they had grabbed identical records. Then after seeing how absolutely pleased Laura had been at the revelation, Carmilla wondered if there was something more to it than sheer dumb luck. 

She had blamed most of this road trip on just that. Dumb luck. But there were only so many things that could happen before she had to consider it was something more than that. She had never given much thought to fate before, and maybe the music was getting to her, but she was starting to consider there might be an actual reason she was in the situation she was in. Maybe even a reason she was in this situation, with a specific person.

"Oh, wait." Laura opened her eyes and turned her head towards Carmilla, "This it is. This one is my favorite."

Carmilla had already been watching the other girl, simply raising an eyebrow in response to Laura breaking the silence. She wasn't sure she could say anything, caught of guard by the wistful look on Laura’s face. She knew this was the song Laura had picked before she told her. Her face had said it before her words. 

"What?" Laura reached up to tuck some hair behind her ear, feeling slightly nervous at Carmilla's thoughtful stare.  

Carmilla shook her head gently, "Just didn't expect you to be a Beatles girl.” 

Neither girl was sure what to think when they realized they had grabbed the same album. Especially when it was _The Beatles, Abbey Road_. Sure the music shop was small, but there were plenty other options for them to choose from. 

So when Laura had started the record player and the first notes of _Come Together_ started playing, Carmilla had nearly laughed. All she could do was hand over her own copy of the album and try not to smile at the thrilled look on Laura’s face.  

It was hard not to smile when Laura did.  

"You cant make fun. You were listening to the same album.” Laura poked back. She had never considered herself to be a Beatles girl either. Now that she was sitting on the floor, she could think of a handful of other artists that she probably liked more. But for some reason, she had grabbed this record, knowing it gave her the same feeling that she had seen on Carmilla’s face moments before.

Maybe she had played the game wrong and hadn’t actually picked out her absolute favorite. But she had picked this one, and somehow Carmilla had picked it too, and here they were and she was deciding not to question it. 

“Alright.” Carmilla kept her eyes on Laura but relaxed further in the wall, crossing her ankles, “So why this one?” 

As soon as Carmilla had handed over her copy of the album, she unhooked the headphones and let the music fill the booth. No use keeping it to herself when it was clear they would both enjoy it. Plus, besides the kid in a beanie covering his eyes, half asleep at the counter near the door, they were the only ones in the shop. 

So after a few seconds of (not quite awkward, but not quite comfortable) silence, Laura stepped back out of the booth and slid down onto the floor. Carmilla was quick to follow, sliding down the wall to sit on the opposite side of the door as Laura, letting the music escape the booth and filter through the entire store. 

The record kept spinning and they both stayed silent. Laura closed her eyes and rested her head back against the wall while Carmilla stayed silent, stealing glances until the song changed.

 _Something_ started playing and Laura smiled before rolling her head to face Carmilla as she told her this song was why she had grabbed the album in the first place. It wasn't until after she had already said it that she realized Carmilla would no doubt ask why. And she did. 

Laura looked down at her lap and shrugged. 

She knew the reason she had picked this one. And maybe she felt weird about sharing it.

Carmilla saw the hesitance but wasn't going to let it go that easily. Laura had burst into the booth with nothing but surety about her choice, she wasn't going to let her lose that now.

“Well it fits into your dads preferred genre.” Carmilla sighed, obviously disappointed with Laura's lack of willingness to respond. Is this what Laura felt like when she asked Carmilla questions? “So is this just another music choice based off of someone else?”

She knew what had gotten Laura fired up before and figured she'd give it another shot. 

"No." Laura locked her stare on Carmilla. 

She knew what Carmilla was doing. It's what she always did. She pushed buttons, and she was damn good at it, because Laura couldn't even stop herself from explaining despite the shyness of only a moment ago. 

"Look it's probably dumb and not some epic, or even interesting story-" she was rolling her eyes, sure Carmilla's usual smugness would be present and whatever Laura said would be lame to her, but she was wrong. Carmilla just sat there. Listening. 

So she continued. "Dad used to put on music while he made dinner and we waited for mom to come home and, ok sure, maybe it started as his music, but he put this album on one day and mom came home and—" the memory within the story finally hit her and her words were no longer for the sake of winning an argument, but they actually meant something. She had to swallow down a heavy lump in her throat before she continued. "Mom came home and dad just smiled and grabbed her hand and they danced.”

Laura bit the inside of her cheek and shrugged, trying to level out the emotions she hadn't really felt in a while. It was such an old memory, it honestly surprised her what telling it had brought up emotion wise. Almost as surprised as the understanding and almost gentle expression on Carmilla's face as she stayed silent and just listened. 

"Anyway, that was the last time she.." Laura sighed, "the last time I listened to that song." 

Carmilla nodded, her eyebrows coming together slightly. It was obvious there was more of the story, but just as obvious Laura didn't want to share it. 

"I don't know." Laura finally looked back into Carmilla's eyes, "I guess I just saw how happy you looked a minute ago and just tried to remember a time I was that happy when listening to music."

Carmilla felt almost embarrassed realizing that Laura had caught her in a moment she had thought was her own. She had a habit of getting lost in her music, usually welcoming the escape. But this time she had an audience and it hadn't even crossed her mind. 

"Which, by the way." Laura tone changed, curious and teasing, "What made _you_ grab this record?"

Carmilla's near bashful smile turned to a smirk and there was a playful look in her eye as she stood up and stepped back into the booth. She stopped the turn table and carefully pulled the record off, flipping it over and set it back on, readying it to play. She set the needle and as the first notes started to play, she stepped back out and took her spot on the floor. 

'Here comes the sun' started playing and Laura looked over at her skeptically. Carmilla just gave her a crooked half smile and shrugged. 

"Really?" Laura raised an eyebrow.

"It seemed to fit the situation. " 

"Seriously? There's no story? No specific reason that out of all your options you chose to listen to this exact song?" Laura asked, not quite believing it was as simple as Carmilla was treating it. "It's a little more cheerful than I would have guessed for you."

"That's the thing about music." Carmilla shut her eyes and leaned back against the wall, "There doesn't have to be a reason- some epic or interesting story." She repeated Laura's own words, but without a hint of sarcasm or teasing. "Sometimes there is, but sometimes you find music you like and it's as simple as that. You like it. It moves you, speaks to you, or speaks for you."

Laura wanted to argue that Carmilla had wanted a much more detailed answer when she had asked Laura why she chose this record, but she hadn't. She had simply asked why. Offering her the chance to share a story, but she probably would have let her shrug it off with 'I just do'.

The simplicity of Carmilla's explanation made something click and Laura leaned forward, palms pressing into the floor, getting ready to stand. "Can I show you another one?"

Carmilla's eyes opened quickly, her attention moving to the other girl before she nodded. 

Laura was quickly off the floor and headed back through the rows of records, eyes scanning the shelves for what she was looking for. 

Carmilla was probably more excited about Laura's desire to find another record than she should have been, but she couldn't bring herself to care. She couldn't wait to see what else Laura chose and get a glimpse of the girl through music. 

—

"I told you Perr," Laf smiled warmly at the worried woman standing at the window, "they wouldn't leave without us. Or the car."

"I know." She doubted that more than she was going to admit. "I just made it clear we needed to get back on the road and they should have been back by now."

"Maybe Laura is trying to find Carmilla?"

"Or maybe they've killed one another."

Lafontaine couldn't help the loud laughter that escaped their mouth before Perry turned with a worried expression to look at them. "Killed each other?" They laughed again, "I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen."

"What?" Perry shook her head, looking back outside for the two missing girls, "They do nothing but argue and glare at each other. The amount of sighs and eye rolls that have happened today alone is concerning."

Laf just chuckled, "How about we go look for them? I'm sure we can use our deductive reasoning skills to find them fairly quickly."

Gently they took hold of Perry's elbow and led her back outside, scanning the shops lining the street for one that both Laura and Carmilla might end up in. They chose a direction, their footsteps un rushed as they made their way down the sidewalk. 

"Do you think we made a mistake?" Perry asked quietly. "Inviting Carmilla?"

Her words were worrisome but there was a hint of knowing in her voice. It matched the calm of the evening creeping upon them in the small town.

"Do you?" Laf asked with equal surety. 

Perry sighed. No. She didn't think it was a mistake, but it wouldn't keep her from worrying. 

"I know what you're thinking." Laf bumped their shoulder against Perry's gently. "But I think they will be good for each other."

"Do you?" Curiously she looked over at Laf, not missing the thoughtful look on their face.  It was a rarity. Their expressions usually either looking like one of mischief or excitement. "What aren't you telling me?"

"I just think we aught to give her a chance before we count her out." Laf shrugged, "I get the feeling she doesn't get that often."

Perry just smiled at them sweetly, not surprised by their kindness, but proud that it's something about them that had never faltered in all the time she knew them. 

—

Crammed into the small booth together once again, their close proximity the last thing on their minds as they went from one record to the next. Laura had left to find another one and had come back with an entire stack. 

"Come on-" Carmilla scoffed, "you can't tell me you've never even given it a chance?"

"I just don't think I'd like it." Laura shrugged. 

"But how will you know if you don't even try?" Carmilla pushed by Laura to walk out the the booth, placing her hands on Laura's hips to rotate her out of the way. 

Caught up in the excitement of music and conversation, Laura had forgotten how small the booth was until that moment. Warmth lingered where Carmilla's hands had pressed into her even after she was gone and making her way through rows of vinyl. Laura’s eyes followed as Carmilla purposefully but gently flipped through records in search for something.

This afternoon had gone far different than Laura had expected. It had been a shock when conversation had started so simply between them, but felt like the most natural thing in the world when it just never seemed to stop. She wasn't sure how long they had spent in the record shop- long enough to create piles of records outside the door of the small listening booth. Long enough for Carmilla to match Laura in sharing song for song in every genre possible. Long enough for Laura to realize there was music she didn't really care for, and some music that made her feel something indescribable. Long enough to hear Carmilla laugh at Laura's decision to play the Lion King soundtrack, the sound of it more beautiful than any song they had played so far that day.

Long enough to see how completely in love with music Carmilla was. 

Long enough to realize there was so much more to Carmilla than she had ever thought.

"Here." Carmilla was smiling when she handed a record to Laura, "Trust me."

"Alright." Laura sighed almost dramatically. 

Here's the thing, she did trust Carmilla. So far every song Laura had played, Carmilla had some sort of tidbit or fact about the music or the artist or the entire movement surrounding it. At this point Laura was ready to say she didn't like music at all just to watch Carmilla's eyes light up when she told her how preposterous that would be and give her a list of reasons why. 

Here, in this tiny booth, Carmilla was a completely new person. One that Laura _really_ wanted to get to know. 

She was about to ask Carmilla about her choice but when she looked over at her after starting up the turn table, her eyes were already closed, eyebrows slightly pushed together as she waited for the music to start.

It was a single instrument that started to fill the air around them. It was powerful yet gentle and flowed effortlessly from crescendos into softer swells of notes. Laura took the record jacket and turned it over, _[Bach's cello suite in G major](https://youtu.be/DwHpDOWhkGk)_. Carmilla never stopped surprising her.

“What is—“

“Shhh..” Her eyes stayed closed but her hand came out and softly gripped onto Laura’s wrist as she urged her to stay quiet.

The touch was gentle, like how Carmilla had handled the vinyl records that afternoon. Careful, reverent, and Laura found herself wrapped up in how it felt. Her eyes dropped to look at the fingers delicately folded around her wrist as she softened her voice, “Why did—“

“Shhh.” She gave Laura’s wrist another gentle squeeze and left her fingers pressed against warm skin.

Laura went silent. The buzz of fingertips lingering on her wrist almost overpowered the sound of the cello that filled the small sound booth her and Carmilla were sharing. Laura looked up to Carmilla’s face, her eyes closed and a wistful smile on her face. Her expression would shift, just barely with the notes and pulls of the strings. It was like she was part of the music, flowing with it gently, and Laura was quickly mesmerized by it.

Conversation had been so quick and easy up to this moment. Talking about music and artists and memories that came with them. Laughing at terrible tracks and sitting silently through others. But this was the first moment that time seemed to stop and she really took in what was happening around her.

The booth really was no bigger than a phone booth and with both of them standing inside, neither could move without touching the other. The scent of wood, dust and vinyl filled the space, mixing with the smell of the motel shampoo Carmilla had used that morning. Specks of dust sparkled through the air, highlighted from the sun shining through the large windows at the front of the shop. The sounds of the music filled the small space, echoing off the walls and vibrating through the small table the turntable sat atop. Carmilla’s fingers still lingered on Laura’s skin, its touch sending a chill through her, the hairs on her arm starting to stand.

The song played on, Carmilla still completely content to just listen to it silently, and Laura doing her best to stay just as silent. It was getting harder as the seconds went on. With everything around them being so still, it was impossible for Laura not to pay attention to Carmilla.

If she was being honest, it had always been difficult not to pay attention to her. This time, though, it was different.

It wasn't spurred on by annoyance or curiosity. Carmilla wasn't pushing her buttons or evading questions. It was the most open and easy things had been this entire time. She was being nice, funny even. She got excited over the sounds of instruments and flow of lyrics. She knew the history behind it and seemed to know _something_ about every genre possible. It was a glimpse into her mind- and then suddenly it became a glimpse into her feelings.

Music had never been the lifeline that it was to Carmilla, that much was clear. But seeing how powerful it was to Carmilla, changed the way Laura thought about it entirely.

From the first song she chose- _Something_ , and the happy memory that was attached to it. To the song that Carmilla had just chosen, something new and probably something she would never choose to listen to on her own. Here she was, trapped in this moment, mesmerized by the way it made Carmilla soften, and the way it made her own lips turn to a smile.

So there she stood. Music reverberating around her, feeling lightheaded at the soft sounds and even softer grip on her wrist. Wondering when Carmilla had become this person and how so quickly she wanted to know everything about her. And not to satisfy some broad curiosity, but because she couldn't imagine _not_ knowing everything about her. but right now the only thing she did know was Carmilla’s hand was still on her arm, pressing into scorching skin and she hoped the song would never end.

Her focus on Carmilla’s hand caused Laura to notice something she probably otherwise wouldn't have. Her fingers were moving. Just barely. At first there didn't seem to be any pattern to it. It wasn't on beat, it was much quicker. Then she made the connection, her fingers pressed gently in the pattern that fingers on frets would make.

“So?”

Laura’s focus had been on Carmilla’s hand, she hadn't even noticed the song had ended and the next was beginning to play. Carmilla casually dropped her hand and Laura pulled in a breath at the absence of warmth before shaking her head.

“Yeah, no, it was, it was good.” Ok. So. In the time it took for a 2 minute and 43 second track to play. One instrument. One song. Laura had completely gotten lost in it and had discovered feelings she didn't even know were there. Maybe music was more powerful than she thought. And maybe she was more than just _curious_ about Carmilla.

Carmilla chuckled at the response, “Its ok if you didn't like it. Its not for everyone.”

Laura shook her head harder, “No, really. It was beautiful.”

Carmilla smiled warmly, her voice soft when she spoke, “It is.”

It was a smile Laura had never seen before. This place made everything about Carmilla softer. She had spent days trying to tear down walls and somehow, here, its like they never existed. But she knew that it probably wouldn't last forever and it could end as quickly as it began.

“I have to say,” Laura smiled back, “from the sounds blaring from your headphones while we drive, I wouldn't have guessed _this_ would be one of your favorite.” She gestured to the turntable, record still spinning, music still playing.

Carmilla’s smile turned to a smirk without a beat and she reached for the player, shutting it off. “The Bach cello suites are considered to be among the most profound of all classical music works.” She pulled the record off and gently placed it back in its case. “Once described as ‘monophonic music wherein a man has created a dance of God’."

Laura stepped out of the booth, used to the unspoken system that had begun earlier that afternoon. Their time sitting on the floor had been short, switching records in and out often enough that they squished together in the booth to listen, before trading places to find the next one. Carmilla set it down on a stack outside the door before turning around to look at Laura.

“I have this theory.” She started, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning her shoulder against the frame of the booth. “There are two kinds of people in the world. Lyric people and music people.”

Laura felt like it was in her best interest to stay silent, like in the booth moments ago. So she did the same as Carmilla. Crossed her arms and leaned against the wall, waiting for her to continue.

“The lyric people, they tend to be analytical. All about the meaning if the song. They are the ones that play it over any over until they know every word, then think about what each word means and who they are being sung to.” Her eyes fell to the piles next to the booth. One was Laura’s, the other Carmilla’s, the differences obvious and similarities surprising. “Then theres the music people. Who couldn't care less about the lyrics as long as its got a good beat to dance too.”

Carmilla pulled in a heavy breath and pushed herself off the wall. “Sometimes I think it might be easier to be a music girl and not a lyric girl. But I’m not.”

Laura raised an eyebrow, not missing the fact that the last song she played had no lyrics at all, yet she was completely lost in it.

Carmilla smiled, knowing what Laura was thinking and tilted her head thoughtfully. “I’m a lyric girl. Always have been. But sometimes its nice to not have to depend on the words. As much as I love the lyrics, sometimes words confuse the real meaning.”

The silence hung around them, thick with questions and thoughts that would probably never be spoken. It was the first time music hadn't filled the background and Laura understood completely what Carmilla was saying. She had always been someone who loved words. Writing, reading, explanations and stories. But in this moment there wasn't a single word that could describe the feeling that hung between them. 

It made her uncomfortable and excited all at the same time. Finally getting a glimpse of the mysterious girl that had been thrust into her life. And Carmilla was looking at her like she was seeing something new, too. 

It was possible this would be a turning point. A shift in whatever back and forth game they had been stuck in. Maybe from now on, it would only move forward. 

"What other favorites do you have?" Laura asked quietly. It felt weird to break the silence, but a sense of urgency, a desire not to miss this chance to know more pushed the words out of her mouth. 

Carmilla let out a breathy chuckle. "We don't have time."

"Come on." Laura smiled, "you've been countering all my choices so far, you have to give me the chance to do the same."

Carmilla raised an eyebrow,  offering her a half smile, "Alright." She nodded with a thoughtful look, "How about Carole King?"

Laura just shrugged and shook her head. 

"You don't know who-" Carmilla stopped herself, her eyes looking up towards the ceiling like she was trying to remember something before looking back to Laura and singing one of her more known choruses, " _It's too late baby, oh it's too late._ "

Laura's jaw dropped slightly as her eyebrows rose. _What?!_

"Or how about Cheap Trick?" Laura's bemused look didn't even phase her, singing out another recognizable line " _I want you to want me_." 

It didn't stop there--

"Ben E King,   _So darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh stand by me.._

“Elvis Costello, _She may be the face I can't forget, The trace of pleasure or regret.._

“Florence and the Machine, _And the arms of the ocean are carrying me, And all this devotion was rushing out of me, And the crashes are heaven for a sinner like me..”_

Carmilla had thoughtlessly been trying to just help Laura recognize their work, knowing that she would probably know the sounds of the song better than their names. She wasn't trying to show off or impress her, in fact, after singing more than just one line of the last song she mentioned she started to feel self conscious, something rather foreign to her. 

Laura had no intention of stopping her. Hell, she'd probably let her sing the phone book if Carmilla wanted to because she had no idea Carmilla could sing but as soon as she did, she really didn't want her to stop. She should have known, really. Carmilla had always looked like she wasn't just listening to the music. There had always been more to it. 

"There you guys are!" 

Carmilla and Laura both jumped in surprise, turning towards the voice that had impeccable timing. 

"What are you guys doing?" Laf asked, walking through a row of records, "we were supposed to meet over 30 minutes ago. Perry’s been worried sick.”

"Oh my gosh." Laura breathed out, trying to pull herself out of the cloud of haze she had been in with Carmilla, "I'm so sorry, we just, got distracted."

Laf finally got near enough to see the piles of records on the ground, "Apparently."

Carmilla and Laura shared a look, Laura offered a small smile to which Carmilla actually returned before walking away towards the wall of instruments. 

"Did you find something for your dad?" Laf asked, bending over to look at the piles more closely. 

"Uh, yeah, I think so." Laura stammered, her eyes following Carmilla before bending over and grabbing the first record within reach. "Here we are." 

Laf looked at her with a skeptical grin, "Lion King?"

Laura looked down at the record, her cheeks pinking when she heard Carmilla chuckle from across the store. _What did everyone have against Lion King?_

"What's wrong with Lion king?" She asked loud enough for Carmilla to hear. 

“Nothing.” Laf shrugged, “Just not the ‘cool old record’ I imagined you getting for him.”

Laura just smiled, “You’re probably right.”

Perry came walking through the door with a tight lipped smile. “Oh good, you found them.”

“Sorry Perry.” Laura called out, “we lost track of time.”

“Its fine.” Perry nodded curtly, “I accounted for your tendency to get distracted. But we really should get going.”

Laura scoffed at the comment but couldn't help but smile too. Perry was right. It was a bad habit. One that had gotten much worse since including Carmilla in their journey. Even though Perry was clearly in a rush to get back on the road, Laura found herself casually walking over towards the wall of instruments where Carmilla stood silently.

“Do you play?” 

“What?” Carmilla turned and just looked at Laura blankly. 

"An instrument." Laura clarified, "do you play any instruments?" She should have noticed it before, when Carmilla had her hand around her wrist she had been putting pressure on her fingertips, like she was playing along with the music. 

“You play.” Laura smiled this time when she said it, her smile growing wider when Carmilla swallowed nervously. "What do you play?!" She asked excitedly, ignoring Carmilla's slightly panicked look. 

"I don't." Carmilla replied quickly. 

Laura's smile dropped sightly as she narrowed her eyes, challenging Carmilla’s statement.

Carmilla knew Laura hadn't bought it. And that she had lied. The second fact bothering her more than the first. "I mean, I don’t play for anyone, but myself."

"Oh." Laura nodded, trying to hide her disappointment. After hearing Carmilla sing, even just the tiniest bit, she was sure whatever she played would probably be just as beautiful. “Ok.”

It was true. Carmilla had a love for music she hadn't bothered to hide, but it was different when she was the one playing it. After watching a violin burn to ashes, Carmilla had always kept that part to herself. She had fallen in love with music, the way it felt, the freedom and power it gave her, but that was hers. She had never cared to share it with anyone else before. Not her mother. Not even Ell. It was nothing against Laura, she hadn't regretted spending the afternoon talking and sharing music with her— but playing for her would have been different. 

“We should probably get going.” Carmilla pointed to where Laf and Perry were waiting by the door, talking quietly to one another.

“Probably.” Laura responded but didn't bother to move. 

Her and Carmilla stood there another moment, both completely aware that what had happened that afternoon had been _something_ , but it was possible it was about to end. Walking out that door would change things just as walking in had. Reluctantly they headed for the door together before Laura remembered she had come here for a reason in the first place.

“I uh, just need a second.” Laura lifted up the record, “Gotta pay.”

“Sticking with Lion King huh?” Carmilla teased before continuing her way towards the door and stepping outside alone.

She chuckled to herself once she was on the sidewalk, glancing around the small town and shaking her head. Whatever had happened that afternoon, surprised her, but she was glad for it. She had been so stuck in her head about everything that had happened and what was going to happen. Taking a second to just relax made her feel immensely better. And the fact that Laura had been there, and somehow made it better, hadn't gone unnoticed.

“Carmilla Karnstein.”

Carmilla spun around quickly. It didn't matter that her name was said in a happy sing song voice. Hearing her full name usually came with something else. A request. An insult. An expectation.

“Woah, you okay?” Laf followed up as they looked behind them to make sure the door to the shop had closed before they stepped up next to Carmilla on the sidewalk.

Carmilla clenched her jaw. Whatever feeling she had earlier was more fleeting than she knew. Replaced with anxiety and a slight twinge of anger. “What do you want?”

Laf looked taken back by the coldness in Carmilla’s voice and shook their head, “Nothing.”

Carmilla scoffed, glancing at the door to make sure they would be alone a while longer, “I know you know who I am.” She paused, but Laf didn't even try to argue with her. “So what do you want? Why haven't you said anything?”

Laf shrugged, looking a mixture of guilty and hurt. “I haven't said anything because I wanted to…” They looked thoughtful as they paused, narrowing their eyes at Carmilla. “I do want something, actually.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes, shifting her weight and crossing her arms over her chest.

“I want to know what you’re doing.” Laf said with a shrug.

“Wait. What?” Carmilla turned to look at them slightly confused.

“Look. I do know who you are but I don’t know why you’re trying to keep it a secret.” Laf just watched her for a second, clearly she hadn't expected that question. “Laura likes you. We all do. But I don’t know your angle and I’ve stayed quiet so I could ask you before telling the others. So what is it? Why so secretive and why are you even with us?”

Carmilla was still silent as she dropped her arms to her side. She wasn't sure what she expected Laf to ask, but it wasn't that.

“It hasn't escaped me that you paid for our lunch, and gas earlier today when Laura went into the gas station.” They continued with an amused chuckle, “You even gave me cash for the hotel last night. That you didn't even sleep in. If you wanted to get away from us, you could. But you haven’t. Even though you act like you really want to. I don’t get it. And I don’t like when I don’t get things.”

Carmilla waited for more but it never came. Lafontaine really just wanted answers. They weren't after money, or a foot in the door, or anything else. It was fair, she knew it as she let out a heavy sigh and nodded towards the car, inviting them to walk with her.

“Honestly. I have no idea.” Carmilla started frankly, glancing towards Laf who had fallen in line next to her. “Thats not true.” She shook her head, “I didn't have any idea, but, that changed.”

Laf just watched her, waiting for more.

“Have you ever just, wanted a clean slate? Be someone that no one knows so you can be whoever you want to be? No expectations or ideas of who you’re supposed to be?” Carmilla sighed, “I've never had that. Then his mess happened and I was just Carmilla.” She watched them, looking for a response. anger, pity, something. "If you know who I am you must know I don't get that chance often."

Laf understood. Probably more than the average person. Trying to be someone when everyone around you wants you to be someone different. “Your last name wouldn't matter to us. It wouldn't change anything.”

“I’ve heard that before.” Carmilla laughed, humorlessly. In her experience, it had _always_ changed things.

They were standing at the car already and Laura and Perry were making their way over with smiles on their faces.

“It wont stay a secret forever.” Laf said quietly, “If you plan on sticking around, then it shouldn’t. And if its a game, you should stop playing with people before someone gets hurt.”

Carmilla didn't have time to argue with Laf’s last statement before the other girls were already there talking about the next stop and what kind of food to watch for for dinner. When Laura bumped into her shoulder and asked if she was ready to go, all she could do was hiss at the ache in her shoulder and glare at Laura half heartedly.

When Laura chuckled out a ‘oops, sorry’, before climbing in the car, Carmilla just stood there unsure of what to do.

——

It was strange, to go from constant conversation, smiles and smirks to the silence that happened as soon as they were in the car. Laura wasn't exactly sure what had happened earlier to cause Carmilla to be so… _nice_. But she wished she knew so she could make it happen again. Maybe it was the music, maybe it was being out of the car, whatever it was, she was glad for it. Because even though Carmilla was staring out the window with her headphones in her ears again, something still felt different.

Or maybe Laura was seeing her differently now. Carmilla had been a closed book. All riddles and unanswered questions. A puzzle Laura was desperate to piece together. Then suddenly she wasn’t. She was open and talkative and _warm_. Even if it was just about music, and not about herself, it still felt like Laura was actually getting to know her.

It was another side of her that Laura hadn't seen yet. Making her want to see more.

She had seen the smart, educated side. Witty, clever and funny side. Annoying, antagonizing and teasing side. But now there was this passionate, excited, unguarded side. That came with moments of gentleness as she handled the vinyl records or quietly shushed Laura to listen, or touched her as gently as the notes echoing around them. It came with understanding and absolutely no pity when Laura had shared personal stories, struggling to push down emotions. It came with warm smiles and _magic_ sparking when she listened to something that touched her. 

There was more to this girl than dark clothing and a bad attitude. Laura just didn't know why she was so hesitant to let that show.

Laura reached over, pausing just before her hand touched Carmilla's and just hovered there for a second. The afternoon had left her just as confused as it had cleared her mind and she wasn't sure what her motives were at his point. 

Or maybe she always knew and just didn't want to admit it.

Laf drove over a pothole and the car bounced abruptly, forcing Laura's hand to hit against Carmilla's arm. 

Laura had intended on getting her attention but she hadn't been sure of her plan, which is what stopped her in the first place. Now, plan or not, Carmilla was turning to look at her.

"What are you listening to?"

Deciding music was just about the only thing proven to be an acceptable conversation topic, that's what she went with.  

Carmilla pulled an earbud out of her ear and raised an eyebrow, silently asking for Laura to repeat herself.  

She chuckled nervously before gesturing to the headphones, "Anything interesting?"

Carmilla looked thoughtful for a moment, like she as trying to make a decision before her lips twitched up into a half smile, "It's not One Direction so you probably wouldn't be interested." 

Laf snorted from the drivers seat, causing both girls to glance forward momentarily. 

Laura rolled her eyes and shook her head before shifting to face Carmilla better, "I don't even like One Direction."

"Wow." Carmilla shifted, turning so her back was against the door, one leg bent and pulled up on the seat between them. "What happened to you? A few hours ago you were all, _'I'll listen to anything_ '. Now you're a music snob? Too good for One Direction?”

Laura scoffed, unable to hide her smile, "Maybe no one had ever really asked me what I wanted to listen to before." 

“Hmm.” She hummed in response.

Carmilla hadn't forgotten what Laf had said. She _had_ been playing a game. Pushing buttons and purposefully leaving Laura flustered and frustrated. Looking across the back seat at Laura's warm smile and bright eyes, Carmilla realized it had stopped being a game. She didn't know when, but she was no longer being careful about what she said and flirting in an effort to mess with her. It was simply happening now because she couldn't help it. 

She liked the way Laura's eyes smiled before her lips. The way her cheeks pinked. The way she knew she had won when Laura ducked her head and tucked her hair behind her ear. 

But she wasn't winning some game anymore. She was winning a swoop in her stomach and a smile on her own face. 

So when she spoke again, she knew it wasn't completely fair. 

"Want to listen?"

Because even though it wasn't quite the game it had started as, Laura still didn't know who she was sliding across the seat to sit next to. She didn't know who she was taking an earbud from, who she was smiling at when she stuck it in her ear, keeping her head close enough not to pull the other bud from Carmilla's ear. 

She didn't know what it meant. How could she, when Carmilla didn't?

—

It was a harmless crush. 

 _Harmless_. 

The butterflies in her stomach that erupted in a fit when Carmilla held an earbud out for her made the crush part very clear. Laura was just kind of hoping the harmless part was right too.

Because she knew it was silly. They had known each other a total of what, 3, almost 4 days? And most of that time Carmilla had been a complete ass. She would have rolled her eyes at herself for how quickly she went from being annoyed with the girl to completely mesmerized by her if she wasn't so busy willing her heart rate to calm down as she unbuckled and slid to the middle of the seat and right next to Carmilla. 

It wasn't really working. 

She had to bite her lip to conceal her smile as she stuck the bud in her ear, leaning her head close to Carmilla's so she wouldn't pull the other bud away from her ear. 

Surprised by the mellow tune flowing through the earbud she glanced at Carmilla's phone, thoughtlessly pressing the home button to see who they were listening to. 

When the cracked screen lit up to a list of notifications, missed calls and unopened texts, it pulled Laura back to the reality of the situation. 

This wasn't going to last forever. Carmilla had a life outside of this car, and most of it was still a mystery. Even if Laura felt like on some level she was starting to get to know her. When it came down to it, she didn't know much more than she did when this all started. She wasn't sure she ever would know more. Carmilla insisted she had no one, but the notifications said otherwise. Laura couldn't help but worry there was a lot more Carmilla was keeping a secret or even lying about. 

When the screen locked, Laura looked up to Carmilla apologetically but was met with an unreadable expression. They stayed silent as the sounds of Classical instrumentsbled through their shared headphones before Carmilla turned to look back out the window. 

Something was off. Laura knew it the second they got back in the car. Carmilla wasn't back to her completely closed off and cold self, but she was different than how they were in the music shop and Laura had no clue why. When she glanced forward she noticed Laf watching them in the mirror still. They looked back to the road quickly and it left Laura wondering if something had happened in the few minutes Carmilla and Laf had been alone. 

—

God, her head was heavy.  She was trying to hold it up, really she was. But the slow melody in her left ear and the steady vibration of the car was making it hard. She felt her head fall forward, abruptly snapping it back up as she struggled to open her eyes.

They had been driving for just over 90 minutes and her decision to share her headphones instead of talk seemed like a good idea at the time. Because talking to Laura was getting easier, and the more she found out about the other girl, the more she actually liked her. Which is exactly the opposite of what she was trying to do. 

But sharing headphones meant Laura had moved closer, sitting right next to her instead of on the opposite side of the car. It meant when Laura hummed along to the song, no matter how quietly, Carmilla could feel the vibration subtlety seep into her space. It meant that when Laura had been pulled into the same feeling of exhaustion and let her eyes close, her body slowly started to melt towards the only form of support there was; Carmilla. 

"How much longer?" Carmilla whispered, looking at the clock then out the front window. 

The sky was starting to fade from blue to a darker shade. She wasn't sure if it was from the sun slowly dropping or the dark storm clouds they were approaching. 

"Not long." Laf replied quietly, glancing at a sleeping Perry in the passenger seat. "Another 30 minutes or so then we are done for the day."

"It's only 5:30." Carmilla said through a yawn. They had been driving most of the day, but it still felt like they hadn't packed quite as much in as usual.

"Perry wanted to turn in early tonight." Laf shrugged, "I guess tomorrow's first stop is making us leave pretty early."

Carmilla just nodded and looked back out the window. She was glad to be stopping soon, feeling overly tired for mostly doing absolutely nothing that day. Besides the stop for lunch and the couple hours spent in the town, they had spent the entire day in the car. 

She was also grateful they would be getting out of the car soon. The more tired she got the more she noticed small things about the girl sleeping next to her and stupid ideas seemed less stupid. 

Somehow Laura had managed to stay upright, even though her head was ducked forward and bobbing with the movements of the car. 

It had to be uncomfortable. 

Those stupid ideas of Carmilla's included somehow getting Laura to lean on her instead of straining her neck in the awkward position she was in. Another was tucking Laura’s hair behind her ear so Carmilla could have a better view of her face. 

She didn't even know why she was having those thoughts. She had already decided to keep her distance- in every sense of the word- so she wouldn't confuse things further. That being her own feelings or someone else's expectations. Following through with either of those ideas would be the exact opposite of keeping distance. 

She was usually so good at shutting down the emotional side of things. Seeing people as momentary presence in her life. Meeting a need or fleeting desire, but never being more than that. Except that wasn't true. She had let someone be more than that, and perhaps that was the problem. 

She had done this before. Opened herself up and let herself feel. It never turned out the way she hoped. It always left her only aching. 

She had thought she loved Ell, but she knew better. It wasn't love. It was filling a space that was so empty she ached. She had never felt safe, at home. 

Ell had somehow become more than fleeting. Ell needed her. More than that, she chose her. And it made Carmilla feel special. 

Only, that wasn't the truth. 

Ell chose what Carmilla could offer her, took advantage of the obvious desire Carmilla had cor connection, and Carmilla had ignored that. She fooled herself into thinking that no matter the reason, she had been chosen and that could fill the emptiness in the sinews of her heart. 

It hadn't. It had left her broken open, bleeding with emotions she didn't know what to do with. Not from losing Ell, but from how broken she would have had to be in the beginning, to accept something she knew wasn't real in an effort to shield the feeling of being unwanted and unloved.

And that was the problem wasn't it? The emotions. Because now she knew she wanted to love. She wanted to _be_ loved. But felt like she wasn't allowed. Wasn't worthy or maybe like it wasn't meant for her. She had tried and had been used instead. It was the same all her life. People never wanted her, they wanted what what she could do for them.

She had been afraid before, and knew better now. 

But then there was Laura. Her body slowly melting into Carmilla's side as she fell further into sleep and all she had ever wanted from Carmilla was to know her.  

Maybe that's what made it hard. It was the opposite of Ell. Ell had known her from the second they met and knew exactly how to get what she wanted. 

Laura knew nothing. And didn't want anything. It was a relief to be no one. To have Laura think there was nothing she could offer her. Knowing Laura's motives were pure.  

It also felt too good to be true. 

It felt like lying. 

It felt freeing.

It felt suffocating.  

It was secrets and unanswered questions for her own peace of mind. But Laura had been open, honest, everything Carmilla hadn't been. And that's what made it unfair. 

But Carmilla wasn't ready to be Carmilla Karnstein again. Not yet. And she wasn't ready to have to question everything Laura did when she found out the truth. After that afternoon it felt like there may be a chance for things to be more than a game. She wasn't sure at first. It was strange to have someone be so kind to her without the promise of getting something in return. From the hospital to offering a ride to every tiny thing that had happened since. 

Laf had been right, though. Secrets always come out. And games usually end with a winner and a loser.

Laura shifted in the seat next to Carmilla, their sides pressing together firmly after what felt like an eternity of waiting for it to happen. Laura sighed, still sleeping, as her head found Carmilla's shoulder and nuzzled momentarily before finding a comfortable position and going still. 

Carmilla was holding her breath when she noticed Laf’s wary look in the rear view mirror. Unlike the last time that she found herself in this position, Carmilla didn't move. Her body made an effort to both soften and stay still for Laura and she knew she was in trouble. 

It had started as a game, but that wasn't the case anymore. And despite Laf’s words from earlier and their worry for Laura, Carmilla knew it was her that was in danger of getting hurt. Not the other way around. 

—

When Carmilla opened her eyes the car wasn't moving. The front seat was also empty and her cheek was resting gently on top of Laura’s head. It took her a second to put it together that they had arrived at their stop for the night and Laf and Perry had already left the car for the room. She wasn't sure how long they had been there— long enough for Laura to burrow further into Carmilla and wrap her hand around Carmilla’s arm gently.

As she sat up she felt a pull in her shoulder, still stiff and sore, but it was nothing compared to the pull in her chest when she couldn't decide what to do. She wanted to be gentle with Laura, wake her slowly and lead her to the room for the night but she knew she nicer she was, the harder it would be to stay detached. So she made sure she was sitting up straight before she cleared her throat loudly, enough to wake the sleeping girl on her shoulder.

Laura sat up slowly, her eyes blinking at the same tired pace.

“You're on my arm.” Carmilla muttered, trying to sound annoyed. It lacked her usual bite.

“Sorry.” Laura yawned as she sat up further. She didn't remember falling asleep, or nuzzling quite so close to Carmilla and felt her cheeks pink in embarrassment. She tried to casually push herself across the seat a bit as she looked around. “Where are we?”

“No idea.” Carmilla didn't look at her as she unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door to climb out.

Laura didn't know whether to apologize again or just let it go. Carmilla wasn't being mean, exactly, but she wasn't being nice either. Laura's neck hurt, and it wasn't just from the awkward angle she had been sleeping in. It was giving her whiplash trying to keep up with Carmilla and her ever changing moods. 

She decided to cut the confusion short and just call Laf, moving slowly across the seat towards the open door as her phone rang. Instead of answering the phone, Laf poked their head out of a door with a wide smile.

“You’re alive!” They grinned before stepping out, hands on their hips, “We got Chinese.”

Laura climbed out, shutting the car door behind her, “Why didn't you wake us?”

“Cause you were both just too gosh darn adorable.” They said in a mocking tone, tossing the car keys to Carmilla, “But not adorable enough for us to bring your bags in. They are still in the trunk.”

Carmilla caught the keys, still frowning, possibly just not quite awake or maybe not sure how to accomplish being mean and nice at the same time. She didn't say anything. Silence. Silence would probably be her friend for a while, until she figured out how to handle this whole situation.

Laura followed her to the back of the car, grabbing her own bag before Carmilla shut the trunk and headed towards the door Laf had left open for them. When the pair walked in, Perry had a towel spread out across the bed with multiple food containers sitting on top.

“Oh thank heavens, I’m starving.” Laura dropped her bag just inside the door before kicking her shoes off and making a beeline to the food. She grabbed an egg roll and quickly took a bite, moaning a little in delight.

Yeah. Silence. Carmilla wished everyone would follow her example and just not talk. Or moan. 

Carmilla was halfway through a plate of food when she felt the familiar vibration of her phone. She had been ignoring it as much as possible, glad for the spotty service while they drove and the distraction of sheer stupidity when they made their stops.  But even she could admit she couldn't ignore it forever. 

Mattie's name lit up the screen and she couldn't help but feel relieved it wasn't her mother, even if she wasn't too keen on talking to Mattie either. 

"We will need to leave early to make our first stop tomorrow." Perry spoke up, wiping her mouth gently with a napkin. "We got most of the long driving out of the way today and should have a lot more fun then next few days."

"Awesome." Laf mumble around a mouthful of food, "what's on our to do list?"

Perry bounced on the mattress a little, a smile spreading across her face, "lots of really exciting things." She clapped her hands together before pulling out her typed up itinerary.

"Out of curiosity," Carmilla spoke up, all eyes turning to look at her as she reached for one of the containers, "did anyone else contribute to your exciting list of pit stops?" Her chopsticks dug into the container of noodles, not bothering to put them on her plate before shoving them in her mouth.

Perry looked confused before frowning a little, looking down at the paper in her hand, "Was there something you wanted to add to the list?"

"Not particularly." She didn't bother looking up.

Laura wasn't sure what Carmilla was trying to do but it made her feel uneasy none the less. "I asked perry to make a plan." Carmilla's silence made her continue, "no one has better organizing skills." Perry smiled, Carmilla didn't react. "Plus she knows us well enough to include stuff we all like." 

She wasn't sure why she felt so desperate to defend her choice to have Perry plan just about everything. She was telling the truth. Perry was a master planner, an even better executer, and knew them all well enough to know what stops would interest them. What did it matter if they were just along for the ride?

"Sounds like the perfect plan." Carmilla licked her lips and stood up, tossing her plate into the small wastebasket near the door and picking up her bag. 

"Where are you going?" Laura asked, once again feeling the effects of mental whiplash. 

"I don't know if you noticed," Carmilla drawled casually, turning to face the three slightly confused faces looking at her, "but I hadn't exactly planned on more than a few days on the road." She lifted her bag slightly, "Can I take myself to the laundromat down the road, or do I need to make sure it was Perry's idea first?"

Laura wasn't sure why she felt so insulted. Carmilla's tone was calm and a little sarcastic but not mean. It didn't seem like she was trying to start an argument, or even make anyone mad. She was just doing what she always did. Making smart ass comments that were true enough that no one couldn't really argue with but made you want to. 

"Great." She nodded once at the silence, threw her bag over her good shoulder and turned towards the door. "Don't wait up."

Laura sighed as the door shut behind Carmilla. She thought they had made so much progress, and just like that, it felt like nothing had changed. 

"Geez." Laf chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, "who peed in her fried rice?"

Laura smiled while Perry grimaced. For whatever confusion Carmilla caused in her, Laura was really glad to have the other two around. Who cared what Carmilla thought? Why change something that worked? 

——

After throwing nearly the entire contents of her duffle bag into one of the large washing machines, Carmilla glanced around the empty laundromat then kicked off her boots. She added her socks to the pile in the machine before stripping off her pants and throwing them in as well. The place was empty and it made sense to wash everything while she could. Even if that meant hanging out in her t-shirt and boyshorts. 

It had started as an excuse to get out of the motel room and call Mattie back, but when she realized she was wearing her last pair of clean underwear, it made sense to commit to the excuse and actually do her laundry. She spotted the small box attached to the wall that held individual packets of laundry soap, but instead of paying for it like a normal person, Carmilla managed to pry it open with a pen she found on the floor and steal a packet, throwing it in the washing machine before starting it up. She tossed her now mostly empty bag on the counter before hopping up to sit next to it.

She didn't bother to listen to her messages before calling Mattie. Whatever they said, Mattie would surely repeat anyway.

“So you _are_ alive.” 

Carmilla chuckled and leaned back against the wall. “Hello to you too, Mattie.”

“You know I’ve been calling you for 3 days.” Mattie didn't sound happy, but she spoke like she expected nothing less from Carmilla.

“And now you’ve got me.” Carmilla crossed an arm over her stomach, letting her other elbow rest on it as she held the phone to her ear. “So lets hear it. What do you want?”

Mattie sighed heavily and Carmilla could imagine her pursing her lips together tightly as she chose her words carefully. Mattie was all strategy. She was level headed and smart. Always had control over her emotions and knew how to manipulate other people into getting what she wanted. Except when it came to Carmilla. Somehow, Carmilla’s apathy to just about everything made it difficult for Mattie to play her. Which only made her try harder. 

“You do realize you have a job to be doing, don’t you?”

Carmilla shrugged to herself, “I quit.”

A laugh bellowed through the phone. 

It was a stupid excuse, she knew it would never work but she had the upper hand. She was in the middle of nowhere, she didn't even know the name of the town they had stopped in. Essentially, she was lost, and no matter how much nagging was about to happen, it would be very hard for Mattie to actually enforce anything.

“You cant quit.” The enunciation on the end of the word ‘quit’ gave away the hint of annoyance Mattie must have been feeling, “You don’t have that luxury. Or that choice. Your latest placement was temporary to begin with and we are running out of time.” A deep breath, then “Where are you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Carmilla.”

“Honest.” Carmilla was grateful she hadn't paid attention. As much as she hated the overbearing management of just about every aspect of her life, she knew Mattie was only doing her job and didn't enjoy making it hard on her. Most of the time. “I’m… in a laundromat.”

“What on earth are you doing in a laundromat?” Mattie seemed disgusted by the idea. Probably for the fact that most of her clothes required dry cleaning and the idea of washing her clothes in machines that were used by the general public was just… not okay.

“I’m learning the ins and outs of landscape architecture.” Carmilla rolled her eyes, “What do you think I’m doing? I’m washing my clothes.”

“Can you please tell me where you are so I can send a car?” Mattie ignored the sarcasm in Carmilla’s answer, clearly on a mission to get her back.

“Mattie, come on.” Carmilla sighed, looking down at her bag. “You now what happened, don’t you?”

Her life had been one she never had much control over. Sure, she did her best to maintain some individuality through it all— taking a stand when she knew she had a chance of winning and not making things easy for the people trying to control her. But that didn't make the reality of what was going on easy. She had walked out on a life she was used to. Leaving Ell had been easy— the realization that it had all been a lie and that she had been used, not so much.

Now her life had been reduced to what she had thrown in her bag. Only delaying the inevitable, traveling across the country with strangers. Strangers that were chipping away at her icy exterior no matter how hard she tried to fight it. Strangers that were dangerously close to proving her wrong in her ideas that people were never what you think they are, always wanting something from you then leaving you when you’re no longer useful.

And honestly, she _wanted_ them to prove her wrong. Because for however guarded she was, she wanted to be more than a pawn. More than an object to help other people get what they wanted. She wanted to be a person, with relationships that were more than just _necessary_. She wanted something to be real. And with every day she stayed with these _strangers_ (at this point she knew they were more than that, but it still wasn't easy to define), she would push and challenge, and they continued to rise to the occasion. Treating her kind no matter what she did. The more she pushed, the more they proved she didn't have to.

“We can talk about it when you get home.” Mattie voice was more understanding now. Possibly grasping that it hadn't just been an act of rebellion, but something more that had made Carmilla leave.

“Can I just have some time?” Carmilla tried not to sound desperate, but thats what she was. She didn't want to go back to the life she had been living. “I’m fine. Just… give me two weeks. Then…” She sighed, not wanting to give up her freedom entirely in the matter of one spoken sentence. 

“Two weeks?” Mattie scoffed, “What am I supposed to tell everyone? Your mother?”

“Tell them whatever you want.” Carmilla knew she as winning, “Tell them just like I’ve been exploring different avenues within the company that, that I’m taking time to educate myself in other areas that aren't directly within the home office.” Yeah, that was sellable. “You’re smart, you’ll convince them.”

The line was silent and Carmilla knew Mattie was either rolling her eyes and about to agree, or she was tracking her phone and a helicopter would be there to get her before the phone call was over.

“Fine.” Mattie said with no effort to hide her exasperation. “I wont promise two weeks, but I’ll see what I can do.”

Carmilla couldn't help but smile at that. Pantsless in a town she didn't know the name of with people she wasn't sure if she liked or hated- She was actually getting something she had wanted for her entire life. A little bit of freedom. 

“Thank you, Mattie.”

“Don’t thank me yet, you little monster.” Mattie couldn't hide the affection in her voice even though Carmilla knew she was probably regretting her decision already. “You know this wont be easy. You have responsibilities. You cant just run away from them.”

“I’ll call you in a few days.” Carmilla didn't want to talk about her responsibilities. Or whether she was running from them, or towards something else. She waited for Mattie to say goodbye before hanging up and hopping down off the counter.

As she threw her wet clothes into the dryer she realized this was the first time in her life she didn't have to answer to anyone. No schedule to keep or expectation to live up to. No one telling her what to do or where to be. No sneaking out only to be dragged back home before she got to enjoy it. She was just a random person in a laundromat in a town where no one knew who she was.

Which only added to her surety that she couldn't let Laura or the others get to know her. Not really. Because as soon as they did, everything would be different.

She wouldn't just be Carmilla.

She would be Carmilla Karnstein. 

She would be the heir to a multimillion dollar company. She would be the girl that had been put on the path to take over when her father had died when she was 13. She would be one of the youngest and richest business women in the country.

And once people knew that, she never got to be _just_ Carmilla.

And it felt nice, that she was finally getting the chance to figure out who that was for herself.

——

_Don’t wait up._

She hadn't intended to. In fact, out of spite she went to bed almost immediately after Carmilla had left the room. ( _almost immediately_ because she was very serious about dental hygiene and keeping up with her journal) But here she was, wide awake, staring at the ceiling. Of course Laf and Perry didn't have the same problem. They never did. They were off in dream land as soon as the lights were out.

Laura rolled over, sighing when the time on the clock had barely changed since the last time she looked at it. Did it really take 3 hours to do laundry? The sounds that were becoming familiar echoed through the room. The hum of the air conditioner, the buzz from the mini fridge, the occasional car passing on the road- those were less frequent now that it was nearing midnight. The thin, yellowing curtain that sat over the window blew gently with the breeze that filtered through the tattered screen of the open window. Everything was quiet enough to be soothing, the gentle sounds should have been lulling her to sleep quickly. Instead, she rolled over again and shut her eyes tightly, hoping sleep would come sooner rather than later and trying to ignore the curiosity around Carmilla and where she had really disappeared to.

When the door clicked and creaked slightly as it opened, Laura froze. She listened closely as footsteps came through the door and a bag was set on the floor. The room was dark and she wasn't sure she would be able to see Carmilla’s face even if she rolled towards the door, so she stayed where she was. She had scooted to the edge of the bed just moments ago, leaving Carmilla enough space if she decided to actually come back, but not quite expecting her to. The space in the bed was there, if she wanted it. But as Laura laid there silently, holding her breath and listening, nothing else happened.

Then the door shut.

And it was silent again. 

When Laura was sure she was going to die if she didn't breathe, she rolled over and sat up as her eyes scanned the dark room. Carmilla’s bag was on the floor near the door, but the girl was nowhere to be seen. Sleep wasn't going to come, she knew that, so instead she climbed out of bed, grabbed her sweatshirt and walked outside to see if she could find Carmilla.

It didn't take long. The sound of water and a glow from the motel pool caught Laura’s attention. As soon as she was standing at the edge, she saw the shape of the figure at the bottom of the pool, and a pile of clothes on a nearby chair. Looking around it was clear no one else was around, and it seemed Carmilla was doing that thing where she pretends to be drowning, so Laura fought the urge to roll her eyes (no one would see anyway) and rolled up her pajama pants before sitting down and letting her feet drop into the water.

—

Carmilla saw the figure at the edge of the pool and knew almost immediately it was Laura. She was still counting down before letting the air out of her lungs so she didn't bother to move, hoping Laura would stay put and not jump in and nearly drown herself again. The thought must have distracted her because she was letting out air a lot sooner than normal, bubbles drifting up until breaking through the surface.

Her body dropped lower in the pool, her back scraping against the bottom with the subtle motions of the water. She lost interest in the bubbles as soon as a pair of feet dipped into the pool, kicking slowly and swirling the water around gently. Before she knew what she was doing, her feet were on the tiles at the bottom of the pool and pushing her towards the surface.

“Shouldn't you be sleeping?” Carmilla brushed wet hair out of her face before slowly swimming closer to the edge where Laura was sitting. 

Laura swirled her feet as she watched Carmilla swim closer. She hadn't felt nervous until right this second and didn't know what to do with her hands. She wrung them together in her lap before shifting on the hard surface and putting her palms flat against the concrete, wrapping her fingers around the edge of the pool.

“I think my nap in the car threw off my sleep cycle. What are you doing?” She offered a shy smile. Carmilla seemed okay with the interruption but who knew how long that would last. 

“What does it look like?” Carmilla raised an eyebrow, treading water a foot away from the edge.

Laura nodded, stupid question, she deserved the answer she got. When Carmilla smirked and dipped half her face below the water, Laura couldn't help herself but to wonder, “Did I do something?”

Carmilla’s eyebrows came together slightly at Laura’s tone. She sounded hurt. It made Carmilla feel bad, but it didn't change the fact that things had to be different. She did her best to shrug it off and act indifferent, “Why would you think that?”

Laura watched Carmilla drift further away from her in the water. She was trying to act like she didn't know what Laura was talking about, but the slight movement of her eyebrows, the clench in her jaw, and mostly the hesitance that shone in her eyes gave her away. But why would she pretend not to care?

“Cause something changed.” Laura shrugged, still watching Carmilla closely. “Earlier today. The music shop—“ Her words stopped when Carmilla finally looked up at her. It was almost as if she was silently asking Laura to stop. Not push it. But that wasn't Laura’s style, never had been. “I thought we were- or maybe could be..”

“Friends?” Carmilla asked with a chuckle. It sounded more forced than she thought it would. Laughing at the idea of being friends. It wasn't until she said it that she realized she wouldn't mind it.

The face Laura made though, thats when she realized she wouldn't just not mind it, she actually wanted it.

“Well, yeah.” Laura said quietly, dropping her gaze to the water and gripping the edge of the pool tighter.

Without even trying Laura made it difficult to keep a distance. How do you comfort someone while acting like you don't care?

“Look.” Carmilla sighed, then swam towards Laura. She gripped the edge of the pool and pulled herself against the wall right next to her. She crossed her arms on the dry concrete and rested her chin on her forearm, “Just because we listened to some music, doesn't make us best friends.” 

Laura scoffed and rolled her eyes, “I _know_ that.” She glanced down at Carmilla then back to the water, “I just meant it would make things a lot less miserable if we actually got along for more than five minutes at a time.”

Carmilla looked up at her with a curious look. Laura sounded sincere and almost hopeful, it made her wonder if she was just this sweet or if she was completely naive. Laura must have noticed the thoughtful look because she chuckled and hit Carmilla’s arm with the back of her hand.

“You know I’m right.” Her smile was wider now, taking Carmilla’s silence and the fact that she hadn't swam away yet as a sign that maybe they were getting somewhere. “So really, what are you doing?”

Carmilla narrowed her eyes at Laura, but the girls smile never faltered. She felt a jolt of electricity, spread through her chest and bottom out her stomach, much like the first time she saw Laura only days ago. It was astounding how quickly she had managed to start to crumble the walls Carmilla was so desperate to keep built.

“Swimming.” Carmilla answered flatly, pushing off the wall and floating to the center of the pool before starting to tread water.

  
“It always looks more like sinking.” Laura dropped a hand into the water, splashing a bit towards Carmilla.

Carmilla smiled and dropped below the surface to dodge the small splash, before coming back up, head tilted back to let her hair gather behind her. “I guess it all depends on how you look at it.” She tread water a few more seconds before adding, "You've never just sat at the bottom of the pool?"

Laura let out a loud laugh like it was a ridiculous question. "I don't do much in pools in general." She rolled her eyes at herself, "you've already witnessed my swimming capabilities."

They both laughed, no doubt picturing the same image of Laura being swallowed by her oversized sweater and flailing in the pool when she had tried to save Carmilla. 

"Come on." Carmilla smiled mischievously, "try it."

"Try what?" Laura answer in surprise, "sinking to the bottom?"

Carmilla nodded and swam back towards Laura, gripping her ankle and tugging on it gently.  

Laura immediately laughed nervously and scrambled backwards, pulling her feet up out of the water, "don't you dare."

Carmilla's smile stayed on her face as she pressed her palms on the concrete and pulled herself halfway out of the water, leaning forward to get closer to Laura, lowering her voice, "don't you trust me?"

"Not at all." Laura answered immediately with a smile on her face. Carmilla had a smile on her face that made Laura both extremely nervous and equally excited.

She could feel her cheeks warming as she forced herself to keep her eyes on Carmilla's face. It wasn't easy, what with Carmilla being in what looked to be a very expensive bra, hands pressed into the ground and arms flexing as water found its way down her body and back into the pool or the puddle slowly building just under her torso. Ok so her eyes hadn't stayed on her face, but that didn't seem to bother Carmilla. In fact, it seemed to make her smile grow.

Carmilla just smiled at Laura's comment, then arched an eyebrow as she watched the other girls eyes scan what part of her body was out of the pool and on display. She probably didn't realize she was doing it because as soon as she looked back up at Carmilla's smirk, her eyes grew wide and her cheeks turned red enough it was easy to see, even with the darkness that came with the midnight hour. 

  
"Come on." Carmilla lowered herself back into the pool and pushed off the wall. She held her hands up as if to show Laura she wouldn't pull her in and used her legs to keep herself above water. “Get in.”

"You won't pull me under?" Laura asked as she slowly scooted towards the edge. This wasn't exactly how she saw the night going, but she was smart enough to know this was a rare invitation- exactly like earlier when Carmilla had invited her to stay in the music shop- and as much as she didn't want to get in the pool, she didn't want to miss another opportunity to find out more about this girl, and maybe fix whatever had gone wrong earlier.

“Cupcake," Carmilla scoffed, her hands hitting the water, "if I was going to kill you I would have already."

"Fair point." Laura tilted her head in agreement. It would be silly for Carmilla to make it this far in the journey and decide this was the moment to murder one of them. Especially since this was one of the rare moments they were actually getting along. "Fine. Turn around." She lifted a finger and spun it in a circle as if to direct Carmilla's movements. 

Carmilla's smile was now a look of slight confusion while she watched Laura stand up. When she didn't turn around, Laura repeated the hand gesture with expectant eyes. 

"I don't want a repeat of the the great sweater sea monster debacle and just because you have no qualms about taking your clothes off in public, doesn't mean I feel the same way."

Carmilla chuckled but complied, twirling herself in the water to face away from Laura. Treading water was getting tiring so she used it as an excuse to swim to the opposite wall, gripping the edge with one hand and giving her legs a break from keeping her above water. She heard a heavy sigh then one of the plastic chairs scrape against concrete. She fought the urge to look over her shoulder, not wanting to make Laura uncomfortable, instead trying to figure out exactly what she was doing.

She had dropped her bag in the room and left to the pool then had planned on another night in the car. Avoidance, silence, all seemed easier than being around Laura and still trying to maintain indifference. The second Laura had shown up, it had all gone out the window. And not for the first time. 

There was something about this girl that left Carmilla unsure of her decisions. Unable to think before she spoke and completely backtracking on decisions she had made to protect herself. Somewhere along the lines curiosity had turned to amusement, and amusement had turned to admiration. It didn't matter that it had only been a few days. The electricity that seemed to buzz at her fingertips and ignite through her chest whenever Laura was around had happened the first moment she saw her, and continued to plague her in unexpected moments since. When she heard the sounds of Laura dropping slowly into the water, a murmur of excitement settled in her stomach and she knew there was no going back.

“Now what?” Laura asked quietly, clutching to the edge of the pool.

Carmilla turned herself around, pressing her back against the wall and throwing her arms up on the concrete to hold herself up. She watched Laura on the opposite wall, clearly not as excited about being there as Carmilla was. Water had always been calming to her, she had never considered it wasn't that way for everyone. 

“What did you call it?” Carmilla smirked, “Sinking? Do that.” 

Laura scoffed but her body relaxed a bit from the teasing, “Just sink? Thats it?”

Carmilla shrugged, “Why not?”

“Uh, I like breathing.”

That got a chuckle out of Carmilla, which made Laura relax even more. Carmilla moved away from the wall and swam to the center of the pool gracefully. She nodded her head as an invitation for Laura to join her but rolled her eyes when Laura shook her head no. 

“The pool is barely 6 feet deep.” Carmilla smirked, Laura still didn't seem convinced. “I’ll sink with you?”

“Aren’t you ever scared?” Laura asked, letting go and inching away from the wall before gripping the edge again. Carmilla’s questioning look urged her to continue, “of drowning?”

Carmilla just laughed before moving to float on her back, arms outstretched and eyes closed. "I've never drown before, so what's to be afraid of?"

Laura couldn't help but stare, and really, Carmilla didn't seem to mind. People floating in pools in their underwear rarely did. It wasn't until Carmilla opened her eyes and let her body dip back down into the water that Laura realized how long she had been staring. 

"That- that doesn't make sense."

"What doesn't?" Carmilla swirled her arms around, sending rippled waves into Laura. 

"Not being scared cause it hasn't happened before. You can be scared of something that hasn't happened.”

"Hmm." Carmilla hummed and made her way back to the wall opposite Laura. She gripped the edge with one hand so she could continue to face her. "The way I see it, the things we fear the most have already happened to us."

"How do you figure?" Laura looked at her thoughtfully, Carmilla's tone had no sarcasm, no teasing, nothing but sincerity, which was rare for her. It felt exactly how it had when they sat in the sound booth earlier that day. Carmilla was lighter somehow, less guarded. Laura immediately knew getting in the pool was the best idea she’d had all night.

Carmilla was silent for a moment, not entirely sure how to explain. Fear had always been something she was able to control. Almost something she enjoyed facing down, just to be able to say it hadn't stopped her. Just another thing challenging her, trying to hold her back. She had to pick her battles when it came to her mother, her responsibility, and her future. But fear was something she could always fight against and win.

Fear was also something she had thought a lot about. How fear controls people actions to the point of making them give up on their dreams or the simplest of things. Fear is what gave her mother power. Its what coerced people into doing things they didn't want to. When you control it, you have the power. When it controls you, the power is anyones but your own. 

She watched her free hand as she skimmed it across the water. Tiny ripples breaking from her palm, waves floating from her fingers. She could feel Laura’s eyes on her and wondered if the electricity she could feel pulsing through her body would electrocute them both if she didn't get it under control. Electricity and water, now that was something to be afraid of.

”You don't fear heartbreak until your heart has already felt the pain of breaking. You don't fear being alone until you’ve been left and felt the crushing weight of unwanted solitude. You don't fear darkness until its monsters made of shadows have all but consumed you. You don't fear being lied to until you've already been deceived." Carmilla looked up and was met with brown eyes watching her attentively, listening to every word she said. She let go of the wall and let herself float back to the center of the pool, continuing to speak when Laura surprised her and did the same. "You don't fear drowning unless you've been lost beneath the water and feared you'd never touch the surface again. What you fear, doesn’t matter. It's made up of something that's probably already happened. And you’ve already survived it.”

Then they were in the middle of the pool, looking at each other silently as the water rippled around them. There was space between them still, both of them treading water, their bodies moving up and down with their movements. Carmilla nodded, afraid of what words would come out if she spoke. She couldn't remember ever feeling the way she did, she wasn't even sure how to explain it. Water usually calmed her, this was something else entirely. 

When Laura nodded in return, Carmilla pulled in a deep breath and did what she always did. She let herself sink to the bottom. Everything was opposite than it usually was. Her heart rate picked up instead of calmed, the tightness in her chest came quickly, and she felt herself forcing herself to stay under water instead of just letting herself _be_.

She didn't understand it. The only thing different, was she was watching Laura float above her, waiting for her to fall beneath the surface. When she finally did, Carmilla felt relieved. The relief she usually felt just by being underwater. Thats when she realized.

Fear. That was something she had thought a lot about. She had decided long ago that the opposite of fear wasn't confidence. It was peace. It was calm.

What she felt around Laura, _for_ Laura, that wasn't calm. It was electrifying. It was confusing. It was unstoppable. It was fear. 

Laura smiled as soon as she was face to face with Carmilla under water. It was wide and proud and beautiful. The dim lights in the pool flickered with the water, swirls of water and light floating through honey colored hair and making everything about her magical. Carmilla couldn't help but smile back, she would have laughed if she wasn't holding her breath. 

Then Laura reached out her hand and took hold of Carmilla’s and pulled her closer. Laura must have laughed because bubbles appeared, floating around her face and rising to the surface and her smile only got wider. They bumped clumsily together as they both tried to stay below the surface and for the first time in her life, Carmilla thought she might drown.

Carmilla was right, before. She had never drown. She had never even been close. Until that moment, when she took hold of Laura's hands as they floated beneath the surface. The place she had gone so many times to drown out the word was finally a place she had drown herself. But it wasn't the water or the lack of air. 

It was Laura. The trust in her eyes and the kindness in her smile. She wasn't just beginning to drown. It had already happened. And she was terrified.

More bubbles erupted around them and Laura was letting go of Carmilla’s hands and swimming back to the surface. Carmilla panicked, feeling like she had left her too early. Things were easy underwater. They were silent and simple and the rest of the world didn't exist. Going to the surface meant giving that up and going back to real life. She didn't know what that meant, now that she understood what that feeling was. She had always faced her fears. How was she supposed to do that when what she feared now, had everything to do with Laura?

Her chest was tight and she needed to breathe, so she followed Laura to the surface. Laura was laughing as she swam back to hold onto the edge and Carmilla forced herself to go to the opposite wall, despite everything in her wanting just to hold Laura’s hand again.

“Okay, you were right.” Laura sloshed the water as she pushed herself up and twisted to sit on the edge of the pool. She wiped the hair from her face, “That wasn't so bad.”

“Right.” Carmilla swallowed heavily. At least Laura was oblivious to the total wave of realization Carmilla had just had.

Laura took a couple deep breaths, still getting over having sat at the bottom of the pool  and not breathing for longer than what she's probably used to. Carmilla’s less than smug response to Laura admitting she was right felt weird. The way Carmilla was looking at her, was equally weird. Whatever was going on, she suddenly remembered that she was sitting on the edge of a pool, in the middle of the night, in her underwear, with a very attractive, very confusing girl.

 “So uh,” She crossed her arms over her exposed stomach awkwardly and looked around the empty area. “If you’re not afraid of drowning, what are you afraid of?”

The feeling wouldn't go away, but she wasn't about to let fear win. Except, she wasn't sure how to beat it this time. So she landed on the tactic of fake it till you make it. Just pretend nothing was wrong, and nothing would be. 

Carmilla cleared her throat, “Not much, I guess.” 

A silence settled around them, Laura not sure what else to say and Carmilla still trying to wrap her head around what was happening. When their breathing settled and the only sounds around them were sounds of chirping insects and the slight movement from the water, Laura stood up and went for her clothes quickly. 

Whatever was going on, it felt heavy and Laura knew it was only a matter of time before Carmilla gave her whiplash again and went back to her sarcastic self. This whole interaction had been way more sincere than Laura ever expected and it made her feel uneasy. That's the only way she could think to describe the uncomfortable roll in her stomach whenever Carmilla looked up at her. 

"We better get some sleep." A nervous smile crossed her face, "who knows what Perry has planned for us."

Carmilla nodded, "I think I'll.. hang out here another minute." 

The energy wasn't awkward, it was tense. For someone that usually had control over herself, Carmilla was struggling to get a grip. It was an all out battle between building walls and tearing them down. For every brick she placed- Laura knocked it down without any effort. It gave her pause, wondering if maybe it wasn't Laura at all.  Maybe Carmilla was tearing her own walls down so she wouldn't lose sight of Laura. Because it went both ways. If she build a wall to keep Laura out, the same wall would block out the intoxicating light that drew her towards the other girl. No one could get in, but she wouldn't be able to get out, either. 

—

_Don’t wait up._

She hadn't intended to. Trying to sleep turned into a midnight swim. It had turned into butterflies and breathlessness, and not just from sitting at the bottom of the pool. She wasn't sure how long ago she had left Carmilla and returned to the room. She had changed her clothes and towel dried her hair as best she could before climbing back in bed. And here she was. _Not waiting up_. Yet, thats exactly what she was doing. 

Laura pressed her eyes shut tightly when she heard the door creak open. There was a quick click, then the sounds of the lock turning then it was silent again. Pretending to be asleep was much more difficult when you didn't actually want to avoid someone. She wanted to keep talking to Carmilla. The random yet completely logical way she thought about things was captivating.

Her explanation earlier that day explained it best. There were music people and there were lyric people. Carmilla was definitely a lyric person. For someone that spoke mostly in quick quips and short sarcastic remarks, when she wanted to be, she was actually quite poetic. The way she spoke of things she had a passion for was electrifying, and Laura wanted to gather a list of things Carmilla loved just so she could hear her talk endlessly about them.

Her thoughts on fear had surprised Laura. At first it didn't make sense, then it sank in and it was the most obvious thing in the world. While she was trying to sleep she had started thinking of all the things she was afraid of. 

Rejection, failure, uncertainty, loss.. All of which were things she had already experienced. That wasn't the only part Carmilla was right about. She had survived them all. Sure, it didn't mean it was easy, but she had done it. It made her wonder what she was holding herself back from, just to avoid those feelings again without considering it wasn't a guarantee she would have to feel them again.

It also made her realize how easily she had accepted just ‘being along for the ride’. Not only with this trip, letting Perry plan just about everything, but even in other aspects of her life. Had she let fear outweigh her desires? Her dreams? Her goals? It felt oddly liberating searching stacks of records for ones she actually liked. How would it feel if she applied the same principle to larger things in her life? Making her own decisions without putting so much weight on how other people would feel about it. Putting more weight into how _she_ felt about it.

Laura was sure Carmilla had walked in, only to leave again, until she heard the sound of a bag being zipped open and rustling of fabric. She parted her lips to blow out a controlled breath, not wanting to give away the fact that she was awake, when she heard wet clothes hit the floor. 

It wasn't the fact that Carmilla was most likely naked only feet away from her that was making it hard for Laura to control her heart rate. It was what she had felt happening all day. Something was changing. From the moment Carmilla had invited her to stay with her in the music shop to the moment their fingertips gripped tightly to one another in the pool. Something was different and it was exciting and nerve wracking and completely unexpected. 

When the bed dipped, Laura couldn't believe it. She thought peaceful conversations was major progress, the fact that Carmilla was actually choosing to stay in the room, and actually in the bed instead of the bathtub, seemed like a miracle. 

When she heard the slow but heavy exhale come from Carmilla once she had laid down she realized it was probably much bigger than just sharing a bed. Something had kept Carmilla from getting close to them and now, something was different. 

Laura didn't know what it was, but the thump of her heart and the smile on her face as she started to fall asleep made it clear, whatever it was, wasn't just with Carmilla. 

Laura felt different herself, too.

—

She wished her motives were as obvious as the trail of wet footprints she was leaving behind herself. It was like she couldn't help herself. Wanting to give herself credit for not immediately jumping out of the pool felt pointless for the fact that she was antsy the entire time she forced herself to stay put. Not usually a fan of lists, she resigned to telling herself all the reasons it was a bad idea to go back to the room.

She had already been more honest and vulnerable than she ever wanted to be. And that was while she was completely awake. She hated the idea of what might be revealed when she was lost to sleep. 

First, it was the excuse that her clothes were wet and everything dry was in the motel room. She tried to tell herself it had nothing to do with Laura when she stood and started silently making her way there, a trail of water drops falling from wet curls and footprints leaving physical proof of something she was feeling. Following Laura was easy. 

Maybe it was fate at first, but it was her choice now. 

She was uncertain before, but nervous only when she stood outside the door. She hated the feeling. It was new. It was annoying. She probably would have stood there all night if it didn't feel so much like a challenge. 

The room was dark and nearly silent. Light filtered in the window and through the thin curtain covering it, just enough for her to be able to spot her bag and find what she needed to change. She hung her wet bra over the corner of the chair and let her underwear drop to the floor before she stepped out of it to pull on a new pair. She pulled a tanktop over her head before turning to face the beds in the room.

For a split second she considered going back outside and spending another night in the backseat of the car, but a long exhale came from Laura and she watched as her body relaxed heavily into the bed and something drew her closer.

She hesitated, but lowered herself to the edge and sat there for a second. Nothing happened. Maybe this didn't have to seem so scary, after all. If she was the last to fall asleep, maybe she held some control after all.

Grabbing one of the pillows she placed it in the center of the bed, almost as a barrier to keep herself from touching Laura while asleep, or even while awake. Figuring thats the best she could do, she laid down on her back and couldn't help the heavy sigh that fell from her lips at how comforting it was to be there.

She wasn't sure sleep would even come. The hesitancy of even staying in the room only served to make the feelings bubbling in her chest more prevalent. The knowledge that Laura was merely a reach across the bed both excited her and scared her.

When Laura had asked her what she was afraid of, _You_ , was all she could think.  

Because just like her idea of fear- you're only afraid of what's already happened- she had already lost herself to Laura and she hadn't yet decided if she wanted to fight it, or simply let herself drown in it.

 

\--

_Day 4_

_Its been an interesting day. Understatement of the century.  
Carmilla has decided to come along for our trip for the time being. I have no idea why._

_Its been equal parts disaster and fun._

_In other news. I think I might like her._  
  
_God… Worst. Crush. Ever._


	8. Unplanned Detour

Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery, right?

Maybe that was giving too much power to this crush she had, but it really _was_ a problem. Extremely inconvenient, came out of freaking nowhere, and made absolutely no sense. Carmilla was an ass. Why would she have a crush on her?

Plus, if Laf found out, she’d never hear the end of it. And oh gosh, if Carmilla found out? That would just… She didn't even want to think about it.

Didn’t mean she _hadn’t_ thought about it.

 _Who, me?_ Carmilla would smirk. Bat her eyes. Love every second of it. And as much as Laura would want to strangle her for it, there were equally less violent things she would want to do as well.

That was the problem. 

It made no sense and she had absolutely no control over it. So she was admitting she had a problem. 

Acceptance. That would be the key. Accept she had a crush, let it run its course, and move on. Honestly, it was only a matter of time before Carmilla did something annoying enough that would snap her out of it. 

_*thwack*_

Like that. 

It had to be the third tree branch that had collided with her head. 

"Carmilla." Laura said through gritted teeth, "you can't call it an accident anymore. Knock it off."

"It's not my fault you're following so close behind me." Carmilla was lacking any sort of apologetic tone for having just sent a tree branch towards Laura's face. "Unless it's to get a better look at my ass. Then I really can't blame you." She turned over her shoulder and smirked. 

Laura narrowed her eyes and clenched her jaw, speaking through her teeth once again. " _You're_ an ass."

Carmilla laughed and turned back towards the small trail, "Good comeback, cupcake."

She wanted to roll her eyes, but why not enjoy the view instead. Carmilla _did_ have a nice ass. 

Yeah, acceptance. It had to get her somewhere, right?

—

Denial. That would be the key. Deny whatever the hell she was feeling and just pretend it wasn't there. Pretty soon, it would go away and it wouldn't be a problem anymore and she could just move on. Honestly, if she bugged Laura enough it was likely whatever feelings of adoration she had would switch back to amusement and things could go back to how they were before. 

_*thwack*_

She tried not to chuckle at the surprised yelp that came from behind her. It had to be the third or fourth time she had let a small branch snap back behind her, it was surprising Laura was still following so close. 

"...knock it off."

Annoying Laura was as easy as ever. Not thinking it was adorable wasn't quite as easy. 

 "...Unless it's to get a better look at my ass. Then I really can't blame you." She turned over her shoulder and smirked, not missing the adorable scrunch in Laura's nose or the hint of a smile she was trying to hide behind a glare. 

Laura's comeback was barely even a comeback and Carmilla couldn't help but laugh. For being in the middle of an activity she didn't particularly enjoy, she sure was smiling a lot. 

Yeah, denial. It had to get her somewhere, right?

—

Even though that's where things were at currently, that's not how the morning had begun. Things were confusing and both of them weren't sure of what to do about it. 

_  
Earlier that morning...._

  
"I thought she would have woken up by now." Perry whispered from her spot at the foot of the bed.

Laf crossed their arms and tilted their head, "we haven't exactly been quiet."

Laura sighed, looking at the pair standing next to her. "Well she hasn't been asleep for that long. She came back pretty late."

"I'm surprised she came back at all." Laf commented, "I thought she'd sleep in the car again and make things much easier than this."

"Well someone needs to wake her." Perry leaned forward a bit to look past Lafontaine to give Laura a look like it was her responsibility. 

"Not it." Laf lifted a hand, essentially making it law that they didn't have to be the one to do it.

"Why do I have to?" Laura whined, looking at the sleeping figure on the bed. 

As shocked as she was the night before when Carmilla had climbed into the bed next to her, she was just as surprised to wake up and find Carmilla still there. She looked so relaxed, unguarded, and so so small. She was a completely different person when asleep.

She was curled tightly into a ball, like she was trying to take up the least amount of space possible. Facing the wall and away from the rest of the room, she was so close to the edge of the bed it was a miracle she hadn't fallen off onto the floor. 

Laura had been confused by the pillow that sat between them at first, then figured it Carmilla's way of keeping her distance, for whatever reason. 

It made sense when she thought about it. For as much as they were all trying, Carmilla was still learning to trust them. Something had made her keep a distance to this point, but the fact that she had shared the room with them for the night, meant she was getting there. Laura had always been a little too trusting, always trying to give people the benefit of the doubt. It made her curious why Carmilla was so guarded and if she had always been that way or if it was something learned. 

A pillow flew towards Carmilla and all Laura could do was watch with wide eyes. 

"Lafontaine!" Perry scolded loudly, just as shocked as Laura. 

The pillow landed on top of Carmilla, not softly, but nothing happened. 

“Huh.” Laf’s eyebrows furrowed, "I thought that would work."

Perry looked at Laf and shook her head disapprovingly before turning back to the body curled up and covered by a pillow. "Carmilla? Sweetie?" 

Nothing.

Laf and Laura both chuckled and shared a look. The girl could sleep. So far she slept through them all getting ready, Laf and Perry bickering about how to repack their bags, Laf throwing a pillow at her head and Perry sweetly but loudly trying to wake her.

"Uh, why don't you guys take the bags to the car and I'll try." Laura looked at both of them with a smile. 

Laf picked up their bag and slung it over their shoulder, "Good luck."

Once Laura was alone with Carmilla she took a couple steps towards the sleeping girl. "Carm?"

Her voice wasn't quiet, and she was right next to her but Carmilla still didn't budge. If it weren't for the subtle movement of her chest from breathing, Laura would have been worried she was actually dead. She gently grabbed the edge of the pillow that was covering her head and shoulders and flipped it off of her. With a sigh, Laura sat down on the edge of the bed in the space where Carmilla's body curved back, essentially putting her between Carmilla's head and knees as she lay curled on her side. It was barely enough room to sit without actually touching her, but Laura needed to try a different approach other than noise and throwing pillows. 

"Carm?" Laura reached out and gently pressed her palm into Carmilla's shoulder experimentally. Carmilla's eyebrows twitched slightly but it was clear she still wasn't awake. It was more response than they had gotten all morning so Laura figured she was on the right track. 

Carmilla's skin felt soft under her palm and she found herself remembering the night before. How gently Carmilla had held onto her while underwater and how soft the look in her eyes had been. 

She glanced over to the door, making sure they were still alone before rubbing Carmilla shoulder again. Her palm brushed over rough skin and Laura pulled back quickly. Carmilla hadn't bother to cover the scrapes on her shoulder the night before and before she could even think about it, Laura was brushing her thumb over it. The skin was still rough and red, not quite healed but already looking better than it had the previous morning. 

"Carm." Laura spoke again, softly, as her hand pressed against Carmilla’s shoulder blade in a circular movement.

Carmilla pulled in a heavy breath and started to stretch out her body slowly. Laura didn't bother to pull her hand away, continuing to rub circles gently on her shoulder and brush her thumb over healing skin. As soon as Carmilla had stretched out completely, she started to curl up again, eyes never opening. 

Laura giggled, she couldn't help it. Carmilla was like a cat, enjoying attention and refusing to wake up all at once. It made her stomach flutter when she thought about the fact that it wasn't until she had whispered Carmilla’s name and brushed her shoulder gently that Carmilla had started to wake. Butterflies in her stomach turned to a lump in her throat when Carmilla curled further than she was earlier and her forehead pressed into Laura's thigh at the same moment that she let out an approving sigh. 

Laura bit her lip, unable to stop the smile that spread across her lips. Carmilla was quite possibly the most adorable sleeping person Laura had ever seen. Why couldn't she be like this when she was awake?

"Carm, come on. You need to wake up." As adorable as she was, she really did need to wake up. 

"Mmmnnooo." Carmilla mumbled sleepily as she nuzzled even more against Laura's thigh unconsciously. 

Laura chuckled and tapped her shoulder a little more roughly now that she was showing signs of actually waking up. Momentarily Laura wondered if Carmilla knew what she was doing, or if she was so stuck in sleep world that it was just happening. She wasn't sure which she would prefer. Carmilla nuzzling into her on purpose. Or her body doing it out of instinct. 

"What do we have here?" Laf asked with a grin.

Laura glanced over at the door and shrugged, "What? I'm just waking her up.”

"Mmhm." Laf hummed, grin still in place.

"It's what you wanted, isn't it?" Laura scoffed then turned back to Carmilla. Deciding that maybe her thumb brushing against soft skin might seem a little more personal than just waking her up, she moved her hand to her back over her tank top. 

Slow but firm circles. It's how Laura's mother used to wake her up. It had always felt nice to her, maybe it would be the same for Carmilla. She didn't have to wait long to find out, almost as soon as her hand was on Carmilla's low back she started to move again.

Her eyes fluttered open slowly as she sighed, then she froze. Laura realized how close they were. Carmilla's head pressed to her thigh, Laura sitting in the tiny space left on the mattress, almost touching wherever you looked. 

"Uhh." Laura drew her hand back quickly then stood up awkwardly, nearly tripping over herself as she tried to step back. "We uh, are getting ready to go."

Holy fish sticks. Sweet, tender moment turned awkward and embarrassing in a matter of seconds. Since last night Laura was a mess of nerves and butterflies with no idea what to do about it.

"Right now?" Carmilla asked, her voice thick with sleep, still curled up but eyes wide like she was on the edge of panic. Caught between being mortified and embarrassed, and still not completely awake, she was hoping no one would say anything about her sleepy actions.

"Yep." Laf answered flatly from the doorway. "Right now sleepy head."

Laf’s teasing tone made her roll her eyes and roll over to face the door and the red head that was talking to her. Barely sitting up enough to lean back on her elbows she looked them up and down, then shook her head when Perry walked in the door and stood next to them. 

"Are we going on a fucking safari?" She noticed it was still dark outside from the open door behind them and glanced at the clock on the bedside table. "At fucking 5 in the fucking morning?”

Laf looked down at them self then over at Perry before shrugging. "She did warn us she wasn't a morning person. And we are wearing a lot of khaki."

Laura pressed her lips together tightly trying not to laugh. She had thought the same thing when she saw Laf and Perry’s matching outfits. Tan vests with more pockets than necessary, wide rimmed hats the same color as their vests, cargo shorts and heavy duty hiking boots. They were adorable, but it was still funny how accurate Carmilla’s description had been.

Carmilla just rolled onto her stomach and pressed her face into the pillow with a groan. 

“They are perfectly acceptable outfits for what we have planned." Perry defended, "It's practical for the outdoors and physical activity."

Carmilla mumbled into her pillow, "I'll show you physical activity."

Nothing happened. 

"Wow." Laura smiled. She liked sleepy Carmilla. She was adorable and funny, despite her efforts not to be. It was actually pretty entertaining. 

It took a couple more minutes of weak insults and poor comebacks from everyone in the room before Carmilla reluctantly sat up. Laura watched as Carmilla rubbed her eyes with her palms then glared at everyone in the room. She wasn't happy to be awake, but bed head had never looked so good on anyone before. 

"What exactly are we doing that requires you to look like a lost zoo keeper?" Carmilla grumbled as she went for her bag, rifling through her clothes.

"We are going for a sunrise hike." Perry answered a little hesitantly. Carmilla wasn't wearing pants still. Laura was getting used to it by now, but Perry clearly wasn’t. "So wear something comfortable. We will be outside when you're ready." 

With that she walked out, tugging Laf behind her, leaving Carmilla and Laura alone once again. 

Carmilla sighed and tugged on a pair of leggings, pulled her hair up into a ponytail and sauntered out the door with a bra in her hand. “Lets get this shit show on the road.”

—

So now here they were, 30 minutes into a 40 minute hike. The sun still wasn't up. Laura was dodging tree branches. Carmilla was hating the hike, but enjoying every second of annoying Laura.

One was working on acceptance. The other denial. Both were failing miserably.

“So I’ve been thinking.” Laura huffed and leaned over. One hand on a tree trunk, the other on her knee.

“Thinking?” Carmilla welcomed the excuse to stop. Hands on her hips, she took a deep breath and dropped her head back to look at the sky. It was still dark enough to see the stars, just barely, but they were there.

She wasn't sure how long they had been hiking, but five minutes in she was already wishing it was over. It was too dark to see anything except the trees directly around them and the small trail they were following. She didn't even know where they were going. Perry had put a head lamp over her ridiculous hat and all but started skipping up the mountain with Laf not far behind. They however, were more interested in getting samples of plant life and dirt to care about anything else. Whereas Laura and Carmilla followed slowly behind, just trying not to trip or get lost.

“Yeah. Thinking.” Laura stood up and blew out a breath before waving both her hands towards Carmilla, gesturing for her to keep going. “About last night.”

“Last… night?” Carmilla asked slowly. Last night had been a rollercoaster. She had no clue which part Laura wanted to talk about.

“Yeah.” Laura picked up her speed, stepping up to walk next to Carmilla while the wideness of the trail allowed. “What you said about fear.”

“Right.” Carmilla let out a relieved breath. “Fear. What about it?”

“Well.” Laura kicked at a stick in her path, “I thought of a few things I’m afraid of that haven't happened. According to your theory, that shouldn't be possible, right?”

Carmilla let out a quick breath through her nose. Not quite a chuckle, but as close as Laura was going to get. “Like what?”

“Like…” Laura turned to her, lifting a hand, ready to count on her fingers, “Flying. Riding my bike with no hands. Pulling a dine and dash—“

“Hold on.” Carmilla cut her off, stopping in the middle of the trail to turn and face her. “First of all, flying? Or the possibility of crashing while flying? And, riding a bike with no hands?”

Laura shrugged, “I fall every time I try.”

“Thats why you’re afraid, spaz.” Carmilla rolled her eyes and started walking again, “Why are you afraid to pull a dine and dash? Wait.” She stopped again, spinning around to face Laura, a glint of mischief in her eyes, “Are you afraid of getting arrested?”

“What?” Laura scoffed, “No.”

“Ooh.” Carmilla nodded with a smirk, “So you’re into handcuffs, then?”

“What?!” Laura’s eyes went wide and this whole conversation felt like a bad idea suddenly. "I never said-"

“You’re just full of surprises, aren't you?” Carmilla chuckled and turned back around, hiking quickly up the path and leaving Laura flustered and silent behind her.

Laura had to jog to catch up. Carmilla had gone pretty quickly up the path and around a corner before Laura had even stop standing frozen with her mouth agape.

“Handcuffs is not what I—“ She had been watching her feet as she hiked quickly and as a result, ran into Carmilla as she came around the corner. She looked up then saw what made Carmilla stop. “Woah.”

They were standing at a clearing. Trees on either side but nothing out in front of them. Perry and Laf were sitting on a log just ahead of them, headlamp turned off and pulling things from Perry’s backpack. When they started the hike it was as dark as midnight, the sky now lighter as sunrise approached. It was still too dark to make out many details, but it looked like there was a large lake out in front of them, and a ring a trees that lined the shore.

“Come.” Perry patted the space next to her, “Sit.”

Whatever energy Laura was lacking before came back in full force and she happily bounced towards Perry and sat down on the large log. Carmilla stood there another minute, looking around at their surroundings. She hadn't exactly been excited about hiking in the first place and now that they were at their apparent destination, she still didn't see the appeal. 

She had grown up in the city and had always been okay with that. The extent of any real outdoor activities she had were limited to the small grove of trees that lined the boarding school, riding lessons at the equestrian ranch on campus, the nights she snuck up to the roof to try and see the stars, or the tree just outside her window she used on multiple occasions to sneak out of her second story dorm room. 

It didn't compare to this at all.  

There weren't any lights in the distance or sounds of people. It was all moonlight and subtle sounds of animals moving about the forest. 

Now that they were finally in a clearing she had a view of the sky that wasn't there for most of the hike and she tilted her head back to look. It didn't look much different that it usually did. There might have been more stars than she was used to seeing in the city, but they weren't much brighter. She knew that was probably because the sky was getting lighter and it was more morning than night at this point. It was still beautiful. The stars always were, though.

When she finally dropped her gaze, it fell to the three friends sitting together on a nearby log. They weren't talking, but that didn't matter. They were smiling and passing around a thermos and small paper sack. That's all it took, though, for Carmilla to understand how much they cared for each other. 

She had essentially crash landed in something they had intended on doing together, the three of them. And maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the surfacing feelings she had finally acknowledged the night before, but she actually felt bad for throwing herself in the middle of whatever it was they had set out to do. So instead of joining them, and interrupting once again, she walked the opposite direction to find her own space to sit and enjoy the lightening of the sky. 

—

As soon as Laura plopped down on the log, Perry was handing her a warm thermos and Laf was pulling a sack from the backpack they had traded off carrying. This is exactly why Laura had let Perry plan everything. She was dang good at it. 

She took a sip of the warm hot chocolate and traded the thermos for the bag Laf was holding. She had no idea how Perry had done it, but as she bit into a homemade cookie she pulled from the bag, she didn't really care how or when Perry had made them. You should never question cookies for breakfast.

She was about to offer one to Carmilla but when she turned around, Carmilla was staring at the sky with the same wistful look that she had when they were talking about music and she was gently sifting through records. 

Laura looked up to see what was so mesmerizing, then looked back to Carmilla. The stars were barely visible with the hazy color of the sky as the sun got closer to rising over the horizon. It wasn't as beautiful a sight as Carmilla's look made it seem like it would be. But she was still looking at the sky like she had never seen it before, so Laura decided to just leave her be and wait for her to join them to offer a cookie. 

It took her a couple minutes to look back over her shoulder and realize Carmilla was gone. "Hey. Did you guys see where Carm went?" She stood up and took a couple steps back towards the path they had followed up. 

"No clue." Laf didn't even bother looking up from the row of plants they had gathered on the way up. 

"Did she make it up?" Perry asked, slightly more concerned than Laf had been. 

"Yeah, she was right behind me a minute ago." Laura spun in a circle slowly, eyes scanning the trees and shoreline. "Never mind. I'll be back."

She had spotted her standing at the edge of the water not too far down and started heading that way. 

Acceptance. That was her strategy, right? Which meant she was allowed to check out Carmilla as she got closer without feeling bad. Plus, she knew herself well enough that in the history of crushes she's endured, she nearly never actually did anything about it. So even though she was accepting it was a thing-- nothing would actually come of it. Probably. 

But still, her palms got sweaty as she got closer and her mouth was super dry. Like, super dry.  It was probably the 40 minute hike they just completed though and not the dark leggings and tank top that just couldn't possibly hug her body tighter. Or the messy ponytail and the few stray hairs that curled down her neck. It had to be the hike. Yep. That was it. 

"Hey." Laura greeted, only slightly awkwardly. 

Carmilla glanced over and returned her greeting with a nod. 

"What are you doing all the way over here?" Laura slowed her steps as she got closer, glancing out over the water and tying not to just stare at Carmilla. 

"Figured I'd let you all bond without me." Carmilla sounded bored. "Not really my thing."

Laura smiled, "Yeah, I've noticed."

A silence settled around them but Laura couldn't help but feel like it wasn't awkward at all. Maybe that's because she was too busy stealing glances at Carmilla's profile to notice. 

Whatever. Acceptance. It was allowed.

—

God the silence was awkward.

Denial. That's all Carmilla could think after Laura had shown up at her side. It wasn't easy, what with how sweet Laura was being. 

Even after Carmilla had told her she was trying to let her spend time with her friends, Laura had chosen to stay and just stand there with Carmilla. 

She was even maintaining the silence. Which was odd for Laura. It made Carmilla wonder if she was picking up the nervous energy that was surely oozing off of her. What the hell was this girl doing to her?

Carmilla didn't do nervous. Which is why she did what she did next.

"Enjoying the view?" She made sure to add as much teasing into her voice as possible. Its what she would have done with anyone else and that was the best way to deny Laura was any different. 

Yes. She _was_ enjoying the view. But she scoffed anyway, "Are you always this obnoxious?"

Carmilla turned to look at her with a proud smirk. Her response was to wink then look back to the lake. 

All at once the world around them started to wake. Quiet at first, taking turns greeting the morning, birds began to chirp. Rustling in the trees behind them filtered through the air. Animals coming to join them as they waited for the sun to make its first appearance. 

The dull grey haze that had been in the sky shifted in a second, blue and orange piercing the morning and reflecting off ripples of the lake. It was beautiful. 

Everything seemed to be waking. The trees were greener, the lake sparkled with glittering light, the sky seemed to be taking a cleansing breath, morning fog disappearing as the air grew warmer with every second that passed. 

She couldn't remember ever seeing a sunrise like this before. No buildings or pollution from being in the city. Everything about it was crisp, bright, clean.

Morning dew gathered on grass that grew unkempt around the trees, clinging to sharp green blades. Moisture gathering on leaves and wild flowers making everything around them sparkle. 

"Worth the hike?"

Laura's voice was quiet, almost like she was trying not to scare the world around her from waking. Her eyes were soft as she looked out over the sunrise that began to mirror off the lake. Hues of orange and red, blues and purples. 

Carmilla couldn't help but take a minute to look at Laura instead of the sunrise. 

"I guess." She whispered back with a shrug of her shoulders. 

But when Laura turned and smiled at her failed attempt at disinterest, she got lost in its brightness. 

A smile like Laura's could set the sky on fire. Instead, it continued to thaw the ice that had taken up residence around her heart. 

Denial. It wasn't really working. 

—

“I refuse to do that ever again.” Carmilla let herself fold over the trunk of the car, her forehead resting on warm metal. 

"Oh come now." Perry chirped happily, "We hiked up, how did you expect to get down?"

"A helicopter. Jeep maybe. Llama would have been fine." Carmilla groaned and stood up, "I would accept a dragon."

"That's just silly." Perry shook her head, "it would be completely irresponsible to have a fire breathing creature that deep in a woodland area."

"Hold up." Carmilla couldn't help the amused grin now on her face. "It's silly to want a dragon because you're concerned about the potential of forest fires?" 

"It's a very serious issue." Perry swung her backpack around in front of her and searched for the keys in one of the small pockets. "Fires have destroyed an average of 1,063,835 acres in America alone in the last 10 years."

Carmilla shook her head, a little bit impressed and a little amused, "You're a special kind of strange. You know that?"

Perry took it as a compliment, smiling as she walked to the trunk, opening it up and dropping the bag inside. 

A minute later Carmilla heard heavy footsteps and grumbling coming from the tree cover at the edge of the parking lot and tried not to smile as she leaned her hip against the car, waiting for Laura to emerge. 

Laura glared as she finally made it to the clearing, "You could have helped, you know.”

She was a sight to see. Covered head to toe in dirt and speckled with mud. She had small twigs stuck in her ponytail that was somehow still secured, if only a little lopsided and loose. She was carrying one of her shoes, making her walk lopsided and careful as she avoided stepping on rocks and sticks with her one sock covered foot. 

"Where would the fun be in that?" Carmilla jeered, looking Laura up and down. 

"Why would we need help?!" Laf emerged from the trees with a huge grin, "that was awesome!"

Laura spun around with a glare. The whole thing had been more gentle with Laf than it had been with Laura. 

They had all actually nearly made it back to the car without incident- which was shocking considering how many close calls there were on Laura's account. She was easily distracted and was sure there was a bear behind every tree. Which meant she hardly ever payed any attention to where her feet were stepping. A few near falls but nothing actually too frightening. That is, until Carmilla had a brilliant idea. 

Laf had stopped to look at some flower or weed, Carmilla hadn't been sure, but they had made Laura stop with them. So Carmilla made her way down the trail far enough that she was out of sight before stepping off the beaten down path and standing behind a tree. After that, all it took was for her to step out at the right moment with an extremely lackluster "boo" and Laura jumped back, tripping over a tree root crossing her path and toppling over into a puddle of mud and dirt. She had attempted to save herself by grabbing onto Lafontaine but that only served to pull them over with her. 

Laf was fine.  Laura broke their fall. 

The best part though, was watching them try to stand back up. The mud was particularly sticky and had a pretty good grip of Laura's shoe, which she had to have a full out tug-o-war with to save. The force required to pull her shoe out backfired, and once the shoe was in her hands, she stumbled backwards again and right into an armful of tree branches. Laf had tried to help pull her free which only ended up with them in the mud again. 

All the while Carmilla stood there laughing so hard she actually had tears in her eyes. 

When Carmilla finally continued down the trail the other two were finally standing on the trail, out of breath, covered in mud and leaves, one shoe in hand and at least one of them smiling. (It wasn't Laura.)

"Oh my." Perry looked them over, "it's a good thing we planned to go back to the motel. You are both filthy."

She disappeared behind the car while Laf and Laura made their way towards them. A second later she reappeared with a large blue tarp. "You'll have to sit on this, I don't want you soiling the car with all that mud."

There was more grumbling as Perry situated the tarp over the back seat and the other two did their best to brush off any dirt they could. Laura was pulling sticks from her ponytail with a frown while Laf seemed absolutely fine with the whole thing. 

"I'll drive." Carmilla spoke up once everyone was ready to climb back into the car. 

There were hesitant looks all around at the offer. "Wasn't that part of the appeal? Another driver?" Carmilla smiled sweetly, which only seemed to increase their hesitancy. 

Perry reluctantly handed over the keys before everyone climbed in. 

"Do you remember where we are going?" Perry asked while pulling on her seatbelt. 

"Of course." Carmilla adjusted the mirror. No one noticed, but she moved it so she could see Laura in the back seat, not much else.

Perry was handing a water bottle back to Laf when Carmilla pulled out of the parking lot. They took a sip then handed it to Laura. 

Carmilla grinned, waiting until the moment Laura put the bottle to her lips then she hit the breaks.

Laura lurched forward, her seatbelt snapping her to a stop. Water gushed out of the bottle, all over Laura's face then down the front of her body. She sputtered a few times before wiping water from her face and glaring at the front seat. 

"My bad." Carmilla smirked at Laura's reflection, "touchy breaks."

Laura's jaw dropped as she tugged her wet shirt away from her body, looking down at the mess she had become. Laf was trying not to laugh and Perry had turned around to see how Laura was going to react. 

When Laura looked back up to make eye contact with Carmilla, Carmilla winked, "You needed a shower anyway, right?"

Laura wanted to be mad, she really did, but something in Carmilla's eyes told her it was more playful than hurtful and she couldn't help but smile. She chuckled and the nervous energy shifted immediately. Perry grinned and Lafontaine started laughing. 

Just before they pulled into the motel parking lot, Laura caught Carmilla smiling at her in the mirror and felt the ever growing familiarity of butterflies twist through her stomach. 

Laura rolled her eyes, clinging to the idea that it was like children in grade school. You teased who you liked. It wasn’t that Laura thought Carmilla had a crush on her because, well, not likely. But it was better than the idea that Carmilla teased her because she was just a jerk. Or worse, she didn’t like Laura at all.

Because Laura was likable, dammit. It was one of the qualities she liked most about herself. Her ability to make friends. Carmilla not liking her would blow that talent out of the water.

So as much as she had decided to accept her crush, she also had to figure out how to accept it wouldn't be reciprocated. So she decided to take the teasing and the flirting and just tell herself it meant she was on the road to friendship with Carmilla. And honestly, that would be quite the accomplishment in itself.

——  
  
"Hannibal, Missouri." Perry read the sign as they crossed over the border. "Home to Mark Twain."

"Author of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer." Laura added with a smile. 

Carmilla rolled her eyes, "Is this some twisted version of a game show? Trap people in a car and spout obvious trivia?"

"Someone is still grumpy." Laf added, "Even though they are sitting shotgun. Again."

Carmilla smirked. Laf had yet to find a way around Carmilla's game of stealing shotgun from them every chance she got. "Yeah well, you woke me up before the sun, forced me to climb a mountain and I still haven't had any coffee."

"I'm sure there will be a place to get coffee and snacks before our tour." Perry pulled out her itinerary, "We are the first one of the day. Then we will find a place for breakfast."

"Tour of what?" Laura asked, following Perry's directions for where they were going.   
  
—  
  
“A cave?" Laf asked, excitement written all over their face. 

"Not just _any_ cave." Perry smiled, pleased with her choice of destination, "This is the cave Mark Twain described in five of his books!"

"That's right!" A middle aged woman, too cheerful for her own good, appeared practically out of nowhere. She clapped her hands and started to gather the other people who had shown up for the tour. 

There was a small group of maybe a dozen people gathered at the entrance of the cave, blocked off by a large metal door, sealing it closed. _Sally_ , as she introduced herself, was apparently their tour guide for the morning. 

"Good morning! And welcome to the fascinating caves written about by Hannibal's very own, Mark Twain!" 

Laura noticed Carmilla's face, clearly annoyed already, and bumped their shoulders together, speaking softly "Be nice."

Carmilla furrowed her brows, "I didn't say anything."

"I've spent enough time around you to know you hate people that resemble sunshine." Laura nodded towards their tour guide, with a chuckle. 

 _And yet, I don't hate you_ \- was all Carmilla could think before someone was handing her a lantern. 

“There’s no electricity within these labyrinth style caves. The passages form crisscross patters, which are fun to explore but we ask that you stick with the group so no one gets lost or left behind.” Sally was talking like she reading a children's book to a bunch of infants.

“Hear that?” Laura clicked on her lantern, “Stick with the group.”

“Yeah yeah.” Carmilla clicked hers on, trailing behind the rest of the group slowly, “Exactly how I wanted to spend my morning. What next? A group sing along?”

It didn't take long before the group was shuffling together though the dark cave. Sally spoke animatedly about the stories written about the caves, geological facts, history of the town. Laf and Perry were eating it up. Laf was fascinated by the caves structure, even going as far as arguing some geological facts Sally had claimed were true. The other tour goers looked mildly concerned at the exchange but quickly moved on as they criss crossed through more passageways. Perry was loving every second. The stories, the lanterns, the group bonding as they _‘ooohed’_ and ‘ _ahhhhed’_ together.

Carmilla hated everything about it. That is, everything except the fact that Laura was choosing to stick fairly close to her, no matter how far behind the group they fell.

“Not enjoying the extended trivia game?” Carmilla lifted her lantern so she could make out Laura’s features. Somehow the darkness only made her look brighter.

“What do you mean?” Laura asked, swinging her lantern around, pointedly looking at the cave walls.

Carmilla chuckled, running her fingertips across the cold stone before rubbing them together, the dirt clinging to her fingertips. “You could be up there, soaking in all this fascinating information, and instead… you’re back here with me.”

Laura paused her movements, only for a second, before training her eyes on the shadows moving across the ceiling. “My dad always taught me to use the buddy system. And I’m making an effort to keep you out of trouble.” She turned and smiled at Carmilla, “Besides, I already know all this.”

Carmilla smirked, “Keep me out of trouble?”

Laura smiled and shrugged before trailing after the group before they were completely out of sight. So the morning had started a little rocky. What with beginning with unconscious snuggling, then Carmilla attacking her with tree branches, the sunrise that bordered on romantic, the hike down that went even worse than the hike up, but then the stolen glances and relentless teasing. Laura's feelings were all over the place and she had a hunch that maybe Carmilla’s were too.

No one goes that quickly from flirty to shut down unless something triggers it. Laura wouldn't be Laura if she didn't try find out what that was. So as awkward as it felt, she was trying to flirt. And if the look in Carmilla’s eye was any indication, it was working.

Either that, or the lantern was just reflecting perfectly.

“So what are you? A Mark Twain expert?” Carmilla tried to act casual, but she had doubled her walking speed to catch up to Laura. God she was pathetic.

“I may have read a book or two of his.” Laura tried to play coy, but she wasn't sure if it was working or not. 

“Oh really?” Carmilla decided to play along. “Did you know his real name is—“

“Samuel Langhorne Clemens.” Laura smiled proudly.

Carmilla raised her eyebrows at the interruption. Laura wasn't wrong, and the smile on her face made it clear she was offering Carmilla a challenge.

“Alright, smarty pants.” Carmilla stopped walking, dropping her lantern to her side and letting shadows envelop the space around her. “Care to put a wager on your knowledge?”

The lump in Laura’s throat was an unmistakable sign her flirting was all bravado. She had no idea how to play this game and the playful look on Carmilla’s face and the lowness of her voice made it just as clear Carmilla _did_ know how, and was _very_ good at it.

“What- what kind of wager?” She couldn't even pretend like she was hiding how nervous she felt. Dark cave, cool air, lantern light and echoed sounds. She was sure the entire tour could hear her heart rate pick up.

“Ladies?” Sally was calling to them down the rock corridor, “We are down by two for our group, care to join us?”

“Hear that?” Carmilla smirked, walking towards where the rest of the tour had gone, repeating Laura’s words from earlier, “We better stick with the group.” She kept walking, it didn't take long before she heard footsteps rushing to catch up from behind her.

“Where’d you guys go?” Laf asked as Laura and Carmilla stepped back into the group, Laura apologizing to Sally while Carmilla just let out a bored sigh and rolled her eyes.

“Nowhere.” Laura whispered to Laf once Sally started her tour again, ignoring the frustrated looks from a handful of strangers. “We just, got behind is all.”

"You're missing Sally's presentation." Perry scolded quietly before hurrying to catch up the the group that was already moving forward. 

Laf watched Laura look over her shoulder at Carmilla who was absentmindedly making shapes with her hand in the lantern light. They rolled their eyes when Laura let out a giggle at a bunny shadow. "Just don't get lost."

Laura swatted their shoulder before they walked off, leaving Laura and Carmilla alone behind the rest of the group again. 

"Well look who's breaking the rules." Carmilla didn't look away from her sad excuse of a dog created out of the shadow of her free hand. 

"Buddy system. Remember?" Laura stepped closer, reaching in front of the lantern and making her own shadow puppet. “So, about that wager?"

Carmilla finally looked over, eyebrow raised. Laura seemed nervous and confident all at once. She nodded towards where the group had gone, not wanting to get too far behind, leading Laura after the light trail. 

"First person to run out of facts loses." Carmilla grinned. 

"What's the winner get?" Laura asked after a heavy swallow. 

"I'll tell you when I win."

Laura scoffed. "bring it.” It probably wasn't the smartest idea, Laura wasn't exactly an expert in all things Mark Twain. But what were the chances Carmilla knew more than she did? 

"I'll start." Carmilla smirked, "Died in 1910."

"Worked as a riverboat pilot."

"Only after being a typesetter for his brothers newspaper."

"He filed for bankruptcy to get protection from creditors he owed."

"He later payed back every penny to his creditors even though law didn't require him to.” Carmilla spat back quickly, her footsteps growing slow.

A few more random facts were exchanged quickly. They were falling further behind the group with every one, the light from the others lanterns tapering off. Laura smiled, as fun as this was, she was running out of facts. She should have been worried about what that would mean, Carmilla winning, but she was oddly excited instead. 

"He um... He.." Laura tried to push down the excited flutter in her stomach at the smile on Carmilla's face that came with her stuttering. 

"You out?" Carmilla asked quietly. 

"Give me a second." Laura was praying she could come up with something. 

Carmilla shut off her lantern, the only light emanating from the one in Laura's hand. 

"Did you know he was born shortly after a visit by Halley's comet?" Carmilla was whispering now, shadows dancing across the stone walls with her every movement. "He actually predicted that he would ‘go out with it’, too." 

"Really?" Laura asked quietly.

Carmilla nodded, stepping towards Laura, stopping just in front of her. "He died the day after the comet returned."

"You're lying." Laura narrowed her eyes. 

“Truth.” Carmilla shook her head. "Looks like I won."

Laura tried to glare instead of smile. "Fine." She huffed, "What did you win?”

Carmilla studied her for a moment. "I win.. any activity of my choosing at some point on this trip."

Ok wait. That wasn't where Laura thought this was going. Maybe she was getting ahead of herself. Maybe it was the low light and flirty game and teasing voice that made her think that maybe, just maybe, Carmilla would want something else. 

 _Acceptance_. She was still working on that, especially the part where she was hoping to become at least friends with Carmilla. _Friends_. 

“Right now?" Laura asked confused. There wasn't much to do inside the caves, she couldn't imagine what kind of activity Carmilla would want to do. 

"No." Carmilla smiled, more mischievous than before, "at any moment in the future that I see fit." 

"You want me to just agree to do, _something_ , without knowing what, whenever you decide you want to do it?" Laura wasn't stupid. This seemed like way too much power to give to Carmilla. There was no way she was going to agree to that. Never in a million years. "Deal."

 _Whoops_.

"Great." Carmilla was barely paying attention though, her eyes scanning the cave around them.

Laura thought for sure she would get a bigger reaction. A smirk, perhaps a wink, something. But Carmilla was basically ignoring her and just looking around at nothing. Then it clicked. _She was looking at nothing._  

“Oh my god are we lost?” Laura lifted her lantern, eyes wide.

“Calm down.” Carmilla didn't seem worried in the slightest, “Its a cave, how lost can we really be?”

“Oh I don’t know.” Laura spun in a circle, lantern held high, “Probably really, super, extremely lost!”

Carmilla chuckled at Laura's complete absence of calm, "Don't yell. You'll wake the bats."

"Bats?!" She knew it was the opposite of what Carmilla had just told her to do. But if she thought bringing up bats would be a calming influence, she was dead wrong. "We are lost in a cave with bats?"

"Shhh..." Carmilla pressed a finger to her lips, urging Laura to be quiet. "Stop freaking out. There's No need for all this twitchiness."

"I am not freaking out. And There is a definite absence of twitching." Laura was doing her best to whisper and yell at the same time, "and I'll stop not freaking out when we are unlost and safe from bats."

Laura wasn't sure with how dark it was, what with just her lantern being on still, but it looked like Carmilla was smiling. Not a smirk, or teasing, but just smiling. Bats seemed less important for some reason. 

"Turn off your lantern." Carmilla whispered as she stepped closer to Laura. 

"Because having absolutely zero light in the bat filled cave is exactly what we need to find our way out?" She had never thought Carmilla was stupid until this moment, "Yeah. Sure."

Carmilla rolled her eyes, "just do it."

Laura narrowed her eyes, still not getting what Carmilla thought she was going to accomplish by putting them in complete darkness. After a few seconds of the most annoyed staring contest, Laura finally flipped off her lantern with a sigh. 

Barely any time passed before she asked, "now what?"

"Be patient."

"For what?" Laura mumbled, "to be attacked by bats and never see it coming?"

Carmilla chuckled, "Bats can't see in the dark but can still find their way around."

"I know that." Laura responded indignantly. "Echolocation. I'm not an idiot, Carmilla."

"Geez, do we need to add the dark to that list of fears of yours?" Carmilla chuckled, un phased by the growing worry in Laura's voice. 

"What do you want me to do, screech into the void?" Laura knew this moment would prove useful in the future. If she ever got caught up in the crush she was struggling with, all she would need to do is think of this moment and how completely annoying and impossible Carmilla was being. 

Crush? What crush? This moment had cured her of any crush. 

"Not at all." Carmilla whispered, "just listen."

Maybe the crush wasn't as cured as Laura wanted to tell herself. Because Carmilla's voice was low and incredibly close to her and the fact that it was pitch black and she couldn't see her wasn't worrying her anymore. It was exciting her. 

She closed her eyes, they weren't doing her any good anyway, and for a moment all she could hear was her own heartbeat and her breathing. Then she felt gentle fingers wrap around her arm and all her other senses shut off completely. No sound, no sight, just the feel of fingers pressed against her skin. 

"This way." Carmilla whispered then slid her hand down, fingertips pressing into the inside of Laura's wrist, into her palm, then lacing with her fingers. 

Yep, Laura was done arguing. She wouldn't have minded staying lost a while as long as Carmilla didn't let go. She probably should have cared that she still couldn't see or hear anything, but she didn't. They kept walking, slow steps, but so far Carmilla had kept her from tripping or running into anything so things were going well. For being lost in a bat filled cave, that is. 

Carmilla wasn't as sure about where she was going as she was trying to act. It became pretty clear fairly fast that Laura didn't enjoy their particular predicament and it actually made Carmilla feel bad. She had plenty of experience breaking away from the crowd and doing her own thing, getting lost so to speak, but Laura was a rule follower and didn't see it as an adventure, but a problem. 

She figured if they turned off the lights and stayed silent they would either hear or see the group easier. She wasn't wrong. But then there was the problem of the echo that came with the faint sounds of Sally leading the tour. She could hear Sally’s shrill and overexcited voice, but wasn't completely sure she was headed the right way when she tried to follow it. 

But Laura's hand was warm in her own, and she didn't seem as worried now that they were moving. So Carmilla kept hold of Laura with one hand, her other sliding along the wall to avoid running into anything. Sally hadn't been wrong when she said it was a labyrinth in there. Even though they hadn't been walking for more than a couple minutes, Carmilla was starting to worry she was getting them more lost than they were before. 

Walking through the ever twisting passageways, Carmilla realized Laura had easily trusted her blindly. Literally. For some reason that was what made her so set on leading them out of the cave. Lost or not- she wanted to prove Laura wasn't wrong to trust her. 

"Carm." Laura whispered, squeezing Carmilla's hand. 

"Hmm?" Carmilla felt a breeze and knew they were headed the right direction. Even if she still couldn't see anything. Sally's voice was also getting a little louder.

"If we die in here.." Laura was still whispering as she let Carmilla lead her blindly, "I just want you to know its not _all_ your fault."

"Oh no?" Carmilla chuckled. It was ironic Laura was letting her off the hook now that she was sure she was about to lead them out of the caves. There was light coming around a corner up ahead and the air blowing through the corridor was getting stronger. The exit had to be just up ahead. 

"I mean it's _partly_ your fault. Actually, _mostly_ your fault." Laura sounded thoughtful, like she was seriously trying to figure out what had led to their impending doom in the cave. "I mean, Sally did warn us."

"She did." Carmilla smiled, the path was getting brighter with every step and soon enough she didn't have to drag her free hand against the wall to know where to go. She could see the dirt floor and the twists of the walls, the clear footprints that led straight to the light up ahead. 

"I just never thought I'd die in a cave." Laura sighed. 

Carmilla wasn't sure if she was serious or joking. Or maybe trying to joke about it because she was serious. Either way, when she turned around and saw the pout on Laura's face, eyes closed and hand still gripping firm onto her own, she couldn't help but chuckle. 

"It's not funny-"

"Laura." Carmilla was surprised at the way the name sounded coming from her lips. She wasn't sure she had ever called Laura by her real name, but it tasted sweet and she wanted to say it again. "Laura, open your eyes."

Laura did as she was told and was surprised when she had to blink a few times to adjust to the brightness. “What— but how did you..?”

“Bats.” Carmilla shrugged. “They have the right idea.”

Laura smiled and shook her head. Glancing back over her shoulder at the cave entrance, she wasn't sure why she was even worried to begin with. Holding Carmilla’s hand and seeing the softness in her eyes told her she didn't have anything to worry about when it came to Carmilla.

It had only taken a second before Perry was scolding them for getting lost in the cave while apologizing to Sally profusely for the trouble they caused. It took barely a second after that before Perry ushered them back to the car and glared them into their seats. Only a second after that was Laf giving them a hard time for getting caught holding hands.

“It was dark.” Laura mumbled. “I didn't want to get more lost.”

Carmilla just smirked.

Laf was trying to get a rise out of Carmilla but when she wasn't embarrassed and instead looked absolutely proud of herself for getting hold of Laura’s hand, the appeal disappeared. Instead they slumped back in their seat, taking a sip of water before glancing over at Perry in the drivers seat.

“So where to, Perr?” Laf asked, throwing their feet up on the dashboard.

“Breakfast.” Perry responded with an unimpressed look that made Laf drop their feet immediately. “Unless it will be too difficult to stay in the designated customer areas.” She shot a glare in the rear view mirror at Laura and Carmilla.

Carmilla just shrugged apathetically while Laura tried not to smile.

Acceptance. Denial. Was there a difference, really?

——

“Are you- you weren't kidding.” Carmilla stood there, staring blankly at the building in front of them.

“Of course I wasn't kidding.” Perry was smiling ear to ear.

Having hiked a mountain and endured being lost in the caves, energy was running fairly low for only being 11:00am. After they had finished with the caves, they grabbed a late breakfast before getting back on the road for their 3 hour drive to their next destination. Everyone had been fairly quiet up to that point, Perry clearly disappointed with Carmilla and Laura for not heeding Sally’s warning, Laf just glad to have eaten food finally, Laura still trying to decide how to handle her crush, and Carmilla trying to convince herself she didn't have one.

When Laura had asked where they were heading and received an answer from Perry that they were headed to a Vacuum Museum, she had only laughed. Because, really? But apparently yes, really.

“Huh.” Laura nodded at the sign, “Who knew there was really a vacuum museum.”

“I bet its going to suck.” Carmilla managed to keep a straight face even when Lafontaine erupted in laughter.

"Alright Karnstein, that was a good one." Laf clapped their hand on Carmilla back, ignoring the look of discomfort at the show of friendliness.

"Oh come on." Laura sighed, not really excited herself but realizing she had given Perry full control over their stops. She couldn't really argue. "Maybe it'll be interesting."

It was. The fellow who oversaw it was a wealth of knowledge. 

Each section of the museum was broken down into eras and decorated appropriately. As they walked through each section the carpet changed- Carmilla's favorite was definitely the shag carpet of the 1960s and 70s. Something about tall carpet. It was weird. And wonderful. And who knew there were so many random facts about vacuums? There was even a section dedicated to 'vacuums seen in the movies'. It was by far one of the strangest pit stops they had been to. And that was saying something. 

Laf was talking to the guide about the complexities of the electrical wiring in the older models while Perry was taking advantage of the opportunity to try them out-- seriously, a vacuum museum that lets you vacuum. They probably save a lot on the cleaning staff with that one. In the middle of it all, Carmilla got a phone call. Laura was the only one that even noticed when she walked outside to answer it. 

"I said I'd call in a couple days." She was already over this conversation and she had been the only one to speak so far. 

"That was before I got a phone call from a towing company about a mangled motorcycle." For as serious as the information was, Mattie seemed preoccupied. "Tell me again how you're fine. And then explain to me how you're getting around without your motorcycle."

"You never liked Maxine to begin with." Carmilla scoffed with a smile, "I thought you'd be pleased to hear she was no longer living."

"Normally, yes." There was noise in the background which made it even more clear Mattie was splitting her attention while on the line, "But my concern is not with the motorcycle but with how you're managing without her. I already know you're no longer in the city-"

"State." Carmilla quipped, "No longer in the state."

That got her attention. "Excuse me?"

"Look, I'll explain later." Carmilla sighed,  making her way slowly towards the car, "I'm still fine, I'll still call in a few days. Don't worry about Maxine, I'll take care of it later."

There was silence on the other end and Carmilla knew that wasn't good. Mattie was quick and just as snarky as she was if only with a little more finesse about it- silence usually meant bad news. 

"Why did you really call?" Carmilla leaned back against the car. 

"It seems your mother took your unplanned absence as you backing out of your responsibilities." A pause. "She intends to fight the board on the matter of your inheritance and placement in the company." Silence. "She wants to take control of the company."

"Maybe she should." Carmilla looked at her feet, scuffing against the hard ground. 

"Carmilla." Was Matties response. "Your father."

"You know I never wanted it." Carmilla defended, the mention of her father making her frustrated and angry, "she's made it into something twisted and I hate it."

There was a heavy sigh on the other end of the phone, "You would never get it back."

Carmilla didn't know how to respond.

"Just think about it."

"Fine." She clenched her jaw, "I'll think about it."

"It doesn't have to be what she's made it." Mattie's voice sounded mischievous. She was good at that, playing both sides. Not saying anything that could start trouble but at the same time saying the exact thing that would. Somehow loyal to Lilita while having a special bond with Carmilla. 

She was one of the few people Carmilla actually cared about and trusted. Even if she was her mothers right hand man. Somehow Carmilla always knew Mattie was on her side. 

"By the way, find out where you are so I can watch the news for arrests or murders in the area." Mattie lightened the mood and was already back to multitasking. 

"Funny." Carmilla chuckled, twisting her toe into the ground. "I'm at a vacuum museum."

"Fine. Don't tell me." Mattie's voice was the perfect inflection to let Carmilla know she was rolling her eyes. "Call me soon."

Carmilla hung up and glanced back at the small museum. She had managed to escape without protest, there was no way she was going to walk back in willingly. Especially after what Mattie had told her. 

Things already felt complicated enough without the added information that Lilita was planning on pushing Carmilla out for good. It shouldn't have been a surprise. When Carmilla found out the company would be hers to take over on her 24th birthday, she hadn't exactly been thrilled. She was 13, had just lost her father, and was quickly being sent off to boarding school. What little say she had concerning her life before, had completely vanished. 

Now her classes, her extracurricular activities, even dating options were being chosen for her to put her on the path of taking over a company she knew nothing about. She had never wanted it. Resented it, in fact. Had done everything in her power to make things difficult for her mother and the others trying to 'get her in line' or 'prepare her' for a life she hadn't chosen. 

But when Mattie had mentioned that once her mother got hold of it, she would never get it back, Carmilla had mixed feelings. 

It would be a waste of a lifetime. Want it or not, she had spent most of her life preparing for it. What would she do without it?

"Hey." 

Carmilla hadn't even noticed Laura walking towards her, too busy with her own thoughts and the toe of her boots scraping against the ground. 

"Hey." She nodded, her eyes quickly dropping back to the ground. It was painful how much she was failing at her plan to deny her growing feelings. Especially since holding Laura's hand in the cave. It had ended far more quickly than she liked. And Carmilla knew she was in trouble. 

"Everything ok?" Laura leaned back against the car like Carmilla was, leaving a bit of space between them. 

She was still very much confused how their 'relationship' worked. It was still pretty up and down- getting along fine, then the opposite. Holding hands, then sitting as far away in the back seat as possible. It was like an Olympic game of ping pong and Laura was struggling knowing which side was winning. Friends? Travel buddies? Whats a step down from travel buddies...?

They weren't quite enemies. The teasing had become more playful than mean, but things still went extremely fast from hot to cold at the weirdest times. 

"Perfect." Carmilla answered flatly. "Red 1 and 2 still enjoying the thrilling experience of vacuums through the ages?"

"It _was_ a weird stop." Laura agreed to Carmilla's real meaning behind her comment.

"Remind me again why you gave up any control over this trip?" The reminder that control of her own life had never been hers and how much she hated it made her wonder why Laura had given it up so freely. 

Laura just shrugged. She really didn't have an answer. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Have an adventure, not have to make any decisions, just be along for the ride. But the more Carmilla brought it up and as their stops got stranger as they went on, she realized maybe giving up total control wasn't the best idea. 

They both fell silent. It didn't seem like anything else needed to be said. There was weird energy between them, they both felt it, but both blamed themselves. 

When the other two emerged from the building, Carmilla offered to drive, hoping it would be a distraction from her own thoughts. It wasn't something she had to figure out right that second, she had time, and just needed something to take her mind off it it. 

Perry directed her back to the highway, headed south. So far there wasn't any real method to their direction that Carmilla could tell. They always were headed west, but seemed to be zigzagging north and south in a surprisingly inefficient way. Carmilla figured that's what they had to do in order to make a 3 day journey take two weeks. It made her wonder if Perry had just googled strange pit stops just to kill time, extend the drive, make it last. Vacuum museum didn't seem like the kind of thing you searched for specifically. It had to be a happy stumbled upon search result. There's no way she knew it existed, or even weirder, had searched it in hopes that it did. 

"Would you rather have to announce your arrival every time you walked into a room, or curtsy every time someone spoke to you?"

"How do you even come up with these?" Carmilla shook her head. It was a never ending game of ridiculous with these guys. 

"Do you have a better idea to kill time?" Laura had been counting how many times Carmilla had rolled her eyes since the game had started up. 

18.

That was also the number of questions that had been asked. 

"How about the silent game?" Carmilla suggested with complete annoyance. 

Perry pulled out her map, dragging her finger along the highway line they had been following, finding where she suspected they were, then dragging it to the marked pitstop. “We should be fairly close. Another 10 minutes, maybe.”

“Perfect.” Carmilla sighed, “10 minutes of silence. Go.”

It was the longest and most awkward 10 minutes any of them had ever experienced. When it finally ended and they reached their destination, it didn't get any better.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Carmilla gripped the wheel, leaning forward to peer out the front window at their destination.

“Ok, wow.” Laura leaned forward too.

“What?” Perry asked innocently at everyones less than thrilled expressions.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Perry.” Laura turned around to look at the back seat, “But maybe we should revamp our stop list.”

“This doesn't look exciting to you?” Perry asked, honestly surprised by their lack in interest.

Laf patted Perry’s knee, “Even _I’m_ a little… surprised you picked this.”

**_World's Largest Small Electric Appliance Museum._ **

Really.

“Let me read the information, it might change your mind.” Perry pulled out a printed sheet of paper (She had one for every stop) and started reading from it, “One man's epic collection of small electric appliances. 7,000+ small electric appliances, including percolator coffee pots, waffle irons, hot plates, blenders, mixers, razors, hair dryers, popcorn poppers, and fans—“

“No.” Carmilla shook her head, shifting the car in reverse, “No.” She turned around, arm reaching behind Laura’s seat to watch where she was going. “No.” After pulling far enough back, she shifted into drive, not even waiting before pulling back onto the road, “I refuse.”

There were a couple of chuckles, everyone at least smiling at Carmilla’s executive decision to not even shut off the car and just drive away. Even Perry was more amused than hurt at the response to her pit stop choice.

“It really did look interesting.” Perry shrugged with a smile.

“We seriously need to address what you think interesting means.” Carmilla shifted, one hand on the wheel, the other going for her phone.

“Woah, what are you- Carm, eyes on the road!” Laura gripped the handle on the door after a slight shift of the car when Carmilla dropped her eyes to her phone.

“Take the wheel a minute.” Carmilla murmured, glancing up from her phone to the road then over to Laura.

“”What?” Laura’s eyes were wide.

“Take the wheel.” Carmilla nodded to it then looked back at Laura. When the other girl just started at her blankly, Carmilla rolled her eyes and dropped her hand to her phone along with her eyes.

Laura finally got the idea and lunged for the steering wheel, “What are you doing?!”

“Looking for something.” 

“You couldn't pull over first?” Laura was watching the road, leaning across the seat to keep hold of the wheel.

“This seemed more fun.” Carmilla shrugged, still scanning her phone.

“I vote Carmilla doesn't drive anymore.” Laf mumbled, “And loses shotgun privileges.”

“I really didn't think appliances would cause this much trouble.” Perry was watching the road closely as they kept driving.

Carmilla wasn't completely reckless. The road they were on wasn't busy in the slightest. The place they had stopped was basically someones home, in a small town. They hadn't seen a street light in miles and so far they had seen more farm life than people. And hearing everyones reactions to her dropping control of the wheel was far too entertaining not to enjoy it a little longer.

“Alright.” Carmilla dropped her phone in her lap and took hold of the wheel again.

The rest of the car let out relieved sighs and relaxed into their seats. Laura smacked Carmilla’s shoulder before crossing her arms over her chest, “Don’t do that!”

“What?” Carmilla smirked, “We’re fine. And we have a new destination. One with fewer blenders.”

Laura looked over at her, still trying to glare, but too intrigued to keep it up. “What did you find?”

Carmilla glanced over, raising an eyebrow and giving Laura her best smirk, “That would ruin the surprise.”

Carmilla had done a very, _very_ quick search on her map of popular destinations near them. A few turned up, nothing too exciting. They were practically in the middle of nowhere. The fact that a Vacuum Museum had been the big draw should have tipped her off. They weren't too far from the state border, she could easily head to Kansas or Oklahoma. By luck though, Carmilla noticed a particular destination that she knew would prove to be much more interesting than waffle irons and hair dryers.

It only took a couple minutes before they started making guesses as to where Carmilla was taking them. They had no idea. Not even close.

20 minutes later when Carmilla pulled into an empty parking lot, littered with pieces of garbage and cracks in the foundation, they were still guessing.

“We’re here.” Carmilla pulled up to an old chainlink fence.

“Uh, I’m pretty sure this place is closed.” Laf commented, rolling the window down, “And has been for a very long time.”

“Yep.” Thats all she said before Carmilla climbed out of the car and walked over to the fence.

The other three quickly got out of the car and followed her, lining up along the fence to look at what Carmilla was smiling at. It was a closed off area that looked to be the length of about 3 football fields. Grass was overgrown in patches, dead in others. It looked like it hadn't been used in quite a while.

It was the cutest miniature amusement park any of them had ever seen. On the edge of the grounds, right next to the fence was a ferris wheel. It wasn't the biggest or the tallest, but it still had some height. Next to it was an old looking train track. Tiny. Probably used to run toddlers in circles, no larger than the space it would take to park a couple cars. Next to that, a ride that used to turn in circles, elephant shaped seats that would fly a few feat above ground as it spun. The wires that held up the seats were old, some snapped, and more elephants sat on the ground than hung from the ride.

“What is this place?” Laura asked, wide eyed as she followed Carmilla along the fence to get a better view of what else was there.

“Route 66 Carousel Park, of course.” Carmilla’s fingers drug along the fence, rattling it as she went.

Laura rolled her eyes, even watching the backside of Carmilla she could imagine the smug expression on her face. “Of course.”

“Its closed now.” Carmilla added, mischief in her voice. “But that seems unimportant.”

“Unimportant?” Perry was scurrying after them, a worried expression on her face. “It seems to be the most important part if you ask me.”

“Is that a dragon?!” Laf sped by Perry, fingers gripping into the fence next to a miniature roller coaster.

“Alligator.” Carmilla corrected, stopping next to them. 

It was a rollercoaster track with a subtle up and down curve, the highest point barely reaching 4 feet from the ground, just a circle of up and down track. The alligator, was the leader in the line of cars you sat in to ride. It had a red hat and matching scarf. There was no way any of them were small enough to fit in its seats comfortably.

Spinning Tea Cups, carousel, and a three track slide you rode down on mats filled the rest of the space within the fence. All child sized rides, rusted, chipped paint and falling apart. Beyond the row of rides looked to be a few carnival games, or what was left of them, and a large tent that was closed off. Whatever was inside, blocked from being seen.

“Well, shall we?” Carmilla turned to look at the three standing with her, all giving her a confused look.

“Shall we what?” Laura looked at the two standing behind her before turning back to Carmilla.

“Play.” Carmilla winked then started climbing the fence.

Definitely more interesting than small appliances.

—

“The longer we stand here arguing, the more trouble Carmilla can get into on her own.” Laura sighed, shifting her weight and pinching the bridge of her nose.

“So what?” Perry was clearly flustered, “Join her and get into trouble _with_ her?”

"That's one option." Laf shrugged. 

Perry clicked her tongue un approvingly, hardening her look at Laf and putting her hands on her hips. 

"The other option..." Laura pulled their attention, hoping to stop a full on argument before it started. It was only early afternoon and she really didn't want to spend the rest of the day with everyone angry at one another. "..would be for us to join her and none of us to get in trouble. Look around, this place is deserted."

Perry looked around with a sigh. It was pretty barren. They hadn't seen another car since they had stopped, it wasn't just the park that looked like it had been abandoned, and it was the middle of the afternoon so it would be easy for them to spot anyone coming. 

"Come on Perr." Laf grinned, "that alligator looks pretty lonely."

Perry struggled to keep a stern expression with Laf’s pleading, "Fine."

Once Laura started climbing the fence, there was no turning back.

"I don't think this is going to work." Laura shifted uncomfortably in one of the green cars that fell behind the smiling alligator. The seat was small, clearly made for children, and although she didn't have too much height to worry about, it was still a tight fit. 

"Sure it will." Carmilla was balancing her feet on one of the rails, her hands holding to the back of the last green car. "It's like the brain explained. Momentum, force, yada yada."

"I think that yada yada was our chances of doing this without an accident occurring." Perry's voice was shaky, her knuckles white as they held to the safety bar in front of her, "which weren't good."

"That's why I said yada yada instead." Carmilla grumbled through gritted teeth as she began to push against the kart. 

It took a lot less convincing than she expected to get the others to help her get the alligator and its fellow cars to a high point on its small track. When she told them to climb in, that's when she got a little more resistance. Eventually they had all gotten into their own cars, knees high and completely squished, but in. 

Laf had taken the time to explain that once they got a good push, the momentum would keep them going for at least a little bit, depending on weight distribution and a few other factors Carmilla hadn't bothered to listen to. They also decided it was a good idea to share their chances of having something go wrong. It was almost inevitable.

Carmilla just rolled her eyes at that part and found a good foot placement to be able to push them over the edge and start their ride around the small track. 

It took a moment of nothing happening before the alligator started to inch forward. Perry was silently nervous, wide eyes and white knuckles. Laf had a grin on their face you would expect from a mad scientist about to bring someone back to life, and Laura looked a mixture of excited and terrified. 

Carmilla gave it one more push, ignoring the ache in her shoulder at the exertion. As soon as it started moving easier and in a downward direction, she jumped into the kart. Barely sliding into it in time, her feet hanging over one end, her head the other, only her ass actually in the seat.

But the alligator was moving, bumping abruptly over the old track as it descended. Carmilla wasn't sure it was going to make it up the next rise in the track, but the alligators head had made it just far enough to start falling down the other side of the hump and begin to pull them the rest of the way. Laf had been right, momentum and shit.

Laura let out a laugh as the alligator picked up speeding, jarring movements as it fell down the next dip in the track. It was the least smooth roller coaster any of them had been on, jostling and bumping as it made its way around. 

Carmilla pulled herself into her kart, bumping hard against the front of it as the rail dipped downward again, throwing her off balance. Her hands reached to grab onto something for stability and landed on Laura's shoulders as she sat in the kart in front of her. 

Laura turned to look at her, one hand coming up to grab onto Carmilla's as she laughed, shifting in her own seat with the harsh movements. 

They would roll quickly down, then slow as the alligator struggled to get over the next rise of the track. Somehow just when they thought their alligator wouldn't make it any further, it would fall over the other side and start to pull them down. Quick, slow, quick, slow, but never quite stopping. 

Laf raised both hands in the air and let out a long "wooo!" And even Perry was laughing. 

That all ended when they made it over the next hump. It should have occurred to one of them to check the entire track before starting their slow journey around it, but it hadn't. Just over halfway around from where they started, one of the rails was snapped, breaking the trail that would keep them rolling along in their high, low, circle. It was just past the bottom of one of the humps, which meant they would hit it while they actually had a little speed. 

"The track!" Laura yelled but was still laughing. She pulled her hand from Carmilla's to point to the broken rail.

"Everybody hold on!" Laf yelled dramatically. 

The speed they were traveling was slow enough they weren't in any real danger. That's what had actually made the ride so comical to begin with. They were just barely rolling, bumping over patches of rust and chipped rail. Barely making it up the incline before slowly dropping down the other side.  

What happened next was the most anticlimactic roller coaster accident to ever happen in all of history. 

Just like with every hill before, the alligator head made it just over the top in time to keep moving. But this time, as it dropped down the decline on the other side, the track it was following was soon coming to an end, leading the alligator in the red hat and scarf straight to the ground. 

The smiling face of the alligator hit the ground with an anticlimactic _*thud*._ The cars the group were sitting in, coming to an abrupt halt behind it. But that wasn't all. Without the track, there was nothing keeping the alligator upright one he hit the ground and he started to tilt, slowly, excruciatingly so, falling to his side and pulling the other karts with him.

I was almost slow motion, the kind of crash you see in a cartoon. One by one the karts slowly dipped to the side, the riders squished within them bracing themselves as they awkwardly toppled over. 

Perry was in the leading kart, letting out a quiet "oh my." as her cart softly teetered over, being closest to the ground it barely a wreck from her perspective. Laf was next, an excited "wooo!" was yelled before they fell from the kart. Laf’s kart was further from the ground, but just barely. Tipping, but not just landing on its side, but leaning further, the seat facing the ground more. A puff of dust wafting where they dropped then rolled on the dry ground.

Laura's kart was even further from the ground, having only made it partly down the decline before the alligator crashed into the ground. She hadn't stopped laughing since the ride started and as her kart started to tip, her laughter only got louder. The kart tipped, but somehow stayed on the track, instead just attempting to dump her from her seat. She tried to hold on but couldn't through her laugher, her back hitting the ground with a _*thud*_ while her feet stayed up in the air, managing to stay in the overturned kart. 

Carmilla had just barely gotten herself situated after jumping in after pushing them to a start when the alligator started to topple over. Seeing the first three fall gracelessly to the ground, Carmilla decided she wasn't going to hit the ground at all. Her kart was the furthest from the ground, still fairly high on the last hill they had made it up. While Laura's kart had tipped just a little upside down, Carmilla would be more upside down than upright when things stopped moving. 

"No way!" Laf yelled when they turned to look at the others. They stood up and went to help Perry up before sticking out a hand for Laura. 

Laura stood up and immediately started laughing when she looked back at Carmilla. "Now how did you manage that?"

"You look like a bat." Laf grinned, bending over and tilting their head to get a look at how Carmilla was situated. “How are you doing that?”

"Make fun all you want but I'm the only one that didn't end up on my ass in the dirt." Carmilla crossed her arms over her chest, trying to act as casual as possible. 

The fact that she was basically sitting upside down in her kart made it difficult. 

Not wanting to fall out, Carmilla had crossed her feet in the tiny space in front of her, shoving them as far into the corners as possible and locking her knees against the frame of the kart. Essentially she had pinned herself into her seat and when it followed the others in its attempt to fall off the track, it stopped short, hanging on the rail and twisting to hang Carmilla upside down. 

Her hair was the only thing brushing against the dusty ground as she forced herself to stay put. It didn't last long. Her feet started to slip and her knees were sliding against the frame as she started to drop towards the ground. She didn't even have time to un cross her arms to catch herself before she was crashing against her shoulder on the ground. It was barely a drop so it was more embarrassing than painful but she still groaned as her feet flopped on the ground after her. 

Lafontaine erupted in loud laugher, even Perry was giggling, trying to stifle it by covering her mouth with her hands. Laura however, had a smug grin on her face.

"What was that about not falling on your ass?"

Carmilla just glared up at her from her position on the ground.

—

Things after that were a little less eventful. They all made their way over to the slide, a pile of mats were still stacked by the stairs- some so old and worn out that Perry refused to touch them. Once they found some suitable to sit on, they would run up the stairs, count down from 3, then race to the bottom. 

There were only three tracks so Carmilla offered to sit that one out with the excuse of "I wouldn't want to make you feel bad for losing every time."

Really, she just wanted the chance to listen to Laura's laugh and see her smile while Laura was too distracted to notice. It's not that she had forgotten about her decision to deny what she felt, or was starting to feel, she just needed a break from trying to ignore it. It was hard to deny how wonderful Laura was, even if it was just to herself. 

While they were all running back up the stairs with their mats for what seemed like the 20th time, Carmilla walked over to the swinging elephants, climbing inside one and throwing her legs up and out the front of the seat to recline. It was nice to have a break from being in the car. The more she was confined to it the more she missed her motorcycle. 

The open air, the sunshine, the wind. She hated the sound of it but loved the way it felt. It was a constant pressure as she moved through it swiftly. It was like flying. It was like sitting at the bottom of the pool. Pressure from something she had no control over, but complete control of herself.

“Mind if I join you?” Laura voice was timid as she approached Carmilla. Gripping one of the wires still secured to a swinging elephant, she tried to move it, testing its stability.

“I think my elephant is a little small to share.” Carmilla didn't open her eyes or shift her position. She had managed to find a way to sit comfortably in the small seat and she hadn't decided yet if Laura was a welcomed interruption or not.

“Good thing theres this nice free pink one right here.” Laura patted the head of one of the other elephants. It was still attached to the arm connected to the ride that used to swing it around. Having given the wire a tug just a moment ago she decided it was safe to climb into.

Carmilla wasn't exactly sure what was happening. She was keeping her eyes closed but could hear the subtle grunts from Laura and whines from the taxed wires. It sounded like she was struggling getting into the hanging elephant.

“These things…” Laura was trying to pull her legs inside the small space, “..aren’t that big…” she glanced at Carmilla to see how she had done it and sighed when she saw Carmilla hadn't tried to put her feet inside, “…are they?” She grunted slightly as she tried to pull her legs back out and copy the way Carmilla was sitting.

Carmilla finally opened her eyes and looked up at Laura as she struggled to get comfortable, watching her with a slightly amused expression. She really was struggling to get situated in that small pink elephant. 

Man, what a weird afternoon.

Finally getting situated, her feet resting up in the curve of the elephants trunk, her ass in the seat, Laura smiled proudly at Carmilla. It was a second too soon, though. After going unused for years on wires that were already at the end of their life, her weight proved to be too much. The one holding the back snapped first, followed by the one in the front. A quick _ka-thunk ka-thunk_ as the legs dropped to the ground left Laura flailing her arms and legs in surprise, the smile gone from her face and replaced with a look of surprise.

Carmilla couldn't hold back the laugh at the image of Laura falling the 6 inches to the ground in a tiny pink elephant. Gosh she was cute, even in the strangest of circumstances. “Smooth Sundance, smooth.”

Once Laura was sure she was fine, she looked back up at Carmilla with a smile. “Yeah, ok. So I’m not the most graceful person ever.”

"I think that's an understatement." Carmilla chuckled before turning her attention to the pair of red heads that had climbed in the carousel. Perry was sitting side saddle on one of the horses while Laf was hooting and hollering, swinging an arm over their head while they pretended they were actually moving. 

Laura followed her line of sight and smiled when she saw the pair in the carousel. "This was actually a really good idea."

Carmilla just turned back to look at her, not doing anything else to acknowledge what she had said. 

"This stop, I mean." Laura shifted under Carmilla stare, "when you started climbing the fence I wasn't so sure, but it's actually been pretty fun."

"Breaking and entering." Carmilla commented with a flirty tone, "who knew that was your thing?"

Laura felt the familiar butterflies in her stomach but rolled her eyes to try to brush it off. Once again, Carmilla was surprising her. Ever since their adventure in the cave, something about her seemed different. She seemed more hesitant about everything, which was the opposite of how she would have described Carmilla before. 

"Aren't you having fun?" Good call Laura, turn the attention back to Carmilla so you don't have to admit she might have a point about the breaking and entering thing. 

"I mean, I wish we were looking at waffle makers instead but this works I guess." She managed to hold a straight face up until the moment Laura realized she was kidding and smiled. 

It was pathetic how that's all it took to mess up Carmilla's closed off exterior. Which is why she was so caught off guard by what happened next. 

"You haven't said much about home." Laura shrugged, shifting side to side like she was tying to rock her elephant. "Or anything personal, really."

Carmilla just watched her for a second. There wasn't a question in there and she wasn't sure how to respond. 

"It's weird we've been driving together for a few days and you're still kind of a stranger." 

"There's not much to tell." Normally she would just lie. Say something to satisfy curiosity then change the subject. But with Laura, she couldn't bring herself to lie more than she already had.

"I know that's not true." Laura chuckled, "I got yelled at by your girlfriend, remember?"

"Ex." Carmilla was quick to correct her. "Ex girlfriend."

Laura smiled like that's exactly what she was after. "So what's the story there?"

Carmilla just sighed like she had been caught but still wasn't going to say anything. "What is this? Journalistic curiosity?"

Laura managed to look a little sheepish. So maybe part of it was her tendency to see a story in everything, but part of it was also just her wanting to know more about Carmilla. 

"No." Laura frowned, "just simple curiosity. You said you quit your job, left home, a girlfriend- _ex_ girlfriend but then say there isn't much to tell."

"It's complicated."

"I'm actually pretty smart." Laura gave her a small smile, "I bet I could keep up."

Carmilla clenched her jaw. Not because she was angry, but because she wanted to explain everything to Laura for some reason. Her eyes were understanding, and her smile kind. Everything about her made Carmilla want to trust her and shut down at the same time. 

Laura was that feeling of freedom she craved. The way she made Carmilla feel was confusing and new and everything Carmilla had been missing. For as long as she could remember, she felt empty. Like a pawn moving where she was told, no choice, no reason to care. But now, she was making her own moves, and the feelings she had been void of for so long were churning inside her and as hard as it was to keep up with them, it was incredible. 

Carmilla felt empty like the sight of her had pulled the air completely from her lungs.  Full, like her heart held so much adoration for a girl she barely knew that it was moments away from exploding. The world around her was colorless yet gold was at her fingertips and reflecting in warm brown eyes looking at her. 

Everything about Carmilla was complicated. Her past, her present, the way she felt in this moment. Laura wanted to understand, but Carmilla wasn't sure she even understood. 

She wanted to tell her everything. She wanted to tell her nothing. She wanted Laura to understand and at the same time she didn't want to lose the freedom of her knowing nothing at all. She was stuck. 

"What's that?" Laura's attention snapped away from carmilla, her eyes wide as she looked down the road. 

Carmilla turned quickly and saw what Laura had noticed. Down the road and headed right towards them was a truck. 

"Shit." Carmilla scrambled out of her elephant and grabbed Laura's hand, "Come on." 

They ran over to the carousel where Laf and Perry were still pretending to ride horses and got their attention. After pointing out the truck headed towards them, Carmilla tugged on Laura's hand and started jogging towards the closed off tent that sat behind the rides they had been playing on. Laf and Perry followed quickly, all trying to get out of sight before getting caught. 

They ducked inside the tent just as the truck was approaching the edge of the grounds. Out of breath and worry written on their faces, Lafontaine, Perry and Laura all watched Carmilla as she peeked between the flap they had entered through. 

"Well the good news is I don't think they saw us." Carmilla paused as everyone sighed, "bad news is it's a state trooper." 

"What?!" Perrys eyes were wide with worry. "I can't go to jail! I've seen what it's like. I watch tv!"

Carmilla couldn't help the amused expression that covered her face. 

"It's filthy in those places." Perry was close to hyperventilating. Apparently more worried about the cleanliness than the fact that it would be jail. 

"Shhh." Carmilla shook her head, peeking back out the curtain as they all huddled close to her. "Calm down. He won't see us." At least that's what she was hoping. 

Laura peeked out of the same flap in time to see the trooper keep driving. He didn't even slow down as he passed the old park and was quickly out of sight. 

"He's gone." Laura assured the pair waiting patiently. 

Carmilla turned around and chuckled, "you should have seen your face. I can't go to jail, oh no!" She exaggerated her worried tone to make fun of her.

Perry just glared at her, "this would have never happened if we were at the small appliance museum."

Carmilla looked past Perry, her smile growing wider before stepping by her, "True, but we wouldn't have found this either."

Everyone turned around to see what Carmilla was looking at. The tent had been dark when they first walked in, no doubt the contrast of the bright afternoon sun and dark tent making it even harder for them to see at first.

Now that they could all see, they looked around the tent with varied expression. The ground was a smooth mat instead of dirt like the rest of the place had been. Scattered across the mat within the tent were tiny cars with big rubber edges around the bottom. 

"Bumper cars." Laura whispered, looking around the tent with a smile. 

“Hey, brain?" Carmilla glanced over at Laf, "think you can bring it to life?"

“Please.” Laf scoffed, interlocking their fingers and stretching their arms out, cracking their knuckles, “Is the mass of the proton about 1,840 times the mass of the electron and slightly less than the mass of the neutron?”

“Uh..” Carmilla looked over at Laura and was glad she looked as confused as she felt.

“Yes.” Laf nodded, walking over to the electrical box, “The answer is yes.”

While Laf worked on getting it to work, Carmilla and Laura had pushed all the cars to the edges of the mat, leaving the middle open to drive around on. After a few minutes of splicing wires and trying to get an old generator they found to work, the lights in the tent flickered on and a dull hum echoed through the tent as the bumper cars came to life. The current flowing through the ceiling and down the conductor poles attached to the cars vibrated quietly as they all made their way out to choose a car.

Carmilla dropped down into her car and jolted forward when she pressed the gas. Laura had done the same thing and immediately started to laugh. Carmilla was busy watching Laura trying to figure out how to control her car that she didn't notice Perry driving right towards her until their cars slammed into each other.

“Oh dear.” Perry tried to back up but only crashed her car into Carmilla’s again.

Carmilla narrowed her eyes and turned her wheel, shifting her car around to face Perry head on, “Oh its on.”

The next half hour before the generator died was probably the most hilarious and entertaining part of the trip so far.

——

Why did all her brilliant ideas turn to horrible ones with just the simplest of comments from Carmilla?

It was like receiving the prettiest gift, wrapped in the most elegant paper and beautiful bow only to find out once you've opened it, it had been a swarm of angry bees just waiting to escape. And as you question all your life choices that led to the moment when you opened that gift, Carmilla sat watching from the side with a smile on her face, pleased with the impeccable wrapping job she had done. 

Because Carmilla deviating from the plan had worked out so freaking well, why wouldn’t an impulsive decision made by Laura provide the same kind of adventure? Because Laura wasn’t that lucky. Or Carmilla was just magical and everything just worked out for her perfectly.

“You’re really not going to help?” Laura huffed, having just pulled the spare tire from the trunk.

“Three heads are better than four.” Carmilla didn’t even bother looking up from her book.

“Thats not even the saying.” Laura spat back. Sure, this whole predicament was her own fault, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t be frustrated with Carmilla for how she was acting.

Back to the bees, because that's the real problem. A gift that went wrong. 

Breaking into the park had turned out to be a ton of fun. After a few worried comments, everyone lightened up and had a great time. So great that Perry actually suggested they be more flexible with their travel plans to allow for other spontaneous stops. _Perry_! Although she did request that no more of them be illegal. But still, coming from Perry, that was huge. 

So as Laura was driving, feeling really good about the trip, about Carmilla, and pretty much everything about that day, she saw a sign for a 'look out point' and veered off the road to follow the sign. 

Great flirty sunrise hike, holding hands in a cave, an entire afternoon without a rude comment at a park, everything was going great. Right?

The gift: freedom. Freedom she didn't even know she wanted until Carmilla unknowingly gave it to her. 

She didn't have to feel bad about pulling off the road or setting them back in their travel time because all of a sudden, they were given permission to wing it. She didn't have to stress herself with making the plans, (which is why she let Perry do it all in the first place) but if she saw something she wanted to do, she could.

The bees within the gift: "Look who's finally making a decision." Was the first thing Carmilla said when Laura pulled off the road. Even though she had the thought to stop and get back on the highway after the little turnoff turned into a near off-roading adventure, the comment made Laura dig in her heels. 

Because she was capable of making a decision. And she was tired of Carmilla pointing out how rare that had happened on this trip. So she drove on. To the stupidest lookout point ever. You couldn't even see anything, there was no obvious reason why it had even been marked as a lookout. 

So after standing at the lame ass lookout for a minute, then ignoring Carmilla's annoying chuckle, Laura drove the car back to the highway. Not a mile later she noticed the car pulling to the right. It wasn't too bad at first, but after a few minutes it was quite difficult to keep the car going straight and it just felt weird. When she pulled over to see what was going on, as soon as she got to the front tire on the passenger side it was clear it was flat. 

Like, super flat. 

Behold... bees. 

Laura's first act after gaining this newfound freedom had led them to get a flat tire. 

And somehow Carmilla seemed smug about it.

-

"That's not even the saying."

"We can figure it out." Laf tried to reassure her, "between the three of us, it'll be no problem."

_It was a problem._

"I think you're turning it the wrong way--"

"Perry, righty tighty, lefty loosey." Laf grunted, trying to unscrew the bolts holding the tire to the car. 

"Guys, we have to use this first, I think." Laura lifted up the jack in her hands. 

"Can we just call someone?" Perry asked timidly. 

"Come on, we got this." Laf fell back to sit the ground, resting their forearms on their knees, "we just need to be smarter than the car."

"Who knew your genius didn't extend to auto mechanics?" Laura smiled, sitting down on the ground next to Laf. 

Carmilla had been watching over the edge of her book as the three struggled to figure out how to replace the flat tire with the spare. They were getting worse at figuring it out as time went on. She didn't really mind at first. It was entertaining, and it was nice to have a break from sitting in the car. 

Since leaving the park they had driven just under 2 hours. Their late breakfast had worked out great to keep them satisfied while they played around, but it was getting later and Carmilla was already past hungry. Plus there was fact that the sky was getting darker, and not because the sun was setting. Dark cloud were closing in on them and it was only a matter of time before they were hit with rain. 

Carmilla watched as Laura tried to force one of the tire screws loose and almost hit herself in the face in the process. 

"Alright." She shut her book, rolling her eyes and tossing it through the open door to the back seat. "Stop before you embarrass yourselves any further."

"Oh, not only are you suddenly going to be helpful but you think you can do better?" Laura was annoyed beyond belief. She was tired of the roller coaster of liking Carmilla and wanting to strangle her. Fun, flirting Carmilla then smug, annoying Carmilla. 

It was to the point where she was mostly angry at herself for having a crush on this girl. Because no matter what version of Carmilla she was being, Laura still liked her, no matter how much she didn't want to. 

Because even her smug smirk was attractive, and her sarcastic comments were quite witty, and the extra sway she added to her hips when she was being an ass was hypnotizing. 

It was ridiculous. Acceptance was Laura's worst idea yet because now that she had accepted it, it's like she couldn't think about anything else. 

"I don't think I can do better." Carmilla stopped next to the flat tire, looking down at Laf and Laura who were still seated on the ground. "I know I can."

Carmilla had quite a few random skills thanks to her upbringing, private school and her constant desire to piss her mother off. Beyond musical aspects, she had taken a class on flower arranging, horse riding lessons, welding and woodwork, etiquette, she was fluent in 3 languages and had actually spent a semester taking auto shop. She had basically rebuilt Maxine, and knew her way around cars pretty well too. So when she said she could do better, she wasn't exaggerating. 

Which turned out to be a really good thing because those storm clouds were just about to cover them. 

"Get in the car and sit still." Carmilla reached out her hand to help Laura up before she could even think about it. 

Laura hesitated a second, if only because she was sure she was in one of her 'I hate carmilla' moments, and suddenly she was being kind of nice. But she let Carmilla pull her up, brushing her hands on her pants before helping Laf up and doing what Carmilla had told them to. 

She wasn't sure what Carmilla planned to do on her own. The three of them working together had proved to be useless, she couldn't possibly have better luck by herself. When a couple early raindrops hit the windshield Laura sighed and leaned out her window to tell Carmilla they could just call road side assistance, but as soon as her head was out the window, the car was being lifted.

Laura froze, because dammit Carmilla was doing better changing the tire. But also, _hot damn_. 

Carmilla was crouched over, back to Laura as she pumped the jack to lift the car. It had taken her barely any time at all to get it situated and even less time to actually lift the car. Laura watched as she grabbed the tire iron to finish removing the bolts she had already loosened. They fell easily into her hand one by one until they were all out. Carmilla just set them aside and shifted her body to pull the tire from the car.

It looked like she had done this a hundred times before and the only sign it took any effort at all was the grease that had smudged across her hands and the strip that had clung to her shirt as she moved to set the flat tire aside. It was hot. Watching Carmilla just pull the tire from the car like she knew exactly what she was doing. Plus, the added bonus of raindrops on skin and view of the muscles needed to change the tire just added to the whole thing.

She grabbed the spare and rolled it over to the now empty wheel well before standing up straight. Using her right forearm she wiped at her brow before using her hand to grip her injured shoulder and rub it gently.  

Laura had forgotten about her shoulder until that moment. The accident had only been a couple days ago, there's no way the pain was already completely gone. Yet Carmilla acted like she was fine most of the time. It made sense. Carmilla did seem the type to act tough. Above pain, emotions, anything that would make her seem weak or like she needed help. Laura knew she herself was stubborn, but Carmilla was probably even more so. 

"Want help?" Laura asked as Carmilla continued to knead her shoulder. 

Carmilla dropped her hand before looking over at the head poking out the passenger window. She shook her head and crouched down to put the spare tire in place. 

Her shoulder was killing her. Add that to the list of things she was in denial about. Ever since she fell out of that damn alligator and landed on it, it had been throbbing. She had been babying it since then, which was mostly easy because she was right handed. But changing a tire required effort from both arms. 

Rain was falling steadily now, but not heavy yet. She had a few minutes to finish changing the tire before it really started to pour so she ignored the ache in her shoulder and lifted the tire and put it in place. 

A few minutes later she was slamming the trunk shut and running to get in the drivers seat. As soon as she was in the car Laura looked over at her with a half hearted glare. 

"If you knew how to do it why did you let us struggle for so long?"

Carmilla shrugged and ran a hand through wet, tangled hair, "I was reading.”

“You’re unbelievable.” Laura shook her head before trying out a smirk of her own, “Serves you right, being the only one getting caught in the rain.”

Carmilla turned to look at her, narrowing her eyes and examining her a moment. “You know, you have a beautiful smile. This.." she gestured to the attempt at a smug smirk on Laura's face, "doesn't suit you.”

It didn’t. The smirk. It felt weird and even if Laura was annoyed, it didn't feel like the right way to respond. She wanted to smile. She wanted to laugh. Because Carmilla was a pain in the ass, but somehow felt like _her_ pain in the ass. _Their_ pain in the ass. Because no matter how much she would argue, Carmilla cared at least a tiny bit. It was obvious in the way she teased them. In the way she payed attention. The way she made fun of them without actually being mean. It hadn't started that way, but even as Laura watched her shift in the seat to get ready to drive, she knew there was a lot of things different from how it had started.

Like that fact that Carmilla had just complimented her smile. The butterflies that came with it? They weren't new.

—

"Sapulpa?" Laf snorted, "who names these cities?"

"Good question, _Lafontaine_." Carmilla put the car in park and shut it off. 

"I see your point, _Carmilla_."

"Touche."

"Is it really necessary that we stop?" Perry asked, clearly done with the the teasing and bickering that had been going on. 

They were all exhausted at this point. Having been awake before the sun, and all their activities requiring quite a bit of energy, 6:00pm was feeling more like midnight and everyone was clearly exhausted. 

"Yes." Carmilla looked over her shoulder "because it's raining and we are driving on a spare tire that's just barely better than the flat tire we had a bit ago and I'm hungry and tired and--"

"Okay, okay." Laura grabbed Carmilla's forearm gently, "we get it. No more driving today. I think we can all agree with that."

Everyone visibly relaxed, relieved at the idea of getting out of the car and resting.

"Let's order some food, find a place to get the car taken car of in the morning and just call it a night." Laura looked around the car and got agreeing nods from everyone. 

When she looked back to Carmilla, her eyes were on the hand around her arm and Laura pulled back slowly and only a little awkwardly. The rules with Carmilla were still blurry at best and it was still hard to read her. She didn't look bothered by the touch, maybe just unsure?

It didn't matter, everyone was getting out of the car and grabbing bags as quickly as they could before getting soaked by the rain. A room was rented, pizza ordered, phone book flipped open to mechanics and everyone was spread out on the motel beds waiting for food to get there. Everyone except Carmilla who was taking a shower. A very long one. By the time she reemerged from the bathroom, half the pizza was gone and everyone was lounging on the beds watching a black and white movie on the old motel tv.

“Feel better?” Laura asked, sliding the pizza box towards her and the empty space on the bed.

“Is it still raining?” Carmilla grabbed a slice of pizza and sat down on the edge of the bed, ignoring the question.

Laura nodded, glancing over at the window and the streaks of water gliding down the glass. “Harder, actually.” She looked back to Carmilla before remembering, "I got you some ice. For your shoulder." She grabbed the sack that had been sitting on the ground and set it on the bed between them.

"Thanks." Carmilla took it slowly, tying the sac closed and letting it sit on her shoulder before going for a second piece of pizza. Glancing over at the other bed, Perry was already asleep, reclined in a pile of pillows while Laf stared blankly at the tv with drooping eyelids. It was only a matter of time before they fell asleep too.

When the sound of rain picked up it occurred to Carmilla that although the tv was on, the volume was off. Light flickered from the tv but there was no sound.

“This some new hip way to watch tv that I’m unaware of?” Carmilla shifted, scooting back until her back was against the headboard, the pizza box sitting between her and Laura on their shared bed.

Laura chuckled, “The connection or whatever sucks. The rain is nicer than static.”

She wasn't wrong. It was actually nice to sit there in silence for once. No car ride games or directions being given, no arguments on where to stop or when to stop or anything else. It was just the rain.

Halfway through a yawn Carmilla checked the clock and realized they had been sitting there, watching the silent tv for an hour. A quick glance over to the other bed and it was easy to see that both Perry and Laf were completely asleep and Laura was probably only minutes away from shutting her eyes for good that night too.

The same struggle she had faced the night before presented itself once again. Sleeping. The last thing she wanted was to wake up again in the embarrassing situation she had that morning. The simple solution was to be the last one to fall asleep, and the first to wake up. With the way things were going, she just needed to kill time for a little while longer and she would no doubt be the only one still awake.

She slid off the edge of the bed and grabbed the pizza box. Dropping it on the dresser near the door she started pulling on her boots.

“Where are you headed?” Laura asked sleepily as she sank further down into the bed. Maybe it was the fact that she was tired beyond belief, or maybe the sound of rain had always seemed romantic to her, but she really didn't want Carmilla to leave.  They had been sitting silently, but they had been sitting _together_. For the first time all day, Laura wasn't confused or frustrated, she was just enjoying Carmilla’s company. They weren't bickering, or flirting, they just… were. And it was nice.

It was the easiest thing to accept yet.

“Out.” Carmilla didn't look up, lacing her boots then reaching for her jacket.

“Its still raining.” 

Carmilla paused with her jacket in her hand. She couldn't help but look up at Laura. She was snuggled up in the blankets, watching Carmilla with sleepy yet curious eyes. She was adorable, even when she didn't meant to be.

“I’ll be back. Just going to find a trash can.”

Laura sighed as she shut her eyes, clearly on the edge of sleep, her next word barely a whisper, “Stay.”

_Stay._

Carmilla wasn't sure she had ever heard someone say that to her. At least not with kindness or warmth or the amount of care attached to it. She stood in the doorway for a minute, trying to process exactly how one word could send a jolt of electricity from her chest to her fingertips.

Laura was asleep now. She wouldn't know if Carmilla did stay or not, but that didn't stop her from kicking off her boots and laying her jacket back over the chair. She wasn't sure how she got here, or how it had all started to soften her edges. The light from the tv flickered through the room while the rain hit heavily against the window. But the bed she climbed into was warm, and Laura lay sleeping soundly with just the tiniest of spaces between them felt right.

They had barely spoken since they left the car but it all felt so normal, so comfortable. Sitting in silence, eating mediocre pizza in a less than mediocre motel room, black and white tv on in the background and rain pouring outside. They had been a means to an end for Carmilla. Now they were something else. She wasn't sure what, but things were different than how they had started.

Even she couldn't deny _that_.

Using the remote, she turned off the television and sank back into the space in the bed that was hers. It was crazy, the change that had happened throughout the day. She knew she probably wasn't the only one that noticed it, which made her more nervous about the fact that she wasn't sure what she wanted to do about it. She wasn't sure about much at the moment.

Instead of worrying, she pulled on the blanket, covering Laura’s shoulder before placing a pillow between them like the night before. It wasn't comforting, the barrier. The opposite in fact. But she left it there and shut her eyes, letting herself fall asleep. Denying her feelings was only getting harder, she wasn't sure how long she could keep it up. Sleep came quickly, exhaustion pulling at her body and her heart. She couldn't remember a time that sleep came so easily. Just like she couldn't remember a time before now when her heart was heavy with something other than sadness.

Denial or not, something was there, and she wouldn't be able to fight it forever.

 

\--

_Day 5_

_Today I fell down a mountain, got lost in a cave, crashed on a roller coaster, and our car got a flat tire._

_I think it was my favorite day so far._

_And I definitely have a crush on Carmilla. For sure. No doubt. Absolutely. 100 percent._

_Did I mention she held my hand? she also attacked me with trees and a bumper car but we don't need to talk about that._

_It's complicated._


	9. Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flat tire leaves them stranded.. but it turns out not to be such a bad thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ones for Kikoro... for always leaving me stellar comments and suggesting this pit stop :)
> 
> thank you to everyone else who leaves comments :) its seriously why i keep the story going... y'all are awesome.

She knew it was only a matter of time. Sleep meant zero control. Her actions couldn't be thought out and deliberate. Things would just happen without a thought. Sometimes it was comforting- to wake up and find her arms around someone and know her body wanted to be there. Sometimes it was the opposite- waking up tense and as far away from someone as the bed would allow. Realizing even in sleep it didn't feel right to be next to them. 

Ell had commented on it multiple times, finding it funny that Carmilla would scoot to the edge of the mattress and curl into a ball. Never wanting to cuddle. She had no idea there could have been a deeper meaning behind it. Awake her heart knew it wasn't real, asleep she couldn't pretend it was.

That morning when Carmilla woke up, even with the pillow set between them the night before, her hand had found its way to Laura's in her sleep and she realized there was little she could do about what she felt anymore.

The realization left her painfully breathless, like being held under water without taking a breath first. For the first time in her life she was terrified of drowning, and it had nothing to do with water. But no matter how terrified she was, the warmth of Laura's hand felt comforting and she didn't want to fight it anymore. What surprised her most, was that it didn't feel like giving up. It felt like giving in. 

It was waking up. She had been stuck in a dream land where nothing seemed real. Nothing felt real. She had shut down and closed off to avoid feeling and Laura had shook her awake.  A startled shock back to reality. A bucket of water breaking her from the dreamland of dull grays and indifference. Her body felt cold under the splash of awareness. On fire from the feeling she had been holding at bay finally taking over. It was everything she would have felt had she let herself feel, rushing through her body at an overwhelming speed.  A live wire, sparking uncontrollably as the electricity pulsed through it. 

She was glad she had followed through with being the first to wake, if only to be able to sit in this moment a little longer. She wasn't sure when during the night she had moved to the center of the bed. Or whether or not Laura had woken when she took her hand. All she knew was that Laura was asleep, their hands were intertwined and denial wasn't going to work anymore. 

Even with that knowledge, she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do about it. It wouldn't be fair to do anything, not without revealing who she really was. And as much as she liked Laura, she wasn't sure she was ready for that. As selfish as it was, she wanted Laura to like her for who she was as Carmilla, not Carmilla _Karnstein_. 

——

Was it possible to smile while you slept? It had to be. Either that or the first thing she did when she woke up was start smiling. Whatever it was, she hadn't even opened her eyes yet an already she felt like it was going to be a good day. It probably had something to do with the night before. 

Everyone had fallen asleep fairly early, it made sense with everything they had done throughout the day. The sound of the rain had lulled her to sleep, the last thing she remembered was how sad she felt when Carmilla was about to leave, telling her to stay, then the comforter being pulled up to cover her. 

She had woken up a few hours later, blaming the sound of the rain falling heavily against the window. But she was tired enough that it didn't take long after rolling over and closing her eyes again that she started to fall back asleep. 

A flash of lightning lit up the room, a low rumble of thunder following quickly. It was enough to make her open her eyes, and apparently she wasn't the only one to react. 

She froze as Carmilla rolled to face her and a hand slid against the mattress until it found her arm. Laura had to crane her neck forward to see over the pillow Carmilla had placed between them, but from the look of it, Carmilla was still asleep despite her movements. 

Laura had always been indifferent when it came to thunder storms, she was starting to like them more now for some reason. She stayed still, her eyes trained on the ceiling while she waited to see if anything else would happen. Carmilla's touch was barely there. It didn't seem like a movement brought on my fear of the storm, almost like she was just checking to see if Laura was still there. It was a silly thought, Laura knew this, considering she was asleep. But Carmilla's fingers brushed just barely against her forearm before going still. 

A moment later and Laura's eyelids were heavy again, the thrum of rain hitting the window steadily while her heart beat erratically.  It was strange, to feel calm and nervous at once. There was another flash of lightning that was barely seen through closed eyelids, followed by another clap of thunder and another sleep filled move from Carmilla.

For the second time in the same night Laura fell asleep with her last thought being Carmilla. This time though, it was the feel of fingers intertwining with her own.

So when morning came, and Laura woke up with a smile she wasn't surprised. When she realized Carmilla's hand was no longer holding hers and the other side of the bed was empty, she wasn't just surprised, but disappointed too. 

——

Her fingers tapped out a slow beat on the plastic screen as she clicked of her tongue scanning her options. There wasn't much to choose from, it was actually a miracle the machine even worked. The change in her pocket was enough to get a candy bar, package of cookies, or some sort of cream filled snack cake. Usually it would be a no brainer. Candy bar. Duh. But for some reason the cookies were calling her name.

The machine was probably as old as the treats inside, which, she didn't want to see the expiration dates now that she thought about it. When Carmilla punched in the number, the machine hummed but didn't do much else. She wasn't about to let her cookies go that easily though. Without thinking, she slammed her shoulder into the machine hoping to shake the cookies free.

“Bad idea.” She groaned and grabbed her shoulder. Deciding it would be better to take a different approach, she decided to kick it instead. A few good kicks to the side of the vending machine and her cookies dropped, bringing a second package with it. She smiled proudly to herself before reaching into the machine and pulling out her prize.

Yeah. They were stale. But it didn't stop her from eating them as she made her way back to the room. It especially didn't stop her from throwing the door open loudly and stomping in.

“Good morning!” She grinned before eating another mini cookie from the package.

Laf sat up quickly, hair standing straight up and eyes wide. 

Perry sat up almost as quickly, blinking fast and looking around as she tried to push crazy curls out of her face, “What time is it?”

“10:00.” Carmilla walked to the window and pulled open the blinds quickly.

“Is it your mission to blind us?” Laura had already been awake and didn't bother to move from her spot still snuggled in the bed other than to sit up slightly.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Carmilla smirked, “Do you not like when someone wakes you up? Weird.”

Clearly this was payback for waking her up the previous morning. It was met with a glare from Lafontaine until they watched her throw a bag of cookies at Laura, then their just gaped silently.

“Whats this?” Laura asked, grabbing the bag with a smile.

“Pre breakfast cookies.” Carmilla shrugged like it was no big deal.

“Where’s ours?” Laf scratched their head, throwing the blankets off their legs and scooting off the bed with a frown.

“Didn’t have enough change.” Carmilla ate another cookie from her own bag before moving into the room and leaning back against the waist high dresser near the door. “I have good news and bad news. Which would you like first?”

Laura moved to sit cross legged on the bed before opening the small package of cookies with a smile. “Bad.”

By now everyone was awake and moving about the room or enjoying their stale cookies. Carmilla watched them all for moment before hopping up to sit on the dresser.

“Bad news is, since its Sunday, we cant get a new tire until tomorrow.” She ate another cookie, “And I refuse to drive on the spare any further.”

“So whats the good news?” Laf asked as they hopped back onto the bed, “You got us food too?”

“Nope.” Carmilla smiled as she crumpled up the empty cookie bag and tossed it at Laf, “The good news is the towns got a fair going on today.”

“Fair food!” Laf was immediately in a better mood, a childlike grin on their face.

“Well I suppose since we do need a new tire, we may as well enjoy the celebration.” Perry was clearly trying to let go of the fact that they were missing a whole day of travel. It was going to take more than the idea of fair food to make her happy though.

“They are even having a chili cook off.” Carmilla stood up and pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket and held it out for Perry. “I signed you up.”

“Really?” Perry smiled and took the piece of paper, unfolding it and reading it quickly. “She signed me up for the cook off!”

Carmilla just shrugged at the excited looks, seemingly disinterested even though it had been her idea.

“Oh my, I need to find a grocery store.” Perry grabbed the pad of paper on the bedside table and started writing out a list. “And a stove!” She smiled up at everyone else in the room before continuing to write down things she would need.

"What, no gift for me?" Laf was clearly disappointed.

"Nope." Carmilla shrugged, reaching into her pocket, "Unless you want these?"

Lads eyes lit up at the handful of tickets Carmilla pulled from her pocket. They lunged forward and grabbed them, holding them carefully in their hands. "Are these for the fair rides?"

"Well I'm pretty sure they won't get you into any concerts." Carmilla rolled her eyes, walking dismissively over to her bag. 

Laura narrowed her eyes, watching the whole exchange closely. This was new, everything about this version of Carmilla, and it seemed too good to be true. “Alright, whats your angle?”

“No angle.” Carmilla shrugged, “But I do want more than cookies for breakfast so hurry up and get ready.”

Laura watched Carmilla walk back out of the motel room and shut the door behind her. When she looked over at Laf and Perry, they seemed completely happy about the situation and not at all skeptical. Fair food and a cook off, apparently thats all it took to make them both giddy. Laura on the other hand, wasn't quite convinced.

—

Once the door was shut, Carmilla leaned back against it with a sigh. “That wasn't so hard.” 

She was lying to herself. She had no idea how to do this, and it was written all over Laura’s face that she wasn't doing it well. Waking up holding Laura’s hand, she knew denial was no longer an option. And she had already decided sharing her long and revealing story about herself wasn't an option either. Yet. That didn't leave much for her to do but to roll with it. Which was turning out to be harder than she expected.

Rolling with it had always been simple for her. Do whatever, don’t think about consequences, deal with it when she had to. But this was different, because apparently she cared. More than she was prepared to. More than she thought she would, or even could.

She had been so worried about Laura only liking her because of her name and what came with it, she hadn't even thought about actually being likable without the name. 

That was the goal now. Denial was pointless, she had never failed so miserably at anything in her life like she had at denial. Now, she was going to prove to herself that she could get Laura to like her without knowing everything about her first. Then if or when the truth came out, she wouldn't have to wonder about Laura’s motive for sticking around if she chose to. That was assuming she could actually get Laura to like her in the first place. Her tendency for sarcasm and frustrating Laura on purpose would no doubt be working against her already.

Stale cookies were a poor excuse of a start, but she was new to this whole making friends thing. Not to mention she was pretty sure she didn't want to be Laura's friend but something else entirely. But, that's where she needed to start if this was actually going to work. 

By the time everyone emerged from the motel room Carmilla had managed to convince herself it wouldn't be that hard. It would be exactly like getting a girl to go home with her, only, _completely different_. Be nice with a different end goal. _Be nice._ That was going to be a big enough challenge. 

"Fucking finally." Yeah, being nice wasn't going to be easy. 

"Geez, what's the rush?" Laf was locking the door behind them, "you had cookies, it's the rest of us that are hungry. Except Laura, of course." They shot her a teasing look and Laura's cheeks pinked. 

"I meant to ask," Perry was completely oblivious to the teasing happening as she hurried over to Carmilla, falling in line as she started walking, "how did you find out about the fair?"

"I went to find a car shop." Carmilla shoved her hands in her pockets, "It was closed, someone mentioned the fair. I figured we needed something to do."

"Let me get this straight," Laura was following behind, bumping her shoulder into Laf as they walked, "you got up early to fix the car without anyone forcing you to. When you couldn't, you took it upon yourself to find us something to do in the meantime?"

Everyone looked at Carmilla for a response. There was none. She didn't even bother to shrug or roll her eyes. She just kept walking. 

"Yeah, there has to be an angle." Laura continued. 

Carmilla sighed quietly enough that no one noticed. She knew it was her own fault she thought her actions were strange, but it was still early, she had time to figure out this being nice thing and convince them she didn't have any other angle than seeing if she could be liked simply for who she was. 

—--

"Are you sure you wouldn't like to wait a bit?" Perry looked around the open field covered in fair rides, food and game booths. "We did just eat. And how safe are these rides, really?"

"Considering they put them together this morning..." Carmilla tilted her head, "probably not very safe."

"Come on Perr." Laf was beaming, "we wrecked on a roller coaster yesterday and are fine. What could go wrong here?"

"Technically they’re right." Carmilla nodded thoughtfully. Granted they were going a snails pace and barely off the ground. The spinning and nausea inducing rides in front of them were going much, much faster.

Breakfast had gone fine. Carmilla realized it was easiest to be nice if she stayed silent. So she stayed mostly quiet, letting Perry talk about the cook off and her ideas for preparing her sure to win chili. At least she had gotten that gesture right. Laf was excited for the fair, counting tickets and listing foods they were excited to consume. They wouldn't stop talking about the hot dogs, turkey legs, cotton candy and ice cream while they ate their giant stack of pancakes. Their dedication to food was impressive. 

Laura was actually quieter than usual, acting excited about the amount of sugar she was sure was going to be consumed that day, but mostly listening to the others and stealing curious glances towards Carmilla.  

Carmilla couldn't help but feel like it was weird. Almost as weird as it felt for her to be nice. God it was hard. 

But now they were walking straight towards the fair set up on the edge of town, walking around puddles and kicking at larger rocks that sat in the gravel parking area. You could see the row of fair activities and games and the larger rides constructed that morning. It looked so alive compared to the tiny place they had stopped the day before.

“Perry's excited about her chili." Laura shifted the grocery bags in her arms, stealing a quick glance at Carmilla. "It was nice of you to make happen."

Carmilla shrugged but didn't say anything. 

Laura watched her out of the corner of her eye, something felt off but she couldn't decide what. Everything had been going great that morning, better than usual actually. She didn't really have a reason to be skeptical about anything, but that didn't stop her.

Just as they walked through the large gates to the area filled with games and small fair rides, a large man with a full beard started to walk towards them. It wasn't until he raised his arm and started waving excitedly that anyone really payed him any attention. 

The group shared looks with each other as the man got closer and more excited. Carmilla was the only one that didn't look confused. When he finally got to them and reached out a hand in front of Carmilla, the other three just looked at them confused while they shook hands. 

"Good morning!" His voice was low and loud but his smile seemed bigger somehow, "or I suppose I should say afternoon." He pulled his hand back and straight away placed it over his large belt buckle. 

"This is Bill." Carmilla put her own hand back in her pocket as she turned to Perry, "the booth next to his is empty and he offered to lend you his extra stove for the chili thing."

Perry was too excited to think any of it and just launched into introducing herself and Lafontaine to Bill. Laura just grew more curious about it all. 

"Judging is at three so we better get you set up so you stand a chance against my recipe." Bill smiled wide and reached for the grocery bags in Laura’s and Laf’s arms, before nodding towards the booths set up for them to follow. 

"What's going on?" Laura whispered to Carmilla while they followed the large man through the small crowd of people. 

"We are following Bill."

"Seriously?" She ignored Carmilla's act of nonchalance and turned to Laf, "this isn't weird to you?"

"What?" Laf shrugged, "a strange pit stop, the way Bills mustache curls perfectly, or Carmilla being nice?"

"The last one." Laura couldn't help but smile at the rest of Lafontaine's comment. Bills beard was groomed immaculately. And this wasn't even the weirdest activity they've had on this trip by far. But something about the way Carmilla was acting just seemed suspicious. 

"Maybe." Laf smiled, "but why argue with it?"

Laura’s pace slowed as she thought the simple statement over, "I guess you have a point."

Laf wasn't wrong. Carmilla was being nice. It seemed like a silly thing to want to argue with. It didn't change the fact that it seemed strange, though.

—

"Do we really have to do this one again?" Laura followed Laf to get back in line. She was dragging her feet and sighing loudly, but Laf didn't seem to notice.

"What? You sick of spinning already?" Laf was clearly not as over the ride as Laura was. 

Laura just sighed, again. At least the line was long enough that she would have a few minutes to stand still. "Shouldn't we check on Perry?"

"Are you kidding?" Laf snorted, "she probably wouldn't let us back in her little booth if we begged. She's on a mission."

"I still don't get how Carmilla made that happen."

"Speaking of the dark one," Laf looked around, "where'd she go?"

"She ditched before our first go on this spinning death trap. You didn't notice?" Laura reluctantly handed over another ticket before walking to an empty car and climbing in, Laf close behind. 

Laf pulled the lap bar in place, "It's clear _you_ noticed. Why not just text her?”

“Text her?”

“Yeah, you know, on your phone.” Laf looked at her curiously.

Laura shrugged slowly, “I don’t actually have her number.” Laf gave her a look but before they could say anything- “Why would I need her number if we are literally together all the time?”

“You’re not together now.” Laf grinned.

“Well sure,” Laura couldn't help but roll her eyes, “Just ask for her number in case we aren't together for 10 minutes. That would sound lame at all.”

“So you admit you want her number.”

Laura was about to make an argument that it wasn’t like that, or a big deal, but before she could, the ride lurched forward. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, her hands clutching onto the lap bar in front of her. She could hear Laf hollering as they spun in a shaky circle, thinking to herself she preferred the broken child rides from the day before. 

It took a minute after they stepped off the ride before Laura's head finally stopped spinning, "I can't. No more." She shook her head at Laf, pleading with them not to get back in line. 

"Fine." Laf chuckled, "lets go back to Perr. Maybe that's where Carmilla ran off to."

Lauras face immediately shifted to a smile and her pace picked up. Apparently Carmilla was the cure to motion sickness. It didn't go unnoticed by Laf. 

"Speaking of, has she said anything more about herself?"

"What do you mean?" Laura dodged a kid lunging for the cotton candy booth.

"I mean, she's talked to you more than the rest of us." Laf followed Laura through the growing crowd of people towards the edge of the fair grounds, "has she told you anything more? Her story?"

"Not really." Laura shrugged, slowing as they approached the booths along the fence dedicated to the cook off. "I mean, she doesn't talk much and when she does it's never really personal."

"And you've let her get away with that?" Laf raised an eyebrow, giving her a look out of the corner of their eye. "You must like her more than I thought."

"What?" Laura scoffed but couldn't bring herself to look Laf in the eyes, "I don't know.. That's not.." She couldn't really think of a way to finish her sentence so she just huffed out a heavy breath and shook her head. 

"Wow." Laf chuckled, "you've got it bad."

"Oh stop." Laura rolled her eyes, "like you said, we barely know her. She's mysterious and interesting, that's it."

"That's it?"

"Yeah." Laura's tone was clear she was trying to convince someone she was telling the truth. Whether it was Laf or herself, she wasn't sure. "Besides, it's pretty obvious she doesn't like talking about herself, to anyone."

Laf couldn't help but smile when Laura stopped walking, staring off with a frustrated expression. 

"And sure, I've tried to figure her out but she so, she's just.. Ugh." Laura balled up her fists, "cause she's stupid pretty, right? And turns out she's actually pretty smart, too. And not the obvious kind, but the kind where she's interested in things enough to learn about them. She's smug but not about the stuff that most people would be. That stuff she almost tries not to put the spotlight on. It's weird and I don't know why she's like that."

She turned to look at Laf like they might have the answer but only got a shrug in return. 

"And today!" Laura scoffed, "you can't tell me today hasn't been weird. Because she was awake before all of us and _mysteriously_ set up this cooking thing for Perry and knew some bearded stranger, which ok, he's nice, but still. She's being nice. Like, weirdly nice." Her hands were starting to move dramatically as she spoke, "I know it's stupid be upset someone is being nice but.." She sighed realizing what felt so off about it, "I miss the banter."

"Yep." Laf just nodded, "you got it bad."

Laura frowned grumbling to herself, "I know" as she followed Laf over to Perry.

—

It took a whole of two minutes of crowds of people, shouting and laughing and dozens of children before Carmilla had ducked out and found a tree with plenty of shade to sit under. She had never been a fan of large groups of people and although she was making the effort to be nice to her travel companions, it didn't mean she had to endure an entire day with overly joyful strangers.

Instead of spinning in circles, getting sick off fair food or wasting money trying to win a stuffed bear, she took the time to exchange a few text messages with Will and Mattie. Ensuring them that yes, she was still alive and no, she wasn't going to reappear yet. 

She hadn't forgotten about her last conversation with Mattie. The idea of losing her fathers company had always been wishful thinking as she endured boring business classes and shadowing different departments within the company, due to the requirements of her trust. Now that it was actually a viable option to let it all go, it was more conflicting than she was prepared for it to be. On the one hand, she could be rid of the heavy responsibility, the title, her mother, all with one decision to let it go. But on the other, she had spent her entire life preparing, it wasn't just a company but her fathers legacy, and leaving it felt like it would be a betrayal. Especially knowing what her mother would do if she had complete control over it.

She tried to ignore her thoughts by listening to music instead of the sounds coming from the fair, enjoying the cool air left over from the rain storm the night before and the still cloudy sky, but the decision was still nagging at her. 

When the announcement of the chili cook off about to begin rang over loud speakers, crackling through the music that had previously been competing with the sound of the crowd and fair activities, Carmilla reluctantly stood up. She dropped her sunglasses over her eyes and started to make her way back to the place she had left Perry. 

The whole morning had been a strange string of things falling into her lap. Bill, the fair, the cook off, all of it. 

She had been the last one to fall asleep the night before, on purpose, and had woken first with the same intent. It settled her nerves doing it that way, being in as much control of it as possible. When she woke before everyone, she slipped out to find coffee and hopefully somewhere to get a new tire before the bickering squad woke.

A cafe down the street pointed her in the direction she needed and just a few blocks down she was pulling into the lot of a car garage. The woman at the cafe told her it would be closed since it was Sunday, but that the owner usually left out a sign with his number in case of emergencies.

Thank heavens for small town hospitality. 

Thats when she met Bill. His low voice answered the call but all she got was an apology that he couldn't help until Monday, he was preparing his ‘famous’ chili for the fair that day.

Thats when Carmilla got an idea. The idea to try and be nice. She talked Bill into letting Perry join the cook off as a late entry, even convinced him to share his set up so she would have a place to cook it. The rest of the plan was less thought out. Spend the day at the fair, they had to kill time anyway, but she hadn't considered that meant she would actually have to _spend time at the fair._ And continue to be nice. So she had done what she could, found a tree on the edge of the grounds when it became too much, but knew she couldn't hide forever. Especially if she was going to keep up this idea of being nice.

“You going to win?” Carmilla lifted herself onto the makeshift table in Perry’s small booth. She looked around the table for something to snack on, settling on a cracker, taking it off a small plate.

Perry immediately smacked Carmilla’s hand, knocking the cracker out of her fingers.

“What the hell, red?” Carmilla looked genuinely surprised at the action.

“Sorry.” Perry winced, “Automatic reaction. I’m used to Lafontaine stealing things from my recipes.”

“Hurts, doesn't it?” Laf stepped up with a grin, Laura not far behind. “Carmilla been helping you cook?”

Perry simply clicked her tongue, like Laf should know better. “Hardly. This is the first I’ve seen her all afternoon.”

“Oh?” Laura was obviously curious, “So, where did you go then?”

Carmilla’s eyes dropped to the ingredients spread across the table before gesturing with her hand off to the distance like that would be a good enough answer.

“Well, we heard the judging is about to happen so we came to cheer for you.” Laura smiled wide at Perry, ignoring Carmilla's attempt at avoiding her question.

“Cheer?” Carmilla chuckled, “At a chili cook off?”

“Sure.” Laura shrugged, still smiling. “Haven't you ever cheered for chili before?”

Carmilla pulled in a breath, her jaw dropping like she was going to say something before deciding against it. She blinked a few times before stuttering out, “First time for everything I guess?”

That was not the answer Laura was expecting to get. In fact, it was the complete opposite. She was actually _trying_ to get a sarcastic remark or even an eye roll. Carmilla just going along with it was _nice_ , but totally not her.

“Seriously?” Laura looked at Carmilla with challenging eyes before turning to Laf and Perry, hoping they would see how ridiculous this whole thing was.

“Why don’t you guys, um, _cheer_ , from over there?” Perry tried to smile but she looked more confused than happy. It seemed her confusion was mostly with Laura though, and not Carmilla. 

“Seriously?” Laura gaped at Perry before turning to Laf, “Seriously?”

“You doing ok, cupcake?” Carmilla asked, completely aware what Laura was trying to point out. The only thing weirder than Carmilla's nice act was the fact that Laf and Perry seemed oblivious to it. 

It felt like Laura was making this being nice thing difficult on purpose, even if that didn't really make sense. Maybe it was too late. Carmilla had spent so much time fake flirting and purposefully frustrating Laura that now that she wanted to flirt for real and _not_ frustrate her, it was nearly impossible. She had never been bad at flirting before in her life. She had also never actually cared or tried this hard either. It was almost funny how terrible it was going. 

"You look like you're going to have an aneurism." Laf started to push Laura towards the direction Perry had pointed to, "is this about the chili?"

——

"I'm onto you." Laura was staring straight ahead, watching the judges move from one booth to the next. 

They had found an empty picnic table nearby and had sat down to wait for the results. As far as chili cook offs go, this was Laura's first, and it was extremely boring. 

"Okay?" Carmilla glanced over at her curiously.

Since Laf had ushered her away, Laura had a firm glare planted on her face. Except when Perry would look over from her booth, then it would shift to a wide smile and she'd let out a loud cheer. As soon as Perry looked away, the glare was back. 

"I may not know what you're trying to accomplish, but I'll figure it out."

"What makes you think I'm trying-"

"This isn't you." Laura cut her off quickly, turning to look at Carmilla. Her glare was gone but her eyes still intense. When Carmilla just looked at her, eyebrows slightly furrowed, the continued. "You're being _nice_."

"So?" Carmilla's face shifted to show slight insult. She knew she was making an extra effort, but did Laura really think her being nice in any capacity was completely out of character?

Laura must have noticed because she continued to talk, almost ramble, trying to explain. 

"Not that you can't be nice, because you can. You're just usually your own specific kind of nice. Not so obvious and almost in a borderline annoying way." Laura sighed, "now that I'm saying it out loud I realize how stupid it sounds. But you stopped being sarcastic and I don't know, I was worried something was wrong. Then I thought maybe _you_ thought something was wrong and I don't know. I just didn't want you to think you needed to be some weirdly nice person to be here." Laura nodded to herself, her tone shifting like she was talking more to herself rather than trying to explain her thought process. "I mean we figured out pretty quickly you weren't exactly little miss sunshine, but we got used to it. Not that it needed getting used to, per se. Just that, well it's not like we would ask Laf to stop being their own version of weird, ya know? So it's ok for you to be your version of mean nice."

God she was right. This was torture. She hated being nice. It was awful. And what was the point of getting them to like her for who she was if she wasn't even being herself?

"So if I'm understanding correctly," Carmilla finally spoke up, shifting on the bench they were sharing, "you don't like when I'm nice unless I do it in a mean way?"

"Exactly!" Laura smiled, her shoulders relaxing at the simple explanation Carmilla was able to give after her rambling. 

Carmilla couldn't help but feel relieved. First, at the fact that Laura didn't think she was incapable of being nice, but that she actually saw she could be, just in her own way. Second, being nice was exhausting. And the amount of smart ass comments she had held back already that day was ridiculous. She honestly wasn't sure how much longer she could last anyway. And third, it wasn't her. And even if she was realizing it a bit late, finding out if Laura could like her for her, meant she had to actually be herself. 

"You know what," Carmilla sighed, "you can't see it, but underneath my sunglasses I'm rolling my eyes at you."

Laura's smile immediately grew and she bumped her shoulder into Carmilla's gently, "there she is."

So maybe it hadn't been the greatest idea Carmilla had ever had, but it actually helped answer her initial question. Not only had Laura noticed the shift in Carmilla's attitude, but she seemed to actually prefer the sarcastic, slightly grumpy Carmilla over the painfully nice version. She liked the real Carmilla. At least enough to let her off the hook when it came to being nice. 

This was another one of those moments where denial wouldn't have helped her in the slightest. Because as Laura's smile grew in response to the sarcastic response, Carmilla once again felt the heavy pull in her chest and had to fight her own smile. 

She wasn't sure exactly what it all meant in the log run, but it was a start. 

——

“How many of those have you had?” Laura watched as Laf piled on the ketchup and mustard on yet another hot dog.

“4.” Laf said proudly, “Unless you count the corn dogs, then 6.”

“How can you eat at a time like this?” Perry whined. She had been frowning since the results of the cook off despite everyones attempts to cheer her up.

“You do realize you came in second, right?” Carmilla asked as she picked at the bag of popcorn in her hands.

“Bill.” Perry shook her head, “His wife was a judge, you know? I think it was rigged.”

“Or maybe it wasn't.” Carmilla shrugged, not offering any sympathy. “His _was_ better.”

“You didn't even have any!” Perry gasped at Carmilla’s comment.

"It's just chili." Carmilla chuckled at Perry's level of being distraught. 

"To be fair," Laura shot Carmilla a look, "we are just visiting. It would be a shame for you not to be able to defend your chili champion title next year if you had won. Maybe it's better this way."

"I suppose that's true." Perry nodded, not quite as upset as before but clearly still feeling dejected. 

"Let's just," Laura looked around for an easy escape from the conversation, eyes lighting up when she saw the ride they were standing next to, "take a spin on the Ferris wheel!"

Carmilla turned to look at the contraption slowly spinning. There was something to be said about fairs. They were a death trap. There's a reason she had taken off as soon as Laf and Laura started riding rides. Who honestly trusts roller coasters that are put together in a matter of days? Not Carmilla. 

"Pass." She shook her head, trying to look more bored than wary. 

"That's a great idea!" Laf smiled before shoving half their hotdog into their mouth. 

Turned out Carmilla didn't have much say in the matter, because soon enough they were at the front of the line, waiting for a car to empty so they could climb in. Watching Laf and Perry talk quietly while Laura rocked back and forth on her heels, she decided it wasn't the worst thing in the world. 

The Ferris wheel meant alone time. Alone time with Laura. Which hadn't happened all day. Not really, anyway. Laf had stolen her for rides, then they all sat together to 'cheer' for the cook off. Even their small moment when Laura gave Carmilla permission to be mean, Laf had been sitting on the same bench with them. After that it was the four of them roaming the grounds, playing fair games and killing time. 

It was actually perfect timing. The sun was setting and the clouds that had covered the sky all day were finally thinning out to reveal the dimming sky. She had no clue what she was actually going to talk to Laura about, and the nervous pull in her gut was getting more distracting the closer they got to getting on the ride. Carmilla wasn't used to feeling this kind of nervous, everything about this was new. She was beginning to think that maybe that wasn't such a bad thing, though. 

"Tickets." The scrawny man standing in front of them looked bored out of his mind as he held his hand out for their tickets. 

Carmilla pulled a couple tickets from her pocket and handed them over as she glanced back to the other three standing behind her. Laura was smiling wide and Perry was practically pushing them all forward like she couldn't wait her turn. 

She ignored the heavy sigh from the man taking the tickets as she stepped up to the empty seat and scooted in, leaving room for Laura to climb in with her. 

After the lap bar lock clicked, Carmilla looked up and was immediately confused. 

"Uh, isn't there someone else you'd rather share a seat with?" There wasn't much to be done about it, the ride was already pulling them backwards slowly to line up for the next in line to climb in. 

"Of course not." Perry shifted in the seat, scooting as far back as possible before letting her hands settle in her lap. 

This wasn't what Carmilla had been expecting. She watched Laf and Laura climb into the bench in front of them before turning back to Look at Perry. 

"Okay?" Carmilla wasn't sure what had happened but there wasn't much she could do about it now. At least now she didn't have to figure out how to talk to Laura. 

Except now the silence that lingered between the two was entirely awkward, and not even a hint of amusing. They sat silently while the Ferris wheel pulled back slowly then stopped, allowing more riders on. This happened a few times, their bench rocking back and forth abruptly each time, before jolting to a start again. When the ride began to actually move smoothly in a circle, Carmilla was relieved if only for the fact that it meant it would soon be over. 

Whatever idea of a romantic Ferris wheel ride she had previously considered, this was further from it than she ever thought possible. But she wasn't going for romantic, was she? Maybe this was better anyway. 

As they slowly neared the high point of the ride, Carmilla let her head drop back to look up at the sky. It was still a mixture of light and dark hues. Orange shifting to purple to darkness. The brighter of the stars making an appearance, like tiny pinpricks in dark paper, light barely shining through. She was starting to get used to the quiet, actually being glad for it. 

The whole day had been a constant level of loud. From the sound of music cracking through speakers around the fair grounds, people talking, laughing and yelling. The rattling of metal rides and creaking of poorly made structures. The higher she got the further away the sound was. Then just as quickly as they reached the top, they started down the other side. 

"Carmilla."

Carmilla smirked, actually surprised how long Perry had gone without saying anything. "What's up, red?" She turned to look at her as they reached the bottom, but as soon as they started moving backward and back towards the top, her eyes landed on the car in front of them with Laf and Laura sitting inside. 

"I just wanted to thank you again for arranging today. Although it was unnecessary."

"Unnecessary?"

"Mmhmm." Perry hummed, not moving from her position of perfect posture. "You may be exasperating occasionally. But we all do enjoy your company." At this she turned to smile at Carmilla, reaching up and tapping the stitch sewn into the shoulder of her jacket, "Truly. You're part of the group for as long as you'd like to be. No matter how infuriating or nice you are. We've already decided on you.”

Carmilla nodded slowly, honestly trying to wrap her head around the fact that she had now been told twice in one day that she was liked for exactly who she was. Everything about this trip had been an accident, happened by chance or luck. But more and more moments were leaving her surprised, just like this one.

She wasn't sure how to respond, so instead she nodded towards the car in front of them. Laf and Laura rocking back and forth abruptly while they both shifted awkwardly with the movement.

“I see now why you didn't want to ride with the mad scientist.”

Perry just sighed loudly and shook her head at the shifting car they were both now watching.

The rotation of the wheel soon enough put the other car out of sight below them. Carmilla let her head fall back to look back up at the sky and the brightening stars above them. It had only been 6 days. 6 days into what she thought was going to be a break from the life she had been stuck in, a life she felt like she was being smothered by.

She had no idea it would turn in to this. Into feeling like she was finally able to breathe again.

—

"What do you think they are talking about?" Laura ignored the rocking and just held on to the lap bar tighter. She watched Carmilla look from the sky over to Perry and actually smile.

"Who knows." Laf was bracing themselves in the seat, pushing forward then back to rock it. "Jealous Perry stole your seat?"

"Jealous?" Laura barked out a laugh. The volume was way too loud to sound natural and she found herself shrinking in slight embarrassment. "Maybe a little."

Laf grinned but didn't slow down with their attempt to rock their seat further. They were timing it right so every time the wheel stopped to let more people on or off, the jolt as it started only helped propel them further. 

"This is supposed to be a relaxing ride." Laura chuckled but started to rock along with Laf, "No wonder Perry didn't want to ride with you.”

“She hates rollercoasters.” Laf was still pushing and pulling as the Ferris Wheel carried them in a circle, “It makes sense she would rather ride with Carmilla. Even though I was sure she would skip the whole thing after the Alligator accident yesterday.”

Laura chuckled and tried to keep up with Laf’s rocking, ignoring the looks from people on the ground and in other cars, “yeah, that was fun.”

“Carmilla’s fun.” Laf lunged forward again before falling backwards, laughing at the abrupt movements of their car as it circled around the Ferris Wheel.

Laura was taken back by how plainly Lafontaine had said it. She had been so preoccupied with her own feelings when it came to Carmilla, figuring out her crush, attempting to figure out the girl, she had completely missed everything else. Laf thought she was fun and had joked and talked with her on their own more than once. Perry willingly jumped into the seat with her and had actually let Carmilla talk her into trespassing the day before. This was no longer Laura begging the other two to allow Carmilla to tag along. Apparently Laura wasn't the only one Carmilla had won over, despite her clear lack of even trying.

Of course that realization only made Laura like her even more.

When they started to reach the top of the wheel, Carmilla and Perry came back into view. Carmilla's head was tilted back and she had a look on her face that reminded Laura of the morning at the lake. Her eyes were on the sky, with a look like she was seeing it for the first time.

Carmilla was beautiful, and Laura wasn't the only one who liked her. She was however, the only one that seemed to be confused by it.

—

“Go fish.” Perry smiled, pulling her cards against her chest as if to hide them.

“We are playing poker.” Carmilla rolled her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time. “I swear, is this— are you guys messing with— you know what? I give up.”

Laura giggled and turned to Lafontaine, “Do you have any queens?”

“Poker!” Carmilla shook her head, dropping her cards on the bed in the middle of all of them before standing up, “Poker!”

“Go fish.” Laf replied but kept their eyes on Carmilla.

Carmilla groaned and threw her hands up, “I have no words.” 

The three burst into laughter as soon as Carmilla disappeared into the bathroom.  It seemed since leaving the fair, things quickly fell back into their usual rhythm. Carmilla being as sarcastic as ever, but everyone else easily dishing it back. Everything actually felt a lot lighter, easier. 

They had started playing poker, which quickly changed into everyone except Carmilla playing any game _but_ poker. Go fish was apparently the last straw before Carmilla couldn't handle any more. 

Everyone had agreed it was nice sticking around in one place for a whole day instead of getting settled just in time to take off again. It had also meant they lost a day of driving though so they all agreed they would be on the road as soon as they had a new tire the next day.

"Today was fun." Laf moved over to the other bed in the small motel room and sat back against the headboard. "Who knew Carmilla would be so good at finding pit stops?"

"Are you saying mine haven't been fun?" Perry frowned playfully as she gathered up the cards. 

"Not at all!" Laf leaned forward, "that giant ball of yarn was awesome."

"Yeah, totally." Laura agreed with a chuckle. 

"Twine." Perry sighed, "it was twine."

Laura couldn't help but laugh as she scooted back against her own headboard. "Actually, now that you guys brought it up, I was wondering if I could pick a place for tomorrow."

"Sure." Perry smiled and moved off the bed and over to her bag, "where did you have in mind?"

"Well, that's the thing." She started picking at the edge of the sheet, "it's a little out of the way. Like, 5 hours down into Texas out of the way."

"Oh." Perry pursed her lips, tossing her pajamas into the bed, "well I suppose it wouldn't hurt to continue our deviation for the original plan. It's been working so far, right?"

Both Laura and Laf were surprised it didn't take more convincing to get Perry on board with going even more off track. 

"You sure Perr?" Laf asked with raised eyebrows. 

She just shrugged, "Perhaps Carmilla's presence has done more than give Laura someone to stare at."

Laura's eyes went as wide as her jaw dropped. Lafontaine let out a laugh, slapping their leg with their hand. 

"That is so not true." Laura couldn't even say it without laughing, because it was totally true and she knew it.

Carmilla walked out of the bathroom and immediately knew she missed something, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing!" Laura answered quickly, shooting Laf and Perry both a look. 

"Perry was just staying you've been helping her be more spontaneous." Laf shrugged, smiling at Laura. 

"And you all found that hysterical?" Carmilla raised an eyebrow, not believing their excuse. 

"The idea of me being spontaneous _is_ pretty laughable." Perry spoke in her most convincing voice before she disappeared into the bathroom, pajamas in hand. 

Carmilla didn't believe them, but didn't care enough to press for the real reason for the laughter.  Instead she made herself comfortable on the bed Laura was sitting on and turned on the tv. She ignored the lingering stare Laura was giving her, breathing out a long exhale when Laura finally turned her attention to the tv and sank down further on the bed. 

A silent agreement to go to bed was made and everyone took turns in the bathroom before settling under covers and letting out tired sighs. A quick conversation about the plan for the morning was had- fix the car, grab breakfast, then get back on the road headed south. After that it wasn't long before one by one everyone started to fall asleep. 

Carmilla turned the volume down on the tv and watched it absentmindedly. Figures acting out dramatic lives without sound was strange to watch. Lives without words, emotions without music. 

"What's in California?" Laura spoke quietly. Her eyes were trained on the tv as well, but obviously tired. It was only her and Carmilla left awake, and she wasn't far from falling asleep from the looks of it. 

"Sunshine, beaches, girls in bikinis." Carmilla smirked, letting her head roll to the side to look at Laura. 

Laura just rolled her eyes, pulling the pillow she was hugging tighter to her chest. "That's not what I meant."

Carmilla let out a breathy chuckle and turned back to the tv without a word.

A few minutes passed before Laura spoke again, "Aren't you home sick?"

Apparently it didn't matter how tired Laura was, she was in the mood for conversation and Carmilla's sarcasm wasn't deterring that.

"I don't get home sick." Carmilla responded flatly, eye blinking slowly as she watched the tv. 

"Never?" Laura looked up at her, shifting slightly in the bed to prop her head up on one of her hands. 

"Never." Carmilla shrugged, glancing down at her.

"How is that possible?" Laura's voice was still quiet, thick with sleep. 

Carmilla pulled in a breath, letting it out slowly before responding, "I've never really had a home to be homesick for." Once again a very honest answer left her lips before she realized it and Carmilla wasn't sure how Laura did that. 

Laura didn't respond, instead laying back down on the pillow and watching the tv light flicker through the quiet room. 

That comment explained more about Carmilla than Laura had expected from the question. It made sense why Carmilla kept people at arms length. Not having a home, a place to feel wanted and safe, keeping a distance was a way to keep herself from getting hurt. She was afraid to let people in and have a place in her heart. Afraid to want something she had never had before. 

Laura could relate, but for the opposite reason. She had always had a home, a place to go back to, people she knew loved her, a place she found safe. Going to California was a leap of faith for her- it wasn't home. It was new and scary and the furthest thing from feeling safe. 

Maybe that's why their lives had been forced to overlap. Maybe Laura could offer a sense of home for Carmilla, someone who had never had it. And maybe Carmilla could do the same for her, a new sense of home in an otherwise foreign and scary place. 

She knew it was a stretch and awfully presumptuous to think she could be a part of what Carmilla called 'home'. But it had only been a few days and they already felt so completely connected. Laura wasn't sure in what way yet, but it felt important and it felt right. For someone terrified of what the future held and without any solid plan, finding someone so utterly un phased by the unknown was oddly comforting. 

"Goodnight, Carm." Laura's eyes were far too heavy to keep open, and her thoughts too deep for how tired she was. She still had time to figure out her future, and a bit more time to find out if Carmilla was meant to be a part of it, so she let herself succumb to sleep. 

Carmilla let out a breath slowly, glancing down at the girl now sleeping beside her. She reached out to tuck some hair behind her ear but stopped short, fingers hovering near her for a second before pulling back.

"Goodnight, Laura."

She shook her head to herself before climbing under the covers and placing a pillow in the small space between them. It hadn't worked the night before but she had to at least make the effort. 

She fell asleep to the flickering light from the tv and electricity in her fingertips, begging her to reach out and find Laura's hand. 

 

\--

 

_Day 6_

_I will never admit to my father how much sugar I ate today. I will never forget how a flat tire turned out to be a wonderful thing. I will_ _never forget the way Perry got excited over chili and Laf over hotdogs. I will never forget this trip and how it's turned out to be something I never expected._

_There's a lot of things I never expected. Carmilla included._


	10. Close enough to touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lauras idea of a stop...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one took so long to post... I forgot how to write for a minute. So, sorry if this chapter struggles.  
> is anyone even here still? ha.

After an entire day spent outside of the car, being on the road felt awful. It had only been an hour and everyone seemed antsy for a break already. Laura wouldn't say where they were headed, only giving them an estimated arrival time. Which, since it was just under 5 hours, wasn't very helpful to their early restlessness. 

"We could play a game?" Laf unbuckled long enough to pull they legs up to sit cross legged then re buckled. 

"Please, God, no." Carmilla closed her eyes and shook her head before reaching over to roll the window down. "I can't take anymore hypothetical 'vampire or werewolf' questions."

"Oh, easy." Laura smiled, glancing over at Carmilla then back at the road. "Vampire."

"Really?" Carmilla couldn't even pretend that hadn't grabbed her attention immediately. 

"Look who wants to play now." Laf teased from the back seat. 

“I think I’d rather be a witch.” Perry said thoughtfully, earning amused looks from everyone else in the car. She really didn't understand the rules to this game.

Carmilla ignored them, her hand reaching out the window to catch the wind rushing by the car, but her attention still on Laura. 

"What?" Laura asked, her cheeks warming slightly at the attention but unsure why her comment had captured Carmilla's curiosity. 

"Just making a mental note." Carmilla smirked. When Laura looked back at her with a confused expression she leaned over the center console closer to Laura and lowered her voice, "Handcuffs and biting, I'll remember that for sure."

Laura's warm cheeks were immediately on fire, her eyes wide but locked on the road. Carmilla was close enough that when she chuckled, Laura felt the puffs of air blow against her hair and skin and it took every ounce of self control not to turn and look at her. 

Having the real Carmilla back was great, but it also meant she was feeling flustered more than usual again. Even so, Carmilla's smile lingered longer than it used to and her eyes were somehow different too. Laura wasn't sure why or what had changed, but she was starting to really enjoy the constant eruption of butterflies even if she was being teased relentlessly about how obviously easy she got flustered. 

Even Perry joined in on the teasing, "Laura sweetie, do we need to turn up the air conditioning? You look a little flushed."

"I'm fine." Laura forced herself to sound neutral, reaching for the button to roll her window down. 

Carmilla chuckled and leaned back to her side of the car, her hand reaching out the window once again to press against the wind rushing by. The radio was on, volume was low enough you could hear it but not well enough to recognize the song. Pretty soon all the windows were down and everyone had a hand out against the wind. It was a comfortable quiet, the landscape enough to pay attention to. Fields, then trees, hills, open land. It shifted as they drove south, quickly leaving Oklahoma and crossing into Texas. 

Laura wasn't _exactly_ sure where she was going. She had mapped out the route as best she could and was trying to pay attention to road signs. Thankfully they were meant to stay on the same highway for quite a while. She was also just hoping her intended destination ended up being as cool as she wanted it to be. She had used the motels wifi to the night before to do a search, and when she found what she was looking for, was so excited, she completely forgot to do more research than find out where it was. 

"Do you guys mind if we find a place with wifi when we stop for lunch?" Laura asked, her hand floating in the same wave pattern as Carmilla's out the window. 

"Checking your email for responses to your resume?" Laf leaned forward a little to make sure they would be heard over the wind. 

"No." Laura glanced over her shoulder, "well, yes, that too. But I just want check on something for today."

"Resume?" Carmilla kicked a foot up on the dash.

"Yeah." Laura sighed, she had actually forgotten about that entirely until Laf mentioned it. "I um, applied for some jobs before the trip and I'm just waiting to hear back."

Carmilla hummed in response, reaching for the radio dial instead of making an attempt to continue the conversation. Most stations were more static than music but she finally found one dedicated to 80's pop and settled on it. 

It wasn't long before everyone was either humming along or tapping their fingers against a hard surface. 80's pop changed to old country, then into what Carmilla described perfectly as 'one too many banjos at the cook out'. There was a brief stint of opera. Brief, being the key word. Until there was nothing but static. That's when Carmilla took things into her own hands and hooked her phone up to the cable connected to the radio. 

After the ridiculous game of music roulette they had been playing with radio stations, it seemed a safe bet that as long as it was music, no one would object. So she set her music on shuffle and left it at that. 

Right off the bat everyone was already enjoying Carmilla's music more than the sketchy radio stations. Her taste of music didn't quite make sense while on shuffle. Classical concertos followed up by hard rock and everything in between. ' _Pass_ ' was yelled out more than once as songs changed but Carmilla didn't mind, it was all her music so every song was a good one to her. 

They had driven just over another hour when the open landscape started to dwindle out to small towns off the highway. Laura was waiting for one that seemed big enough to have restaurants with wifi available instead of the single gas station towns with a Subway being their nicest place to eat. That's when yet another unexpected thing happened. 

 _Sir Mixalot_. 

First off, Laura literally gasped when it started playing. Her eyes went wide and her smile was one of disbelief when she looked over at Carmilla. 

Carmilla, however, acted unfazed. Except for the tint of red at the tips of her ears, she seemed completely unembarrassed that this song was part of her collection. 

It only got better when Laf started talking in their best 'valley girl' voice, knowing all the words to the spoken introduction. "Oh, my, God Becky, look at her butt. It is so big, she looks like One of those rap guys' girlfriends..."

Laura busted up laughing and Carmilla rolled her eyes. For whatever reason, it didn't surprise either of them that Lafontaine knew the words. Carmilla reached for her phone and was about to skip to the next song when another voice started singing along. 

_"I like big butts and I can not lie_

_You other brothers can't deny_

_That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist_

_And a round thing in your face_

_You get sprung..."_

"Perry?!" Lafontaine was caught in a mixture of surprise and sheer delight. 

"No. Way." Laura's laughter stopped immediately, her eyes going wide as she watched through the rear view mirror and couldn't stop her jaw from dropping as Perry sang along effortlessly. 

Perry looked up from her page of sudoku she was working on, she hadn't even been trying to put on a show. She had simply begun singing along absentmindedly. Even with all the surprised looks, she kept going, " _She gotta pack much back._ _So, fellas.."_

 _"Yeah!"_ Laf joined in on backup. 

 " _Fellas_ ," Perry smiled wide, shimmying her shoulders a little. 

" _Yeah!_ "

" _Has your girlfriend got the butt?_ " This time Perry actually giggled as she sang the line, making Laura crack up and join Laf for backup.

" _Hell yeah!_ " Laf and Laura shouted together. 

" _Tell 'em to shake it-_ "

" _shake it!_ " Laura looked over at Carmilla, smiling wide and raising her eyebrows as an invitation to join the singing. She couldn't very well say anything, she was in the middle of a very serious section of the song and it would be a tragedy of she wasn't readily available to sing the lyrics.  

" _-shake it!_ "

Carmilla shook her head. She knew it was her own fault. This was her music, after all. But of all the songs that could have started a singalong, she would never have guessed it would be this one. 

" _shake it!_ " Laura's smile was only getting bigger the longer Carmilla refused to play along. 

" _Shake that healthy butt_ "

It was now or never. The song was ending and Carmilla desperately wanted to show Laura she had a playful side. Because she did. She just didn't always know how to let it out. But it was her music, and she couldn't lie about not enjoying the song. So she turned to Laura with a smirk and lowered her voice. 

" _Baby got back._ " The wink took no thought, and the look on Laura's face made it clear it was the right move.

Laura was smiling so wide she had to bite her lip to try to keep it under control. Between Perry somehow knowing every word to that song, how effortlessly she and Laf had become backup vocals, and the sheer eruption of butterflies in her stomach when Carmilla said the final line, it was clear this trip was beyond something special.

Then she subtle shake of Carmilla's head and the unmistakable smile on her lips only made her more excited for the possibilities the rest of the trip could bring. 

Everyone was still smiling and singing along to 'Gangsters Paradise' when Laura pulled off the highway in search for a place to stop for lunch. 

——

"Mmm." Laura hummed around another warm French fry.

She hadn't ordered French fries, but Carmilla had. The sound pulled Carmilla's attention and she looked over out of the corner of her eye. So far Laura hadn't eaten anything except Carmilla's French fries, otherwise she had been too focused on the computer screen in front of her. 

They had found a good sized city with plenty of eating options and landed in place much nicer than the diners they had been frequenting, but still not 5 star worthy. 

Laura continued to steal fries and stare at her computer. Laf was frowning into a salad after Perry’s suggestion they eat something healthy after the less than healthy food they've been consuming the last couple of days. The fair being a prime example. Perry was plenty happy with her salmon and rice and Carmilla, well, Carmilla smirked and moaned every time she took a bite of her giant bacon burger. 

Laf’s frown deepened with every bite. 

"How's the wifi?" Laf chewed at a piece of lettuce, part of it sticking out of their mouth almost as a sign of rebellion. _I'll eat this salad, but it won't be pretty!_

"Pretty fast actually." Laura looked over her screen and nodded, wincing at the sight of Laf forcing down another bite. "No resume replies though."

"How many did you send out?" Perry asked, very obviously ignoring Laf's poor attempt at rebellion. 

"About a dozen or so I think." Laura shrugged and started to shut her lap top.

"Hold on." Carmilla's hand was quick to stop the screen from shutting, "did you write it out in crayon? Why wouldn't you get a reply? Was your last job writing the menus for high school lunchrooms?"

Laura scoffed, swatting Carmilla's hand away but opening the computer back up, "No. I have many marketable skills and experience. Thank you very much."

"Let's see." Carmilla reached for the computer, waiting for permission to take it. Laura nodded and she pulled it into the space in front of her, pushing the plate of fries towards Laura. 

Receiving shrugs from the other two across the table, Laura ate another fry. "What? Are you some resume expert?"

"Perhaps." Carmilla scanned the screen in front of her a minute before leaning back in her chair and sighing, "this is boring.”

“I attached some writing samples?” Laura was hoping that fact would change Carmilla’s opinion. Maybe she had a point, but weren't all resumes boring?

Carmilla clicked on the attachment and read through the samples quickly. Laura was good. It was only small clips from articles she had written, but still, she was better than Carmilla was expecting. Better than the resume she had made her seem.

“You need to make the resume interesting or they wont get to the writing part.” Carmilla looked over at her like it was a no brainer. “If they fall asleep on the first page, they wont get to the stuff worth staying awake for.”

"It's a resume." Laura looked at her blankly, "not a romance novel or a choose your own adventure book."

Laf snorted and stole one of Carmilla's fries.

Carmilla actually chuckled. 

Laura wasn't just proud of herself when she could get Carmilla to laugh, she absolutely loved the sound of it. 

"True." Carmilla deleted a word and replaced it with one of her own. She did it a few more times the shifted the computer to face Laura, "but you want to get a job, not put them to sleep."

Laura leaned forward to read the changes. She glared up at Carmilla slightly when she realized Carmilla had in fact made it better already. "Alright fine. What else?"

"Well you're sending this to someone who's job is to sort through these and find the winners. So be a winner."

"I don't follow."

"They see a hundred of these every day. If yours looks the same as the other 99 in the pile, they won't even notice it. So stick out." Carmilla grabbed for her cup and sucked on the straw, "Say something different. Be memorable."

"Ok, but how?" Laura got what Carmilla was saying in theory. It wasn't so clear in practice. It was a resume. There's a certain kind of protocol for these things, there was only so much she could do short of attaching scratch and sniff stickers and using glow in the dark ink to stand out. 

Stickers _were_ cool. But she was a professional, so that option was out. 

Carmilla sighed before pulling the computer back towards her to make some adjustments. "Any special skills?"

"It's on there." Laura pointed to the screen, "my typing speed as well as computer programs I'm familiar with-"

"I said special. Not coma inducing."

"Geez, you're hardcore about resumes." Laura scooted her chair closer to Carmilla's and leaned forward on the table. "Who knew?"

"Skills, experience, um, something that's in the vicinity of what you'd do for work but uh, not exactly." Carmilla glanced down at their arms, Laura had placed hers just next to Carmilla's and the warmth was making her arm hairs stand on end. She gulped and glanced up, grateful Laura's attention was on the screen. Glancing across the table, the other two were in their own conversation as well. So it appeared that Carmilla was the only one painfully aware of how the smallest thing elicited a large reaction from her. 

Her arm. Her arm for Christ sake. That's all it was. Sharing a table. Almost touching. As Laura leaned in close enough that Carmilla could smell her shampoo-

"How about the concert series I wrote on in high school?" Laura asked a little unsure, "I met with the bands and managers, wrote segments? It wasn't huge or anything and it was in high school, but it ended up getting picked up by the local paper."

"No, yeah." Carmilla took a deep breath, forcing herself to look away from soft brown eyes that were incredibly close to her own. “That- that could work."

Laura actually started to eat her own food as Carmilla typed. Answering questions when Carmilla would ask them, even though they didn't seem to be stuff you'd want to put on a resume. For some reason Laura decided Carmilla knew what she was doing and she was going to trust her. 

"There." Carmilla saved it and slid the computer back before eating one of the crisply fries Laura had left on the plate. 

"How did you do that?" Laura was scanning the screen, "I sound awesome!"

Carmilla chuckled and reached for her drink, "I wouldn't go that far." She took a sip, hiding her smile in her cup when Laura smacked her arm playfully, "I'd hire you, though.” Laura smiled at her and in an attempt to keep her smiling, Carmilla kept talking. “So why Journalism?”

Laura shrugged, she never had an answer to that question when people asked. Its just what she's always wanted to do for as long as she could remember. “Theres always a new assignment. Something different. The people, topics, and I’m good at it.”

“And you’re applying to what, newspapers? Magazines?”

“Newspapers mostly.” Laura didn't seem excited about her answer. 

“I see.” Carmilla nodded slightly like she was thinking something over.

“What?”

“I didn't say anything.”

“You didn't have to.” Laura wasn't backing down. Carmilla clearly had something to say and wasn't saying it.

Carmilla narrowed her eyes, considering what voicing her thought might do. Start an argument, push Laura away, “Just sounds like you’re putting your fate in other peoples hands. Wanting assignments instead of finding your own stories, settling for just sending resumes in hopes someone gives you a chance. Just like this trip; Letting Perry plan it all. It doesn't even sound like you know _why_ you want to do it.”

Okay, rude. Sure she had let Perry do some planning, and wasn't the protocol to send out resumes? Its not like she could demand a job from someone.

“I want to make a difference. Give people a voice.” The firmness of her voice surprised herself and she suddenly had an answer to the question that had been asked a million times.

That fact alone made it a little easier to ignore the tiny smirk on Carmilla’s face. Laura had grown up in a loving home— it wasn't perfect, but it had been great. She knew others weren't that lucky. She knew there was evil in the world, people fighting against that evil, and some people just trying their hardest to survive. The people just trying to survive? Those were the people she desperately wanted to offer hope to. “So few people are heard. Even when they are practically screaming. Maybe if I make my voice loud enough, I can help those people be heard. I think its important, if you have a voice that people will hear, you have the chance to change things. Help people. Make things better.” 

Although Carmilla had been expecting a reaction from prodding Laura, it wasn't exactly that. She was everything Carmilla had initially thought of her. Innocent, big heart and a slightly naive sense of the world and how it worked. But she was stubborn enough that what she was saying, her desire to help people, to make a difference, she just might actually be able to do it given the right opportunities. Laura's words also struck another chord with her— Carmilla had a voice. A loud one. One she hadn't asked for but had been given.

Her company. Or more, her fathers company.

Here Laura was, willing to take any form of a voice she could get just to help anyone and Carmilla was contemplating giving her voice and its reach away.

“You think a newspaper in California is how you’ll make a difference?” Carmilla asked, at first her voice small, almost ashamed at her willingness to give away something Laura was seeking after. Then it shifted, turning almost challenging, “Writing puff pieces on terrible traffic and beach activities, celebrities and plastic surgery?”

She knew it was petty, but maybe if she made Laura’s idea sound stupid, she wouldn't feel so awful about her own situation.

“It could be a start.” Laura wasn't offended, in fact, she seemed to understand exactly what Carmilla was saying. “I don’t know. We all have to start somewhere. Maybe for me thats covering beach volleyball tournaments and celebrity dog walkers. Who knows.”

Quiet filled the table again, Laf and Perry hadn't been paying attention to their conversation, having one of their own. Laura was giving Carmilla an understanding look even though she hadn't exactly been nice their entire conversation, which only made Carmilla feel worse about it all. She was about to get up and excuse herself to the bathroom as an attempt to escape the mental and emotional rollercoaster she was feeling when Laura reached for the computer.

Laura smiled at her before slowly shutting the screen and changing the subject just in time, "So where'd the hidden talent of resume building come from?"

"I uh, spent some time in the hiring department at my company- uh, _the_ company, that I work at. I was once the person that fell asleep reading those things.” She gestured towards the computer and sighed, like the memory alone was boring her to death.

"I thought you said you were in buying and selling properties and stuff?" It was an innocent question. Fact was, Carmilla rarely gave specific and personal information about herself, so when she did, Laura remembered. 

"I am.” Carmilla answered matter of factly. "I wasn't doing the hiring thing long. Just a shadow opportunity. See how the department functioned, all that.”

“I’ve never heard of shadowing departments you dont actually work in.” Maybe she was pushing… _Of course_ she was pushing. But Carmilla hadn't stopped talking yet, so why not push a little more. “You do that often? Shadow?”

"Yeah.." Carmilla looked down at her plate, trying to come up with an easy explanation that didn't involve lying. 

It was a requirement before receiving ownership of the company. Her father had placed so many conditions over it, she wasn't even sure what they all were. He thought that if she spent time in each department, it would help her be a better boss. It was smart in theory, terribly boring for Carmilla in real life though. And not exactly something she wanted to explain. _'Oh yeah, before I get to call the company mine, I have to learn the ropes in each department to make me a more understanding and involved superior to absolutely everyone that works there. Cause I own it. The entire company.'_ Yeah. No way.

Laura saw Carmilla's expression change and she knew it was either give her an easy out, or accept the shut down that would happen any second. Honestly, after the newspaper comment about writing about celebrities and traffic, Laura was surprised they were still talking at all. It was clear something she had said struck a nerve and irritated Carmilla even if she wasn't being forthcoming about it.

"That's cool." Laura shrugged and scooted back in her chair, "I'll be back. Watch my stuff?”

Carmilla just nodded, surprised by the sudden exit but not exactly wanting to argue with it. Things were complicated enough without adding lies to the whole thing. Laura leaving worked in her favor and she didn't have to say anything more at all. 

As she watched Laura walk across the restaurant to the bathroom, Carmilla got an idea. She grabbed the computer and pulled it back in front of her and opened it up. The screen instantly lit up and the resume sat open on the screen just as Laura had left it. Scrolling up to the task bar Carmilla was quick to copy the file and open up a new webpage. She pulled open her email account and attached the file before typing in an email address to send it to, then quickly logged off after it had sent, and closed the browser then computer once again.

“I’ll be back.” Carmilla threw another crispy fry over at Lafontaine as she stood up to make sure they were paying attention. “I’ll be outside, don’t let this shit get taken.”

Laf waved their hand absentmindedly at Carmilla which caused them to be on the receiving end of a disappointed look from Perry. After a smug grin from Carmilla, Laf agreed to watch Laura’s stuff just before Carmilla headed out the door and onto the sidewalk.

The answer was almost immediate, which wasn't typical of Mattie. 

"Carmilla." Mattie sounded relieved, "Are you finished with your little walkabout?"

"I just sent you an email."

Mattie sighed and Carmilla heard a few keyboard clicks before another more dramatic sigh. 

"Are we changing your identity?" Mattie jeered. "Because I'm positive we can come up with a better name than.. _Laura Hollis?_ "

"I need you to do me a favor." She turned around on the sidewalk, glancing through the window and seeing Laura back at the table with Laf and Perry. "Just look that over and send it to anyone you think could have interest in hiring her."

"Laura Hollis." Mattie said it slowly, like she was more amused than annoyed now. "A new pet?"

"It's not like that." Carmilla rolled her eyes, even though Mattie couldn't see her, she felt like it was implied with her tone. 

"Fine." Mattie clicked her tongue, "I'll mention you're trying to get little miss journalist hired and I'm sure-"

"No." Carmilla cut her off quickly, "I don't want you to mention my name. Or ask any favors. Just send it out, say it came across your desk and, and just wanted to pass it on to more appropriate people, or something."

"You realize one mention of being endorsed by a Karnstein and she could have the job of her choosing?"

"I know. She doesn't need the Karnstein name, though. She's good enough without it. She just needs help getting it in front of the right people, is all." 

"Fine." Mattie was quick to add, "if I do this, will you be done with this secret adventure and come home?"

"Not yet." Carmilla couldn't help but enjoy annoying Mattie a bit. She was so used to just going along with things, ignoring requests was actually quite fun when Mattie couldn't do anything about it and her mother was oblivious to her whereabouts. "Just a few more days, then you'll get to see my pretty face again."

The bell over the door chimed behind Carmilla and she spun around to her travel companions walking outside. 

"Ready?" Laura offered her a smile, which Carmilla couldn't help but return. 

"Gotta go." She didn't wait for a response or even an annoyed sigh from Mattie before hanging up and following the other three to the car. 

It wasn't until they were all in the car and back on the road that Carmilla questioned her decision to share Laura's resume with Mattie. She could be crossing a line, not getting permission first. But she knew Laura was good, and deserved more than writing puff pieces on unimportant drivel. And considering all she did was get her resume to a few extra people, she figured it wasn't anything Laura would be upset about. Any calls she received would still be entirely because of her and have nothing to do with Carmilla, as long as Mattie did what she asked her. And on the off chance nothing even came of it, Laura wouldn't even have to know what she had done at all. It was the perfect plan. 

Right?

——

Laura glanced down at the dash then over at Laf who was sitting shot gun with a wide smile, "We should fill up the tank before we leave town and get back on the highway."

"What?" Laf turned quickly with a frown, "the first time I actually get shotgun from Carmilla and you want to stop after 2 minutes?"

Carmilla smirked from her spot in the back seat, Laura did her best not to smile at her reflection in the rear view mirror. Carmilla had given up the seat far more easily that Laura had expected, and even with the smirk, Laura could tell there was something on her mind. 

"Do we know how much further we are going?" Perry asked as she unfolded her map to try to find where they were. 

"Yes!" Laura smiled, still the only one knowing where they were headed, "I actually just looked that up."

"Great." Their tone was sarcastic. Laf clearly wasn't as thrilled since the mention of stoppin for gas was mentioned. "Let's fill up with gas, grab some snacks for the road and then head off to our mystery location."

"I'm surprised you aren't more thrilled about the unknown." Carmilla was watching Laura in the mirror. Her smile was bright and she looked more excited than she had been the whole trip. Wherever she was taking them, she was really excited for it.  

"Call me crazy, but I have this feeling my time in shotgun is about to come to an end."

They weren't wrong. But not because of the reason they thought. 

\--

When Carmilla walked into the gas station, Laura was at the back, predictably in the isle with the cookies. Laf was at the register, handing the guy behind the counter cash for two bottles of Gatorade. 

"Hey Einstein." Carmilla nodded at them, glancing at Laura quickly to make sure she was out of earshot before speaking again, "Do me a favor. Get ready to play getaway driver."

Laf looked at her blankly for a minute. They were sure she was trying to tell them to do something but unless she was about to rob the place, the words didn't make sense. 

Carmilla must have sensed the hesitance cause she rolled her eyes, "nothing illegal is about to happen. We just need a dramatic exit."

"Why do most of your ideas include breaking and entering or other dubious intentions?" Laf chuckled though, more amused then deterred. Carmilla's ideas have been questionable so far, but nothing too extreme that warranted actual worry. 

It didn't stop them from turning around once they were at the door and catching Carmilla sliding a fifty dollar bill across the counter to the guy at the register. 

—

"Rick?" Carmilla leaned forward to read the lopsided name tag.

"That's me." This guy was the embodiment of the word bored. 

"How would you like to make some easy cash?" She pressed her fingers onto the bill on the counter and slid it towards him slowly. 

Rick was suddenly all ears, except for his eyes that were trailing up and down Carmilla's body and unabashedly slowing over her chest. 

"Ew." Carmilla stood up with a disgusted expression, "Not happening perv."

Rick frowned but still seemed interested in whatever Carmilla was going to say. 

"See the girl salivating over cookies?" Carmilla and Rick both glanced over at Laura who had a look of longing on her face as she scanned the shelf full of cookies. 

"What about her?" Rick looked back to Carmilla, still completely bored.

"How much would you say the items in her hands add up to be?"

Rick leaned over the counter so he could see Laura better and gave a thoughtful look. "6, 7 bucks?"

"Alright." Carmilla pulled her hand back, leaving the bill on the counter, "add a couple waters and that's what, $12 worth? Give or take."

Rick nodded, not really sure where this was going. 

"I'll let you keep this," Carmilla nodded to the money, "if you let us run out of here without stopping at the counter."

"You want to pay to pretend to rob the place?" Rick asked, completely amused. This was probably the most interesting day of work he had ever had. 

"Exactly." Carmilla grinned, raising an eyebrow, waiting for his reply. 

Rick thought about it for maybe 2 seconds before grabbing the cash and shoving it in his pocket. Then he grabbed a magazine off the rack sitting on the counter and opened it up. "Knock yourself out."

Carmilla smiled and made her way over to Laura who was still staring at cookies. 

When Laura noticed her she smiled, "what do you think, chocolate chip or peanut butter?"

Carmilla just raised an eyebrow then walked past her to the cooler filled with water. She grabbed two bottles before stepping back next to Laura, "just pick one then let's go. Quick." 

She looked back up at Rick who was still reading his magazine with a grin. He was probably as curious about how this was going to play out as Carmilla was. 

Laura sighed and grabbed the packet of chocolate chip cookies, "Hold on, I need to pay."

Carmilla's hand was quick to grab Laura's arm before she could even take a step towards the counter. "Remember that fear you mentioned to me?"

Laura looked confused for a second then she rolled her eyes and shook her head, "Look, I get that riding a bike with no hands may seem easy to a motorcycle riding badass, but for someone like me it turns a bike into a death trap."

"No, not that." Carmilla chuckled, "well, yes I'm a badass and it is embarrassing you can't ride with no hands but that's not the one in talking about."

"Oh. Which one then?"

Carmilla's smile turned devious and she lowered her voice to a whisper, "Dine and dash."

"Oh no." Laura's eyes were as wide as Carmilla had ever seen them, "No no no no. We cannot do that here." She quickly looked to the counter, relieved the guy there wasn't paying attention to them at all. 

"Why not?" Carmilla wiggled her eyebrows, excitement in her eyes. 

Laura took a deep breath. It didn't take the threat of breaking the law to make her heart race when it came to Carmilla, but the look in her eyes definitely got it pumping quickly. 

"First of all, this is a gas station, not a restaurant. And two, it's illegal." She paused, her head tilting slightly in thought, "I see now number two should be my first concern."

Carmilla shook her head, unfazed by Laura's concerns, "Ok, so it's the less formal version then. Treat it and beat it? Drink and slink?"

Laura snorted. Carmilla would hate it if she knew, but Laura thought she was adorable sometimes. 

"Clever. But still illegal."

"Come on." Carmilla grabbed the cookies out of Laura's hand and put them under her arm, her free hand grabbing Laura's and pulling her along the back isle slowly, "Break the rules for once. Who knows, maybe this'll give you the courage to spread your wings next time you ride that two wheeled death trap."

"Carm.." Laura wined quietly but not putting up a fight at the gentle pulling from Carmilla's hand. 

"Trust me." Carmilla whispered, with the least trustworthy smirk known to man on her face. 

Laura totally trusted her anyway. "I don't know." She still wasn't putting an ounce of objection into her movements as she followed Carmilla closer to the door. 

"It's a package of cookies, not the Crown Jewels." Carmilla whispered it right in Laura's ear playfully. 

"Fine." She had been convinced far too easily for her own liking. "But if we get arrested, I'm saying you kidnapped me and I was forced."

"Stockholm syndrome." Carmilla shrugged with a cocky smile. 

"Huh?" Laura glanced back at the counter, the man was still reading the magazine. But, it looked like it was upside down?

"When the captive falls in love with their captor."

That was enough for Laura to forget about the upside down magazine "What? That is not- I never said-"

Carmilla's smile grew wide and warm and more beautiful than Laura had ever seen it before. 

"Quit stammering and run."

With that, Carmilla gripped onto Laura's hand tighter and pulled her quickly to the door, pushing it open with her back and pulling Laura through. There was a lackluster 'stop!' from behind them that made Carmilla laugh as she ran, Laura's hand in hers, towards the car. 

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh.." Laura was on repeat as Carmilla grabbed their stuff from her and threw it through the open back seat window before opening the door. 

"What's going on?" Perry asked frantically from the front seat as Carmilla practically shoved Laura through the door. 

Carmilla climbed in after her, nodding at Laf who was sporting a huge grin. Before the door was even shut behind Carmilla, Laf peeled out, the tires screeching as thy pulled back towards the road. Carmilla slammed the door shut just as they pulled out of the gas station. 

Laura grabbed the headrest in front of her, pulling herself forward towards Laf, "were you in on this?!"

Lafontaine looked over their shoulder and shrugged, "I was only hired as a getaway driver."

Laura gaped, more delighted than anything else. Perry however, looked furious. 

"She didn't tell me what they were going to do." Laf defended, looking at the red head with the same shade of red in her hair, covering her face in the front seat, "I swear!"

"Plausible deniability." Carmilla shrugged when she was on the receiving end of a hard glare. When Laf lifted their hand and held it behind them, Carmilla smiled and slapped it. Never had a high five been more perfect.

"I can't believe I just did that." Laura was giggling between quiet exclamations of 'oh my gosh'. 

Carmilla chuckled, shifting to pull food out from under her and gathering it together on the seat, "disappointed handcuffs weren't involved?”

"Not at all." Laura was fast to respond. She grabbed the package of chocolate chip cookies from the pile and lifted it up, "I'm afraid there were some casualties during our getaway, though.” 

She shook the package, the sound of cookie pieces rattling around. 

"Would someone like to explain exactly what just happened?" Perry still wasn't smiling despite the laughing and cheerful banter from everyone else. 

“Snack and pack.” Laura smiled at Carmilla who just winked at her before settling back in her seat.

Broken cookies aside, that was probably the most exciting 2 minutes of her life. She knew it was silly, and totally illegal, but she couldn't help but smile. Carmilla brought out this reckless and daring side of herself she didn't know was there. Sure, she didn't always make the smartest decisions and got into her fair share of trouble on her own, but this felt different.

10 minutes on the highway her heart was still pounding but Laura had the feeling it was from the girl sharing the back seat with her and not her moment of rebellion.

—

“Laura, I swear to whatever higher power you believe in, if you don’t stop shaking your leg I’m going to throw you out the window.”

Carmilla using her name made her smile. The annoyed tone made it short lived.

Laura knew the shaking was annoying. It was bothering _her_ , and she was the one doing it. But she couldn't help it, because as long as she kept bouncing her leg, she wouldn't pee her pants.

“I’m sorry.” Laura wined, her expression that of someone in unbearable pain. "I think it was all the excitement at the gas station, I cant help it."

“We can find a bush?” Laf asked, slowing the car just in case Laura wanted them to pull over.

“No way.” Laura shook her head. “Look out the window. Theres not a bush in sight and I’m not about to just pee on the side of the highway.”

Laf shrugged and sped up once more. “Well the last sign said there was a town in 28 miles.”

“Can you hold it that long, sweetie?” Perry asked, the only one even _acting_ sympathetic to the situation.

Laura took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly through puffed cheeks, “I can try.”

“This is ridiculous.” Carmilla reach over and grabbed Laura’s knee, forcing it to stop bouncing, “If I can find you a private place for you to pee before that town, will you use it?”

“Of course.” Laura spat out quickly. Holding it in was starting to actually get painful, and if Carmilla had a magic way to make it so she didn't have to pee in the middle of the desert where anyone could see, she might as well go for it.

“No matter what?” Carmilla asked, testing the commitment of her answer.

Laura just nodded and started bouncing her leg again in spite of Carmilla’s tight grip. Then the grip was gone, and Carmilla was leaning between the front seats and talking quietly to Lafontaine.

“Seriously?” Laf turned and looked at Carmilla with a shocked expression. When Carmilla nodded with a smirk, Laf just shook their head and sped up.

Laura had no clue what the plan was but if meant she got to use the bathroom, she wasn't sure she cared. That is, until Laf pulled up next to the truck that had been driving ahead of them, pulling a camper driving down the road and matched their speed. Carmilla was quick to roll down her window before nodding to Laf, who sped and changed lanes to be able to pull up next to the truck. Laf pulled up until Carmilla was in line with the drivers window on the truck then did their best to match their speed.

“No way.” Laura’s leg wasn't bouncing anymore.

“You said no matter what.” Carmilla looked at her before lifting herself and sticking the top half of her body out the window. She was waving at the driver, trying to get them to roll their window down.

Laura couldn't believe what was happening. Laf looked positively delighted about it all, doing their best to keep the same speed at the truck. Perry was saying something about seatbelt’s but no one was actually paying attention. Laura watched, mortified, as the driver of the truck rolled their window down, a look of concern on his face as he watched Carmilla hang out her window.

Laura had never been more embarrassed in her life as she watched the truck slow down and start to pull over on the side of the road. Carmilla was just smiling smugly as she slid back in the car, hair wild from the wind.

“What did you even say to them?” Laura whined, covering her face to hide the extreme redness that was probably now permanent. She wasn't sure what more more painful, the embarrassment, or how full her bladder was.

“That we had a little ray of sunshine in the car that needed a potty, urgently.” Carmilla teased. “They were more than happy to stop. They said they understood, having small children of their own.”

“Oh my god.” Laura groaned, letting her head fall back against the headrest.

Once the car stopped, Carmilla had to practically drag Laura out of the back seat, a never-ending argument and talking over one another—

“I’ll hold it!”

“You said you couldn’t-“

“I’ll just pee my pants! That’ll be less embarrassing.”

“They already stopped to let you use their camper.”

“I’ll give them cookie pieces as an apology-“

“cupcake, you’re surprisingly strong for your size..”

“I feel like i should be offended by that statement.”

Carmilla laughed and for a minute Laura entirely forgot about the uncomfortable situation she was in. Then she heard the truck door open and close and she was suddenly very aware of it again.

“Please don’t make me do this.” Laura whispered harshly as Carmilla continued to tug her along.

“This, uh, this is who needs the bathroom?” A middle aged man with salt and pepper hair walked around the truck towards the camper door to meet Carmilla and Laura. He looked surprised to see the girls and even glanced around like he was looking for someone else.

“Our little ray of sunshine.” Carmilla grinned at the man, shoving her hands in her pockets.

Laura cringed through her attempt at a smile, lifting one hand in a pathetic wave, “Heeeyy.”

The man just chuckled and threw his arm out, gesturing towards the door to the camper, “Well, I guess we’ve already stopped. Let me show you where you’re going.”

Laura held back a groan, this really couldn't get any worse, but man, was she ecstatic to be only a few steps away from a bathroom.

“Woah, this is one nice rig you got.”

Laura spun around to Laf checking out the large camper. The man had stopped as well.

_The bathroom… so close, and yet, so far._

“Ah, thank you.” The man turned around with a smile, hands on his hips, clearly glad someone was impressed. “Its a new Keystone Montana 3610RL.”

Laura had no clue what that meant. All she knew was that if Lafontaine said absolutely anything, that would only postpone her chances at emptying her bladder. 

“Very nice.” Laf nodded, seemingly impressed.

Carmilla must have seen the sheer look of horror on Laura’s face when the man seemed more interested in boasting about his RV than showing her to the bathroom because she silently reached out and took Laura's hand. 

“Cool if we…?” Carmilla pointed over her shoulder with her thumb towards the camper, taking a slow step in that direction.

Laura watched the man, holding her breath. She really wasn't sure how much longer she could hold it. He couldn't have cared less.

“Got her just a few months ago.” He rocked on his heels, picking at his teeth with his tongue, “Its got a fireplace, flat screen tv, King bed—“

“Bathroom?” Carmilla cut him off, her hand on the latch to the door.

The man turned towards them, waving casually, “Right, right, yeah. Go ahead.” then turned back to Lafontaine.

That was all Carmilla needed before pulling open the door, dropping the steps to get inside and pulling Laura up them.

"Is that a rear camera setup?" Laf asked with an impressed nod.

"Wireless." 

Laura heard the man reply just as Carmilla pulled up up the last step and inside the large camper.

“Holy Hufflepuff.” Laura stopped just inside the door and looked around with a quiet scoff. “This place is bigger than my old dorm room.”

She wasn't wrong. It was big. It was one of those rigs that basically grew like an accordion when it was all set up. There was a full kitchen, recliners, a flat screen tv, the thing was loaded. 

“Lavish digs cure the bladder issue?” Carmilla smirked at how easily Laura had gotten distracted.

“No. Not at all.” Laura chuckled then rushed by Carmilla and towards the small hallway that she was hoping would lead to a bathroom. Luckily, she was right.

The door clicked shut and Carmilla heard a relieved sigh from behind it and shook her head. For someone that put up such a fight, Laura sure did seem glad to be peeing. Carmilla was actually glad Laf had jumped out of the car to keep the man busy. There was little she hated more than small talk with strangers. Especially when the situation required her to be friendly. Sure, he was doing them a huge favor, that didn't mean she wanted to be nice. 

Looking around the interior of the camper, Carmilla got curious and walked over to the fridge. 

"Jackpot." She reached for a can sitting inside the fridge and let the door shut on its own. 

"Carm!"

The can was already at her lips, the fizzing soda coupled with the sudden closeness of Laura's voice caused her to sputter in surprise. Carmilla brought her arm up, burying her nose and mouth in the bend of her elbow. 

"Don't do that!" She coughed out, feeling the fizz of the soda in her nose. 

"What are you doing?!"

Carmilla was beginning to think Laura really didn't know what whispering was. There were plenty of times she thought that was Laura's intention, but it never actually sounded like a whisper was supposed to. 

"I was enjoying a cold grape soda." Carmilla pinched her nose, trying to rid it of the uncomfortable fizzing feeling. 

"You can't do that!" 

Another attempt at whispering. 

"Why not?" Carmilla raised an eyebrow and looked around, "they won't even notice."

"You don't know that!"

Are there classes on whispering? Laura should sign up for one.

"Relax." Carmilla rolled her eyes and took another gulp before holding the can out for Laura, "Red 2 has him too busy. He probably forgot we are even in here."

Laura reluctantly took the can from Carmilla, making sure to sigh dramatically before taking a sip. 

_What? It was grape soda. Like she was going to say no._

Carmilla grinned before walking by her and back to the hallway the bathroom had been in. She kept walking to a skinny door and pushed it open. "He wasn't kidding."

"Kidding about what?" Laura was quick to follow Carmilla down the hallway. Her resistance to rule breaking had disappeared astonishingly quick since meeting Carmilla. 

"Miss Hollis." Carmilla held out her hand, "shall we bounce?"

"You can't be serious." Laura was all smiles at this point. Carmilla wasn't usually the playful type, so for her to suggest they jump on the bed- a strangers bed- was rather amusing. 

"I never kid about bouncing." Carmilla managed to keep a straight face despite the urge to smile. 

Moments actually _alone_ with Laura were few and far between. She knew she had a tendency to soften the moment they happened, but as scary as it was to feel so vulnerable at first, she was getting used to it now, and even enjoying it. 

The second Laura took hold of her hand, Carmilla felt the familiar jolt of lightning shoot through her chest. What used to burn and singe the edges of her heart, now only lit the flame that warmed it. 

It was a stumbling mess actually climbing on the bed. Even though the mattress was plenty wide for them both to fit atop, the ceiling was rather low. Once standing on the bed, they both had to hunch over so they wouldn't hit their heads. Jumping on the bed turned more into slightly bouncing by bending their knees to barely be able to straighten them again. The movement was ridiculous enough that Laura started to giggle right away, hindering her ability to balance. 

Bouncing turned into taking awkward steps on the sinking mattress in an attempt to just stay upright. Laura's lack of balance meant she was basically pulling at Carmilla until they were both just taking awkward hunched over steps on the mattress trying not to fall over. 

"This isn't really what I imagined happening." Carmilla chuckled as she sidestepped, sticking her hand out to press against the wall in an attempt to help her balance. 

Laura laughed just as she stepped on a pillow, losing her footing and letting herself fall down onto the mattress. "Yeah, not exactly the fun bed jumping of dreams you see in movie montages."

With Laura no longer fumbling around, balance was a lot easier to have. "We could always switch to underwear clad pillow fights?"

Laura tried not to smile at the teasing look on Carmilla's face but the flirting that once annoyed her, only gave her butterflies now. 

"Ha ha, very funny." Laura rolled to the edge of the mattress before climbing off the bed. "We should probably get going though before they think I have diarrhea." 

"Well we can't have that." Carmilla chuckled as she hopped off the bed.

Muffled voices getting louder pulled both girls attention back down the short hallway that led to the door of the trailer. Laura's eyes were wide as she looked back at Carmilla, a silent expression of 'oh shit' written all over her face. Once again, Carmilla was the one to act, grabbing Laura's hand and pulling her down the hall. 

Before Laura knew what was happening, the bathroom door was open, Carmilla was shoving her inside then slamming the door again. Laura stumbled in the small space, tripping against the toilet, fumbling to get her balance only to grab onto the towel hanging loosely over a rack. The towel came flying off the rack in her hand as Laura fell back onto the toilet. There was a thump against the door and when Laura tried to push it back open with her foot as she reclined on the toilet, she realized the thump was Carmilla's body leaning against it to keep it closed. 

"Everything okay in here?"

Laura heard the mans voice and panicked for a second before realizing thanks to Carmilla, she was exactly where she was supposed to be. In the bathroom. Where as far as the man knew, she had been the whole time.

The whole 10 minutes. Who pees for 10 minutes?!

"Yeah."

Through the door Carmilla sounded completely calm, like they hadn't stolen a soda and just spent the last few minutes jumping on the bed of a man they didn't even know the name of. It didn't surprise Laura one bit she was good at this. She _had_ just convinced Laura to steal cookies from a gas station a little while ago. 

There was another softer thump against the door and Laura could imagine Carmilla leaned up against it, arms crossed, and now one foot lifted and pressed against it. 

"Maybe it's diarrhea or something?" Carmilla knew Laura could hear her and did her best not to laugh, imagining the scrunched up face she was no doubt making at the comment. 

"Oh. I see." 

Laura could hear the sheer discomfort in the mans voice at the statement and immediately flushed the toilet. She pushed hard against the door, making Carmilla stumble away from it before squeezing herself out of the bathroom despite the door only opening halfway, the edge pressed against Carmilla, pinning her against the opposite wall in the small hallway. 

"All done." She was half smiling, half glaring as she shoved her way out, the bathroom door clattering shut behind her. 

"Forgetting something?" Carmilla was smiling mischievously at her. When Laura looked at her with eyebrows raised, she lifted her hands in what looked suspiciously close to spirit fingers, "wash your hands?"

Laura was fuming now. She clenched her jaw and glared at Carmilla, "I'll use hand sanitizer. Let's go."

"It's estimated that washing hands with soap and water could reduce diarrheal disease associated deaths by up to 50%."

Laura glared harder. The man looked horrified and actually took a step back towards the door as he glanced at Laura's hands. 

"80% of communicable diseases are transferred by touch." Carmilla continued with a faux concerned expression. 

"You're making that up-" Laura shook her head in disbelief, "and I didn't even have diarrhea-"  she looked at the man with what she hoped was a reassuring expression, "I didn't have diarrhea."

The man tried to nod like he believed her, but he took another step back and his face said he wasn't convinced in the slightest.

Carmilla laughed and made her way to the door, hopping down the steps and turning around to face the door.

Laura followed her down, turning back to the man as soon as she was on the ground, "thanks again."

Carmilla chuckled as Laura grabbed her arm harshly and started pulling her back to the car. Before she was too far from the trailer Carmilla turned around and yelled over her shoulder, "I'd wipe everything down with a Clorox wipe just to be safe."

"Carmilla!" Laura looked her, trying her hardest not to look amused. Despite the sheer embarrassment on her part, the look on the mans face was pretty funny. 

Carmilla laughed as Laura pushed her towards the car. Laf was leaning against the drivers door waiting and just raised an eyebrow in question. 

"Don't ask." Laura mumbled as she climbed in the car and crossed her arms, pointedly looking away from Carmilla.

She had planned on ignoring Carmilla for a while as they drove as payback, but before the car even pulled back into the highway she snuck a glance at the girl sitting next to her. She looked so smug, Laura couldn't help herself. 

"You know, they say a road trip will help you find out if you really like someone." She waited for Carmilla to look over at her and did her best to keep a stern expression on her face, "I can honestly say, I know without a doubt, I do not like you."

Carmilla's smile softened, no longer teasing or smug or the slightest bit guarded. "That's not true." She didn't wait for a response and just turned to look out the window as the car sped up. 

Laura could see her reflection in the window, sharp edges softened, slightly guarded eyes more gentle, her usual hidden smile now obvious.

Carmilla was right. 

It wasn't even slightly true. She did like Carmilla. More than she was prepared to admit. 

——

Carmilla was actually speechless. Whatever air of coolness she still had at this point was dangerously close to being lost as she stared at the building in front of her. 

It was wider than it was tall, covered in reflective windows except for right in the center. A large pillar made of smooth brick, standing as a tall cylinder. Off to the side of the cylinder, a pair of double doors with large letters above it: Planetarium. 

All Carmilla could think was how excited Laura had been about her idea to come here, but now Laura seemed to be only paying attention to Carmilla's reaction. 

"This is amazing!" Laf was the first to actually voice their excitement. "You know I love this stuff- did you pick this stop just for me?!"

Laf grabbed Laura in a tight side hug, which took her completely by surprise since she was too busy watching the smile on Carmilla's face grow. 

"Um, well.." Laura tried to speak despite the crushing hug she was in. "Actually..." She trailed off, keeping her eyes on Carmilla, hoping she knew the choice to come here had actually been for her. 

Laf let go, clapping their hand on Laura's shoulder, "You know, right around hour 4 of driving, I was doubting your decision but now," they nodded approvingly, "I'm glad I didn't protest."

Carmilla finally looked away from the building over to Laf and Laura, giving Laura a half smile, "me too."

Inside the building was a dream for space nerds. The entire ceiling was covered in hanging solar systems. All different sizes and made from different materials. There were rocket ships strung up- one was even hooked to a track that made it fly around the room. 

There were shelves of all things space related: Telescopes, plush aliens and astronauts, games, puzzles, books. 

Laura led them over to the desk just inside the entrance and a kid no older than 16 wearing a oversized headset greeted them with a smile that was mostly braces. 

"Welcome to the planetarium!" He stood up straighter, "will you be getting tickets for any of our shows today?"

"Shows?!" Laf asked excitedly. 

"Oh yes," the kid grinned excitedly. This was either his first job or he really loved space. Probably both. "We have our look into the solar system, Constellations and their stories, the Mars Exploration, one that's more geared towards kids--"

"No kids." Carmilla said absentmindedly, her gaze still flitting around the room. 

Laura glanced at her and immediately knew her choice to come here had been a good one. Carmilla looked like she was stuck between trying to act indifferent and letting herself be as excited as she really wanted to be. 

It had become fairly obvious to Laura that Carmilla had a thing for stars. Anytime they were visible she was looking at them with a wistful expression. 

Before Carmilla knew it, a ticket was being handed to her and they were all walking further into the large building. She had absolutely no idea where to start. Space. Space was everywhere. 

Pretty quickly they all realized the area they were standing in was mostly souvenirs and merchandise. There were kids everywhere, adults scattered about looking exhausted and like they were seriously considering leaving without their children. Carmilla didn't blame them. 

As soon as she spotted the staircase leading to the second level of the building she was there. It was the right move. The higher she got the closer she got to the solar systems hanging from the ceiling. Some circling around the sun, others just hanging with no movement. Star shaped lights scattered around them all making it seem like a dozen solar systems existing in one giant sky. 

As soon as she reached the top of the stairs there was a large hall with multiple screens lining the walls. Each screen had a planet in the center of it and a podium centered in front of it. Carmilla walked over to the first one and placed her hand on the glowing ball on top of the podium. It was all a little too sci-fi for her taste, but it was still space, so she wasn't going to complain. Yet.  

The screen behind the planet lit up an a deep voice started spouting facts about Venus. 

Then the same voice started talking over itself with facts about Jupiter. Then Neptune. 

Carmilla glanced down the line of screens and both Laura and Laf had a hand on their own glowing orb. It seemed a little counter productive to be getting overlapping facts that she couldn't even understand through the multiple speakers. So Carmilla pulled her hand back and walked over to Laura who seemed to be listening intently about Jupiter. 

"Anything interesting?"

"Honestly?" Laura was spacing out staring at the screen, "I'm too distracted by the fact that the voice sounds like the price is right announcer to pay attention." She chuckled and pulled her hand back and nodded down the hall. "Want to go walk on the moon?"

Carmilla shrugged, "we came all this way. It would be dumb not to."

As they started walking down the hall together, Carmilla bumped her shoulder into Laura's before flashing her a smile and suddenly for Laura, it felt like a date. 

Laura knew it wasn't. But it felt like it was. Or maybe like it could be. The feeling wasn't even the shy nervousness of a first date, but the butterflies and giddiness of a third or fourth date. When you know the other person likes you because if they didn't they wouldn't have asked you out a third or fourth time. When it's completely comfortable to reach out and touch the other person without an actual reason other than our wanted to. When you aren't stealing glances anymore but just looking at them because you've accepted the fact that they are beautiful and don't want to miss the chance to just look at them. When you can have an entire conversation with facial expressions and different kinds of laughs. 

And even though Laf and Perry weren't far behind, to Laura it felt like her and Carmilla were in their own little world. 

"Check it out!" Laf belted as they hopped onto the 'moon'.

The ground was lifted and made to resemble the shape and color of the moon. Laura had no idea what kind of texture it was, but figured they tried to match that too. There were small craters and rocks scattered about with a backdrop of stars. 

Laf was doing their best impression of an astronaut as they walked across it. Huge slow steps like they were actually floating in space. Perry was giggling at the movements and sounds Laf was creating. Carmilla seemed a little less pleased, maybe like she had been enjoying the separate world her and Laura were sharing momentarily too.

"Would you like your picture taken?" An elderly woman was standing at the edge of the moon with space suit on, holding a camera. 

"Sure!" Laura beamed and grabbed Carmilla's hand, pulling her onto the moon. 

"Seriously?" Carmilla grumbled as she avoided tripping on a moon rock. 

"You said it would be stupid not to." Laura grinned an started moving like Laf. Wide and slow steps, arms moving like they were floating. 

"You realize it's a picture." Carmilla scoffed, "it won't know you're fake floating."

"I'll knnooowww" Laura spoke as slowly as she was walking. 

"Also." Carmilla couldn't help but smile, "the lack of gravity doesn't make your speech slow down."

Laura dropped her hands and stomped the foot that had been hanging in the air down and glared at Carmilla. 

That was the moment the woman decided to take the picture. 

The picture was priceless. Laf and Perry both actually were able to give off the impression they were floating slightly. Laura however, was the angriest astronaut in history. Carmilla was mid laugh. 

After that they made their way around to the different educational stations. Black holes, Gravity, the sun, there was more than enough to keep them busy. Laf just about had a heart attack when they found out they could control their own rover and simulate it traveling across Mars. Spoiler alert.. They got kicked out for starting mars robot wars. It was lucky they all didn't get kicked out of the planetarium after that.

It didn't take long for Carmilla to drop the cool act and just enjoy the planetarium. That is, except for the time she was forced to take a picture with her face sticking through the cut out hole in an astronauts head. Silver lining, Lauras face was the alien in the photo.

"Should we go get in our seats?" Perry looked like she just wanted to sit down. No doubt she was still smiling and keeping up with Laf as they ran from one station to the next, excited to play with whatever gadget possible. "I'd hate to miss the show."

Laf was too busy trying to shove their hand into a replica of a space suit glove to even listen. And Carmilla was busy staring at a screen with asteroids, using her hand on the podium with a glowing orb to shift the view point.  All around, the stop was clearly a hit. 

"Yeah, let's find the theater." Laura chuckled and reached for Carmilla's hand to pull her along. The date feeling came back full force. She was pulling Carmilla towards the theater but Carmilla wasn't doing a thing to try and get her hand back. Which honestly, Laura would have been more than happy about if her palms weren't sweating so much because of it. She quickly took the opportunity to let go herself in order to grab her ticket just as they got to the dome theater. 

\--

"Think they sell popcorn?" Laf shifted, a loud squeaking sound erupting from their leather seat. "Or maybe licorice?"

Perry sighed, "I didn't see any."

Laura rolled her head to the right to look at the pair of red heads before rolling back to stare up at the black ceiling. The room was slowly filling with people, all the reclining seats set up in rows in a circle, the ceiling of the dome shaped room set to be the screen for the show. Laura never liked these kinds of theaters. No matter how much the chairs reclined, it was never quite enough and you still had to strain your neck to see everything. She chuckled to herself when Perry pulled a granola bar from her purse to placate Lafs apparent need for a snack, before glancing at Carmilla quickly to see if she found it just as amusing.

Carmilla was being quiet. Not her usual, I'm too cool to participate quiet, but a tension filled, glare on face, grinding teeth and seething sort of quiet. 

"Everything ok?" Laura asked quietly, looking back up at the ceiling. 

"Fine." Was grumbled through gritted teeth.

Obviously a lie. 

"Because if it wasn't, you could just tell me." She still didn't look over. Mostly because she was afraid Carmilla was glaring at her and somewhere between holding hands and sitting down she had done something very wrong. 

"I said I was fine."

This time the words came out like they would had she been on something rolling over bumps. Finally looking over, Laura caught the sight of Carmilla's seat bouncing forward abruptly a couple times, her hands gripping the arm rest tighter and her glare deepening. A quick glance behind her and Laura spotted the issue. A little blonde kid kicking the back of Carmilla's seat. 

Another kick shot Carmilla forward and she was up on her feet and leaning over the seat into the kids space before Laura knew what was happening. 

"Listen you little twerp-"

"Carm!" Laura stood up, hand on Carmilla's shoulder as she scanned the row behind them. Luckily there weren't an parents present to be appalled at Carmilla's behavior towards this kid.

Carmilla didn't falter. "Kick my seat again and your insides will be on the outside."

The scariest part about it was how calm she sounded when she said it. Laura just looked at her wide eyed before looking down at the kid. His eyes were wider than Laura's and his bottom lip was actually quivering. 

"Oookay." Laura pulled on Carmilla's shoulder, turning her around and pushing her back into the seat. "Not a fan of kids, then?"

Carmilla dropped down into her seat, still clenching her jaw. "That obvious?"

"Just a little." Laura chuckled nervously. 

That little fact was going to make the next few days especially interesting. They were headed to her Grans next and it wasn't just her making the stop. It would be aunts, uncles, cousins... Of all ages. That's something she should probably warn Carmilla about. The age thing. And maybe also the fact that she was about to meet Laura's entire family. And Danny.

There really was no way around it. This trip included the stop at Grans. Grans included family. And Carmilla had stuck around this far, she wouldn't bail because of a few days with a few kids. Would she? Maybe she should ask, just to be safe.

“Hey, Carm?” Laura pulled in a breath, ready to speed talk her way through the explanation of the family get together Carmilla was about to be shoved into, but didn't actually have the chance.

The lights started to dim and tiny specks of light started to move around on the dome ceiling. Music started to filter through the speakers around the room, starting soft at first and growing louder as the room got darker. Laura looked over to catch the sight of a smile on Carmilla’s face in the last moments of dim light.

Then it happened again. Carmilla bounced forward with her seat and immediately blew out a loud, annoyed huff.  If this was a cartoon, fire would be coming out of her ears. And eyes. Laura was sure of it. This time though, Laura acted faster that Carmilla.

It was a miracle she didn't trip with the lights almost completely dim, but by some shred of luck they stayed on long enough for her to grab Carmilla’s hand and yank her into the isle and away from the possible homicide Carmilla had been plotting since they sat down.

“L!” Laf whispered as soon as they noticed Laura and Carmilla step out into the isle, “its about to start, where are you going?”

“Uh, just, just over there-“ She wasn't pointing. She actually wasn't sure where _there_ was. The room was now pitch black except for the growing number of stars starting to coat the ceiling and walls.

“Seriously cupcake, where are we going?” 

Laura smiled and kept a hold of Carmilla’s hand as she took slow steps waiting for her eyes to adjust. Carmilla hadn't sounded angry, or annoyed. No longer the seething, jaw clenching, fire from her ears tension. Everything about her was soft now. Her voice, her hand, the way her fingers found their way to the spaces between Laura’s. It was perfect.

Then she tripped. Because she's Laura.

Carmilla’s hand was firmly in Laura’s even when she found herself on the ground and being shushed by others in the theater. Thankfully both the shushing from others and the giggling from Laura were drowned out by the booming voice coming through the speaker. 

_"Space... A mystery to even those that have dedicated their lives searching for answers....Constellations placed in the sky by Greek Gods..."_

"Was this the plan?" Carmilla chuckled quietly, shifting on the floor, "get me away from the kid and force me to sit on the floor."

Laura giggled and rolled towards Carmilla as they both awkwardly tried to situate themselves quietly in the dark.

"Not exactly." She sighed and laid down on her back. "But it works." She reached out for Carmilla's arm and tugged her back down to lay next to her on the floor.

It actually worked out perfectly. Laura had tripped just as they reached the end of the isle, making them tumble into the center of the room. With the chairs lining the dome theater in a circle, that left the center completely empty. And now she could just enjoy the show without the uncomfortable craning of her neck.

Up to this point the show had consisted of a narrator with a very low voice giving the introduction to what was to come. Planets flew by on the screen, along with random clusters of stars and nebulas. 

Then suddenly the room went black and silent. 

A quiet gasp was audible when there was light again. Millions of tiny pinpricks of light started to find their way onto the ceiling, illuminated in a way that made it seem like you were flying through space, passing them at impossible speeds. 

Carmilla rolled her head to the side at the quiet sound that came from the girl next to her and smiled. The starlight projected around the room made Laura's eyes shine and everything about her was practically glowing in the soft silver light. 

Stars were beautiful, but Laura...

"I get why you're always looking for them."

"What?" Carmilla had been too lost in the sight of her to hear what she said. 

"The stars." Laura looked over with a smile. "You look for them. When it's dark."

Carmilla's eyebrows twitched together slightly. 

"I notice things." Laura whispered before looking back up at the ceiling. "The sunrise hike, whenever you're not busy drowning yourself in swimming pools.."

Sure, she had noticed Carmilla looking for stars a couple times. But she had completely missed the way Carmilla's smile softened when it was aimed towards Laura, or how she shoved her hands in her pockets to keep herself from taking Laura's hand in hers. Or the way her heart seemed to sing when Laura smiled at her. Or the way Carmilla had to force herself to look back up at the star covered room instead of just watching Laura's expression change with the stars swirling around them. 

Laura tried her hardest to just watch the presentation being projected around the room. It was actually pretty cool. It started out with facts about the planets, then shifted to stories of constellations. That's when it got harder to pay attention. Because laying on the floor next to her, Carmilla would whisper the names of the constellations before the narrator had the chance. 

_"Andromeda.... Ares.... Draco..."_

At first Laura just listened for the whisper of names, Carmilla's voice low and raspy, just loud enough for the two of them to hear. Then she heard the inflection shift with one of the names and couldn't help but glance over.

" _Virgo_...  _The constellation Virgo is often said to personify Persephone, the daughter of Demeter, the harvest goddess. According to the famous Greek myth, eternal spring once reigned upon the Earth, until that fateful day when the god of the underworld, Hades, abducted Persephone, the radiant maiden of spring.”_

Carmilla was rolling her eyes and scoffed. When she noticed Laura looking at her she turned to face her, scooting a little closer on the floor and whispering just loud enough for her to hear. "He wasn't that bad."

Laura just gave her an amused expression and scooted towards her more, closing the small space that had been left between them. Their arms were resting on the ground between their bodies but pressed against each other. Carmilla swallowed heavily, feeling the hair on her arms start to stand on end with the close proximity. 

With her own dramatic tone and everything, Carmilla decided to tell Laura the myth herself. "Persephone's mother Demeter was so overcome with grief over the loss of her only child to Hades, that she abandoned her role as the goddess of fruitfulness and fertility, vowing the Earth would not bear fruit again until she was reunited with her daughter.

"Humanity would have died altogether had Zeus not intervened. Zeus insisted that the god of the underworld return Persephone back to Demeter, but also proclaimed that Persephone abstain from food until her return. Hades purposely gave Persephone a pomegranate, knowing she would suck on a pomegranate seed on her way home.

"Persephone was given back to her mother, but because of the pomegranate – had to return to the underworld for four months every year. To this day, spring returns to the Northern Hemisphere when Persephone is reunited with Demeter, but the winter season reigns when Persephone dwells in the underworld. That’s why it’s spring when the constellation Virgo is above the horizon at early evening but why it’s winter when she’s not.”

Although her tone was slightly mocking the dramatics of the story, Carmilla had gone further into detail than the narrator. The show being projected had already moved on to another constellation and dramatic tale of how it came to be. Laura didn't care, Carmilla's narration was way better. Carmilla was much more interesting than anything else happening around them. If the story of Persephone was the only thing she heard that day, Laura would be okay with it. 

"What did you mean by he wasn't that bad?" Laura's eyes flickered across Carmilla's face. Lit by starlight and shaded by darkness.

She was all sharp edges, dark lips and pale skin. But her eyes betrayed the harshness the rest of her gave off. They were bright and kind and searching in a way Laura had only ever seen when she had caught Carmilla looking for the stars. Only now, they looked at nothing but Laura. Even with the galaxy surrounding them, close enough to touch. 

"Hades." Carmilla hoped Laura hadn't heard the slight break in her voice. Her throat feeling thick and mouth dry. "Everyone paints him as a villain. Which, isn't fair.”

Laura smiled, a hint of nervousness on her face as her eyes struggled to find a place to focus. Dark lips, soft eyes, pale skin that shone despite the dark room. "Why am I not surprised you like the bad guy of the story?”

Carmilla chuckled, and rolled to her side, resting her head in her hand. "Like I said, he wasn't the bad guy. He just drew the short stick. Literally.”

Laura made a questioning face but chose not to speak. With Carmilla slightly above her, she stars shine behind her like she was part of the sky. Stars swirling in the background as the show continued on, a view of the sky that was unimaginable and unmatched, except for the beauty held in the girl laying next to her. 

"I'd explain, but we would miss the rest of the show." Carmilla smiled and went to lay back down. 

"That's fine." Laura said it before she really even thought about it, realizing after the fact how it probably sounded. "I mean, yeah, you probably want to watch the rest of, of this.." She raised her arm and swirled her hand around towards the stars shifting above them. 

"Really?" Carmilla looked at her skeptically. She figured it wasn't like a regular movie. They wouldn't miss any plot points if she told her a quick story. The narrator was pretty much saying everything you'd expect him to. Constellations, millions of miles away, black holes, planets, blah blah blah...

Laura just nodded. It wasn't a date. It wasn't. There were a bunch of other people in the room, Laf and Perry were just a few rows away, and it was clearly a group activity. A pit stop. _Obviously_. 

Yet. They were laying on the floor together, staring up at the stars, fake stars, but still. Carmilla was whispering, talking more than Laura had ever heard her talk at one time, and completely engrossed in some old greek myth.

“Everyone thinks its this big tragic story- kidnapped, held captive, blah, blah.”

“It wasnt?”

“Well, kidnapped, yes. Captive?” Carmilla shook her head, “Hades may have taken her to the underworld, which by the way, he was stuck with when he and his brothers drew straws for who would get the heavens, the sea or the underworld. He didn't _choose_ it. Anyway, when Persephone got there, Hades basically offered her the chance to rule with him, instead of treating her as property like most Gods treated their wives. Remember the pomegranate?”

“That he gave her so she would have to come back?” Laura rolled towards Carmilla, completely tuning out the show happening around them, completely captivated by the quiet excitement in Carmilla’s voice.

“Right, except Persephone is no idiot. And she was a Goddess, which means she wouldn't need food for survival. Its said they didn't even feel hunger or thirst as Gods. She _chose_ to eat the seeds knowing what it would mean. She became a Queen and ruled the underworld _with_ Hades.”

“What about the spring and winter stuff? Going back to visit her mother and all that?”

“She was a young girl that had been taken with no warning. Her mother freaked out a little, and of course she would want to visit her mother.” Carmilla expression was one of wonder, “And she does, giving the world it's springtime and warming the earth for summer, then going to the underworld to rule with Hades, who she believed to be a good match for her, and letting winter coat the earth.”

“Who knew you were such a romantic,” Laura rolled her eyes with a smile, “when talking about the land of the dead.”

Carmilla chuckled and looked back up at the constellations being drawn out across the ceiling. It could be considered romantic. Her favorite stories were those that had things you wouldn't expect.  “Winter lingers longer, its frosty mornings and bitter nights. Until spring must come, and she leaves with slow steps. The smell of flowers mixed with snow, delaying the arrival of spring for just another moment in the underworld. She was giver of life, of beauty, above the ground. He was the keeper of souls underneath. She wore a crown of roses, stained red as the seeds from the pomegranates grown by the God of the underworld. Her presence causing his chest to bloom with roses to match."

Okay, it wasn't a date, but Carmilla made it really hard to remember that.  Didn't stop Laura from pretending it was. 

Just to see what it would feel like. Research. Totally harmless. 

——

Laura watched the numbers climb steadily, distracted only by the feel of goosebumps on her arm. She rubbed her hand up and down her forearm across the space that had tested against Carmilla's for most of the light show. It hadn't stopped tingling. The stop had gone better than she imagined. Way better. 

There wasn't a single fight. Everyone actually wanted to stay longer than anticipated, and everyone was still smiling when they left. Not to mention the near hand holding and ridiculously romantic star gazing. As long as she didn't count the murder threat to a small child, it was practically a perfect afternoon. 

Even better, since the star show, Carmilla had never been too far from Laura's side. Laura had no clue if it was on purpose or not, but she honestly didn't care. 

So as Laura watched the price of gas go higher, Carmilla sat on the trunk of the car not far away, eating a candy bar and bouncing her feet against the bumper. Laura wasn't an idiot, she knew 5 days ago the action would have been infuriating. Annoying beyond belief. But now? Somehow it was cute. Which hadn't been a word Laura thought she would associate with Carmilla. 

Gorgeous, breathtaking, infuriating? Yes. Cute? Never. 

"So what else is on the agenda?" Carmilla took another bite of candy bar, "rodeo? Cattle drive?"

"What are you talking about?" Laura chuckled, hopping up next to her.

"We are in Texas." Carmilla shrugged. "Aren't those Texas-ish things?"

"That's incredibly statist." Laura slapped Carmilla's leg with a smile. 

"Statist?" Carmilla grinned, "I'm pretty sure that's not a thing."

Laura just laughed and snatched the candy bar from Carmilla's hand and took a bite before she could stop her. "What?" She shrugged, talking around a mouthful of chocolate, "I did steal it."

Laf and Perry shared a look. Despite Laura and Carmilla being completely oblivious to their presence since the star show, the pair had been subject to watching their lame attempts at flirting. It was obvious they liked each other, yet, it seemed the two involved were oblivious to the other parties feelings. 

"Idiots." Laf shook their head. 

Perry immediately slapped their arm, "be nice." She pursed her lips together and gave Laf a serious look before looking back at the pair sitting on the trunk. _Idiots_. At least she had the decency not to say it out loud. 

She cleared her throat extra loud as she stepped towards the back of the car, "alright." She clapped her hands together like it signified the beginning of a group meeting. "Since we drove a little further south than originally planned and stayed at the planetarium for quite a while, it looks like the remainder of the evening we will need to spend driving if we are going to make it to Grans on time tomorrow."

Laura's eyes went wide. _Grans_. She had totally forgot. Somewhere between looking at the stars and Carmilla telling her the oddly romantic story involving the god of the underworld, she had completely forgotten to prep Carmilla for Grans and what that would mean. 

"What's a Grans?" Carmilla asked flatly, stealing the candy bar back from Laura. 

Perry looked over at Laf then over to Laura like she didn't understand why Carmilla was asking that question. 

"You didn't tell her?" Laf asked, clearly more amused than Perry. 

"Tell me what?" Carmilla slid off the car and stepped towards the trash an to throw away the candy wrapper. 

"Well.." Laura's eyebrows came together.

Laf rolled their eyes, moving to take the gas nozzle out of the car, "Grans is Laura's grandmas. The ranch." Their eyebrows raised like they were waiting for Carmilla to understand. "I know for a fact we've mentioned it."

"You think I listen when you talk?" Carmilla scoffed, more friendly that dismissive. 

"It's my grandparents, uh, anniversary." Laura interjected, "they are having a party."

Carmilla just looked at her. She didn't understand why everyone was making a big deal about it. So it was her grandma, so what?  "Okay." She looked around again to see if anyone was going to say anything else. When she was met with silence she shook her head and walked towards the drivers seat. "I'll drive."

The amount of confusion and relief on the faces of the remaining three were impressive, even for them. It wasn't until Carmilla honked the horn that they moved to get in the car to go. 

"Did I miss something?" Laura asked, her hand on the door handle. 

"I wouldn't be surprised if you did." Laf opened the door for Perry, "with all the flirting going on you would probably miss a giant fish God demanding sacrifices."

"Flirting?" Laura spat out, eyes wide, "there is no flirting."

Laf rolled their eyes and scooted in after Perry, "Giant fish god went unnoticed. Shocking."

Laura had been fine with accepting the massive crush she had on Carmilla, but she had never considered how obvious it might be to other people. Laf’s comment made her worry Carmilla knew— until she realized Laf hadn't specified _who_ was doing the flirting. Was it actually possible that Carmilla— mysterious, beautiful and smart Carmilla, was flirting with Laura? Awkward, nerdy Laura?

Nah.

—

After hours on the highway all the turn offs stared to look the same. The radio playing low, not loud enough to decipher lyrics or even a tune. Fading in and out, music and static. The neon lights filtering from passing towns blurring into one long headache. The sun had fallen below the horizon a while ago and she knew eventually she would have to stop somewhere to sleep.  The car had grown quieter the longer they drove. Sing alongs shifting to quiet conversations, then to silent eyes watching out windows. As darkness fell so did eyelids. Sleeping passengers leaving Carmilla to the silent thoughts in her head. 

Silent thoughts? Not quite.

Screaming. Her heart and head were screaming. 

Carmilla had always put off the impression that feeling was overrated. Being let down, made it obvious it was better not to feel, or just not admit that she felt. It always took more time than others wanted to allow for her to actually open herself up to it. Yet, in a matter of days, she had felt more than she could explain for a girl she had only just met.

A few miles later she reached it. Another one of many roadside motels. It was becoming too familiar. The flickering lights, litter covered parking lots, eery glow from pathway lampposts. As much as she was enjoying living a life that was so opposite of her own during this journey, she couldn't imagine this being her life for good. She had never felt homesick before, maybe that was because of the lack of somewhere that felt like home. It wasn't something she would want to admit, but she wanted the chance to have that. A home. The chance to feel homesick. 

A sigh accompanied the turn of the key as she shut off the engine and sank back into her seat. Without the task of driving, she realized how tired she actually was. A quick glance in the mirror told her Laf and Perry were still sleeping soundly in the back seat, then a much slower look to the passenger seat told her the same for Laura. 

To her credit, Laura had tried to stay awake in solidarity with Carmilla. 'To help you stay awake' she had said through a yawn. She lasted about 15 minutes after that statement before she was slumped in her own seat with closed eyes. 

It seemed the silence Carmilla had hoped to escape by pulling off the highway followed her as she made her way to the office. Leaving everyone in the car, she chose to get a room on her own so she wouldn't have to wake them until it was time to move from the car to a bed. 

The clerk seemed bothered by Carmilla's arrival, her gaze cold and tired as she mumbled indecipherable words while reaching for a key hung on the wall. Carmilla ignored the man partially blocking her path back to the car. Slumped on the ground, empty bottle in hand and unlit cigarette hanging loosely from his lips.

Apparently no noise except the static in her own mind was messing with her. She felt like she was either in the beginnings of a horror film, or she was about to write a very melodramatic journal entry.

She didn't have a journal. 

"Alright, cupcake." Carmilla opened the passenger door before moving back towards the trunk. She grabbed Laura's bag and slung it over her shoulder before grabbing the strap of her own. She walked back to the passenger door and nodded towards the motel, "Let's get inside."

Laura nodded slowly, unbuckling then stretching before turning around in her seat and patting Perry's knee. "We're here guys."

Laf woke with a jolt, looking around with wide yet unfocused eyes, "where?"

Laura chuckled and moved to climb out of the car, "no idea. But there's a bed."

Thats all it took to get everyone moving. When they were looking at the bed however, movement stopped. 

_Cue the horror movie music._

The tv was already on when Carmilla swung the door open wide. Static ripped across the screen with a rumble of white noise to go with it. The end of the antenna was covered in tin foil, like it would help get a clear picture. Carmilla reached over and adjusted its angle as the others stepped into the room. 

White noise disappeared and the clear sound of moaning came through the speakers, the picture still all fuzz. 

"Porn." Carmilla nodded, "perfect."

"Eww." Laura laughed and hit Carmilla's hand away from the antenna, bringing it back to the rumble of white noise. 

Laf walked over to the bed and pushed down on the corner with their hand flat. The bed creaked and sank, and when Laf lifted their hand, the bed didn't bounce back up.

"Don't touch it." Perry whined, pulling Laf back by their arm. 

"How are we supposed to sleep if I'm not allowed to touch the bed?" 

It was a valid question. But Perry's concern was also valid. 

The comforter was an odd color. Most likely not even close to the color it was supposed to be. There were obvious stains which only made you worry about the less obvious ones. One of the legs holding up the bed was broken making the whole thing tilt and wobble.

“Why is there only one?” Laura asked looking around the room, still in her spot by the door.

It was almost like a contest. Who would lose and step further into the room first? Everyone was holding strong near the door. 

“Its a pullout.” Carmilla pointed to the couch under the dirty window.

It was in worse shape than the bed. The material on the back and arm rest was ripped and frayed. The cushions sunk, which didn't bode well for what it would look like when it was pulled out and made into a bed. The idea of what the mattress looked like made Laura cringe.

Laura tried to force a smile, the level of tired she was at was making it less than believable though, “Its not that bad. Its just one night, right?” 

She took a deep breath and took one for the team, walking further into the room. She ignored the food crumbs on the floor and the dirty glass left on the bedside table and made her way to the bathroom. The door creaked when she pushed it open. She couldn't help but frown at everything about it. The smell, the dripping faucet, how it somehow felt more humid than the rest of the motel room, the ripped shower curtain.

“Oh my gosh!” Laura hopped back out of the bathroom and shut the door, “Sorry to interrupt!”

Everyone else was still in their same spots. Laf at the edge of the bed, Perry right behind them and Carmilla next to the tv. They all looked over at Laura with concerned expressions.

“Interrupt?” Perry asked worriedly, “Is there someone else in our room?”

“Oh sure,” Laura shrugged casually, “Just the nice couple of cockroaches getting it on in the bath tub.”

“Nope.” Carmilla shook her head, pulling everyones attention back to her, “Not happening.” She stepped back towards the door and walked outside. “No way in hell.” 

Laura, Perry and Laf all ran out of the room to see where Carmilla was headed and just watched as she made her way down the path to the office.

“Get back in the car!” She yelled over her shoulder before she took hold of the office door and pulled it open abruptly and stepped inside.

Yeah, this place was definitely horror movie material. Titled something with the witty use of ‘bed bugs’ most likely. It’s not like they had been staying in places with five star ratings. Carmilla was pretty sure there weren't any stars involved in the places they had stopped so far. But still, this place was unbelievable. From what she had observed about Perry's personality, she was surprised the girl hadn't wrapped herself in plastic or had a hazmat suit just to walk into the room. Carmilla wasn't a particularly organized or clean person, but even she had a limit. 

Everyone was standing at the car when Carmilla came stomping out of the office. She was talking on her phone as she pulled the keys out of her pocket and opened the trunk. It took her all of 5 seconds to get everyones bags back in the trunk and usher them back into the car.

Laura had never seen her be so decisive and driven. Who knew all it took was cockroach sex?

“Where are we going?” Laura asked as soon as Carmilla hung up the phone.

“There a place 20 miles from here.” Carmilla shifted the car in gear and pulled out of the parking lot.

Laf groaned in the back seat, obviously tired and just wanting to go to sleep.

“Or I can leave you here and pick you up in the morning.” Carmilla deadpanned as she got back on the highway.

“We will be fine.” Perry reassured her. She was tired too, but no amount of bleach or cleaning wipes would make that last place suitable for her to actually sleep. Sensing Laf’s reluctance she leaned over and patted their thigh. “Its only 20 miles.

Tired sighs came in waves from all the passengers. It was creeping closer to midnight and the driving mixed with the days activities was enough to make everyone ready for a full night of sleep. It didn't take long before Laf started snoring in the back seat, easily falling back into the same position they were holding when they had first arrived at the motel from hell. Perry wasn't far behind, and once again, Laura was doing her best to stay awake while Carmilla drove to what would hopefully be a better place to stop for the night. 

“I can wake you up when we get there.” Carmilla looked over at Laura, catching her mid yawn.

“Its fine.” Laura smiled and shifted in her seat to face Carmilla, “I can stay awake for 20 miles.”

“Oh yeah?” Carmilla chuckled, seeing Laura was more tired than she was admitting.

Laura pulled her legs up on the seat, curling into a ball and facing Carmilla, "is there more to the story?"

"Story?" Carmilla didn't have to look over to know Laura's eyes were dangerously close to closing. 

"With Hades." Laura yawned again but was actually keeping her eyes open. Something she was proud of herself for. 

Carmilla glanced over with a grin, "you want to hear more about Hades and Persephone?"

Laura nodded, "it's interesting."

"Well.." Carmilla knew talking was helping keep her awake, and Laura seemed genuinely interested, so why not?  "Did you know he had a three headed dog?"

"Seriously?" 

Carmilla nodded, "a fearsome creature that sat at the gates and guarded the underworld."

Laura looked more awake now. 

Carmilla smirked, "His name was spot."

"No it was not." Laura laughed and reached across and squeezed Carmilla's arm. It was meant to be a slap, but somehow shifted due to tiredness.  

Carmilla laughed, looking over at Laura. 

Maybe it was the time of night or how tired they both were but their smiles seemed completely unguarded, the energy between them comfortable, easy.

"Technically," Carmilla looked back to the road, "his name was Cerberus. But strung through some Latin and Greek breakdowns and translations, it comes from the word Kerberos. Meaning 'spotted'."

Laura let out a breathy chuckle, "how do you even know that?"

Carmilla shrugged, "I read a lot."

"Alright, what else?" Laura was already blown away by what Carmilla knew. She knew the girl was smart, but it continually amazed her just how smart she was. 

"Hades whispered to his flowers to make them grow. He also grew fruit." Carmilla glanced over and nodded at Laura's skeptical look, "which is impressive given there's no sunlight in the underworld."

Laura was all giggles after that. Clearly exhausted and at the edge of sanity, but Carmilla didn't mind. Because somewhere during her laughter, Laura looped her arm through the one Carmilla was resting on the center console and rested her head on Carmilla's shoulder gently. 

What she felt was like catching lightning. She thought it to be impossible. Until the surge ran through her, lighting her up completely.

Carmilla didn't need the conversation to stay awake anymore. Laura leaning against her as she fought sleep was plenty to keep her alert. 20 miles later felt like no time at all and they were pulling into a place that was the polar opposite of where they had previously stopped. 

Despite being midnight, as soon as they pulled up, someone was waiting at the door to greet them. It wasn't a roadside motel like they had been using the whole trip. This was a hotel. With stars involved. Five of them. 

"We cannot stay here." Laura sat up and pulled her arm loose, gawking at the extremely large building. 

Carmilla tried not to frown, "Well we are."

The car came to a stop under a lit up awning where the man waiting to greet them was. He was awfully chipper for it being the middle of the night and immediately opened Laura's door and offered to help her out.  By the time Carmilla climbed out of her own seat there was someone else pulling bags from the trunk and loading them on a rolling rack. She tapped her knuckles on the window of the back seat to wake Laf and Perry before making her way towards the entrance. 

Laura wasn't as quick to walk inside, feeling extremely out of place and oddly underdressed. It made her feel better when Laf and Perry climbed out of the car with equally hesitant expressions. But then their bags were being rolled inside and the valet was driving the car away and they had no choice but to go in. 

The foyer was bigger than all the motel rooms they had stayed in so far combined. A large chandelier hung above the center of the room, there were marble floors and exquisite hard wood furniture. Flowers in tall vases sat atop the marble counter where Carmilla had been standing. 

As soon as the group got inside, the man behind the counter was handing Carmilla a keycard and gesturing towards the elevators off to the right. 

"I know for a fact we didn't budget for a place like this." Laura whispered as Carmilla made her way back over towards them.  

"Everything is set, our bags are already in the room, we just need to follow the guy in the stupid hat." Without thinking Carmilla reached out and pressed her hand into the small of Laura's back, leading her towards the elevator. 

Laura laughed when she saw the man waiting for them. He _was_ wearing a stupid hat. It was part of the uniform, but still, it looked stupid. She stopped short of the elevator and turned to face Carmilla. 

"We really can't stay here." She waited for an argument but only got an eye roll. "We can't afford this. I probably can't even afford to use the bathroom here."

Perry and Laf huddled close to listen in. They were ready to go to bed, but they shared Laura's concern. There's a reason they had been staying in cheap motels this whole time. 

"It's fine." Carmilla tried to push them towards the elevator but was unsuccessful. "Seriously. If I have I sleep in scratchy sheets and listen to a dripping faucet one more night I might murder someone."

Perry gulped, "it must be expensive-"

"I know a guy." Carmilla cut her off with an annoyed sigh. 

"In the _'if you need someone murdered_ ' I know a guy way, or the ' _my uncle is in management and can get us a sweet discoun_ t' I know a guy way?" Laura asked, her voice an octave higher than normal. Perry had asked if Carmilla was a murderer when they started the trip. Somehow, this question seemed like a good one too.

Carmilla blinked a few times. "Yes." After that she pushed Laf towards the elevator and grabbed Laura's hand, pulling her along behind her. She handed the keycard to the man in the stupid hat as she stepped inside.

"Wait." Laura stumbled into the elevator last, "yes to murder or uncle?"

Carmilla smirked as the doors started to close, but stayed silent. 

"Carm?" Laura whispered, "which is it?"

"Which answer would you rather I give you?"

Laura's jaw dropped, worry in her eyes, but she was cut off from talking by the man in the stupid hat as the doors slid shut and they started going up. 

"To the Penthouse suite, then."

——

"Sweeeet." Laf nodded in approval, pushing their way out of the elevator as it landed on their floor, opening directly into their own private suite. 

Carmilla glanced at the man next to her and together they shared an eye roll that made her laugh. It was nice to have someone else that didn't enjoy the constant excitement and happiness that seemed to ooze from the group.

"Someone will be up momentarily as per your request." He tipped his stupid hat towards Carmilla and waited for everyone to leave the elevator before letting the doors close. 

Laura and Perry stayed just inside the room, looking around much like they had at the last place they stopped. Only this time, it was with smiles instead of looks of horror. 

"Where are the beds?" Perry asked, eyeing the room. 

The place was huge. Three long couches making a U shape in the center of the room, off to one side of the room a fully stocked bar, the other side had a large cabinet with a huge flat screen tv that could be angled to be seen from anywhere in the room. Beyond the couches there was a large desk, a couple of smaller chairs around a coffee table and a pair of double doors that led out onto a small balcony. 

Laf was already lounging across one of the couches, spread out to cover as much space as possible. "Who needs beds with couches like this?" They bounced slightly, kicking their shoes off and sinking further into the cushions, "this thing is bigger than our car!"

It was clear that although these kinds of amenities weren't foreign to Carmilla, it was a brand new experience for the rest of them. 

"The beds are in the bedrooms." Carmilla said flatly. She was tired, and not entirely prepared for the amount of awe that was happening over a hotel room. 

"Bedrooms?!" Laura exclaimed with wide eyes, "you mean there's more?!"

Carmilla nodded and pointed to the doors on either side of the room. There were two sleeping areas off of the main siting area of the suite, one on the left, one on the right.

Laura practically sprinted towards one of the doors while Laf awkwardly rolled off the couch and nearly tumbled towards the other. Perry was fast to follow Lafontaine, disappearing through the door just as Laura yelled from across the suite—

“Theres chocolate on my pillow!”

“Us too!”

Carmilla chuckled. Tired or not, their excitement over chocolates on the pillows was entertaining. Then the elevator chimed, announcing its arrival and the doors started to open. 

Laura stuck her head through the bedroom doorway, “Who’s that?”

“Room service.” Carmilla winked before turning towards the elevator.

If Laura thought a chocolate on her pillow was exciting, she was about to have a heart attack over the wonder that was room service. In rolled a cart with a handful of plates on it. Carmilla handed the guy some cash before he disappeared, leaving the food behind.

“When did you have time to order—“ Laura gasped, “Fries?!”

Yep, heart attack.

Carmilla had the foresight to ask them to bring up some food. They had snacked so much at the planetarium, no one wanted to stop for dinner, then everyone fell asleep before they had the chance to eat. She told them to bring up whatever was easy for the kitchen, knowing it was midnight and not wanting to be annoying. Except, she specifically asked for french fries and some cookies. The look on Laura’s face was priceless.

It was mostly random snacks, cut fruit and vegetables, a plate of cookies and french fries, but everyone seemed pleased with it. Laf was practically falling asleep as they tried to finish the last cookie, which cued Perry to urge them to just go to bed. Laf nearly begged to stay up because they wanted to test out the other couches. Laura was the first to disappear in to one of the bedrooms, yelling again about the chocolate on the pillow. Apparently it was delicious. 

Carmilla sighed and took tired steps towards the double doors that led to the balcony. She figured everyone would take a few minutes to stop freaking out about their accommodations before they were ready to go to sleep and didn't really want to be in the middle of it. So she waited on the balcony, a light breeze in the midnight air, a nearly full moon and sky littered with stars. They weren't as bright as the fake ones from earlier that day, but they would do.

“Coming to bed?” Laura was standing in the doorway and blushed when she realized how that sounded. “I mean, going to bed, you know, to sleep. Bed time and all that..”

Carmilla turned around and chuckled, “I think you need some sleep.”

“Yeah, well..” Laura walked out onto the balcony and leaned against the railing with a tired sigh.

Carmilla was quick to match her stance, forearms on the railing and shoulder pressed gently in to Laura’s. There was more than enough room on the balcony for them not to have to stand so close, but just like earlier, being close was becoming their thing. 

A few minutes passed before Laura spoke up. “Have you thought more about what you’re doing when you get to California?”

The questions threw Carmilla for a loop. It was a complete 180 from conversations that had taken place that day. She had actually managed to push the looming question from her mind, forgetting her last conversation with Mattie, everything with her mother, and the fact that she had absolutely no idea what she was doing once she got to California.

When Carmilla didn't answer, Laura took that as a sign to keep talking, “Cause I was thinking. If you’re there, and I’m there, then maybe we could you know.. be there, together?”

Carmilla realized letting herself forget about it all was a bad idea. She had just had one of the best days she could remember in a long time, with a girl that was magic, and even though she hated it, she knew it couldn't last. She was playing hooky and it was only a matter of time before she had to get back to real life. Honestly, she was surprised the escape had lasted this long.

Once again, no response set off Laura’s nervous rambling, “I mean, not together together. Just like, in the same general area. And I know California is a big place but its not too big that maybe we couldn't see each other. Unless you’re sick of seeing me? Cause gosh, we’ve been on this trip for a while now and man, now that i think about it its been like one long first hangout—“

“Laura.”

Laura pressed her lips together and nodded, knowing full well she was rambling.

Carmilla looked at her for a moment, trying to memorize her face in case the escape came to an end sooner rather than later. She knew it was more complicated than Laura knew, but it didn't stop her from replying, “I’d like that.”

Laura had to duck her head and bite her lip to try and hide how big she was smiling. “Great.” then she giggled. Cause gosh she was tired but also the thought of Carmilla wanting to hang out with her when she actually had the choice was just the greatest. “Well, I better um, get to bed.”

“Goodnight, Laura.” Carmilla whispered, looking over with a small smile.

Laura considered what to do next. She was holding her breath, trying to decide. Be brave or not risk it. Her heart pounded as she watched Carmilla stand up straight and turn to face her, stars reflecting in her eyes. She decided to be brave.

Carmilla hadn't been expecting it. Laura pushed herself up onto her toes, taking hold of Carmilla’s shoulder to steady herself. Soft lips touched cool skin, lingering longer than necessary. Then she pulled away, smiled, and disappeared through the doorway.

Carmillas hand came up, fingertips pressing into the space on her cheek that Laura’s lips had just touched. She knew whatever came next in her life, would never live up to the accidental road trip she had found herself on. If she was being honest, she had known it for a while. 

She didn't even try to wait for Laura to fall asleep before climbing into the bed with her. She didn't bother separating them with a pillow in the middle of the mattress or tell herself to keep her distance. As soon as the comforter had been pulled over her body, she slid her hand towards Laura, who met her half way. One final glance out the window at the shining stars was the last thing she saw as she fell asleep, Laura’s hand held gently in her own.

She was trapped in constellations, having lost her grip on gravity. Floating into oblivion, just to be closer to the starlight that was Laura. 

——

_Day 7_

_They say a picture is worth 1,000 words… so heres 2,000._

 

She had placed the photos from the planetarium in her journal that night, instead of writing out an entry. The first was of everyone, Perry and Laf walking like astronauts across the ‘moon’, Laura mid stomp at a comment made by Carmilla, and Carmilla smiling ear to ear.

The second, Laura’s face shoved through the cut out of an alien, wide smile and happiness written all over her face. Carmilla’s head in the space of the astronaut. It wasn't as wide, but a smile was there, and her eyes on Laura instead of the camera.

 


	11. Falling...to pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> on their way to grandmothers house...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seriously i love your comments. it makes me write faster when i know you guys are enjoying the story :) you're the best.

Sleep had come faster than it had in weeks. The nervousness of what would come once asleep had vanished the second Laura had grabbed her hand. It was like as long as she was tethered to Laura, she felt grounded, safe. 

When morning came and she was in the same position she had fallen asleep in, it felt even more possible that she had finally found her footing in a world that seemed to always be trying to knock her down. Finding that in another person was a little jarring and completely unexpected. But at the same time, the gentle press of a palm in her own was more than comforting.  

10:46am

"No way." Carmilla rasped as soon as she saw the time. She laid still for a minute but didn't hear anything, meaning everyone else must still be asleep. Apparently spending a little extra money on a place to stay meant better rest. 

For someone that wasn't usually a morning person, Carmilla was getting quite good at being the first to wake. Reluctantly she pulled her hand from Laura's and climbed out of the bed slowly. 

After using the bathroom and washing her face, she walked through the bedroom, taking one more look at a still sleeping Laura before heading for the main room and shutting the door behind her. This room was much brighter than the bedroom had been. The balcony doors had been left open over night and a breeze filtered in with the growing sounds of late morning. 

It was peaceful, and unlike the night before, the quietness was welcomed. Her mind didn't seem as cluttered right then and she was going to enjoy it as long as it lasted.  

She made a quick call down to the desk then walked out to the balcony to wait. She was only out there a couple minutes before she heard quiet footsteps behind her. 

"Hey." Laura smiled sleepily, rubbing her eyes with her palms. 

"Hey." Carmilla smiled and turned to lean her back against the railing. 

"I can't believe Perry let us sleep this long."

"Well considering she's asleep, she hasn't had the opportunity to freak out about it yet."

"Think we should wake them?" Laura asked, yawning then wrinkling her nose at the idea. 

Carmilla just shook her head. The elevator chimed and she pushed herself off the railing to walk back inside. "You know, you're kind of adorable when you're sleepy."

Wow. Okay. Blushing first thing in the morning? This was going to be an interesting day. 

Laura's eyes lit up when she followed Carmilla, seeing another cart being pushed into the room. "What's this?"

"Breakfast." Carmilla grabbed a piece of toast already covered in jam and took a bite. 

Laura eyed the plates full of pancakes, eggs, bacon, waffles, fruit, you name it. If it was a breakfast food, it was there. 

"Okay now we _have_ to wake them up or Laf will never forgive us." She grabbed a orange slice and stuck it in her moth before skipping across the room to the bedroom Laf and Perry had used the night before. 

There it was. The constant reminder that it wasn't just her and Laura. While it was annoying in most situations, it had helped in her ability to avoid letting Laura in on the truth about who exactly she was. She thought for sure bringing them to a place like this would land her in an all out interrogation. 

Room service was turning out to be her get out of jail free card. French fries or pancakes and suddenly Laura lost all interest in everything else. Including a very expensive hotel room. 

As the rest of the travel squad followed Laura back out, it seemed room service was the key for them all. 

"We really should have left by now. It was irresponsible of us not to set an alarm—" Perry stopped suddenly, "is that orange juice freshly squeezed?"

Laf was already 5 pieces deep into the bacon and eyeing the still warm biscuits. 

"Are you reading the newspaper?" Laura watched Carmilla sit down at the small coffee table with her piece of toast and newspaper in hand. 

"You say that like you're surprised." Carmilla stuck the last bite in her mouth before leaning back in the chair, feet up on the table. 

"I guess you don't seem the newspaper type." Laura passed the syrup to Laf upon request before filling a plate of her own with food and moving to sit with Carmilla. 

"Doesn't your job depend on _everyone_ being the newspaper type?"

"Good point." Laura shoved a fork full of pancakes in her mouth. "Anything interesting?"

Carmilla watched her, both impressed and amused by the giant bite she had spoken around. "Actually," she grinned into the newspaper, "there's a report of a gas station that got robbed yesterday." 

Laura coughed, almost choking on her food. Carmilla just clicked her tongue and shook her head like the report was a tragedy. 

"Kids these days, always causing trouble." Carmilla smirked, picking up Laura's discarded fork and eating a bite of her pancakes. 

"You're lying." Laura was still half choking as she pulled the edge of the newspaper down to see the page Carmilla was on. "Obituaries? You're a jerk." Laura hit the newspaper back up towards Carmilla and rolled her eyes. 

"Who died?" Laf asked, dropping down in the seat next to Laura with a plate overflowing with food. 

"Carmilla's sense of appropriate humor." Laura glared across the table. 

"Was it ever living?" Laf smiled at their own joke, pushing a chair out with their foot for Perry. 

Laura gave Carmilla a look of victory with Laf backing her up, but forgot to even pretend to still be mad when Carmilla just smiled back. 

"I hate to interrupt the playful banter," Perry set her plate down and took a sip of orange juice before sitting, "but we really should discuss today's travel plans."

That was Carmilla's cue to lift the newspaper again and ignore the rest of the conversation. 

Laura chuckled at Carmilla's immediate exit from Perry's request to talk, but knew she was right. She had no idea where they were or how long Carmilla had driven while they all slept. They could have anywhere from an hour to 6 hours left to go before they were at Grans. And it was already late morning so they better figure out a game plan fast if they were going to make it there when they were supposed to. 

"I'll grab my computer and map it." Laura got up and went to the bedroom to grab her laptop. 

"So Carmilla." Laf cleared their throat. 

Carmilla's eyebrow arched slightly but her attention stayed on the newspaper. 

"Nice place you got us." They picked at their teeth with their tongue, waiting for a response. When there wasn't one, "how ever can you afford such a—"

"How would you like to choke on those pancakes you're enjoying so much?" Carmilla didn't even look away from the newspaper when she cut them off. 

“I'd just wash it down with this freshly squeezed orange juice—"

"Drowning in orange juice would be an interesting way to go."

Perry had no idea what was going on. The conversation wasn't exactly pleasant but Laf was smiling and Carmilla didn't seemed bothered at all. It was almost like they were having a conversation within the conversation and she just didn't understand it. 

"I mean if I have to die, at least they could wrap me in the incredibly expensive sheets from the giant bed in the other room.”

"I'll throw you off the balcony."

"Carmilla!" Laura came back into the room, just as confused at Perry but slightly more worried.

"The obituaries." Carmilla shrugged, "someone fell off a balcony." Was all Carmilla said as she flipped the page of her newspaper. 

Laf was smiling and Perry looked more confused than worried so Laura decided just to drop it. She sat back down and opened her computer. 

"Looks like.." She was waiting for the map to update the estimated travel time from where it said they were at, "about 6 hours."

She looked at the map to gauge how far they had driven the night before, ignoring the notification from her email as she figured out the distance. Carmilla had driven for a good 4 or 5 hours while the rest of them slept through most of it. Laura felt bad, going that far south just for the planetarium meant a lot more driving than playing now.  But then she looked up and caught Carmilla smiling at her and it felt worth it. 

Whatever had happened the day before had clearly been a good thing. How could she feel bad about that?

"Have you guys heard of a company called Covae?" Laura had opened the email marked new and skimmed it, ignoring the heads shaking no at her question. "That's weird..."

"What's weird sweetie?" Perry had finished eating and was stacking dirty plates and folding her napkin neatly. 

"Well I don't remember sending them a resume, I've never even heard of them but.." She opened up a web browser, wanting to do a search to figure out who they were, "they said they are interested in interviewing me for a position."

She chalked it up to sending out so many resumes that she probably just forgot about them. Then as the web page loaded she reread the email, noticing the mention that they had received her resume from a Matska Belmonde. Laura _knew_ she didn't know anyone by that name. 

Carmilla was the only one paying attention now. She knew exactly who Corvae was.

"Sweet sugar cookies." Laura leaned towards her screen. "Guys, they are actually pretty big. They are owned by Panthera Group..”

“Wait, what?” Laf looked up at Laura then over to Carmilla. “Panthera Group? Isn't that—“

“Apparently they are looking for a writer for their magazine.” Laura cut off Laf with an excited gasp, “That gets distributed nation wide! Thats way better than articles about botox, am I right?” she did a fist pump in the air then went back to reading the screen in front of her.

Carmilla nodded at Laura but was more worried about what Laf had been about to say. Lafontaine was the only one that even knew about her connection to Panthera Group and would be able to connect her to Corvae and figure out what she had done. Her plan had come from good intentions, but it hadn't been thought out that well.  Of course Mattie would send Laura’s resume to companies she was directly connected to, a fact that Carmilla hadn't considered until now. And now, it was too late. Laf could totally blow it if they didn't keep quiet.

The good news? Laura seemed ecstatic. Which meant maybe Carmilla's attempt at doing something nice wasn't completely bad, after all.  

Laf must have noticed Carmilla's worry because they went silent, their usual smile replaced with a thoughtful expression. They were definitely putting the pieces together. 

"Think you'll respond?" Laf asked, their eyes watching Carmilla closely. 

"I already did." Laura smiled proudly and sat up straight in her chair. "And I didn't even need your help." she looked over at Carmilla with a satisfied grin.

"What- what does- I didn't-" yeah, way to play it cool Carmilla. 

"I haven't sent your revised version of my resume out yet." Laura hadn't caught on to Carmilla's slight panic. "So my boring one must have done the trick."

"Oh. Right." Carmilla let out a relieved breath.

"Laf sweetie, are you ok?" Perry rubbed a hand across Lafontaines back as they shook their head. 

"Fine. I'm fine." They nodded then gave perry a smile, "just thinking."

"You sure?" Perry was skeptical. 

"They said they were fine." Carmilla dropped her foot off the table and stood up, looking around at the others. "I'm.. Shower." She shook her head at her inability to make a complete sentence but didn't bother trying to fix it. 

She left everyone at the table feeling slightly confused as she disappeared into the other room. Everyone except Laf.

The reactions coming from Carmilla on the topic confirmed their suspicions. Carmilla had something to do with the mystery interview offer. An idiot could figure it out, as long as they had the right information. Which now that they thought about it, they were still the only one with that information. 

"Me shower too." Laf stood up abruptly, then turned and disappeared into their own bedroom. 

"Everyone is being weird, right?" Laura smiled at Perry, "it's not just me is it?"

Perry shook her head, equally confused by the last couple minutes, "not just you."

It wasn't until this moment that keeping Carmilla's secret felt like lying. Before it was just not saying anything and letting Carmilla figure it out on her own. Now, it felt deceitful. And Laf hated it. They decided it was time to find a way for the information to come out. They would give Carmilla the chance to say it, or they would say it for her. 

But first, a shower. They really did need one. 

\----

"Panthera Group?" Laf dropped their bag at Carmilla's feet and looked over their shoulder to make sure they were alone. "As in Karnstein founded and owned Panthera Group?"

Carmilla seemed unamused. She crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow. 

"The same Panthera Group that happens to own Corvae, who mysteriously wants to interview Laura." Laf was still waiting for a response. They hadn't gotten one yet. "Coincidentally _the day_ after Laura tells you she's job searching."

Carmilla blinked and tilted her head. She shifted her weight, but stayed silent. 

"Are you seriously not going to take credit for this?" 

Carmilla dropped her hands and shrugged, "why would I?"

"Don't play dumb, Carmilla." Laf scoffed, "we both know you had something to do with it."

" _We_ don't know anything so _we_ aren't going to say anything." Carmilla gave them a challenging look before walking away, leaving them at the elevator. 

"You're asking me to lie." Laf followed, talking a little more loudly than before. 

Carmilla spun around, her voice quiet, "just-" she sighed. She knew they were right but she still didn't want them to say anything. "When I find the right moment I'll say something."

Laf narrowed their eyes, considering what she was saying. 

"I don't want to take the excitement away from the interview." Carmilla added quickly, "all I did was pass her resume on. It had nothing to do with me and I'd hate for her to think it did." 

It was true. It was also what she needed to say to convince Laf to stay quiet about it all for a little while longer. 

"Fine." Laf relented, "but if you don't say anything, I will."

"About what?" Laura was walking across the room, pulling her bag across the floor behind her. 

Laf and Carmilla both turned to face her, looking more than a little guilty. 

"About the uh, beds being just, _too_ nice in this place." Laf chuckled nervously, "am I right?"

Carmilla rolled her eyes. It's amazing how bad these people were at playing it cool. 

"You ready?" Carmilla asked, taking Laura's bag and adding it to the pile by the elevator. 

"Yep." Laura smiled, "although I'm sad we can't stay here longer. It's a good thing we did this our last night before Grans or I would have refused to step foot in another crappy motel."

"Same." Laf nodded then smiled wide at Laura, "one more jump for the road?"

"Definitely." Laura giggled then they both ran towards the couches in the center of the room. 

A moment later Perry came out of the bedroom, bag in tow, completely ignoring Laf and Laura jumping from one couch to the next. She added her bag to the pile then just stood next to Carmilla, watching the other two act like children. 

"It's nice not to be the only adult around here for once." Perry smiled at Carmilla then looked back at the pair jumping. 

"You know you could always just join them in their stupidity."

"Oh no." Perry shook her head and pressed her lips together, "I couldn't."

Carmilla couldn't help but smirk. "I think you should."

—

"Miss Karnstein the car is ready for you down- what on earth?!"

"Stupid hat guy!" Carmilla called out as she hurled a pillow at Laf who was leaping from one couch to the next.

"I beg your pardon?" He looked absolutely mortified. Either by the nickname or the adults jumping on the couches in front of him. Could have been either, honestly. 

"Come jump!" Laura laughed loudly as she jumped, gracelessly, to the floor. 

"No I, I couldn't possibly." He shook his head vigorously, his hands out in front of him, "I just came to collect your bags."

"Come on Jeeves." Carmilla threw another pillow, hitting Laf in the face mid jump. "What happens in the suite, stays in the suite."

Laf fell onto their back, landing on the couch with a bounce before tumbling off onto the ground. "It's up to you now, Perry!" Laf raised their hand dramatically, "you must survive for us all!"

"Can't we all just be masters of the couch kingdom?" Perry asked nervously, bouncing daintily along the cushions of one of the large couches. 

"Couchdom!" Laf corrected, absolutely delighted at their made up word of couch and kingdom. "and no, there can only be one survivor!"

"Come on stupid hat guy," Laura hurried over to him and grabbed his arm, pulling him further into the room, "no offense." She scrunched up her nose realizing the insult. 

"Oh no, it is a stupid hat." He responded as he adjusted it on his head. He was trying to back away from the couches but it wasn't working. "But I really couldn't join your... Game?"

"Of course you can." Laura smiled and climbed back in the couch, tugging at his arm, "we won't tell."

It was the most mischievous Carmilla had ever seen her be and she's pretty sure she fell in love with her because of it. Her smile was wicked where it was usually sweet, her tone dripping with persuasion. Not to mention she had been taking this game _very_ seriously. 

Carmilla hadn't pegged her for the competitive type. But as soon as pillows were being thrown, Laura was on a whole new level. 

The guy in the stupid hat didn't even get the chance to respond. Perry had tried to jump couches as Carmilla hurled a pillow her way. It hit her perfectly, knocking her over and right into the arms of the poor guy that was only trying to collect their bags. 

There was laughing and yelling and apologies as they both fell to the floor. None of which, came from Laura or Carmilla. Because now they were the only two left playing and it was getting serious. 

Carmilla had a new pillow in her hands immediately as she moved around the couch quickly to get a better angle to throw it at Laura. Laura was all narrowed eyes, hands up ready to catch anything that came her way and tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth in concentration. 

Things hadn't started this intense. It started when Laura and Laf decided it would be a loss not to jump on the couches before they left. Carmilla started tossing pillows in front and behind them. Then when Laura caught one and threw it back hard, Carmilla hurled it across the room at her, hitting her square in the face. Laura nearly fell off the couch but quickly tried to throw it back, hitting Laf instead of Carmilla. Then suddenly it was an all out war that became a game to see who could stay on the couches longest. Perry had barely been playing. On the couches but scurrying more than bouncing around the edges. 

Now Laura was jumping from couch to couch frantically as Carmilla ran around on the floor ready to throw a pillow at her. Laf was yelling for Laura to move faster, Perry and the man were still trying to get up off the floor and then it happened--

Everyone gasped as Laura launched herself over the edge of the couch and straight towards Carmilla. 

Deciding she wasn't going to wait to get hit with a pillow, instead, she was going to take Carmilla down. Literally. 

Carmilla barely had any time to react, dropping the pillow clenched in her hands just in time to catch Laura. 

Sort of. 

They landed with an 'oof' as Carmilla tumbled backwards with the force Laura had dove into her with. Luckily the other pillows that had been thrown were scattered around the room and one happened to be in the exact spot Carmilla collided with the floor.

Perry and the man in the hat stood up quickly, both exclaiming, "oh my goodness!"

Laf was still on the floor laughing, adding a "that was awesome!"

Carmilla groaned at the force that had smashed against her chest, stealing her breath and Laura shot up off the ground, both hands in the air shouting "I am victorious!"

"You cheated." Carmilla grumbled as she rolled to her side, coughing for air, before pushing herself up to sit. 

Laura looked down at her with nothing but pride and placed her hands on her hips. "Did not. You're just mad I won."

Carmilla scoffed and brought an arm up to rub her shoulder. "You're lucky you're cute."  Hanging out with Laura was proving to be a continuously dangerous activity. 

"Oh my gosh I totally forgot!" Laura dropped down on the floor next to Carmilla, her hand immediately on her shoulder, rubbing gently. "Is your shoulder okay?"

Carmilla was more startled by this than she was by being attacked a minute earlier. "Yeah it's fine. Just a little sore still. Not a big deal."

She just watched Laura's face while Laura's eyes stayed on her shoulder. Like she would somehow be able to see if something was wrong. Carmilla didn't mind. When it came to Laura, she didn't care about personal space in the slightest.

"I think it's safe to say Laura is the master of 'couchdom'." Perry breathed out a sigh of relief, probably from the lack of pillows flying at her, and gestured to the bags. "Our bags are all ready to go. Sorry you had to be a part of that."

"Not my usual guest check out experience." He laughed and moved to place the bags on the cart waiting near the elevator. "When you're ready." He smiled tiredly and pushed the cart into the elevator. 

Laura actually said goodbye to the suite as she walked into the elevator. Laf asked if they sold the stupid hats somewhere, and Perry complimented the maid as they passed her in the lobby. 

Laura's choice to go to the planetarium may have been a hit, but the hotel was a close second as far as great stops go. Even if all they did was sleep and eat. 

Once they were at the car, Laura awkwardly tried to help the employee load their bags in the trunk before everyone climbed in the car. It was much later than they had planned to leave, but everyone could tell the extra sleep and time out of the car was needed. 

Perry offered to drive, having studied the map during breakfast and soon enough they were back on the road. 

——

“Can we stop?” Laura groaned in the back seat, doing her best to stretch her legs without kicking anyones seat, or anyones legs for that matter.

“Do you need to use the restroom?” Perry asked, never taking her eyes off the road.

Laura sighed, “No.”

“How much longer do you think it is?” Laf asked, reaching below the seat for the handle. They grabbed it and pulled, moving their seat forward for Laura.

“Well we had what, 6 hours to go when we left?” Carmilla was watching out the window, her voice already full of sarcasm, “And Perry’s been driving so my guess is, we have 8 left.”

Perry clicked her tongue disapprovingly, “Unless I’m going the wrong way that isn't true. And I’m _positive_  I’m going the correct direction.” 

Laf sighed but smiled at Perry, “I’ll check the map.”

Laura pulled her legs up underneath her to sit cross legged, only to drop them back to the floor just a second later. She was getting antsy sitting in the car and no matter how she sat, it just wasn't comfortable. 

Carmilla must have noticed because she leaned towards Laura slightly and whispered, "I have something for you."

"You do?" Laura's smile was shy but her eyes shone with excitement. 

Carmilla nodded and reached down towards her feet, moving her jacket to grab something. 

"Are those..?" Laura grinned wider when she saw what Carmilla was grabbing. 

"Pillow chocolates?" Carmilla smirked and held the bag out. "I mean you were so excited about them, I couldn't leave without getting you a few more."

"A few?" Laura laughed, grabbing he bag, "this is way more than a few. When did you even get these? We all walked out together."

Carmilla shrugged a shoulder, "I asked nicely."

Laura gave her a look like she didn't believe her. 

"Alright, so I swiped them off the maids cart when Perry was talking to her."

"Carm!" Laura laughed as she started to unwrap one, popping it in her mouth with a smile.

Carmilla just smiled at her, "they won't even notice it's gone."

Laura smiled as she reached in the bag to pull another one out, "they really are pretty good for being pillow chocolates."

The chocolates worked to distract everyone in the car for a little longer but it was only a matter of time before everyone started getting restless again. Especially when they realized how much more driving they had to do. Taking their time with the road trip seemed like a good idea when they were planning it. Now that they had been in the car for over a week, everyone was ready to spend some time outside a moving vehicle. Every hour felt like days and not stopping was nearly torture. 

They were at hour 3 1/2 of 6 when everyone had finally reached their limit. 

"Ok for real. I need to get out." Laf was taking heavy breaths in the front seat. Even having shotgun wasn't working for them.

Laura had her head leaning on the door, halfway out the window with her eyes closed but she didn't look happy. 

Carmilla was barely holding onto her sanity by listening to her music, headphones in her ears. She hadn't listened to a song the entire way through in a good 30 miles, skipping through her playlist like she hated everything coming up.

Even Perry had sped up her driving a considerable amount, trying to reach their destination quicker. 

"We are almost there." Perry sighed, glancing at Laf then back to the road. 

"There's no way." Laf shook their head, pulling the map from the middle of the seat and opening it up. Spotting a road sign they dragged their finger along the map to find where they were. "We still have forever. We are barely at Cimarron."

"Wait." Carmilla pulled her headphones from her ears and leaned forward, "where did you say we are?"

“Cimarron, Colorado." Laf turned around in their seat. "Why?"

"I've been here before. Its by Montrose, right?” Carmilla grabbed the map from Laf, scanning it quickly from the place Lafs finger had been pointing. "Yeah. I know somewhere we can stop."

"Stop?" Perry clearly wasn't completely on board with that plan. "But we are almost there."

"We have over 2 hours left and just 20 minutes till we hit the spot I know." Carmilla was actually putting in effort to make this happen. 

It made Laura curious. "How do you even know this area?"

"Work. Doesn't matter." Carmilla waved off the question, "point is, I know somewhere we can stretch our legs and get a break from the car."

Perry sighed as she thought it over. Laura hadn't seen Carmilla interested in choosing a stopping point since the abandoned playground they had stopped at and was definitely curious to see what it was in _Montrose Colorado_ that she knew so well. Seriously, there were in the middle of nowhere. 

"I'm in." Laf shrugged, looking around at the other faces that seemed to be thinking it over. “I’m about to go crazy. Even if its just 10 minutes, we need to do something besides sit.”

"Is It legal?" Laura asked trying to control her smile. 

"What kind of question is that?" Carmilla rolled her eyes. 

"When it comes to you, a valid one." Laura chuckled, tossing one of the many chocolate wrappers Carmilla's way. 

"I make no promises." Carmilla answered flatly. 

"Well with an answer like that, I'm definitely in." Perry responded sarcastically. 

"Great!" Carmilla clapped her hands then looked down to the map, ignoring the eye rolls and giggling happening around her. "I'll tell you when to exit. I think I remember how to get there."

"You _think_?" Perry squeaked. Clearly she was the most hesitant about what was now happening. 

——

"I knew it would be illegal." Laura shook her head, leaning forward between the seats and peering out the front window. 

"Why do you know about this place?" Perry asked, a concerned look on her face. 

Laf glanced back, equally curious about Carmilla's answer. It never came. Carmilla just got out of the car and started walking along the fence. 

"Well, it turned out fine last time?" Laura was sticking her head between the seats, looking at Laf then Perry for either agreement or an argument. 

"Yolo?" Laf chuckled. 

"Oh boy." Perry said through a sigh as she climbed out of the car, followed by the other two. 

They were quick to catch up to Carmilla who was walking the fence line, looking for an opening. This fence was much higher than the last one they ignored, standing tall above their heads. The place was equally deserted though. 

"Maybe we should just forget it." Laura stumbled over a crack in the asphalt. "It looks pretty closed off."

"Scared?" Carmilla smirked, looking over her shoulder as she shook the fence, the chain link rattling loudly. 

Laura scoffed, "no." 

 _Yes_.

"I'm just saying, it's getting dark and I mean, what does one do in a closed water park?" For some reason she was hoping to talk Carmilla out of this before she breeched the fence. Because once she got through, Laura knew she would follow Carmilla, if only to prove she wasn't scared. 

"Getting dark?" Carmilla chuckled, stopping at a break in the fence. Kicking it with her foot to see how wide she could push it open. "We have an hour till sunset."

That was the end of the discussion, the fence was wide enough that Carmilla slipped through and just kept walking. She didn't even bother to see if anyone was following. 

Laf, Laura and Perry all stopped at the opening and looked around at each other. 

"Are we really doing this?" Perry asked, her entire face frowning. 

"We don't have to." Laf reassured her as they looked around. 

The place was pretty big. The fence surrounded the water park, a half dozen or so slides scattered across the large lot, all varying shapes and sizes. A couple empty pools, a river shaped one wrapping around a couple of the slides with bridges scattered along it. A huge flat surface in the center of it all, probably where patrons set out towels for when they weren't swimming.  There was litter, life vests, beach chairs, deflated tubes and even towels scattered around the park. 

Then Laf saw the sign, just a little further down on the fence near what used to be the actual entrance. 

Big bold letters above ticket booths — “Wild Springs Water Park"

There was a sign below it with large letters, 'CLOSED'.  Off to the side was another sign, a little smaller, labeling the property sold and soon to be under construction for 'Panthera Group'.

"Carmilla! Isn't this...?" Laf scoffed not bothering to finish their thought, realizing why Carmilla knew about this place and why she wasn't worried in the slightest. 

She was probably the one that purchased the land. 

"I have a feeling it'll be fine." Laf sounded more sure than they did a second ago. They nodded then slipped through the same opening Carmilla had gone through. 

Perry followed reluctantly but as soon as Laura slipped through the fence she got the same excited feeling as she had running out of the gas station for their version of a dine and dash. 

Carmilla was definitely a bad influence. But it was mostly butterflies she was feeling, not regret.

Perry found an old beach ball and after listing the types of diseases Laf was going to contract if they blew it up, joined in on hitting it back and forth in one of the empty pools as they pretended to swim. Carmilla disappeared for a few minutes only to return dragging two huge card board boxes. 

Carmilla's smile was all mischief and everyone else shook their heads firmly when she started to explain it was for "riding the water slides without water".

To everyone's surprise, it actually worked. Something about dirt and momentum, who knows really? Point is, it worked.

They took turns running up the different paths and stairways to the different slides. The cardboard boxes not being the smoothest rides down, but eliciting roaring laughter and hilarious antics. Sometimes they came out the end still in the boxes, sometimes they tumbled out in a mess of cardboard and limbs. 

One slide in particular was extra entertaining. It had just enough slant to keep the box sliding easily and quickly for the entire ride down, then at the last moment, a steep drop off that always resulted in whoever was riding to tumble out of their box and roll to the bottom. 

Laf had gone down 4 times already. Hollering loudly each time. It echoed through the tubing, only the last section being uncovered. As soon as they were out of the tube, their hands flew up then immediately they tumbled over gracelessly. It was a miracle no one had gotten a concussion yet, Laf especially.

"Okay, that one hurt a little." Laf was dragging the box behind them towards the group sitting on the ground at the end of the slide. 

"Yeah, you really aren't getting any better." Carmilla leaned back on her hands, "I'd give that last one a solid 6."

"6?!" Laf yelled, throwing their hand behind them and gesturing towards the slide, "My dismount was a masterpiece!"

"Your dismount was a disaster." Laura smiled at Carmilla then looked up at Laf.

"Oh really, frosh?" Laf crossed their arms, "you think you two could do better?"

Laura scoffed, "Oh I know we can."

There was that competitive side again. Equal parts intimidating and adorable. She was tiny, but she was also fierce.

"Alright, lets see it." Laf challenged, "See if you two can do better."

Laura's challenging expression faltered slightly and she glanced quickly at Carmilla, "Two? Like, together?"

Carmilla started standing up then stuck out her hand for Laura who was still sitting on the ground. "What? Think we cant do it?"

Laura didn't care if they could or not. If it meant sharing a cardboard box with Carmilla, she was in either way.

Yeah. This day was getting stranger as it went on.

\--

"Do you want front, or back?" Carmilla dropped the box at the entrance of the slide and kicked it forward before looking back at Laura.

Suddenly her competitive spirit had been overtaken by butterflies in her stomach. "Either. Either is fine."

Carmilla turned around and looked at her with a curious expression, "If you changed your mind.."

"No." Laura stepped closer, shaking her head quickly, "I didn't, its cool. I'll take back."

"You're sure?" Carmilla eyed her skeptically.

"Sure, I mean," Laura pulled in a deep breath and stepped up into the slide entrance platform, looking over the edge, "Lafs done it a bunch, so its probably safe."

"Well, if you're basing safety off of things Laf does, I'm not sure you know your friend very well." Carmilla chuckled and stepped a foot inside the box.

Laura leaned over the ledge and saw Laf and Perry sitting at the bottom waiting. This slide was higher than any of the other ones she had gone on so far.

Carmilla watched her lean towards the ledge and could tell she was nervous, so she climbed in the box and sat down facing the wrong way.

Laura noticed immediately. "You cant go down backwards, thats just crazy."

"Well I'm not going without you and you aren't in the box so it doesn't really matter which way I sit." She smiled up at Laura, "Does it?"

The butterflies were still there, but for a different reason than being nervous about a waterslide.

Laura chuckled and stepped up next to the box. "So if I get in, will you turn around?"

"That depends." Carmilla pulled her legs in closer to herself to open up space in the box then held out her hand for Laura.

"On what?" Laura slowly took Carmilla's hand and stepped inside the box but stayed standing.

She couldn't get over how soft Carmilla's hand was in hers, or how despite not needing to, she was still holding on to Laura's. Carmilla was so different than she expected her to be. Once she started letting Laura in, it was like this whole other person existed behind the rough exterior. She was sweet, funny, and playful. Never in a million years did she think the girl she saw leaning against the counter at a gas station, decked out in leather and flirting with another girl would bring her to a place like this and sit in a cardboard box with her.

"On whether or not you want to go at all." Carmilla tugged gently and Laura sat down in the box, their knees pressing together.

It took a second for Laura to really process everything happening around her. It not like fireworks were going off or anything. They were sitting in a cardboard box for heavens sake. But it was a tight squeeze, their knees pressed against each other, and Carmilla was still holding her hand, her thumb brushing gently across Laura's knuckles.

"You're not what I expected."

Whoops. That was meant to be an inside thought.

Carmilla chuckled and ducked her head.

Gosh, Laura must have had it bad. Cause it was all in slow motion. Curls falling around her face, the upturn of her lips, the crinkle at the edge of her eyes and the quick movement of her tongue poking out to lick her lips. She was beautiful. Even in a cardboard box, she was beautiful.

"And what did you expect?" Carmilla looked back up at her.

Warp speed now. Slow motion to warp speed. Because now she had to come up with a coherent answer that wasn't just, I thought you were going to be an asshole but you're kind of wonderful.

"I thought you were going to be an asshole but you're kind of wonderful." Laura wasn't always the greatest under pressure.

Carmilla laughed then gave Laura a smug smile, "Wonderful, huh?"

"And theres the asshole." Laura rolled her eyes, trying to ignore the warmth speaking through her cheeks. "But really, I feel like I've gotten to know you and you aren't as harsh or whatever as you pretend to be."

"I'm harsh now?" Carmilla raised her eyebrows, a hint of being offended present.

"You know what I mean." Laura scoffed, "I just said you were wonderful so shut up."

Carmilla chuckled then looked down at their still joined hands. She hadn't been offended. Not at all. In fact, hearing Laura saw she was wonderful was probably the greatest part of the trip so far. And after the night before, talking on the balcony, the kiss on the cheek, things were actually turning out better than she could have imagined. Except, that last part of what Laura said was nagging at her. _I feel like i've gotten to know you._

Laura had. Carmilla had been more herself with Laura than almost anyone else in her life. But she had still kept a huge part of who she was away from her, and now she was worried she had gone too long without saying anything for it not to upset Laura at least a little bit.

"Now who looks nervous?" Laura chuckled and squeezed Carmilla's hands. "We can slide now. Before I embarrass myself more."

Carmilla forced a smile, apparently Laura knew her well enough to see she was worried. "Afraid you might try and kiss me again?"

Laura bit her lip and shook her head, "Yeah, still an asshole."

"I dont think thats ever going to change." Carmilla stood up and turned around to face the front of the box then sat back down.

Laura scooted forward so they were sitting tightly together, "We'll see about that."

Then Laura reached out of the box and placed her hands on the slide, Carmilla did the same and after a few good pushes they started to slip into the entrance and started to move forward without pushing.

Carmilla knew she had to figure out how to tell Laura everything if she didn't want to mess this up, but as they picked up speed and Laura's laugh echoed through the slide, she decided right now she just wanted to enjoy the moment.

So she let herself laugh, and imagined this life didn't have to end.

The drop off was approaching quickly and it only made Laura laugh harder, "Here it comes!" Laura braced herself as best she could, hands gripping the edge of the box.

Carmilla just laughed as the box started to tip over the drop off. Laura's hands fell from the box and wrapped around Carmilla's waist. They had squished their way into a box together, and given the option, Laura would rather stay connected to Carmilla than the box. Easy choice, really. 

Instinctively, one of Carmilla's hands came down and grabbed onto Laura's, the other lifting in front of her slightly, ready to brace their fall. They tumbled over the edge, falling out of the box, bodies pressing together, laughter echoing through the tube shaped slide as they rolled together to the bottom. 

"Okay, I know my dad would kill me for saying this," Laura was talking between bouts of laughter as they laid at the bottom of the slide, "but water slides are so much more fun when it's illegal."

Carmilla just laughed from her spot at the bottom of the slide. They had managed to land laying next to each other on their backs, Laura's head laying over Carmilla's shoulder. She reached over and brushed some hair from Laura's face and chuckled. 

"And you seem like such a good girl." Carmilla smirked, looking down at Laura. 

Laura laughed, smacking Carmilla lightly before sitting up and looking down at her, "I am!" She chuckled before adding, "you're just a bad influence."

Carmilla's smile turned genuine and she let out a shy laugh, looking away from Laura. "Why don't we give the slides a break and keep exploring?"

"Sure." Laura smiled down at Carmilla, not missing the pink in her cheeks or the way her smile made her eyes shine. 

Laura looked around for Laf and Perry but didn't spot them. They probably got tired of waiting and went off to explore on their own. Laf had mentioned something about the fascinating ecosystem living in the dried up play area made for small children. Carmilla had refused to go over there so Laf probably dragged Perry over while they were alone. Laura didn't really want to think about what made it so much different than the rest of the water park, let alone mess with whatever was living there either.

Carmilla pointed out a tower that was the highest point in the park, suggesting they look from up there. 

It was a lot of stairs. Like, a lot. 

"Are we there yet?" Laura huffed, hand gripping the railing and pulling her forward with every step. "And before you ask, there's no way I'm going on any slide that's this high."

Carmilla chuckled, stepping up the last step and placing her hands on her hips. "It's a hell of a view.”

6 stories up, the stairs leveled out onto a small deck surrounded by old wood railing. There were two slides on opposite sides of the deck, both boarded up, and for good reason. One of the slides had broken half way down, leaving the last half of the would be slide completely gone. The other, one of the support beams had snapped and the slide slowly twisted until it hung upside-down for the last portion of its decline. But Carmilla was right, it had a killer view. It was high enough they could see around the entire park, out to the parking lot where their car sat alone, and even far enough to see into town and the neighboring houses.

“Woah.” Laura didn't bother stepping up close to the railing, she was sure it would crumble with any kind of pressure. “This is crazy.”

The sun sat low in the sky, still some time before it set completely, but the clouds and the mountains cast shadows and an array of colors across the landscape and through the sky. It was an amazing sight. Mountains covered in green trees, the Colorado landscape lush and beautiful. Streams cutting through the valleys, brilliantly white clouds scattered through the multicolored sky.

Laura pulled in a deep breath, feeling like she had never breathed such clean air. For a dirty, abandoned water park, everything else around her did seem crisp, new, full of possibilities. 

"Okay, for real." Laura kicked at some debris on the deck, "how did you know about this place?"

Carmilla took a deep breath, eyes searching the horizon. Now was probably as good a time as any to give Laura those last few details about herself. It's not like she was being discreet, what with the expensive hotel stay and now bringing them to a plot of land she had recently purchased. And the longer she waited, the harder it would be.

"Remember when I told you about my job?" If there was anyone that wouldn't treat her differently because of her circumstances, she was pretty sure it would be Laura. And telling her meant letting her in the rest of the way. She had already opened up a tremendous amount, it seemed fitting as they stood at the tallest point of the park to take the final leap. "I left some details out."

"Details?" Laura asked, almost absentmindedly as she took a step closer to one of the railings. 

"Yeah." Carmilla was giving herself a pep talk, it wasn't that big of a deal, really. It wouldn't change anything. "When I said I work for a company buying and selling. Thats not exactly the entire story."

"Is that Laf?" Laura interrupted, squinting at the figures below them. 

Laf was standing on the ground, waving their arms in wide motions. Perry was doing the same thing, only more frantically. 

"What?" Carmilla stepped up next to Laura just in time to see Laf hold their hand out and point to it. "What are they..?"

Laura pulled her phone out of her pocket and flipped it open to a new text from Laf. 

_Laf: COPS_

"Oh no, no, no, no." Laura started walking quickly to the stairs, looking around the outside of the water park. Then she spotted them. 

Slowly circling the fence was a police car with its light flashing. They were going slow enough that Laura knew they were looking for something. Or someone. 

"What do we do?" She turned around, wide eyes staring at Carmilla as she held the phone up for her to see the text. 

Carmilla chuckled when she read the text and grabbed Laura's phone. She peered over the railing at the police car that had stopped before starting her way down the stairs. She watched the cops as she walked, they had gotten out and were walking along the fence, no doubt looking for the way they had gotten in. 

"How could they even know we were here?" Laura asked as she followed Carmilla down the stairs. A little too slowly for her liking, actually. 

"Someone must have seen us and called it in." Carmilla leaned over the railing, catching Lafs attention and waved the phone in the air before pulling her hand back and responding to their text. 

They had gotten far enough down the stairs that she could see Lafs expression, basically a disbelieving look of 'you can't be serious.'

"Well we have two options." Carmilla grabbed Laura's hand and started moving quicker down the stairs, "turn ourselves in or run like hell."

Panic set in and made Laura speechless. She had never in her life thought she would be in this situation. It was no longer just exciting and out of her comfort zone. It was down right reckless, irresponsible, and a huge mistake. 

Everything was a blur after that. If it wasn't for the hold Carmilla had on her hand, she probably would have been frozen in place. Bend the rules, sure. Break the law? Never.

"Oh my god I'm going to jail." Laura mumbled as Carmilla pulled her across the park, keeping behind slides and bathroom buildings as best as possible. 

It was a long shot they would get out of there without getting caught, but Carmilla was doing her best to at least try. 

They finally stopped and crouched behind a large plastic whale perched at the edge of the kiddie pool. It had lost its color and any distinctive markings to make it obvious it was a whale, besides its shape. Its tail stood up tall and its tongue had been made into a slide that dropped into what used to be a shallow pool.

Laura was shaking her head, mostly to herself, trying to figure out how this had become her life. 

Away from home, living on the road and running from the law. 

Ok, she was being a little dramatic, but apparently hiding behind an old plastic whale took her mind to a dark place. 

"Hey." Laf whispered, scooting up behind Laura and Carmilla, Perry in tow. 

Laura screeched, surprised by Laf showing up behind her. 

Carmilla shushed them all. “Remember where we came in?”

“Yeah.” Laf nodded, calmer than the other two huddling with them behind the whale. Probably because they were the only one besides Carmilla that knew they weren't in as much trouble as it seemed.

“Make your way there and I’ll either meet you at the car…” Carmilla pulled in a heavy breath and smiled over her shoulder, “or you can meet me at the station.”

“Station?” Laura’s eyes almost bugged out of her head, “What station? What are you talking about?”

Carmilla winked at her but didn't answer. She just stood up straight and walked out from behind the whale casually. She let out a whistle, pulling the two officers attention and started walking right toward them.

“Come on, lets go.” Laf whispered and nudged Perry to go the opposite way Carmilla had. They weren't far from the hole in the fence that they had come through, getting there without being seen was going to be the hard part. It was actually more fun than scary, knowing Carmilla owned the park and they weren't actually in danger of getting into much trouble. It was pretty funny watching Perry and Laura try to figure out what to do not knowing that little detail.

“What?” Laura looked at Laf worriedly, “And just leave her?”

“She’ll be fine.” Laf nodded, “Besides, we either see her at the car or the station.” They grinned, doing their best not to chuckle at the whole ordeal.

Laf turned and followed Perry closely, being sure to duck behind anything they could, and dropping down into pools to stay below ground and out of sight. They didn't notice till it was too late that Laura hadn't followed.

—

Laura had no clue what was happening. One minute she was enjoying the view with Carmilla, the next she was hiding behind a whale while a couple of cops walked around an abandoned water park in search of them.

Seriously. This was her life now. 

Carmilla had winked at her like it was just another day for her then practically waltzed out from behind the whale and straight for the cops. Laf apparently wasn't bothered by the mention of her possible arrest and had just led Perry back to where they came in, but Laura, she was stuck.

On the one hand, she really, really didn't want to get arrested. On the other, she couldn't find it in herself to leave Carmilla behind. Even if she did seem way too casual about approaching the officers.

What was that about anyway? Who just chats up police officers in the middle of trespassing? Carmilla. Thats who.

“Officers.” Carmilla smiled, lifting her hands up at her sides, “Nice night, don’t you think?”

They weren't as friendly. They went through the basics- _Do you know you’re trespassing? Do you have ID? We’re going to have to take you in regardless of who you are._

It was the moment one of the officers took hold of Carmilla’s arm to lead her out of the park that Laura… well, was Laura.

“Wait!” She ran out form behind the whale, “You cant arrest her!”

Carmilla rolled her eyes as they all turned around. If Laura had stuck with Laf, things would have worked out just fine. She had already explained who she was and how she was connected to the park. She had given them ID and the phone number of someone to call to confirm the ownership of the property.

She had also said she was alone.

Laura coming to her rescue was going to make the officers doubt everything she told them. It was the pool experience all over again. Laura’s good intentions had backfired. Much like her jumping in the pool to save Carmilla, only to nearly drown in her oversized sweater.

“Cupcake, you should have stuck with Laf..” Carmilla sighed as Laura approached.

But Laura was on a mission. Jaw set, head held high, chest puffed up. A couple police officers weren't going to intimidate her.

“Ma’am.” One of the officers held out a hand to gesture for her to slow her approach, the other resting on his belt. “If you could just—“

“No.” Laura shook her head firmly, “I cant in good conscience let you arrest her without letting you arrest me.”

Carmilla couldn't help it when the corner of her mouth twitched up into a slight smile. They hadn't intended on arresting her, but Laura’s antics might actually make it happen. And as far as Carmilla was concerned, it was damn adorable how earnest Laura was being about the whole thing. She hadn't minded saving Laura from drowning in her sweater. She didn't mind this, either.

Suddenly Laura was explaining the entire day to the cops, leading up to how they had gotten there. She was flailing her hands around, talking quickly, and getting louder every time one of the officers would try to interrupt her.

Yeah. They got arrested.

——

“I’m so, so sorry.” Laura hadn't shut up since they got put in the back of the squad car. She really did talk more when she was nervous. “I didn't mean to say he was ugly. He’s just, special, you know?”

“I don’t think you’re helping yourself, cupcake.” Carmilla chuckled as the officer led them into the holding cell.

“Please, just stop talking about my dog.” The officer shook his head, clearly done listening to the nervous rambling coming from Laura. He Lifted his hand palm up and waved his fingers for Laura to lift her hands. 

Laura stepped up to the cell door and raised her hands, opening her wrists towards the officer, “I really am sorry.” She winced as he removed the cuffs with a sigh.

When the officer repeated his gesture at Carmilla, she simply lifted one hand, the handcuffs rung around her index finger. She held them up for him with a smirk.

He took the cuffs from her slowly, an expression that seemed a mixture of confused and impressed on his face. “Did you pick your way out of these?”

“Almost as soon as you put them on me.” She grinned then stepped back far enough for the door to close.

Laura was watching her with her jaw dropped. Not only had she been completely casual about approaching the officers to begin with, she had snickered through the car ride while Laura inadvertently insulted one of the officers dogs from a picture taped to the dash, winked at every female officer they passed as they walked through the station, and now she was handing over the pair of handcuffs, that she had managed to get out of without a key, with the biggest smirk Laura had ever seen.

Laura was furious.

As soon as the officer shut the door to the small holding cell, Laura went from apologetic, to pissed. The glare she was sending Carmilla’s way was absolutely full of frustration. It only deepened when Carmilla turned, smirk still on her face and shrugged.

“Look on the bright side-”

Laura held up her hand to silence Carmilla, closed her eyes, took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, “If you make a single joke about handcuffs, I swear, it wont only be trespassing charges, but homicide too.”

Carmilla erupted in laughter, her shoulders shaking as she covered her mouth to try and stop it. It was painfully obvious Laura wasn't seeing the funny side of this. which only made it that much more funny to Carmilla. The redder and angrier Laura's face got, the harder it was for Carmilla to stop laughing.

“Karnstein?” A new officer holding a clipboard pulled out a key and opened the door, nodding for Carmilla to follow.

As much as Laura didn't want to be alone, it was probably a good thing Carmilla was being taken somewhere else. Homicide didn't seem that far of a stretch at the moment.

Carmilla was led to another room full of desks, ringing phones, the smell of coffee and stale donuts. It wasn't the largest Police Station Carmilla had ever been in, but they all were about the same when you got down to it.

“Alright.” The officer pointed to a chair next to a desk cluttered with papers before sitting down. “I’m told you know the owner of the property and that you had permission to be there.”

“You could say that.” Carmilla smiled as she sat down and made herself comfortable.

——

“I’m a good person, you know? Sure I’ve done some things, but not jail worthy.” Laura was pacing in the small space, “In 4th grade, I stole a candy bar from the store, but felt so bad I went back and paid for it the next day. And once, when I was 7, i accidentally broke my neighbors window with a softball and got a paper route to pay for a new one. So this? This is _waaaay_ out of character for me.

“I got carried away. Cocky. Thats it. I tasted the sweet fruit of rebellion and just couldn't resist. It was the cookies. The snack and pack. It was the gateway crime. I got away with it and thought I was invincible. And the little kid carnival? It was all slides and bumper cars, so of course I thought a water park would be fine too. But was it fine? No. No it was not.”

When Carmilla got back Laura was pacing and seemed to be talking to herself. After the door was unlocked, Carmilla pulled it open and leaned against the frame.

“And now? Now i’m probably going to prison. Do you know what prison is like?” She scoffed, “Cause I sure don’t. But if Orange is the New Black is any indication, I am not cut out for it."

“Alright, cream puff.” 

Laura ignored her, continuing to pace, "and you know what's worse than prison? This is going to be on my record! And you know who looks at criminal backgrounds? Potential employers." She let out a gasp, "oh my god. I have a criminal background. My dad is going to kill me."

Carmilla chuckled, “Cupcake, Who are you talking to?”

Laura spun around at the sound of Carmilla’s voice, putting a glare back on her face. “Anthony. Obviously.” 

She swung her hand wide to the cell next to hers. A man that was most likely homeless was laying across the bench, clearly drunk and just barely awake.

Carmilla cleared her throat, forcing herself to have a straight face. "Anthony. Of course."

"And don't _cupcake_ me." Laura crossed her arms over her chest angrily, "I'm not talking to you."

"Really?" Carmilla was still leaning against the open doorway.

"Yes, _really_." Laura said harshly, looking away from her. "But if I was..."

Carmilla nodded, knowing that was coming.

"It would only be to tell you I'm mad at you and not talking to you."

"Yes, you've said that."

"Quit being so cavalier about this." Laura frowned, "just because you're fine with all this doesn't mean I am."

Carmilla raised an eyebrow, her smile dropping. Laura was legitimately mad, and Carmilla actually felt bad. Not only for landing her in a cell in a police station (even though technically that was Laura's doing) but for keeping her in the dark about the situation just for a laugh. 

"Look, Laura," Carmilla knew she had to fess up to what was going on.

"No." Laura cut her off, spinning back around to face her, "you're a hypocrite, Carmilla. And you probably don't even see it." Sure she was mad, and maybe she felt her stomach drop with the feeling that she might regret what she was about to say, but it didn't stop her. "You're all about getting me to make decisions, even though it's a stupid roadtrip and doesn't even matter! And sure, maybe making choices now will spill over to more important things later but what about you?"

Carmilla's eyebrows pushed together. Hypocrite? That wasn't true. She made decisions all the time, whether she wanted to or not. And how did this even relate to what was going on?

Laura wasn't going to give her time to protest, "the only decisions you make are the ones where you get to do the opposite of what you're supposed to. Like you're trying to prove a point to yourself or the world or whatever that no one controls you."

And there it was. A huge dose of the truth. 

"Just because you're making the decision doesn't mean you're taking control. Because whether you want to admit it or not, you're still being controlled. You do the opposite of what you're told to do even if that's not what you want to do."

At this point Laura wasn't sure she was making sense. She was so angry and talking so quickly, she wasn't sure the point she was trying to make was even understandable. 

"Go ahead. Break the rules just for the sake of breaking them. Don't give a second thought about what that means for other people or even yourself." Laura scoffed and shook her head, "I've never met anyone so hell bent on getting into trouble. So do whatever, just leave me out of it."

That was it. The end of her rant. Was it harsh? Yes. Was it true? Also yes.

Carmilla stood there silently. She was hurt, more than she thought she would be. Feelings were overrated, she knew that. So if that was true, why had Laura's words hurt hers so much?

Laura stood there, her stomach heavy, knowing her words had been true but also hurtful. Her insides twisted with the urge to apologize, but she wouldn't. Because she had meant what she said. 

So they stood there silently. Carmilla feeling the unfamiliar sting of tears fighting to appear. And Laura trying to ignore the clear look of hurt on Carmilla's face. 

After what felt like forever, Carmilla swallowed heavily, pushing down any emotion she might have been feeling, "let's go."

Laura looked confused for a split second before going back to the steely look directed at Carmilla, "we can't just walk out of here Carmilla."

"Yes." Carmilla clenched her jaw quickly, then made the effort not to sound angry, "we can."

She didn't wait for Laura to respond before she turned and started walking back down the hall to the door that lead to the main part of the station. 

Laura sighed, all the anger and guilt about what she said dropping off her shoulders, if only for a moment. "Well Anthony, good luck." 

With that she followed Carmilla slowly, not one hundred percent sure this wasn't another terrible idea. When she stepped back out into the station, there was an officer walking her way with a bag of her belongings. 

"Sorry about that." The officer nodded and handed her the bag.

Laura must have looked as confused as she felt because the officer had to jostle the bag again before she grabbed it. They had spent maybe 20 minutes in there, tops. According to every single crime show she had ever watched, that was a ridiculously quick experience. There had to be a catch.

She looked around, waiting for the moment where someone said- just kidding, you're going to prison! - but it never came. Instead the officer was just looking at her with a strange expression. 

"Is there, uh, something I can do to clear my name. I mean record, or whatever? I’ve just never done this.” She chuckled nervously, “Police stations, police in general I try to avoid.” Her eyes went wide, “Not that you’re not great, because, yay police! I just try to not have a reason for you guys to visit me.” 

The officer looked amused, "your friend didn't explain?"

"Explain?" Yeah, Laura was definitely going to do some research on how all this worked cause she felt like an idiot. A scared idiot. "Do I need to go to court? Or talk to a judge, put in an appeal?" She was running out of words that had to do with the law but honestly didn't care. She just didn't want this to be a giant black mark on her record.

The officer chuckled and pointed over his shoulder to the door. Carmilla was actually waiting for Laura, Laf and Perry both standing behind her. "There's nothing on your record. No charges were made, your friend took care of it. You're free to go."

"Really?" Laura was relieved, then what felt like heartbroken when she saw how sad Carmilla looked, yet was still waiting for her.

The officer nodded, hands on his belt, "it's like it never happened."

"Thanks." She still wasn't sure what _had_ happened, but she wasn't going to argue. 

Maybe Laf and Perry had bailed them out, or they all agreed it would be silly to send her to jail for riding a few old water slides. Whatever it was, she was beyond grateful she was leaving, and definitely going to pretend it never happened. 

Carmilla couldn't look at her. Laura was right, about everything. For as long as she could remember she had done things almost entirely to make her mother angry. Somewhere along the lines she forgot that's what it was about and just kept making choices she knew her mother wouldn't approve of without thinking.

She had thought it was so strange for Laura to just go along with everything when she had the chance to make her own decisions and do whatever it was she wanted. If she was being honest, she had been envious of the freedom. When it came down to it, even when Carmilla was making her own choices, she wasn't. And it took Laura calling her out to realize it. 

She had been so determined to do the opposite of what she was told to do, she wasn't even sure what it was she actually wanted to do. 

And that, was a terrifying realization. 

"Thank heavens you're ok." Perry pushed by Carmilla and pulled Laura into a hug. "You didn't drop the soap, did you?"

"What?" Laura actually chuckled, hugging Perry then pulling back. 

Perry looked over to Laf then back to Laura, "I don't actually know what that means but I've heard it's something you're not supposed to do."

"There was no soap involved." Laura chuckled before looking at Carmilla, her smile dropping. "Let's just get out of here."

Carmilla didn't seem as excited about leaving as Laura, but that was probably due to what she had said. Part of her was proud for saying it, sticking up for herself and everything. The other part of her was wishing she had stayed quiet long enough for Carmilla to tell her they could leave before she went on her rant. 

Carmilla turned and silently walked outside. She wasn't acting angry or happy, just completely closed off, silent. Going through the motions. 

Laf ran to catch up to her, leaving Perry and Laura walking slowly behind them, "so what happened?"

Carmilla glanced over then back to the ground in front of her as she took slow steps. She shrugged and shoved her hands in her pockets. "Nothing."

"Nothing?" Laf scoffed quietly, "you got arrested."

Carmilla sighed, "that was Laura's fault. When I explained the situation and made a few phone calls, it all got cleared up."

"So you explained it to Laura?" Laf asked, more relieved about not having to keep it to themselves anymore, "the whole Panthera, Karnstein stuff?"

Carmilla shook her head no. 

"I thought you said—"

"I tried." Carmilla cut them off harshly. She _had_ tried. Then Laura had basically ripped her apart and suddenly she didn't care to explain. Laura had already made up her mind, clearly, and Carmilla knew she was right. There was no point in explaining anymore. "Doesn't matter. Only a few more days then.. Who knows."

Laf could tell there was more going on, but they also knew Carmilla wasn't in the mood to share. She rarely was, especially with anyone besides Laura. "I still think you should tell—"

"Drop it." Carmilla nearly growled as they got to the car. 

What followed was the most awkward and tense silence any of them had ever experienced. They had 2 hours until they got to Grans, and it would probably be the longest two hours of all their lives. 

—

Carmilla hadn't put up a fight for shotgun even though Laura was driving. Instead, Laf sat up front, scanning radio stations as Laura drove through the dark canyon. Perry was sitting with perfect posture in the back seat, staring out the window instead of working on one of her many projects or sudoku puzzles and Carmilla was slumped against the door with her headphones in her ears. 

Her phone had died hours earlier that day, she just didn't want anyone to even attempt to talk to her. So when Laf and Laura started talking quietly, she could hear them without them knowing. 

"What happened?" Laf was whispering, glancing back at Carmilla. Seeing her watching out the window with headphones in satisfied their worry about her overhearing. 

"Honestly?" Laura shifted uncomfortably in her seat, "I'm not completely sure."

"Well last we saw you everything was fine. It was flirt city," Laf leaned closer to Laura, "and now it's like the polar ice caps. She hasn't been this upset since day one when she got ran over."

Laura sighed. “I may have said some things. But she didn't completely not deserve it.”

“Laura.” Lafontaine actually sounded disappointed. “Did you at least let her explain?”

Carmilla had been surprised by plenty of things on this trip. Laf being in her corner? That was definitely one of them.

Laura wasn't sure she had messed up, even if it sort of felt that way. She said some things maybe she shouldn't have, but they were true. “Well no.”

“Did she try?” Laf asked, actually curious themselves if Carmilla had made the effort before things blew up in her face.

“I don't know. Maybe. I think so.” Laura scrunched up her face, knowing she had completely talked over Carmilla more than once in an angry fit. “I may have interrupted her once or twice.”

Lafontaine sighed and sank back in their seat. So Carmilla had actually tried to come clean and Laura’s stubbornness got in the way. It made them feel kind of bad for Carmilla. And bad for Laura. They were both just stuck in this in-between place and neither of them were sure how to move forward. Made deciding who was at fault for the tension really quite difficult. 

"All I know is if you hadn't shown up and bailed us out I don't know what would have happened."

Laf looked over at her stunned, “wait- what?"

"Carmilla wasn't helping the situation. Flirting with every cop in sight and picking her way out of her handcuffs." Laura looked at Laf, "Seriously. She just shimmied right out of those things with no trouble. I'm surprised we got off as easily as we did."

"Laura, I didn't-"

"Oh crap." Laura cut them off with a groan. "We have to stop."

Perry was quick to lean forward between the seats, "What? No! We only have 40 miles left!"

The tension was killing her. She was done with the whispering, the heavy sighs, the perpetual frowning, and if she had to watch Carmilla try to secretly look at Laura while she wasn't looking one more time, she was going to pull her hair out.

“Trust me, I don’t want to stop either.” Laura started watching closer as they sped past signs. “We are out of gas. Like the light has been on for a while and I don’t think we will make it if we don’t stop.”

“Great.” Carmilla mumbled before turning and facing the window more.

“Wait,” Laura whispered to Laf, “Can she hear us?”

Laf sighed, this day could not end fast enough. “Just find a gas station so we can get to Grans. I need a break from all of you.”

“Even me?” Perry asked with a smile.

Laf turned around in their seat with a grin, “Never you.”

——

“I really cant accept a tip.” The girl behind the register was completely confused.

“I know its strange, but I’m trying to right a wrong.” Laura gave her an awkward smile and held out the cash.

“Look.” The girl leaned back and crossed her arms, popping her gum loudly, “I don’t know what kind of game this is, but this is a gas station.”

“No, I know, of course.” Laura set the cash on the counter, “I just, may have, definitely, stole a candy bar and cookies yesterday from a gas station in Texas and wanted to pay it back.”

“We are in Colorado.” 

“Right.” Laura chuckled despite being frustrated the girl just wast understanding. “Can I just, give you the extra and call it even?”

The girl looked at her blankly, popping her gum again, “No.”

“Oh.” Laura frowned, taking back her cash. That wasn't exactly how she pictured this going. It was a stupid idea in the first place. It wasn't even the same chain of gas station. “Alright. Thanks anyway.”

The whole purpose of her going inside the station and attempt to repay the debt no one even knew about was so she didn't have to stand around with Carmilla while they filled the car with gas. So when she walked out and everyone was still sitting where she had left them, she was less than happy.

She ignored the guy that walked through the door before her, he didn't bother to even attempt to keep  the door opened long enough for Laura to go through. Then was gross enough to look over his shoulder and give her a once over. It was beyond creepy. So she did what her father always taught her, be loud and make it clear you're not alone. 

“Guys!” Laura stomped towards the car, “what happened to filling up the tank?” It seemed to work cause the man walked over to his small black car at the pump across from theirs. 

Once she was almost to the car, all the other doors opened and everyone got out. Laf and Perry were looking at Carmilla like they were waiting for her to do something and Carmilla actually looked like a child that had just been scolded by their mother.

“What?” Laura looked around, “Whats going on?”

“Carmilla has something to say.” Perry was trying to encourage Carmilla but the pure look of disdain on her face told Laura it wasn't working.

"It's fine. She dissent have to say anything." Laura spat out quickly, walking away. Whatever Perry and Laf wanted Carmilla to say, Carmilla clearly didn't want to say it. "I'll get the gas."

"Laura wait." Carmilla followed her around the car to the pump. Laf and Perry were pushing, but Carmilla really did want to talk to her. "Can I just-"

"It's really ok." Laura spun around quickly. "Its fine."

Carmilla sighed. This girl never made anything easy. 

"Can we just, not, right now?" Laura already felt bad enough, she didn't want to say anything else she would regret, and she wasn't sure she was at a point where talking would be a good thing. 

"Are you ever going to let me explain?" Carmilla asked, exhaustion in her voice. It was more than just physical. Her heart ached. She wanted to fix things but didn't know how, but that didn't even matter because it seemed like Laura didn't even want to let her try. 

Laura was doing her best to avoid eye contact, trying to remove the gas cap but failing miserably. 

Carmilla stepped up and grabbed Laura's wrist and pulled it back gently, then reached for the cap and took it off. 

"Thanks." Laura whispered, her eyes still cast downward. 

Carmilla stood there for a moment, trying to decide what to do. "Just..." she sighed and ran a hand through her hair then just walked away. If Laura wasn't ready to talk, Carmilla wasn't going to force her.

Maybe it was a good thing Laura didn't want to talk. Right now, she would probably only make things worse. Telling Laura the truth meant admitting she hadn't before. Not exactly the best thing to convince her to forgive her. 

Laura's eyes finally looked up and followed Carmilla as she walked around the car and climbed in the drivers seat. By now Laura had noticed Carmilla only offered to drive when she needed a distraction. Maybe she should have heard her out, but now it was too late. And despite the twist in her gut, Laura was still frustrated with the entire thing. 

How had things gone so wrong? This was meant to be a fun road trip. College friends driving cross country to a new beginning. Then Carmilla crashed into their lives and it had been a whirlwind of excitement and trying new things and stepping outside of her comfort zone. Then something went wrong and it was breaking the law and getting arrested and nothing but trouble. 

It wasn't like Laura. What was it about Carmilla that blurred the lines so much? 

Apparently Carmilla wasn't the only one that needed a distraction. Laura's mind was racing a million miles a minute and she just really wanted to not think about anything. Just fill the car up with gas then its only 40 miles to bedtime.  

When she heard the whistle she was confused at first, everyone was already in the car. When she realized it was from the creepy guy at the next pump, she rolled her eyes. A quick glance over let her know he was in fact, whistling at her. He was leaning back against his car. Arms crossed over his chest and the creepiest smirk Laura had ever seen. 

She immediately looked away and walked over to the squeegee, if she had to stand there waiting for the tank to fill up she could at least wash the windows and ignore the idiot staring at her. 

She washed the passenger window, then moved to the one in back. Laf thought it was hilarious to squish their face against the inside of the window while Laura washed it. Then she walked around the car and started on the other rear one. Perry just smiled and pointed out places she had missed. Super helpful. 

She almost skipped the drivers window but when she looked inside and saw Carmilla staring very intently at the steering wheel, she decided just to do it quickly. Very quickly. 

While she was there she could see the guys reflection in the window still watching her. Creep. 

Then he wasn't standing there anymore. He was walking over. 

"Hey there pretty thing."

Ew.

Laura did her best to ignore him, praying for the tank to fill up quicker, then he was standing next to her and leaning against the drivers door. 

"Couldn't help but notice you over here and I just had to come over."

Laura leaned over the hood to finish washing the front window and saw Carmilla glaring at the guy. It made her chuckle, which gave the guy the impression she had laughed at him.

He went from attempting to flirt to angry in .02 seconds flat. 

"Something funny?" He stood up and stepped closer to Laura.

His slightly aggressive move caught Carmilla's attention and she sat straight up, watching Laura. She couldn't hear what they were saying, words muffled by the closed window but it was clear neither of them were happy. 

She saw Laura clench her fist and glanced around like she was looking for an exit route. Then Laura took another step back slowly when the guy leaned forward slightly and said something else. 

Carmilla was well aware that Laura could take care of herself, she could probably flatten the boy on his back without much effort if she really wanted to. Carmilla knew first hand Laura was stronger than she looked. And the mention that she had taken Krav Maga for years made it pretty clear she could hold her own in a fight if she needed to. 

She also knew that Laura liked to see the best in people and would rather give them the benefit of the doubt and risk hurting them.

Carmilla rolled her eyes at the whole thing. Laura was already mad at her, if she stepped in now, would that only make things worse? Then her eyes landed on the guys car and she couldn't believe what she saw. 

A long scratch along the side of the car, the same height as her motorcycle handlebars had been and the side view mirror broken.

"No way." She looked back to the guy then back to the car. "Hey Laf, does that car look familiar?"

Laf leaned forward, craning their neck to see the car, "um, maybe? There was a car we saw pulled over a few days ago- right before you crashed, actually." 

The look of realization on their face told Carmilla her initial thought was most likely true. That was the guy that had caused her to wreck. 

Then the guy took another step, this time essentially backing Laura into the car with no way out. The line had been crossed and everybody that saw knew it, and Laura was about to make a choice. 

Carmilla had already silently been hoping Laura would just kick the guy in the crotch or punch him in the throat, but watching the boy take a step closer and seeing the look on Laura's face while she decided what to do, Carmilla didn't have time to think before the words were leaving her mouth.  

"Brain."

"Yeah?" They were all watching what was happening at this point, "think we should do something?"

"Call the police."

"What?" Perry whispered shrilly, eyes wide and frown on her face.

"Tell them there's a guy here that was involved in a hit and run."

"This has been the craziest day." Laf was shaking their head smiling as they pulled out their phone. 

It was taking everything in Carmilla to stay in her seat now. What were the chances of this happening? Seriously. 

"Tell them to send an ambulance too." With that, Carmilla tapped her knuckles on the window, keeping her eyes on Laura. 

She watched Laura sigh with relief as the guy took a step back toward her window, giving Laura the chance to start making her way around the car. 

"An ambulance?" Laf asked, slightly confused as everyone was watching Carmilla closely to see what exactly she was going to do.

What happened next was equal parts awesome and surprising. 

"Hey gorgeous. You want some of this too?" The guy said, leaning down to peer through the window with a cocky expression. 

Just as he did, Carmilla opened the door as quickly and as hard as she could. Smashing it into his face. 

Everyone inside and outside of the car gasped as he flew back, hand flying to his face as he stumbled, then fell backwards onto the ground. 

"What the hell?!" He yelled, clearly trying not to cry. 

"Carm!" Laura froze at the front of the car, eyes wide.

Laf put the phone back to their ear, "yeah, an ambulance is a good idea."

Perry just looked horrified. 

Carmilla casually climbed out of the car and stood at the feet of the guy with an innocent look on her face. 

"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry." She shook her head, a faux look of concern on her face, "I completely invaded your personal space, didn't I? Did I make you uncomfortable?"

He slowly pushed himself up to a sitting position with one hand, the other still covering his face, "I think you broke my nose!"

Carmilla clicked her tongue, "Yeah, that doesn't look good." 

She walked to the front of the car where Laura was standing and took a paper towel Laura had been using to dry the squeegee from her hand then walked back towards the guy on the ground.  "You know, I remember being taught to respect other people's personal space. I guess I should've listened." She shrugged casually, "How about you?"

"What _about_ me?” He spat out angrily, his hand still covering his face, his eyes darting around like he was looking for something.

She crouched down, her weight on her toes, resting her elbows on her knees with the paper towel in her hand, offering it to the boy casually. 

"Did your mother teach you to respect other people's personal space?"

He just stared at her like he finally understood what she was saying. He had crossed a line with Laura and Carmilla was showing him, in an unorthodox way, that it was a mistake.

She patted his knee after he took the paper towel then stood up, "You might want to put some ice on that."

When Carmilla turned back towards the car, Laura didn't look angry anymore, but still stunned. Laf was standing at the trunk, jaw dropped and phone still to their ear. Perry who was standing next to them, actually made a joke. 

"A good soaking of club soda will get that blood out of your shirt."

"Woah." Laf chuckled, completely blown away by what had just happened. 

Carmilla shrugged, "What? He was blocking my door."

Everyone was still silently gaping, looking between Carmilla and the blubbering man on the ground. Laura wanted to be upset or something, but she was actually kind of impressed. 

It all looked more dramatic than it actually was and Carmilla had stepped up and helped her when she felt cornered. She hadn't completely murdered the guy, just possibly broke his nose, but he kind of deserved it. 

And to top it all off, she calmly gave him a lesson in respecting other people's personal space. It would have actually been quite funny if the guy wasn't still on the ground with a bloody nose. 

"I'm going to get some gummy bears, so... anybody want anything?" Carmilla raised her eyebrows in question. The only responses were blank stares and scoffs so she nodded and started walking towards the station. "Alright." She shrugged again,  "Laura could you clean my window again? Looks like his face left a mark."

From the ground everyone heard a muffled "Bitch."

Lafontaine couldn't hold it anymore and started laughing. "Today has been _wild_."

——

"This is crazy." Laura shook her head, watching Carmilla talk to the police officers across the lot, next to the ambulance still taking care of the guy Carmilla completely wrecked. "First we get arrested, then she assaults some random guy."

"He's not that random." Laf responded quickly. Laura wasn't wrong about the night being crazy, but every single thing that had happened had an explanation that made complete sense. 

Laura looked at them, a little surprised by their easy step to defend Carmilla, "And yesterday, the dine and dash."

"What dine and dash?" Perry asked, hands clasped in front of her, her attention also across the lot.

"At the gas station." Duh. Was Laura the only one paying attention to anything?

"Oh that." Laf was more curious about what Carmilla was saying to the police than Laura's clueless ranting. 

Laura was stilled stunned by the pairs nonchalance about the whole thing. "I can't let her spend 3 days with my family. This has been the worst idea possible. If you hadn't bailed is out—"

"We didn't bail you out." Perry answered quickly with a scolding tone. 

"Then who did?" Laura huffed. She was the epitome of confused. 

"Laura." Laf turned to face her,  "Are you being serious?"

"What?" Was she missing something?

"Just tell her." Perry sighed, exhausted with the entire day's events. 

Carmilla and Laf had filled Perry in while Laura had been attempting to 'tip' the cashier earlier. She hadn't made a promise not to say anything like Laf had. And enough was enough. 

"You didn't dine and dash." Laf reluctantly started to explain,  "Carmilla gave the kid 50 bucks and told me to act like the getaway car. You looked so excited, so I went along with it."

Perry was nodding, eager to explain further, "We didn't bail you out because Carmilla did. Her company owns the property we were on."

"Her company?" Apparently Laura had missed a lot. She _hadn't_ stolen from the gas station, and she _hadn't_  trespassed? what else was there she didn't know?

"Remember she said she bought and sold stuff?" Laf waited a second to let Laura's brain catch up, "The water park was one of them. The company she owns is the company that owns the park. Thats why there were no charges. Bailing you out wouldn't have done that."

"Wait, owns?" Laura was finally putting the pieces together but it was still a lot to process. 

 "And that guy?" Laf scoffed and pointed to the back of the ambulance where he was whining like a child still, "Made her wreck her motorcycle, could have killed her and then was threatening you. You think after everything she would just let that go?"

Laura looked over at him then to his car. They were right. That was the car they saw pulled over, then moments later watched as it pushed Carmilla off the road. It hadn't been about jealousy or territory or anything stupid. Carmilla was simply trying to protect her from someone who had already proved to be dangerous.

"And to be fair, she was the one that told me to call the cops and the ambulance." Laf chuckled. 

Now that the truth was out, it was easier to appreciate the hilarity in it all. Carmilla seemed like such a troublemaker without all the pieces but knowing the truth meant knowing she had severely overpaid for gas station cookies, snuck into her own property only to get caught and arrested out of a misunderstanding, then actually have the one in a million chance to get back at the guy who wrecked her motorcycle and didn't even slow down to see if she was okay. 

It was kind of amazing when they thought about it. 

After a couple minutes Laura finally broke her silence, "Why didn't she tell me?" 

It was a stupid question. When she thought about it, Carmilla had probably tried to tell her, more than once. And circumstance and stubbornness hadn't let it happen. 

"You haven't noticed how private she is?" Yep. It was really that simple and even Laf wasn't going to complicate it. "She may be an asshole but she obviously cares about what you think of her without this piece of information that I'm guessing has affected a lot of her relationships in the past. Romantic or otherwise."

"Oh." It really was that simple, and despite Laura thinking it was silly for Carmilla to worry about something like that, she understood. "I guess, I guess that makes sense."

When Laura looked back at Carmilla, she was already looking over at her. She was still talking to the cops, but her attention seemed pretty set on Laura. 

All of this just made the unsettled feeling in Laura's stomach worsen. She had basically yelled at Carmilla, and although what she said was true, she had only said it because she was angry. Angry about something she didn't even have to be angry about if she had only let Carmilla explain. It also hurt that Carmilla hadn't trusted her to be honest with her from the beginning. 

"I feel awful." Laura sank further back against the car. 

"Why? Your face isn't the one that got smashed into a car window." Laf snickered, looking to the girls on either side of them for a reaction. 

Perry just shook her head, "I think we should make sure we are ready to go as soon as Carmilla is done. It's getting late and we should have been to Grans hours ago."

Laura pushed herself off the car slowly, "I'll give her a call and let her know we won't be in till late and not to wait up."

When Laura got back from making her call, the police had left, along with the ambulance. The black car was gone and the creep with the broken face was nowhere to be seen. 

Everyone went quiet as Laura walked up. At least it seemed like Laura wasn't the only one unsure how to act. 

On the one hand, not too long ago she had been beyond angry at Carmilla. And on the other, she was pretty sure she felt more hurt about not being trusted and being lied too this whole time. 

Carmilla's money or business or whatever it was wouldn't have changed how she felt about her. But it made her feel like she hadn't really gotten to know Carmilla at all. This girl Laura was pretty sure she was falling for, felt like a stranger again. 

"We should go." Laura shrugged a shoulder then realized she hadn't even asked how it went with the police, "everything work out with...?" She brought her hand up and pointed to her nose to indicate she was talking about the incident. 

Carmilla shoved her hands in her pockets, her shoulders stiff as she rocked on her feet and nodded, "I uh, told them to talk to my lawyer."

"You have a lawyer." Laura scoffed without thinking, "of course." 

She knew it wasn't really an important thing to know about someone, but the comment only reminded her how little she actually knew about Carmilla. She owned a company Had a Lawyer on speed dial. What next? Was she secretly royalty too?  Now the twist in her gut could have been frustration at Carmilla, or herself. 

"Alright!" Laf clapped their hands, "I'll drive!"

Carmilla just sighed when Laura spun around quickly and took shotgun, ensuring they wouldn't be sharing a seat for the rest of the drive. 

When she imagined how this day was going to turn out, it wasn't anything like this. She was going to tell Laura everything, tell her she cared about her, make that effort.. Then it all went to hell.

Now she didn't know where she stood. Was Laura still mad? Could she forgive her for not telling her everything before now? 

Keeping things to herself to see if Laura could like her for who she was had turned out to be the worst idea ever. Now Laura knew everything, and couldn't even look at her. 

——

Laura had been staring out the window since they left the gas station. Laf had attempted to hold conversations and keep things light but everyone was too tired to keep it up. It was well past sundown, and it had been an extremely long day. Pretty soon silence settled around the car, the only sound was the tires on the road. It was too dark to watch the landscape, light coming from lampposts stretched out on the highway, illuminating lines on the road as they sped by.

When she finally saw the turn off that led to the ranch, she let out a breath of relief. 

She just needed to sleep. Tomorrow would be a new day and she could figure out her feelings then. Right now everything was just bubbling on the surface and being exhausted was only making it worse. 

"We're here." Laf turned onto a dirt road, slowing their speed as they rolled over bumps along the winding driveway. 

They came to a stop in front of the house, in line with a bunch of other cars parked on the dirt drive. In the dark there wasn't much to see, it looked like any other house. Carmilla was the last out of the car, not sure how this was going to go.  They had been sharing a bed for a week now, except this felt different. This wasn't a roadside motel, and she had family here. They may not even be in the same room for all she knew.

What she did know was there was an elderly woman in a big fluffy robe running towards them with her arms open wide and a very tall woman following right behind her.

“Laura bear!”

“Gran!” Laura instantly perked up the second she was enveloped in a hug.

There was a whole string of them. Hugs. Carmilla was more than happy to grab bags from the trunk instead of participate. Then Laura was hugging someone other than Gran and she couldnt help but pay attention.

“Took you guys long enough to get here, Hollis.”

It was like watching a giraffe try to hug a puppy. It had be be uncomfortable. And what was with Laura? Did she just collect red heads?

Laura laughed, “yeah, sorry. We took a few detours.” She left out the part about the jail time and assault. There just wasn't enough time to explain and she really wanted to go to bed.

“And picked up a stray?”

Laura spun around to Carmilla standing near the car still, all the bags at her feet. “Right, Danny, this is Carmilla. Carmilla this is Danny.”

“So this is a Danny.” Carmilla looked her up and down, seemingly unimpressed.

Danny chuckled awkwardly, “Yep, I’m Laura’s Danny.”

 _Lauras_ Danny? Yeah, Carmilla wasn’t a fan.

“So are we going to sleep in the driveway or…” Carmilla grabbed Laura’s bag and slung it over her shoulder before grabbing her own.

“Well isn't she spunky.” Grans smile hadn't faltered a bit, instead she immediately stepped up next to Carmilla and wrapped her arm around her shoulder tightly. “Lets get you inside for some beauty rest, hmm?”

The action threw Carmilla off and her snarky appearance shifted to slightly uncomfortable. But she followed her anyway, checking over her shoulder to make sure everyone else was following.

Overhearing whispered conversations as they entered the house, Carmilla felt like the odd one out. 

"I told Gran you guys didn't have to wait up." Laura whispered in her non whisper voice, "it's almost midnight, you must be so tired." 

"I wanted to." Danny smiled warmly down at Laura, "it been too long to not want to catch up the moment it was possible."

Carmilla happened to catch the shy duck of Laura's head and the ruck of her hair behind her ear. Usually its Carmilla eliciting that response. Apparently not anymore.

Timing couldn't have been worse. Everything was finally out in the open, for the most part, and Laura still hadn't said more than two words to her. And now she had a giant red head making her blush and probably making her forget all about Carmilla. 

If she hadn't messed everything up that day, then it could have been Carmilla making Laura blush and the ginger giant feeling like she was interrupting. Not the other way around. 

"Since y'all are the last to arrive, you don't get much say in bedrooms and I'm afraid only one of you will have one to yourself." Gran was walking up a large wooden staircase, "the kids are all packed in the play room at the end of the hall in sleeping bags. The stable apartment is full, and the downstairs rooms too."

Carmilla wasn't sure who Gran was talking to, or where she was going, but she would pay attention if I meant not having to listen to Danny and Laura catching up. She followed as Gran kept walking down a hallway once they were up the stairs. Now that they were inside, the house seemed much larger than she originally thought. 

Then Gran stopped at a doorway, leaned in and flipped on a light. "This room is free."

Laf immediately pushed their way through the door and fell onto the bed, "Dibs!"

"I guess we'll take this one." Perry whispered, giving Gran a hug then turning to Laura and Danny. "We will see you at breakfast. And it's nice to see you again, Danny."

Carmilla rolled her eyes. Did everyone love Danny? Who was this girl, anyway? 

"Alright girls, this is the other one." Gran took a few more steps down the hall to the next door and flipped the light on, same as the last. Then she winked at Carmilla leaning closer to whisper, "this beds more comfortable than the last."

Okay, Carmilla couldn't help it. She totally liked Gran and she had barely met the woman. 

Carmilla thanked Gran quietly and walked in the room, bags still in hand. She set them up on the bed then turned back towards the door. Laura was standing there awkwardly like she wasn't sure what to do. 

Gran must have caught on to the weird energy cause she just smiled knowingly then hugged Laura, "good night loves. See you at breakfast."

As soon as she left it was a game of waiting. What was Laura going to do?

Waiting didn't last long because almost immediately Danny nudged Laura, "our room is down the hall."

"Our- oh, our room?" Laura looked at Carmilla right away upon Danny's announcement. "Right, yeah."

Carmilla would have felt relieved, it was the first time Laura had really looked at her since they had arrived and she didn't look angry, but it came with the added knowledge that the decision had been made. 

Laura wouldn't be sleeping next to her. 

"Yeah, I figured we could catch up better that way." Danny smiled, beautiful and kind and absolutely excited to be near Laura again. "It'll be like college again. Remember all the attempted all nighters?"

Laura chuckled quietly, looking back to Danny, "even with an endless supply of sugar I could never make it all night."

It was strange. She had been so excited to see Danny when this trip started. It had always been bad timing with them, and this could be a real chance to see what could happen when they were on the same page. Except...

As warm and familiar as it felt to be around Danny again, she couldn't help but feel torn. Even with everything that had happened that day, it felt weird knowing she wouldn't be in the same room as Carmilla that night.

"Is that ok, Carm?" She wasn't sure why she was asking. She was supposed to be angry or hurt or something. Wasn't she?

Carmilla's eyes widened like she was stunned by Laura's words. 

"She won't mind." Danny smiled, "right?"

Carmilla was sure it was all in her head but it sounded like a challenge. "Right." She responded flatly, trying desperately to hide her disappointment. "Do what you want."

"Um, ok." Laura turned to Danny, "give me a minute?"

"Sure Hollis. I'll warm up some hot chocolate and steal some cookies from the kitchen." Danny lingered a second before walking away, leaving laura standing in the doorway alone.

"You sure it's ok?" Laura asked timidly. She wasn't sure what answer she was hoping for. 

The letter of the day was C. For Confused. 

"Why wouldn't it be ok?" Carmilla was a master of deflection. Which was working for her right now. Because she _didn't_ want Laura to leave. She had gotten used to sharing a bed with her, being near her, not having to open her eyes to know she was there. And even though she knew she didn't deserve it right then, she wanted Laura to continue to be close to her.

"I don't know." Laura shrugged, stepping further into the room, "it's a strangers house?"

"Not the first time I've used a strangers bed before." Wrong thing to say Karnstein. Just like she was a master of deflection, she was a master as self sabotage too. 

"Wow." Laura scoffed, "okay. Excuse me for trying to consider your feelings."

Ok Karnstein, fix this. 

"Feelings are overrated. Good or bad. They either make you make stupid choices for the sake of someone else, hurt you or leave you confused." God she was an idiot when she was hurt. Was this even about the bedroom anymore? "I don't see the point in it. If I don't feel, I don't care, then nothing really matters. You can make your own choices and it won’t affect me at all. Whatever you do, i’ll be fine because I didn’t care to begin with."

_Lie. Lie, lie, lie._

Laura exhaled sharply. What do you say to something like that? Anyone else would have gotten defensive or mad, but all Laura could think was, "You don't believe that. Not really." 

And she was right. Carmilla _didn't_ believe that. And the reason she didn't, was Laura. 

"You think you're being brave by pretending not to care, avoiding it. But you're not. You're being a coward." Laura quickly grabbed her bag and left, closing the door behind her. 

It was painfully obvious this was about more than whether Carmilla would mind Laura sharing a room with Danny or not. It was about Carmilla keeping walls up because she was scared. It was about Laura feeling betrayed. It was about a lifetime worth of feeling used. It was about letting someone in and really caring about them only to feel like you don't know them at all. It was about finding someone that was incredible and beautiful and unlike anyone she had met before and then watching her walk away. It was about feeling lied to and not trusted.

It was about falling in love and being terrified by it.

It was about pushing Laura away before Laura was the one doing the pushing, thinking it would make it hurt less. 

It was stupid. Because both she and Laura knew she was lying. 

She didn't avoid feeling. She took it all in. She held it tightly to her chest, letting it seep within her cracks so it wouldn't be a weight on someone else. She held not only the world in her arms, but the universe on her shoulders. 

She made it look like wings. Wings that lifted her above everything- above feeling, above caring. When really the wings carried her closer to her own despair. Like Icarus and the sun. What looked like freedom to others, was the searing pain of melting wax on her skin as she pushed herself closer to the sun and further from those she cared about. Just so they wouldn’t feel the lingering sting of fire and wax that etched scars across delicate skin.

She wasn't immune to caring. In fact, she often cared too much. She had only mastered the art of pretending she was above it.  

Until Laura. 

——

 

_Day 8_

_Finally made it to Grans. I'll have to write the whole story when I'm less tired. Today was a doozy._

  
_I thought things were so different. After today I don't know what to think.  
__Even though Danny is right here... And all I can think about it the girl down the hall._

_I thought she might feel the same way, but after today, I don't know anymore. I guess I never really did, though._


	12. Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day at Grans...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its long... but hopefully worth it...  
> And I really enjoy your comments/reactions, so keep sharing them :)

If the night before had been her easiest sleep in a while, this was definitely her hardest. 

It didn't make sense. 

Most of this trip she had wished for a bed she didn't have to share. A room she could have to herself. Sleeping with other people wasn't on her list of things she liked. 

And yet... The only explanation she could come up with for laying sleepless for the last 2 hours was that Laura wasn't there. She had gotten used to her sleepy sighs, her constant shifting and tendency to steal the sheet and kick off the comforter completely. Laying there in silence without the warmth of Laura's hand in hers felt strange. 

Gran was right, the mattress _was_ incredible. But Carmilla got the idea a mattress made of clouds wouldn't help her sleep right now. 

So at 2 in the morning she climbed out of bed and left her room. Bare feet padding down the hallway silently, the coolness of hardwood under her feet feeling surprisingly good. Navigating her way through a house she had never been in was proving to be quite difficult. Especially with all the lights off. 

After adventuring through more than a couple doorways and not finding what she was looking for, Carmilla started to wonder how but the house actually was.  

It reminded her of her own home in some ways. Making her way down the long hallways and giant staircases in the middle of the night. Dodging the light that bled from her mothers office across the hallway. Timing it perfectly to sneak past the kitchen staff without being seen.  

Only something about this house seemed warmer. Even in the dark. It smelled different, moonlight broke through the windows differently, there were creaky floorboards and not in the creepy, scary way. The house felt lived in, not like a museum like her own had. 

"Fuck, shit, gah!" Carmilla started hopping on one foot, grabbing her other that had just slammed into the corner of a doorway. 

"Language."

Carmilla spun around at the sound of a whisper, her eyes squinting in an effort to see who was there. 

 "You really don't want to wake everyone."

 "Red?" Carmilla took a few limping steps into the room. 

 "I think you're going to have to be more creative with your nicknames now that there are three of us that could answer to that one." Perry opened the fridge, the light illuminating the room enough for Carmilla to make her way to the counter. 

"Good point." Carmilla lifted herself to sit on the counter, pulling her foot up and rubbing where she had kicked the wall.  

"Cereal?" Perry asked, pulling the milk from the fridge.  

Carmilla watched her for a moment before nodding, "sure." 

It was clear Perry had been here before with the way she moved around the kitchen. Unless automatically knowing the layout of kitchens was some mostly useless superpower she had.  

Pretty soon Perry had two bowls full of choco-crunch on the table and was waving Carmilla over. "Can't sleep?"

"Why would you say that?" Carmilla sat down at the long table, "I'm sleeping right now."

Perry ignored her, taking a bite of cereal with a smile and letting it fall silent.  

After that it was all crunching cereal and slurping milk from spoons. Carmilla started to eat more dramatically, wanting to see how long Perry could go without saying something. Taking huge bites, crunching loudly and slurping even louder. Instead of commenting though, Perry started doing the same thing.  

Much to her own dismay, Carmilla cracked first, "aren't you usually more of a bran and fiber cereal person?" 

Perry smiled as she lifted her bowl to her mouth and slurped the remaining milk loudly. 

"What are you doing up anyway?" Carmilla asked, actually smiling. 

"Are we talking without sarcasm now?" Perry asked, dabbing her mouth gently with a napkin. She may have played Carmilla's game and ate extremely sloppily but she wasn't about to let a milk mustache stay on her face.  

"Alright, I get it." Carmilla lifted her own bowl, finishing it off quietly. 

"Lafontaine snores." Perry answered matter of factly. "And I wanted to get some of the good cereal before it's gone. Laura's family has a thing for chocolate. It'll be gone quickly." 

"So it runs in the family." Carmilla chuckled.  

"Why are you up?" Perry grabbed her own dish and Carmilla's and took them to the sink.  

Carmilla spun around on the long bench and leaned back, elbows up on the table, "same." 

"You can hear Lafontaine snoring?" Perry asked innocently. 

Carmilla shrugged then looked down at her lap. Maybe Perry was the perfect person to talk to about everything. She was less likely to make fun of her and more likely to have actual advice. Then it donned on her that this might be the best time to find out who Danny was and try to figure out where that left her with Laura.  

"So this Danny." Carmilla cleared her throat, "you guys known her for a while?" Carmilla cringed at how desperate her voice sounded, then felt even worse when she saw Perry's sympathetic smile. 

"A little while, yes." Perry was scrubbing a bowl with a sponge. "Is that why you can't sleep?" 

"Is what why?" Carmilla managed to sound casual.  

"Danny and Laura." Perry rinsed the bowl then picked up the other one. 

"It's not like that." Carmilla scoffed, shifting on the bench and looking around the kitchen. A moment passed and she let out a sigh, "does she hate me?" 

"Isn't that something you should ask Laura?"  

The reason Carmilla decided to talk with Perry was for her level headed approach, but it was actually kind of annoying in this moment. 

Carmilla huffed and leaned forward, leaning her elbows on her knees and dropping her face in her hands. "Well she yelled at me before going to bed with Danny so I think that's my answer." 

Perry had dried the dishes and was stacking them back in the cupboard while she thought things over. She didn't really want to get in the middle for more than one reason. She wasn't sure herself what Laura was thinking, plus she really liked Danny. Adding Danny to the dynamic was going to change things, but Perry wasn't sure how. 

"I don't think what you think is happening is happening."

"What?" Carmilla lifted her head. "What do I think is happening?"

Perry sighed uncomfortably, "you know." 

"No. I don't know." Carmilla sat up, "enlighten me." 

Perry twisted her lips to the side then clicked her tongue, "I have eyes you know. And I also know there hasn't been much alone time for any of us. So if you were hoping something would happen- and now you're worried it's happening without you- I'm just saying I don't think you need to worry about that." 

She had witnessed the looks between Carmilla and Laura, and as far as she knew nothing but flirting had happened. She also knew the history Laura and Danny had and what Laura had thought might happen when they caught up with each other this trip. She had also seen Carmilla leave a hotel room with another girl. When it came down to it, she liked both Carmilla and Danny and wasn't sure who to root for. 

 She really was just trying to be helpful without picking a side. 

 "You think I was expecting..." Carmilla shook her head, "no, you don't get it. I want to sleep with her, not fuck her." 

 Perry looked sheepish from her previous comment but didn't say anything. Carmilla was staring at the ground like she was realizing something for the first time. Perry hadn't expected her to elaborate, so when she did, Perry just stood there. Not only stunned by Carmilla's willingness to talk, but the words she was saying.

"I want to lay next to her, and hold her hand. I want to listen to her breathing. Catch the sight of her chest rising and falling out of the corner of my eye. I want to brush my thumb against the back of her hand and feel the pace of her pulse in her wrist. Speeding up slightly when she feels me shift closer, then slow when she nears sleep. I want to smell her hair and breath her in. I want to inch closer to her as we inch closer to sleep. I want the last thing i see to be her lips, the crease in the corner turned up slightly as sleep finally overwhelms her. I want the last thing I hear to be her sigh as she relaxes in my arms. I want to fall asleep, everything about her taking over every one of my senses. The feel of her fingers intertwined with mine or her back pressed against my body. The sound of our breathing matching pace. The smell of her hair, the taste of her skin, her lips, on my tongue. I want to sleep without dreaming, because the reality of her in my arms is better than anything I could make up in my head."

As soon as Carmilla finished talking she shook her head, mostly to herself and stood up. "I need to fix this."

The words had come without much thought and it wasn't till she had finished talking that she understood what it meant. Their first night together- she chose to walk around a strange town all night rather than sleep next to Laura. Now, its all she wanted. And for her to admit that was important. Because for Carmilla, sleep was intimate. More intimate than any kind of physical relationship. It meant letting go completely and trusting someone, and ultimately trusting herself.  

She just had to figure out a way to get Laura to trust her again.  

She was almost out the door when Perry stopped her.  

"Carmilla?" 

Carmilla spun around to look at her.  

"With Laura," Perry smiled, this time more encouraging, "It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than tell them you're hurt." 

What? After that speech? She was totally team Carmilla now. 

\----

"Oh my gosh!" Laura was deliriously laughing at this point. She had taken to ducking into her pillow in an effort to be quiet. "I had to wash my hair 5 times to get the fish smell out!"

"You were fearless that night," Danny laughed, dropping into her back on the bed, "it was amazing." 

The laugher slowly died down and they both yawned. When Laura looked at the clock she couldn't believe how late it was.  

"It's been two hours." Laura tossed the pillow towards Danny, uncrossed her legs and slid off the bed. "If I don't get some serious sleep I'll be useless tomorrow."

"Maybe you just need more cookies." Danny tossed the pillow back and scooted back to sit up against the headboard. 

"I don't think it would help." Laura chuckled and started sorting through her suitcase. "Besides, if I don't get to sleep soon there's no way I'll wake up in time to get any of the good cereal in the morning." 

She grabbed her pajamas and started heading to the door.  

"Your family really can eat." Danny commented, "you weren't here for dinner." 

Laura smiled over her shoulder before turning back to the door.  

She really was still stuck in a land of confusion. Talking to Danny again was great. It was nice, and even with having not seen her for a while, things fell back into place so easily. Danny was funny, beautiful, and Laura had been excited from day one to see her again. But as fun as the last two hours had been, she couldn't help but feel like something was off. Different. Even is she wasn't sure what.  

It was after she was already a few steps down the dark hallway that she heard a floorboard creek and looked up, her footsteps stopping immediately. It looked like Carmilla was watching the floor as she walked and Laura thought for a second that maybe she would go unseen. She didn't. 

Carmilla got to her bedroom door and stopped with her hand on the doorknob, looking up and directly at Laura. 

Laura swallowed heavily, unsure what to do. She still wasn't sure what to say about everything that happened earlier. Feeling hurt, upset, angry, guilty. Then add the last two hours she had spent with Danny and it could add confused to the list.  

She knew they needed to talk. She just wasn't sure she was ready. And she was beyond tired. She offered a quick smile then hurried towards the bathroom. Halfway through the doorway she paused, one hand on the frame, and turned.

Carmilla was still standing there and as soon as Laura made eye contact with her, Carmilla smiled. 

It was small, and clearly tired, but genuine.  

Laura immediately felt relieved. She hadn't realized how worried she was about how she had left things with Carmilla till then. She offered a smile back, lifting her fingers from the doorframe in a small wave then watched Carmilla disappear into her bedroom silently.   

She wanted to talk to Carmilla. She really did. She wanted to give her the chance to explain and try to see things from her side but she needed to be sure she was actually ready to listen first so things didn't get worse. 

Because maybe Carmilla wasn't as bad as Laura had convinced herself.  

\---- 

_*crunch* *crunch* *crunch*_

Carmilla squeezed her eyes closed tighter and shifted under the covers. The room was warm, almost uncomfortably so, and even without opening her eyes she could tell the sun was fighting to light up the room. 

 _*crunch* *crunch* *crunch*_  

She sighed in frustration, knowing despite her distaste in the situation, she wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep. She rolled from her stomach to her back, her limbs hitting the mattress hard.  

_*crunch* *crunch* *slurp*_

It wasn't until the slurp that Carmilla registered the noises and realized she wasn't alone. Hey eyes opened immediately and she sat up quickly, holding herself up on her elbows.  

"Who the hell are you?" She blinked quickly, trying to rid herself of the tired blurriness in her eyes.  

 _*crunch* *crunch*_  "I'm Emory." _*crunch* *crunch*_ "and my mom says that's a bad word." _*slurp*_

Carmilla just looked at her with an arched eyebrow. She couldn't be any older than 6 or 7. Messy dirty blonde hair, big brown eyes, pajamas with icecream cones on them, standing at the foot of her bed. Holding a bowl wrapped in one arm against her chest, her other hand holding a spoon like a shovel, milk dribbling down her chin and chocolate sticking to the corners of her mouth.  

After a moment, Carmilla glanced towards the bowl, "Is that choco crunch?" 

Emory nodded, taking another sloppy bite, then talking with her mouth full. "I got the last bowl." She smiled proudly, more milk dripping down her chin.  

Carmilla sat up the rest of the way, "want to make a trade?" 

Emory swallowed her bite and looked down at her bowl then up at Carmilla. "What will you trade me?" 

\----

Laura nearly ran down the stairs, Danny close behind. She hadn't been wrong the night before about it being hard to wake up. When they ran through the doorway to the kitchen and saw the long table already mostly full, she immediately made her way to the cupboard.  

"Are you serious?!" Laura spun around, socks on hardwood, and shook the empty box of choco crunch.  

The entire family snickered.  

The anniversary celebration was bigger than Laura had explained to Carmilla. The table in the kitchen was huge, and the benches that lined it were full with people elbow to elbow. The kitchen itself was pretty big, but with as many cousins, aunts and uncles that were there, it seemed tiny.  

Laura's mom had 4 sisters. All of which were married with a range of 3-5 kids each. Every single one of them were in attendance. The youngest still in diapers, and Laura rounding off the group of grandkids as the oldest.  

"You snooze you loose Laura bear." Gran patted Laura on the head then went to the fridge, "I can make you some eggs? Or a nice green smoothie! I've heard kale is all the rage these days. I can't stand the stuff, though. Too healthy." 

Laura shook her head as she tossed the empty box in the trash. "Do you even have kale in there grandma?" 

"Of course not!" Gran shut the fridge, "but I can send your grandpa to get some."

Laura laughed, "no that's really ok."

Danny handed Laura an empty bowl, "Looks like we get the Raisin Bran or Wheaties like Laf and Perry." 

"Perry, you didn't get up early enough for the good stuff?" Laura walked up behind one of her cousins and started tickling him in the side until he scooted over with a screech.  

"Oh I did." Perry smiled as she ate a piece of toast. 

"Apparently she got up in the middle of the night to steal her bowl." Laf frowned as they took a bite of some kind of bran cereal.  

Danny sat next to Laura on the very edge of the bench and chuckled, "why doesn't Gran get more than one box of the good stuff?" 

Gran walked over with the milk, setting it on the table with a proud grin, "because the race for the good stuff is better than an alarm clock." 

The fact that almost every single  member of the family was up and in the kitchen was proof that the statement was true.  

Gran nodded to the bowls in front of Danny and Laura and smiled, "I could still send for kale."

Laura just laughed, "this is fine. But you better believe we will be the first up tomorrow for the good stuff." 

"I'll believe it when I see it." Gran winked then turned towards the sound of a bowl falling to the ground. She walked away quickly, "Tommy! You break one more of my bowls and I'll make you eat from a trough like the horses!"  

There was a response of "it was matts fault!" Then an eruption of laughter.  

Matt was the dog, who was asleep on the floor in the corner.  

Laura was ready to dive into her bowl of non chocolate cereal when her aunt Becky leaned forward and looked down the table at her, "Laura, did Emory find you? She wanted to wake you up."

Laura shook her head no, then her eyes went wide as she quickly looked around the room, "has anyone seen Carmilla?"

If Emory had been looking for her, there's a chance she could have wandered into the room Carmilla was in. After the day at the planetarium, Laura knew that would most likely be a terrible thing. Carmilla and kids weren't exactly a good match. Waking up to one? Laura couldn't even imagine.  

"I'm sure Carmilla is fine." Danny was the first to answer absentmindedly before looking across the table at Laf, "I hear you're some big shot scientist now?" 

Laura wasn't worried about Carmilla being fine. She was worried about Emory being fine if she woke Carmilla up.

"The biggest." Laf grinned, "actually, I've been working on a formula that could change the way we treat certain diseases. Less toxicity in the heavy medications with just as good results in treatment." 

"Woah." Danny raised her hand for a high five, "that's a big step up from running tests on the food in the cafeteria."

"Hey," Laf chuckled as they slapped her hand, "some of that stuff was questionable. Right L?"

Laura was stirring her cereal and had completely missed the entire conversation. She looked up and between Laf and Danny before nodding not very convincingly, "right, yeah." 

"Do you want my other piece of toast?" Perry asked, looking at the bowl of cereal getting soggier the longer Laura ignored it.  

"Uh no," she stood up and climbed over the bench, "I'll be back. Watch my breakfast?"

"Watch it what?" Laf asked, "turn to mush?"

Danny reached over and grabbed Laura's forearm and gave it a squeeze, "I got it."

It was refreshing to have someone that didn't always respond with sarcasm or a joke. 

"Great. Thanks." Laura was out of the kitchen as quickly as possible and headed for the other side of the house. 

She had to find Emory before Emory found Carmilla.  

"Emory?" Laura ducked into every bedroom on the main level of the house, no luck. She made her way to the stairs and ran up them whispering her name. The door to Laf and Perry's room was open, when she looked in it was obvious Emory wasn't there. And the next room? Carmilla's.  

The door was shut all the way which meant looking inside wasn't going to be easy.  

Laura took a deep breath and blew it out slowly as she put her hand on the doorknob. She twisted it slowly, wincing when it clicked- it wasn't loud, but on the off chance Carmilla was still asleep, she didn't want to wake her up. 

Laura leaned over so her face was at the same level as the doorknob. The door was just barely cracked as she whispered, "Emory? Are you in there?" 

She actually managed to whisper quietly. 

She couldn't see, the crack was too small, but she was positive she heard giggling. And... Crunching?

She opened the door wider, as soon as she could see in the room she stood up straight with a shocked expression.  

"Shit?" The voice was quiet and clearly not Carmilla's.

"Emory?!" Laura gasped and stomped into the room.  

Carmilla was in the middle of taking a bite of cereal when Laura stormed in. Her spoon stalled in front of her mouth, pieces of cereal falling back into the bowl from her spoon, mouth open. 

"Cupcake." She lowered the spoon back into the bowl and leaned back against the headboard. She was still in bed, covers up to her lap and bowl in her hand while Emory sat cross legged at the foot of the bed.  

Laura was initially shocked at Emory, her little 6 year old cousin saying 'shit', but now the image of the two of them sitting together was just as shocking.

"What is even going on- wait." Laura took a few steps into the room and pointed at the bowl in her hands, "how did you get choco crunch?"

"I traded her!" Emory bounced from her spot, up onto her knees. Her small hands gripped onto the footboard as she bounced a few more times. 

"We talked about this squirt." Carmilla raised at eyebrow at Emory and she immediately stopped bouncing, but with a smile. 

Laura watched the exchange with a confused expression before she turned to Emory, "traded her what, exactly?"

"My cereal." Emory laughed and pointed at it sitting in Carmilla's hands. 

Carmilla raised the bowl like it was proof then took another bite. 

"And what did Carmilla give you?" Laura asked, already sure she wasn't going to like the answer. The smirk on Carmilla's face as she took another bite let Laura know she was right. 

"She's teaching me swears!" 

"She's what?!" Laura as all wide eyes and gaping mouth. "You're teaching her how to swear?!" 

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Chocolate cereal for swear words. It was the easiest exchange of her life. But the look on Laura's face was telling her otherwise. 

"I may have volunteered to expand her vocabulary." 

Laura huffed, "Carm. Seriously?"  

Carmilla shrugged a shoulder, "it's educational?"

Laura took a deep breath and looked from Carmilla's neutral expression to Emory's look of delight. This was beyond weird. "I honestly don't know what to say."

"You can say damn." Emory grinned, "it's like when gran says darn or dang."

Laura couldn't help but chuckle at Emory's response before forcing herself to hold a serious expression as she looked back up at Carmilla. "Stop teaching her to swear." She looked back at Emory, "and you. Get downstairs, now." 

Emory giggled and in an effort not to smile at her, Laura spun around and walked back out the door. 

Carmilla moved her feet under the sheet, poking her foot into Emory's leg to get her attention. "She seem mad to you?"

Emory scrunched up her face, twisting her tips to the side like she was thinking. Then after a beat her smile was back as she replied, "shit yes!"

 Carmilla chuckled, "it's hell. Hell yes."

 "Oh." Emory tilted her head to the side like she was thinking about it. "Then, hell yes."

 Well, she got the wording right, but it wasn't exactly the encouragement she needed. Carmilla was supposed to be fixing things, not making them worse. 

 "Alright kid, get out of here." Carmilla kicked her feet again, pushing Emory towards the edge of the bed. 

 "Byeeee!" Emory hopped off the bed and skipped out the door. 

 Carmilla shook her head then took another bite of cereal. This was going to be harder than she thought. 

——

Carmilla had wandered through the house a bit, which for as big as it was, turned out to be mostly empty. Following voices led her back to the kitchen, which looked bigger in the daylight.

“You missed breakfast.”

Carmilla spun around to Gran standing in the doorway with a smile on her face. She looked just as happy as she did the night before. It was what Carmilla pictures Laura would be like when she got older. All smiles,  and fast talking that only made sense if you really, really paid attention.

“Right, yeah.” Carmilla swallowed heavily, wishing the room wasn't completely empty except for them, “Emory, actually brought me something.”

“hmm.” Gran narrowed her eyes, studying Carmilla for a second before striding by her to the cupboards by the sink. “I suspect you two will be thick as thieves before you leave here. She's a troublemaker that one.”

Carmilla watched her pulling cups down and setting them on the counter, “Troublemaker? What makes you think I’m—“

“Oh please honey.” Gran didn't even bother turning around, “I can spot your type a mile away.” She spun around, crossing her arms over her chest with a smirk almost as good as Carmilla’s. “I heard you really smashed that guys face last night.”

Carmilla was caught off guard with that one. She had barely had enough time to eat a stolen breakfast and get ready and Laura’s grandma already knew the most questionable thing she had done since meeting her granddaughter. 

“He really smashed my motorcycle.” Carmilla shrugged. No point in hiding the truth. At this point, she knew it was probably impossible to turn around whatever Gran thought of her. And with Laura most likely still upset with her, she wasn't sure it mattered anyway.

“I like you.” Gan chuckled and started pouring lemonade in the cups.

“What?” Carmilla was honestly shocked.

“Now do me a favor.” She started placing the cups on a serving tray then picked it up off the counter top. “Take these outside to my girls.”

“Uh, ok?” Carmilla was still a little stunned that the conversation had basically gone— you broke a guys face and I think you’re great— but she wasn't sure she wanted to question it. Gran was turning out to be one interesting woman.

Carmilla balanced the tray on her arm and pushed open the screen door that led onto the back porch. There were plenty of people talking and kids running around she thought for a second she could set down the tray and leave without being noticed. Not a chance.

It took literally seconds before a table full of women were waving her over. It wasn't hard to see the family resemblance. They all had features she had seen in Laura. Some had the same nose, others the same eyes. Some the same smile. It made it seem less like they were strangers.

“Good morning.” Carmilla smiled and stepped towards the table, setting the tray down gracefully. “Would anyone like a drink?” She was hoping this extremely strange situation would be easy to navigate with her usual charm.

“Oh, we’ve heard you're a charmer.” One of them smiled and reached for a cup.

 “Is that so?” Carmilla was almost proud of that. They had barely been there 9 hours and already she had a reputation. She gripped the back of an empty chair, leaning on it casually.

 Another hummed, “Carmilla, right?”

“Mmhm.” Carmilla responded. She wasn't sure what it was about them, but her usual desire to duck and run wasn't quite as strong as she stood there.

“Tell us about yourself, Carmilla. You’re the only one here we haven't met.”

Carmilla pulled in a breath, offering a small smile, “Honestly? There isn't much to tell.” She shrugged and stood up, shoving her hands in her pockets, “Laura and the nerd herd took pity and picked me up along their way. I’m just along for the ride now.”

She was praying that would be enough. 

The table of women shared knowing looks and chuckles before one of them added, "That's our Laura. Bleeding heart."

Carmilla felt the need to make sure they knew that wasn't a bad thing, "I think it's one of her most beautiful features."

The response from the women was silence and surprised smiles as all eyes landed on Carmilla. It only then occurred to Carmilla that her statement might be a little too telling. 

"I have oranges!" The screen door slammed open and Laf stepped out, a large bowl of fruit in their hands. They spotted Carmilla and grinned, "she lives!"

Carmilla didn't glare like she wanted to, as a thank you for interrupting the increasingly awkward conversation, and turned back to the table, all eyes still on her despite Laf’s entrance. 

"Ladies." Carmilla smiled, probably more awkwardly than she ever had in her life, then headed for the stairs that led down to the yard. It was perfect timing, what with Danny walking out the door just as she hit the bottom step. If anything could have made that moment worse, it would be the giant red head that was already getting on Carmilla’s nerves just by existing.

She dodged a few running kids, stepped over the tiny one playing in the dirt with a stick and walked as casually as she could towards the tree across the yard. 

Once she hit the shade she let out the breath she had been holding the whole walk over. This was definitely new territory for her and she couldn't even keep her feelings to herself in front of strangers. She leaned against the tree and looked around for the first time. 

The place was big, and obviously called The Ranch for a reason. 

The backyard was huge. A big grass yard with a swing set off to the side, a slide connected to it and a big tree nearby. The center of the yard was open, games of soccer, catch, or tag often taking place in its space. There was a fire pit on the other end, large logs circled around it for seats. The edge of the yard was lined with a large fence that used to be roaming grounds for horses. 

The last few years gran had downsized from boarding other peoples horses to only having their own. So instead of a handful of horses roaming around, there were only three left. Curly, Larry and Moe. 

At the corner of the grass and fenced pasture was the old stables. Half of it had been converted into an apartment for situations exactly like this. Family had always been important to Gran, and she had ensured there was always room for everyone- even strangers.  

It was like being in the middle of a country song. Dirt roads, pickup trucks, hay fields. Even a couple of horses roaming around out back.

Carmilla couldn't stand it. 

Then it happened. Laura walked out onto the porch, the screen door clacking shut behind her. Carmilla had been right about the country song, down to the dog sleeping on the porch. But along with baseball caps and open fields, there came a beautiful girl in a short sun dress, sun kissed skin and warm brown eyes. Daydreams of barefoot walks through tall green grass, holding hands and a starlit kiss goodnight.

Yeah, country had never been Carmilla’s favorite, but right then, as Laura walked across the porch with a warm smile, looking beautiful, Carmilla was definitely warming up to the genre. It might actually be her favorite now. They were definitely onto something. 

She could barely hear but Laura added a twang to her speech as she talked to her family. It was adorable and new but made her that much sweeter. 

Then something was poking her in the leg and she looked down with a scowl. 

"No." Carmilla saw the tiny person at her feet and just flat out refused to acknowledge him further. Kids were a firm 'no way in hell' for her. Even here. She wasn't that smitten with Laura to budge on that one. 

——

To say the morning had started a little rough would be an understatement. Laf was right, she came back to soggy cereal. Which didn't seem right, now that she knew Carmilla didn't even have to get out of bed to get the good stuff. And teaching Emory to swear? What on earth convinced her that would be a good idea?

She was the last to shower, which in a house with more than a dozen people, meant cold water. By the time she had finished getting ready for the day, everyone was already outside in the yard. 

Laura made her way to the kitchen and walked out the doors that lead to the large deck out back. She spotted Danny almost immediately, it was hard not to when she stood a foot taller than anyone else there, and made her way that direction. She was gather with Laf, Perry and a bunch of her aunts at a table on the deck. A couple plates of fruit were on the table, as well as a bunch of drinks.

"There she is." Danny smiled and stood up, pulling out a chair for Laura.

"Thanks." Laura smiled and sat down, ignoring the wiggling eyebrows and kissy faces from every single one of her aunts. "What are we talking about?" 

Laf was ecstatic to give her an answer, "Emory fell out of the tree on the side of the house and as soon as she hit the ground, screamed ‘ _shit’_!" 

“Really?” Laura wasn't sure how to play off her reaction surprise? Guilt? Oblivious? It probably looked like she was constipated. Then aunt Becky took the pressure off. 

"It was kind of fantastic." Becky, Emory's mom laughed, "guess what Gran said to her?" 

"What?" Laura answered slowly, a little surprised how ok with it her aunt was. 

Becky lifted her finger in a scolding motion and mimicked Grans voice, "you can't say shit, Emory. Dammit Brad, is she learning this from you?!" 

The whole table started laughing, Laura's chuckle still a little nervous. Brad was Emory's dad, and apparently the scape goat for Emory and Carmilla's early morning vocabulary lesson. 

Jessica (another aunt) leaned back in her chair, "now if any of the kids say dammit we can just blame Gran."

There was a rumble on the deck and as a group of cousins ran across the wood to get to the table of adults. “Laura, Laura! Come play tag!"

It was a chorus of little voices and Laura was beaming. There was a big age difference between her and the next cousin, her mother had been the oldest of the sisters and had gotten pregnant fairly young, so it always felt like she was an honorary big sister to entire bunch of kids, and more like a friend than a niece to her aunts. Since technically she was an only child, family get togethers were always her favorite. Getting to be a big sister a few times a year was so much fun. 

"How about I play, too?" Danny volunteered, standing up slowly and wiggling her fingers towards the group of kids teasingly, "I bet I'll catch you all!" 

If the chorus of voices had been loud, the mess of screams and giggling as they all turned and sprinted back into the yard was double the volume. Danny didn't even have to hurry, two of her strides got her as far as 10 strides from the tiny legs running away from her. 

Laura was getting up to follow Danny into the epic game of tag happening when she heard the new conversation topic at the table.

 

"I like her."

"She's so tall."

"You're just short."

“You are the exact same height as me."

"Look at her though."

"I don't think I've heard a single negative thing come out of her mouth."

"She's always been that way. Even in college. Where it's like, a right of passage to hate everything during finals week.”

"Laura, what are you doing about that?"

 

"About what?" Laura turned around a little embarrassed. 

"Danny." Becky nodded towards the red head running and yelling playfully with the kids on the grass. 

Danny picked up Eric and lifted him in the air before setting him back down. She glanced over to see if Laura was looking and smiled wide when they made eye contact. 

Laura smiled then ducked away shyly, "I'm not doing anything, yet. I don’t know, it’s complicated."

"Because of our mysterious new guest?" Jessica wiggled her eyebrows, "I totally get it. She works the black."

Laura had come out to her family in high school. She almost regretted it. Not because they _weren't_ accepting, but because they were almost _too_ accepting. 

“She’s definitely got the mysterious part down.” Aunt Shay took a sip of her lemonade, “The way she waltzed out here like she owned the place. I can see why you would have a hard time choosing.”

“You’re basing all of this off the fact that Danny is tall and Carmilla wears black?” Laura rolled her eyes, “You guys are ridiculous.”

“Thats not all.” Perry smiled, her attention dropping to the cup in front of her as she remembered the very early morning conversation they had shared. 

“Whats that supposed to mean?” Laura was over playing tag and totally into this conversation now. “Have any of you even talked to her?” 

“Oh sweetie, we all have.” Shay looked around the table at her sisters, all of them smiling ear to ear. 

“What happened?” Laura wasn't smiling. Knowing her aunts, and knowing Carmilla (well, kind of. that was its own problem) she couldn't imagine how a conversation with them all had gone.

“Nothing.” Jessica shook her head innocently, “Just a quick get to know you conversation.”

“She isn't very chatty.” Aunt Emily leaned forward, “But some people are really good at saying a lot with not very many words.”  
  
It was obvious her Aunts were enjoying this entirely too much and weren't going to tell her anything. She loved them dearly, but they were the worst sometimes. 

“Okay, no.” She laughed embarrassedly, “Can we talk about something else?” 

“Like how your dark beauty is playing fetch with my two year old?” Emily was looking across the yard with an amused expression.

Laura followed Emily’s line of sight and sure enough, there was Carmilla. Donned in her black ripped jeans, a black t-shirt, her perfectly wavy hair, dark sunglasses and… a stick in her hand? 

She hadn't seen Carmilla since breakfast. Laura half expected her to stay hiding in her room after everything that happened. They weren't really talking, which was dumb, but Laura’s own doing. And Carmilla had been pretty clear about her distaste for children. So that fact that she was there, in the middle of all the family antics, was surprising. When Laura watched her toss a stick across the yard and Mark, Emily’s two year old, started running for it, she was even more surprised.

 “How long has she been doing that?” Laura asked, not able to hold back the smile at how ridiculous it looked.

 Perry hummed, “Maybe 10 minutes?”

 “Seriously?” Laura laughed, turning to Emily, “And you’re ok with this?”

 "Look at him.” Emily gestured to her two year old, tripping over his own feet as he tried to bring the stick back to Carmilla, “He’s having the time of his life.”

 “Acting like a dog?” Laura asked, turning back around to watch.

 “At least he's chasing a stick and not trying to drink from the toilet like Tommy did as a kid.” Jessica chuckled, taking a sip of her drink.

Laura tuned out the conversation and watched Carmilla for a minute. Mark would stumble up to her and hand her the stick, she would take it from him and toss is across the yard, then Mark would take off to get it again. Without fail, every time he brought it back, Carmilla looked around and sighed, like she couldn't believe she was in that situation. Laura could practically see her rolling her eyes despite the dark sunglasses. But then she would just toss the stick and stand there, waiting for Mark to bring it back.  She was far enough across the yard, standing under a tree that Laura probably wouldn't have noticed if Emily hadn't said anything.

“Come play!” A little voice pulled Laura’s attention and she looked down into bright blue eyes.

“Sure, Mary.” Laura answered sweetly as the 8 year old took her hand and started pulling her to the grass. 

She couldn't help but notice Danny romping around with the kids. A huge game of tag had broken out and Danny was at the center of it. She was all smiles and laughter and amazing with the kids. But something about it seemed different than watching Carmilla. She tried to shake the feeling from her mind and just focus on the game, and pretty soon thats what she was doing.

Then she saw her again. It had to have been another 15 minutes later when Laura looked over at the tree on a rare break when one of her cousins wasn't chasing her, and there was Carmilla. Still standing there. Still throwing a stick. The only thing more surprising than Carmilla’s participation, was Marks persistence to keep playing.

Laf was roaring, their hands up like claws as they chased after one of the kids. They were it and took tag very seriously. Laura yelled their name to catch their attention then waved them over. Being interrupted in their chasing technique, Laf glared at her before picking up speed and tagging one of the kids it. Then then jogged over to where Laura was standing.

“Whats up L?” Laf was breathing heavily, dropping their hands on their hips as they leaned over, trying to catch their breath, “My velociraptor was near perfect that time.”

Laura just chuckled and shooed away a couple of kids running their way, “How did that happen?” 

“How did what happen?” Laf stood up, blowing out a long breath and dropping their head back slightly. Yeah, they needed to work out more.

“Carmilla treating my cousin like a cocker spaniel.”

Lafontaine laughed, glancing over towards the tree and Carmilla.

“Theres no way she just decided to play with him on her own.” Laura pushed Laf’s shoulder abruptly and took off across the yard, dodging getting tagged it. When she got to the other side of the yard she waited for Laf to catch up, but it wasn't Laf that landed at her side.

“Hollis.” Danny’s stride was smooth and she wasn't even out of breath when she stopped beside Laura, “Who knew you were a pro at tag.”

Laura just laughed, way out of breath, and nodded. Laf was about to run over but Laura waved them away. It felt weird to talk about Carmilla in front of Danny, she wasn't sure why, but it was.

Danny glanced over at her and couldn't help but feel like Laura’s attention was split. “I uh, these kids are great. I’m having a lot of fun.”

“Right?” Laura smiled, “They are the best.”

“Yeah.” Danny nodded, “Hey, do you think maybe we could hang out later?”

“We’re hanging out now?” Laura was watching the kids run around.

Danny laughed and stepped closer to Laura, nudging her playfully, “Maybe without all the tiny people running around distracting you?”

“Huh?” Laura looked over, half distracted by the kids running around, trying to keep track of who was ‘it’ and now.. was Danny asking her out?

“I mean, I know you’re here to visit family but maybe we could go for a walk or something?” Danny’s expression was hopeful, apparently not phased by Laura’s split attention.

Laura’s answer should have been immediate, this is exactly what she had hoped would happen. For _the_ longest time. Danny. The girl she had been crushing on for over a year. The girl she just could never get the timing right with. Asking her out. Right now. And she didn't know what to say.

Then Tommy was barreling towards them with a wicked grin because he was ‘it’ and Laura bolted. Danny must have been stunned because Tommy tagged her without trouble.

“Laf!” Laura sprinted over to where they were at. “You never answered my question.”

“What question?” Laf leaned over, hands on their knees. This game was barbaric. Their lungs were going to explode.

“How that started.” Laura was having two conversation at once in the middle of a game of tag, but this is the one she wanted an answer for the most.

“Uh, he just followed Carmilla over there when she came outside.” Laf shrugged then took off running.

Danny was headed their way and Laura started to sprint away too, not wanting to get tagged it, but also not sure she had an answer for Danny’s question yet.

“Wait, Laura!” Danny was running after her, “I’m not it anymore!”

“But I am!” another kid ran straight into Danny’s legs, nearly tripping her and tagging her it again in the process.

Saved by a child. Thank the heavens. 

So the girl Laura had liked forever asks her out and she doesn't know what to say. The girl that hates kids is actually playing with one where she thinks it’ll go unnoticed. Laura really needed to sort out what she was feeling and thinking because right now, she didn't know what was happening in either department. 

——

"Listen honey," Gran was waving a knife around, standing at the counter, "it's all in the wrist." 

Laura just shook her head with a knowing smile, setting out more slices of bread. Gran had a way of doing everything. Even spreading mayonnaise.  

"If you do a swirl, you get maximum coverage." 

"Wow." Danny nodded, glancing at Laura, "who knew there was so much to know about sandwich making."

"Oh sure." Gran waved the knife around again, splattering mayonnaise across the cupboard behind her, "you think this is cool. You should see how I do peanut butter and jelly."

"I'd love to." Danny smiled at Laura, not noticing the glance Gran gave them both. 

The day was definitely getting better. After playing in the yard and actually getting to catch up with her aunts and cousins, Laura was stolen by Gran to help make sandwiches for lunch. Danny volunteered to help. 

Laura chuckled and tossed the empty bread bag in the garbage. Danny didn't know what she was getting into when she offered to help. Laura was guessing it was a way to spend more time with her, but Gran took lunch time serious. 

It was all building sandwiches, no talking. Once there was a pile to be proud of, Laura, Danny and Gran carried full plates out to the deck.

"Alright come and get it!" Gran yelled as she set her plate down on the table on the deck. 

Brad had been tasked with drinks and brought out a large ice chest filled with bottled juices, water and Gatorade. What was neatly stacked before, was now quickly a mess on the table. Parents wrangled their kids and made sure they each had a sandwich and something to drink before getting door themselves. 

It seemed Laf got caught up in the storm of running children and had actually got into a tug of war with one of the kids for the last blue Gatorade. All Perry had to do was shoot them a look and Laf relented, taking a pink one instead.  

"Ah, so sleep and food are the way to your heart then?" Gran grabbed a sandwich and set it on a paper plate and held it out. 

 Carmilla was taking her time walking up the couple steps onto the deck, but she had a sly grin on her face. 

 Laura was grabbing her own sandwich down the table a bit and couldn't help but listen in.  

"Mark sure had taken a liking to you." Gran handed Carmilla the plate then dropped her hand to her hip.  

"He thinks he's a dog." Carmilla countered with a scoff, lifting the top piece of bread absentmindedly. 

"It's good I promise. I made that one." Gran winked, "the tall one has no vision when it comes to culinary arts. She made lines, not swirls. Can you imagine?”

Carmilla smiled at Gran before lifting the sandwich and taking a bite, “you're right," she spoke with her mouth full, "it's delicious."

Gran clapped excitedly, "Granddad! I told you, I should be a chef!"

Up to this point Laura's grandpa had been a quiet observer. Always present but almost entirely silent. Must have had something to do with being outnumbered by women most of his life. But when Gran yelled excitedly, he perked up, smiling wide across the porch at her. "I've been telling you that our entire marriage!" 

A bunch of the grandkids giggled into their own sandwiches and conversation picked back up between everyone on the porch.  

I was a little overwhelming for Carmilla if she was being honest. Family get togethers for her were always near formal events. Policed conversations, ridiculous expectations when it came to behavior and manners. Caterers, fancy dinner wear, place cards and an unspoken rule about quietness. 

To see a family gathered together, all ages squished at picnic tables, half without shoes, almost all in some sort of state of being dirty, jelly or mustard smeared on faces, laughing loudly, talking excitedly, actually smiling and enjoying each others company was foreign.  

It was like the house had felt familiar the night before when she had been walking in the dark. Large like her own, but warm instead of cold. Carmilla knew what it was like to be in a large group of people, with all the fancy dinners and functions she had attended since she was a child. But this was different. This was warm and inviting. This was a whole different world than she had ever seen. 

She had been looking around the deck when her eyes fell on Laura's. Laura was already watching her, her eyes widened slightly like she had been caught. Then she quickly looked down to her plate 

It was obvious why the pair of them were so different. Their lives until now had almost been as different as if they had been living on different planets. Laura had this family that was warm and open and loving. Exactly like she was. 

And Carmilla had been raised to keep composure, temper emotions and never give away more than was necessary.

Everything that had happened the day before became painfully clear. Laura expected Carmilla to be open because that's how she was. It's how the people in her life had been. 

And Carmilla, she held everything close to her chest, being strategic and careful about what she shared with others. Knowing everything could be used as ammunition later. 

It didn't make sense to Laura that Carmilla had kept this giant secret and it didn't make sense to Carmilla that Laura was surprised she had. 

It didn't make either of them right, but it made sense why they were both upset about how things had gone. Laura wanting Carmilla to be honest and open about everything. And Carmilla being frustrated Laura didn't understand her need to take her time with it. It also just made it more clear than it already was that they needed to talk. 

That was her plan, right? Talk to Laura. Fix things. If her monologue the night before in a nearly pitch black kitchen had revealed anything, it was that Laura was someone special to Carmilla. Worth deviating from her normal actions in order to at least try to make things right. 

She was about to walk to the other end of the table when she saw one of the smaller kids walking towards Laura with a handful of flowers picked from the yard. She tugged on the hem of Laura's shirt then held out the makeshift bouquet.

"Aww, thank you." Laura smiled and took the flowers before bending over to kiss the top of her head. 

The little girl smiled wide, rocking from her heels to toes then turned and pointed towards Danny who was sitting at the table with a bunch of the kids. 

"Fan fucking tactic" Carmilla groaned as she watched Laura look at Danny and smile wide as she brought the flowers up to smell them. 

Danny just chuckled then high fived the little girl when she ran back to the table. 

If this was a competition, Carmilla was sure she would be losing. Danny volunteered to help any chance she got, played with the kids, got along with Laura's aunts, and had just sent Laura flowers by way of child-mail. 

Carmilla on the other hand had kept conversations short, played fetch with a small boy, and was completely lost when it came to Gran. Yeah. Danny definitely had more points.

Carmilla hadn't liked her the second she met her. And now she knew exactly why. Danny liked Laura. And despite Carmilla not understanding, Laura liked her back to at least some degree. 

And yet... As soon as Laura lowered the flowers, she looked over at Carmilla.

Maybe she still had a chance after all. 

—

Laura couldn't exactly ignore Danny's invitation to sit with her for lunch. Especially after she had sent Addison over with flowers. It _was_ pretty precious. So she made her way over, plate in hand, and sat down on the small bench at the table.

Immediately there were a handful of voices vying for Laura's attention. 

"Look how big my bite is!"

"Did you see my hair bow?"

"I losth my tooth yethterday!"

"Tommy stole my cookie!"

"Here Stacy," Laura chuckled. "You can have mine." She handed her cookie over then smacked Tommy lightly on the back of the head. The cookie was already shoved in his mouth so it was too late just to take it back. 

"Wow," Danny set her own cookie on Laura's plate, "Laura Hollis giving away cookies. You've changed."

Laura just shook her head, smiling up at her, "she's 8. She doesn't have to self control to wait till she's alone to cry about it like me."

Laura felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around to Aunt Emily. 

"Hey did Brooklyn ever find you?"

"No." Laura shook her head, "I haven't seen her."

"Well if she finds you, she was really excited to show you the short story she wrote for school." Emily smiled, then bickering from down the table pulled her attention and she was gone. 

Brooklyn was Emily’s oldest, 11 and just as awkward as Laura. She was more into school and learning than most of the other kids. She was more likely to have her nose in a book than to join in on the games the other kids played. Which is probably why Laura hadn't seen her all morning. 

Laura always tried to spend time with her, she didn't always get as much attention as the other kids with her quiet demeanor. She never got in trouble or caused problems. In fact, she played mediator with the other kids plenty. She was smart and shy and exactly how Laura was as a kid. 

They had bonded over their love of learning and when Brooklyn caught wind Laura was going to be a writer- she immediately started working on her own skills in the area. 

Laura started looking around the porch at all the food stained faces trying to find her. She wasn't at any of the tables on the porch or the small plastic one that had been set up in the yard. That's when she realized she hadn't seen Carmilla there either. 

If this was going to be a repeat of when she caught her teaching Emory how to swear, Laura was really going to be mad. 

"You ok?" Danny asked, clearly noticing Laura's shifting in her seat.

"Yeah." Laura turned to her quickly, nodding. "Just looking for Brooklyn."

"The little nerdy one?" Danny asked with a smile. 

Laura knew she hadn't meant for it to be a rude comment, but for some reason it bugged her. Brooklyn wasn't nerdy. She was smart. And almost exactly what Laura was like as a child. 

Danny must have noticed Laura's distaste for the comment because she was quick to backtrack. "The cute one with glasses, I mean. She's over there." Her smile was less sure as she pointed towards the tree in the yard. 

Sure enough, Brooklyn was sitting cross legged in the shade, book in her hands and plate of chips and a half eaten sandwich next to her. 

“I’ll be back.” Laura smiled quickly then stood up, grabbed her plate and headed for the yard. “Hey you.” She smiled at Brooklyn as she got closer, “what are you doing alone over here?”

“I’m not alone.” Brooklyn looked up, then marked her page and shut her book.

As Laura got closer she saw someone was sitting with Brooklyn, just further around the tree. Familiar boots, ankles crossed, jeans ripped at the knees.. she didn't need to see more to know who exactly was sitting with her. 

“Oh, I couldn't see from the porch.” She cleared her throat, “Hey, Carm.” 

Ok. This was awkward. But Laura felt relieved that the opportunity to talk to her had finally come. Even if it was just a hello. After being together non stop for the last week, it felt strange to go an entire morning without speaking to her. Even if she still wasn't sure how she was feeling about everything.

“Laura.” Carmilla replied softly, looking up through long eyelashes.

It was unfair. One look from her and the butterflies were back.

“Are you, I mean, you seem like you’re doing ok?” Was that coherent? Laura, pull yourself together.

“Why wouldn't I be?” Carmilla uncrossed her ankles and pulled up a leg, leaning forward to lean over her knee.

“I didn't really get to introduce you to..” She raised her arm, gesturing to her family scattered across the porch and yard. “They can be a lot to take in at first.”

“Its ok.” Carmilla’s smile was small, entertained by Laura’s obvious nervousness, “They’ve been great. Especially Brooke here. She let me borrow her book.” She lifted her hand and twisted the book to show her.

“Thats, great. Good. good.” Laura nodded, not sure where to go from here. The conversation she really wanted to have with Carmilla wasn't one she wanted to have in front of her 11 year old cousin.

“You guys are being weird.” Brooklyn looked between them with a slight frown, “Should I leave?” 

Smart girl.

“No, its ok.” Carmilla shifted her weight then stood up, brushing grass from her pants and picking up her drink, “I’ll let you guys hang out.” She tapped the bottom of Brooklyn’s shoe with a smile, “Thanks for the book, kid.”

Laura watched her start to walk away. Book in one hand, juice box in the other. It was adorable. 

It didn't have to stay this way, right?

"Carm?"

Carmilla spun around slowly, eyes on the ground till she was facing Laura completely, then she looked up. She didn't say anything, just tilted her head and raised her eyebrows slightly, waiting for her to continue. 

"Could we talk?" Laura glanced down at Brooklyn then back to Carmilla. "Later I mean. Just the two of us?"  

Carmilla smiled and nodded, "Come find me when you're ready."

"Okay." Laura smiled, trying to control how widely. Hoping to avoid blushing, Laura turned back to Brooklyn and sat down next to her, "your mom said you wrote a story?" 

She glanced back up and saw Carmilla walking away, with what looked like a smile as she sipped through the straw of her tiny juice box. Just passed her though, was Danny. She was chatting and laughing with a bunch adults at the table on the deck and it occurred to Laura that she had completely blown off Danny's invite to go for a walk and talk, yet was already trying to figure out when a good time to catch Carmilla alone would be. 

It was hard not to feel bad. Danny had been great. Pretty much perfect, actually. Super friendly, got along with everyone, always willing to help or ready to play. She was great. So why had Laura been so hesitant to spend time with her and quick to try with Carmilla?

"Uh, are you listening?" Brooklyn hit Laura's leg with her book and rolled her eyes. "You were the one that asked."

"Right, yeah I'm listening." Laura turned back to Brooke, focusing her attention and smiling wide, "Your story."

Brooklyn started talking animatedly about a princess that had to escape an evil captor, a prince that showed up to save her but instead of helping, made everything worse. In the end it was the princess actually saving herself and the prince from trouble. 

Laura chuckled, absolutely loving the idea already, "can I read it?"

"Yeah!" Brooke shifted on her knees excitedly, grabbing her book and opening it up to where she had been reading. 

Her story was folded neatly and placed inside along with a small bookmark. She pulled out the folded pages and handed them to Laura, ignoring the bookmark falling out onto the grass. 

"Oh this is cool, did you make it?" Laura picked up the bookmark. It was a piece of paper that had been folded into a paper crane.

"Oh, no." Brooke shook her head almost embarrassedly. "Your friend made it for me."

"Who, Danny?" Laura smiled as she turned it over in her hands. 

"I was bummed you were always busy today so she made it to cheer me up." Brooklyn shrugged, feeling a little dumb about feeling bad earlier, "She's really nice and said she liked my story."

"When did you show Danny your story?" Laura started opening the folded pages.

"Not Danny, Carmilla."

Laura laughed, "yeah, right." When she looked up Brooklyn was just looking at her blankly "oh you're serious."

"Yeah." Brooke clearly didn't understand why Laura was so shocked.

"She just came over because you were alone, folded you a crane then read your story?" It didn't seem likely for Carmilla to voluntarily put herself in that close proximity to a kid. 

"And didn't talk while I was reading." Brooklyn sighed, "are you going to read it?"

"Yeah, of course!" Laura knew she needed to switch gears. Focus on Brooklyn and not Carmilla. It was hard. 

For an 11 year old the story was actually pretty good. It made her laugh more than once and Brooklyn looked ecstatic when Laura told her it was greats. She helped her with some confusing parts and even helped come up with another silly situation for the princess to save the prince from. 

It was easy to lose track of how long they sat there, and by the time got up, lunch had already been cleaned up and the family had scattered. A bunch of kids had disappeared for naps, a few were on the swing set or in the yard and it was actually quiet for the first time all day. 

Laura spotted the trio of redheads sitting at a table on the deck playing cards and made her way over. "Playing poker?"

"Go fish." Perry smiled happily. 

Laura chuckled and sat down, "scandalous. Deal me in."

\----

It had been a pretty fantastic day. They weren't on a time crunch to get anything done and get back in the car, there was plenty to do but plenty of opportunity to relax. The added bonus of over a dozen people she knew and loved to talk to instead of the same three she had been with for over a week was a plus too. Laura was loving it. 

Then there was Danny. Which was great. She was sweet and fun and it was beyond good to see her again. And Carmilla. Even though she was part of the three she had been with constantly, it was interesting to see her in a new environment. 

For someone that didn't like kids and had nearly murdered one not that long ago, she was doing surprisingly well for the amount of children running around. Somehow she managed to always be around without being in the center of everything, but also not being completely out of it. The difference between her and Danny was almost comical. 

Danny was in the middle of it any chance she got. Starting games or helping everyone- always making sure to flash a brilliant smile at Laura while doing it. It wasn't like she was trying to show off or anything, more so just glad to be noticed by Laura. It was sweet. And Laura knew it should probably make her feel more than it actually did. 

Carmilla was the complete opposite. She was like a ninja with it all. For some reason it seemed like she was trying to do everything unnoticed. Gran had pointed out that she had helped more than Laura actually saw. And after catching her with Mark and Brooklyn, Laura couldn't help but wonder if she had spent time with any of the other kids without being noticed. 

As dinner time approached, Gran came out with a pile of paper plates in her hands, "alright who's setting these out for me and who wants to come grab drinks?"

Go fish had long ended and the 4 friends were just sitting around the table catching up. Perry was quick to take the plates and Laf volunteered to get the drinks ready, which meant Danny and Laura were left alone for the first time since their moment while playing tag. 

Laura wanted to feel excited about it. She had been excited for a moment like this since before they started the trip. But now that it was happening, she just felt nervous. And not the butterflies in her stomach, dry mouth and fluttering heartbeat nervous. But more an unsure of how to approach the situation nervous. 

"Do you want me to grab the rest of the kids?" Laura stood up and gave Gran a look, hoping she understood what she was really asking. 

"I'll help." Danny stood up, gathering the cards on the table to take them inside. 

"Oh don't you even worry about it." Gran winked at Laura, waving her hand absentmindedly, "I sent the brooding beauty to go gather them up."

"Carmilla?" Laura scoffed, surprised and worried all at the same time, "you sent Carmilla to get the kids?" 

"Brooding beauty?" Danny frowned at Laura's instant understanding of the nickname. 

"Sure!" Gran smiled, "they haven't figured out if they are scared of her or like her yet. She was perfect for the job."

"Besides," Gran looped her arm through Laura's, "I need you to help me with... the... Ice."

"The ice?" Danny asked, skeptically. 

Laura knew Gran had recognized her cry for help and was tying to do just that, help. 

"Yes." Gran said firmly, "they aren't, cubey, enough."

Laura tried to hide her smile, "well I'm an expert at, ice cubes? Let's go."

They walked inside snickering together, leaving Danny outside a little confused. 

"I thought you liked the tall one." Gran took her arm back and pushed Laura gently toward the fridge. 

"Shh! Gran!" Laura looked around the kitchen to make sure they were alone, "I never said I didn't."

"Then why are you avoiding being alone with her like grandpa avoids my veggie lasagna?"

"Ok that's not fair." Laura laughed and pulled the ice tray from the freezer. There wasn't much she could do about their cubey-ness but she could still get a bunch ready. "There's a lot going on, it's been a while since I've seen you all. I'm just being social."

"With everyone but long legs out there." Gran passed her a bowl to empty the ice cubes into. "And what about the other one?"

"What other one?" Laura was being coy. She wanted to hear what gran had to say about Carmilla before she shared her own feelings. 

"The one with the dark eyes that light up when she looks at you." Gran crossed her arms, "which is all the time."

Laura looked up immediately, "that's not true! Is it?"

"Good grief Laura bear." Gran rolled her eyes and turned back to the food on the counter, "I knew you were a little oblivious. I didn't know you were blind."

"I'm not blind." Laura countered, dumping the ice into the bowl before refilling the tray with water.

"Just scared?" Gran was multitasking, like always, and maybe it made the conversation seem more normal or the topic less frightening. 

"Maybe." Laura shrugged, balancing the ice tray now full of water, "I mean, it's Carmilla. I hated her the second we met. Actually, before we even met. She zipped by me on her motorcycle and I just wanted to smack her." She focused on the freezer and putting the tray on the rack without spilling. "Then Danny, I liked her almost instantly."

By this point it was useless to try and get a word in. Gran knew this and just kept getting food ready. 

"Danny was everything I was looking for. Smart, kind, beautiful, the timing had just never worked. And now time is like, here, this is it, and I don't know. I like Danny, just maybe not like I thought I did."

"And Carmilla?" Gran glanced over her shoulder, a knowing look on her face. 

Laura scoffed, "Carmilla is sarcastic, rude, constantly getting into trouble, pushing buttons on purpose.."

As if on cue, Carmilla appeared in the doorway. She looked bored. Or maybe annoyed? Either way, as soon as she stepped into the kitchen she halted. 

Laura's first glance was to Carmilla. Had she heard her and gran talking? Then she saw the line of children following behind her and couldn't help but smile. The second Carmilla stopped walking, the line of kids stopped abruptly, some faster than others, causing the line to be a mess of children bumping into each other but trying desperately not to bump into Carmilla. 

Carmilla waited until the quiet whispers and sounds of kids catching their balance stopped, then she smirked at Laura and started walking again. Laura watched in amazement as the line of kids followed behind her silently until they had all walked through the kitchen and out to the back porch.

"Told you she was perfect for the job." Gran laughed, "you were saying she was all trouble?"

"Yeah, trouble." Laura just watched Carmilla disappear outside. As soon as the kids were on the deck she could hear Danny greet them excitedly. 

They were polar opposites. How was Laura so conflicted about her feelings for them? 

Laura walked over to the counter Gran was working at and leaned back against it. "I thought we were getting to know each other." She shrugged, crossing her arms, "but she just, left out this huge detail about herself. And it's not even what she left out that bothers me. It's that I totally trusted her and she just... I don't know. Didn't trust me? Does that make sense?"

Gran stopped what she was doing and turned towards Laura. "It does."

Laura sighed, relieved she wasn't completely crazy for feeling what she was feeling. 

 "But something tells me that girl doesn't open up to many people." Gran reached out and gave Laura's arm a squeeze, "so what feels like distrust to you, probably felt terrifying to her. It takes some people longer to trust people. You can't be mad when someone doesn't move at your speed."

Gran was right and Laura knew it. Even though her feelings were valid, so were Carmilla's. Didn't change the fact that she was scared she would end up getting hurt because of it. 

"I wish mom was here." Laura sighed. 

Gran nodded with a sad smile. "Me too, sweetheart."

It didn't matter who was there to give her advice, though. She could hear Danny playing and laughing with the kids while everyone got ready for dinner and could see Carmilla sitting at the end of one of the tables, glancing sideways at anyone that dared approach her. 

It shouldn't have been this difficult to sort out her feelings. She wanted to like Danny. She was trying to like Danny. She should like Danny. But she was falling for Carmilla even when she was trying to fall for Danny. Maybe that was the scary part. 

"You know," Gran wiped her hands on a towel and handed Laura a bowl of salad, "this whole being scared thing?"

"What about it?" Laura gripped the bowl, ready to take it outside.

"It doesn't have to be a road block." Gran gave her a thoughtful look then grabbed a platter of food herself, "people jump out of perfectly good planes all the time."

Gran was right. Just because the plane was great, and safe, didn't mean she had to stay there. She could jump. She could take the scary and unpredictable route. 

She had been right about Carmilla. She was sarcastic and closed off and a pain in the ass. But she was more than that too. 

She was funny, and unpredictable, exciting, spontaneous. She stopped trucks on the highway and orchestrated a fake dine and dash, she made origami bookmarks for the kid that felt left out. She was more than what she tried to make people believe.

Laura was making her way around the table, Danny was sitting on one end, Carmilla on the other. Danny pat the open seat next to her and smiled. Laura watched her help scoop some food onto Addison's plate then look up at her almost to see if she was looking. As Laura sat down, she watched down the table as Carmilla used her fork to push some vegetables across Emory's plate then pierce her own piece with her fork. Emory shook her head, disgusted by the idea of vegetables. Carmilla said something, handed Emory her fork, then in solidarity Carmilla ate a bite of vegetables with her. Laura had never seen Emory eat broccoli that easily. Then Carmilla just silently went back to eating without a word or even a glance around. 

Carmilla wasn't trouble. Not in the slightest. Even though for some reason that seemed to be the impression she had been trying to give off from day one. Laura smiled and nodded along to the conversations happening around her. All her family and all her friends gathered together for dinner. The typical laughter and bickering happening, but Laura could barely pay attention. 

She had convinced herself Carmilla was someone to be afraid of. That she needed to keep her guard up more than she had in the beginning. She had given Carmilla a chance and she had been wrong to. Except maybe Laura had seen what she wanted to instead of what was really there. 

Carmilla had created this idea of a person and Laura had fallen for it. Sarcastic, snarky, trouble. That's how Carmilla had tried to be seen and Laura had seen past it in moments and fallen for it in others. Laura had caught glimpses of a different side of her, but never long enough to convince her that _that_ was the real Carmilla. But it was. 

She was playful, kind, smart, thoughtful and barely any trouble at all. 

It was too late now, though. Laura had seen it, and now instead of scared, she was confused. Why would Carmilla make such an effort to close herself off and try to be this person with a tough exterior when the real Carmilla, the person underneath it all, was so wonderful? 

She was an angel who thought she was a devil. Raised on the idea that horns were better than a halo. She was taught to be wicked but was nothing but good. Fighting against her inner demons, trying to look the part but never quite fitting in.  She wore horns to protect herself, not to corrupt others. Her halo, hidden away, strangled her heart, aching to shine as brightly as the love in her eyes and the gentleness of her touch. Her actions contradicting every sharp word or hardened stare. She may have wicked ways, but they were always for heavenly reasons.  

——

“I told you an assembly line would get the job done quicker.” Perry moved the towel in a clockwise direction, a smile on her face. She had played tag, helped cook, relaxed and talked with Laura’s family all day long but this was the happiest she had looked since getting there.

 “And I told you,” Laf rinsed the next bowl and held it out for Perry, “No one would find this quite as enjoyable as you.”

 Danny was standing next to Laf at the sink, scrub brush in one hand, dish in the other, “At least we are finally all together.”

 Laura took the dry dish from Perry and found its spot in the cupboard, “We’ve been together all day.” She had to stand on her toes to get it in its rightful place.

 “I just mean, just the 4 of us.” Danny chuckled, reaching for the next dish to wash. “Not that I don’t love you’re family. Theres just a lot of them.”

 Everyone else either chuckled or nodded. It was the truest statement made that day.

 “What do you say we finish with the dishes then join the kids in the play room for a movie before bed?” Danny was on the last dish and still hadn't managed to get any time alone with Laura. At this point, she was actually starting to wonder if Laura was actively trying to avoid it happening.

 “Think they would go for Jaws?” Laf was definitely more excited about a movie than washing dishes, “Oh! Or frankenstein?!”

 Perry clicked her tongue and shook her head, “I think they are probably going for something a little less ‘nightmare inducing’ and more the idea of ‘sweet dreams’.”

 “Well thats less fun,” Laf groaned, rinsing the last dish before handing it to Perry to dry. “And its still light outside. Who starts a movie while its still light outside?”

 “Uh, children under the age of 14.” Laura rolled her eyes and grabbed the next dry dish.

 Dinner had been great, only a couple kids ran from the table crying. More ate their food than ended up wearing it, only a couple of adults went missing by the time it was over (probably hiding from their kids) and Gran only broke out into song twice. Laura had gotten so used to life as a college student, life with kids was a whole different ballgame. It was nice to have a break from the chaos, even if it meant she had to wash the dishes from dinner, and a movie before bed still meant bed time would be barely at 9pm. Which meant a whole lot of time for conversations. With Danny. Or Carmilla.

 Speaking of…

 “Has anyone seen Carm?”

Laura was facing away from everyone and missed the defeated slump of Danny’s shoulders. Laf and Perry had been witness to it all day, and while Perry was cheering for Carmilla, it was still hard to watch.

 Laf gave Danny a sympathetic smile before glancing over at Laura. “I saw her head towards the barn when Gran mentioned dinner cleanup.”

 Laura nodded, shutting the cupboard and turning to look at the three near the sink. “I’ll just go check and see if she wants to come watch the movie?”

“Sure, sweetie.” Perry glanced around, spotting the pantry and quickly making her way over, “we will just get some pop corn ready and see you upstairs then.”

As soon as Laura was out the door Danny sighed dramatically, “Alright, whats the deal? You pick up Morticia on the road a couple days ago and now Laura is…”

“Different?” Laf scoffed, turning and leaning back against the counter.

“Yeah.” Even though its exactly what Danny was thinking, it wasn't comforting knowing she was right.

“Carmilla’s not that bad.” Perry interjected, pulling a couple bags of popcorn from the pantry.

“Not that bad?” Danny scoffed, taking a bag from Perry and walking to the microwave, “She’s called me Danny long legs, jolly red giant, red #3—“

“Me and Perry are red 1 and 2.” Laf smiled widely, like they were actually proud of it.

Perry smiled at them then turned to Danny. “I think what they are trying to say is, thats just how Carmilla is. We get the names too, although, yours do seem to be a bit more creative.”

“But you don’t think Laura's avoiding me on purpose.” Danny looked between the two of them, “Do you?”

Laf pulled in a breath, shaking their head and giving Danny a less then convincing look. “Nah, she's just, being Laura.”

“Being a good hostess.” Perry chimed in, “I’m sure by tomorrow and the party she will be back to normal and much more social.”

“Right.” Danny sighed, grabbing a bowl for the popcorn. Somehow she wasn't buying it.

“Oh good!” Gran burst into the kitchen and went straight for the cupboard. “If I have to watch some silly children's movie where a dog sings a song or a bug builds a house or some other ridiculous thing, I am not doing it without popcorn.”

“Uh, Gran?” Laf pointed to the microwave, “We are already popping some.”

Gran looked over her shoulder with a smirk as she pulled something from one of the higher shelves, “Did I say popcorn? I meant whiskey.”

——

“Who eats dinner at 5:00?” Carmilla was mumbling to herself as she walked across the yard, “I’m going to be hungry again in an hour.”

Luckily with a deck full of children, family and food it made it easy for her to sneak away without being noticed. There had been too much going all all day long, she just needed a minute by herself. 

Laura still hadn't tried to talk to her, but that made sense with kids pulling her every which way and Gran stealing her away almost as soon as she had a minute to sit down. Laura was probably due for some alone time too.

Carmilla made it to the fence where just beyond it the horses were grazing. A few clicks of her tongue and one of the horses seemed mildly curious about her. He came over slowly, sticking his head through the space in the fence to investigate. He lost interest as soon as he realized she didn't have any food to offer him. 

"Yeah well, I didn't want to pet you anyway." Carmilla stepped down off the fence and looked around. 

The ranch was much different than the surroundings she was used too. More open and bare. There was a clatter of dishes on wood and Carmilla turned to look-

"Tommy!" Gran grabbed an orange from the table and tossed it towards the 13 year old, "if you're dropping dishes on purpose to get back at me for dropping you as a baby.."

"You dropped me as a baby?!" Tommy screeched as he caught the orange gran had thrown at him. 

Gran just laughed and waved her hands around, "alright, if everyone's finished, let's all help with clean up!"

That was Carmilla's cue to disappear. She had somehow been roped into gather kids before dinner- there was no way she was going to stick around and get tasked with another ridiculous job. The closest place of escape was the barn, so Carmilla headed that direction ignoring the growing volume of kids voices and dishes being gathered. 

The barn was pretty much what she expected it to be. Hay bails stacked along one wall, along with bags of feed and fertilizer. A tractor that looked like it hadn't ran in years was sitting back in a corner. Along another wall was a work bench, covered in tools, random materials and a lot of dust. A lot of dust. 

Carmilla walked to the bench, her fingers leaving a trail in the dust and dirt gathered on its rough surface. She tapped her fingers on pieces of metal, letting it clank and teeter on as she kept moving. She picked up a few tools just to set them back down. Her eyes searched the walls, old license plates and pictures nails above the bench. A trophy for barrel racing, a picture of what looked like the whole family- Laura's gran and granddad standing together, holding the reigns of horses with young girls sitting in the saddles, all with beaming smiles. 

Carmilla picked out who she thought was Laura's mom immediately. If she wasn't looking so closely, she could have been mistaken for Laura they looked so alike. Same smile, same light. Carmilla pulled the photo from the wall and used the hem of her shirt to clean the dust from it before hanging it back up. 

She was about to turn around and leave, not really finding anything worth sticking around for when she spotted a dish at the end of the tool bench with a couple pairs of keys. When she reached the dish it was obvious one set was for the tractor. The other? 

She glanced around, knowing exactly what she was looking for before she even spotted it. Peeking out from behind the tractor was something small, covered in an old dirty cloth. 

Her smile grew as her hand wrapped around the edge and yanked on the sheet. Dirt flew into the air, a cloud of dust swirling around her as the sheet settled to the ground in a bundle. 

"Jackpot." Carmilla smiled, hands on her hips as she looked the old motorcycle over. 

Now this, this was working hanging out in a barn for. 

\--

"Carm?" Laura didn't actually say it loudly. She was still trying to figure out what she was going to say once she found her. They hadn't talked all day besides the types of conversations you can have in front of small children and eavesdropping aunts and uncles.

"Just jump out of the airplane." Laura was talking to herself as she walked across the yard. "Who cares if you don't know if your parachute will open?" She blew out what was supposed to be a calming breath. It wasn't. "I do. I care. I like parachutes. And the ground. And not in the falling toward it at incredibly fast speeds way, but in the I never want to leave the ground for anything way. Ever."

Talking to herself was only making her more nervous so she decided silence was probably better this time. Which actually worked. 

With all the kids gathered inside, it was actually really nice outside. The breeze was cool as the early evening sun slowly dipped in the sky. They were far enough from any big city that the only sounds were birds chirping, sounds of the grass and leaves blowing in the light wind, and the horses grazing in the pasture. And the string of swear words coming from the barn. 

Laura walked towards the large bark door, gravel crunching under her feet as she went. She stopped near the door, waiting to see if she could figure out what Carmilla was doing before she walked in. 

"Son of a--" clank, "just fucking--" clank clank, "stop being so stubborn."

Laura smiled and stepped around the corner, "talking to yourself?" She wanted to smirk but instead couldn't stop her jaw from dropping. 

Carmilla was laying on the ground, covered in dirt and grease, one sleeve pushed up to her shoulder, wrench in hand, and hair falling in her face. Soft sunlight pierced through weather worn cracks in the barn walls and dust sparkled as it swirled in the space surrounding them. 

Have you ever heard of quiet thunder? Standing there as Carmilla looked up at her, she sparked like lightning and Laura was suddenly falling like rain. Carmilla was a force of nature, one Laura usually would have taken cover from. Maybe it was the look in Carmilla's eyes, but something told Laura they would be the perfect storm if she wasn’t so afraid of the quiet thunder in her chest.

Because Laura was scared. Because just like the storm, Carmilla was unpredictable and could change course at any second. Quiet rain one moment then a hurricane the next. And where would that leave Laura? Alone and picking up the pieces of the storm that would no doubt rip through her heart. 

But just like a storm, sometimes it was too late to prepare and all you could do was brace yourself for the fallout. 

Carmilla sat up, resting her arms on her raised knees and swinging the wrench loosely in her hand, "pick a lane?"

"What?" It came out a squeak so Laura cleared her throat as she stepped further into the barn, "what?"

There. That sounded less pathetic. 

"Have you decided if you're avoiding me or talking to me?" Carmilla licked her lips and wiped her brow with the back of her hand. 

"I'm ready to talk." Laura practically announced it. 

" _You're_ ready?" Carmilla scoffed slightly and moved to stand up. 

"Yeah?" Laura responded a little unsure. She was ready. She had spent most of the day thinking and she was ready to talk now. 

"And what if I'm not?" Carmilla set the wrench down and grabbed a rag from the work bench, doing her best to wipe her hands clean. 

Oh. Laura hadn't even considered that being a possibility. 

"I know I have things to apologize for." Carmilla paused and turned to face Laura, "But so do you."

"What?" It almost sounded like a laugh. What did Laura possibly have to apologize for? She wasn't the one that lied, or mislead, or tricked..

"You wrote me off without letting me explain." 

Oh, that. 

"I can see how you would have liked all the information I didn't give you. But I wasn't ready. And you aren't entitled to anything." Carmilla didn't sound angry. In fact, she was explaining it as nicely as Perry would have. Matter of factly, and honest. 

Laura was thrown off for a second before she realized Carmilla was right. "Oh my gosh. You're right. I didn't even— I'm sorry, Carm."

Carmilla looked at her for a moment, seemingly satisfied by the answer, but instead of responding she turned back to the motorcycle sitting in the center of the barn. 

Now Laura was really confused. Did this mean they could talk? Or not yet? If there was an award for 'standing awkwardly while your crush ignored you completely', Laura would have won it. Big time. 

"Uh, should I go, then?" She pointed her thumb over her shoulder to the door, "or, wait, maybe?”

Carmilla smiled, making sure to face away from Laura completely. It was never going to stop being fun messing with Laura, but even she wasn't dumb enough to let this opportunity go. Alone time on this trip had come rarely, and especially since getting to Gran’s. Who knew how long they had before some tiny person or extremely tall red head came barging in.

It helped that her hands were busy and she didn't actually have to look at Laura. She knew she needed to explain, she just knew it wouldn't be easy. “When I left—“

“Oh! We’re talking. Ok, okay wait.” Laura looked around quickly, spotting a stool and running to grab it, pulling it over, dragging it on the ground loudly before sitting down on it. 

Carmilla was crouching near the motorcycle and turned to watch Laura over her shoulder. Whatever nervous tension she was feeling before, left as she watched the awkward girl move about the barn.

“Okay, sorry. Ready.” Laura’s attention was now fully on Carmilla, settled onto her stool and not even thinking about getting sidetracked by asking what Carmilla was actually doing.

Carmilla chuckled and walked back to the work bench, grabbing the rag and a tool from the open tool box. “Look, its a long story, but the main points are when you found me, I had just left my entire life behind. I grew up being shaped to take over a company I didn't want, a mother that treated me more like an employee or meal ticket than a child, and a girlfriend that…” She sighed at the memory of it all. “A girlfriend that I thought… I thought love was involved when really all she wanted was what I could offer her.”

She had been so wrong. She had no idea what love was then. What she had with Ell was a poor substitute for feeling needed. It wasn't close to love. Hell, it wasn't even close to what she felt for Laura. Whatever that was.

Maybe that's why she was so drawn to Laura and how she made her feel. It had nothing to do with need. And everything to do with want. 

“Do you,” Laura shifted on her stool, second guessing her question, “still, love her, i mean?”

“What? No.” Carmilla looked up at her, her expression serious. “I don't think I ever really did. It wasn't real. Any of it. Her. Me. Whatever we were together. There wasn't much honest about it at all.”

Her last comment was out of her mouth before she cold think about it. Thats what had caused their problems in the first place. Carmilla hadn't been honest. And that was what she really needed to explain. Laura didn't care about her mother, her business or any of that. She had been hurt because Carmilla had failed to be completely honest with her. Something Carmilla understood completely.

She watched Laura’s attention drop to her lap, obviously aware of the same thing Carmilla was. Before she could think, she crossed the empty space between them and reached out to touch Laura’s shoulder to get her attention back. Laura looked up through eyelashes with a guarded expression and it made something in Carmilla chest clench.

“Look.” Carmilla moved her hand from Laura’s shoulder to tuck some hair behind her ear before pulling her hand back. “There's a lot about me that's not even _about_ _me_. The name, the stories, the idea, has always overpowered the reality of who I am. I never had the chance to be _just_ Carmilla.

“With you, I had the chance to figure out who that is.” She shrugged, her shoulders, relaxing like saying it out loud was lifting a weight from them, “Without you having any idea of who that was before now. I didn't have to fit your idea of who I was supposed to be. I could just, fit my own.”

It was a lot to take in. Laura felt relieved at Carmilla’s confession that she hadn't loved Ell. She felt guilty that she had shortened Carmilla’s chance to explore who she was without expectations. She felt unexplainably happy that Carmilla had finally let down what seemed to be the final wall keeping herself hidden. 

Carmilla actually looked nervous as she stood there waiting for a response. She was wringing the dirty rag in her hands, her jaw clenched, and eyes searching Laura’s face carefully.

Laura had no clue what to say besides the obvious. “I’m sorry.”

Apparently that wasn't the response Carmilla was looking for because she just sighed and turned back to the motorcycle.

“Carmilla.” Laura stood up and walked over, putting herself on the opposite side of the motorcycle as Carmilla, “I’m serious.”

“I know.” Carmilla was focused, but not on Laura. She had spent the last hour or so tinkering and adjusting things in the hopes of getting the bike to start. It was a long shot, but it had been something to focus on that didn't involve feelings. It was a machine, with parts and measurements and rules. 

“I shouldn't have pushed you to tell me everything.” Laura felt almost desperate to make sure Carmilla knew what she meant, but the other girl just kept messing with the old bike between them. “I just wanted to know you. Because you’re this mysterious person that just sort of appeared and was a thorn in my side. Then you weren't so much a thorn as some exotic flower that was beautiful but still a completely confusing. And I’m me, so I push and I don’t know when to stop. And you were just confusing me more, pushing my buttons and making me doubt what I was doing or more so just made me realize I was already doubting. I didn't mean to— wait, what are you doing?”

Carmilla had stood up mid rant and was riffling through tools and scrap materials on the tool bench looking for something. She found what she was looking for, a short hose. She slung it over her shoulder and went back to the bike, lifting it off its stand pushing it out the barn door. “Do you know what this is?”

Laura threw up her hands in defeat, Carmilla wasn't even listening to her, she was focused on some motorcycle, “No. What is it?” She rolled her eyes and started to follow Carmilla outside. 

“Its a 1956 Triumph Tiger T110.” Carmilla said it like it was the greatest thing in the world.

“Okay?” Laura followed reluctantly. It wasn't hard, Carmilla was going slowly. “Why don’t you just start it instead of push it?”

Carmilla scoffed and looked over her shoulder while she kept pushing. She had pushed it out of the barn and down the gravel driveway that led along the side of the house, then turned and pushed it towards the cars lined up out front. As soon as she made it to Danny’s truck she stopped, put the bike on its stand and grabbed the hose that was still resting over her shoulder. “It needs gas.”

Laura looked confused for about two seconds. Thats how long it took for Carmilla to open the gas cap on Danny’s truck and stick the end of the hose in.

“You cant be serious.” Laura looked around then ducked, hiding behind the truck body as she watched Carmilla open the gas tank on the motorcycle.

“I have to get it from somewhere.” Carmilla smirked as she adjusted the hose before starting to syphon gas from Danny’s truck into the tank on the bike.

“And you picked Danny’s truck because…?” Laura hadn't been completely oblivious to how unfriendly the pair had been to each other. They hadn't come right out and said they didn't like each other, but it was fairly obvious.

Carmilla shrugged, “It was closest.”

Laura scoffed and rolled her eyes. It wasn't the closest. They had passed 3 other cars in the driveway before they got to Danny’s. With Carmilla focused on the motorcycle Laura took it upon herself to be the look out. Once again in a situation she never thought she would be in, courtesy of Carmilla. Although, this wasn't dangerous at all, and it was Danny. She wouldn't be mad. Not at Laura anyway.

Gas spilled out the tank and Carmilla yanked the hose out, stopping the flow of gas. She at least had the decency to replace the gas cap on Danny’s truck before lifting the bike and pushing it further down the drive. Laura followed. Might as well at this point.

“Its never going to start.” Laura steps were heavy, the crunch of gravel under her feet as she followed Carmilla slowly. She crossed her arms over her chest and tilted her head to watch.

“You don’t know that.” Carmilla looked over her shoulder at Laura before turning back to the bike.

“Uh, yeah I do.” Laura walked over, standing near the front tire. “That thing has been in the barn as long as I can remember. I don’t think I’ve every heard it run. Why would you be able to make it work after all this time?”

“Maybe I have the magic touch.” Carmilla didn't look up but the familiar smirk was on her face.

Laura hadn't realized how much she had missed this. It was just a day. One day of barely talking and finally having a normal conversation felt like finally breathing. 

The magic touch apparently didn't mean it would be quick. After a few minutes Laura sat down on the ground and just watched. Carmilla ran back to the barn more than once to grab a new tool or some kind of oil. It was quite fascinating watching her work. Laura knew nothing about mechanics but at this point, she was sure it was useless. The bike was old and hadn't been started in years.

“Alright.” Carmilla huffed, standing up and brushing her hands on her pants. At this point there was more oil and dirt on her than the bike.

“Here goes try number 304.” Laura sighed teasingly.

“Oh ye of little faith.” Carmilla shook her head at Laura with a smile, “Keep this up and I wont give you a ride.”

Laura snorted and stood up, “You think you can push it with us both on it? Doesn't sound very thrilling.”

Laura walked around the motorcycle, looking it over. It definitely looked cleaner. Less dust and clean oil. Outside of that, Laura had no clue how to tell if Carmilla was actually close to getting it started. They had sat out there long enough and who knew how long Carmilla had been working on it before Laura found her. One thing was for sure, Carmilla was determined. 

“Whats so cool about a Triumph Cougar..?”

“Tiger.” Carmilla called back from her spot at Laura’s car. “And look at it. Its sexy as hell.”

Laura chuckled then glanced to where Carmilla had walked off to. If back to normal was what she wanted, thats what she got. Carmilla was leaning into the back seat of the car, her jacket was draped over the open door, along with her grease covered shirt.

“Carm!” Laura did her typical whisper yell, “You cant just take your clothes off in my grandmothers driveway.”

Carmilla didn't even bother turning around, “Calm down, its 2 seconds.” 

She was right. And had she asked, Laura would have told her it was a fantastic two seconds.

Carmilla waltzed back with a new shirt on, still not entirely clean, having been left in the car during their trip, but cleaner than the grease stained one she had just taken off. She pulled her jacket on and walked directly to the motorcycle. She swung her leg over, positioning herself over the seat and adjusted the kick start petal under her foot.

“Ready to hear the Tiger purr?” Carmilla grinned at Laura as she shifted her weight.

“Oh please. I'll be impressed if it putters.” Laura actually blushed as much as she hated admitting it. You would have never known just a little while earlier they were offering heartfelt if not awkward apologies. And now, it was like the flirting had never stopped.

The first couple kicks nothing happened. Laura crossed her arms, a smug look on her face but Carmilla wasn't giving up. Then it happened. The engine actually puttered.

Laura’s eyes went wide and she dropped her arms to her sides, “No way.”

Carmilla kicked once, twice, then on the third time the engine roared to life. 

“What did I tell you?” Carmilla smiled wide and pulled the throttle gently, letting the engine roar a little and warm up. “Well, how about that ride?”

Laura looked around, “Seriously?”

She was supposed to be getting Carmilla and taking her inside for a movie with everyone, _with Danny_. Not riding away on a once dead motorcycle to who knows where.

Carmilla pat the open space behind her on the seat and shifted closer to the front, watching Laura closely. “Don’t you trust me?”

It was a simple question, but it was a loaded one, and it brought them back to the conversation in the barn. It was Carmilla’s way of saying she accepted Laura’s apology and asking if Laura had accepted hers.

Not a lot had been said. It was a watered down version of what could have been a major conversation, but the main points had been covered. Carmilla knew there was more she would eventually have to divulge, details about her family, her business, and her role in it all. But she was hoping Laura would be willing to let her share it all in her own time. She also hoped there would be time, with Laura, to be able to share more than just her past.

Laura didn't hesitate, immediately climbing on behind Carmilla and settling her hands loosely on her hips. 

Carmilla shifted the bike out of neural and revved the engine with a smile on her face. "Hold on."

——

They had to of gone a couple miles before Carmilla registered anything besides the wind on her face and Laura's arms wrapped tightly around her body. The engine was loud and a trail of dust followed them down the old dirt road. 

Carmilla didn't know where she was going but it didn't seem to matter. It was mostly dirt roads lining open fields and the occasional house or barn.  Laura's grip tightened the faster she went and Carmilla couldn't think of a better reason to speed up.

The early evening air was cool and the sky was lit up with warm colors as the sun hung low on the horizon. 

Carmilla had missed the feeling of freedom riding gave her.

"Where are we going?" Laura's voice was happy as she spoke over the sound of the engine and wind. 

She had happily taken her place against Carmilla's back, her arms wrapped tightly around her and her chin sitting just over her shoulder so she could see. She had a hard time deciding where to watch. The road, or Carmilla. 

Despite the harsh sound of the engine and quick pace of the bike, Carmilla's movements were almost fluid, careful even. Her right hand gripped the throttle gently, turning it with care, not abruptly. Her other hand pulled on the clutch slowly and purposefully, fingertips resting easily over the breaks.

It wasn't the first time Laura had noticed how gently Carmilla approached things. It always surprised her though. For someone working so hard to present a harsh demeanor, there was little about her that was actually harsh. 

"Wherever you want." Carmilla turned her head slightly towards Laura, her lips parting in a smile. 

Carmilla felt Laura's hands grip tighter around her and instead of speeding up, slowed her speed a little. She knew it wouldn't exactly the same thing, but she had an idea. 

"Let go." Carmilla called out over the noise of the wind. 

"What?!" Laura's arms griped tighter instinctively, "no way!"

"Come on," Carmilla slowed down a little more, the engine rumbling more than roaring now, "it'll be riding a bike with no hands."

Laura heard her just fine but still wasn't sure about what she was saying. It was a fear for a reason. A slowly moving pedal bike was scary enough, not holding on now just seemed plain crazy. 

Then Laura's eyes grew wide as she watched Carmilla drop her hand from the clutch to grip onto a hand wrapped around her waist. It took some effort, Laura was holding on fairly tight, but eventually Carmilla pulled the hand away from her body and held it tightly as she lifted it out to the side.  

Once Carmilla couldn't feel much resistance she let go of Laura's hand and settled it back down on the clutch. Laura giggled, holding one hand out to the side of the bike as they sped down the road. It took a minute before Carmilla felt her other hand loosen from around her waist and let go a few times, moving a couple inches away, then back again, testing it out.

Laura finally gathered enough courage to pull her other hand away from Carmilla's body and hold it out to the side. Her giggle grew to loud laugher as she held her arms out like wings, the wind rushing past her quickly. She closed her eyes and let her head lean back, warm sunlight on her skin challenging the cool air flowing around her body. 

Carmilla caught glimpses of Laura's smile in the mirror and couldn't help but smile. She had felt a little trapped most of the day, it was exhilarating to feel so much freedom and know Laura felt it too. 

"Alright, hold on." Carmilla downshifted and slowed down. 

Laura's arms were back around Carmilla just in time, holding tighty as Carmilla pulled off the main dirt road and into a less used path marked by a pair of tire tracks. The ride was much less smooth and Laura laughed as they bounced over bumps and dips in the road. 

"Where are we going?" Laura's voice came out full of stutters from the heavy vibration rumbling through the bike from the uneven ground. 

"You'll see." Carmilla had actually been surprised she managed to get the bike to start at all, she didn't want to get too far and end up stranded. A few miles down the road she spotted a water tower and decided that would be their destination. Without knowing how long the bike would actually stay alive, coupled with the fact that someone was bound to notice their absence if they were gone too long, it seemed like a safe bet. It wasn't too far away and would still feel like an adventure. 

The closer they got to the tower, the tougher the road got to drive on. Carmilla had slowed down quite a bit but was glad to find Laura had no intention of loosening her grip. The tire marks on the ground finally came to a stop and Carmilla did the same. 

She shut off the motor and turned on the seat to look at Laura, "ready to walk?"

"Sure." Laura breathed out, a little relieved the abrupt bouncing had stopped. 

Carmilla turned back to face the front and waited. She looked down at the arms still wrapped around her and smiled, "you're gonna have to let go."

"Right." Laura pulled her arms away quickly, chuckling nervously. She climbed off the bike first and tried to brush through her hair with her fingers. "This is never going to untangle."

Carmilla climbed off the bike and set it on its stand, her own hand attempting to run through her hair. "Embrace it. It's a good look for you."

Carmilla nodded silently towards the tower just a short walk away and started wading through the tall grass towards it. Laura followed behind her, walking in the trodden path Carmilla left her. It had been such an interesting evening. Not much talking, but the feeling that a lot had been said. It felt normal to just walk in silence. Like they were falling back into the unexpected rhythm they had created over the past week. 

Then they were standing at the bottom of a rusted water tower, a ladder standing lopsided in front of them and the familiar feeling of butterflies erupted in Laura's stomach. 

It always happened like this with Carmilla. It was nerves and excitement and un surety all rolled into one. It was doing something just outside of her comfort zone that made it easy and hard all at the same time. 

To Carmilla's surprise, she didn't even have to say anything. Laura took one look up the ladder, blew out a heavy breath and started climbing. At first her steps seemed sure and confident, but the higher she got, the slower she moved. 

Carmilla had started following as soon as there was space too and had to slow her own steps so she wouldn't run into Laura, "afraid of heights, cream puff?"

"I don't know what I'm doing." Laura didn't sound scared, more distracted. 

"Climbing a ladder." Carmilla wasn't sure she knew what Laura was trying to say. There wasn't much to it. One foot following the other in an upward direction. That's what she was doing. 

"No." Laura scoffed, pausing to look down at Carmilla with an unamused expression. "Not now. I mean ever. In life."

It seemed like a strange conversation to have in this particular situation but Carmilla decided to roll with it. 

"Nobody does."

"I thought I did." Laura sighed, watching her foot find the next rung on the ladder. She wasn't sure herself what had started this train of thought, but it was happening. Maybe it was skipping out on what she _should_ have been doing (movie with her friends and family) to go with Carmilla, without knowing where they would be going. Maybe it was climbing a ladder without knowing exactly why. Maybe it was what she had tried to explain to Carmilla earlier in the barn. 

Carmilla confused her. Not only her feelings, but with everything really. Making her second guess her 'plan', which with the help from Carmilla, she realized wast just her shooting in the dark and hoping for the best. Yeah, some plan. 

Laura sighed, leaning to the side to see how much further they had to climb, "I had it all figured out, you know? Now I'm not so sure.”

“Had what figured out?” Carmilla still wasn't sure what exactly they were talking about, she was more focused on the fact that Laura had slowed to a snails pace and they still had a ways to go to get to the top of the ladder.

“I don’t know. Everything?” Laura picked up her pace, but still wasn't moving quickly. “Finish school, move west, get a good job, climb the ladder.” She chuckled humorlessly at the last thing on her list, “Not an _actual_ ladder, a figurative one. Hopefully that'll be less work than this. Why are we climbing this again?”

Carmilla smiled at how easily Laura had gone from internally struggling to complaining about climbing the water tower. “Hey you started on your own, I'm just following your lead.”

“What?!” Laura stopped and looked down at Carmilla on the ladder below her. “Are you serious?”

Carmilla shrugged, “You just started climbing.”

“See?” Laura threw out one of her arms, “This is exactly what I’m talking about. I though this was the plan! And I was wrong!”

Carmilla chuckled, “Cupcake, I’m messing with you.” She took another step up and patted Laura’s leg, “We are almost there, keep going.”

Laura huffed, shooting a halfhearted glare in Carmilla’s direction before she started climbing again.

As entertaining as this was for Carmilla, she could tell it was about something more than just climbing a water tower and it was really bothering Laura. She had never been good at pep talks or comforting others- mostly because she usually avoided it like the plague, but she couldn’t push down the desire to say something, anything, to help Laura.

“Life isn't black and white. Nothing is.” Carmilla watched Laura reach the top of the ladder and crawl over the edge onto the platform lining the water tower. “You can make all the plans you want, but it rarely ever goes how you think or want.”

Laura crawled along the metal platform and out of the way for Carmilla to climb the rest of the way up, “But I had a good plan. Why shouldn't it be that simple?”

“Nothing is simple.” Carmilla sighed as she finally reached the top, pushing herself up far enough to twist and sit on the ledge with her feet hanging down on the ladder, “Besides, if you get stuck on the idea of what you think your life should be, you’ll miss out on what it _could_ be like.”

“I don’t follow.” Laura pulled her legs up and leaned back against the water basin.

Carmilla knew first hand what she was talking about. She had never planned for things to lead her to this point, to be here with Laura, but now that she was there… she couldn't imagine it any other way.

“Tell me this,” Carmilla scooted back to sit shoulder to shoulder with Laura, “What color is grass?”

“Green.” Laura answered, clearly confused where Carmilla was going with this.

“And the sky?”

“Blue.”

Carmilla nodded and looked around at the view in front of them. The water tower was high enough to give them a view that stretched out for miles. The ground covered in fields of grass and wheat and other  plants. The sky was rippling colors of blue, orange and red as the sun dipped lower as the night grew later.

“Doesn’t look blue to me.” Carmilla looked over at Laura who seemed lost in thought, “The sky is beautiful when its blue. But that doesn't mean its not beautiful when it changes.”

Laura looked over at Carmilla, completely amazed by her words and the way she said them. Carmilla was constantly surprising her, in the best way possible.

Carmilla couldn't help but think the statement wasn't only true about the sky. It was true in the way Laura’s eyes changed from their usual warm brown to having flecks of gold shimmer within them. “The world is too colorful to only let yourself see it in black and white.”

——

Danny shifted on the pile of pillows in the floor, craning to look at the doorway before sighing once again, at seeing no one coming.

“You need to stop doing that.” Laf looked over annoyed, “you’re interrupting the ambiance of the whole movie.”

“Its Frozen.” Danny groaned, “my attitude couldn't be more fitting if I tried.”

Laf looked over, then back to the tv. Danny wasn't going to stop sighing and they knew it. “Alright, whats up?”

Danny looked over like she knew they already knew the answer. They did.

“Fine, so Laura hasn't come back yet.” Laf grabbed a handful of popcorn, “But we are only a little bit into the movie.”

“Half.” Danny frowned. “We’ve watched half of the movie and its starting to get dark and she still hasn't come back.”

“Look.” Laf offered Danny the bowl of popcorn, frowning when they got a shake of the head in response, “The last week has been kind of crazy. You may not know Carmilla or what happened, but you have to stop treating it as if she doesn't matter in this situation.”

“I’m not—“

“You are.”

They were interrupted by a bunch of shushing, rightfully so. Laf nodded towards the doorway and stood up and headed that direction. Danny followed quietly, stepping out in to the hallway.

“You think things are the same as where you left them but a lot has happened since then.” Laf was still talking quietly, glancing through the doorway at the television. They really wanted to get back to the movie. It was no Frankenstein, but it was still good. “But there are new people and things and stuff and—“

“I get it.” Danny sighed, shifting her weight and leaning against the wall, blocking Laf’s view. “Just because I don't like Carmilla, doesn't mean Laura feels the same.”

“Right.” Laf stepped towards the door to get back in to watch the movie but stopped when Danny kept talking.

“And just because I want to pick up where we left off, doesn't mean Laura’s in the same place.” Danny was finally getting it. She had been excited to see Laura again and only saw Carmilla as a complication. Someone Laura felt the need to help. When really, Laura actually liked Carmilla. Danny just wasn't sure how much. “So I just need to explain to Laura how I feel so everything is on the table. Carmilla doesn't have to be competition. As soon as Laura knows, it’ll simplify everything.”

“Well, I mean, talking is good but—“

“Thanks Laf.” Danny smiled then turned and walked back into the play room, dropping back into her spot in the pillows and taking a handful of popcorn.

Laf stood there stunned a moment before walking back in and taking their place next to Perry. They weren't completely sure how things were going to turn out, but it would definitely be interesting to watch. 

——

Laura had been speechless after Carmilla’s comment about the world being colorful and beautiful. She was right, which should have made things less confusing for her, but she wasn't sure thats what had come from it at all.

They had been siting in silence since then, leaning back against the water basin at the top of the tower. The world around them shifting closer to darkness. She wasn't sure how long they had been gone, or even how long they had been sitting atop the tower, but she didn't want to leave.

“Have you ever watched a movie, or read a book, and you can guess whats going to happen before it does?” Laura turned to look at Carmilla.  

Her expression was soft, relaxed. The world around them was quiet but not silent. Birds chirping, buzzing of insects, the breeze blowing through tall grass, it was peaceful and magical as a sliver of the moon made an appearance in the darkening sky. The sun sang its final song as it dropped low enough to barely peek over the horizon.

Laura smiled before she kept talking, looking back to the view in front of them, “Its like, you shouldn't know, its a new story, but somehow, its just, predictable? No surprises.”

Carmilla was watching Laura now, realizing it wasn't just the world around them changing, but the energy between them. 

“I never know whats going to happen with you.” Laura turned to Carmilla with a bashful smile, “You’re just one surprise after another.”

Carmilla watched Laura’s eyes scan her face, lingering on her lips before catching her eyes again. She swallowed heavily, her heart beating heavily and the only buzzing she noticed now was the electricity in her fingertips.

“We should go.” That is _not_ what she wanted to say. The last thing she wanted to do was leave. But for some reason, something was holding her back and she didn't want to mess this up after just barely fixing it. “The ride back will be pretty cold if we wait any longer.”

Luckily Laura wasn't going to let it go that easily.

“Not yet.” She smiled warmly,  “You'll miss the best part.”

—

Laura was right. It wasn't long before the sun completely disappeared and the sky lit up with stars. With a city nowhere in sight, the stars shone more brightly than Carmilla had ever seen them.

“What are you thinking about?” Laura asked quietly. They had stood up and were now leaning against the railing that lined the water tower, staring into the sky.

“Same as you probably.” Carmilla didn't look away from the star filled darkness above them.

Laura glanced over, seeing the same wistful expression she had seen every time Carmilla had searched for the stars before. 

“I doubt it.” Was all she said in return. Because even though she was pretty sure _something_ was happening between them, she wasn't sure what it was yet. And _that_ , was all she could think about right now.

Carmilla chuckled, “Wanna bet?”

“No.” Laura answered immediately. There was no way she was going to admit what she was thinking about without knowing what Carmilla thought first.

“On 3?” Carmilla raised an eyebrow, the challenge clear in her voice. She ignored Laura shaking her head and pressing her lips together to try and fight her smile, “one…”

“Carm, no.” Laura tried to sound stern, but halfway thought her refusal she smiled.

“Two…”

Laura turned away and crossed her arms. “I’m not playing.”

“You have to.” Carmilla stepped closer to her, “two and a half…”

Laura glared at her and sighed in defeat. At least thats what she wanted Carmilla to think. “Fine.”

Carmilla nodded slowly, “Three.”

Laura opened her mouth like she was going to say something but silence fell between them. When she realized Carmilla had done the same thing she had tried to do to her, she smacked her shoulder with a laugh. “Jerk! You weren't going to say anything either!”

Carmilla chuckled and turned back to the railing, leaning her forearms on it and looking back up at the sky. “I was thinking… I’ve never seen the stars this close before.”

Laura turned to her with a smile, “You know, thats actually the first nice thing you ever said to me.”

Carmilla looked over, confusion written all over her face.

Laura laughed and leaned her shoulder into Carmilla’s, “then you passed out in my arms so it may not really count.”

Carmilla laughed loudly, covering her face with her hand and shaking her head, “Yeah, no. That definitely shouldn't count.”

“Yeah. You did hit your head pretty hard and it was the middle of the day.” Laura leaned back down on the railing, “There weren't any stars to see.”

Carmilla knew Laura was wrong. She hadn't been talking about the kind of stars you see in the sky. She had been talking about Laura’s eyes. And maybe the concussion had made her say it in a strange way, but the meaning was real.

“You’re cold.” Carmilla shook herself from her thoughts when she noticed Laura rubbing her arms for warmth.

“I’m fine.” Laura lied, shaking her head and standing up straight.

Carmilla didn't buy it, immediately letting her leather jacket drop from her shoulders. Laura tried to refuse—

 

“but then _you’ll_ be cold.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“I really don’t need it.”

“Your skin is freezing.”

 

 —but Carmilla reached it around Laura’s back and draped it over her shoulders for her.

“Really, I’m fine.” Laura protested as she found the arms of the jacket and pushed her hands through them.

Carmilla just shook her head as she adjusted the jacket, straightening out the front then fixing the collar. 

“Thanks.” Laura whispered, reaching up and resting her hands over Carmilla’s as they gripped to the collar.

Carmilla had been so focused on getting Laura to wear the jacket she hadn't noticed how close they were. But now Laura’s hands were resting atop her own and she felt that jolt of electricity again, sparking something in her chest. They made eye contact and Laura watched as Carmilla’s pupils went wide, lit up by starlight. Laura licked her lips, her mouth feeling dry, and watched Carmilla’s eyes drop to her mouth, followed by a heavy swallow.

Carmilla stepped back abruptly, surprising them both. 

Carmilla had never loved anything as much as she loved the stars. Until now. And it terrified her. Because Laura was the North Star, and Carmilla was a black hole that would surely swallow her whole.

As much as Carmilla wanted to reach out and touch the stars, she knew she would rather spend a lifetime searching for her in the night sky until the sun came up each morning, than pull her into the darkness that surrounded her. Laura belonged in the sky. Shining bright for the world. Not lost in oblivion like Carmilla was sure would happen if she took things any further.

She would love her like she loved the stars. Endlessly, constantly, no matter if she could lay her eyes upon their beauty. Because the stars were unreachable, untouchable, but never, never unlovable. Carmilla decided she would love Laura from afar so she would never dim her light.

“We should get back.” The words felt heavy, like they didn't want to be spoken and Carmilla prayed Laura wouldn't be upset.

She wasn’t. Just confused.

“Sure.” She nodded softly before she shrugged a shoulder, “Everyones probably wondering where we are anyway.”

Carmilla waited until Laura had made it a ways down the ladder before releasing the heavy breath that had been weighing down her chest. Only it wasn't the air, it was the feeling of worry. Worry that she had done the wrong thing.

The bike took a few extra kicks before it puttered to life more than roared this time. The headlight was dim, offering only a short distance of vision in front of the bike. That meant a slower ride back than before. That was fine for Carmilla. Without her jacket, the wind was cold and caused her skin to prickle at the bitter feeling. But her back was warm, Laura’s body resting gently against it. Whatever was said or done at the top of the tower hadn't changed the way Laura was treating her. She was still warm and kind, her grip still firm around her waist.

She could feel Laura’s cheek resting against her shoulder, no longer laughing or letting her arms fight against the wind. This ride felt different than the one that had led them to the water tower. And not in a bad way.

“Cold?” Laura asked just loudly enough to be heard over the engine.

Carmilla glanced over her shoulder before turning back to the road and offering a small nod. Laura’s arms wrapped around her tighter, her hands taking turns holding around her waist while the other tried to rub warmth into her arms as they rode down the dirt road in the dark.

——

Danny saw the headlight coming down the driveway through the window and ditched the bowl of ice-cream she was eating and made her way to the door. Remembering what Laf had said she tried to pace herself. She couldn't expect Laura to ditch Carmilla for her, but she could still try to remind Laura she had invited her there for a reason.

When she opened the door she went completely unnoticed. Laura and Carmilla were climbing off a motorcycle, both smiling and talking quietly enough Danny couldn't hear. She watched them, noticing the body language and proximity was that of people that were no longer strangers. It didn't matter that that was how Danny saw Carmilla, it wasn't how Laura saw her.

“Hey!” Danny called out, forcing a smile and stepping down the front steps.

“Hey! Danny.” Laura stepped back from Carmilla, rocking on her heels and intertwining her hands in front of her body. “Whats up?”

“You missed the movie.” Danny smiled, walking towards them. “Gran started a sing along. Insisting she was Elsa.” Danny made a face then chuckled, “She made me sing the part of Anna.”

“Well if the hair fits.” Carmilla said dryly.

Laura chuckled and Danny clenched her jaw, trying not to spit out a comeback or roll her eyes. She was making an effort. It was difficult.

“Well there you are!” 

The three of them all turned towards the front door where Gran was standing with her hands on her hips.

“I swear, if y'all made me walk up and down those stairs one more time looking for you I was going to revolt and just slide down them in a laundry basket.” Gran threw an arm out dramatically, “And you know Grandad said I wasn't allowed to do that anymore!”

Laura laughed and walked around Carmilla and Danny towards Gran, “Well we are here now so whats the big deal?”

“The kids are asking for a bedtime story.” Gran smiled, giving Laura a hug as soon as she was reachable.

Laura just about squealed. Bedtime stories was a tradition that started years ago. Every family get together, Laura was always the one that got to put the kids to bed because the kids refused to let anyone else do it.

Danny and Carmilla looked at each other, equally uncomfortable that they had been left in the driveway alone. But Danny knew whatever happened, Laura would see, so she tried to be nice.

“Should we…?” She looked at Carmilla and gestured towards the house.

Carmilla just raised an eyebrow, still unimpressed with Danny as an entire person. When Danny just kept standing there Carmilla rolled her eyes in annoyance, “What? Are you waiting for me to braid your hair and gossip about how Betty likes Chad but Chad likes Amy but Amy is _totally_ into Sara?” Her voice was dripping with sarcasm and clearly she couldn't care less about trying to be nice.

Danny clenched her jaw and turned towards the house, “You’re literally the worst.” 

Laura was too excited about story time to say anything about the obvious bickering happening and just turned to Gran instead. “I’ll go right up!” Laura was grinning ear to ear until Gran grabbed her arm just as she was walking into the house.

“Actually,” She smiled and looked out to the pair of girls walking towards the door, “They are asking for Carmilla.”

“What?”

“You’re kidding.”

“Shut the front door.”

The three girls all responded at the same time with varying levels of surprise, none greater than Carmilla’s.

“I don’t even like them.” She looked absolutely horrified at the idea.

Laura wanted to be hurt that they preferred Carmilla over her, but the look on Carmilla’s face made it more funny than anything else.

“They aren't that bad.” Laura laughed, “Its just one story.”

Carmilla wasn't convinced, the face of disgust she made only made Laura smile wider.

“I’ll do it.” Danny volunteered, immediately gaining everyones attention.

“The hell you will.” Carmilla spat out, “They asked for me.”

Now it was Gran, Laura and Danny’s turn to be shocked as Carmilla marched past them and straight for the stairs to go to the playroom.

“Well she may not like the kids but she sure doesn’t like anyone stealing her story time.” Gran chuckled and walked into the house, leaving Danny and Laura both stunned on the porch.

—

“Alright tiny humans,” Carmilla walked into the playroom and stopped when all eyes landed on her. “Whats the deal with story time?”

Her attitude and way of talking should have been the perfect way to repel children, but for some reason, the more she acted annoyed of them, the more they giggled and absolutely loved it.

“You juth tell uth a thtory.” a little girl squirmed excitedly in her sleeping bag on the floor.

The kid was missing teeth. Anyone else would have found it adorable. Carmilla just rolled her eyes. “Have you heard the one of the giant monkey that attacks New York?”

“You mean King Kong?” Tommy wasn't impressed. 

“No one asked you, clumsy.” Carmilla glared at him before starting to walk around the room.

The room was big and completely open. One wall was completely made of whiteboard to be colored on, shelves lined the walls with books and toys, toy chests overflowing with stuffed animals and action figures. Carmilla walked over to one of the open boxes and pulled out a purple ukulele, strumming it a couple times.

“Alright, so since King Kong isn't good enough for you, anyone have any suggestions?” Carmilla tried to tune the ukulele but gave up quickly and set it back down, picked up a tambourine, tapping it against her leg a couple times before dropping it back in the box with the ukulele. 

The suggestions she got were either vetoed by other kids or stories she had never heard of. At this point she thought she should have just let the tall one come up here and try to entertain the kids. Before she knew what was happening, and all out pillow fight had broken out. Apparently they took story time _very_ seriously. 

“Alright, alright,” Carmilla stepped into the middle of the group of kids all gathered in the center of the room and held her arms out, “Knock it off or there will be no story time at all.”

She didn't think it would actually work but one by one the kids settled back into their sleeping bags and under blankets eager for the story. But that also meant she actually had to come up with something. She glanced around the room, figuring she could just grab one of the books from the shelf and read it to satisfy them when she spotted something in the corner. Laying on the ground behind the box that held the ukulele and tambourine was a guitar. It gave her an idea.

“How about..” She walked over and picked up the guitar, “A song instead?”

The kids looked thrilled. Carmilla, not so much.

She was second guessing her brilliant idea as she walked back to where the kids were gathered, until she heard the floor creak out in the hallway. She barely saw any of her hiding at the edge of the doorway in the hall, but it was enough for Carmilla to know it was Laura. 

Which gave her another idea.

She cleared her throat and kicked the top closed on one of the  toy boxes before pushing it across the floor with her foot. “Hey clumsy?”

Tommy looked over with a goofy grin, apparently thrilled at the nickname if it meant Carmilla was aware of him. “Yeah?”

“Have you heard of the Beatles?” She sat down on the box, placing the guitar over her lap and started picking at it slowly, taking a second to tune it.

Laura grinned out in the hallway, her back pressed against the wall just outside the playroom. After watching Carmilla march determinedly towards the pay room she knew she had to see what happened. And now, she was glad she had followed her.

Emory crawled out of her sleeping bag and ran to turn off the light, leaving a single lamp lighting up the room like a nightlight. She spotted Laura in the hallway and was about to say something when Laura lifted her finger to her lips to tell her to be quiet. Emory nodded with a smile and ran back to her sleeping bag, climbing in and hugging her stuffed rabbit tightly.

The other kids seemed to all start doing the same. Laying down and getting situated like it was the regular routine. Heads on pillows, talking reduced to whispers then silence as they waited for Carmilla to follow through with the offer of a song.

Carmilla was trying to act cool, kids were like sharks right? They attack when they smell blood? If she let them see even an ounce of nervousness, she was sure they would strike. Besides, it wasn't the kids that made her nervous, it was Laura.

She was serious when she told Laura in the record shop that she didn't play for anyone. But here she was, strumming out a chord, eyes locked on the doorway where she knew Laura was sitting.

 

[Something in the way she moves](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUiDg26s0o0)

_Attracts me like no other lover_

_Something in the way she woos me_

_I don't want to leave her now_

_You know I believe and how_

 

Once she started playing it was easy. The room was dark and the kids sank further into their beds and she watched as Laura slid down the wall and sat on the floor. The guitar wasn't hers but it felt good to play. Apparently it was a day of finally feeling like herself again. The motorcycle, and now the guitar..

 

_Somewhere in her smile she knows_

_That I don't need no other lover_

_Something in her style that shows me_

_I don't want to leave her now_

_You know I believe and how_

 

As the kids in the room settled further and only the sounds of quiet yawns, the guitar and Carmilla’s soft singing filled the room, it reminded her of how silent the night before had been. When Laura had left her to spend the night alone.

 

_You're asking me will my love grow_

_I don't know, I don't know_

_You stick around and it may show_

_I don't know, I don't know_

 

She had been second guessing all of her decisions that day. Trying to fix things with Laura only to continue to keep her at arms length. And Laura had forgiven her. She had understood, apologized herself and had been nothing but kind still. And Carmilla had fallen for her. She had fallen for her without realizing it was happening. It was the last thing she expected or wanted when she set out on this trip. But it happened. And now she wasn't sure what to do about it.

 

_Something in the way she knows_

_And all I have to do is think of her_

_Something in the things she shows me_

_I don't want to leave her now_

_You know I believe and how_

She finished strumming and let out a slow breath, the reverb of the last chord lingering as she looked around the room. Most eyes were closed as sleeping breaths passed though parted lips. A few kids shifted, burying themselves further into their pillows as they settled into sleep.

Almost silently, Carmilla stood up and walked to the door, leaning the guitar against the wall before stepping out into the hallway. She smiled down at the small body leaning back against the wall with her eyes closed. She pulled the door closed before crouching down and getting as close to Laura as she could without touching her.

“Cupcake.” She whispered it right in her ear, chuckling when Laura flinched away, startled.

“Don’t do that!” Laura whispered harshly as she scrambled to her feet, almost falling back over in the process. She looked around the hallway, relieved no one had witnessed her lack of finesse before turning back to Carmilla to catch her smiling softly at her. “What?”

“Eavesdropping?” Carmilla folded her arms over her chest.

Laura tried to act offended at the accusation but it just made her look more guilty. “No. I wasn’t, I was only listening, secretly, without anyone knowing.”

“Uh huh.” Carmilla’s smile widened. 

“Which now that I say it out loud, I realize that is the exact definition of eavesdropping.” Laura cleared her throat and looked down the hall then back to Carmilla. “It was just, _really_ good. Especially for someone that doesn't play for anyone.”

“Is that so?” Carmilla tilted her head thoughtfully, stepping closer to Laura slowly.

Laura swallowed heavily. Something about Carmilla seemed different. It had felt that way all night. Like she had been trying to make a decision, not sure and constantly in an argument with herself over what to do. And now the decision had been made.

“Yeah. I mean, you should definitely play more, I know I would listen-“ Laura forced herself to keep still and not step away from Carmilla as she moved closer to her, “And the song. Did you know… I mean, from the record shop, the one we both chose?”

Carmilla just smiled, unguarded and beautiful. Of course she knew. It was the one Laura had said was her favorite.

Even though Laura hadn't stepped back, it didn't mean she wasn't nervous. Carmilla did that to her even when she wasn't getting super close to her. “Did you already know how to play it before..?” She wasn't sure what she was trying to say, everything in her mind was a jumble. Was this really happening? "Cause I told you it was my favorite and you played it so well... And I know it wasn't for me..”

Laura froze when she felt a hand take hold of hers. Carmilla’s eyes never looked away from Laura’s as her thumb traced the back of Laura’s hand. 

Her voice was soft when she spoke, “Of course it was for you.”

For a lyric girl, she sure was good at communicating with silence.

Then the floor creaked and Laura pulled her hand back awkwardly, looking to where the sound came from. Carmilla kept her eyes on Laura.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to…” Danny looked as awkward as Laura felt, “I was just headed to bed and thought…”

Laura cleared her throat, looking back to Carmilla, hoping she could see it in her face that she wished they hadn't been interrupted. “Right, yeah.”

_  
Stay._

  
Carmilla stood still, waiting to see what Laura was going to do. It wasn't fair for her to say what she was thinking after keeping her at arms length all night.

_  
Stay._

  
She didn't let herself sigh with disappointment when Laura told Danny she would be right in.

_  
Stay._

  
The only word she let herself say was “Goodnight” when Laura searched her face after wishing her sweet dreams.

_  
Stay._

  
The word echoed in her chest in time with her heartbeat as she watched Laura walk down the hall and further away from where she wanted her to be.

  
“Stay.” She finally whispered as Laura shut the door to the bedroom that Carmilla wouldn't be in that night. 

——

Laura got ready for bed quickly that night. Questions of what could have been or would have been had things played out differently running through her head. And not just that night. But the entire trip. 

She felt bad knowing she was only halfway paying attention to Danny as she recounted the night she had missed by disappearing with Carmilla. Movie night, singalong, Emory trying to impersonate one of the rock trolls from frozen. That she would have liked to see, but otherwise, was glad she had the night she did with Carmilla. 

"Laura." Danny waved her hand in front of her face, "earth to Laura."

"Hmm? What?" Laura shook her head, looking up at Danny.

"You ok?" Danny sat on the edge of the bed, "you were writing in your book then just looked off into space."

"Oh, yeah." Laura shrugged, shutting her journal and smiling, "must just be tired."

"Oh. Ok." Danny stood up, walking around the large bed and pulling back the covers. "Maybe we could go for that walk tomorrow? Before the party?"

Laura smiled and nodded, but knew she wasn't even a little bit excited about it like the thought of spending time with Carmilla. It would have been easier if Danny had done something wrong, but she hadn't. She had been great. But Laura could help the way she felt, or how it had changed over the course of a week. 

\--

 

 

_Day 9_

_9 days. Writing that only makes what I'm about to say sound even more crazy..._

_I think I might be falling for her._

 

 

\--

 

 

 

 

 

\--

 

Carmilla was staring at the ceiling, hands behind her head as she laid in the center of the large bed. She was prepared to spend another night mostly sleepless when she heard something out in the hall. Slowly she propped herself up on her elbows, listening for sounds, curious about who was still up. 

The curtains on the windows were drawn open to let in the moonlight, only a soft glow illuminating the room as Carmilla sat there silently. Her eyes had already adjusted to the darkness, picking out shapes of furniture and lines around the edge of the door. 

She could even make out the copper handle enough to see it start to move slowly like someone was opening the door. 

The door creaked as it opened slowly then the silhouette appeared in the crack of the open door. 

"Laura?"

Carmilla heard a sigh that sounded more relieved than tired. 

"Yeah, it's me."

Carmilla kept her eyes on the door. Laura was still opening it slowly, the hallway dark behind her.

"Are you ok?"

There was enough light for her to see Laura smile and it made her heart flutter. 

"Yeah, I'm ok." Laura tip toed into the room and shut the door behind her.

Carmilla still wasn't sure what she was doing there, so she rolled towards the bedside table and flipped on the small lamp. She blinked quickly at the sudden assault of light as she looked back to where Laura was standing. When she finally got her vision back all she saw was Laura standing at the foot of the bed with a nervous smile on her face. 

"So, um.." Laura looked like she was trying to decide what to say when she blurted out, "Danny snores, a little, not at all actually. But you and I have already shared a bed a bunch so I thought that you wouldn't mind if I.. Um, if I came in here?"

Carmilla pushed herself to sit up all the way and smiled. "Just admit it."

"Admit what?" Laura looked even more nervous if it was possible.  

"You still think I'm kind of wonderful." She smirked and scooted over on the mattress, pulling back the covers and patting the empty space. 

Laura chuckled quietly as she rolled her eyes, but couldn't stop the smile on her face as she moved to climb in the bed next to Carmilla. 

Laura was quick to sink into the soft mattress in the exact way Carmilla had gotten used to. Soft sigh, big yawn, fluff the pillow. Carmilla smiled as she flipped off the small lamp and rolled into her back. For as big as the bed was, if she moved any further over her shoulder would be touching Laura's. 

She could feel her heart thumping in her chest, echoing the elated realization that _she had stayed._

Laura must have been having her own inner monologue because Carmilla could tell she was trying her hardest to be quiet. She hadn't moved, but her breathing was far too controlled for her to be asleep.

Carmilla slowly rolled her head towards Laura, just far enough to see her face and saw Laura was already looking at her out of the corner of her eye. Carmilla just smiled then shifted to lay on her side, one hand sliding under her pillow while the other rested in the tiny space between them. It didn't take Laura long to mirror Carmilla’s position. Silently they laid there, only the soft glow of the stars and moon coming through the window casting bits of light and shadow across their faces.

Carmilla didn't look away from Laura's eyes as her fingertips found Laura's, starting to play with them gently, slowly, innocently. 

Laura didn't know what to do. It was like everything she had been feeling over the last week was all bubbling to the surface. Every frustrated moment that was really her trying to deny how much she actually liked Carmilla, then every moment she had accepted it and didn't know what to do about it. 

The conflicted feelings she had been trying to decipher between Carmilla and Danny were abundantly clear now.  

Emotions were supposed to be raw, ugly, brutal, consuming.. You don't want someone to 'sorta' love you. You don't want to only 'sorta' love someone. You want that love to be a bursting flame, not a candle. 

What she felt for Danny was nice. It was warm and comfortable. But what she felt for Carmilla was explosive. She could tell by the pounding in her chest and swirl in her stomach. It was crazy. But it was there. 

Laura was pretty sure she had never been this turned on before physically, and like, romantically? Is that even a thing? Being romantically turned on? Whatever, its a thing now. Because Laura could easily kiss Carmilla until morning or just continue to lay there and stare at her eyes and hold her hand. 

The kissing though? That would be nice. Because the way Carmilla's lips curved into the sweetest smile Laura had ever seen, she was just begging to be kissed. 

"Do you remember the first day you saw me?" Carmilla whispered, looking away from Laura's face for the first time and to their intertwined fingers. 

"Yeah," Laura whispered back with a smile, "flirting with the girl at the gas station."

Carmilla smiled, slowly bringing Laura's hand closer to her lips. She paused a second, looking up at Laura before bringing it the rest of the way, placing a soft kiss on her knuckles.

"That day, I was sure it was going to be the worst day of my life." She slowly turned Laura's hand and opened her palm, placing another kiss on the inside of her wrist. 

Yeah, romantically turned on was definitely a thing. Because everything about this was meaningful, special.

"But your flustered smile," Carmilla let out a breathy chuckle at the memory, "and the light in your eyes, gave me hope. It-"

She paused, a sharp intake of breath like the words were almost too much to admit.

"It turned out to be the best day of my life."

Laura was speechless. If she had wondered where Carmilla stood before, it was clear now. And even if she had been disappointed that she hadn't kissed her on the water tower, waiting for this moment, was worth it. 

Carmilla's hand let go of Laura's completely and moved to brush hair out of her face, her thumb brushing gently across Laura’s cheek as fingertips tucked soft hair behind her ear. Her hand lingered, but Laura was the first to move. 

It took barely anything at all before her lips pressed against Carmilla’s, and barely any time before Carmilla was kissing her back. Just like everything else about Carmilla had been, it was different than Laura had expected it to be. It wasn't heated or lust driven— it was perfect.

 


	13. Monsters in the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys. I love your comments. give them to me always.
> 
> and theres probably only one or two chapters left then i'm done... like, probably with carmilla fanfic all together. so thanks for making me feel awesome and saying nice things. Its honestly has been amazing and i cant say thank you enough.

She couldn't blame the sun for rising. Not really. She understood the pure need to spend every possible second witnessing her beauty. An entire night without being able to look upon her face must have been torture for the sun. Just as it had been for Carmilla.

For someone that usually preferred the night, Carmilla actually welcomed the light that fell through curtains at sunrise. She had slept soundly, arms never leaving their place wrapped around Laura's body as she rested tightly against her side. 

She let her eyes flutter open and closed sleepily as her fingers ran gentle pathways through Laura's hair. The night before felt like the most realistic dream she had ever had. 

As she looked down at Laura still sleeping soundly she couldn't help but think about what she had told Perry. The real thing really was better than any dream. 

—

Laura could tell it was early by the lack of sounds traveling from other parts of the house. She had spent enough summer's here to know the way the house sounded when people were awake. 

The feeling of fingertips scratching her scalp lightly were already lulling her back to sleep before she even gave thought to opening her eyes. She could hear Carmilla's heartbeat as her head rested against her chest, a calming beat she could feel her own heart matching pace with. 

It made her smile, the thought that one person could make her heart beat so wildly one moment and calm it the next. In that exact moment, she felt Carmilla's heart beat speed up slightly and her hand still. 

"Laura?"

If she never heard her name spoken by anyone else she wouldn't have minded. It never sounded as sweet as it did falling from Carmilla's lips. It was silly, but she stayed silent hoping Carmilla would say it again. 

When Carmilla didn't, Laura almost opened her eyes but then she felt Carmilla pull her hand from her hair and drop it down with her other arm, wrapped around her body. Carmilla's heart beat picked up more as her hand started to rub slow circles into Laura's low back with her palm. Then the circles stopped and turned into other shapes being drawn by fingertips. 

By now Laura was enjoying guessing shapes in her mind too much to tell Carmilla she was awake. Quite frankly, she didn't want to risk Carmilla stopping. 

Triangle. Square. Star. Tree? Heart. Heart. Heart. 

_Wait_. 

——

"I've looked in every cupboard." Lafs hair was standing up every which way and they hadn't even bothered to change out of their pajamas before running down to the kitchen. 

Perry yawned and sat down at the table, "sweetie, we are the first ones awake. It has to be somewhere."

Laf was on a mission, every cupboard in the kitchen was open, things were pulled from the pantry and sitting on the counter to make sure they had looked in every corner possible. They were kneeling on the floor, half their body in a lower cupboard mumbling to them self. 

"Are they playing hide and seek?" Danny stepped into the kitchen sleepily. 

The voice startled Laf and they jumped, hitting their head on the opening of the cupboard. "Shit!"

"Lafontaine!" Perry scolded quietly. 

Laf slowly crawled out of the cupboard and rubbed their head, "what? Emory can say it."

Danny laughed and walked over to sit next to Perry, looking around the room. "Where's Laura?"

Perry just looked at her questioningly. "What do you mean? Isn't she still asleep?"

Danny shook her head, "she was gone when I woke up."

"We haven't seen her." Laf stood up off the floor, "unless she snuck down here and stole the whole box of choco crunch and that's why I can't find it."

Perry rolled her eyes and sighed. "How about I whip up some pancakes for everyone?"

"What? No!" Laf looked appalled. "I missed out on the good cereal yesterday, which is why we are up so dang early today! If you make breakfast for everyone, that defeats the purpose of beating them down here today!"

"Now that's the sharing spirit alive and well." Danny yawned. 

Perry completely ignored them and started moving about the kitchen, grabbing things from already opened cupboards and shutting them as she went. Essentially undoing the mess Laf had created. 

"Fine." Laf walked over to the table and dropped down onto the bench next to Danny, "but don't expect me to help."

"Oh I would never dream of it." Perry grinned as she grabbed a large mixing bowl. "How many pancakes do you think I need to make to feed the whole family?"

Danny and Laf shared a look before they both chuckled and answered in unison. 

"As many as possible."

——

"Granddad, I take it back." Gran was shaking her head as she chewed her last bite. She had a fork in one hand and the other raised in the air, "I've never tasted anything so delicious!"

Perry smiled wide, and dropped another pancake into the giant plate on the table. 

"I take back all my claims of being a chef." Gran dropped her fork on her plate and grabbed another pancake, "this girls put me to shame! I'm never cooking again! Did you see the blueberries? There are blueberries hiding in there!”

"Look!" Emory was shoving her plate at her mom, "mine looks like a rabbit!" 

Hers wasn't the only one made into the shape of an animal. Perry was actually taking requests. 

"Make mine look like me!" Tommy leaned over the counter to watch Perry pour out the batter for his pancake. 

Perry frowned as she poured the batter slowly, "Well sweetie, I'm not sure--"

"Make sure to get the indent on the back of his head where I dropped him!" Gran called out, smiling at Tommy "just like he drops my dishes."

Tommy turned around with a frown while the rest of the room giggled. 

"I'm just teasing Tommy," gran sounded reassuring, until she continued, "it's more the side of the head than the back."

"Graaan!" Tommy whined, before giggling himself, "I don't like this joke."

Tommys mom, Jessica walked by and fluffed his hair, "and gran doesn't like you breaking her dishes."

Tommy grinned wickedly, "they look better broken."

"Ooooooh!" Laf covered their mouth and offered Tommy a high five. 

Gran just laughed and went back to her 3rd pancake, ignoring the look her husband was giving her over his newspaper. 

——

"Five more minutes." Carmilla sighed sleepily when she felt Laura shifting next to her. She had fallen back asleep in the middle of rubbing Laura's back and didn't want to lose the warmth or feeling of having her wrapped in her arms. Not yet. 

Laura giggled, "I wasn't planning on getting up. Just getting more comfortable."

"Mmhmm, good." Carmilla mumbled, nuzzling her cheek against the top of Laura's head. 

Laura wasn't sure Carmilla was even actually awake. Besides the barely audible grumbling and her arms tightening ever so slightly, she seemed every bit still asleep. 

"You do realize five more minutes means we definitely won't get the good cereal." Laura was actually a tiny bit disappointed. Two days in a row eating the flavorless stuff? Not her favorite. 

"Actually..." Carmilla smiled, her eyes opening sleepily as she shifted to look down at Laura, "we are the only ones that will get the good cereal. Unless you really feel the need to share."

Laura shifted, resting her chin on Carmilla ribs as she looked up at her, "what did you do?"

Laura had already thought Carmilla's laugh was beautiful, but the tired giggle that happened just then, that was down right adorable. 

Then it was Laura's turn to whine as Carmilla loosened her grip and started to roll away from her slowly. The sounds of boxed cereal filled her ears and she couldn't help but laugh when Carmilla lifted the brand new box of choco crunch out from under the bed.

"No way!" Laura dropped her face into the pillow with a giggle before looking over at her, "when did you even steal that? I know for a fact you didn't sneak out last night." 

"You sure about that?" Carmilla smirked and rolled back into her playfully.  

"Uh, yeah." Laura scoffed, immediately wrapping an arm around her and finding her place with her ear against Carmilla chest, "I was practically on top of you all night."

Laura's head bounced with Carmilla's laughter and she rolled her eyes, "you know what I mean. Like this, sleeping, because that's all that happened."

"Oh I know," Carmilla tossed the box to an empty space on the bed and kissed the top of Laura's head, "I was there."

"So?" Laura looked up a her, her fingers playing with the hem of Carmilla's shirt. 

"So what?" Carmilla just smiled down at her. 

"When did you steal it?"

"Is it really considered stealing if it was intended to be eaten by people anyway?"

"Carm."

Carmilla chuckled but relented, "As soon as I saw Gran put it in the pantry yesterday I took it."

"Laf is going to be furious." Laura tried not to smile. 

"We can save them some." Carmilla pulled the blanket back over them, "but first, five more minutes."

Laura sighed happily, "five more minutes."

Except, five minutes turned into five seconds.

"Is that the real time?!" Laura sat up so fast the momentum almost pulled Carmilla up with her. She had glanced at the clock and it was way later in the morning than she thought. "Oh my gosh I'm going to be late!"

Carmilla was trying to get her bearings back from the tornado happening next to her. "Late for what?"

"My interview!" Laura hopped out of the bed and ran out of the room. 

"What interview?" Carmilla leaned back on her hands, talking to herself and watching out the door.

A moment later Laura was racing back in, laptop held tightly under her arms as her fingers worked on the buttons of her shirt. It was a very professional looking shirt. Especially compared to the polka dot pajama pants she was still wearing. She had a comb trapped between her teeth, which she used to brush through her hair as soon as her shirt was completely on. 

Carmilla had been left confused by Laura more than once, but this moment took the cake. "What the hell is happening?"

"I have like, 3 minutes to look like I didn't just wake up and like I'm a very professional journalist worth hiring."

Yeah, Carmilla was still confused. 

Laura sat down on the edge of the bed and opened her lap top, brushing the comb through her hair a few more times for good measure as it booted up. When she started logging into her skype, that's when Carmilla finally caught on. 

"Wait." She sat up straight, "you have an inter—“

"With Corvae." Laura turned to look at her with a smile, "I told them I was at a family thing until next week and they suggested we interview over Skype. I almost forgot."

"Right." _Shit_. "Corvae." _Shit_. "Ok."

"Do I look ok?" Laura looked nervous and excited as she waited for an answer. 

Carmilla swallowed heavily. "You look perfect." This was one of those things she should have included in a conversation the day before. She should just tell her. _I own the company you’re interviewing with. Im the reason they got your resume._ Maybe it wasn't too late? 

_It was._

The incoming call chime sounded and Laura squealed, turning back to the computer. She cleared her throat, fixed her posture and straightened the computer on her lap. She hit the key to answer and smiled. 

That's when she realized the camera in her lap top didn't only see her, but Carmilla half reclined in the bed behind her. 

"Oh no!" Laura twisted quickly, essentially falling off the bed with her lap top. 

"Miss Hollis?"

Perfect timing, Laura. _Not_. 

She sat up quickly and set the computer on the bed, kneeling on the floor. Now all the interviewer could see was the dresser and door, and the top half of her. With her hair covering her face and cheeks bright red. 

"Yes, yes, good morning!" She brushed the hair out of her face, doing her best to casually tuck it behind her ears and out of the way. "Sorry, just, sorry." She smiled awkwardly. 

"No apology needed, miss Hollis." There was a chuckle that came through the computer, "I _am_ calling about thirty seconds early."

Laura laughed, grateful the man seemed understanding and not completely unimpressed. Now that that part was over- Laura only hoped Carmilla wouldn't try to be funny and would just stay quiet and not distract her during the interview. 

Carmilla? She was silent. Not because she was being nice but because she was completely clueless with how to handle this situation. 

——

"Well good morning star-shine.” Gran reached her arms out and pulled a reluctant Carmilla in for a hug. 

“star-shine?" Carmilla asked, doing her best not to be completely pulled into the hug. 

Gran let her go and nodded. "I know it's usually 'sunshine', but you seem more of a night time kid of girl."

Seriously. Who was this woman? She was unbelievably strange and fantastic all at the same time.

"Come to join us for breakfast?" Aunt Shay asked, pointing to the plate of pancakes on the table.

"Uh, not exactly." That's all Carmilla said before she walked to the fridge, grabbed the gallon of milk, then silently grabbed two bowls, two spoon, and walked back out of the kitchen. 

Aunt Becky just laughed, “She’s hard to read, that one."

Danny frowned. "Why do you think she needs _two_ bowls?"

“Bowls?”Laf looked confused for about 5 seconds, then they slammed their fists on the table, bowls and silver wear clattering slightly as the table shook. “She’s the choco-crunch thief!”

——

“That went great!” Laura bounced on the bed when Carmilla walked back in, “That went great, right?”

Carmilla nodded distractedly and just kept walking, setting the bowls down on the bed side table. Luckily Laura launched into what was one of her semi-regular rants…

“I mean I was worried there for a minute, I _did_ fall off the bed. But he didn't seem to care.” Laura walked over and just kept talking while she watched Carmilla pour out cereal, milk, and hand her a bowl. “And at least he didn't see the pajama pants so there was some semblance of professionalism happening. I cant believe how awesome of a position is available. The job itself wasn't what I was originally looking for but seems really, really cool, and its just one interview anyway. Who knows if they will offer it to me or if I’d even take it.”

Laura took a bite of cereal and sat down next to Carmilla, “You ok? You’re being quiet.”

“Aren't I usually?” Carmilla took a bite of her own.

Laura took another bite, eyeing Carmilla carefully, “Yes. But it feels different.”

“Your grandma gave me a hug.” It was a cop out, but it wasn’t a lie.  By now she should have known just not telling Laura was just as bad as lying to her.

Laura laughed, “Oh, yeah. She does that.”

“And theres pancakes downstairs.” Carmilla took another bite around a smile.

Laura did the same, the cereal crunching in their mouths loudly as they sat on the bed.

“They are blueberry.” Carmilla added, filling her spoon again.

“Finish our cereal then go get pancakes?” Laura grinned.

“I wouldn't have it any other way.” Carmilla smiled wide.

——

“Well look who it is.” Laf stood up from the table slowly. There was a stack of folded napkins next to them on the table.

“Uh, everything ok Laf?” Laura asked, walking over to the table and grabbing a grape from the bowl in the center of it.

“I’ll be asking the questions here.” They crossed their arms and glared slightly.

Perry sighed, no intention of participating with what was going on. She was arranging flowers into the many vases sitting on the table. The anniversary party was later that night, and even though it was only a family event, everyone was pitching in to make it special.

“Someones been watching too many cop shows.” Carmilla waltzed into the kitchen, what was left of the milk in the jug in one hand, choco-crunch box in the other.

Laf gasped loudly, pointing dramatically to Carmilla, “I KNEW IT! You are the culprit!”

Carmilla raised an eyebrow and lifted the box, “We saved you some.”

“Really?” Laf look absolutely elated. 

Carmilla tossed the box over and waited. Laf opened the top and looked inside. Empty.

“Nope.” Carmilla grinned and walked to the fridge to put the milk away.

Laura shot her a look before turning back to Laf, “We heard there were pancakes anyway.”

“Pancakes are not what I woke up at 5 am for.” Laf groaned and dropped back down on the bench.

“5 am.” Carmilla turned around, “Ouch.”

“And what were _you_ doing all morning?” Laf asked pointedly, looking between Laura and Carmilla. 

Just because Perry wasn't participating, didn't meant she wasn't paying attention. Danny had come in with no clue where Laura was, then Carmilla and Laura show up at the same time well after breakfast, it wasn't that hard to guess at least parts of how their morning had gone. “Sweetie, I really don’t think they need to—“

“No,” Danny finally spoke up from her spot at the table, “I’m curious too. You were gone when I woke up but no one had seen you. Until now.” Danny looked at Laura. Her expression said she already knew the answer to the question but was praying she was wrong.

Laura didn't even waste time in answering, “I had that Skype interview this morning. Which went really well. I think.”

It seemed like everyone in the room was expecting a little reluctance to answering or a different answer completely if the silence said anything. No one had any time to question it as family members started to filter in ready to help. That was the gangs cue to go get themselves ready for the day then come back to keep helping. It was also Carmilla’s cue to figure out how she was going to ditch out on helping as much as possible.

——

Carmilla was given the option of watching the kids or help set up the yard. 

"Where am I taking this?" She grumbled, pulling the bench across the lawn slowly. 

It was probably the 10th time she had asked, but Danny was put in charge of the yard and Carmilla was determined to make her face the same shade as her hair by the end of the morning. 

Danny closed her eyes, clenched her jaw and took what was supposed to be a cleansing breath through her nose. 

Carmilla smirked. 

"It's not rocket science." Danny finally said, her voice far too controlled to convince anyone she wasn't annoyed, "just put it by the others. You know, in the exact same spot as you did the last two."

"Got it." Carmilla stopped and looked around the yard, "where did I put the last two?"

"Ugh! Just let me." Danny marched over, grabbing the bench from Carmilla and started pulling it herself. 

Carmilla only smirked further as she looked across the lawn to where she had last seen Laura. She was shaking her head with a smile but not looking at Carmilla. She had been though. That much Carmilla could tell. 

Becky walked over, hands full of tangled Christmas lights, "thanks guys, everything is looking great!"

Carmilla walked over casually, pointing to the lights, "need those untangled?"

Becky smiled, handing them over, "Thanks Carmilla, you're so helpful."

Danny's face dropped before she marched off to busy herself with something else. Carmilla smirked. 

It was becoming their routine. 

"I can help with that." Laura walked over to Carmilla with a smile. "If that's okay with you."

"More than okay." Carmilla smiled and led Laura over to one of the tables that had been moved off the deck. They say down together and started to slowly untangle the lights. 

—

"Being infuriating is like her greatest skill." Danny walked back into the kitchen where Laf and Perry were. 

Laf snorted, "In other news, water is wet."

Perry just pursed her lips, "she's not that bad."

"No." Danny sat down, and dropped her chin into her hand, elbow on the table. "She's worse."

"You get used to it." Laf shrugged. 

They hadn't thought about it much but Carmilla had really grown on them. At first she was just the person that stole shotgun. But now, she was less annoying annoying, and more amusing annoying. They actually enjoyed her company, didn't hate talking to her, and she actually could be pretty fun when she wanted to be. 

Still. They could understand where Danny was coming from. Carmilla had only ever stole shotgun from them. She was kind of stealing Laura away from Danny. Which was arguably worse. 

"Why don't you start making sandwiches for lunch?" Perry suggested, "that way when people start getting hungry they will be ready to pass out."

She might as well. That way she can stare at pieces of bread instead of Carmilla's stupid smirk. She didn't have to for long though, because a plate of sandwiches in, Laura walked inside, without Carmilla. 

"Hey guys." She walked to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water and unscrewing the cap as she leaned back against the counter, "thanks for helping with the party. I know it's not technically your family, but it feels like you guys are anyway."

"We feel the same way sweetie." Perry smiled warmly. 

Even Danny had dropped the frown and was smiling, "it's not a problem at all. I'm glad you invited me."

Laura nodded and looked around, "it's amazing how quickly the kids disappear when you mention work."

"Yeah," Danny went back to the sandwiches, "them and Carmilla."

Laura laughed, "you're not wrong there."

Okay, this was progress. Better roll with it. "You want to help me take these up to the kids before they start running through the house?"

"Sure." Laura smiled, putting the cap back on her water and grabbing a plate.

They loaded the plates full of sandwiches and grabbed a handful of juice boxes and bottles of water and started making their way to the playroom. 

"I hope this doesn't count as that walk you promised me." Danny was only half joking. Cause seriously, she was dying for some time with Laura. 

"Well technically we _are_ walking." Laura teased back, leading her up the stairs. "How bout we go visit the horses after we feed the masses?"

She knew she had been halfway avoiding Danny since they got there and it wasn't fair. Laura _had_ invited her, and it seemed her worries about Carmilla feeling out of place weren't as warranted as she thought. So maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing to leave Carmilla to her own devices for a while and spend some time with Danny. Just because she realized she didn't like her romantically, didn't mean she didn't like her as a friend still. 

"Perfect." Danny beamed. So far this day was going much better than the day before. She was finally going to have her chance to really talk with Laura and figure out where they were.  She was done with bad timing and being too nervous to do anything. All she had to do was put her heart out there and it would finally work out. 

—

“Well, I think thats most of them.” Laura’s plate was empty as she walked out of the play room.  It was like a war zone in there. Most of the kids had fled there to avoid helping set up the yard. There were toys flying all over the place, yelling, singing, laughing.

“And the rest?” Danny asked, ducking as a stuffed bear flew at her head.

“Their parents can figure it out.” Laura shrugged, walking down the hall and away from the noise and chaos in the room. 

Danny of course followed her, less concerned about the kids and more focused on trying to figure out the best way to bring up the topic she really wanted to. The closer they got to the doors that led out back, the more nervous she got about actually bringing it up.

"I'm glad you're here." Laura smiled up at Danny as they walked down the steps on the deck.

"Really?" Danny asked, half relieved, half surprised. 

"Of course." It was completely sincere. "I know it's been kind of crazy and there's lots of people here, but I missed you. It's always good seeing you."

This was definitely going to make sharing her feeling easier knowing Laura felt that way.

"Thanks. And don't get me wrong, I love your family." Danny chuckled, "but it's nice to have some time with you all to myself." She paused, giving Laura a nervous glance, "I actually wanted to talk to you."

"I know!" Laura missed the nervousness in her voice completely, "we haven't even talked about your internship or what you've been up to!" She looked over with a smile, "we got distracted talking about college days the other night."

"Oh, my internship?" It wasn't exactly the conversation she was hoping for, but Laura seemed excited to hear about it. "It was great. Working with professional athletes was amazing."

As Danny started talking about her internship as an athletic trainer and the life she had over the last year, Laura couldn't remember why she had been so worried to talk to her before. Maybe it was that her feelings for Carmilla were so much clearer since the day before but it was a relief not to feel nervous or insure around Danny. Bad timing or not- she was one of Laura's best friends for a reason. Maybe all the times the timing was off was telling them that's what they were meant to be. 

"...he got me an interview with a baseball team in LA, which you already know." Danny chuckled, "which wasn't just lucky because of the job, but it meant getting to meet up with you guys on the way."

"It was lucky." Laura smiled, climbing up to stand on the bottom post of the fence around the pasture. 

They had walked to the tree on the side of the yard and gathered some apples to bribe the horses over. Danny handed her one and Laura held it out, clicking her tongue a few times to catch the horses attention. 

"I'm actually really glad you'll be around in LA." Laura was watching the horses approach lazily, "I mean I love Laf and Perry but it'll be nice having another friend there."

Friend? Danny held out an apple of her own. Did she just get rejected before she even had the chance to tell Laura how she felt?

"I was worried a year would change things too much." Laura looked over and saw the slight confusion on Danny's face as she stared at the apple in her own hand. "I mean, I shouldn't have worried. We've always been great friends and I should have known that wouldn't change."

"Do you think it could change?" 

"What do you mean?" Laura smiled as the horses whined for more apples while they were still chewing on the ones they had just received. 

"That maybe we could be something other than friends?" Danny was watching Laura, trying to catch a look or reaction that would help her know what she was thinking. 

"Oh." _Oh_. 

It only just now occurred to Laura that the unsure tension and feelings she had been feeling could have been more than just her own. 

"I mean, Danny... I don't- I don't know." How do you tell someone that you had thought they could be more once, but there was someone else that had derailed that surprisingly quickly? That maybe the timing had always been off because it had never been right enough for ether of them to try and fix it?  "Right now I just..." Laura sighed. She really didn't want to ruin the friendship but she really wanted to just be honest.

“Was it all in my head?” Her voice was heavy, laced with embarrassment. Had she imagined the entire thing? The looks, the flirting, the constant will they wont they feeling when they were in school? She thought Laura had invited her here for because there was something there. Something they both felt.

Laura looked at her, her expression apologetic and sad and worried. It hadn't been all in her head. There had been something there. It just wasn't what Laura thought. Or maybe it was and somewhere along the lines it changed. Whatever it _was_ , wasn't anymore.

Danny sighed. No answer was somehow the answer, and not the one she was hoping for. "Is it Carmilla?"

Was it really that obvious? They had barely spent any time together so far that day, and any time together the day or night before had been spent practically alone. She hadn't told anyone about the kiss, not even about sneaking into Carmilla's room the night before. She thought she had kept it between the two of them, private, special. Because no matter how happy it made her, she was still trying to figure out what exactly it meant. 

"Danny..." 

"She's a stranger, Laura." Danny was doing her best not to sound angry, but anyone could see she wasn't happy about Carmilla being picked over her. "You barely just met her. Days ago."

"I know." Laura dropped off the fence and to the ground. "It's, hard to explain. You haven't been with us."

"No." Danny scoffed quietly, "I haven't."

"I know it's only been a few days, a little over a week actually, but it's different," Laura didn't know how to explain it right. It had only been days, but it felt like so much longer. "She's not that bad."

"Not that bad? She's literally made of leather and sarcasm." She knew there was a fine line of being honest, trying to help Laura see how crazy this was and just making her angry. But she honestly couldn't understand. "She's trouble."

"She's not." Laura frowned, "she's just-"

"Misunderstood?" She paused. "She got you arrested, beat some kid up--"

"That's not fair." Laura defended. The stories had been told. Melodramatic versions to entertain her family and make them laugh. But things had been left out or over exaggerated. It wasn't as dramatic as it all sounded. "Can you just trust me?"

It took a while for Laura to trust herself when it came to Carmilla. Her feelings had confused her, made her do and say silly things, but she was finally trusting her gut and herself. That should be enough for everyone else. 

"I do trust you." Danny sighed. She knew this wasn't an argument she could win. She couldn't change the way Laura felt any more than she could change the was she, herself felt. "It's just-"

"Just what?" This is why she hadn't said anything about the night before to anyone. She didn't want to have to try and explain it. And she knew with the way this conversation started it was a little harder for Danny to process, but it was still her decision. Her feelings. "Look, I know it might not make sense, it doesn't completely for me either but, it's like," she sighed trying to think of the words to explain, "it's like she kept showing up. And no matter where we went or what we did, there she was. I was always looking for her without even realizing that's what I was doing. Everything kept pushing us together and finally when I didn't have to look for her anymore because she was just, always next to me, I felt relieved. I tried to ignore it, trust me, I get what you're saying about the kind of person she seems to be but she's different than that."

She could see Danny was trying to be understanding, or at the very least, hide the hurt she was feeling. So she stopped. She didn't have to explain her feelings any further, she could tell Danny got the picture. Laura sighed when Danny continued to look at the ground instead of her. 

She turned back to the fence and the horses that were oblivious to the heart wrenching conversation happening in front of them. 

"Hey." Danny forced a smile and offered Laura another apple. "It's ok. Being your friend? I'll take it." 

It hurt. Of course it did. But she could see how much Laura cared just by the look in her eyes as she searched for the right words. What she had said earlier was true. They were great friends. And although it wasn't exactly what Danny wanted, it was either accept it or lose Laura completely.  

Besides. She was smart enough to know Carmilla was the obstacle. And she had seen enough of her to know it wouldn't last long. Carmilla was a self destruct button just waiting to be pushed. Danny only hoped she wouldn't destroy Laura when she inevitably destroyed herself and her chances. But whatever happened, Danny had stuck around this long, she could be patient in waiting for Carmilla to crash and burn. Laura would see Carmilla was always trouble in time. 

Speaking of...

"What the..." Laura climbed up further on the fence and squinted her eyes at the small group of people heading her way across the field. 

Danny was looking at the same thing, "is that-"

"Carmilla?!" Laura yelled loudly. It had to be her. Her and what looked like a couple of the older kids. 

They were walking slowly, like they were trying to move without actually moving or letting any part of their body touch anything else. Including their clothes. 

"What are they doing?" Laura turned to Danny and saw the equally confused expression on her face. 

"What are they covered in?" Danny's follow up question was a good one. 

Their clothes were covered in what looked like mud. Laura hoped it was mud. They did just appear in the horse field from behind the barn. It could be something way worse than mud. 

Tommy stumbled and knocked into Chad, which made Chad stumble and reach out for something to balance himself. Carmilla. He grabbed her arm as he tumbled to the ground, almost pulling her down in the process. Tommy burst into laughter, Chad face down on the ground and Carmilla trying not to join him. 

Then Carmilla spun around and Tommy froze. He had a look of horror on his face then started sprinting away from Carmilla and towards Laura and Danny. He looked like he was being chased by a swarm of bees or a giant Panther. He was moving fast. 

Not fast enough. 

He stepped in a soggy patch of ground and lost momentum, just enough for Carmilla to catch up to him and shove his back, knocking him over just like Chad. Face first into the soggy ground. 

Carmilla let out a laugh, clearly proud of herself. Until Tommy moved his arm, just in time to grab Carmilla's foot just before she was out of reach. It was enough to throw her balance off and she went down just like the other two. 

This time it was the two boys that barked out loud laughs.

Laura climbed through the fence, Danny not far behind, and jogged across the field to where the three were. Carmilla was still sitting on the ground while the two boys were giving each other high fives, covered head to toe in mud. 

"What's going on here?" Laura smiled at Carmilla. 

She was smirking, completely covered in mud. Was there anything that could make her less attractive? Cause the mud was totally working for her.

Tommy ran towards Laura, arms extended, "Laura! Want a hug?!" 

Laura giggled and threw her arms up to stop him, "no! No way Tommy! Don't come any closer!"

He was about to grab Laura around the waist when a clod of mud hit him in the back of the head, making him stop in his tracks and turn around. 

"You want to go, clumsy?" Carmilla glared as she stood up, another clump of mud in her hand. 

"No!" Tommy immediately retreated, hiding behind Chad. Didn't work well, Chad was at least 6 inches shorter. 

Carmilla tossed the mud gently, it glopping all over both their faces as they stood there in shock. 

"Carm!" Laura tried to scold, walking over to help wipe their faces, but she couldn't stop smiling. 

"What?" Carmilla shrugged, "this is war."

"Does someone want to explain what happened?" Laura laughed and used her sleeve I help wipe mud from the kids eyes and mouths. They would need a hose to get the rest of themselves clean. 

"We were just trying to get some strawberries from the next field over but then, well.." Tommy looked down at the mud covering his clothes and body like it was explanation enough. 

"And Carmilla?" Laura asked, curious how she was involved. 

"It was her idea." Chad admitted, "I got stuck and she tried to pull me out." He pointed to his foot, only a sock halfway covering his foot, "I lost my shoe when we fell over."

Laura pressed her lips together, trying not to smile. When she looked at Carmilla, she looked completely embarrassed at getting caught trying to steal strawberries and Laura had to cover her mouth with her hand to stop herself from laughing. 

"I'll uh, take the boys to the house." Danny waved the boys over then placed a hand on either of their shoulders and started leading them back across the field. She would do anything if it meant not having to see the way Laura smiled at Carmilla. 

"Thanks Danny." Laura managed to only kind of chuckle as she spoke. Then she turned back to Carmilla and really took in the sight of her.  

She wasn't quite as completely covered as the boys had been. The bulk of the mud was covering her boots and gathered around her knees- she hadn't face planted quite as fully as Chad and Tommy had. Her hands were covered and it traveled up to her elbows. Splatters were across her shirt, and what looked like smudge marks from her own hands pushing hair out of her face were across her cheek and forehead. And to top it all off, she was actually pouting. 

"Couldn't stop with me and just had to get my cousins into trouble too?" Laura put her hands on her hips, her best attempt at looking disappointed. 

Carmilla didn't look even the slightest bit apologetic. She shrugged and lifted an arm, trying to use it to brush hair from her face without spreading more mud. It didn't work. She frowned and sputtered, trying to rid herself of the mud that had stuck to her lip. 

Laura chuckled, stepping up to Carmilla and lifting her hand. "That's so adorable I can't even be mad at you right now." She used her thumb to brush the mud from Carmilla's lip, her eyes watching as Carmilla slowly smiled at the gesture.

"The strawberries were worth it." She grinned, "in case you were wondering."

Laura shook her head and stepped closer, leaving barely any space between them. Carmilla must have thought a kiss was coming because she pulled in a sharp breath, her smile relaxing and her eyelids dropping slightly. 

That's when Laura grinned as she whispered in the most seductive voice she could muster, "let's go get you cleaned up." 

Carmilla just glared as Laura took a slow step backwards before turning and sauntering across the pasture. She chuckled when the saunter turned into a stumble when she hit a soggy patch of ground. Sexy or nerdy, Carmilla would gladly follow her anywhere she wanted. 

——

"You kids really outdid yourselves." Gran looked like she was on the verge of tears. 

She wasn't wrong. It was pretty impressive. 

After lunch all of Laura's aunts took Gran out for a 'girls afternoon' and told granddad to enjoy himself in his study, leaving the rest of the family to get everything ready for the party that night. It wasn't easy. Setting up a party and keeping an eye on over a dozen kids was impressive to say the least. Especially with Laura distracted by Carmilla, and Danny distracted by Laura and Carmilla trying to annoy everyone except Laura. It was a circus. 

But the final result had been worth it.

They had moved the tables off the deck and onto the lawn. There were lights strung over the deck like a ceiling of low hanging stars. Perry had made an entire table of elegant looking treats and finger food, and there was champagne (and sparkling cider for the kids). The tables now on the lawn were covered in nice tablecloths and decorated with flowers and candles. Lights were strung along the fence that wrapped around the back yard and hung from the tree in the yard like glistening icicles. There was music playing (DJ Laf was ecstatic) and everyone was dressed up in more than their regular clothing- and so far everyone had managed to stay relatively clean. 

Except Mark. But he's two, so he doesn't really count. 

“I cant believe you all did this in just one afternoon!” Gran walked out onto the deck and spun around to look at everything, “It took me years of training you all to clean up your dishes after a meal!”

“Alright, mom,” Shay laughed and nodded to Laf, “How about we just get the party going?”

Carmilla had been to plenty of parties in her life. Of the formal variety and also the drunken coed kind. This? This was something else entirely.

No one was black out drunk, or afraid to say the wrong thing. Everyone was smiling, laughing, dancing, talking. Once again Carmilla felt like she was on a different planet watching Laura's family. The other thing that stuck out was that it was just that. Laura's family. 

There wasn't anyone there they were trying to impress or make business connections with. No one to watch carefully or try to win over. They were just celebrating for the pure reason of celebration. 

For something that felt so foreign, Carmilla found herself wishing she could be a part of a life like this. 

"What are you doing all the way over here?" Laura let out a breath as she stepped up next to Carmilla. She had been dancing with some of the kids when she spotted Carmilla standing alone and made her way over to her.

"Enjoying the view." Carmilla smiled at her. She had found her way to the edge of the deck and just let herself lean against the rail and watch everyone. It wasn't her family and she hadn't meant to be invited. It felt rude to insert herself more into the weekend than she already had. And if she was being honest, seeing Laura with her family was better than participating. 

"Well," Laura took hold of both of Carmilla’s hands and tried to pull her away from the railing, "come enjoy the view from inside the action."

Carmilla smiled but didn't budge from her spot, "I'm good here."

Laura paused, seeing something different in Carmilla's eyes, "everything ok?"

"Yeah." Carmilla nodded, not even convincing herself, "I just need to make a call.” Without another thought, she stepped closer to Laura and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. 

Laura was shocked at how easily Carmilla had just kissed her in front of her family and wasn't able to form words before Carmilla was walking away and into the house. But she wasn't the only one that knew what had just happened.

“I knew it.” Gran was at Laura’s side almost as fast as Carmilla had walked in the house.

“Knew what?” Laura was playing coy, avoiding eye contact. She knew it was useless. This was Gran, after all.

“You and the secret softie." Gran nudged her.

"It's not... I mean we aren't..." Laura didn't know what to say because she really didn't know what they were. they had kissed. Once. Or twice. Or a handful of times. They share flirty looks and things had progressed from Carmilla constantly annoying her to constantly flustering her. But it hadn't even been 24 hours since their first kiss, even though in road trip time it felt like they had known each other a year. 

Laura sighed, with a smile, "add her to the list of other things I'm completely lost on."

"Darling," Lauras Grandad had walked over and stuck his hand out for Gran with a smile, "they are playing our song."

"Every song is our song." Gran smiled back, taking his hand and already swaying to the music. She stopped a couple steps away and turned back to Laura, "You know, just because you're uncertain, doesn't meant you're lost. But even if you are, being lost can give you the greatest adventures."

With that, Gran was back in the center of the deck, arms around her husband and dancing like she was Laura's age. She had a smile on her face, surrounded by family and was living her own adventure. 

Laura knew she was right. Just like Carmilla had been at the top of the water tower. It's impossible to know how things will turn out, the best you can do is go after what you want as best you can, but be open to the inevitable detours along the way. 

The sky was beautiful blue. But half the beauty in the sunset was the unexpected colors that rippled through the sky after the blue had faded. 

Maybe Carmilla was what changed her from being lost, to being able to enjoy the adventure along the way.

\--

When Carmilla got the answering machine she hung up and called again. It had to be a mistake. Mattie always answered. Then she got the machine again. 

What she had to say she knew wasn't the kind of thing you leave in a voicemail.

"Mattie." _Sigh_ "where the hell are you?" _Sigh_ "Call me back, we need to talk."

She hung up and even if she hadn't actually been able to say what she wanted, she felt better already. 

All it took was two days with Laura's family to see how glaringly different  her own was. It was the familiar yet foreign feeling of the large house. The difference in the meals and conversations. It was feeling like even though she did not 'fit in' with these people, they accepted and loved her all the same for it. 

She couldn't have that and live the life she had waiting for her. The last 25 years of her life made that obvious. One wrong move, one decision that didn't fit the mold of what mother expected and it turned into a nightmare. 

So she had called Mattie, intending to tell her she was going to sign over the company. To have Mattie get whatever paperwork prepared so that the second it was allowed- she would leave it all. The business, the money, the sad excuse of a family. All of it. 

Because she wanted something different. she didn't want to be making choices just to make someone angry. She wanted to make choices that would make her happy. 

And her first choice? Letting herself fall in love with Laura. 

Really, she didn't have much of a choice when it came to that. 

Carmilla stayed just inside the pair of double door for a while. She was hoping Mattie would call her back while she was so sure about her decision. 

Without the company, she would be free of her mother and the expectations and life that came with the responsibilities. It would be giving up that life for the possibility of a different one. Maybe one that included Laura. 

She knew it seemed crazy. Giving up so much for the chance with a girl she hadn't known that long. But was there a rule about how long you have to know someone before you were sure they were meant to be in your life? Love didn't seem like the kind of thing to have rules written in fine print. 

Something so rare seemed like the kind of thing to scream at you when it was real. At first sight, first kiss, first whatever. Days, months, years, when it was real it was real. 

Naturally her eyes had been on Laura, watching her laugh and dance and stuff her face with the tiny desserts Perry had made. She couldn't even stop herself from smiling anymore. 

Then she noticed Brooklyn, sitting out at one of the tables on the lawn, reading her book. Away from everything going on and ignoring the noise around her. Just like Carmilla had found her the day before under the tree. 

If there was anyone in that family even a little bit like Carmilla, it was probably her. 

"You haven't finished it yet, huh?" Carmilla asked as she sat down on the bench, leaving space between the two of them. 

Brooklyn finished the sentence she was on before looking up and sighing, "it's long."

Carmilla chuckled, "yeah. Books do that."

Then they were silent. Carmilla didn't miss the fact that out of everyone there, she enjoyed the 11 year old more than most. Maybe it's because she somehow didn't get the chatty gene the rest of the family had been plagued with. Whatever it was, they sat there silently, Brooklyn reading and Carmilla watching the festivities on the deck. 

It took a while before they were noticed by anyone else, but as soon as she spotted them, Laura made her way over. 

The closer she got, the wider Carmilla's smile grew. 

"You guys are missing all the fun." Laura leaned on the edge of the table, smiling with a scrunch in her nose at Carmilla. 

"Well I can't very well leave Brooklyn here alone." 

"Alright Brooke," Laura sat down across from her and leaned on her arms to get closer to Brooklyn, "what's it going to take to get you to out your book down for a little bit."

"Magic." She didn't even bother looking up from the page. 

Laura looked slightly disappointed and Carmilla wasn't about to let that go unfixed.

"Well it just so happens I know a little bit of magic." Carmilla smiled at Laura before sliding across the bench closer to Brooklyn. 

"Yeah, right." Brooklyn was obviously skeptical. 

"Really?" Laura looked absolutely delighted. 

"Really." Carmilla nodded seriously, twisting to face Brooklyn, pulling a bent leg up on the bench. She cleared her throat and started rubbing her hands together, slow at first then a little faster. 

Skeptical or not, Brooklyn was intrigued and placed her origami bird in her book and closed it, turning her attention to Carmilla's hands. 

Carmilla smirked and winked at Laura then looked back to Brooklyn. "Ready?"

"I guess." Brooklyn was trying to keep a neutral expression, pretending not to be excited. But the other girls could tell she was very much invested in whatever magic Carmilla claimed to have. 

Carmilla stopped rubbing her hands together and opened them up, palm up, then turned them over, showing that her hands were empty. Laura wasn't sure where to look. Carmilla was being adorable, and Brooklyn was staring at Carmilla like it was her life's mission to disprove whatever was about to happen. 

"You watching?" Carmilla asked Brooklyn. 

Brooklyn just nodded. So did Laura. 

Carmilla rubbed her hands together again then let her right one reach up towards Brooklyn's head. Brooke flinched but didn't pull away.

When Carmilla pulled her hand back she had a quarter between her thumb and pointer finger. 

For a split second Brooklyn looked surprised, then she tried to play it cool,  furrowing her brow and scoffing. "That's just a quarter."

Laura on the other hand, looked amazed. 

"Can you explain how I pulled it out of your ear?" Carmilla shrugged, placing it on the table in front of Brooke. 

Brooke glared at the quarter before answering slowly, "no."

"Cause it was magic." Carmilla grinned with satisfaction. 

Brooke picked up the quarter and turned it over in her hand before looking back up at Carmilla, "I'm 11, not 3. You can't bribe me with a quarter.”

“I’m not bribing you at all.” Carmilla took back the quarter and shoved it in her pocket, “you wanted magic not money.”

Brooklyn gasped at the quarter being stolen from her and looked to Laura for support.

“A deal is a deal.” Laura smiled, knowing Carmilla had won.

Brooklyn crossed her arms over her chest in defiance. “If I have to, then you have to.”

Carmilla shook her head, “That wasn’t the deal, kid.”

That left both Brooklyn and Laura disappointed.

“Can you keep a secret?” Laura asked leaning forward again.

Brooklyn looked at her warily, wanting to spot the trick before it was too late this time, “When I want to.”

The response made Laura laugh, it sounded like something Carmilla would say.

“Well, Carmilla here, doesn’t know how to dance.” Laura faked a pout at the now cross looking expression on Carmillas face, “Thats why she won’t leave the bench.”

Brooklyn giggled and looked at Carmilla, “is that true?”

“Not at all.” Carmilla responded quickly, still glaring at Laura.

“Prove it.”

Two words. Short words, even, for the english language. But everything about them was a challenge and a flirtation and there was no way Carmilla was going to back down from them.

Carmilla stood up, straightening out her shirt as she walked around the table to where Laura was sitting. In anticipation, Laura had spun around on the bench and was waiting with a smile when Carmilla finally stepped in front of her and held her hand out.

Laura took Carmilla’s hand and let her gently pull her to her feet. Carmilla's eyes moved slowly as she let them lift the length of Laura’s body as she stood. If Laura was going to flirt, so was Carmilla.

"You ready?" Carmilla whispered to Laura as she pulled her impossibly closer. 

Laura just nodded, already overwhelmed with proximity and the way Carmilla was looking at her. 

"You too, kid." Carmilla nodded to Brooklyn before lacing her fingers with Laura and leading her hand in hand back to the deck. 

There were plenty of giggles, eyebrow wiggles, and obnoxious reactions from Laura's family and the trio of redheads. Carmilla ignored them. Laura blushed scarlet. 

Then Carmilla turned to face Laura and her entire demeanor shifted. She went from cool and flirty to calm and careful. The way she led Laura to stand close to her, pulling her gently by the waist. The way she lifted Laura's hands, placing one on her own shoulder and taking the other in her own hand. The subtle press of fingertips against Laura's back as she started to lead her in a slow waltz. 

Laura looked down to their feet with a smile, "this is actual dancing." She looked up, catching Carmilla's eyes with her own, "not just jumping around like an idiot, but actual dancing. With real steps."

Carmilla gave her a half smile before leading Laura in a twirl then pulling her back against her body gently. "I told you I could dance."

"Where did you learn to do this?" Laura giggled as Carmilla spun her again. 

Carmilla pulled her close and started to sway slowly with Laura in her arms. "Boarding school."

Laura gave her a look like she was surprised by the answer. 

"From the time I was 13." Carmilla smiled but it was more sad than anything else, "after my father died, mother- well, step mother, didn't want to deal with me."

Laura frowned, "I'm so sorry Carm."

"Don't be." She scoffed, "the feeling was mutual."

"So before..." Laura wrapped her arm around Carmilla's shoulder, her fingertips twisting around the curls at the base of her neck, "you weren't lying when you said you didn't have.."

Laura couldn't finish her thought. Because she was surrounded by family, more than most people had, and Carmilla didn't have anyone. She couldn't imagine how lonely that would be. 

She leaned in slowly, pressing her lips to Carmilla's gently, briefly, before pulling back and resting her forehead against Carmilla's and whispering, "You have us now."

That's all it took for Carmilla to stop feeling like an outsider, and finally feel like she belonged somewhere. 

She belonged with Laura. 

——

"What do you think that's about?" Laf had a tiny plate in their hand and was stacking deserts as high as possible.

"What sweetie?" Perry poured champagne into two glasses before looking up. 

"Isn't it obvious?" Danny grumbled. She was stress eating.

"Woah, summer society." Laf set their plate down and reached for Danny's, pulling it from her hands, "maybe slow down on the tiny cheesecakes."

"Why?" Danny grabbed for another one, snatching it off the plate before Laf could pull it away, "it's not like anyone will notice. They are too busy grinning at the love birds."

Laf looked to where Danny was glaring, but it really wasn't as bad as she tried I make it sound. Sure, they were dancing, but everyone was. And yeah they were kind of close, but there were others closer. And yes they were blushing and laughing and smiling... Ok, yeah, they were adorable. And Laf could see why it would make Danny unhappy. 

"It's about time."

Laf and Danny both snapped their heads towards Perry. 

"What?" She shrugged, her usual tight lipped smile on her face, "I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner."

"And I thought I was the one with zero tact." Laf chuckled, picking their plate back up. 

"Wait," suddenly Danny was sitting up straight, staring towards the house. "Who's that?"

Laf and Perry turned to look but only saw Laura's family. Except, there was someone standing with her hand on the door handle. The family on the deck kept blocking their view so they could never quite get a good look at her. 

Then Laf watched the woman grab one of the kids, lean over and whisper something in their ear. It wasn't until she stood back up that they got a good look at her. 

"Oh my."

Laf turned back to Perry- apparently she was going for the most unexpected reactions award of the night. 

She stuck out like a rose in a field of wild flowers. She was a different kind of beautiful than the family scattered around her. She was intimidating, and alluring at the same time. Poised and a simple kind of elegant. The impression she gave off came mostly from the air of confidence that radiated from her rather than her visual appearance. Although, her appearance was immaculate. Form fitting dress, high heels that required skill just to stand in, tasteful yet impressive jewelry, lipstick red as blood. She looked like trouble. The kind you wouldn't quite know if you hated or enjoyed.

And she was looking right at Carmilla.

“This should be interesting.” Laf lifted their plate closer to their mouth. It was about to become dinner and a show, and they weren't going to miss a second of it.

—

“You know, for someone who hates kids, you sure are good with them.” Laura smiled as Carmilla moved her slowly across the deck and between family members.

Carmilla just shook her head, “Its my curse.”

“Oh please.” Laura laughed, “You have to like them at least a little bit to do the things you do.”

Carmilla sighed like she knew she wouldn't win this one, "Okay so they aren't terrible all the time. It helps that they all remind me of you a little."

"What?" Laura pulled back, her face scrunching,  "That's not possible. I mean we are related but that's pushing it."

"No really. Like Brooklyn." Carmilla nodded towards the girl that was finally dancing and singing with the other kids, "She's smart, and a little awkward. Emory, curious about everything. The clumsy one over there... Well that one explains itself."

Laura smiled but didn't say anything. The fact that Carmilla knew any of their names, and then small characteristics for each of them blew her away. Always a surprise, this girl. 

"The tiny one that chased a stick for 30 minutes yesterday. Also explains itself." Carmilla smirked. 

"Hey!" Laura laughed and hid her face in Carmilla shoulder. 

"I'm just saying, they aren't all bad."

And they weren't. Not the kids, not Laura's aunts, even the uncles were bearable. Gran was amazing and Laura's Grandpa was great too. They had shared the newspaper earlier that day and sat in silence. He was the perfect kind of person.

"Who's that?" Laura's expression changed to curiosity as she looked across the deck. 

"They are your family, cream puff." Carmilla chuckled, starting to turn them so she could see who Laura was talking about. "It can't be."

Laura felt Carmilla tense and stop moving. They had already been swaying slowly, ignoring the fast beat of the music altogether, but now it was like she was frozen in place.  

Then Emory was tugging on the hem of Carmilla shirt, being completely ignored. 

Laura looked down and pulled Emory away from Carmilla, "what is it Emory?"

"She has a friend here." She looked unsure, eyes still on Carmilla. When Carmilla finally looked down at her with furrowed eyebrows, Emory twisted her fingers together nervously, "does that mean we can't be friends anymore?"

Laura looked to Carmilla with a slightly shocked expression, unsure of how she was going to respond. 

Carmilla softened almost immediately, crouching down to be at Emory's level, "you and me kid?" She tapped her finger on the end of Emory's nose, "we will always be friends. Yeah?"

Emory's grin grew slowly as she nodded, "hell yeah!"

Carmilla managed a smile before she looked up a Laura and back to Emory, "do me a favor and keep Laura company while I go talk to my friend?"

Emory nodded, grabbing Laura's hands and starting to swing them around in whatever form of movement was considered dancing to a 6 year old. 

Carmilla was up and moving before Laura had the chance to ask any questions. She had too many questions of her own to let Laura slow her down from getting them. 

"Do my eyes deceive me, or are you playing nice with children?" Her smile was wicked and knowing.

"Mattie." Carmilla clenched her jaw and lowered her voice, "what are you doing here? How did you even find me?"

"Find you?" Mattie laughed at the question, "It's not as if you were being subtle darling. You left a trail of police reports behind you. Much easier to follow than breadcrumbs." Mattie made an unimpressed expression and let out a bored sigh, "Honestly. I've found you before with less to go on."

Carmilla couldn't believe this was happening and it seemed like Mattie was taking pride in the horrifying surprise of just showing up. She could have called. Or hell, answered the phone when Carmilla had tried to call her. 

"Why are you here?"

"Since you refused to listen to reason through our very brief phone calls, it was time to convince you in person to end this silly little rebellion and come back before things get any worse." She no longer looked as pleased with her surprise appearance, rather slightly apologetic. "Unfortunately, I'm not alone."

Carmilla didn't look angry anymore. She looked slightly afraid. Like a deer caught in headlights, unsure of what to do or where to go. Just frozen in place. 

"Mother?"

Mattie lifted her chin, trying to keep her confidence more visible than the worry she felt for Carmilla. Because she really did care for her, but she also answered to someone else. "In the house."

If there was one saving grace about this situation, it was that mother had refused to mingle with Laura's family. Maybe Carmilla could keep this situation from getting too terrible. She swallowed heavily, glancing over her shoulder to Laura, who was watching her closely. 

She thought she had managed to avoid things getting worse, but this? This could ruin everything. 

Turning back to Mattie, Carmilla fixed her posture. She wasn't confident about anything that was about to happen, but she had to make it seem like she was. "Don't talk to anyone."

Mattie looked around with an eyebrow raised. One hand was on her hip, the other lifted close to her body as her fingertips brushed over each other. Like the idea of touching anything was making her hands feel dirty already. "I wouldn't dream of it."

\----

Carmilla should have known better. Mattie may have had no intention of mingling, but this was Laura's family. They didn't know how to not be friendly. 

"I heard we had a visitor." Gran stepped up to Mattie who was still lingering next to the door and offered her a glass. "Carmilla's friend, right?"

"I suppose friend is an acceptable term." She eyed the glass before taking it slowly.

"Well, is there another word you'd call yourself?" 

Mattie took a sip, watching gran over the edge of her glass. "Keeper."

Gran hummed and nodded, taking a sip from her own glass. "She's been a pleasure to have."

"Has she?" Mattie wasn't convinced. Of all the places she thought she would find Carmilla, this hadn't even made the list of possibilities. 

Gran ignored the slightly off putting tone in Mattie's voice. Carmilla had the same tone when she first got here, but it didn't take long for her to drop it when she was given the chance. 

"You answer questions like an escape convict. Or a lawyer." Gran added when she saw the pleased smirk on Mattie's lips. "Vague.."

"Mysterious?" Mattie added like she couldn't have been more happy about the comment. 

Gran shook her head. "Carmilla, she's got mysterious down. You're more evasive." Mattie looked less pleased at that. "Are you here just to say hello-"

"No." Mattie cut her off, annunciating clearly and firmly. "I'm sure she has overstayed her welcome and we are eager to have to back where she belongs."  

"Where who belongs?" Laura had lasted about 2 minutes before curiosity got the best of her and she made her way over to Carmilla's surprise visitor. She was beautiful, and the way she spoke with Carmilla was extremely familiar, it was killing Laura not knowing who she was. 

Mattie clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes. It was the same thing Carmilla would have done. It made Laura wonder if they had spent so much time together one had passed the trait to the other. Which only furthered her curiosity for who she was to Carmilla. 

"Laura Hollis, I presume." It wasn't a question. Mattie knew exactly who she was. 

Laura looked slightly surprised, "have we met?"

"Only on paper." Mattie cooed. "I know quite a bit about you. Gpa, work history.."

"I don't understand." She really didn't. 

Mattie smiled, knowing now for sure that Carmilla's favor had gone unmentioned to the girl she had helped. She downed the rest of the bubbly liquid in her glass and flashed a smile.  

"Matska Belmonde." The glint in her eye didn't go unnoticed. "Pleasure to meet you."

The name immediately stuck out. She knew that name. "You're- but how did you-"

"Really dear, you need to work on your ability to string words together if you want to have any hope of becoming a serious journalist." Mattie handed her glass to someone that just happened to be near her, "and if _investigative_ journalism is your thing, I'm sure you can put together the pieces of your own questions." 

"Carmilla...?"

"I knew you had it in you." Mattie tilted her head slightly, watching the expressions on Laura face change. 

Realization, more confusion, frustration, hurt..

"Carmilla sent you my resume." Laura repeated, more sure this time, "you sent it to Corvae."

"Yes well, I have a long reach but decided to start close to home."

Laura wasn't sure what she meant by that. Mattie must have guessed as much. 

"Panthera. Owns Corvae." Mattie waited a beat before shifting her weight in annoyance, "honestly- Panthera, Carmilla's company. The company where I work."

"You're not just her friend." It was finally making sense. She had already had most of the pieces, she just didn't know they all fit together until now. 

Carmilla owned a company. She owned the land they broke into. Panthera. That was the piece she hadn't added to the puzzle yet. Panthera. Who owned Corvae. Where she had her interview. Where Carmilla had sent her resume for her without saying anything. 

It was like getting punched in the gut. Laura thought they had finally put everything on the table. Were finally honest with each other. Only come to find out, everything Carmilla said seemed to be a half truth. 

Mattie stood taller, looking down at the girl in front of her. "Looks like you've finally got it. Don't feel bad dear, it was bound to happen. You're from different worlds, it wasn't meant to last any way you look at it. At least you got a job out of it."

Different worlds. Laura had already realized that long ago. It had always been something that drew her to Carmilla, seeing things from a different perspective, it was new and exciting. It wasn't until then that she considered it would be the thing that kept them from working. 

\----

Carmilla rushed in the house then slowed her pace. When she didn't see her in the kitchen, she hurried towards the living room before once again slowing her steps. She was at a loss as how to approach the situation. On the one hand, she really didn't want to deal with her mother, on the other hand, the sooner she did, the quicker she could get her to leave and hopefully never meet Laura or any of her family. It was already a miracle she had decided not to join them in the back yard. 

"Mother?"

All she hears in response was a sigh. It was small, a controlled indicator that she was unhappy. 

That was the thing with mother. Even something as small as a sigh was always deliberate. Controlled. There was nothing mother loved more than control. 

"Carmilla." Lilita was standing near the door, like it was as far as she had intended to venture into the house. It wasn't her style. It was lived in, messy, warm. "Gather your things."

Carmilla stopped in the doorway between the kitchen and living room. The house felt colder just from her mother being present and she fought the urge to run back to Laura. It wouldn't be that simple, though. Lilita liked to play games she knew she would win. The only way to do this was to play the game better than her mother. 

"Mother." Carmilla cleared her throat, steeling her nerves and finding the confidence her mother hated. "Welcome to Colorado."

It was subtle, and quick, but Carmilla saw the crease on her mothers forehead and tightening of her shoulders that told her she was already annoying her. 

There's a reason Carmilla had been sent to boarding school. Her mother loved control- and Carmilla loved proving she couldn't be controlled. 

"I'm not going to tell you again." If looks could kill, she'd have a long list of murder victims. "It's time to grow up, you have responsibilities, Carmilla. Your privileges don't come without a cost."

"And what if it's not worth it to me?" Carmilla stepped further into the room, "I don't want it. Any of it."

Lilita looked intrigued, "could you be more clear?"

"I know you want it- you can have it. I'll sign over the company, everything." Carmilla had never been so serious about anything in her entire life. If it meant no more games, she would give up anything her mother asked. 

Lilita laughed, "you expect me to believe-"

"Yes. I expect you to believe because I'm telling you." Carmilla cut her off. "Promise to leave me alone, and it's yours."

Lilita smiled. It was menacing and unnerving, like she had just won one of her more clever games. She clasped her hands on front of her body and and nodded, "alright."

Carmilla couldn't believe it was that easy. Had she won? Or did Lilita win? Did it even matter now that she agreed to leave her alone?

"I'll tell Mattie you're ready to leave." Don't wait another second. That was Carmilla's plan. Get them out of there before they caused any serious damage. 

"We." Lilita corrected. 

"What?" Carmilla turned back around. 

"We. Tell her _we_ are ready to leave." Lilita looked around the house like she didn't want to wait another second either, "as soon as you gather your things."

No. "No- you just said-"

"Do you think I'm stupid? I'm not about to let you continue traipsing around causing trouble." She took slow steps towards Carmilla, "now that it's about to become my company, the last thing I'm going to allow is for you to make an even bigger fool of yourself."

"You can't do that." Carmilla had one second where she felt like she was going to finally be free. Then it was gone, just as quickly. 

"Darling." Lilita tilted her head thoughtfully, "I can do anything I want."

It wasn't hard to tell that was not what Carmilla was hoping would happen. All she could do was stand there. The confidence from before gone, having lost the game after all. Posture slumped and eyes cast downward. It had been useless. It had always been useless.

“Quit wasting my time.” Lilita was clearly not bothered by Carmilla’s sudden defeat.

“You have to let me say goodbye.” It was desperate, and probably hopeless, but if there was one more thing she had control over, it would be how she left Laura.

“To whom?” An unsettling guffaw erupted from her, “The silly little girl you’ve wasted your time with? You know she's just some momentary fling you’ll get bored of and leave in a mess I’ll have to take care of. These girls rarely last very long, especially once I have a word with them.”

The last part was really all Lilita was trying to get Carmilla to understand. Translation: Leave the girl or I’ll make it happen for you.

“Don’t.” Carmilla looked up at her angrily. “This isn some trivial thing you can dismiss or ruin because you don’t like it.”

“Not trivial?” It was as if the idea delighted her, “She’s a foolish girl that couldn't possibly fit into our world. She's better off in this barn of a home. What did you think it was? _Love?_ ”

The world rolled off her tongue like it was a fantasy, a made up word to lure people into idealistic lives they would never actually be happy living. She didn't believe in love. Not if the way she spoke the word said anything about it.

“You cant be serious, Carmilla.” It was no longer a joke as her lips drew tight and her eyes narrowed. “Love is just a word.”

“Until you find someone to give it a definition.” Carmilla hadn't claimed it was love. At least not out loud. Because she knew it seemed like a fairytale, too good to be true. It felt ridiculous to call what had started out as a flicker and transformed into something so consuming love. But she had felt it. 

God, had she felt it.

In the way her chest ached every time Laura frowned. Or the way she felt like she couldn't breathe until she was standing next to her. The way her heart leapt and stuttered every time Laura bit her bottom lip, or scrunched up her nose, or laughed. She had felt it in how greatly she had ached when she thought she had lost her. The way music suddenly had a new melody, and the sound of her voice was sweeter than anything else she had ever heard.

She felt it. Because, Love? Suddenly had been defined.

—

She expected to see Mattie first thing when she got outside, but that's not who she saw. 

"Get out of my way Danny long legs."

"Clever." Danny didn't budge, basically blocking Carmilla from walking outside, "but I'm not moving."

Carmilla didn't have the patience for this. "You win."

Uh, what? Danny didn't say it- her face said it for her. 

"I'm leaving." Carmilla stepped forward, getting in her space, "now move before I move you."

"She doesn't want to see you." Danny took a small step back, but not enough for Carmilla to get by. 

"Why don't you let her tell me that herself?" Carmilla wasn't going to wait, she stepped forward, fast enough to startle Danny to step back and let her by. 

Her eyes scanned the deck filled with people, she didn't have a lot of time and she had to talk to Laura. When she spotted Mattie, standing next to Laura, her stomach dropped. Maybe it was already too late. 

Laura spotted her immediately and was the first to move. It didn't matter that they were surrounded by her family in the middle of this party, as soon as Laura was close enough she couldn't hold it in any longer, "Is it true?"

Carmilla swallowed heavily, trying to figure out what exactly Laura was asking about. Her eyes darted to where Mattie was standing, sipping her champagne with her eyes locked on her and Laura. 

"What did Mattie tell you?" Her voice was quiet, trying not to draw attention.  This situation was bad enough without ruining the anniversary party.

"What _you_ didn't." Laura caught herself getting angry. That wasn't really what was happening, she was hurt. She sighed and stepped closer to Carmilla, "You stole my resume, to send to businesses you own? Did you think I couldn't do it on my own? Why didn't you just tell me? And did you rig the interview? Was it even real? Was any of this real?"

The longer she spoke the more desperate she sounded. 

"Laura." It broke something in Carmilla to hear what she was saying, "dance with me?"

"What?"

"Just-" Carmilla stepped forward placed a hand on Laura's waist, pulling her closer. She took it as a good sign when Laura wrapped her arms around her shoulder loosely. 

"Last time you got mad when I didn't let you explain." Laura was keeping as much distance as possible between them while still swaying to the music, "so explain."

Carmilla nodded and licked her lips nervously. If there was ever a moment to put everything on the table, this would be it. 

"Panthera, it was left to me. So yes, it's my company. I sent Mattie your resume only because I knew she had reach. I honestly didn't know who she was sending them to, I had nothing to do with the Corvae interview, if they offer you the job, which they would be idiots not to, it's because you deserve it."  Then there was the rest. "This, everything that's happened, has been real. I promise."

"How am I supposed to trust you?" Laura had to look away from Carmilla's face. Because she wanted to trust her but this wasn't the first time something like this had happened. It wasn't even about the details- it was just the fact that she had lied. Again. "It feels like you don't trust me. Don't believe in me." Laura chuckled humorlessly, "and they did, offer me the job. I was going to tell you tonight because I thought..." She trailed off, suddenly embarrassed by where the thought was headed. 

"Thought what?" Carmilla asked quietly. 

"I don't know. That maybe it would matter when you decided what you were going to do after this trip. In California." She looked up at Carmilla, "it was stupid and now I don't know if I'm going to even take it."

"And me?" 

"I don't know." Laura shrugged, "I feel like I don't know you."

Carmilla exhaled heavily. Maybe her mother was right. Laura would be better off without her. Laura could have saved herself a lot of trouble had they never offered to take Carmilla in.

“The job? Take it or don’t.” Carmilla dropped her hands from Laura’s waist. This was goodbye, and being that close to Laura would only make it harder. “You're going to change the world Laura, and it's going to have nothing to do with me. I just wanted you to see beyond the black and white. Beyond what you thought you had to do. Thought you could do. You can do anything. Even the stars are dull compared to you.”

The reality was, Carmilla had simply been clinging to a shooting star hoping just to get near Laura. She always knew it would loose its spark and stop short of reaching her, even if she didn't want to admit it.

They hadn't noticed everyone else stop dancing. They hadn't noticed the music go quiet. They hadn't noticed anything except the matching aches within their chests as soon as Carmilla finished speaking. 

For one of them it was a sorrowful goodbye. For the other it was an end before she was ready. 

"You're leaving." Laura finally spoke, "aren't you?"

—

Gran was having the night of her life. Her whole family gathered, celebrating with her and her husband a life they had all created together. There were a few strays they had all taken in, some newer than others, but there was nothing but love there that night. 

So when someone unexpected showed up, she paid attention. She may have been old, but she wasn't clueless. 

Mattie remained a mystery- the kind of mystery that makes you nervous, not the kind that keeps you pleasantly interested. As soon as Laura interrupted the conversation, she could tell there was more going on than met the eye. 

It was easy to sneak into the house unnoticed. Granddad was happy to have a break from dancing, the rest of the family was distracted with Perry's treats and the dancing happening. Some were better than others at that part. When she made it into the kitchen, that's when she stopped. 

Carmilla was in the doorway, facing the other room. But not for long. Whoever she was talking to made her unsettled, that much Gran knew for sure. Because the clever, confident woman Gran had met was gone. In her place was a nervous, almost small, girl. 

As Carmilla walked out of the kitchen completely, Gran gave herself permission to stay and listen for a moment. It was her house, after all. 

_“The silly little girl you’ve wasted your time with? …These girls rarely last very long, especially once I have a word with them… She’s a foolish girl that couldn't possibly fit into our world. She's better off in this barn of a home…”_

Gran almost ran in right then to give that woman a piece of her mind. Even if she did seem terrifying just by her voice. But Carmilla surprised her. Or maybe she didn't. Because Gran usually had a good sense about people, and she had a good feeling about Carmilla from the moment she met her. 

_“Love is just a word.”_

_“Until you find someone to give it a definition.”_

She heard it in her voice. She felt trapped, and defeated. Yet somehow so sure of what she was saying. When it came to animals being trapped, it triggered one of two responses. Fight or flight. This girl had spent her whole life fighting- and now with the sights being set on Laura (Lilita seemed a master of subtle threats, but it was clear Laura was her target), Carmilla was going to choose flight. Not from the woman that posed a threat. But from the woman that could potentially be collateral damage if she didnt. She was going to give up Laura to keep her from getting hurt. 

It wasn't going to be an easy fix. Matters of the heart rarely were, especially with this much going against you. But Gran had to do something. She made her way back out of the house and went right to Lafontaine. 

"Tell me about Carmilla."

"You aren't going to call her broody or beautiful or mysterious?" Laf snorted and shoved a cheesecake bite in their mouth. 

"Don't make me slap the red from your head." Gran made a challenging face that somehow still seemed loving while getting the point across. 

"What do you want to know?" Laf asked, lowering their plate. 

"Anything."

Laf filled Gran in on what they knew from the time they had traveled together. Mostly the shortened version for lack of time and so they could get back to the cheese cake. Her Company, the motorcycle, hospital, Laura's resume, water slides, doesn't know rules of shotgun, planetarium, record shop...

"Alright that's enough." Gran smiled and gave Laf a hug, "enjoy yourself now, alright?" 

With that she walked away, leaving Laf confused and happy to be back to cheesecake. 

Next she found Emory. She was punching Tommy in the gut as hard as she could with a wide smile on her face as the older boy tried not to wince. As much as Gran encouraged them all to play together, this wasn't exactly something she should encourage. 

Emory was made mostly of curiosity, and only sometimes trouble. That meant she was a lot of fun. It also meant she knew a lot of random things from her incessant question asking. Besides being curious, once you got Emory talking, it was hand to get her to stop. That meant she was the exact person Gran needed to talk to, and the one person that was perfect to help figure out a plan.

—

"...even the stars are dull compared to you."

Clanking of a spoon against a champagne glass cut through the quiet chatter from everyone. Drawing attention and silencing voices. Laf had stopped the playlist coming through the speakers to give Gran the chance to talk

"Don't worry, I just need a minute! Then you can get back to looking like goof balls!" Gran winked and everyone laughed. Gran rarely got obviously serious or sentimental, but this was special. "thank you, my family for this amazing evening..."

It didn't matter what Gran was saying. Not to Laura and Carmilla. They were stuck in different orbits, both desperate to gravitate to the other but being pulled further away the longer the silence between them lingered. 

"You're leaving, aren't you?"

Carmilla's lungs emptied slowly. Like every moment she had sat at the bottom of the pool, just a second longer than her body wanted to let her. It was shaky, and it left her feeling hollow. Breathing had never been so painful, but it still wasn’t as painful as the vice that gripped onto her heart.

Carmilla felt a tug on her shirt and looked down at the big brown eyes and wide smile directed at her. “Not now, Emory.”

“But gran said-“

“Please.” Carmilla cut her off harshly then sighed, “Not now.”

“Carm, I think you better listen.” Laura had finally looked around when Emory showed up and realized they were putting on a show, but she wasn't sure for how long.

At Laura’s urging, Carmilla looked around and noticed the same thing. Everyone was quiet and watching them with smiles. Everyone except the woman at the door. “God, no.” 

Her mother decided to join them after all.

Mattie’s heels clacked against wood as she made her way over to Lilita slowly, her eyes locked on Carmilla. Mattie had always been someone that walked a thin line with the pair. She gave off the appearance that she was very much loyal to Lilita, but more than once she had shown Carmilla she was on her side instead. She was just smart about which battles she chose to fight, always moves of strategy. If there was anyone as good at playing the long game as Lilita, it was Mattie. Although she was now at Lilita's side, Carmilla knew she had her back.

“Carmilla?” Gran spoke again. 

Maybe they should have paid better attention to Grans speech, because Carmilla had no clue what she had asked her to do.

“You get to play a song!” Emory took hold of Carmilla’s hand and started pulling her over towards Gran.

“I what?” This night just kept getting worse. “No, I cant.” Carmilla shook her head, giving Gran a pleading look as she landed at her side.

“Don’t be silly,” Gran smiled and gestured towards the guitar Chris was holding, “The kids said you were wonderful!”

“I think they exaggerated.” Carmilla looked over her shoulder at Laura and saw her watching carefully. Their conversation had been exhausting, not to mention the one she had previously with her mother. She wasn't sure she had much fight left in her at this point.

But Laura looked more rapt than sad like she had while they talked, so maybe this was a good way to end things. Carmilla knew she had to leave with her mother, but she also knew it wouldn't be forever. Once she was able to sign over the company she would be free. Maybe that meant she and Laura could try again. Which meant maybe this was only goodbye for now, and not forever. 

She only had a second to decide because a quick glance over to her mother told her Lilita was losing patience, but just like she thought, Mattie spoke up first.

“Don’t be rude darling.” It was like playing chess. Know how to play the game and you might actually win. And lucky for Carmilla, Mattie was on her side. “The least you can do is play them a song before we leave.”

Lilita must have realized it would be a wise move to allow it because she only fixed her posture and tightened her features. Cold eyes, tight lipped, sharp cheekbones and a clenched jaw. She would allow it, but wasn't happy about it.

“I uh, don’t know what to play.” Carmilla reluctantly took the guitar and leaned close to Gran, “I really don’t want to do this.”

“Yes.” Gran nodded knowingly, “But you should. And not for me.”

Apparently everyone else was clueless to the tension that had started to fill the air. Besides Gran, Lilita, Mattie and Laura, no one else knew what was going on. Everyone was clapping and urging Carmilla to play. 

It was like a scene from her nightmares. She hadn't minded so much playing for a bunch of half asleep kids knowing Laura was listening. But this? This was different. How was she supposed to pour her heart out through song with Laura's entire family there. 

But it was now or never. 

Carmilla settled the strap around her shoulder and nervously pressed her fingertips into the strings on the neck of the guitar. 

"I guess I'm playing a song." Carmilla tried to sound put out instead of nervous. Everyone but Laura bought it. "No one says no to Gran, right?”

She took a deep breath, keeping her eyes on Laura. For however chaotic the world around her felt, Laura seemed to be the gravity keeping her steady. Too much had been said already, but not nearly enough words were spoken. How do you say your sorry for something you know you have to do? How do you tell someone you love them but you cant love them right in that moment? How does she offer a heart that had known nothing but darkness as it hid behind walls?

How do you ask someone to _stay_ , when you are the one that has to leave?

  
_[A dangerous plan, just this time](https://youtu.be/dFD02LYcw4k)_   
_A stranger's hand clutched in mine_   
_I'll take this chance, so call me blind_   
_I've been waiting all my life_   
_Please don't scar this young heart_   
_Just take my hand_

_I was made for loving you_   
_Even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through_   
_Every bone screaming I don't know what we should do_   
_All I know is, darling, I was made for loving you_

  
It was a good choice. It was an anniversary party. What else was there to sing about other than love? And as everyone listened, a few finding their partners and dancing, Carmilla continued to sing to Laura. Whatever happened when the song ended, she would have less control over. But this? These words were something she chose. Something she _could_ say.

——

"Just like that?"

"Just like that." Laura downed another glass of champagne. 

Laf waited till Laura held the glass out before refilling it again. For a girl that usually didn't drink, she was going pretty hard on the bubbly. "She didn't say why?"

Laura shook her head as she lifted the glass, "all she said was it was better this way."

"It probably is." Danny muttered quietly. Not quietly enough. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Laura asked with just the hint of a slur. Maybe it was time to stop refilling her glass. 

"I knew she was trouble." Danny decided not to hold back. She knew something like this would happen but no one wanted to listen to her. 

"What?" Laura set down the glass, a little too harshly and it clattered loudly. Luckily by now all the kids had been taken inside to get ready for bed and there were only a few others outside cleaning up. 

"I tried to tell you but you wouldn't listen." Danny was beyond frustrated Laura was still sticking up for Carmilla.

The girl had just taken off with a half assed explanation, and Laura was more sad than angry. 

"So little Laura is blind and can't make her own decisions? Is that it?"

Laf decided maybe it was time to step in, "Allllright. How about we all just go inside?"

"Yeah," Danny still couldn't understand why Laura was more angry with her than Carmilla, "let's just go in and get ready for bed and we can talk more."

Was she serious? "I don't want to talk anymore." Laura stood up from the table, "not tonight."

Perry sighed. She didn't think it would be fair for her to say anything, she had thought Carmilla was going to be a good thing for Laura. For all of them really. And for her to leave with barely a goodbye, just didn't make sense to her. 

Laf stopped Danny from following Laura as she made her way across the lawn to the fence lined with lights. "I think she just needs some space."

Danny scoffed, "right." Then she grabbed a couple dishes and headed inside. 

It was Gran that eventually approached Laura. She stayed silent for a long time, standing with her at the fence and petting the horses through the planks. 

"Something on your mind Laura bear?" 

“No.” Laura refused to look over at her.

“You’re sure?” Gran stepped a bit closer.

“Nope.” wait. “I mean yes.” uh.. “what was the question?”

Gran stayed quiet and waited.

“She just left.” Laura shrugged, glancing over at Gran. “She wouldn't even explain why she had to go.”

Gran nodded. Carmilla had left quickly. As soon as she finished playing the song Gran requested, she disappeared into the house, followed by the two women that had shown up to get her. She was gone all of ten minutes before she snuck back out and quietly took Laura aside.

Gran hadn't heard that conversation, but she remembered the one she overheard between Carmilla and her mother.

“Maybe she didn't have a choice.”

“You always have a choice.” Laura stepped back away from the fence, “You know who taught me that?”

Gran gave her a sad look and shook her head.

“Carmilla.” Laura shook her own head softly, looking down at the ground and taking a breath. Laura had started this trip intent of helping Carmilla find her way, somehow the roles switched and without even knowing it, Carmilla helped Laura find herself instead.

Now she had lost Carmilla. And she didn't even know why.

——

“If you’re going to be this dreadful the entire trip back—“

“Don’t. Please.” Carmilla’s voice was barely audible as she stared out the window. Her forehead pressed against the cold glass as she went over everything that had happened in her head.

Mattie sighed, “It would have never lived up to expectations, Carmilla. Someone would have been disappointed.”

Carmilla sat up and turned to face Mattie, “I know. People are going to disappoint you. I get that. Hell, I expect it. I just never wanted to be the person that disappointed her.” 

There's a reason monsters hide under the bed. Usually they are more afraid of you than you are of them. The look on your face when you see them, the fear in your eyes.. reminds them they aren't human. But something pulls at them until they crawl out from under the bed, just in case. Just in case you look at them and aren't afraid. Because even a monster can be afraid of the darkness. 

Carmilla had finally let herself be seen, and nothing terrible had happened. In fact, it was the opposite. Something amazing happened. Then the darkness she was trying to escape pulled her back and all she could do to save Laura from being pulled with her was to let her go.

“Carmilla.” Mattie’s voice seemed at least a little empathetic, “sometimes we try too hard to be the hero in someone else’s story, and become a villain.”

“And sometimes you were _born_ to be the villain.” Lilts voice was harsh and firm.

Mattie and Carmilla both looked to the front of the car to where Lilita was sitting in the front seat. She hadn't even bothered to turn around before interjecting her own terrifying opinion.

“Now, if you’re finished.” Her voice was sharp, giving finality to the conversation. 

Carmilla sank back into her seat, forehead back against the cool glass. Her breath fogged the window with the shallow puffs that escaped her lips. She kept still for most of the drive, the silence in the car deafening as they went from dirt road to highway. It wasn't long before Carmilla was dying to be out of the car. To be back with Laura.

She rolled the window down, ignoring her mothers protest and searched the sky for the stars. Because she knew without a doubt they would be there. People always spoke of the sun as the be all end all. _She shone like the sun, she was as bright as the sun…_ Carmilla was interested in something else.

The sun doesn’t rise and fall. Its the earth that runs round it. From day to night and back again. The stars are just as constant. Burning in the heavens, shining brightly when the earth turns its back to the sun. Sometimes the sun shines too brightly, and the stars are softer, sweeter, more gentle.

And just like the sun— sitting proudly in the sky. The north star shines endlessly.

The sun is obvious. So much so that people forget that's where the warmth and light of the day is coming from. But the North Star? You have to be looking to see it. But once you look, it's shine is so brilliant it can guide your way in the dark. Thousands seek the light of the North Star, hoping to find it so they can find their way. Sailers, explorers, adventurers and those lost can find their way in darkness if only for the North Star. 

She had known it the night before. She would love Laura endlessly. And now, she would have to do it from afar. Because she would never stop searching the sky for the north star.

——

The room seemed empty as she stood in the doorway. So much had happened in such a little amount of time. It was strange to feel this large of a shift with the absence of Carmilla. She had barely been gone any time at all, which made Laura wonder how the rest of the trip would feel without her.

Instead of writing in her journal that night, she hugged the pillow she had shared with Carmilla the night before. Fighting back tears that were trying desperately to fill her eyes. Because it was crazy to think she had really fallen in love. And it was too soon for her to say she missed her. And she knew of all the words she had ever written- those would be the most honest and most heartbreaking.

So she didn't write them. Because it would only add to the cracks forming in her heart. 

 


	14. California Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shit goes down. Carmilla peace out and Laura is headed to California...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long! Leave me comments... it helps me write faster and better :) haha

It was easy to ignore the first knock. It was soft and hesitant, and as soon as she rolled over and pulled the covers over her head the noise was easily forgotten. The second one was harder to ignore. It was later in the morning and she had already been awake when it came louder than the first. Sleep wasn't going to return, instead she was just laying in bed wishing whoever it was would go away. 

The third. That's the one that got her up. It wasn't so much the knock on the door as it was the person that didn't wait for a response before entering. 

"I know the party was good but it wasn't _that_ good." Laf let them self in and made their way to the bed. Laura didn't bother to scoot over and Laf didn't bother waiting for her to. They flopped down, landing halfway on Laura, propped them self up with a pillow and nudged her, "too much champagne?"

"No." Laura grumbled and tried to pull the covers over her head. Laf stopped her. 

"Everyone is wondering where you are." Laf held the blanket firmly in place so they could see Laura's face. "We need to make a game plan. We weren't sure if you wanted to spend another day here or get back on the road."

Both options sounded terrible. She didn't want to be surrounded by family while she felt this crappy, and being back in a car just didn't have the appeal now that Carmilla was gone. She just wanted to mope in peace and then magically be in California without the last bit of travel time. 

Plus, somehow she had managed to downplay Carmilla's exit last night to most of her family and even Danny, Perry and Laf didn't know all that had gone down. As far as most everyone knew, Carmilla's mother showed up to rescue her from the accidental road trip due to her accident. They weren't privy to the emotional goodbyes or the dramatics surrounding her mothers appearance and insistence that Carmilla leave. 

Then again, she had avoided everyone until now, so who knows what kind of story developed over breakfast over what had happened. 

Laura sighed and rolled far enough to lean her head on Lafs shoulder. "I guess I better get up."

Laf nodded, "but first," they adjusted so they could see Laura's face, "you ok frosh?"

"Is it stupid if I say I don't know?" Laura was aware it would seem silly to most people how emotional the goodbye was. Because _'they had only known each other a little over a week'._ She knew. It didn't matter. It still hurt.

"Not at all." Laf shook their head reassuringly, "she was quick to make an impression."

Of all the people that could have barged into her bedroom, Laura was beyond grateful it had been Lafontaine. Somehow they knew exactly what to say without having to say much. And they were right. She had made an impression. Not only with Laura, but everyone. 

The kids loved her, no matter how surprising that was, Laura's aunts thought she was charming, Gran adored her, even grandad shared his paper with her (something he never did) and Laf and Perry had created their own forms of friendship with her too. 

Laura might have been feeling it deeper, but everyone would notice Carmilla's absence.

—

Bare feet padded against cool hardwood as she made her way through the large apartment. Once in the kitchen it took more than a couple tries to find the mugs, then the coffee. Just as she was about to start the coffee maker she heard the sound of keys and the front door opening. 

Pot in hand she stared down the hallway where whoever it was would be coming and waited. 

"Thank the gods." She sighed tiredly and set the pot back down on the counter. 

"Why thank you." Will grinned cockily. 

"Not you, dimwit." Carmilla walked over and reached for one of the two cups in his hand, "coffee."

"It's hot-" he hadn't warned her fast enough.

Carmilla pulled back with a sharp intake of breath as coffee burned her tongue. "Thit." She lisped as she stuck her tongue out and even attempted to look at the end of it where it had been burned. 

"Maybe if you would have acknowledged my presence with a hello or something first, you could have avoided that."

"Hello William." Carmilla drawled with an annoyed expression before a small smile broke out on her face. 

"There it is." Will laughed and bumped his shoulder into hers as he walked by and towards the table in the kitchen. 

Carmilla shook her head and followed him. Will was her half brother, and the only part of her family left that she actually didn't hate. They had a weird relationship but they always had each others backs. 

"So did you rat me out?" Carmilla sat down and pulled the lid off the cup. 

"You did that to yourself." Will chuckled, "assault? Really? You think mother would look the other way on that one?"

"She didn't bat an eye when the report of my motorcycle accident and hospitalization was made." Carmilla scoffed and lifted the cup to try once again. "You know, when she forced me on a red eye flight, I didn't expect to show up here."

"I think that was Mattie." Will shrugged, taking a sip from his own cup. "Whatever reason, it's good to see you."

Carmilla rolled her eyes at the sincerity. 

Will smirked, "You too Will, it's been too long, you're my favorite brother..."

"You're my _only_ brother." Carmilla responded with a playful scoff. 

\----

"I packed a bunch of sandwiches, and told Lafontaine to grab some sodas and juices from the fridge." Gran pulled Laura in for a hug, "you sure you don't want to wait until morning? You only have a few hours till sundown."

Laura hugged gran tight, "yeah, we can get to Utah tonight and then maybe finish the drive tomorrow if we really push it."

Laura had finally gotten up and ready just in time to help with lunch. It was chaotic as usual and family actually helped her forget how much she missed Carmilla for a while. Then Emory refused to eat any vegetables and all Laura could think of was Carmilla and how surprisingly easy she had gotten on with the kids. 

Danny seemed more sympathetic than the night before and hadn't said anything that even resembled 'I told you so', so Laura was grateful for that. 

They all spent the early afternoon playing with the kids and talking with aunts and uncles until Laura decided it was time to go. They could have stayed another day, but prolonging the trip just felt weird when she really just wanted it to be over. 

It hadn't taken long for everyone to pack and get bags in the car. They managed to be ready to go just before dinner time, so everyone was conveniently together for the round of goodbyes. 

Lots of hugs around Laura's legs and waist from the kids, then tight, long hugs from her aunts, uncles and grandparents. Everyone was sad they were leaving but seemed to understand her mood regardless. 

"Drive safe, sweetheart" gran gave Laura a good squeeze before finally letting go and moving on to the trio of gingers standing close by. "That goes for all of you, too."

"Thanks again so much for the lovely weekend." Perry have Gran a hug, "it was wonderful."

"And thank you for the recipes!" Gran gave her a hug before letting go and pulling Laf into her arms, "and you!" Gran pulled back and smiled, "stay weird."

"Always." Laf grinned wide. 

Laura was almost out the door when she felt a tug on her shirt. She turned around to Emory, who looked confused.

"Can I tell Carmilla goodbye?" Her eyes were wide like she was worried she had missed her in all the busyness of the family.

Laura crouched down and put her hand on Emory's shoulder and tried to give her a smile. "She uh, already left sweetie."

She gasped, eyes wide, "Without saying goodbye?!"

"Afraid so." Laura actually chuckled at Emory's dramatics. She was definitely a character.

Emory sighed, but seemed to understand. Then she shook her head like she was disappointed and mumbled as she walked away, "Dammit."

Laura laughed as she stood up and made her way out the door. She was going to miss them.

Then was the part where things could get awkward. 

Danny had her truck, and the other three had the car they had been driving. With just the four of them now, it meant someone should probably ride with Danny. The obvious choice being Laura.

—

2 hours. That's how long they drove in silence. Danny's hands gripping the wheel so tightly her knuckles were white. And Laura looking out the window like the space between Colorado and Utah was the most beautiful landscape she had ever seen. 

The landscape between Colorado and Utah? Empty desert. Not even remotely interesting to look at. 

"So." Danny finally spoke. It was uncomfortable and awkward all jam packed into one two letter word. "Excited to get to California?"

Laura cringed before looking away from the passenger window. Sure, the silence was terrible, but small talk? Between her and Danny especially, was just awful. 

"Uh, yeah." Laura shifted in her seat, "nervous a little, too."

"You'll do great, Hollis." Danny glanced over, already feeling less awkward. They were friends before, this didn't have to be terrible, "you've already got a job offer and you haven't even gotten there."

It was meant to be encouraging, Laura knew that, but Danny didn't know the whole story of how that job offer came about. 

"Yeah, hopefully not the only one that comes." Laura sighed, wishing they were talking about anything but her. "What about you? Excited about your big fancy job?"

Danny chuckled, "I think sitting in a dugout with a bunch of dirty players, waiting for one of them to get injured isn't quite in the realm of fancy."

"Still, it must be cool to be working with a professional team."

Danny sighed, but with a smile "you aren't the only one nervous for their first real grown up job."

"Grown up?" Laura laughed, "us?"

Danny laughed, the awkward tension no longer there. Small talk shifted into actual conversations. Some about time they had missed together, some about the future. Laura was glad it didn't feel forced, and it was actually super comforting knowing she wasn't the only one nervous about being an adult with adult responsibilities. 

By the time they rolled into the motel in Utah, the pair in Danny's truck were singing along to music as loud as they could. 

Perry couldn't even pretend she hadn't been worried when she climbed out of the car parked next to Danny. The last two days had been a whirlwind of things happening with all sorts of emotions involved. She had no clue what being confined to a car for hours would do. Apparently, it's exactly what they needed.

\----

"Really?" Carmilla had been spread out on the couch in the large apartment when her mother had walked in, Mattie not far behind. "You're leaving me here?"

Lilita pressed her lips together tightly, looking to the corner of the room and trying to ignore Carmilla's lack of manners. "Not unsupervised. Clearly you need to be watched."

Carmilla sat up at that, "who-"

"Matska, of course." Lilita waved absentmindedly towards the woman standing in the doorway. 

Mattie did what would be as close to a pout for her, "me? In California?"

Lilita glanced over unamused, "is there a problem?"

"It's dreadful here." Mattie kept her voice from sounding like a whine, but Carmilla smiled at her dissatisfaction, "there's so much... Sunshine."

Carmilla laughed and fell back into the couch. She wasn't particularly excited about having been given a babysitter, but the fact that Mattie seemed completely unhappy at the thought, made it bearable. 

"You will maintain the appropriate level of professionalism as you work with our company here." Lilita wasn't about to pay attention to the complaints happening around her, "I've arranged for our lawyer to work with you on the necessary paperwork so come December we will be prepared to adjust ownership accordingly." 

Mattie looked quickly to Carmilla. Mattie hadn't been expecting that, Carmilla must have known Mattie wouldn't agree because she ducked her head and played with her hands in her lap.

The silence gave Lilita the impression she had been heard and understood, which left no reason for her to linger. She turned and left the apartment with the familiar sound of heels clacking against hardwood trailing behind her. 

Carmilla didn't even bother looking up once her mother was gone, "I know it's not what you expected."

Mattie hummed thoughtfully, keeping her eyes on Carmilla, "I suppose not." She sighed, more sad than annoyed, "but then, I suppose I've always expected more from you than you've expected from yourself."

Carmilla looked up quickly to see Mattie's expression, soft yet sad, and lacking her usual controlled appearance. Mattie rarely let her true emotions show, something she had learned from Lilita. But this- this was real.

"Mattie..." Carmilla trailed off, she wasn't sure what else to say. Mattie was right, Carmilla knew it. She was a master at giving up early. After years of fighting her mother she got used to settling with annoying her instead of completely defying her. It had always been less work that way.

"I hope you realize your choices don't only effect yourself, Carmilla."

"It's only a few months." Carmilla rolled her eyes, trying to hide the small amount of guilt she felt for disrupting Mattie's life. "A little sunshine won't kill you."

Mattie stood up straight, zero amusement on her face, "I'm not talking about myself." With that she turned and left the room.

It surprised her, the fact that she felt bad at all. It didn't surprise her though, when she realized it was because she was thinking to herself 'what would Laura think?'. Because Laura was noble, and unselfish, and cared about more than just herself. And despite Carmilla's hard exterior- Laura had found her way into Carmilla's heart and had sparked something. Because suddenly she cared about more than just her own life. 

—

"Am I the only one that felt weirdly at home in the car?" Laf pulled back the blanket on the old motel bed.

"Yes." Perry called out from the bathroom where she was going through her usual nighttime routine. 

Laura laughed as she rifled through her bag for her pajamas, "it was definitely less hectic than the last couple days."

Laf looked at her, "don't get me wrong, I love your family." They dropped down onto the bed, "but it's like 20 Laura's running around. And one of you is hard enough to keep up with usually."

"Thanks?" Laura chuckled, "I think."

Danny sat down in the bed next to Laura's bag, "I actually agree. You're great Hollis, but definitely a handful."

Laura scoffed and swung a shirt at Danny, hitting her with it before tossing it in the bag. "I don't recall having to beg any of you to come on this trip with me."

"If I had known it would be like this..." Perry spoke quietly from the bathroom like she hadn't meant to be heard. 

Laf, Danny and Laura all looked at each other with wide eyes at the less than kind comment that came from Perry. 

Perry leaned through the doorway with a playful smile, "kidding."

The other three just laughed, although Laura couldn't help but think about what Perry had said, joking or not. 

The trip had turned out completely different than she had expected. It had been a whole new level of exciting and fun than she imagined. But, she had also felt more confused, scared and actually heartbroken than she could have ever guessed she would be. Had she known it would turn out like this, would she have still chosen to take this trip?

Looking around the room at all her friends, but feeling like the one person she wished was there was missing, she wasn't sure. 

\----

It was empty. Everything about it. It was probably one of the most expensive apartments in LA. Fancy yet minimalist furniture and decorations. Everything was sharp edges and clean surfaces. It looked un lived in, and felt just the same. 

At least that's what she was trying to blame it on. The furniture. The large couch that was still too hard because no one had ever taken naps on it or binged watched a tv series while curled on it in a heavy blanket. The kitchen table that was empty of scratches or food stains from late breakfasts or midnight snacks. The coffee table had no rings from forgetting to use a coaster for hot coffee or spots from spilled wine from laughing too hard to be able to set the glass down carefully. The bare counters and empty sink, lacking any trace of crumbs from someone stealing cookies in the middle of the night, or hot chocolate stained mugs. It was the bed that was cold on either side of her, the brand new sheets that were much too stiff and the overly large comforter that stayed perfectly in place all night. 

Obviously, it was the furniture. 

It wasn't the fact that everything lacked the subtle hint of Laura's presence. The warmth her simply being there provided, and the way wherever she was, felt like home to Carmilla. 

She knew it would take time, but she would eventually stop missing her. Right?

——

Utah was fine. It was hot. Even for what was considered the end of the summer. They all played musical car seats more often this time. 

  
First stretch-

  
Laura and Laf:

"Eye spy with my little eye-"

"Dead bush."

"How did you know?" Laf grumbled. 

"Because there is literally nothing else out there." Laura leaned her head against the window. "And it's what you've 'spied' your last three turns."

 

Perry and Danny:

"You know there's a fairly gentle cleaning agent that could-"

"Perry." Danny gripped the wheel tighter, "this truck is over 10 years old. I'm more worried about the engine dying than a few food stains on the seats."

Perry sighed disappointedly, "suit yourself."

  
Second stretch-  


Laura and Perry:

"No, wait!" Laura turned to her excitedly, "what if you added chocolate chips?"

Perry squinted like she was thinking it over, "you might be onto something."

"Duh." Laura smiled, "I know my sweets."

  
Laf and Danny:

Danny talks about sports, Laf nods along...

Laf talks about science, Danny nods along...

  
Third Stretch-  
  
  
Perry and Laf:

"Do you think our plants are still alive?" 

"Psh!" Laf chuckled, "did you see the contraption I made? It's on a timer to water within each plants individual optimal growth specifications."

Perry smiled, "how silly of me to even ask."

  
Danny and Laura:

Singing Loudly... "Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play  
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate  
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake  
I shake it off, I shake it off..." **  
  
**

This was all before lunch. 

——

Carmilla looked in the closet and sighed. The clothes she had brought with her were all still dirty and in her duffle bag. Her mother however, had provided her with 'appropriate office attire' to wear.

"Kill me." Carmilla groaned as she looked through what was there. 

"It can't be that bad."

Carmilla spun around to the smug grin on Wills face as he leaned against the doorway. "Is this going to be a regular thing? Don't you have your own apartment?”

"I just thought you could use some support for your first day." Will walked towards the closet, pulling out a power suit and holding it up towards Carmilla. 

Carmilla glared before pushing his arm away and grabbing a button up and pulling it harshly from its hanger. "First day? I've been doing this my whole life."

She pulled it over her tank top and did up the buttons before tucking it in. She looked at herself in the mirror and shook her head at her reflection. She just had to survive the next couple months, then she could be rid of it all.

It was clear when she walked into the large office building that pretty much everyone already knew who she was. She could only guess what the whispers were about. Over the years she had given plenty of reasons for an array of rumors to start. Some true, some not. But it wasn't the whispers that made it clear her presence wasn't considered a good thing, it was the looks. 

"You're late." Mattie sounded bored, not bothering to look up from where she was writing at the large conference table. 

Carmilla crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the doorway, "I thought your message about being here at 8 was more of a suggestion."

Mattie looked up, "it's almost noon."

Carmilla grinned, "should we take a break for lunch then?"

"This company-" Mattie paused, letting her voice shift from annoyed to serious, " _your_ company, is not a joke."

Carmilla's cavalier attitude dropped, "you mean my mothers company."

"Not yet." Mattie reminded her, “now,” she gestured the the chair opposite her own, “sit."

——

"You can't just ask a question about water on mars and the possibility of sea creatures inhabiting the planet without being willing to discuss it further!" 

Laura smiled at how riled up Laf was getting, "you realize you're yelling at me over the possibility of some kind of space whale, right?"

"It's a perfectly reasonable discussion topic!" Laf crossed their arms indignantly.

The car fell silent after that. That was the downside of having two cars, even though it made things a little less hectic in some moments, it also meant it was more obvious when conversation lulled to a stop and there was no one else to pick it back up again.

“So, day one.” Laf glanced over and unfolded their arms.

“Day one?” Laura looked over slightly confused, “We’ve been on this trip for like, 12 days now.”

“Well sure,” Laf nodded, “But this is the first day without—“

“Oh.” Laura knew where that was going without them having to finish their sentence. “I don’t know why you’re complaining, you've had shotgun the whole day.” Laura teased, trying to keep things light. 

She knew Carmilla wasn't there. It was hard to think about anything else. It had happened so fast, it left so many questions. What happened between her and her mother in the house? What was Mattie’s role in it all? Why couldn't she explain, or wait until morning? It felt like Laura had read half a book then had to return it to the library. She had gotten to know the characters, see their growth, had fallen in love with their stories-- then suddenly the conflict was there. She was on the edge of her seat, knowing the big reveal of their struggle was about to happen. Then nothing. The book was shut and all she knew was _something_ happened, and nothing more than that. There was so much she didn't know, or understand, and there was practically no way for her to find out how it ended.

“You don’t have to do that, you know.” Laf reached into the back seat and grabbed one of the bottles of water rolling around on the floor. "Act like it doesn't suck."

She didn’t. The thing was though, she wasn't doing it for Lafs benefit. She was doing it for her own. Because if she let her mind go any further into it, she was afraid she would have to admit the feelings that came along with it. And those? Those were almost more confusing than the thoughts. Because just like Carmilla leaving had happened quickly— Everything that had happened before then, was just as fast.

"Excited to get home?" Change the subject. Perfect deflection. 

Laf saw the deflection a mile away but decided to let it go. "Yeah. As much fun as this has been, mundane tasks like getting my mail and making coffee in my own kitchen seem really great."

Laura smiled, "yeah, I guess I overestimated how many days we would go before the glamour of it all wore off."

"Well we are cruising now!" Laf gestured to the wide open road ahead of them, "if we keep up this pace we will be home in no time."

"Better not let Perry drive next rotation."

Lafontaine burst into laughter but nodded in agreement at the comment. "Or any rotation."

Laura smiled, but her mind stayed connected to Lafs comment. Home. Home had always been with her father, in the house she had grown up in. Even after years at Silas, home hadn't shifted in meaning for her. Now, it felt like home was newly defined. The house she grew up in, her town, would always be special to her, but somehow no longer felt like home. Maybe California would hold that definition for her now. 

At least, she hoped it would.

——

Carmilla sighed as she closed the last folder sitting in front of her and added it to the stack on the table. "Please tell me every day isn't going to be like this."

Mattie looked up from her spot down at the end of the large table. "It won't be." She slowly closed her lap top and looked at the watch fixed against her wrist. "Tomorrow will be a few hours longer."

Carmilla groaned and dropped her forehead onto the table. "I don't even want any of this."

"What _do_ you want?" Mattie asked firmly. "It's easy to say you don't want something when you really just don't want to put in the work. If you really don't want it, fine." She stood up and smoothed out her clothes, "but if you just don't want the work, you are in for a surprise darling."

Carmilla stayed slouched in her chair, but watched as Mattie left the conference room without the slightest hint of sympathy for her. 

What did she want? It was a valid question. She had lived in the land of only knowing what she _didn't_ want, she didn't have an answer for the first question. Mattie wasn't the first person to point that out either. Laura had told her the same thing. She had always made choices based off of what would be the opposite of what others wanted- not because it's what she wanted. 

She had just spent an entire day (or afternoon) looking through budget reports, productivity assessments, expansion proposals and actually understood it all. More than that, she was able to adjust things and see things others had missed. She was good at this stuff. So why was she so sure she didn't want it?

She wanted to blame anyone but herself. Mattie, for making her do the work that made her realize she could actually do this job, and probably do it well. Laura, for calling her out in the first place. But the mess her life had become was her own fault. This was only one thing on the list of things she knew she probably needed to reconsider. Just like the mess was her own fault, she knew it was up to her to change it, or to continue to ignore it. 

As she left the conference room and headed to leave, she ignored the over eager puppy dog of a man that had been assigned to be her assistant for the remainder of her time there. Surely another one of her mothers games, he was dumb as rocks and had no idea, smiling through everything that came his way. Probably good for him, since Carmilla was less than nice to him the entire day. He didn't seem to mind, or understand, the endless string of insults she shot at him. 

"See you tomorrow!" He called down the long hallway.

Carmilla rolled her eyes and hit the button for the elevator doors to close faster. Day one. Felt like an eternity. 

——

It was surprising how quickly Laura adapted to life in California. She didn't have time to actually feel the shock of being somewhere completely new and knowing almost no one. California was busy and hectic and had an energy that excited her. 

She had no reason to worry about job interviews. The day after they all got to Laf and Perry's, she logged into her email to more than a couple notifications and opportunities for interviews. A few came by way of referral by one Matska Belmonde, which at first, Laura was hesitant to accept interviews for those ones. But after a very long conversation with her temporary roommates, decided if they wanted to hire her it would be because of her and not who sent her the resume. It still felt slightly strange taking advantage of a relationship, (friendship?) that had crashed and burned to get a job. Needless to say, she was more excited for interviews at places that had no clue about her momentary connection to the Karnstein empire. 

Within a week she accepted a job offer. Within three weeks, she had an apartment other own. 

"You really don't need to leave so quickly." Perry was helping her box up her clothes, "we really do love having you here."

Laura crawled across the floor and pulled Perry in for a hug, "I know. And I can't tell you how much I appreciate everything you guys have done for me." She pulled back and sat on the floor, cross legged, "I'll only be 15 minutes away and we will keep up with our weekly dinners."

Perry sighed as she continued to fold things perfectly, unlike Laura who was just throwing things in boxes. 

"And you're sure about this job?" She looked up from her neat pile, "I thought it wasn't exactly what you were wanting? And I'm sure if you give it more time you'll have more offers. You don't have to go with the first one you get."

Laura was pulling notebooks from their stash at the bottom of the guest closet- it's a good thing Perry hadn't stepped foot in the room until now, cause Laura could tell it was taking everything in her not to freak out about Laura's lack of organization. 

She stopped when her fingers gripped tightly to a more recent notebook.  The journal she had kept on the trip to California. She hadn't opened it since the night Carmilla had left them all at Grans. She didn't feel like writing her feelings down after that. And the adventure just didn't seem the same. 

Her fingertips brushed across the cover slowly, "I know it wasn't what I thought I wanted, but it's a great opportunity." She set the notebook on the pile and looked up, forcing a smile.

"And it has nothing to do with, you know...?" it was a topic they had all avoided like champions. Talking around it and under it like bringing it up would cause some invisible bomb to explode. 

"You can say her name." Laura deflated.

Perry looked sheepish as she continued, "I just want you to be sure you're making choices about your future for yourself."

It was a valid point. Laura would be lying if she said Carmilla hadn't been in her thoughts when making decisions.  Accept a job that would increase her chances of possibly running into Carmilla, or pick one that was as far away from the possibility as she could imagine. Of course it had been in her thoughts, but she was 90% sure it hadn't affected her choice. 

80%.

Ok maybe closer to 70%.

But Laura had told her self she wasn't going to limit her choices based off of a very confusing relationship.  Opportunity was opportunity. And she had worked hard, so passing something up over a girl seemed silly and dramatic and everything Laura was not going to be.

Her choice to accept the job was because it was a good opportunity. It had room for growth and it was within a very successful company with people she could learn a lot from. 

"I have pizza!" Laf burst through the door with a wide smile and multiple pizzas in their arms. 

"For the whole neighborhood?" Perry's eyes widened at the stack as she stood up from the floor. 

"I couldn't decide what I wanted." Laf shrugged, "and it's Laura's last night with us, so a pizza and a half for each of us seemed reasonable."

"Challenge accepted!" Laura giggled from the floor, reaching her arms out for Laf to hand her a pizza. 

Perry shook her head as she headed for the door, "at least let me get some plates."

Laf chuckled and sat down next to Laura, setting the pizzas on the ground in front of them. "I'm going to miss having someone to gang up on Perry with me."

Laura flipped open the box on top and grabbed the largest piece of pizza. Cheese stretched from its sides as she lifted it, "guess we will just have to make the best of tonight then."

Laf smiled, grabbing their own piece, "Perry! Laura's getting cheese all over herself!"

A clatter and screech sounded from somewhere else in the house before Perry's voice echoed down the hallway, "Hang on! I'm bringing paper towels!"

"Better bring the whole roll!" Laura called out teasingly. 

"On my way!" Perry screeched as the other two just laughed from their places on the floor. 

Laura was definitely going to miss this, but she couldn't help but feel excited. She was making big choices for herself, following her own dreams and making plans. She knew she would probably never have the chance to tell her, but a lot of it was thanks to Carmilla. 

Whether she knew it or not, she had shown Laura that she always had a choice, and the choices she made were important.

Laura only hoped she was making the right one. 

——

"It took you a month, but you finally figured out how to work the coffee maker, huh?" Carmilla lifted the cup to her lips, taking a sip then immediately spitting it back out, "euck." Carmilla stuck her tongue out and shoved the cup back at her temporary assistant, "what the hell is this?"

"Coffee!" Wilson smiled hesitantly, "I stayed late last night to make sure I got it right."

"So you made me coffee last night, then gave it to me today?" Carmilla narrowed her eyes. How this man still had a job here she had no idea. 

"Yes?" He looked confused.

Carmilla just looked at him blankly, "what is your real job here?" Whatever it was, had to require a minimal amount of brain cells, cause my gosh, this guy struggled. 

"Oh!" Wilson perked up, "I work with like, pictures, and add super cool effects and words and stuff and make things look awesome!"

Mattie stepped up next to Wilson and handed Carmilla a to go cup of coffee from a place down the street. "He's a graphic designer. One of our best, actually."

"Seriously?" Carmilla took a sip of her fresh coffee as she looked her assistant over. 

"Seriously." Mattie turned to him with a look that told Carmilla she was just as confused by it.

"So why is he getting me coffee and keeping my schedule?" Carmilla asked skeptically. 

"Because he's the only one I guessed would survive your general lack of kindness." She waved a hand towards him, "his childlike wonder is too strong to crush."

They both looked at him and were met with an even wider smile. 

"Hey thanks, hotties."

Carmilla raised an eyebrow and he looked slightly nervous. 

"I mean, hottie bosses." There. Fixed it. 

Carmilla rolled her eyes, "why don't you go do something you're good at while your 'hottie bosses' talk."

Mattie looked unimpressed but led the way into the large office Carmilla had been using. "This is almost as empty as the apartment your mother gave you."

"What do you want, Mattie?" Carmilla walked to the couch against the wall and sat down. The comment was going to be ignored. Even if it was true. Why make the place comfortable when she was only going to be leaving it?

Mattie took her place behind the desk like it was her own. "I just came to congratulate you."

Carmilla narrowed her eyes at Mattie. She wasn't usually one for praise. Something was up. 

"I mean it." Mattie squared her shoulders, obviously this wasn't typical conversation for her and it left her feeling uncomfortable. "You've managed not to make things worse here and have actually made improvements."

"Gross, stop." Carmilla leaned forward, forearms resting on her knees, "what do you really want?"

Mattie pressed her lips together tightly. "Your mother would like a meeting."

Carmilla scoffed, "my mother would like a meeting?" She leaned back into the couch, "how touching. What next? A heartfelt memo?"

"There are other ways to avoid her besides sarcasm and temper tantrums." Mattie was far too used to Carmilla to even let her attitude bother her. 

"Like what?" It was less fun now that Mattie got less annoyed by her, "fire her?"

Mattie stayed silent, but her eyes stayed fixed on Carmilla. That was exactly what she was getting at, but would never say it out loud. She was smarter than that, Lilita had eyes everywhere, but that didn't mean Mattie couldn't lead Carmilla to different things without actually saying them. 

"Are you serious?" This had to be a joke. Right? A test her mother was giving her?

"I haven said a thing, darling." Mattie's fingertips brushed over the surface of the desk slowly.

Carmilla looked at her carefully. Her demeanor made her nervous, much too cavalier about Carmilla's joke to fire her mother. She was actually unsure how to proceed from here. 

"I think I'll pass on the meeting." She was still unsure about Mattie at the moment, but positive she didn't want to see her mother. Not that her simply saying no would keep that from happening. 

"Very well." Mattie smiled at her. It was more mischievous than pleasant, though. 

That took Carmilla by surprise. “Thats it? No ‘you don’t have a choice’?”

“Of course you have a choice.” Mattie stood up slowly, “You have more control that you’ve been led to believe.”

Carmilla's eyebrows pushed together but she didn't have a chance to respond. 

"I'll inform her of your decision and see you again Monday." Mattie actually smiled as she walked by Carmilla and through the door. 

Was it really that simple? Just say no? If it was, what else did she have a say in? Maybe Mattie had been right to question what Carmilla wanted. Carmilla had completely dismissed it thinking it wouldn't make a difference. But maybe that's all she needed to do all along. Make choices _for_ something instead of against it. Maybe knowing what she wanted is what gave her the power she thought she didn't have. 

So what did she want?

——

**October**

Laura was at yet another staff meeting with stale donuts and terrible coffee, tapping her pen furiously against her notepad at the end of the table. So far she had covered a local school board meeting and written a piece on a cat that paints. Both articles pushed to what people in the newspaper industry considered their own personal Siberia, probably read by 3 people. Laf, Perry, and thanks to her mailing a copy to him- her father. 

Living the dream, Laura. 

Not.

So now that she was in the middle of a meeting where the main topic was none other than Panthera, she was biting her tongue with a force she knew she would regret later. 

"It's been rumored there will be major changes in ownership at the end of the year. For a company like that, this kind of thing could be huge. I want to be the ones who find out what's happening-- Hollis!"

Laura's pen flew out of her hands, she lunged to grab it, her hands slapping the desk as it rolled further away from her. She looked up, pink cheeked and wide eyes. "Sorry! Sorry, ye— yes?"

Cochran settled a hand on her hip, "is there a reason you're more spastic today or do we just need to switch you to decaf?"

The entire table of her coworkers were staring at her curiously. Laura quickly made her impression as someone with a lot of energy, but this was extra, even for her. 

"I actually haven't had any coffee yet today, sir. Ma'am!" Oh my god. Laura didn't even know Cochran knew her name, so to be singled out in the middle of a staff meeting in front of everyone was mortifying. This was definitely not the impression she wanted to make on her editor. 

Cochran looked at her thoughtfully before shaking her head at the clear look of embarrassment on Laura's face. 

"I may have a way to find out." Sara Jane kicked Laura's foot under the table, her own way of telling her to chill out. "I know someone that works graphic design and can see if he knows anything about what's going on."

Cochran looked from Laura to Sara Jane and nodded, "it's a start." She then looked to her notepad on the table in front of her, "now, moving on..."

Laura let out a relieved sigh, leaning towards SJ, "thanks."

SJ scooted her chair closer to Laura, "I did it for myself. Watching you panic was painful. What's with you today anyway?"

Oh just the fact that she kind of took a cross county road trip and maybe, probably, most likely fell in love with the person they were all talking about. But she couldn't really tell anyone, could she? Cause it sounded crazy even for her, and she lived through it. And now said girl was the topic of a major news story. and sure, she could probably use the connection to her benefit and impress her editor, her fellow journalists and the general public with her inside knowledge of the topic and impressive writing skills. But that would mean opening a door that had slammed in her face and broken her heart and where was the line between using connections and using Carmilla. It didn't really matter though, because she couldn't do either. Not in this instance. No matter how much it would help her career wise. Because it had been over a month and she still wasn't over it. Willingly going back into the realm of Carmilla would undoubtedly only hurt everyone involved even more. 

"I had candy for breakfast?" That was easier to say than the spiral of thoughts running through her head. 

"Uh huh." SJ didn't buy it, but went back to paying attention to the meeting anyway. 

Embarrassment in front of everyone she worked with aside- the scoop was something that made her curious. Carmilla had barely spoken about her company when they were together, Laura had gotten more info from Lafontaine about it all and had put most of the pieces together herself after a little online research. (come on. Of course she googled Carmilla once she got to California. One time. Five times.) Then she remembered something Carmilla had said moments before she left grans—

_Laura had followed her into the house, stopping abruptly when she saw the other woman standing stiffly at the door. Carmilla's mother. Her stare was cold, her features harsh, and her energy terrifying. The slightest lift of her chin made Laura feel small, insignificant. Carmilla must have noticed, because she immediately turned around and moved Laura to the kitchen where Lilita couldn't see them._

_"What's going on?" Laura asked quietly, her eyes pleading with Carmilla, "why can't you just wait?"_

_"I can't-" Carmilla shook her head, "it's out of my control right now."_

_"What is?"_

_"Everything!" Carmilla snapped, immediately regretting it. Laura didn't deserve it, and it wasn't how she wanted to leave things._

_She took a deep breath, her eyes closing tightly as she tried to come up with an explanation that wouldn't only bring up more questions. Her eyes opened, softer than they were a second ago, searching Laura's. Her hands came up to tuck hair behind Laura's ears, her fingertips lingering as she leaned forward slowly. Their lips met briefly, it felt like goodbye._

_Carmilla pulled back, eyes still closed as she rested her forehead against Laura's. "I can't explain, there's too much."_

_"I don't accept that." Laura pulled back, determination in her eyes._

_Carmilla should have known better than to expect Laura to let it go that easily. She hadn't expected though, for Laura to fight so hard for her to stay. For however quickly things had happened, Carmilla had never had anyone put up this much of a fight at her leaving._

_"Look." Carmilla knew she had to think fast, Lilita was not a patient woman. "Things will be different, in a couple months."_

_"A couple months?" Laura looked at her confused, "what does that have to do with--"_

_"Carmilla."_

_The woman's voice sent a chill up Laura spine, and Laura saw Carmilla stiffen completely._

_"I'm finished waiting." Lilita spoke clearly, with a sense of finality._

_"I have to go." Carmilla breathed out quickly, "just- things will be different soon. I'll be rid of it all."_

_"What does that even mean?"_

_"Can you just, be patient?"_

_Was she asking her to wait for her? Neither of them were sure._

_"I don't- I don't know." Laura shrugged, still confused. It was happening too fast and she hadn't gotten any answers, only more questions._

_Then Carmilla was gone. Reluctantly led from the room by Mattie. —_  


Was this what she was talking about? As far as Laura had found out, Panthera was going to be Carmilla's after her next birthday. I had been under the control of her mother and the board, but everything was about to change. 

Would her finally being in charge change things? Is that what she was supposed to be patient for? That didn't even make sense though. Why would it matter if they were together before that happened? And if this is what Carmilla was waiting for, why hadn't Laura heard anything from her since that night?

Nothing made sense. But then, when had anything concerning Carmilla made sense?

——

Wilson dropped down onto the chair across from Carmilla and slurped loudly from his cup. It took a glare from Carmilla for him to pull the straw from his mouth, "So what are you coming as?"

Carmilla threw her feet up on her desk and brought her own straw to her lips, slurping just as loudly then smirking, "coming where?"

Wilson looked personally offended, "the Halloween party, bro!"

"What did I say about calling me bro?" Carmilla went back to her slurpee without even acknowledging the real topic at hand. 

She had finally discovered the benefit of Wilson being her fake assistant. He cared almost as little about the rules as Carmilla did. Which meant slurpee runs, ordering pizza to the office, and leaving for 'business meetings' only to end up at the gokart track whenever she wanted. Turned out once she got used to his general personality and way of speech, he wasn't the worst. 

"You have to come!" He wasn't letting it go, "I have this friend, and she's bringing her friend, and I think if you meet her then you might be less grumpy."

"Are you seriously trying to set me up?" That would definitely be worse than some Halloween party. 

"Whaaaat? No." He was a terrible liar. "My friends friend is just bummed out after she got kind of dumped and I thought.."

"You thought you'd pimp out your boss just to cheer her up?"

"No." Wilson shook his head, "I thought it would cheer you up too."

"Touching." Carmilla chuckled at his ability to miss her point completely. "Still not happening. I put up with you at work, doesn't mean I actually like you."

"Alright, you don't have to come to the party." He slurped the remainder of his drink loudly as he stood up, "but I know you like me."

Carmilla rolled her eyes as he left the office. He was right.  He was one of those people you didn't want to like but couldn't help it. Didn't mean she would admit that out loud though. He had good intentions, and looked out for her where he could. More than once he provided a distraction so she could escape the office while her mother or Mattie was looking for her. Which meant he was equal parts brave as he was stupid. 

A set up, though? That was new, and scary to think of what type of girl Wilson would set her up with. Honestly it probably wouldn't matter, because it wouldn't be Laura. And Laura was the only girl Carmilla wanted. 

That, wanting only one person, was also new. 

But she knew the way things had been left, it didn't matter. Laura didn't want her.

The memory of the moment still hurt--

_"I have to go." Carmilla breathed out quickly, "just- things will be different soon. I'll be rid of it all."_

_"What does that even mean?"_

_What did it mean? It means until she could hand over everything to her mother, she knew she would have no say in how things went. Her mother had made sure to keep a hand in everything- controlling as much as possible to the point where just thinking of fighting it anymore was exhausting for Carmilla._

_She couldn't pull Laura into that. The only way to even have a chance was to let her go. Just for now. She only hoped Laura would understand._

_"Can you just... be patient?"_

_Was she asking her to wait for her? Neither of them were sure._

_Carmilla wasn't sure it was fair. What were they, anyway? More than friends, less than girlfriends. They had known each other days, but what she felt was enough to consume her for a lifetime._

_"I don't- I don't know." Laura shrugged._

_Carmilla deflated at her answer. She didn't know. Carmilla was so sure about her own feelings for Laura, she had failed to consider Laura might need more from her to be sure. She knew she was asking a lot. Wait for me with no idea what is happening or when I might be here again. It was stupid of her to hope._

_Luckily, Mattie pulled her away before the heartbreak became apparent on her face._

_She wasn't enough. Laura was everything, and Carmilla wasn't enough. —_

 

Maybe it was time to move on. Or at least try. She knew it was unlikely, Laura wasn't the kind of girl you just fall out of love with quickly. 

Any way she looked at it, it was torture. At the very least, maybe she could find someone to take up the other half of her bed for a night, in hopes she may actually sleep.

As she walked through her office door and after Wilson she knew it wouldn't matter.  It wasn't just a body that she needed to help her sleep. It was Laura. 

——

"I really don't feel like going to a party tonight." Laura was in her pajamas already, the bowl of candy she claimed was for trick or treaters was already half eaten and sitting comfortably on her lap. 

"Trust me, you need to get out." Danny crossed her arms and looked at Laura with a little bit of pity. "You can't just work and sleep. It's not healthy."

"Yeah, besides." SJ came out of the small kitchen holding a can of sofa, "my pseudo boyfriend is going to be there and he says he has a hot friend that needs help getting over a girl."

"First of all," Laura grabbed a piece of candy from the bowl and started to unwrap it angrily, "I think it's really uncool that you're using this guy just for information on a story, and second, I am not going to a party to get drooled on by some overly sensitive guy because he can't handle being rejected.”

Danny nodded at SJ, “She has a point.”

SJ just laughed and dropped next to Laura on the couch, “okay, first of all,” she said mocking Laura's tone, “It may have started out as a way to get info, but he's actually really sweet. And has great arms.”

“Ew.” Laura frowned.

“And second, his friend is not some dude, its a girl,” She nudged Laura as she took a sip of her soda, “who he says is crazy beautiful once you get past the permanent frown and constant sarcasm.”

“Great.” Laura bounced slightly on the couch, “So I’m supposed to go to a party to meet someone who doesn't smile? That will definitely help my current situation. Sounds perfect.”

SJ rolled her eyes, “Danny? A little help?”

“Laura, come on.” Danny dropped her arms to her sides, “Its one night. We can leave as soon as you want to.”

Laura sighed and looked at the bowl in her lap. Her current state was pretty depressing, maybe getting out of the house was a good idea. “I don’t have a costume.”

SJ was beaming, “You can wear that!”

“I’m in my pajamas.” Laura looked at her blankly.

Danny laughed and headed towards the bedroom, “I’m sure there something in here you can make a costume out of.”

She wasn't wrong. It only took 15 minutes before Laura was the spitting image of Hermione. 

“Who knew you were such a potter fan?” SJ looked her over, “You even have your own wand.”

Laura rolled her eyes when SJ and Danny both snickered. Yeah ok, she was a nerd. 

“Are we doing this or not?”

“To the party!” SJ threw her arms up excitedly before grabbing the keys from the counter and leading the way out the door.

Laura was sure she would regret this. The last party she went to was in her junior year, and it ended with her going home early and eating an entire pizza by herself. This party would probably be no different.

It was _way_ different.

“SJ, close your mouth, you’re drooling.” Laura, Danny and SJ were standing at the entrance of the large warehouse. It was completely empty besides the flashing lights, cheap decorations, DJ setup and hundreds of costumed people. “Don’t you have a boyfriend?”

SJ just grinned, looking around the large space, “Pseudo boyfriend. And that doesn't mean I cant enjoy the view.”

Halloween was many things to many people. This group of people? An excuse to wear tiny costumes and show a ton of skin. Honestly, no one was complaining.

“SJ!” A shirtless man with a giant grin came pushing through the crowd, “Hey babe!”

Laura looked from him to SJ, who had a genuine smile of her own on her face, “Pseudo boyfriend?”

“Seriously?” Danny sighed, “Him?”

SJ laughed and waved at the man still making his way over, “Whats wrong with him?”

“Look at him,” Danny gestured towards him, “He’s a shirtless fireman. What fireman goes shirtless? Thats asking to be burned alive.”

“Its a halloween party.” SJ scoffed and disappeared into the crowd towards her shirtless fireman.

Laura looked up at Danny with a curious expression, “You look less excited than me all of a sudden.”

Danny pulled in a heavy breath, “Lets just find the alcohol.”

Laura watched with wide eyes as a girl in what she could only assume was a cop costume (the only real indicator was the handcuffs on her hip) walked by, “I am very okay with that.”

—

A heavy beat thumped through the large warehouse, echoing down the alley as she walked towards it. Colored lights lit up the scattered windows, making it look like a scene straight out of an alien abduction movie. She wasn't even sure why she was here. She got the address from Wilson, sure she was going to bail when it came down to it. But here she was. Late. But there.

“No costume, no entry.” 

Carmilla glared at the big guy standing at the door. “Come on, everyone is too wasted to even notice.”

He wasn't going to budge. “No costume. No entry.”

Carmilla sighed dramatically, “I knew this was a shitty—“ she turned and started back towards the alley she came out of, “stupid halloween- I’m a fucking adult I shouldn't have to—“ she stopped just before she turned the corner, noticing a couple making out against the wall. The girl was a cat and the guy was… Shrek?

She approached the man at the door one more time.

“No costume, no— oh.”

Carmilla smirked and straightened the cat ears on her head. “She wasn't using them.”

The man at the door actually looked impressed. The leather pants and black top definitely tied it all together.

“Idiot.” Carmilla muttered as she walked by him and into the stuffy building. 

The music was definitely louder once she was inside. It was actually impressive how much the warehouse walls had muffled the sound. The air was thick, sweaty bodies filled the large space, people drinking or dancing everywhere you looked. 

If her goal was to find a willing stranger to spend the night with, it wasn't going to be difficult. Just walking through the crowd she was getting more action than she had in weeks. And for what felt like the first time in her life, she hated everything about it. 

Spotting the corner where the alcohol was being served, she sped up. Everything about this was a mistake. She knew there was no point to it before she even got here. If it wasn't Laura, she wanted nothing to do with it. 

"Carm sexy!"

It was muffled by other voices and the overly loud base pumping though the building, but out of anything that could happen that night, she was actually relieved to hear Wilsons stupid voice. 

"Beefcake." Her relief was obvious in her voice and she hated it as soon as Wilson smiled. 

"You came!" He reached out and pinched one of the ears atop her head, "and dressed up!"

Carmilla swatted his hand away quickly and looked around, "you failed to mention this was going to be more of an orgy than party."

Wilson shrugged, "it's awesome, right?!"

"Kirsch!" SJ was still dancing around him as she looked Carmilla up and down, "is this her?"

Carmilla narrowed her eyes at SJ as she addressed Wilson, "whats a kirsch?"

Wilson laughed, "bro! I'm a Kirsch! Wilson Kirsch!" He turned to SJ and wiggled his eyebrows, "told you she was hot and broody."

"I know I should be offended but you aren't wrong." Carmilla rolled her eyes and turned back towards the drinks, "I'll be getting drunk now."

SJ pushed herself up in her toes and kissed kirsch quickly and patted his chest, "i'm going to find Hermione."

Kirsch grinned at her before they split up, SJ going to find Laura and kirsch following after Carmilla. 

"Angry hottie!" He was a little slowing making his way through the crowd, being so big and all, "wait up!"

"Who's hermione?" Carmilla yelled over her shoulder. 

"Who?" Kirsch tripped over a ninja turtle and knocked into the back of Carmilla.

"Your girlfriend." Carmilla shoved kirsch to her side then nodded to the bartender to get his attention, "said she was off to find hermione."

"Oh! Right!" Kirsch leaned on the bar, turning to see if he could find SJ and Laura. The less time Carmilla had to be mad about this, the better. "SJ has this friend.."

The reaction he got was not one he expected. Carmilla looked more scared than angry. 

—

"Laura! Laura!" SJ was dancing her way towards Laura and Danny. I hadn't been hard to find them. A giant red head and the person with the most clothes on in the entire place. 

_'You can't be a slutty Hermione! It's an insult to her character!' Laura took Harry Potter very seriously apparently._

"She came!" SJ grabbed Laura's wrist and started pulling her over to where kirsch and Carmilla had gone. 

"Who came?" Laura stumbled but followed. She didn't have much choice, SJ was surprisingly strong. 

"The girl!" 

"Oh no, no." Laura started to put up a fight, "please don't make me do this. Danny?"

Danny knew why Laura wasn't excited about this more than SJ did, but she'd be lying if she said she didn't want Laura to move on from Carmilla already. Laura had said more than a few times she had, but it was obvious she still missed her. 

"Just give it a shot." Danny tried, "if she's awful then you can disappear into the crowd."

Laura frowned but gave up trying to resist. She told herself if anything, maybe she would make a new friend. She spotted SJs maybe actual boyfriend (she smiled around him too much for it to be completely fake) and got ten times more nervous. She was already awkward in normal situations, a set up was bound to make her exponentially more awkward. 

"Laura, this is kirsch." SJ introduced them as soon as they got close enough. 

Kirsch smiled wide and grabbed Laura in a hug, "alright, little nerd hottie!" He smiled at her costume, "do you you like, totally have a wand and everything?"

He seemed genuinely excited so Laura smiled and pulled a wand she had tucked into her back pocket. The look of happiness on Kirsch's face made all the teasing that night totally worth it.

"That's the coolest!" 

If things went bad with this mystery girl, a least she met kirsch. She already liked him. 

"Where'd your feline friend go?" SJ looked around Kirsch questioningly. 

"She right-" he turned around to where Carmilla had been standing. _Had_ being the key word. She was gone. "She was right here." His eyes darted around the warehouse, honestly she could be anywhere now. 

Laura actually smiled and shrugged, "well I guess that's that. Oh well."

"No wait!" Kirsch turned back with a frown, "We can find her! She's a cat!"

"Does she actually look like a cat or is she just in lingerie pretending it's a cat costume." Danny crossed her arms and scanned the scantily clad crowd. 

"Dude." Kirsch made a disappointed look. "That's my lady bro you're talking about."

"Lady bro?" Laura nearly laughed, "maybe it's a good thing she disappeared." She turned to Danny, "remember when you said we could go whenever I want?"

"What? No!" SJ pleaded, "just forget the girl, let's just have fun!"

Laura groaned but SJ took that as a victory. She took hold of kirsch and Danny and pulled them back into the throng of people jumping up and down to the loud music. 

Laura just watched them disappear into the crowd then turned back to the bartender. She was getting a headache and really wasn't in the mood to party but she really didn't want to ruin the night for her friends. It took a while but she finally got the attention of the bartender and got herself a bottle of water. 

She decided to distance herself from the giant speakers as much as possible but it seemed no matter where she wandered, the music was just as loud. She was about to just go outside when she spotted a door down the way marked for the stairs. As she got closer she noticed it was marked as a security exit with an alarm. Then she noticed something else. 

A beer bottle laying on its side propping the door open. Looked like she wasn't the only one looking for an escape that night. And with the chance of the alarm sounding no longer an issue, she made her way through the door, making sure to shut it gently on the bottle to keep it unlocked. 

Just being in the stairwell was a relief. The music was still loud, but not deafening. The further up the stairs she climbed, the more muffled it got and the less stuffy the air felt. The warehouse was wide, but wasn’t very tall so it didn’t take long before she reached the top of the stairs that led to the roof. That door had been propped open too.

She paused briefly, wondering if maybe it was a bad idea. She didn't know who she had accidentally followed or what exactly she would find once she walked through the door but for some reason, her thoughts went ignored and she was pushing open the door and breathing in the cool air as she stepped outside.

Someone standing near the ledge spun around quickly and Laura got the feeling she was intruding.

“I’m so sorry. I didn't know if anyone else was up here and I didn't mean to—“ She paused as soon as she got a look at the person watching her ramble, “Carm?”

——

“Then what happened?” Laf wished they had a bag of popcorn, this was the greatest story since the book they read about the moon landing.

“Then Danny came running through the door saying SJ was super sick and that her and Kirsch were waiting for me at the car.”

“No!” Perry’s eyes went wide and she looked almost furious. “You didn't go! Did you?!”

Laura spun around to where Perry was standing in the kitchen. She didn't even know Perry had been listening, “I had to! I was driving!”

“So you just left?” Perry looked as heartbroken as Laura had felt in the moment she did exactly that.

“I had to.”

“You _had_ to?” Laf asked, knowing full well that wasn't true.

“I dont know,” Laura deflated, “I didn't know what to do. She didn't even say anything. She just stood there. Then Danny was there and it sounded like SJ was pretty bad and, and.. she didn't even say anything!”

“And Danny?” Laf asked. They were sure Danny had done something stupid upon seeing Carmilla.

“I don’t think she saw who I was talking to.” Laura shook her head, “And if she did, she didn't say anything.”

“Thats lucky.” Laf sighed, they could see it wasn't exactly how Laura wanted things to have turned out. “Well, at least now you know.”

“Know what?” Laura sank further into the couch.

“That she's here.” Laf shrugged, “In California. LA.”

Laura exhaled sharply, “Yeah, and how long as she been here? And hasn't bothered to, to..” _find me_.

God this was awful. Sure, she hadn't been able to get Carmilla out of her head since the moment she left Grans, but this only made everything worse.

——

“And then what happened?” Kirsch had his feet pulled up on the chair, curled in on him self as he listened to Carmilla’s version of the night.

“Then the ginger giant showed up.” Carmilla dropped her head into her hands, her elbows resting on her desk. “If I had a quarter for every time that red head got in my way I’d—“

“Have at least 25 cents.” Kirsch nodded sadly.

Carmilla looked up at him, too exhausted with the whole thing to be annoyed, “At least.”

“So why don’t you just call her?”

“Call who?” Mattie came walking through the door, eyeing Kirsch curiously. For such a large man, he sure was able to curl up on the small chair quite well.

Kirsch stood up abruptly, arms at his sides stiffly like he was standing at attention. Mattie scared the hell out of him. “This little hottie Carm knew and ran into at this killer halloween party—“

“Kirsch.” Carmilla cut him off sharply. The last thing she wanted was to talk about Laura with Mattie.

“I see.” Mattie looked at Carmilla knowingly, “You’re excused Wilson.”

“Apparently its Kirsch.” Carmilla drawled as as she nodded at Kirsch, telling him to leave. “What do you need, Mattie?”

Mattie knew Carmilla was avoiding the topic, which made it perfectly clear who they were pointedly _not_ talking about.

“The company lawyer is here.” She pressed her palms together before clasping her hands, “So is your mother.”

Carmilla looked down at her desk, but otherwise made no attempt to move. It seemed cruel, the last few days. Deciding for the first time in weeks to try to stop thinking of Laura, only to run into her and feel her heart clench with longing like no time had passed at all. Then to be immediately reminded why she had left her in the first place with the untimely meeting with her mother, their lawyer, discussing the details of her giving away the last piece of her father that she had.

“Right. Mother.” She looked up at Mattie, “Perfect.”

Mattie side stepped and gestured to the door, it wasn't wise to keep lilita waiting. As carmilla stood and reluctantly headed that way she let her expression soften just a bit. “That girl, Carmilla?”

Carmilla clenched her jaw but looked at Mattie waiting for the rest of whatever lecture was about to happen.

“Its time to let it go.” Mattie shook her head, “She’s gone. A stranger.”

Carmilla knew she should probably just let it go. She hadn't talked to Mattie about this since the night they came and got her in Colorado. But something about the way Mattie seemed to think it was such a simple thing just seemed unfair.

Unfair to her. Unfair to Laura. Unfair to everything they had felt.

She stopped in the doorway and turned to Mattie, calm, and stoic. “How do you go back to being strangers with someone thats seen your soul?”

Mattie scoff told Carmilla she thought it was all too dramatic. She didn't understand. 

“How do you forget about someone that has become all you can remember?”

Mattie actually looked surprised with the conviction in Carmilla’s voice. It felt good, to know what she wanted. She wanted Laura, and maybe it was time to start figuring out what else she wanted.

She left Mattie and walked towards the conference room where her mother and the lawyer were waiting. It would be a long day of details and fine print, figuring out how to divide assets and business and everything Carmilla intended to give her mother. But as she walked down the hallway all she could think of was the look on Laura’s face from the night on the roof.

Laura looked confused, but relieved. Like she was seeing something she thought she imagined. Carmilla had frozen, her chest tight and her lungs crippled as she looked at the woman she thought she had surely lost forever. By the time she was able to breathe again Laura was already walking away and back into the building. The moment before she walked thought the door, Laura had turned around.

She turned around, and took one last look. It lasted only a second, but it was all Carmilla needed to light the spark that was barely flickering in her ever darkening heart. 

Things were still complicated, and hard to explain. But maybe Mattie had been right. Maybe she did have more control than her mother wanted her to think. And maybe it was time she used that control to do something, instead of running away from everything. 


	15. Stories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took forever.. hope it doesn't suck haha

It was strange, how different it felt now that she actually had a reason to pay attention. She had spent so many years tuning out the voices and ignoring the looks that it was like she was sitting in on her very first meeting. She had been to dozens of these, but this was the first she actually listened. 

Her mother chose her words carefully, much too carefully for what was happening to be something she hadn't thought out or even planned before. 

'Restructuring', instead of 'massive layoffs'.

'Diversifying' instead of 'gaining control in as many areas as possible'.

'Reallocate funds' instead of 'illegally siphon company money into hidden accounts'.

'Heavy Rebranding' instead of, 'completely destroy her fathers legacy'.

It wasn't difficult to see her mother cared nothing for the company, what it had accomplished or the people that had spent years helping to make it as successful as it was. She was going to destroy it, and everyone there, for her own gain. 

Carmilla wasn't the only one that noticed. The poor guy tasked to oversee the legal side of all her mothers plans looked horrified. His adam's apple shifting with each hard swallow after every new declaration of change was the indicator he was worried. 

But Carmilla continued to sit there quietly, paying attention but not making it obvious. Because her mother had a bigger plan than just new management and a few branding choices. She always had a bigger plan, Carmilla just wasn't sure what it was quite yet. 

"You've been uncharacteristically quiet." Lilita looked across the table to Carmilla.

Carmilla had been doing her best to pay attention while doodling on the pad of paper in front of her. She looked up at Lilita, eyebrows pressed together. 

"No dramatic sighs or inappropriate jokes?" She lifted her chin and looked at the paper in front of Carmilla, "I see your time was still wasted."

Carmilla looked down and quickly flipped the notepad over, "are we finished?"

Lilita pressed her lips together tightly, her eyes calculating and cold, "for now."

The silence was tense, the lawyer looking between the women like he was waiting for one of them to lunge across the table and attack the other. 

"What am I really doing here?" Carmilla asked calmly. 

Lilita clicked her tongue in disapproval, "were you paying no attention?"

"Not the meeting." Carmilla was losing patience. How was she supposed to beat her mother when she didn't even know what game she was playing. "Here. California. Who not just drag me back-"

"You'll find anything to complain about, won't you?" Lilita leaned back in her chair and folded her arms. "Am I to believe you're angry I allowed you to do exactly what you wanted to do?"

"Angry, no." Carmilla mirrored Lolita's position, "suspicious? Yes."

"Honestly." Lilita scoffed.

"Really, why let me stay here without you?" It almost felt like she was actually winning. Her mother always had an answer. Truth or lie didn't matter- she always had one. For some reason, she wasn't giving one this time. 

Lilita must have sensed Carmilla's shift of confidence because she narrowed her eyes and sat up tall, "Everything I've done has been for you."

Carmilla scoffed but it didn't stop Lilita. 

"Expensive schools, countless opportunities, the best of everything. When will you understand it's all been for you?"

"It's been for _you_." Carmilla retorted, "send me away when you got tired of dealing with me, give me gifts when you needed me for something, punish me when I don't bend to your will. And now? Now I know you need something."

"So dramatic. Even as a child." Lilita stood up, "I've simply lost interest in fighting you. You're here, you've gotten what you want, and in return I'm getting what I want. Everyone wins." She pressed her palms into her skirt to flatten the invisible wrinkles and cleared her throat. "It was lovely seeing you dear."

Carmilla clenched her jaw, keeping herself quiet while she watched Lilita walk out of the room. The lawyer quickly and nervously shoved things in his bag and scrambled out the door after her. 

It wasn't until she noticed her jaw starting to feel sore that she let herself relax, taking a deep breath. She glanced down at the notepad in front of her and smiled. She flipped it over and let herself relax even more. 

She didn't even know she was doing it, but while she forced herself to listen to her mothers power hungry ramblings, she had sketched the real thing she was most concerned about. 

Laura. 

Warm eyes and a soft smile were staring back at her from her notepad and the only move she knew she wanted to make, was whatever move would get her closer to Laura again. 

She thought for sure that ship had sailed. But something about the way Laura looked at her the night of the party gave her hope. It didn't matter that they didn't even get the chance to talk, something was still there. 

And after all this time? If there was something still there, it had to be real for them both. 

"Psst!" Kirsch was quick to stick his head into the conference room once everyone had left, "happy hour?"

Carmilla let her shoulders relax as she nodded, "happy hour."

Kirsch let out a "whoop!" Before turning and almost running for the exit. Carmilla gave herself a second to take a few deep breaths. Sure, she knew her mother was up to something, but she had spent over 20 years not caring. it was going to take more than one day for her to actually care enough to actually do anything. 

For now she was content to just continue waiting to figure out her mothers larger plan. No use actually making a move before she knew what move to make, right?

——

"Well look who decided to show up." Laura swiveled around in her chair and crossed her arms. 

"Excuse you, but I had a very productive morning, thank you." SJ sat down in her chair with a wide smile on her face. 

"Uh huh." Laura smiled, "Are you talking about that hickie or something else?"

"Something else." SJ didn't even blush, clearly proud of herself despite the teasing, "Okay maybe the hickie too."

Laura laughed and spun back around to her computer, "ok I'll bite, what's the something else?"

SJ grabbed Laura's chair and spun her back around to face her, "remember pseudo boyfriend?"

"Mmhmm." Laura rolled her eyes at the word pseudo. He was totally her real boyfriend. 

"Apparently he knows someone pretty high up the chain at Panthera."

Laura swallowed hard, there's no way it was Carmilla, right?

"I talked him into having lunch today and he said he would introduce me." SJs eyebrows pushed together, "what's that face? Why do you look like that?"

"Like what?" Laura's voice actually squeaked. 

"Like I just found your stash of porn." SJ leaned back in her chair, still confused why Laura looked panicked instead of excited for her. 

"My-- I don't have a stash--" Laura shook her head quickly, "no I just, are you sure that's a good idea?"

"To meet someone that could give me the exact story I'm supposed to be getting?" SJ scoffed, "yeah, pretty sure it's a great idea. What's with you?"

"Nothing." Laura shrugged and spun around to hide her face. She was terrible at hiding her thoughts. Her face always did whatever it wanted. 

"You can come and chaperone if you feel like it." SJ didn't get why Laura seemed so concerned, "kirsch is buying." 

Laura laughed nervously, "no I couldn't. Could I?" 

What would be worse? SJ meeting Carmilla alone when Laura couldn't help but wish she was the one getting to see her- or seeing Carmilla after all this time for longer than 10 silent seconds but in front of an audience?

"I just told you you could." SJ muttered, "I think Cochran was right. Switch to decaf, Hollis."

After that Laura tuned out everything except the quick clacks on her own keyboard. She was making a pro and con list. Naturally. 

Except, it wasn't so much a list as a page filled with incoherent letters she had just randomly smashed out on her keyboard. 

Feelings were hard. 

"Hollis?"

Laura wasn't sure how long she had been staring at her computer screen, but it was long enough to make her eyes hurt. She blinked quickly and turned to SJ who was already standing, bag over her shoulder. 

"You coming or what?"

Laura shot to her feet, "no."

SJ raised an eyebrow. 

"I mean yes." Laura dropped back down into her chair. Obviously it was more than her list that was a jumbled mess. "I mean, yes." She stood up slowly this time, forcing herself to be less of a spaz. 

"You are weirder than usual today." SJ shook her head before turning towards the door, "and that's saying something because your normal is still pretty weird."

True. And the idea of seeing Carmilla was making it harder for her to just be calm. Would she be happy? Would she be mad? Would they actually talk this time? Or would it be awful and leave her feeling like she got even less closure than the last time they spoke? Would she finally be able to move on? Or would this just pull her back into the whirlwind of emotions she felt anytime she even thought of Carmilla? Which, lets be honest, had been almost all the time since she watched her walk out her grans door. 

She didn't get closure. Maybe that's why even after all this time she was still holding on. Holding on to what, she wasn't sure. But it was obvious she hadn't been able to let go or move on. Even after a month of not seeing or hearing from her. 

This was her chance to finally get that closure. Move on. Let go. 

Right?

—

Was she really doing this? Walking straight into the _giant_ building that was Panthera? Geez, it had to be the biggest building in downtown.

“Are we just going to stand here?” Sj sighed, “Because I’m seriously hungry, and Kirsch is waiting.”

“Sorry, right.” Laura shook her head, trying to shake the nervousness away at the same time. Didn't work. “Do you- do you know who he’s…”

“Introducing me to?” SJ finished Laura’s sentence when it was clear Laura had lost interest in words. “He didn't say. Just that she was one of the higher ups.”

“She?” Laura’s head snapped towards SJ as she followed her through the front door. “She who?”

If she thought the outside of the building was impressive, the inside was down right ridiculous. Large marble pillars spaced throughout the wide entrance. Security stops before you were allowed anywhere near the elevators. A tall secretary desk inside the large glass doors that had to be raised— the women sitting behind it dressed in a mixture of high fashion meets professionalism as they looked down on anyone that approached them.

"Do you have an appointment?" The blonde behind the desk looked down at the pair of girls, clearly unimpressed. 

She was beautiful. And terrifying. And Laura wasn't sure if she didn't like her or really wanted to get the girls approval. Laura looked to SJ, this was her idea after all. 

SJ seemed less bothered, "We are here to see Wilson Kirsch. He's expecting us." 

One raised eyebrow, a sideways glance to the other girl behind the desk, and a quick phone call and the girl pointed towards a cluster of seats to the side. "He'll be right down."

SJ shot her a snarky look, "appreciate it."

Laura tried not to snicker at the cattiness of the whole thing. "I had no idea this company was this big."

"Oh yeah." SJ led Laura to the leather seats and sat down, looking around the large building. "Considering it stretches nationwide and even has subsidiary companies overseas, and this isn't even its main headquarters. You should see the building that's on the east coast. Now that's impressive."

Laura had done some research in the company, but clearly more on Carmilla than on the actual company.

"That's why this change of control is so huge. Not to mention the fact that it's been incredibly private thus far." SJ leaned closer to Laura, "if we break this story it could be huge."

"We?" Laura was stunned. This wasn't exactly the kind of story you'd willingly want to share. 

"You're here, aren't you?" Sj smiled, "besides, you're far too good to be writing back page filler pieces."

"Wow, that.." Laura leaned back with a surprised smile, "that's really cool of you."

"feminism and all that. Us girls got to stick together." SJ nodded towards the elevators where a grinning Kirsch was making his way over. "But don't think for a second my name won't appear first."

Laura stood up and started to follow SJ over, stopping outside the security gate and looking around. Carmilla was no where in sight, but Kirsch had promised SJ an introduction. 

Then she saw her. 

Mattie. 

Laura dropped down into a crouched position, halfway behind SJ and trying her best to use the security gate to block the rest of her. 

SJ looked down confused, "uh, Laura?"

"Just tying my shoe." Laura whispered. She had been nervous enough to see Carmilla, seeing Mattie hadn't even crossed her mind and would no doubt be worse than anything that could happen with Carmilla. 

"You're wearing flats." SJ raised an eyebrow, "you don't have laces."

Laura laughed nervously and looked around SJ. Kirsch had stopped and was talking to Mattie, moving like he was about to come over and doing his best to get Mattie to follow. "I mean I need to go to the bathroom."

Laura didn't even wait for a response, she stood up and bolted back towards the chairs and around the corner. She didn't know where she was going but she honestly didn't care as long as it was away from Mattie. She glanced over her shoulder to make sure she had made her grand escape just as she rounded another pillar and crashed into someone. 

"What the— Laura?"

Laura had been too busy trying not to end up on the ground that she hadn't looked up at who she had crashed into. She didn't have to though. Only one person said her name with such weight, she knew immediately who it was. 

"Hey." Laura breathed out, trying to hide her suddenly rapid breathing trying desperately to match pace with her racing heart. "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

Carmilla's face softened, relief written all over it as her eyes seemed to shine and her lips barely lifted into the slightest hint of a smile. God she missed Laura. 

"I um," Laura licked her lips and looked around nervously. Carmilla had always made her heart flutter, but the look on her face right then made it ten times worse. "I was just here to, to meet um..."

Carmilla hadn't taken her eyes off of Laura. She was just as beautiful as she remembered, even more so. She didn't care why she was there, she was just glad she was. Laura could yell at her for not saying anything in the roof of the warehouse and it would be fine with her.

Laura couldn't even think words let alone speak them. She breathed out a heavy breath, starting to feel even more nervous under Carmilla’s stare, ”what?"

Carmilla’s crooked smile grew and she shook her head. "Hey."

Laura pressed her lips together trying not to smile. She hated how easily Carmilla made her want to, even after everything. She rolled her eyes at herself as she smiled, “hey."

"I don't know where she went Kirsch, she practically crawled away."

Laura's eyes widened, remembering what had brought her here. She stepped forward quickly, pushing Carmilla around the pillar with her to stay out of sigh of SJ and Kirsch.

"Well did she leave?" Kirsch sounded mildly concerned while SJ just sounded annoyed.

Laura kept pushing Carmilla further backwards with small steps, listening closely to where SJ and kirsch seemed to be. 

Carmilla smiled at the almost panicked look on Laura's face, not entirely sure what was making it happen. "Cupcake, is there a reason you don't want to be seen with me?"

"Shhh!" Laura hushed her quietly, looking back to her instead of over her shoulder. 

For a moment Carmilla worried the casual comment was far too familiar for how they had left things, but something in the way Laura looked at her made the worry disappear. 

Carmilla was nearly pressed back against the marble pillar with Laura standing closely, still trying to hide. She wasn't sure why she was hiding from SJ but for some reason she just stood there silently, looking at Carmilla for what felt like the first time in ages. 

Laura's phone buzzed in her pocket, pulling her from her daze and making her realize how closely she was standing to Carmilla in an attempt to 'hide from SJ'. 

Yeah, there were definitely other reasons for the close proximity. 

She stepped back and pulled her phone out, flipping it open to read the new text. 

_SJ: don't know where you went but it was a bust- lady was scary and rude. Be glad you bailed. We are getting tacos if you're still close by? Kirsch is still paying._

Laura looked up at Carmilla who was still watching her with an eyebrow raised. "I was about to get lunch." 

Was she announcing it? Asking Carmilla to join her? Giving an excuse to leave? She had no idea. 

"Hmm." Carmilla hummed quietly, "as was I." She waited a second, trying to gauge how Laura would react to her next comment, "would you like to go together?"

"Yes!" Laura blurted out quickly before catching herself, "I mean, sure. But, maybe, like, as friends?"

Again, was she asking Carmilla or telling her? God she was awkward. 

"Friends?" Carmilla looked slightly disappointed at Laura's need to label it, but it was fair. 

She couldn't expect things to pick up from where they had been. She gave that up the second she left without much of an explanation. And in all honesty, things were still far too complicated to ask anything else of Laura. She still had to deal with her company and worse, her mother. 

Until that had all been sorted, it wouldn't be fair to drag Laura into the middle of it. No matter how much Carmilla missed her. 

"Yeah," Laura shrugged a shoulder, ignoring her own disappointment. No, she didn't want to be Carmilla’s friend, but after everything, she had to protect herself somehow. At least until she understood what had happened before. 

"Sure." Carmilla forced a smile. "friends."

Laura quickly looked back to her phone and typed out a text.  


_Laura: something came up, enjoy tacos without me! See you back at the office :)_

—

It was a short walk down the street to the place they had decided on. Carmilla said they had the best fries in LA. Laura had just smiled, knowing Carmilla didn't even like fries that much. 

The walk over was pretty quiet, neither of them sure how to break the silence or what to even talk about. Neither of them really minded though. Stealing quick glances and hiding shy smiles at just being around each other was enough to focus on without having to talk too. 

The great thing about it? It didn't feel awkward at all. It was actually nice, just being in each other's company again. 

That was Carmilla's first sign that she was probably in trouble. She hadn't seen Laura in over a month and all it took was walking down the street next to her to feel better about everything going on in her life. She had to find a way to keep Laura in it. Even if it meant just being her friend. 

"So uh," Laura sat down and grabbed a plastic menu, pretending to read it, "black cat, huh?" She looked up over the edge of the menu, trying to hide her smile. 

Carmilla was confused for a second before she remembered their last meeting. Halloween. She chuckled and shook her head but didn't bother to answer, other than a small shrug. 

They managed to talk around everything they probably should have talked about. Carmilla's dramatic exit from the road trip, where that left them, how they felt, Carmilla's predicament with her company and mother, the job Laura had accepted... instead, they talked about-

"Perry's working on starting her own thing." Laura was more than halfway through the large plate of fries they had ordered to share. Carmilla hadn't had one yet. "The place she is at now is great but she has so many ideas of her own and she can't really explore them there. She's just working on the funding."

Carmilla just nodded, drinking what was left of her chocolate shake. Laura had already done most of the talking (as per usual), and Carmilla was content to just let her keep going as long as she wanted.

"Lafs great," she grabbed the ketchup and squirted a glob on the plate, "still working with bio-medical-medicinal something or other." Laura chuckled to herself, "honestly when I see them I keep a list of words they say to look up later cause I never know what they are talking about."

"Sounds about right." Carmilla set her cup down on front of her and leaned back in her seat, "and you?"

Laura knew it was only a matter of time before she asked about her. It's not like she had anything thrilling or remotely interesting to hide- and maybe that was the problem. She had missed Carmilla so much, she had been working, but not much else. Once in LA she dove head first into the job search, then doing her best to be noticed by her employer that she hadn't done much socializing besides the occasional drink after work and the Halloween party turned disaster. 

She wasn't embarrassed by it, not really. She hadn't been there long and her job was a major priority. Deep down she was just worried that while she had been missing Carmilla and trying to distract herself, Carmilla hadn't given Laura a second thought. 

"Oh, me?" Laura grabbed her cup and sucked water through the straw nervously before setting it down, "oh you know, been working a lot. Not like, a lot a lot, just the right amount, a lot. Because I have a life. And friends. And do things. But mostly work things. But not always work things. Ya know?" She picked her cup back up and stuck the straw in her mouth. She couldn't ramble and drink at the same time.

It made Carmilla smile how normal things felt so quickly. It's was like she had never left. 

"Sorry," Laura sank in her seat, "I've been rambling. What about you? I heard there's big stuff going on with," Laura paused when carmillas eyes dropped to the table. She tried to dismiss it casually with the wave of her hand, "but we don't have to talk about that. If you don't want to."

Laura wanted to talk about it. She wanted to know what was going on that had taken Carmilla away from her in the first place. Because this, felt right. Being there, with her, and she couldn't imagine why Carmilla would give that up so easily. 

Carmilla must have known even though Laura's words were giving her an out, she didn't completely mean it. "Things are, complicated."

They were, but the choice of words made Laura deflate and Carmilla regretted them. 

"It's just, it's a big company and there's a lot to it and I mean, I'm not exactly the smart business type." Carmilla scoffed. Self deprecating. Not her usual tactic for avoidance. 

"That's not true." Laura leaned forward slightly, "you're really smart, Carm. Like, surprisingly so, and not in a bad way."

Carmilla was a little stunned at Laura's sincerity and wasn't sure what to say. Laura must have noticed. 

"I mean it." Her posture lifted and she got that look on her face like she was about to argue her point to anyone that disagreed with her, "I don't know why you're afraid to let people see that side of you. The amount of stuff you just start spouting information on is astounding. Not to mention having spent actual time in so many departments of this uh, company, you could probably run the whole thing on your own.

"Graduating with a business and marketing degree while still pursuing philosophy on the side," Laura blew out a heavy breath at the idea, "sounds exhausting. But you graduated top of your class, with honors!"

Carmilla narrowed her eyes, looking up at Laura, "how do you know that?"

Oops. "You must have told me." Laura quickly reached for another fry, shoving it in her mouth. 

"I know I didn't." Carmilla grinned, "did you google me?"

Laura nearly choked on the fry in her mouth but that didn't stop her from reaching for another one. As long as her mouth was full, she didn't have to answer.

"If you did then besides my stellar academic profile I'm sure you found what I'm really known for," Carmilla wasn't sure why she wanted to prove Laura wrong, but the idea Laura thought so highly of her was kind of intimidating. "The scandals, gossip articles, trouble with the law."

Laura shook her head, chewing faster now. "That's just you trying to make a point. Besides, I witnessed those things first had, remember? I saw right through them." She slid the empty plate towards the center of the table and wiped her hands on a napkin, "For whatever reason you're trying to hide it, you're more than those things."

It was clear Laura believed what she was saying, and for a moment, Carmilla actually believed it too. 

Laura couldn't help but smile at the way Carmillas face softened. In Laura's eyes she was no longer sharp edges and all mystery like she had been when they first met. Now that she knew her she knew she was gentle, beautiful, and more fragile than she cared to admit. In that moment all Laura wanted to do was lean across the table and kiss the doubt away. But..

"And I can tell you that, as your friend, I mean." Laura cleared her throat, "you're really smart, is what- is what I was saying."

\--

"Then what happened?!" Laf was clutching a pillow against their chest, feet pulled up on the sofa and they listened intently to Laura's story. 

"Then I had to go back to work." Laura shrugged, picking at the corner of her own pillow that was situated in her lap. 

"No." Perry breathed out, "you just left?!"

"I had to!" Laura defended, "SJ had already gone back and no one knew where I was."

"Laura." Laf looked at her in disbelief. "You have got to stop doing this. It's madness."

Laura nodded with a frown, except it slowly started to pull into a mischievous grin, "except, I didn't tell you how I got back to work."

\----

"And then what happened?!" Kirsch was staring at her from the bar stool, practically falling off it from anticipation for the rest of the story.

"I handed her my extra helmet and took her back to work." Carmilla was trying to play it cool, but she was now smiling into her glass as she waited for kirsch's reaction. 

"Bro!" Kirsch leapt to his feet, "that's awesome! She probably totally had to like, hug you right? And sit close, right? And like, that's super cool because you thought you lost her and there she was!” He sighed with a giant grin and sat back down, "what are the chances?"

"Yeah." Carmilla took another swallow of her drink. She had filled kirsch in on the basics of the story; running into her, walking to lunch, how easy it felt after so long, the motorcycle ride across town. What she hadn't mentioned, was the conversation about Carmillas abilities and how Laura's complete confidence in her brought up the question of what she planned to do with the company. 

She had been so sure about giving it to her mother, thinking that was the best way to be rid of her, she hadn't really taken the time to consider any other options. Slowly though, things were happening to show her just that- she had other options. 

Mattie showing her she had more control than Lilita wanted her to know, the fact that she was actually good at the job, and Laura's confidence that Carmilla could do it, if she wanted to. 

It had also occurred to her that she had always been against being a part of the company because it was 'expected' of her. It was just another thing on the list Carmilla rebelled against purely because it was something her mother wanted. And for once, she was starting to question if that was the only reason she had been against it and not because she really didn't want it. Because if that was the case, and she actually did want it, that would change everything. 

\--

Laura sighed knowing she had to get up but really didn't want to, "alright, I should go."

"What?" Laf turned to look at her, "but it's still early!"

"As interesting as microorganisms and their species migration techniques are, I think I better start the ride home." Laura leaned forward slowly, she was still feeling overly full from the meal perry had made them all.

"Are you sure you're good to ride home tonight?" Perry asked in her usual worried tone, "we can give you a lift."

Laura smiled and patted Perry's leg before standing from the couch, "I'm sure. Besides, I need to work off that giant meal sometime."

Laf had the decency to pause the documentary playing on the tv and walk with Laura to the door. They watched her put her jacket on and throw on her backpack. "So what now? With Carmilla I mean?"

"Honestly?" Laura let out a breath as she put her bike helmet on her head, "I have no clue. It was one lunch. I'm afraid to hope for more."

Laf nodded thoughtfully, "at least now you can talk to her whenever you want. If you want."

"Actually..." Laura scrunched up her face, knowing full well what Lafs response would be.

"Seriously frosh?" They rolled their eyes, "I get never needing to get her number while traveling with her but now?"

"I didn't know how to ask for it without being weird." It was true, but a poor excuse. "Maybe its better this way. Leaving it up to the universe. If it's meant to be it'll happen again."

Laura was really hoping it was meant to be. Because as much as she was enjoying LA, one lunch with Carmilla and it outshone anything she had done since getting there. 

Who knows what it all meant. Maybe it was just luck that they ran into each other. Maybe that was supposed to be the closure she never got before. It didn't feel like closure though. If anything if felt like it opened the doors of how she felt even wider. 

Laura left, giving them each a hug before climbing on her bike to pedal home. The sun set slowly as she made her way down the car filled streets. She found out quick that she could get around faster on her bike in most cases with how bad traffic always was. 

As she rode, she pulled off the busy street onto a bike path that weaved through a small park. The thought of Carmilla made her smile- having lunch, seeing her smile, even hearing her laugh. Climbing on her new motorcycle behind her and holding on tightly as they rode back to the cluster of office buildings. She had held on tightly except for one moment while they drove along the coast line. 

The air smelled like salt and the crash of waves was just as loud as the roar of engines. Laura had stretched her hands out to the side and chuckled to herself at the memory of the last time she had done it. 

"Riding a bike with no hands." 

Even if I was on the back of a motorcycle while someone else's drove, Carmilla had claimed it counted. 

As the sky rippled into new shades of purple and orange,  Laura passed beneath a row of palm trees and took a deep breath. 

Slowly she lifted one hand off her handlebars as her feet pedaled faster, out of fear or excitement, maybe both.  After a moment she lifted the other hand, but only for a second. She wobbled and immediately grabbed the handlebars again. 

She heard a voice in her head that sounded suspiciously like Carmilla, "come on cupcake. Where's your sense of adventure?"

One more determined breath, she gripped the handlebars tightly as she leaned back to sit as straight as she could without letting go. Then one hand at a time, her fingers loosened and she lifted her hands, stretching her arms out to her sides. 

"I'm doing it!" She laughed, wobbling slightly she lifted her hands higher instead of gripping the handles. "I'm totally doing it!"

Her smile grew wide, stopping only because she couldn't smile any bigger. She let out a bubbling laugh as she pedaled furiously down the bike path with her hands in the air. A curve made her lunge for her handlebars, grabbing them just in time to twist around the paved path as she just kept laughing to herself. 

It took her a moment to realize that along with laughter, her eyes had actually watered. It only made her laugh harder. Leave it to Laura Hollis to tear up over riding her bike with no hands. 

But she knew it was more than that. It was taking the leap and doing something she was afraid of. It was the little voice coaxing her on. It was Carmilla, still pushing her to go outside her comfort zone even when she wasn't there.

It was the realization that fear doesn't have to stop you. 

Maybe Laura was afraid of getting hurt again, but it didn't have to stop her from trying. Especially when it came to something she really wanted. Something much better than riding a bike with no hands. 

Now she just needed to figure out how she was going to face that fear and get what she wanted; Carmilla. 

\----

If wasn't easy, going after what she wanted. 

She had invited herself to lunch with SJ and kirsch more times than would be socially acceptable over the the next couple weeks, despite SJs stunned looks at her complete dismissal of recognizing boundaries. Not once did she run into Carmilla again. 

She had been put on fluff pieces of high profile weddings and the upcoming thanksgiving parade. It seems SJ was no closer to actually getting the scoop on the Panthers story. Laura would have been surprised if she had gotten anything from Mattie. It took no time at all to see how strategic Mattie was and that she would never give away anything she didn't want to. 

Then as if it was a holiday miracle, a few days before thanksgiving she was sitting at her desk while most everyone else had gone home when SJ came up and sat down on the edge of Laura's desk.

"Any holiday plans Hollis?"

Laura sighed, not even bothering to exit the current page on her computer, 'delicious thanksgiving salads for one'.

"Clearly not." She chuckled and leaned back in her chair. "What about you? Headed to Sacramento to see your family?"

SJ nodded, "yeah, actually. That's why I'm here, to offer you an alternative to tofurkey and kale." She made a face at the current recipe on Laura's screen. "Kirsch has a work party and doesn't want to go alone and since you're practically dating us, I thought you'd like to go since I can't."

Laura cringed and chuckled at the same time. It was kind of true. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Kirsch thinks he's gods greatest gift to women to have us both." SJ shrugged a shoulder with a smile. "It's tomorrow night. I told kirsch to call you."

"You sure?" That was probably a question she should have asked when SJ had said it was fine for her to join them the countless other times they went out. 

"Of course." SJ stood up and winked, "besides, I know you're in this weird three person relationship for me more than kirsch. I'm flattered, but you know I don't swing that way."

Laura laughed and shoved SJ playfully, "whatever."

Beyond the split second of guild Laura felt for maybe intruding on SJ and Kirsch, she also realized this could be her last chance. Running into Carmilla on "accident" clearly wasn't working and she didn't have many other options. 

"Okay sure, I'll go." She tried to act casual. Tried. 

So far the universe had thrust them together in the most unconventional and inconvenient ways possible. Then had left her hanging when she actually wanted to crash into Carmilla. Maybe the universe was finally helping her in a way that didn't involve major auto accidents or uncomfortable moments. Maybe it was possible she would go to this party, have the guts to finally be honest with her, and everything would work out. 

Maybe. 

\----

"I'm confused." Laura lowered her jacket from her shoulders in the large entryway of the building and handed it to Kirsch. "Is this a Thanksgiving or Christmas party?"

"Both." Kirsch smiled as he handed his jacket and Laura's to the girl checking coats then offered his arm to Laura, "They figure if they combine the parties they spend less money and don't have to give employees as many extra holiday days. But I don't mind cause theres turkey, eggnog, _and_ mistletoe."

It was quite the spectacle. They had smashed thanksgiving and Christmas into one giant party. Gourds, pumpkins, autumn colors mixed with poinsettias, Christmas trees, lights and snowflakes.  Somehow, it all worked and looked incredible.

Laura scoffed, accepting a glass of champagne from a waiter making his rounds through the room, "You'd think a company as rich as this wouldn't care about two parties and what it cost."

"Why do you think we are so rich?"

Laura spun around, recognizing the voice immediately. Carmilla. She brought her free hand up to wipe her lips, sure she had nearly spat out her drink at just the sound of Carmilla's voice. 

"Boss lady Carm!" Kirsch nearly bounced with excitement. He had tried to introduce Laura and Carmilla before and it hadn't worked, and since he hadn't heard any more about the mystery girl Carmilla had reconnected with weeks ago, he thought maybe this time they had a chance at hitting it off. "This is Laura!" He nudged Carmilla and spoke out of the corner of his mouth like it was a secret, "the one I told you about."

Carmilla smirked at both his excitement and cluelessness and Laura's look of nervousness. 

Laura wasn't sure what Kirsch meant but he was about as good at whispering as she was, "kirsch, we've actually-"

"It's nice to meet you, _Laura_." Carmilla cut her off smoothly, taking her hand and bringing her knuckles up to her lips. 

"I, but- you, too?" 

Carmillas smirk only widened at the growing mixture of nervous and confused on Laura's face. "Kirsch." Carmilla moved her attention to the tall man looking between them, "I hid some beer under one of the tables for you."

Kirsch lit up even more, if possible, "thanks boss!" He turned to Laura, "I'll be back!"

Laura nodded, still trying to decide how to handle seeing Carmilla. That was the whole reason she had wanted to come, but she hadn't thought about what to do if it actually happened. 

Carmilla watched Kirsch scurry away in search of his beer then turned I Laura, "didn't think I'd be seeing you tonight." She brought a glass to her lips and sipped slowly. 

"What are you doing?" Laura whispered- well, as much as Laura can whisper. 

Carmilla shrugged a shoulder, "making conversation?"

"Not that," Laura looked around, "the other thing."

"What do you mean?"

"Pretending you don't know me?"

Carmillas cool demeanor shifted, "I uh- panicked." She panicked. The girl that's usually unaffected, blasé and disinterested, panicked the instant the 5'4" woman in front of her even looked her way. "Didn't think you'd want everyone else to know you knew the boss."

"You aren't my boss." Didn't Carmilla know that?

"What?" She seemed more serious than normal, and Carmilla wasn't sure Laura was actually happy to see her.

"I don't work here. I'm someones plus one."

"Oh."

Was that disappointment? Did she think-- "Not- not like that."

Carmilla paused a second, finally realizing whatever was happening was brought on by nervousness between both of them. 

"You mean you aren't madly in love with Kirsch?" 

Carmilla smiled and instantly whatever nervous or unsure tension that had been sitting between them vanished. Laura chuckled and shook her head, smiling at how easily Carmilla could both make her heart flutter uncontrollably and calm it down. 

\--

It honestly felt like no time had passed at all.  It also felt like they were the only two people there. That had to mean something, didn't it?

Laura ate another creampuff from the plate of desserts they had been sharing then turned to look out across the room. "Kirsch has been gone a while, how well did you hide those drinks?"

Carmilla laughed as she raised her hand at a waiter walking around, beckoning him over with his tray of champagne. "I didn't actually hide any."

"What?!" Laura spun around to look at her, "so he's looking for something he can't find."

Carmilla nodded with a smirk. 

"You're unbelievable."

"You should be flattered." Carmilla stepped closer to Laura in the corner of the room they had managed to hide away alone in for the last 20 minutes. 

"Flattered?" Laura tried to play it cool, the last 20 minutes felt like they were both testing the waters, trying to figure out where the other stood and what exactly they were to each other. 

Friends, exes, almosts...

This was the first time it felt like any kind of move forward was being made and Laura felt her mouth go dry immediately. She had claimed she wanted to be Carmillas friend when they had gotten lunch, but that was the furthest thing from the truth. She had just been afraid before. But the whole point of being there that night was to go after what she wanted, despite any feelings of fear. 

Ride the bike with no hands. 

"I had do get you alone somehow."

"Get me alone?" Laura's voice cracked and her cheeks felt like they were on fire. 

Carmilla bit her bottom lip and nodded slowly, taking Laura's hand and pulling her away from the wall and towards a doorway. The room had been crowded and full of people glancing their way, Carmilla had been serious about thinking Laura didn't want to be seen with the boss. Because people were looking, and it was hard to say what they would think. 

She pulled Laura through the doorway that led out of the main ballroom and into a hallway. Waitstaff was using it to grab refilled trays of champagne and food, dodging the girls as they moved through quickly. 

Laura giggled, trying not to collide with a man carrying a full tray, "Carm, where are we going?"

One more tug and Carmilla had pulled her into a dimly lit hallway. It wasn't far from the ballroom, voices carried through the empty corridor as well as clanking of glasses, sounds of heels on the hard wood floor and music echoing off the vaulted ceilings. 

Laura smiled at the familiarity of it. Throughout their road trip they had to find hidden corners of mostly abandoned places to steal any time alone together.

Laura found herself stepping backwards slowly until her back was pressed against the wall. Carmilla moving forward slowly, her eyes clearly watching Laura's lips, then they were closing as she leaned in. 

Carmilla was inches away from kissing her. Her heart was beating out of her chest and she was suddenly so nervous she felt her hands shaking as her palms pressed into the wall behind her in an effort to keep her on her feet. 

"I rode my bike with no hands."

Carmilla stalled, her eyebrows pushed together before her eyes opened to look at Laura's face. She didn't move, or speak, she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. Had she read this all wrong?

Laura swallowed heavily, "on my way home from work. I rode with no hands."

"That's.. great." Carmilla stepped back, no longer leaning into Laura's space. 

"No." Laura shook her head and reached out to grab Carmilla's forearms, keeping her from moving any further away, "its a good thing. It's why I'm here."

Carmilla still didn't understand. 

Laura pulled in a breath, this wasn't coming out right, but she wasn't sure how to fix it. 

She wanted to say I love you, like a thunder storm. Booming, a crackle that shook you down to your bones, a vibration that reverberated through your chest and both scared and excited you. She wanted to tell Carmilla she was the storm that washed away the debris of everything that had been holding her back, instead of being a hurricane that could have destroyed her. 

For once in her life she had no words to say but her heart was screaming. 

Carmilla was watching her with a soft expression, concerned and caring and it was too much for Laura. Maybe there were no more words to say. Maybe words weren't enough. So she pulled her forward, one hand sliding up to clasp around the back of her neck as she brought their lips together in a kiss. 

\----

The sounds in the distance were muffled into near silence as heavy breathing filled the space around them. Hands pressed against bodies, seeking support from the wall, gripping tightly to edges of clothing. 

It was the dam finally breaking, overflowing with a force that felt uncontrollable. Feelings they had shared weeks ago hadn't diminished but only grown until in this moment they could finally express them in wanting kisses and needy hands. Bodies pressed together as they ignored the world around them. 

Carmilla was the first to pull away, needing a breath, "god I missed you."

Laura panted as Carmilla's lips connected with her jaw, below her ear, down her neck, onto her collarbone. 

"I thought when I didn't hear from you, that you wanted nothing to do with me." Carmilla took a second to look at Laura before leaning back in, pressing their lips together. 

"I didn't know--" _kiss_ "you just left-" _kiss_ "I didn't think you wanted to hear-" _kiss_ "from me."

Carmilla pulled back quickly, eyes searching Laura's face. Laura took it as a chance to try to catch her breath but when she opened her eyes and saw carmilla’s face, she knew it was more than just a breathing break. something had happened. 

"What?" Her hand reached up, her thumb brushing against carmilla’s cheek gently. 

Carmilla shook her head slightly, "you didn't read it."

It was Laura's turn to be confused. "Read what?”

In that moment Carmilla was both disappointed and relieved. If Laura hadn't read it, she wouldn't how Carmilla felt- Disappointed. It would also be a good reason why Carmilla hadn't heard from her since they parted ways- Relieved. 

"Before I left, at grans," Carmilla suddenly felt shy about it. Laura was supposed to find it, Carmilla wasn't actually supposed to have to tell her about it. 

"There you are."

Carmilla went from shy to frozen in less than a second. Her grip on Laura was still gentle, but Laura felt it go stiff. Looking over carmillas shoulder she saw the same face that had pulled them apart the last time they were really together. 

Laura watched Carmilla steel her expression and turn to face her, essentially putting herself between Laura and... "Mother."

Lilita smiled wickedly, like she knew exactly what she was interrupting and was glad for it, "darling, it's rude to ignore your guests." She shifted her weight and pretended to examine her outfit as she smoothed out the expensive material, "employees or not, it's important to be a good host."

"Don't you mean _your_ guests?" Carmilla responded flatly, clearly having gotten better at hiding the unsettled feeling she felt when dealing with her mother. 

Lilita's smile shifted slightly, clearly pleased at the idea. "Not quite yet."

Laura suddenly understood. Carmilla wasn't the new owner of the company, it was her mother. She was handing over her company to the woman hell bent on interfering with Carmillas life in any way possible. 

"Carm, you can't-"

"Can't?" Lilitas smile was gone. Whether by interruption or an opinion she didn't care for, she wasn't about to let Laura finish. "Who do you think you are to offer your opinion in matters that don't concern you?"

Carmillas posture lifted, "Don't you speak to her--"

"To who?" Lilita scoffed, "the vapid little reporter using you for a story in her second rate news outlet, that she has yet to get a story in?" She waved her hand dismissively, "besides the occasional dreary wedding announcement. She's using you, my dear."

Even from behind, Laura could tell Carmilla's face dropped slightly. Reaching forward she gave Carmilla's hand a gently tug and whispered, "that's not true."

It wasn't. Not entirely. And the fact that it wasn't completely untrue made her stomach clench. There _was_ a story, and Laura _was_ supposed to be helping with it. But the story was the excuse to see Carmilla, not the other way around. 

"Not true?" 

It was amazing how one grin and two words from Lilita made Laura feel like she had lost a game with her life on the line. 

"Then why have you been trying to orchestrate a meeting with Matska on multiple occasions over the last few weeks?" If this was chess: check. 

"I have connections, Miss Hollis. Ones wise enough to inform me when a story concerning me is being sought out. Especially when assigned by a certain editor that's had it out for me for years." Here it was, "I assume you know her, since she is in fact your editor.

Check mate. 

Carmilla turned to look at Laura, worried her mother was right. 

"Don't listen, it's not-" Laura could already feel her stumbling over her words, "it's not how it sounds."

It felt pointless to plead with her at this point. Whatever she said it was clear Carmillas mother would have something to say to counter it, some way to twist the truth to make it sound awful. 

Carmilla did her best not to look hurt, "it's ok." She nodded, "you should go."

She had dealt with her mother long enough to know this was a game to her. A game she was very good at, and the longer Laura stayed, the more she would twist things until it was a confused mess. The last thing Carmilla wanted was for Laura to leave, but she knew she had to. 

Worry was written all over Laura's face, but what other choice did she have? Reluctantly she walked back towards the doorway, never taking her eyes off Carmilla until she rounded the corner and was out of view. Her feet felt heavy, her heart felt heavier. 

Thoughts racing through her head, Laura leaned back against the wall, hidden just around the corner from the two women she had just left. What now? She didn't have time to come up with an answer before she heard the conversation continue without her. 

"What? Did you think her feelings for you were real?" Lilita had a laugh that seeped through your body like poison. Unsettling and terrifying. "Hardly."

It was possible Laura's presence had helped carmillas resolve because her eyes dropped to the floor immediately. Feeling less confident about standing up to her mother than she had been only a moment before. 

"What do you possibly have to offer her? You're an immature child, too hardened by your own foolish mistakes and far too selfish to offer anyone anything but trouble and regret."

Carmillas jaw clenched but her gaze stayed cast downward. Who was she to talk about being selfish? Immature?  She had destroyed a family over power. Greed. Twisted something Carmilla could have grown up loving into a place she dreaded, simply because of the way her mother tried to control it. Maybe Lilita was right. Maybe Carmilla didn't have anything to offer Laura. But Laura hadn't cared about that when all she knew was carmillas first name. Even still, Carmilla was different now. She wasn't the scared little girl running from responsibility just to escape her mother. At least, she didn't have to be. 

Carmilla clenched her fists tightly at her sides and looked up, meeting her mothers eyes with her own. She didn't say anything yet, but the slight twitch of Lolita's face told her she didn't have to. 

Lilita shifted her weight uncomfortably, "Now run along, choose some other harlot to spend your time with under the mistletoe." She gestured carelessly to the decorations lining the doorway,  "Someone less concerned about getting a story and more interested in her five minutes with a Karnstein. You know, your usual type. They are easier to get rid of.”

“You’ve made your point.” Carmilla spoke quietly but full of surety. “Thats enough.”

That was the last straw. Lilita could insult Carmilla as much as she wanted, Carmilla was used to it. But not Laura. Laura was more than what her mother was reducing her to and Carmilla would not let that go unchecked. 

“Enough?” Lilita chuckled but it came out more nervous than she probably wanted, “Am I supposed to be intimidated? By _you_?”

Carmilla smiled, not forced or faked but confident. She didn't have to be afraid of her mother. Not anymore. 

She walked to the doorway, her fingers ruffling the garland that lined the doorframe, her eyes lifting to the mistletoe hanging in the center above her. "Do you know why people kiss under the mistletoe, mother?”

Lilita turned slowly, her expression cautious as she tried to hold her superior attitude. She pressed her lips together but didn’t speak. Carmilla took that as her opportunity to continue.

“It’s from a Norse myth.”

Laura was still just around the corner, out of sight but still within earshot. She had ached at how lilita had spoken to Carmilla, but something in Carmilla’s voice was different now. She no longer sounded like she was waiting for a move to be made against her. It sounded like she was the one making a move.

Carmilla felt her entire posture change. Her shoulders relaxed but stayed square, her head lifted along with her gaze to look her mother in the eye. she had always felt like she was on the edge of something, ready to leap or dodge some kind of attack from her mother. Verbal, emotional, mental, whatever it was in the moment. But now? Her feet felt sure as she held her ground and spoke to her mother calmly.

“Balder, son of Odin, was the most beloved by the other gods. They loved him so much that they wanted to protect him from all the dangers in the world." Carmilla paused, watching her mother narrow her eyes, but continued before she had the chance to say anything, "His mother, Frigg took an oath from fire, water, metal, stone, and every living thing that they would never hurt Balder.

"At a gathering, they tested him.

Stones, arrows and fire were all hurled at him, nothing could hurt him. But there was one god who wasn’t so enamored of Balder, the god of mischief, Loki. He discovered that Frigg had forgotten to ask mistletoe, a tiny, seemingly harmless plant, to take the oath and had completely overlooked it. Loki fashioned a dart out of mistletoe, and it killed Balder.

"Frigg was heartbroken. She decreed that mistletoe would never again be used as a weapon, and that she would place a kiss on anyone that passed under it. So now we hang it under our doorways in the holidays." Carmilla gave the piece of decoration one last glance before looking back to her mother, waiting for a response. 

Lilita would have looked relieved that was the end of the story if she hadn't been forcing her expression to hold steady the whole time. "Charming. Was there a point?"

There it was. Carmilla’s chance for her very own version of check mate. 

"Don't you see? It's there, in every doorway, so it will never be overlooked again." She turned her back to her mother, ready to leave, "because sometimes the thing you overlook, or underestimate, ends up being the very thing that causes your undoing."

It should have made her nervous, threatening the woman who had played and won the game more times than she could count. She was used to the feeling of drowning— being pushed beneath the surface and feeling crushed by the suffocating presence of her mother.

She had spent countless nights letting herself sink to the bottom of the pool, learning how to control the stifling feeling and crushing tightness she felt in her chest just so she could deal with her mother. But as she walked out of the dim hallway and back into the ballroom full of people it finally dawned on her. You don’t drown by simply falling in the water. You drown by staying under it.

Carmilla was done drowning.

——

She wasn't sure what she was looking for but she knew she had to find it. She slammed open her bedroom door and looked around the room like something would jog her memory or suddenly make sense. Nothing did. 

Maybe it was an email? You read emails, right?

She nearly hurled her laptop across the room when she tried to toss it on her bed. Nothing. She even scanned through her junk mail, which had way too many offers for 'sexy singles' in her area.

She was pretty sure Carmilla didn't know where she lived, so it couldn't be actual mail that she somehow overlooked. It wouldn't be a text- they still had never exchanged phone numbers.

With a heavy sigh Laura sat down on the edge of her bed, feeling more disappointed than ever. 

Everything about how they met and kept being thrown together had felt like fate. Now, it felt like everything was working to keep them apart while teasing them in the process. Why run into her at the Halloween party, The impromptu lunch with SJ, The thanksgiving party, if it wasn't somehow meant to be?

The train of thought felt familiar, because she had written almost the exact thing early on in her journal while on the road trip. 

Her journal. 

She had never moved as quickly as she did right then, pulling the box of books she still hadn't unpacked out of her closet and dumping them out. She pushed aside book after book until she found the one she was looking for. It was a plain looking journal, not even half filled with entries. She hadn't bothered opening since the night Carmilla had left grans, and now, she wished she had.

She flipped it open, starting at the front, until she landed on the last page written on. It wasn't her own handwriting, though. It was Carmilla’s careful script; 

 

_Day 10_

 

_I tried, and I didn’t even last 10 days._

_I tried not to fall in love with you. Not because I didn't think you were wonderful or beautiful or capable of being the greatest part of my life.  But because I knew you would be the single greatest thing to ever happen to me. And its terrifying._

_Because if I had you then lost you. I’m not sure I would survive._

 

Laura read it over, and over.. and over again. This changed everything.

Carmilla hadn't left without saying anything like Laura thought. Most of the confusion and questions could have been lessened if she had only opened up her journal. Now she knew, but what was she supposed to do now? And would it even matter now that Carmilla thought she was just a story?

 


	16. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk.. the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took a while to get here.. it was hard writing a chapter knowing it was the last. But, hopefully you guys still enjoy it :)  
> Thanks for all the amazing comments and messages, you guys have no idea how awesome it is to get them and know people are enjoying my writing. its been incredible :)

"Something is different about you." Mattie shifted in her chair across from Carmilla and examined her. "What is it?"

Carmilla didn't look away from her computer screen, she hadn't even attempted to look bored or disinterested as she looked over legal forms and her inheritance stipulations.

"It's the girl." Mattie sighed at her own revelation. 

That made Carmilla glance up. "I didn't even say anything."

"You didn't have to." Mattie chuckled, "when it comes to you, I'm fluent in silence."

Carmilla only grinned before looking back to her computer. 

"But it's something else, too. Because the girl doesn't explain why you were here before me this morning. Or why you have been looking at that computer so intently." Mattie stood up and walked around to stand behind Carmilla so she could see the screen, "are you going to tell me what this is all about or are you going to make me guess?"

"You're smart, it won't take many guesses."

Carmilla wasn't wrong. Mattie scanned the screen and the note pad Carmilla had scribbled notes on, along with the pile of documents that had been drafted to complete the process of handing the company over to Lilita. 

"You're not going through with it." Mattie was shocked, and it was clear in her voice. "You're actually going to take on your mother."

Carmilla looked up with a look that told Mattie that's exactly what she was going to do. 

"Well I'll be." Mattie stood up, a sly grin on her face, "what changed?"

"Something someone said." Carmilla shrugged. She really didn't want to get into details and have Mattie scoff at the fact that it was Laura, believing in her, that made her see she could actually do it.

Mattie saw right through it. "So what? Doing this to impress the girl? Then what?"

"It's not like that." It wasnt so much her doing it to get Laura, but doing it because of Laura. 

She had money before, things, properties, and she knew Laura didn't care about any of it. Laura cared about the kind of person Carmilla was, the things she did more than the things she had.

"Then what is it like?" Mattie was genuinely curious. If all it took was encouragement from some girl, she wanted to know what it was all about. 

"Look." Carmilla sighed, pulling her attention away from her computer, "what does it matter? Isn't this what you wanted? Me to take this seriously, not just hand it all over?"

She had a point. Why argue when Carmilla was finally stepping up to the plate? Mattie's stern expression softened into a grin, "how can I help?"

\----

"It's been weeks and you're no closer to getting the story?" Cochran tossed a folder onto the table and dropped her hand on her hip.   

SJ had tried just about everything. Panthera was determined to keep whatever was happening as private as they could for as long as they could. "I'm doing everything-"

"Apparently not or we would have a story by now." Cochran was angry, everyone in the room could tell, "I thought you had an inside source?"

"I do but-"

"No buts." She pulled out her chair and sat down at the head of the table, "get the story."

SJ sank further down into her chair, glad they had moved on and all eyes were no longer on her. She turned to Laura slowly, "This is bad."

Laura tried to smile reassuringly, it was pathetic. "It'll be ok."

"No, Hollis." SJ whispered, "I need to get that story."

Laura sighed knowing SJ was right. If someone else got the story before her, who knew what Cochran would do. She did have information that could help SJ get started but sharing it would probably be the exact betrayal she was trying to figure out how to prove to Carmilla wasn't real. 

Maybe if she tried on SJs behalf instead of her own, it wouldn't be as bad?

"I may have a way to help." Laura nodded then turned back to the meeting happening. She couldn't think about it too much or she may regret offering to help SJ even though she really wanted to.

—

"I didn't know you knew so many reporters personally."  Kirsch was going through all the tiny slips of paper he had written over the last week. "Some of these people didn't even speak English."

"They aren't actually calling for me." Carmilla rolled her eyes and grabbed her jacket off the back of her chair.

"They can't all be lying." Kirsch frowned. He had gotten pretty good at taking phone messages when people called for Carmilla, mostly because she refused to actually talk to anyone that called. "See!" Kirsch lifted a slip of paper, turning it towards her, 'Laura' scribbled messily with Kirsches attempt of a heart drawn around it. 

Carmilla clenched her jaw. Laura had called, but was it for her or the story like Carmilla's mother warned her?

"Real professional." She brushed off the heart around the name and pulled her jacket on.

"I thought you liked her?" He side stepped to block her way out of the door.

Carmilla scoffed, "liked her?" She shook her head 'no'. She was pretty sure she loved Laura, even after everything. But Kirsch didn't need to know that. 

He looked back to his handful of papers, seeing SJ's name just as many times as Laura's and frowned. "So I shouldn't call any of them back?"

Carmilla didn't bother giving him an answer. They had been doing this long enough now that she knew Kirsch was smart enough to figure out what her answer would be. She zipped up her jacket and nodded to the door. “Can you move, Groot?” 

He ignored her, ”I thought miss Mattie said you needed to make an announcement?"

Carmilla smirked, Mattie had glared enough times that Kirsch had actually stopped calling her some form of 'hottie' when referring to her, and she found it to be even more entertaining than before. 

"I will." She waved her hand towards the door this time, "just not yet."

She would, but as soon as she did, her mother no doubt would be furious and do everything possible to change Carmilla’s mind. It wouldn't work, Carmilla was pretty set on her decision, but it was a lot easier to defy her mother when her mother had no idea it was happening and was also on the other side of the country. 

“And why not?”

Kirsch nearly leapt across the room at the voice that came from behind him. Carmilla was less bothered by it, only letting out a sigh.

“Mattie.” Carmilla glared at Kirsch who was finally no longer in her way, “I was just leaving. Can we talk later?”

“I believe Wilson here, was leaving,” Mattie glanced towards him then back to Carmilla, “You, however, were just about to take a seat.”

Kirsch's gave Carmilla an apologetic look before slinking out of the doorway. Only Mattie could make him look like a small child, and all it took to do that was a pointed look.

Carmilla walked back to her desk and sat against the edge, “Do we really have to—“

“Why are you stalling?” Mattie’s voice was serious. Different than her usual tone of annoyance she used with Carmilla.

“I’m not.” 

“Oh please.” Mattie actually rolled her eyes. 

“I’m not.” Carmilla spat back defensively.

Mattie only looked at her like she had just proven her point for her.

“Just avoiding mother as long as possible.” Her answer sounded lame once she said it out loud.

“Try again.”

Carmilla was confused by the response. “What?”

Mattie walked to the couch sitting against the office wall and sat down, “You have no problem pissing off your mother.” she reached down and pulled off one of her heels, followed by the other. “And we both know you have plenty of options when it comes to interviewers. So whats the real reason you don’t want to make the announcement or do an interview? This is still what you want, I assume.”

“It is,” Carmilla pushed herself off her desk and walked towards Mattie. “what I still want.”

Mattie shifted over, giving Carmilla space to sit down before giving her an expectant look, waiting for more of an explanation. Carmilla just rolled her eyes and took her coat off, dropping it next to Mattie’s shoes as she dropped onto the couch, keeping her eyes down towards her lap.

Mattie already knew the answer, and it was clear Carmilla wasn't going to say it. “What is it about that girl that managed to crack through your walls and make you act like this?”

Carmilla scoffed, not looking up. The whole idea of it sounded comical. Her walls. The walls she had build up so expertly, it took Mattie years to figure her out and break through them even a little bit. And Laura? It took her no time at all.

“My walls?” Carmilla sank back into the couch, “they didn't just crack. They fucking crumbled. And not because she forced it, or pushed, or made it happen. But because I let them. I wanted to let her in. For whatever reason I tore the walls down myself because I was terrified she wouldn't see through them. And now i’m terrified she has and doesn't like what she sees.”

Mattie sighed, finally understanding that this time it actually was different. _Carmilla_ was different. "This is not what I expected when you decided to disappear for a while."

" _I_ never expected it." Without realizing it, Carmilla smiled and let out a wistful sigh, "I never expected _her_. Haven't you ever had someone sneak up on you and suddenly you don’t know you ever lived without them?"

Mattie pressed her lips together, usually a sign of complete dismissal of what's she's been told, but this time it lacked its usual repudiation. "Well, then it sounds To me you need to do something about it." When Carmilla looked at her questioningly, she rolled her eyes, "honestly for someone so clever you can be quite dense sometimes. See her. Get the girl. Whatever sisterly advice I'm supposed to offer in this situation."

Carmilla chuckled at Matties attempt at pretending not to actually care, "You don't even like her."

"Details," Mattie waved her hand dismissively, "the fact is you do. And although you frustrate me to no end, I would like to see you happy. And if this girl is it, I suppose I can deal with it. No matter how inconvenient for me it may be."

She knew Mattie was right, but when it came down to it, Carmilla was terrified. Because what if Laura didn't feel the same, or worse, what if her mother had been right all along and Laura never liked Carmilla at all?

She looked at Mattie, not bothering to hide the worry, "what do I do?"

——

Laura took another deep breath, blowing it out loudly and slowly as she clutched the notebook sitting in her lap. Her knee was bouncing rapidly and she wasn't sure if it was from the 3 cups of hot chocolate from that morning or nerves. She had shifted in her chair an impressive amount of times for the short time she had been sitting there and it was almost too much even for her, so when SJ sighed in annoyance, she totally understood.

“Seriously, whats wrong with you?” SJ grabbed Laura’s knee and forced it to stop bouncing. She didn't let go, sure it would only start again if she did.

“Aren’t you  nervous? This is a big deal.” Laura stared straight ahead, she hadn't blinked in over a minute, her eyes fixed on a spot on the wall.

“Yeah its a big deal, but an awesome one.” SJ gave Laura’s leg a squeeze, making her look over, “but not big enough for you to breathe like you’re giving birth. Get it together Hollis.”

Laura chuckled and felt herself relax. SJ was right, it would be okay.

That lasted about 2 seconds.

“Ladies.” 

The smooth voice pulled both girls attention immediately. The greeting was followed by a thoughtful stare as Mattie looked them both over. SJ was the first to stand, clearly more confident than Laura, offering her hand to Mattie immediately.

Mattie looked at it, the corner of her mouth lifted slightly, then she simply turned to Laura, ignoring SJ’s presence completely. “You brought a friend.”

“Uh, yeah.” Laura stammered, trying to poise herself, “We are, that is, working on an article together. As a team. The two of us. Together.”

Mattie smiled her usual amused smile and tilted her head, “Cute.” She looked them both over again quickly then turned and began walking away, “this way.”

SJ looked over at Laura and made a mocking face at how rude Mattie seemed, which made Laura smile. SJ had no idea. As they followed her down a long hallway, Laura scurried to get right behind Mattie.

“I have to admit I'm surprised you called me. I didn't think you liked me.” Laura was being completely honest. After her phone calls went unreturned, she thought there was no chance this would be happening. And when the return call came from Mattie, who Laura knew worked for Lilita, she was even more surprised than had the call come from Carmilla.

“I don’t like you.” Mattie didn't bother slowing down, completely aware that her stride was much larger than Laura’s. “And if it were up to me this particular interview wouldn't even be happening.”

"Oh," Laura was almost out of breath from trying to keep up, “then why am I here?"

Mattie stopped abruptly, causing Laura to nearly crash into her. She turned slowly to face both girls that had been following her, "Isn't it obvious, darling?"

Laura looked to SJ who just shrugged, then back to Mattie. It wasn't obvious, like, at all. Clearly Carmilla didn't want to speak to her and it made absolutely no sense for Lilita to not only agree to, but ask for an interview from Laura.

Mattie just grinned, "Carmilla."

"What?" Suddenly the idea of interviewing Carmilla was even more terrifying than interviewing Lilita. "But why would she.."

Mattie reached out and took hold of a door handle but continued to look at Laura like she was trying to decide something. In that moment Laura saw Matties face soften and it was clear how much she cared for Carmilla.

Mattie twisted the handle then paused, looking at Laura, "That girl would move the moon just to see her favorite star." 

——

 Is there a word to describe awkward, but on a truly painful level? Because that's what this was. 

Carmilla was already standing when Mattie led Laura into the room. She had a nervous smile on her face, until SJ walked through the doorway, then she looked slightly panicked and completely confused. 

"You?" It wasn't meant to be spoken out loud, but Laura was expecting Lilita, not Carmilla. She cleared her throat and attempted to cover up the slip, "We are interviewing you?"

"We?" Carmilla looked between SJ and Laura, clearly having only been expecting one of them. 

SJ had been silent to this point and although it was clear there was more going on than just a routine interview, she had no idea what that was. 

"Hi." She reached a hand forward, "I'm Sara Jane. It's great to meet you, and thanks so much for agreeing to do this."

Carmilla went through the motions of shaking SJs hand but hadn't looked away from Laura.

Laura tried to smile, "we uh, joint piece. Together. Team." oh god, could this be any worse?

Mattie looked around before chuckling quietly as she walked back out the door, commenting under her breath, "good luck to you all." 

Carmilla nodded, this was definitely not what she had planned, but it didn't mean it wouldn't still be ok. Laura was here, even if she had brought someone with her, that was the first step to making things right. 

"Alright." Carmilla composed herself, pushing aside any nerves or awkwardness. This was business. "Shall we?"

SJ smiled and sat down, Carmilla waited until Laura lowered herself in the other chair before sitting back in her spot behind her desk. 

Laura couldn't believe this was happening. She had finally wrapped her mind around the fact that she was there to see Carmilla, not Lilita, which was a relief after all. But now, she was supposed to interview her? The girl that spent an entire week evading the simplest of questions and answering any query with sarcasm or snark? Sure. Like that was going to happen. 

"So let's dive right in," SJ glanced down at her notebook with her list of questions, "care to put to rest to the rumors of new ownership and what that means for the company?"

Laura scoffed quietly, looking down at her own notebook. Starting big? SJ should have asked Carmilla for her deepest, darkest, secret. She'd probably get the same kind of answer. None. 

"As you probably know, the company was created by my father. When he passed away, it was put under control of a group of people, essentially a board of directors, until the stipulations in his will could be carried out."

Laura's head snapped up. Was Carmilla seriously answering the question without being forced??

"There was discussion over whether or not I was fit to take over as he had instructed, but ultimately the decision was mine." Carmilla looked to Laura, not missing the surprise on her face, "after a lot of thought, I felt that taking over as my father intended was in fact, what is best for the company."

SJ was nodding and taking notes, completely unaware of the look of shock on Laura's face. "And what about the minutes leaked from previous meeting insinuating massive layoffs at subsidiaries across the country and even on other continents?"

Laura looked from SJ to Carmilla, slack jawed and waiting for a sarcastic response. She didn't get one. 

"That meeting as well as that suggestion was carried out by someone that lacked the authority to follow through with the threat." Carmilla leaned back, her hands resting in her lap, "soon, that person will no longer hold a place at the company. As for the information you were given, consider it false. I have no intention of taking jobs away from hard working employees that have earned their place in whatever area of Panthera they may be in."

Holy Hufflepuff. This interview was actually happening. Not only that, but Carmilla was giving them amazing answers and information to go off of. As SJ continued to fire off questions, Laura just sat there, amazed.  It didn't take long before all she could think about was how well Carmilla held herself and how intelligent her answers were. Laura knew she was smart and capable, but seeing it in action was incredible. 

“What would you say to those doubting your abilities?” SJ had kept things about the business mostly up to this point, but there was no way she was going to miss the chance to ask more questions geared towards Carmilla personally. “It’s no secret you've had more than your fair share of scandals; be it encounters with the law, gossip column relationship ordeals—“

“SJ!” Laura was wide eyed as she turned to look at her. Sure, if it were anyone but Carmilla, Laura probably would have asked the same question, but this _was_ Carmilla.

“What?” SJ didn't even pretend to be apologetic, “It's a valid question.”

Laura shook her head, about to interject with all the reasons why it _wasn't_ a valid question, when Carmilla spoke instead. 

“No. It's ok.” Carmilla wasn't even phased. “An easy answer my lawyers would love for me to give you would be to say I've learned from my past and have grown. But really, there are some moments you're referring to that I wouldn't change. Some of my most reckless decisions led to the greatest parts of my life.”

This was getting dangerously close to information that would probably hurt Carmilla more than help her, “Carm—“

Carmilla didn't even acknowledge Laura’s worried interruption, “I believe that the same attributes that may have gotten me into trouble in the past may be exactly why I'm the best person for this job. I can be impulsive, unforthcoming, sometimes impetuous, but I’m fiercely loyal and have a strong conviction. I'm not easily swayed by trivial things when I've made up my mind.” She paused to look at Laura, more softness in her expression than had been there the whole time, “I’ve recently learned the importance of goodness and kindness, and how far it can go and intend to bring that into how i run this business. So, yes. I understand the concerns, but sometimes things perceived as weaknesses by others can be your greatest strengths.”

Both Laura and SJ were quiet, impressed by Carmilla and the composure she had kept throughout the interview, even when directly criticized. This whole thing had been a surprise, especially for Laura. This was an interview of a lifetime career wise, and it felt like Carmilla was somehow making it a personal gesture at the same time. For however complicated things might have been, it was crystal clear why Laura had fallen for her in the first place.

"Laura?"

She blinked quickly, "Hmmm?"

"Did you have any questions?" SJ’s eyebrows pushed together as she looked at her friend who had been mostly silent the entire time. 

"Me? No. No questions." she shook her head like the idea was preposterous. 

"No?" Carmilla’s voice was quiet, hopeful and disappointed all at once. 

Laura forced a smile, switching into full reporter mode, "I think we got everything we need. Don't you?" She nodded at SJ and stood up, reaching her hand forward like she was offering a hand shake.

Carmilla looked at Laura's hand for a second, surprised by her behavior and began to stand and offer her own hand. That was the moment Laura decided to pull back, pulling her notebook against her chest and hugging it tightly. SJ followed suit, gathering her things at the unexpectedly abrupt attempt to exit. 

"Thanks again." SJ half mumbled as she hurried to follow Laura out of the large office. 

Carmilla’s shoulders slumped immediately. That could not have gone worse. Laura barely spoke and it seemed like she couldn't wait to get out of there. Carmilla thinking the interview would be a nice gesture was obviously completely wrong. She dropped into her chair, feeling defeated, as the view of Laura disappeared through the slowly closing office door.

Laura speed walked back down the long hallway towards the elevators, not bothering to see if SJ was close behind. It had to be a world record how many times she managed to push the button for the elevator before it arrived. Once she stepped inside she smashed her palm into the button for the lobby just as many times, while ignoring the questioning look from SJ who slowly made her way into the elevator despite Laura’s frantic actions.

She had been holding her breath until the elevator doors finally started to close. A long, heavy exhale cut through the silence in the elevator as a rippled reflection appeared on the closing doors.The look on her face surprised her and she knew this wasn't how things should happen.  _Maybe this was a mistake. She should go back. She should say something, anything-_

"Wait!" A hand shot through the barely there opening, cause the doors to roughly stop and begin to reopen. "Laura, wait." 

Laura swallowed heavily, watching her own reflection distort then disappear as the doors opened to reveal the person who had halted the elevator. Her heart was pounding and she wasn't sure if she was relieved or worried at the chance to see Carmilla again. Would it be possible to start this whole day over?

Carmilla pressed her palms against her thighs, willing her hands to stop shaking as Laura finally came into view. It was now or never. There had already been too many lost chances and it felt as though if she let Laura leave now, she would never get her back. 

"I should have told you, how I felt." The words felt heavy, her throat tight, " _Feel_."

"Don't. It's ok." Laura looked sheepishly over at SJ who was standing silently in the corner of the elevator, then back to Carmilla, "I don't need to hear it."

She didn't. Because she knew. She had read the journal entry and had replayed every moment from the day they met over and over in her mind, and she knew. How could she not? How could she have missed it before?

"You may not need to hear it, but I need to know that I've told you." Carmilla wasn't going to run from this, she had to tell her.

Was now really the time? In front of SJ in an elevator, of all places? "Really, its ok. However you feel--"

"Goddammit Laura, just let me talk." Carmilla wasn't angry, Laura drove her crazy, but that was part of the reason she loved her.

Laura shut her mouth immediately, surprised by Carmilla’s persistence to not let her talk, but felt her stomach flutter at the adoring smile on Carmilla's face.

"You don't get it, Laura. You make me _feel_ … frustrated and annoyed," Carmilla chuckled, stepping into the doorway of the elevator to block the doors from closing, "angry and impatient, confused and nervous."

Laura ducked her head, she wasn't sure what she was expecting Carmilla to say but it wasn't quite that. She didn't know wether to apologize or cry. 

“No, Laura. You make me feel..." Carmilla’s voice was softer now, inviting Laura to look up at her, “..happy and excited, hopeful, safe, peaceful. Full.

"You make me feel so much, and I had forgotten what that was like. I had been so empty for so long without really even knowing it. I had forgotten what it was to have a place i belonged and I realized I was starting to feel like I had one. But it had nothing to do with where I was and everything to do with who I was with. It was you always giving me the last twizzler, or making me buckle my seatbelt. It's you knowing I like the side of the bed furthest the door and that all it takes to wake me up in the morning is for you to rub circles on my back.

“It's hating museums but finding myself searching for them on the map because you love them. Always ordering myself a large fry when I don't even like fries because even when you say you don't want any, you do. It's knowing how brave and strong you are doesn't mean you don't like to be held. Its knowing that I could go anywhere in the world, and where I want to be, is wherever you are.”

Carmilla stopped, not sure if what she was saying was making sense anymore. It was all jumbled in thoughts and feelings and she just had to get it out. She took a shaky breath and waited, but Laura didn't say anything. She just stood there, silent.

Carmilla swallowed heavily, the familiar feeling of drowning starting to press against her chest. But it was too late now, she had nothing left to lose. “I miss you,” it came out rushed inside of a breath, “God I miss you. And not in the way you miss people but in the way you miss being home.”

That was it. Everything she had been feeling and thinking had come tumbling out and there was nothing left for her to do. Now it was up to Laura.

Carmilla offered a small smile, full of nerves and hopefulness, as she took a small step back, dropping her hand from the elevator door to her side and shrugging. What else was there to do but wait? Nothing.

Her heart felt like lead, aching with every heavy beat as the silence lingered. Then the quiet hum of the elevator doors shutting nearly caused her heart to stop.

——

Every click of the keyboard was like a jackhammer. Turning pages; explosions. Even the coffee maker from across the room sounded like a raging waterfall inside her head. 

Why didn't she say anything?

She could feel SJ glancing over at her every couple minutes. Laura didn't have to look up to know she had the same worried expression she had been wearing for the last two days. 

They didn't speak after the excruciatingly silent elevator ride down to the Panthera lobby. Or the entire drive back to work. Or the next day. Now, today was the day the article was due and speaking was going to need to happen at some point in order for them to combine their separate parts of the article. 

"You can stop." Laura rolled her eyes and leaned back in her chair. 

SJ immediately looked back to her computer, "I don't know- I wasn't doing anything."

"Right." Laura used her chair to roll around her desk and over to SJs, "looking at me like I'm about to break is definitely something."

SJ chuckled and turned in her chair to face Laura, "I've never seen you be this quiet for this long. Like, ever. I was worried you were already broken."

Laura shook her head with a forced smile, tossing a flash drive on SJs desk. "Here's my part of the article. I'll trust you to change anything you think needs--"

"I'm sure it's great, Laura." She reached out and grabbed the arm of Laura's chair, keeping her from rolling away, "do you want to talk about it?"

It had already taken a ton of restraint for SJ not to comment on what had happened in the elevator. Being a silent spectator to it all was both exciting and dreadful. It was soap opera level entertainment, but also, this was one of her best friends in a clearly difficult and unexpected situation. There was also the part where a girl confessed her love for Laura and SJ had no idea Laura had someone like that in her life. But above all, Laura's actions over the last day and a half made it painfully clear she was having a hard time with what happened. 

"Talk?" Laura scoffed, "you mean the thing I should have done when the girl of my dreams was standing in front of me saying all these amazing things and being so incredibly sweet and open and totally out of character instead of standing there like an idiot, silently, staring at her like I wasn't sure if she was real or not? Because really the whole thing felt like a dream. A really weird one, like when you're part of an alternate universe and everything feels like it should be familiar but it's just a little bit off, you know? Because Carmilla never answers questions without sarcasm, or smirking. And she made it through that entire interview without making a rude comment. Actually she made it through the interview like a pro. And then..." Laura pulled in a breath, having depleted the entire contents of her lungs already, "and then, like some charming, sweet, completely vulnerable idiot, she spills her heart out, in the most amazing way and I one up her on being an idiot. Because I'm the bigger idiot for not saying anything back!"

SJ opened her mouth, only to close it again, tilting her head as she tried to figure out what exactly Laura was saying, "so is that a yes or a no to the talking?"

Laura groaned as she slowly rolled back to her desk, "I don't think you're the person I should be talking to."

\----

Three days. The last three days of silence were worse than the weeks she had endured before. She thought she would have heard something by now. A phone call, message through kirsch, she'd even take an email at this point. Carrier pigeon? Anything, really. 

"What the hell is this?!"

That was most definitely not a carrier pigeon. More like a hell demon. 

"Hello, mother." Carmilla lacked her usual tone of defiance. Really, she was just exhausted. She knew everything she was doing was her own choice, but it was far more work than she was used to. 

"I'm waiting for an explanation." Lilita threw a newspaper onto Carmillas desk, knocking her current paperwork askew. 

"Really mother, I wouldn't think you'd want to interrupt me while I'm actually doing work." Tired or not, annoying her mother with sarcasm was one of her favorite things, she wasn't going to pass up on this opportunity. Except, when she looked up, the glare on her mothers face made her feel like she had actually gone too far. 

As casually as she could, she looked down to the paper Lilita had thrown in front of her. It was the business section and a picture of Carmilla as well as the LA Panthera building were front and center. 

"Well?" Lilita questioned angrily. 

Honestly though, Carmilla had no idea what it was. This was the first she was seeing it. 

_‘With Panthera leading the way in the world of business when it comes to profits, employee count and global reach, it was no surprise that the rumors of a change in leadership brought up questions and worries for more than just their thousands of employees. Although the company has been impressive with its growth and success, it's no secret that since its original creators and founders death, there have been some questionable business choices.’_

Carmilla kept scanning the article quickly..

 _‘A good number of lawsuits have been filed against the company over the years for their blatant disregard for not only their employees right and wellbeing but also their dismissal of the negative environmental effects of some of their more questionable businesses ventures._ _Combine that will the news that the new owner and CEO is Carmilla Karnstein and it brings to light her own questionable antics in her personal life. It's simple to see where the concern for the companies future and what it means for the rest of us comes in.’_

Was this how Laura felt? Carmilla felt a sinking in her stomach. She had no idea the interview would end up bringing about something like this. It was almost too hard to continue reading, but she couldn't stop. 

 _‘Before you write off these changes as the catalyst for the companies inevitable failure, there are quite a few surprises to take into account. In an exclusive interview with Ms Karnstein, we were given some of the private details about some of the changes that are soon to come.’_  

As Carmilla read on it became crystal clear why Lilita was angry and why she had flown across the country to make sure Carmilla knew it. The article went on to explain that the acting CEO, one Lilita Morgan, was to be let go as the first action to better the company. It answered the question of downsizing employees which would decrease the companies pay out but substantially increase the workload for employees, which was a dream come true for Lilita, but felt wrong to Carmilla.

It laid out plans for Panthera to lessen their control over subsidiary companies, transitioning into a more supporting and silent role where possible. They planned to increase their investments in smaller, locally run businesses as well as working on developing an outreach and volunteer program to help struggling communities globally where Panthera was present. There was also going to be a major shift to improve their environmental presence.

"Tell me they have their facts wrong." Lilita was growing impatient as Carmilla read the article more slowly now. 

_‘It seems as though the worries that were brought up, have been more than addressed, with numerous other improvements planned as time goes on. A company we assumed would only get worse before it got better with major changes afoot, has proven that second chances can make all the difference. Continuing with the theme of second chances, the person ambitious enough to tackle these changes deserves the same opportunity to prove they are more than what we have been told by gossip columns and the inevitable rumor mill when under such a large and critical public spotlight._

_‘The time spent with Miss Karnstein talking business, proved she is anything but the spoiled and flippant socialite she's been made out to be. And is in fact, incredibly intelligent, more than qualified to lead the charge and quite possibly going to make a major difference in the world. She has a newfound commitment and determination to make a company that began with her father succeed and be a positive addition to the communities it's a part of.  If anyone deserves a second chance, it's most definitely her. And we have complete faith she won't disappoint.’_

Carmilla smiled. Maybe this was her carrier pigeon. 

“Carmilla.” Lilita was seconds away from losing it, her jaw clenched so hard it was probably possible for everyone in the building to hear her teeth grinding. She had never been this furious in her life. “Explain this nonsense immediately.”

Carmilla dropped the paper on her desk and stood up quickly, grabbing her jacket from off the back of her chair and put it on. “Mother.” She smiled, completely confident and with a feeling of freedom she had never felt before, “You’re fired.”

“Excuse me—“ Lilita scoffed and was about to continue her angry ranting, but she didn't have the chance. Carmilla was already making her way quickly out of her office. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Carmilla didn't bother answering, it didn't matter now anyway. The company was hers, Lilita would be out of her life, and as far as second chances go, Carmilla was going to see what Laura would do if offered one of her own.

——

She should have been ecstatic. Her name was in the paper attached to a serious piece instead of filler content. It was a piece that would definitely open up doors for more opportunities for more serious pieces. It was also the first piece she was actually proud of since starting at the paper, and for more than just herself. Being able to write about how amazing Carmilla was and see how serious she was taking this venture was strangely satisfying. She was proud just to know her. 

But instead, she was curled on her couch, using a serving spoon to dig out giant scoops of ice cream straight from the container. Perry and Lafontaine had offered to take her to dinner to celebrate, but she didn't quite feel like celebrating. 

She had meant everything she was written, about Carmillas abilities and how she was so much more than people saw. But it felt like it fell short from what she really wanted to say, and she would have liked to say it to her instead of write it in a paper she wasn't sure Carmilla would even read. 

The knock on her door wasn't all that much of a surprise. She didn't think Perry and Laf would let her decision to skip a celebration go that easily. 

"Coming!" She wasn't in a hurry to let them in and decided to put the ice cream away before opening the door. It would make the situation seem a little less depressing. "Guys I told you I didn't want to go--" Laura froze as soon as the door was open wide enough to see who was there. 

It wasn't Laf and Perry. 

"Oh my gosh!" She slammed the door shut and took a step back, staring straight ahead. When she realized what she had just done- "oh my gosh."

Quickly she lunged forward and pulled the door back open, mortified, "I'm so sorry! I wasn't expecting, well, you."

Carmilla just grinned, a familiar feeling that brought back countless memories from their road trip. 

"How did you-" Laura looked around, down the hallway like she was expecting someone else to be there, "how did you find me?" The smirk she got in response made her stomach flutter.

"I'm an intelligent and capable owner of a multibillion dollar company," That alone was probably answer enough. She smiled at the blush on Laura's cheeks from using the description that had been in the paper, that part undoubtedly written by Laura. Then she shrugged, admitting "I asked Kirsch for your address."

Laura chuckled and shook her head softly before remembering exactly how things had gone the last time they were together. She had so much she wanted to say, "I'm sorry."

Carmilla stood there quietly, a soft expression on her face. She had already said everything she thought she could, so she would listen. 

Except, Laura wasn't sure what to say. There was too much, she didn't know where to start. If this was her chance to make up for everything that had gone wrong before, she didn't want to mess it up.  _I'm sorry, your mom is the worst, I love you too--_ didn't quite feel adequate. 

"I _really_ didn't like you."

Yeah ok, that was worse than the first idea. 

Laura's eyes went wide. You'd think as a writer she would be better with words. "No, that's not-" she sighed, "I didn't mean-"

"Laura." Carmilla smiled and stepped forward, taking Laura's hands in her own. She brushed her thumbs over the back of Laura's hands and took a deep breath. 

Laura couldn't help but do the same, taking a breath with Carmilla and letting it out slowly. That and everything about how she had said her name and held her hands felt so right, she didn't even feel nervous anymore. 

"It didn't happen suddenly, you know." Laura started again, "There wasn't a moment that hit me like a train like, of course, this is it." She shrugged a shoulder and smiled, "It happened gradually. Without me even knowing." 

Carmilla wasn't sure where she was going with this but she couldn't take her eyes off Laura or the stars that seemed to shine in her eyes. 

"Curiosity and frustration somehow shifted to adoration. It was slow, but consuming. It snuck up on me and didn't give me the chance to run or even realize what was happening. It was like sleep. You lay in the dark thinking it'll never come. Then slowly your heart stills, your breathing slows, and you drift unknowingly into a dream. Then you wake, feeling light and rested and at peace." Laura looked into Carmilla's eyes, her stomach fluttering wildly at the thought of what she was about to say, "That’s how I fell in love with you." She sighed like saying the words was taking an enormous weight off her chest, "Thinking surely it would never come. Then you settled my heart and made me feel at home and slowly I fell into you, without a thought or questioning it. I love you, Carmilla."

Turns out Carmilla had been right. Laura was like the North Star. _Her_ North Star. Encompassing the way home. She  _was_  home. Finding her was like being found while never knowing she had been lost. It was finding the road that led to home, before she even knew what home was. 

Laura was beginning to worry her words had been lost on Carmilla, until she saw her smile wider than she had ever seen before. A brightness that seemed new, yet like it was meant to be there, shining from her eyes. 

"I've never felt homesick before." Camilla couldn't stop smiling, "Not for a single moment in my entire life. Not when I ran away from home when I was 9, not when I was sent to boarding school at 13, not when I was the only person on campus for holidays my freshman year of college. Not when I walked out on a life I had been living for a year, with no idea what I was doing or where I was going." Carmilla reached up to slowly tuck a strand of hair behind Laura's ear, "but the moment I left you," she shook her head gently, "the second I got in that car, I was homesick. For you. And I don't ever want to feel that way again."

Laura couldn't even help herself. She giggled as she lunged forward, letting her lips meet Carmilla’s firmly, and in a smile. It made the kiss clumsy but it didn't even matter, in that moment, it felt like coming home.

——

 

 

_some time later..._

 

 

“You promise you aren't just investing because of me?” Laura was taking slow steps up the stairs, the giant box in her arms. This had to be their 10th trip up the stairs and her speed was definitely slowing down, despite her excitement.

“Positive.” Carmilla had her own box, albeit considerably smaller and lighter than Laura’s, “It was a good proposal, she’s got a solid business plan, and she promised to deliver cookies to me at the office weekly.”

Laura used her foot to push open the apartment door, huffing as she stepped inside and leaned back against it, holding it open for Carmilla. “As long as you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.” Carmilla smiled as she walked in and set down her last box next to the couch. “Although it doesn't hurt that Perry is one of your best friends and I probably owe her for putting up with me on our road trip.”

Laura laughed and dropped her box next to Carmilla’s and looked around the apartment. “I didn't realize how small this place was before.”

It was the tiny apartment Laura had managed to find when she first got to LA, and tiny was a generous word for it. The kitchen and living room were basically the same room. There was a single bedroom down the small hallway and a bathroom just across from it and that was basically it. It had already felt full with all of Luaras things in it, but now with all of Carmilla's stuff? Definitely cozy.

“Its perfect.” Carmilla assured her, grabbing her hand and leading her to the couch. It was the one place that didn't have a box blocking it. She sat down, pulling Laura down with her and they cuddled together tightly.

“You realize we could fit 3 of my apartments in the place we just moved you out of.” Laura rested her head against Carmilla’s shoulder, pulling in a deep breath as she relaxed in her arms.

She wasn't wrong. Carmilla’s apartment was pretty big, and very, very nice. When they talked about moving in together, Laura was shocked that Carmilla’s first choice was for her to move into Laura’s place. It was definitely downgrading. Big time.

“Doesn’t matter.” Carmilla tightened her arms that were wrapped around Laura, “We could live in a shoe box and I’d be fine as long as you were there.”

She knew it wasn't about the apartment they shared. It had taken we a while to figure it out, but once she did everything changed. She had found the star to point her to the road that led home. Thats when she realized, home could be anywhere, as long as she was there with Laura. 

"Well in that case," Laura shifted to look up at Carmilla, placing a gentle kiss on her lips then smiling, "welcome home." 


End file.
